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I have always maintained that technology marches us forward and backward at the same time. We gain some benefits, but we lose something too. How many phone numbers do you have memorized these days? It is rapidly becoming apparent that people are leaning more and more to losing their humanity as we becoming more inundated with tech.
A bold father decided to teach his 17-year old son a lesson in an apparent act of “old school discipline” with a “new school” tech twist. The son left school without telling his father, which was a direct order if the boy was to leave. This infraction resulted in a bloodied nose. The video has now gone viral resulting in millions of views on Facebook alone.
The dad says in the video, “Granted, I know teachers can be f***ed up so I let him know he can walk out of class, but call me so I’m on your side,” the father tells the camera. ” All day went by, he didn’t call. So now it’s discipline time.”
The father finishes talking and calls the boy out. First, the son puts on his loves and then the dad put son his. They box. At first, it seems somewhat innocent, but then the son begins to bleed heavily from blows to the nose. The dad continues to pummel the son.
At the end of the video, the son is forced to apologize to his teacher for walking out of class and dad ominously says the next “report card better be golden.” Lesson learned?
The comments on this story were not one-sided but any stretch of the imagination. Some folks felt it was flat-out child abuse, while others thought the boy’s treatment was a sadly needed mixture of discipline and humiliation.
One of my friends, Lee Hawkins made a compelling indictment of the father.
Hawkins commented: “People don’t see this as “violence” but if this same method were used against or dog or a woman they would be coming for this man’s head. He would be all over the national news. But when it’s used against a small black male it is applauded! This young man has less value than a dog in the eyes of millions of people. And if a woman is beaten like this it is ‘domestic violence’ but if a child is beaten like this it is seen as ‘love’. Sad as hell! We can be better, but we have to do better. First step in that process is to go through self-examination and rid ourselves of the slave mentality. And to stop expecting the police to show our young people respect if we can’t show them respect ourselves. This was 10 times worse than the police officer who slammed the little black girl at the pool party. But we wanted him to lose his job and applauded this minstrel for beating this little boy. So counterintuitive and, as I say, ‘ignant.’ Just sayin’. smile emoticon.”
One woman fiercely advocated for the actions of the father. “Come beat mine and talk to them for me please. These lil fellas of mine is more than a hand full, “Latrese said. “My beatings don’t work.” Later, she would expound saying that beatings were reserved to let kids know that the child made a more serious mistake.
Personally, I can find no place in my heart to justify the action by this father. To me, it was brutal to watch. Couple that with the millions and and millions of people that will bear witness to the sons embarrassment, it is just wrong across the board. I understand everything about where Black boys are these days, down to the pathetic rate of high school graduation and black-on-black crime. Did I mention my dad “jacked me up” once? It was nothing like this and he wasn’t proudly parading his actions for the world to see. There must be a better way.
There are few things more engaging, informative and entertaining than a gathering of intelligent Black people. This past weekend, I trekked from Harlem to Brooklyn to attend such a gathering. And as usual, I was not disappointed. We talked about racial tensions at our alma mater that had finally come to a head, bad dates, HBCUs vs. PWIs, and most interestingly, the intersection of social media and our past lives.
What started off as talk of 10-year-high school reunions turned into a discussion about how social media has granted us access to information we never would have known in the past and arguably, might not need to know today. We talked about the fact that you know not only the relationship status but even the inner workings of said relationships because of Facebook or Twitter. We know how many children someone has had since we graduated high school. And the odd couple from college who got married suddenly.
And perhaps most interestingly, we know, for better or worse, what our exes have been doing since we parted ways.
It was then that my friend from college shared a very interesting story.
Like so many of us, after the breakup she decided to remain Facebook friends with her ex. The two dated two-three years ago and recently, he just so happened to pop up on her newsfeed. She learned that since the last time she’d checked; not only had he gotten married, his wife had recently given birth to a baby girl. Babies are always blessings, so she liked the picture of the little girl and then kept scrolling to find out more information.
After a few scrolls, she found that the little girl had a very interesting name, her name.
Now, for clarification purposes, let me just not that my friend’s name is not Ashley, Kate or Sarah. It’s quite unique and quite Afrocentric. For the sake of anonymity, I won’t use her real name but think along the lines of Fatima.
Most of us, American born Black folk, don’t meet too many Fatimas in our life times. And interestingly enough, her boyfriend wasn’t even American Black. He was Latino and White. So, I would assume that he too hadn’t run into too many Fatimas during his day either.
