All Articles Tagged "facebook"

What’s With New Mothers Only Half-Way Showing Their Babies On Social Media?

August 25th, 2016 - By Veronica Wells
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Mothers Only Half-Way Showing Their Babies On Social Media

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I’m fully aware that there’s a good chance I might get stoned for writing this piece. Still, it’s a question that’s been lingering on my mind for far too long now. And I have to ask the question.

I notice on social media there are two types of mothers…maybe three. There are the type of mothers who post pictures of their newborn babies, with amniotic fluid still caked up on their faces. There are those who wait months to reveal their new bundles. And there is a third category. This type of mother doesn’t reveal the baby right after he or she is born. They may make an announcement with the name, birth weight and even a quick little anecdote about how their new loved one entered the world. There may even be an announcement that she and her partner have chosen not to reveal the baby just yet.

I certainly understand that. It’s your child and perhaps you don’t want every moment of their lives, from the time they were born, documented on social media. I get it. What I don’t understand is how these very same mothers then go on for weeks posting, what I like to call, detail shots. It’s not an actual image of the baby’s face but rather their fingers, toes, or blankets. I’ve seen one mother go so far as to darken an image to obscure her child’s face. And that’s what I really don’t get. I understand being proud and showing your baby fresh out of the womb. And I get trying to protect your child’s image for a little while, since you can’t exactly ask them if they want to be on Facebook. What I don’t understand is the in-between game. Why tease and taunt people with details? We know you had a baby. Many of these mothers have made an announcement that they are not ready to share the baby’s face yet. Even if they hadn’t, the last image of his lock of hair, made it pretty clear.

So what’s with all the mystery and secrecy?

My coworker suggested that people don’t want their children to be exposed to bad juju or those who would wish evil upon them online. Like the baby’s spirit is too young to be able to fight off bad spirits.

I can’t help but wonder if it’s the need for attention and validation even in the midst of trying to protect your child.

What do you think this is about? And more importantly, am I the only one annoyed by this behavior?

The Brave Woman’s Guide To Sliding Into DMs

August 25th, 2016 - By Patia Braithwaite
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The Best Opening Lines To Use On Dating Apps

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As an elderly millennial, I’ve picked up the art of traditional flirting. I’m not saying I’m good at it, but I can force myself to touch a man’s shoulder or laugh at his stupid jokes if I have to. That said, we’ve approached a new age: the age of the direct message, otherwise known as the DM. If you’re on Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter or Instagram, you are familiar with the private message — a place to send notes and pictures that the public can’t see.

I’ve heard that things go down in the DM, but up until recently, I had no firsthand knowledge of such happenings. Sadly, I haven’t mastered the art of sliding into anyone’s social media inbox, but after brunch one weekend (all bad ideas stem from bottomless mimosas),  I decided to direct message an old thot flame on Facebook. (Is it even called DMs on Facebook? I don’t know.)
“I’m sliding into your DMs,” I proclaimed triumphantly.
“Oh,” he responded. “Okay…”
There was silence before he added, “Snapchat me that pu**y if it’s….cool.”
I, too lame to realize he was quoting a song, was astounded by his forwardness. “Who does he think I am? Do people really Snapchat their vaginas if its…cool?” I thought to myself. “Is there an appropriate filter for these pictures?” Mortified and caught without a witty rebuttal, I closed my chat inbox and swore to never contact him again.  He already had my phone number though, and he text me a few days later.
Everything sort of worked out from there, I guess.
While I initially thought I’d bury this humiliating ordeal in the recesses of my mind, it occurred to me that my experience might help other women. Thus, I’ve asked a few of my favorite men for some tips on how to artfully slide into someone’s inbox. I now humbly share the process with you:
Step 1: Establish Rapport
As it turns out, sliding into one’s DMs works greatly when there is forward momentum. Whatever the social media platform, start off by liking a few posts/pictures. As most of you know, every time you like a picture, the person gets a notification. If you do this for a few days or so, you’re suddenly on the person’s radar.  Pro tip: spread your “likes” over a few days. It’s creepy to log into your account and see someone has liked 40 of your pictures in 12 minutes.
Step 2: Up the Ante
Once you’ve started liking pictures, you can up the ante by adding a comment. One of the guys I talked to suggested compliments that pertain to a particular picture. If your person has a gym picture (a.k.a., a thirst trap), you can compliment his body. If you’re feeling a little less aggressive, you can compliment something less eh…explicit. Maybe he posted a dope sunset or a clever meme. You can shower praise on it, and hopefully your would-be boo will say “thanks.”
Step 3: Slide in the DMs (With a Question)
So the guy has already noticed you in his mentions. He’s probably responded to your comments under his pictures. Now, you just slide into his inbox with a question relevant to his feed. If he has a million pictures from his trip to Philly, you can ask him how the cheese steaks were. The key is to start a private conversation, and BOOM! You just slid into the DMs like a ninja. Pro tip: Steer clear of yes or no questions. Open-ended questions give you more to work with.
Once you’ve started the conversation, the rest is familiar territory. However, if you’re still worried, take comfort in this: My awkward stumble into the DMs did yield a date. The sheer ridiculousness of my experience hints at something ALL of the men I talked to said explicitly: If a person finds you even remotely attractive, it doesn’t really matter how artfully you slide in.  Take your chance, kick down the door of the DMs, and give it your best shot.
The odds are in your favor.
(Special thanks to the gentlemen who contributed to this piece, especially @torres1pr. Ladies, if you want to practice your slide, I’m sure he would be down.)
Patia Braithwaite is a New York City-based writer. You can find her at www.menmyselfandgod.com, or sliding into some DMs on Instagram & Twitter @pdotbrathw8.

