All Articles Tagged "falling in love"
With all the messages we receive from the media about love and what it’s supposed to look and feel like, it can be hard to know what your own feelings are telling you or how they’re misleading you. If you’ve ever wondered whether or not you were in love with someone, see what some of our Facebook followers have to say about themselves and how they know when they’re in love.
Shena: When your pride doesn’t matter..
Christinas: As soon as I see him, all of the stress of my day instantly melts away like it never happened.
When you’re in love, you just know. But, with other emotions such as infatuation and lust often knocking at the door, it can sometimes be difficult to really know if you’re truly in love with the person you’re dating. Here are 15 tell-tale signs that your heart is going wild.
Talking and communicating comes naturally
You know that you’ve talked to some people and it was like pulling teeth to keep the conversation going. But, when you’re with your significant other, talking and other means of communicating come naturally, and before you know it, you’ve been talking for hours. Effortless communication is a clear sign of a deep bond.
Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and take yourself back to the very first time you experienced a feeling of love with the person you’re in a relationship with now. Allow yourself to re-experience the emotions, the sights, the sounds, the tastes and the smells you first experienced … just as if it is happening again right now.
Stay there for a moment and allow yourself to feel where in your body you first felt that emotional feeling of love. Is it in your heart? Is it in your head? Is it on your lips? Focus on what your mind was focused on then. Is it the feeling of your heart pounding? Is it how you just seem to melt as your bodies fit together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle?
Notice how good it feels to be emotionally present with the one you love. What questions run through your mind? Did you find yourself asking, ‘Is this what love feels like? Will this feeling last? Is it really possible to fall in love again?’
Did you find it easy to take yourself back and re-experience that falling in love feeling again? Has it been a while since you felt that feeling of love? Which emotions have you been feeling instead? Fear? Guilt? Anger? Anxiety? Jealousy? Frustration? Resentment? Disappointment?
Do you frequently initiate conversations and interactions in a negative emotional state? Or, are you the one dodging the toxic emotions as they are launched at you by the one you love? Has it happened so often for so long that it’s just too difficult to tell? Are you concerned that your love and your relationship are being destroyed as a result?
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You’re scheming about the way, place and time you’ll finally tell him you want to be more than friends. You’re fantasizing about the way he’ll respond. To you, it will be a big, explosive, game-changing reveal! Meanwhile, he already knew months ago you liked him…surprise! Here’s how he knows.
Although I’ll probably have my man card put on probation for typing this, I’m feeling a little magnanimous today, and I thought I’d share a few secrets about us (men) that many women may not be aware of
1. We occasionally “fake it” too. (Yes. If you’re reading this, it’s probably happened to you too. Get over yourself.)
2. We generally know the difference between “she’s laughing at my corny jokes because she likes me” and “she’s laughing at my corny jokes because I’m actually funny,” and we also know it’s usually the former, not the latter. We’ll never admit that to you, though.
3. We don’t actually hate romantic comedies.
The last one is of particular interest to me, just because of the overwhelming perception that we hate rom-coms with the heat of a thousand pairs of K. Michelle’s drawers. Thing is, we may not enjoy them as much as we (generally) enjoy the NBA playoffs and YouTube twerk videos, but hate doesn’t describe our general feeling when it comes to them. It’s more like “I guess that wasn’t too bad.”
What we do hate though — and, frankly, what anyone with any type of real-life relationship experience should also hate — are the falsehoods many of them are based on. From “love always conquers all” to “if you’re in love with someone who’s about to be married and want them to stop the wedding, all you have to do say “stop!” while they’re at the alter and everyone will…stop” you can argue that the typical romantic comedy is more fictional than “The Matrix” and contains more blatant lies than a Rozay album.
The most pervasive, most irresponsible, and most destructive of those lies is the idea that we, as humans, have absolutely no control over who we fall in love with or how long we stay in love with them. The belief of this falsehood has caused countless divorces, keyed cars, stupid songs by Mary J. Blige, and stupider ultra-emo Facebook status messages. (“I wish I could stop loving him. But, the devil is a lie!“)
What makes this lie so dangerous is the fact that it robs us of one of our most important human qualities. The ability to reason and make choices. And, while it may seem like love is some unstoppable force that you have absolutely no control over, there is always — always! — a point where you make the conscious decision to fall for someone. Those who have been there before were also undoubtedly at a bit of a crossroads before they got there, with one road leading to “Fallingville” and the other headed to “FallBackville.” If you’re ever been in love, you made the choice to go to Fallingville. And, if you’re still in love, you’re making a conscious choice to stay there. Yes it’s true that the heart “wants what it wants,” but only after we consciously entertain the thoughts and feelings and emotions to allow it to get there.
So, equipped with this knowledge, the next time you’re in the movie theater watching Katherine Hegel give some God-awful speech to her homely cousin about why she can’t stop loving some man who’s about to get married to another man in a week, instead of letting the tears drip, roll your eyes, shake your head, and scream “Yes you can!!!”
Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com. Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com
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Throughout most of his ride as a host on 106 & Park, Terrence J was passed on for his cornball persona, but ever since he got his grown man on in Think Like a Man, a lot of people have been checking for him as a bit of a sex symbol—hence the slew of questions lately about how he feels about women. It also doesn’t hurt that he has a gorgeous model girlfriend by the name of Selita Ebanks.