But after dating a Fatima, for just about a year, he decided that it would be a suitable name for his daughter, something he and his wife would call her for the rest of her life. My friend “Fatima” who had liked the picture of the girl, quickly scrolled back up to remove her like, not wanting to cause any strife in her ex’s household. Imagine what his wife would think to see Fatima liking a picture of her daughter Fatima on her husband’s page. Obviously, since she’s his Facebook friend she would know the two had some type of connection. And Fatima reasoned that if he hadn’t told his wife about the inspiration behind their daughter’s name, she didn’t want to be the one to expose it and cause any tension in their household.
While my friend said a part of her was a bit flattered by the name choice, she also found it exceptionally weird and inappropriate. (I leaned more toward the latter sentiment.) Maybe he just really liked the meaning of Fatima. And maybe we’re all just a little too self centered to see that some people are big enough to disassociate the name from the memories they have with and of a particular person. Still, there’s something strange about calling your daughter by the name of your former romantic partner.
What do you think about naming a child after an ex? Does it mean that they’re not over you and want to honor you in some way? Or does it just meant that they happened to like the name? Also, if you were to discover that your husband named your child after one of his exes, what would you do?
My last relationship was so hard to let go because we were always off and on. And even when we were off, we somehow ended up being friends…which would eventually turn in to us being on again. It was a cyclical mess. But either way, when I was playing the friend role, before I came to the realization that our communication was rather inappropriate, I heard plenty of stories about his current girlfriend.
Mostly bad stories about how he wanted to be out but could never find the strength to do it. Read: Homegirl put it on him and he couldn’t make it out. Anyway, with all this knowledge about her, I had to see what she looked like. Had to. Who was this sex goddess? These days, all it takes is a name and a mutual friend on any social media channel, this one just so happened to be Facebook, and you can learn someone’s whole life story. More than what I already knew about her. So of course when I found her profile, there were questions I hope the pictures would answer. I wanted to see if he had a type. He didn’t. All of his girlfriends looked drastically different. I wanted to see if she was cute. She was aight. And I wanted to see if there was any signs of crazy. She looked pleasant enough.
A part of me felt a tad bad about stalking. But hmmm not that bad.
Plus, I know I’m not the only one. There’s even a meme for it.
So many of my friends and associates have talked about wanting to see what the ex looks like, wanting to know what type of person she is. Clicking through her Facebook or scrolling through her Instagram, analyzing her fashion choices, trying to figure out what it was he once saw in her. As long as you don’t slip up and accidentally like an Instagram picture, I really see no down side in all of this, just a collection of information.
I guess things can get a little sticky if you’re feeling a little insecure and his ex happens to be a banger. But at the end of the day, you can always tell yourself that he chose you. There was something that didn’t make them a good fit for one another. Then all of those worries have to flee.
Have you ever done research on your man’s ex? Is there anything wrong with traveling down this rabbit hole?
“Ain’t real if it ain’t on social media.”
That’s what a friend of mine said in jest when I told her about a woman who was seeking advice regarding whether or not she was overreacting by mistrusting her boyfriend because he won’t let her follow him on social media. And while the immediate response would be a definite “petty” vote, they have been together for three whole years. So what’s the deal?
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. We live an hour and half apart but see each other almost every weekend. I’ve met his family and friends. We also talk about the future and we love each other. There’s only one thing that causes mistrust and that’s the fact that he refuses to add me to Instagram or Facebook. He says he has had bad experiences with social media in his previous relationship and doesn’t want it to be a factor in our relationship. I can’t shake the feeling that he is hiding something from me that he knows will upset me and I would prefer he were open with me about everything. Am I overreacting about this and should I be concerned? We’ve had many arguments about this and I feel like it’s hurting my trust for him because of his unwillingness to compromise.
Remember the good ol’ days when social media wasn’t prevalent enough for everyone to have accounts, so it wasn’t a factor in one’s relationship? In the words of Edith and Archie Bunker, those were the days.
But it is a bit odd, don’t you think? The idea that someone “refuses” to include you in a certain part of their life after so much time together. The idea that when they request you on social media, you would hit “ignore,” “decline” or do the whole, “I’m just going to leave this right here” move. As one woman said, “A man who has nothing to hide, hides nothing.”
Still, I’ll try and play devil’s advocate real quick.
Considering that they’ve been together for more than a thousand days, she’s met his family and his friends, and all in all, they seem to have a healthy relationship, is this situation really a deal breaker? Does she want to compromise what they’ve built based on the only part of his life she hasn’t been given access to, the most superficial, inconsequential part? Granted, he could be out here doing something he’s not supposed to, and that could be why he’s trying to keep his Instagram and Facebook on the low. But if she trusts him, then she probably shouldn’t let this bog her mind.