“She Said Yes!” California Woman Has Photo Shoot To Celebrate Job After 7 Months Unemployed

August 10th, 2016 - By Lauren R.D. Fox
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New Job Photoshoot

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Searching for employment can be a daunting experience and an exhausting job within itself. So when Benita Abraham found the perfect one and was hired after being unemployed for seven months, she decided to share the good news in an interesting way.

Facebook

Facebook

Instead of sending out a mass text, Benita created a “She said yes!” photo shoot using her iPhone 6 Plus, reports Refinery 29and modeled it after the engagement pictures we love to double-tap on Instagram.

After creating a Facebook album with the photos, Abraham captioned it by saying, “I finally found my soulmate, my perfect match, my boo. After 7 long months, I found the perfect job with a company that truly cares about its employees and one I will learn so much from. #employed #myboo #loveatfirstinterview #LTR #careergrowth #perfectmatch #photoshoot #notjustforbabiesmarriagesandbirthdays #workin9to5.”

In the photoshoot, Benita can be seen embracing her framed job offer, detailing their “love story,” and even taking selfies with it. Abraham’s friends also joined in on the fun by serenading both her and the job offer or accepting their offer to join their carpool.

Since Benita’s photo album went viral, people have commended Benita for her humor and reminding the rest of us to celebrate all our victories in life, whether they’re big or small.

WGNTV reports, Benita will be starting a new career in healthcare administration. To see her entire “She said yes!” album, click here.

 

Brooklyn Mom Creates Facebook Group, ‘Mothers Of Black Boys’

July 20th, 2016 - By Allyson Leak
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There is a growing frustration that many people feel regarding unarmed Black men being killed by the police and it’s lead some to become activists in their own way. Vocabulary.com describes an activist as someone who “campaigns for some kind of social change.”

Depelsha McGruder is one Brooklyn mother that is definitely doing her part for sure. After being deeply saddened by the deaths of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile she took things into her own hands by starting a closed Facebook group called “Mothers of Black Boys” to provide a forum for mothers.

What started as a concerned mother sharing her new Facebook page with 30 friends one week ago has turned into turned into 74,000 mothers of Black boys connecting, mobilizing, sharing stories, and supporting one another through these trying times. According to mappingpolicevilence.org police killed at least 102 unarmed black people in 2015, nearly twice each week and nearly one in three Black people killed by police in 2015 were identified as unarmed, though the actual number is likely higher due to under reporting.