Anyway, in an interview with Essence the magazine asked the budding actor just what it is that makes a man fall in love and he had this to say:
“I always just say it’s those intangible things,” says J. “Whenever you say the cliché things… things like, I’m looking for someone who’s intelligent or beautiful. There are always people who are intelligent and there are always people who are beautiful. It really comes down to those intangible things. I fall in love with mismatched socks, or leaving hair in the sink. It’s really the intangible things that make you you.”
According to Essence, that’s just a preview of the knowledge he’ll be dropping at a panel during the Essence Music Festival on what men want, alongside D.B. Woodside and Terrell Tillford of Single Ladies and NFL player Devin Thomas. Pardon me while I go purchase my ticket.
Terrence isn’t just interested in helping the ladies though. He’s also partnered with Crown Royal Black on a new program aimed at promoting responsible drinking among party goers. The two parties will be handing out free pre-paid Safe Rides cards to legal drinking-age consumers at upcoming The Crown Life events.
“What we want to do is make sure that people have a great time at the party and also on the way home,” he said. “We want to make sure we get you to your destination safely. That’s why we started the Safe Rides program. We take it for granted, but at the end of the night, those cards will save lives. When you see me and you see Crown, we’re gonna have ‘em.”
He’s definitely turning into a young man to watch. And ladies, don’t go leaving your hair in the sink thinking that’s going to make a man fall in love with you.
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According to Science Daily, a study conducted by Syracuse University suggests that it takes approximately one fifth of a second to fall in love. Although falling in love may happen quickly, it seems like it takes a little longer for your brain to catch up with your heart, and even longer for your emotions to give you the nerve to finally utter the words. Women tend to be a little more vocal about their emotions than men, but if you watch closely, his actions will show you before his lips tell you that he loves you.
He’s always looking for reasons to spend time with you
Did you ever notice that he’s always looking for an excuse to be in your presence? “Wanna do lunch?” “Do you need a study buddy?” “I was in the neighborhood, I figured I’d just stop by.” Sound familiar? People who are in love look forward to spending time in the presence of their love interest and go out of their way to make time for you, sometimes when they really don’t have much time available.
It’s said that you always meet someone just when you weren’t looking. It’s said that love finds you. And, for any single female, these sayings can get annoying. Are you supposed to walk around with your head down, not paying attention to your male counterparts? Ceasing the search for love doesn’t mean you have to become a cold Beyotch to the male race. But, there are some behaviors you should avoid because they will only land you in something you think is love. Like these:
The problem with heartbreak is that, you have to feel the pain. There is no painkiller of heartbreak that doesn’t come with serious side effects. Alcohol, random sex or jumping into a new relationship all—as you’ve probably experienced—just leave you hurting ten times as much as you did before. Because of this inevitable pain, many women crawl into a hole after a heartbreak, and never go back out to find someone new. Here’s a little bit about that mentality, and why it just doesn’t work.
“I don’t want to get serious again until I want to get married”
That’s the only way to guarantee there will be no heartbreak, right? That’s why so many women say this. But, there are a number of reasons why this just doesn’t work out. There are plenty of people who’ve been separated or divorced, that will tell you, you can get hurt, and probably even more so, once you’re in a marriage.
I’ll never forget, my freshman year of college I met this girl who was trying her best to maintain a long distance relationship with her boyfriend back home. When my other friends and I asked to see his picture, she showed us and then stated matter of factly:
“Justin* isn’t cute.”
We all looked at her in shock. This was the guy she’d shamelessly expressed her longing, love and affection for and here she was, saying she didn’t think he was cute. At least one of us expressed our confusion. “Dang Marti*! How can you say that?”
Again she was unapologetic in her reply.
“I think Justin is attractive and I love him; but when I first met him, I didn’t think he was cute. Really, nobody would look at him and think he was cute. ”
They were harsh words. We didn’t agree or disagree with her at that exact moment; but as I looked at his picture, I could see her point. True, he wasn’t hideous but he wouldn’t stop traffic.
And she wasn’t being mean. She was just stating a fact and a phenomenon I’ve observed several times now. While we may say we want this or that physical characteristic in a man; at the end of the day, you or I, could easily end up falling in love with an ugly man. (Or person– for my lesbian sisters in the struggle.)
Note: Ugly is a harsh word so I’ll say unattractive, or “has interesting features,” or use some other euphemism to illustrate that homeboy isn’t a banger.
We women love to ogle over an attractive man. We’ll take in his face, the defined jawline, the dazzling smile, glistening, rock hard abs, v-shaped waist and power thighs with much delight. If we’re alone we might find ourselves in a daze or if we’re with the girls we might lean over and whisper a “He could get it.” We’ve all been there but in reality most of us are more likely to end up with a man who’s a little chubby, has taco meat and might possess just one or two of the above mentioned physical attributes… if we’re lucky.
Don’t be discouraged by this news ladies, these are just the facts of life.
By now you’re probably thinking why is it that women have to settle? What about the men?
Men have this ability too. But really, they don’t have to learn or use this skill of “looking past” to the level that we do. Think about it. We women spend exorbitant amounts of time, money and effort into perfecting our outward appearance, mostly because we know that men are more visually inclined.
But every now and then we’ll see a man who is drop dead gorgeous with a woman who doesn’t quite match his attractiveness. You need look no further than Hollywood for examples. No names needed.
The truth is, the ability to “look past” is a bit more encouraging than it really sounds. After all, being able to overlook someone’s outward appearance and fall in love with their character and their spirit speaks to the profundity of love. Real love, the kind we don’t often see on our TV screens.