I’ve been with my fiancé for almost four years and we don’t follow each other on social media. Granted, he only has a Facebook account that he sporadically uses, mostly once a year to say, “Thanks!” to birthday wishes, but I believe in my heart that me being all in his Facebook wouldn’t keep him from doing whatever he wants or plans to do. I can only trust him as he can only trust that my pages aren’t being used for inappropriate behavior. Plus, what is this? College?
However, devil’s advocate here, I still don’t get the refusal. The opposition to compromising. I understand that he doesn’t want to open the door to this young woman investigating his accounts so she can become paranoid, as that may have been the case in past relationships. But, again, when you have nothing to hide, why go out of your way to be so private with someone so important?
Clearly, I don’t have the answers, Sway. But I can see both sides to the argument. They’re valid enough. But after three years, if it’s causing that much drama and arguments, it might be worth it to deactivate that sh-t…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What do you think? Is she petty for getting bent out of shape because he won’t befriend her on his social media? Or is he petty for trying to keep it on the low?
The other day I was scrolling through “Facebook Memories,” you know the app that curates your posts and statuses from today’s date in years past. It’s easily one of the best features on the site. Everything I was seeing made me smile and reminisce, until I stumbled across something that induced a cringe.
It was a status where I tagged or mentioned my former boo thang. I cringed mostly because I didn’t talk about our relationship publicly. Mostly because it was so loosely defined for us that I didn’t feel comfortable putting it out there for the people, knowing that there would be questions, comments and prying dips into our business. Plus, when you break up to make up and then break up again, it’s hard to keep a consistent posting schedule that wouldn’t indicate that there are problems in paradise. So, I was scared. The last thing I want in life is to look like a fool, on social media or in real life.
But on this day, years ago, after homeboy put in a bit of a request for a shoutout, I wrote a Facebook status including his name. It was years ago, but thanks to memories, it popped right back up, making me cringe.
I think it was with this failed relationship in mind that I was so hesitant to put my new, current, infinitely more stable one on social media. I didn’t want questions. I didn’t want to cringe if it didn’t work out. And I didn’t want to look like a fool. I had never readily admitted these things to myself. It was just a feeling, a sense that I had, that I may or may not have been able to articulate if asked.
Little did I know, my mother would be the one to do just that.
I texted her a picture of my boyfriend and I and she was so inspired that, without my permission, she posted it on her Facebook page. She was dead wrong. After I had my sister log into her account to delete it, I told her how wrong she was, that it wasn’t her place to do that. She wasn’t trying to hear me.
“Girl, get off my phone talking crazy.”
“Moooom,” I pleaded, “I haven’t even posted a picture of us yet.”
And then she asked me a very simple question that caused me to examine myself.
“Why haven’t you?”
That’s when I realized that while I absolutely didn’t want my mom to be posting my business, there was really no legitimate reason why I hadn’t. Different dude, different relationship. No reason to be hesitant.
But I can’t lie. A part of me remembered cousins and associates who had put entirely too much of their relationship business on social media early, only to find that the relationship fizzled. And what were once happy, optimistic, romantic, “my boo is better than your boo” statuses turned into embittered, single and salty, messy breakup posts.
I thought of Ciara posting her N for Nayvadius tattoo and calling him her king. And especially her interview with Brides magazine. And we all know how that turned out. It was embarrassing. We were embarrassed for her.
Then again, I’m sure Ciara felt sure about her relationship. Particularly after Future proposed to her…and got her pregnant, whichever came first.
So, much like relationships themselves, it’s a gamble either way. You do it…or don’t do it and hope for the best.
When you feel comfortable sharing your relationship on social media?
Facebook is used for a lot of things. Meeting new people, catching up with old friends, promoting businesses and organizations, and for some people, being a troll. But in the case of 18-year-old Nakasia James, she used the social media platform to confess to her followers and anyone else who may be interested, that she allegedly killed her boyfriend, 21-year-old Dorian Powell.
According to the Los Angeles Times, police in San Bernadino, Calif. are searching for James after police were called Monday at 2:30 a.m. about a domestic disturbance, which ended with a woman stabbing her boyfriend. But by the time police arrived at Powell’s apartment, he was dead at the scene, and James was already gone. According to a statement from the San Bernadino police, they are unaware of her whereabouts after the fact and are searching for the 18-year-old.
“Nakasia is aware that she is being sought in connection with this homicide. At this time it does appear to be related to a domestic disturbance inside the apartment.”
And that’s what a woman with the same name and Facebook profile as James (Nakasia “Macc” James) said occurred when sharing her confession on Monday. A profile police say is definitely James’s account. She said that she stabbed Powell in self-defense.
According to KTLA News, police said there are no other reported incidents of violence related to Powell’s residence. They are urging her to come forward.