Depelsha told PIX11 morning news her thoughts after hearing about Alton Sterling and said:

“I went to bed that night watching the video, the graphic video, of his murder by police officers,” she explains. “I woke up Thursday morning and there was some people in Minnesota talking about something else and I was very confused. Once I realized that another Black man had been killed by the police…I was frustrated, I was angry… I didn’t know what to do, so I… decided to activate an idea I’d had for a while which is to create a support group online for mothers of Black boys. I call that MOBB and I just sent it to about 30 of my friends I knew had sons. I didn’t put a lot of thought into it and within five minutes 30 [members] had turned to 150. An hour later there was a 1000 and then 2000. And by the night there were 21,000 moms from across the country who had joined.”

mothers of black boysWhen asked had she talked to her 7-year-old son about the police she admitted she hadn’t and shared why.

“No, I haven’t because they’re still very young and I want to shield them from those conversations. I want them to maintain their innocence as children and frankly at this point I don’t know what to tell them because that’s what we’re talking about as mom’s what do we tell them you can’t eat skittles, you can’t have a cell phone, you can’t have a wallet, you can’t have a broken taillight, you can’t sell CD’s, you can’t breathe. So I don’t know what the conversation is at this point. I think that’s a big part of the problem before I would say, ‘be respectful and comply’ and even when we do that it seems to not be enough.”

Let us know your thoughts…Have you joined or started any groups related to #Blacklivesmatter?

Why You Should Actually Participate In Facebook’s Transformation Challenge

June 23rd, 2016 - By Veronica Wells
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then and now

I don’t often participate in Facebook’s “challenges.” Mostly because the word challenge is misused. It’s basically just an opportunity for people to either brag about their life or give the people they know a chance to brag about what they know of their life. You’ve seen them, the people of Facebook created the one where women in relationships were challenged to celebrate their men. There are the ones that ask your friends to share their first memory of you. There are challenge where you reveal 25 things no one knew about you (which I did participate in) and one where you have a dollar and have to “buy” the relationship characteristics you want your partner to have.

This is no shade or judgement. I do enjoy reading most of them. But these days, I mostly use Facebook to talk about news and ideas.

But there was one particular on I kept seeing pop up on my newsfeed that caught my attention. It’s this Transformation Challenge, likely known by a couple of different names. For this one you’re supposed to compare you first profile picture with your current one. Perhaps the initial goal of the challenge was to see how much you’d changed physically. But the more it started spreading, the more people thought about the mental, emotional, and psychological changes that had taken place as well.

And while I had seen the pictures compared side by side with one another, it was this deeper level of introspection and authenticity that appealed to me. I thought about my own two pictures, vowing to compare them in my head before I wrote a post about them.

When I did, I recognized just how much I had changed, the lessons I had learned. And I realized that was indeed worth sharing.

So here’s mine.

For some reason, Facebook doesn’t record this as my first profile picture. But I know it was because this was taken by my sister Vanessa during my college orientation. A couple months later, when she and my parents left me in Missouri, it was her who told me it was time to start a Facebook page; something I had been avoiding, and we chose this picture. I love my before picture because it reminds me of my fear. 

The entire summer before I went off to school I was so nervous that I lost my appetite. I ate but, literally for three straight months, I was never hungry. It got so crazy that I had an endoscopy to make sure that I was ok. Nothing was wrong with me, physically. I was just so mentally preoccupied that food became obsolete. The mind is strong, y’all. 

This second picture was taken, five years after I graduated college, right outside of the office of what was my dream job, where I’m still employed. I still love the actual work of the job but when you get what you want, you see things you never considered. Aside from the makeup, locs, and accessories, the woman on the left is more confident and able to stand on her own. (The day this before picture was taken, my sister informed the family that she was my crutch. Facts.) And this woman on the left is a LOT less scared. There are very few things I fear now, very few. I arrived at this place mostly because the woman on the right learned that God’s got her. There’s something about being away from home, away from familiar that causes you to rely on God in different and new ways. And that’s when things start really poppin’! 

(And on another, entirely different note, I want to make it perfectly clear that I’m not bleaching. Lighting, photo retouching, and time of year make a huge difference. So y’all think about that when you accuse Beyoncé of whitewashing.)

What I found most inspiring is that my words, my journey were able to help some of the people who read it. And that’s pretty cool. I encourage you all, not necessarily to take part in this challenge, but do look at the two pictures and think about how far you’ve come.

Study Perfectly Explains What We Already Knew: You Need To Unfollow Your Ex On Social Media

June 16th, 2016 - By Victoria Uwumarogie
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Some of us believe that following a breakup, unfollowing your ex on social media sends the message that you’re clearly hurt over the split, and in some ways, displays a level of weakness or immaturity. But others believe that once it’s over, there’s no need to keep up with the goings on of your former flame whatsoever, so why follow them? Of course, it all depends on the person and where they are in terms of dealing with pain (or lack thereof) from the dissolution of the relationship. If it’s been a while and the romantic feelings are gone, following your ex probably feels the same as following an old classmate. It’s whatever. But if you haven’t fully moved forward, you’re setting yourself up for failure–and some hurt feelings.

At least, that’s what a new study featured in the journal of Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking states. About 464 individuals whom all have Facebook accounts and have experienced a split from an individual who also has a Facebook page were asked to take a survey about their social media habits and relationships. What researchers found was that 57 percent of participants were still “friends” on Facebook with their exes. Forty-six percent of these people said they still had exchanges with their exes through the social media site, but didn’t really talk outside of Facebook. They concluded that continuing to follow you ex, even if you don’t talk on the phone or anywhere else outside of social media, could have a major impact on your personal growth. In fact, the study points out that maintaining communication with them via social media could be a lot worse than actually having conversations on the phone and meeting up. Why? Because social media exposes you to facets of a person’s life that you wouldn’t know about otherwise. This kind of information, according to the study, can intensify heartbreak. That information includes seeing images of your ex with a new romantic interest, or viewing pictures of them super happy while you’re still feeling down in the dumps.

And yet, it was also found that Facebook exposure sometimes helped the individuals studied move on. As the results pointed out, those exes we don’t follow can “remain shrouded in an alluring mystique,” while those we see and know the whereabouts of can lose some of their luster in the post-breakup recovery process. Basically, you realize they’re not all that after all.

However, those behind the study said that overall, personal growth was mostly stunted for the large group of people who remained friends with their exes on social media.

As Tara Marshall, Ph.D., lead of the study and of the department of psychology at Brunel University in the U.K. told Mic, “The more you can minimize exposure, the more space you have to move on.”

Got it, doc. But I think we all knew that following our exes and delving into the lives they’re leading without us is far from healthy. They do call them an “ex” for a reason…

20 Types Of Facebook Posts That Are Stealing Your Joy

June 3rd, 2016 - By Julia Austin
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Have you ever noticed that after scrolling through Facebook for twenty minutes you’re usually left feeling hopeless, angry, confused, jealous or dejected? It’s okay—it happens to the best of us. You may not think that the posts you peruse or scroll past don’t make it into your subconscious, but there are a lot of intense emotions on Facebook that affect your mood whether you want them to or not. There is only so much filtering you can do because once you’ve read just half of an angry rant or saw a sad photo for a second, it’s made its mark. You can’t change what people post, but you can change what kind of posters you remain friends with. You might think it’s time-consuming to go through your friends list and start unfriending, but it’s a small investment in your happiness because certain Facebook posters and sucking the happiness out of you.

What’s Up With Moms Quitting Facebook?

May 23rd, 2016 - By Kweli Wright
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You’re trying to share a post with one of your friends on Facebook, but for some reason you can’t find her. You check the spelling of her name for the third time. Nothing. Wait a minute, did she unfriend you? Why can’t you find her?

It’s a familiar scenario. Friends who were staples on your Facebook page, suddenly vanish. This time, however, you investigate further to discover that your friend has gotten off of Facebook. “I needed a break,” she replies to your text. “I needed to spend more time with the kids.” It sounds similar to your bestie who took a month off of social media to gain control of what she called a ‘social media addiction.’ She used the time to be more productive and present with her twins.

You’d be lying if you said that it didn’t make you feel just a little bit jealous. Walking away from Facebook is like walking away from a caramel sundae with nuts. Most times, it’s complete overindulgence, but knowing that fact doesn’t make it any easier to say no. Yet, some moms are doing just that. Dare you say it’s a trend?