Over the weekend, we told you about the disturbing prank this woman played on two, little girls, the children, presumably her daughters.
In case you missed it, the woman instructs the girls to open a present from the aunt and uncle. When they find out it’s a Black doll inside, the eldest girl looks around confused while the younger one throws the box away from herself and immediately starts crying.
While any decent parent would take the doll and explain to her daughter that she appreciate any gift she receives and ask her why she’s so against having a Black doll, this mother bursted out laughing, like she was encouraging the behavior and the younger one’s disgust.
The video spread like wild fire. And apparently, the original poster didn’t take too kindly to the response because it has since been deleted.
But the impression it leaves is a lasting one.
And instead of being angry and going on about her life, this mother in Wisconsin, decided to counter that hate and negativity, with a more positive, loving message.
She posted the following video on her Facebook page.
The video was sweet but it’s Katie Nachman’s words below it, that really send the strongest message
I love this post, not because we need White folks’ acceptance, approval or endorsement. I love the video and the words that follow it because Ms. Nachman gets it. She’s not rainbows and Skittles and kumbaya, looking at society through colorblind lenses. She understands the world is a different place for people of color. And instead of trying to ignore that unfortunate fact, she’s seeking to address it, from childhood, where it usually starts. Parents are the biggest influence in the life of children. They subsequently shape who their children will become, for better or worse. And these two girls in the video are fortunate to have someone who not only understands the injustices and racism in our society but who is also willing to fight against them.
The levels people will stoop to for “likes” these days is getting lower and lower.
Two students from Kansas City, Missouri shared a very disturbing video of themselves in a motel room with a girl, a fellow minor, who appeared unconscious on the bed. The young girl was naked below the waist, and her shirt had been pulled up, exposing her bra. One of the boys in the video was reportedly seen fondling the unresponsive girl.
And while the boys thought they were going to get props of some sort for sharing the clip, those who follow the teens criticized them for doing so. The criticism got so bad, with one of the boys arguing with followers that he didn’t rape the girl, that the boys eventually removed the video. But before doing so, one of their classmates, reportedly a mutual friend of the boys and the girl in the video, took screenshots of the video and eventually shared it with local police.
According to KCTV, the Kansas City Police Department’s cyber crime and crimes against children units are investigating the situation. A report has been taken, but no charges have been filed as of yet.
A teen girl has gone on to post on Facebook to say that she is the one in the video. She stated that she has spoken to police and is hoping that the boys will be prosecuted for taking advantage of her. According to KCTV, a student from the Raytown School District told reporters that the boys have shared video in the past of classmates they’d molested while intoxicated.
According to the police report, the girl in the video met the boys at a pool hall on Saturday the 19th, was taken to a motel and was assaulted that weekend.
The Raytown School District has issued a statement, expressing that they will provide whatever assistance necessary to aid Kansas City police in their investigation.
“The Raytown School District has been made aware of accusations against two students in an off-campus incident. While we cannot control choices made by students outside school hours, we will cooperate to assist police in any way we can.”
What conclusions would you draw if you found out that your husband or wife had a secret social media account? Would you assume it’s harmless? Would it lead you to believe that they’re cheating? One man found himself in this very predicament and turned to Reddit for advice after he learned that his wife had been hiding her Facebook account.
I noticed over the last four weeks or so that my wife has been very phone-centric. A lot more than usual. One day at our in-laws, as I was walking towards her, I noticed she opened an ‘incognito’ tab on her phone.
She has been very private with her phone in the last four weeks. So much so that she rarely leaves it around or in the open. She tends to turn it over or take a second glance to make sure its turn upside down, whenever I am around.
So I checked my router logs and noticed for the past two days that she’s logged into Facebook at least 12 times.
Of course, one can argue that his wife’s actions are harmless, but hiding anything in a marriage is a red flag. And the fact that he caught her conducting herself inappropriately on the social networking site in the past has this concerned husband thinking the worst.
She’s had Facebook in the past, and she’s been ‘caught’ twice before speaking sexually/sensual/emotionally to guys. One was when we were dating for about three years; the other was after we were married for about three years. So I don’t know what to think.
How would you advise this man to handle this situation?
Ladies! If you haven’t seen the first episode of our Special Edition of Ask a Black Man, click here. The first episode was all about “The List” and our next episode is all about Dating and The Internet. The men cover topics on how to find love online, what apps to use, and the do’s and don’ts of online dating. What do you think about their thoughts on posting photos and some of the apps mentioned in the segment?
Want to know more about the men on this special edition? Make sure you read their cast profiles, here.
Be sure to check out FYI’s new series #BlackLove Tonight @10:15/9:15c
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