What’s up with moms quitting Facebook?

You ring your friend T., a mom of three who got off the social media platform, but recently popped back on. For her, the issue was privacy. “I would meet people I barely know and they would mention some of the things I mentioned on my Facebook status. I felt uncomfortable with the notion that we live in a glass bowl and everybody can peek in.” The break ended up being a year, (who knew it was that long!) and it took the death of a childhood friend to bring her back. “My last interaction with her was on Facebook, so it was a way for me to reconnect.”

There’s also your friend Susan, a mother of two young’uns under the age of three, who cancelled her Facebook account because she felt completely overwhelmed. She believes her absence from social media makes her a more fully present mom. “I feel like I’m in the camp of those moms who don’t feed their kids processed foods or non-organic produce. Like I’m looking out for my kids in an extra-special way.”

She did, however, venture into the YouTube vlogging pool recently, with a certain amount of trepidation. “I go back and forth all the time about featuring my kids on my channel. Do I mention their names? Do I include their images in videos? Do I tell cute little stories about them that could mortify them later when they get older.”

These are definitely valid concerns for any mom who uses social media platforms for work. Exactly how do you strike a healthy balance between mothering and social media when completely cancelling your accounts is not an option?

Dr. Kristin Carothers of the Child Mind Institute says that there are a few things moms can do to find that balance whether using social media for pleasure or work.

1. If you think you’re too often engaged in social media it might be a good idea to keep those apps off of your phone so you’re not constantly getting notifications and posting all day.

2. Give yourself a certain amount of time, say 30 minutes a day, to engage on social  media. That way, you’re not getting off of it altogether, which might make you feel deprived and cause you to binge.

3. Give yourself rules about the things you post. If you have 1,000 friends on Facebook you might not want to share intimate details about your family. Know what you’re using it for. Is it to communicate with your closest friends and family? Knowing that will help determine the types of things you post.

It looks like moms have been quitting (and returning to) Facebook for various reasons for a while now. So is it a new trend? Not really. The good news is moms don’t have to completely vanish. Hopefully, more of your mommy friends will stick around, even if less often. Honestly, it’s not necessary that you see them posts every day, a simple status update every now and then will do. 

Horrific, Abusive Parenting: Father Beats Son Bloody Live On FaceBook

April 29th, 2016 - By Chuck Creekmur
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Facebook

I have always maintained that technology marches us forward and backward at the same time.  We gain some benefits, but we lose something too. How many phone numbers do you have memorized these days? It is rapidly becoming apparent that people are leaning more and more to losing their humanity as we becoming more inundated with tech.
A bold father decided to teach his 17-year old son a lesson in an apparent act of “old school discipline” with a “new school” tech twist. The son left school without telling his father, which was a direct order if the boy was to leave. This infraction resulted in a bloodied nose. The video has now gone viral resulting in millions of views on Facebook alone.
The dad says in the video, “Granted, I know teachers can be f***ed up so I let him know he can walk out of class, but call me so I’m on your side,” the father tells the camera. ” All day went by, he didn’t call. So now it’s discipline time.”

The father finishes talking and calls the boy out. First, the son puts on his loves and then the dad put son his. They box. At first, it seems somewhat innocent, but then the son begins to bleed heavily from blows to the nose. The dad continues to pummel the son.
At the end of the video, the son is forced to apologize to his teacher for walking out of class and dad ominously says the next “report card better be golden.” Lesson learned?
The comments on this story were not one-sided but any stretch of the imagination. Some folks felt it was flat-out child abuse, while others thought the boy’s treatment was a sadly needed mixture of discipline and humiliation.
One of my friends, Lee Hawkins made a compelling indictment of the father.
Hawkins commented: “People don’t see this as “violence” but if this same method were used against or dog or a woman they would be coming for this man’s head. He would be all over the national news. But when it’s used against a small black male it is applauded! This young man has less value than a dog in the eyes of millions of people. And if a woman is beaten like this it is ‘domestic violence’ but if a child is beaten like this it is seen as ‘love’. Sad as hell! We can be better, but we have to do better. First step in that process is to go through self-examination and rid ourselves of the slave mentality. And to stop expecting the police to show our young people respect if we can’t show them respect ourselves. This was 10 times worse than the police officer who slammed the little black girl at the pool party. But we wanted him to lose his job and applauded this minstrel for beating this little boy. So counterintuitive and, as I say, ‘ignant.’ Just sayin’. smile emoticon.”

One woman fiercely advocated for the actions of the father. “Come beat mine and talk to them for me please. These lil fellas of mine is more than a hand full, “Latrese said. “My beatings don’t work.”  Later, she would expound saying that beatings were reserved to let kids know that the child made a more serious mistake.

Personally, I can find no place in my heart to justify the action by this father. To me, it was brutal to watch. Couple that with the millions and and millions of people that will bear witness to the sons embarrassment, it is just wrong across the board.  I understand everything about where Black boys are these days, down to the pathetic rate of high school graduation and black-on-black crime. Did I mention my dad “jacked me up” once? It was nothing like this and he wasn’t proudly parading his actions for the world to see. There must be a better way.

Is It Weird That My Ex Named His Daughter After Me?

March 28th, 2016 - By Veronica Wells
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Is It Weird That My Ex Named His Daughter After Me...

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There are few things more engaging, informative and entertaining than a gathering of intelligent Black people. This past weekend, I trekked from Harlem to Brooklyn to attend such a gathering. And as usual, I was not disappointed. We talked about racial tensions at our alma mater that had finally come to a head, bad dates, HBCUs vs. PWIs, and most interestingly, the intersection of social media and our past lives.

What started off as talk of 10-year-high school reunions turned into a discussion about how social media has granted us access to information we never would have known in the past and arguably, might not need to know today. We talked about the fact that you know not only the relationship status but even the inner workings of said relationships because of Facebook or Twitter. We know how many children someone has had since we graduated high school. And the odd couple from college who got married suddenly.

And perhaps most interestingly, we know, for better or worse, what our exes have been doing since we parted ways.

It was then that my friend from college shared a very interesting story.

Like so many of us, after the breakup she decided to remain Facebook friends with her ex. The two dated two-three years ago and recently, he just so happened to pop up on her newsfeed. She learned that since the last time she’d checked; not only had he gotten married, his wife had recently given birth to a baby girl. Babies are always blessings, so she liked the picture of the little girl and then kept scrolling to find out more information.

After a few scrolls, she found that the little girl had a very interesting name, her name.

Now, for clarification purposes, let me just not that my friend’s name is not Ashley, Kate or Sarah. It’s quite unique and quite Afrocentric. For the sake of anonymity, I won’t use her real name but think along the lines of Fatima.

Most of us, American born Black folk, don’t meet too many Fatimas in our life times. And interestingly enough, her boyfriend wasn’t even American Black. He was Latino and White. So, I would assume that he too hadn’t run into too many Fatimas during his day either.

But after dating a Fatima, for just about a year, he decided that it would be a suitable name for his daughter, something he and his wife would call her for the rest of her life. My friend “Fatima” who had liked the picture of the girl, quickly scrolled back up to remove her like, not wanting to cause any strife in her ex’s household. Imagine what his wife would think to see Fatima liking a picture of her daughter Fatima on her husband’s page. Obviously, since she’s his Facebook friend she would know the two had some type of connection. And Fatima reasoned that if he hadn’t told his wife about the inspiration behind their daughter’s name, she didn’t want to be the one to expose it and cause any tension in their household.

While my friend said a part of her was a bit flattered by the name choice, she also found it exceptionally weird and inappropriate. (I leaned more toward the latter sentiment.) Maybe he just really liked the meaning of Fatima. And maybe we’re all just a little too self centered to see that some people are big enough to disassociate the name from the memories they have with and of a particular person. Still, there’s something strange about calling your daughter by the name of your former romantic partner.

What do you think about naming a child after an ex? Does it mean that they’re not over you and want to honor you in some way? Or does it just meant that they happened to like the name? Also, if you were to discover that your husband named your child after one of his exes, what would you do?