All Articles Tagged "etiquette"
Many people were upset with the unceremonious way that NBC literally dumped Ann Curry out of the co-host chair in June and replaced her with Savannah Guthrie. Now Curry has given an interview with Ladies Home Journal in which she says her clothes were criticized while she was on the show.
“One day I wore a multicolored dress [on Today] and someone asked if I was trying to be Toucan Sam,” she told the magazine. She also says she was encouraged to wear sky-high heels and chooses not to dye her grey hair.
Unfortunately, we live in a world where women are judged much more harshly than men based on the way they look. The Grindstone, following the Ann Curry story, asked a few fashion experts about Curry specifically and office fashion etiquette in general. Corporette founder Kat Griffin points out that news anchors are generally a conservative lot, so Curry’s wardrobe stood out.
“That said: she was on a morning show, covering everything from serious news to puff pieces — and I’ve often heard her criticized for being TOO serious, and not ‘warm’ enough. So I actually think the colorful clothes were a smart decision on her part,” she says.
The rules of office fashion vary depending on the industry and the office. Some offices are totally fine with jeans every day. Others prefer they be saved for Fridays. It’s important to take the temperature of the room.
“Just look around your office and if you stand out like a sore thumb, exercise good judgement,” said another blogger, Marion Green.
Certain industries are also going to emphasize appearance more. If you work in one of these areas — fashion, television, and public relations might be industries where your attire matters more — you have to be mindful about looking the part.
Many companies have relaxed their dress codes, making the ease and comfort of getting dressed a perk of being an employee. Overwhelmingly, what’s appropriate has become a sliding scale. Certain things are never acceptable — too much skin or stained clothing, for example. But for the most part, if you’ll wear an outfit to your friend’s house to watch Netflix, on a beach vacation, or to the club on Saturday night, it’s probably not the right thing for work.
In Pretty Woman, Richard Gere tried to school Julia Roberts on social graces and proper etiquette. Now, everyone isn’t going to be sent to charm school on the dime of a wealthy businessman, but there are basic manners that some people like to act like they don’t have. Here are seven of those bad habits that need to be stopped.
Touching A Woman’s Hair
Women are one of the most versatile creatures on earth and hair is often an expression of that. However, many take that admiration a little too far when they reach out to touch that hair without a heads up or expressed permission. People’s hands roam in so many different places during the course of the day; a woman’s hair doesn’t need to carry those germs. The unsolicited reach and touch is also crossing the boundaries of personal space.
You’ll have to forgive me. As a young lady in her early 20s who has spent a lot of time focused on school and work over the years, I haven’t done a whole lot of dating. Sure, I’ve had a few boyfriends, a serious one or two, but most of those men were friends first. Therefore, there was no “Let’s exchange numbers, go on a few dates, play coy about who was going to call who when, and finally either get booed up or the boot.” The rules and etiquette of the dating game have gone over my head for a good minute, but now that I’m in NYC, it’s something I see that I need to learn thoroughly. So maybe that’s why I wanted your opinion on a certain scenario that happened to me not too long ago…
So, I met this very interesting and pretty good looking guy whose air of confidence and good vibrations was pretty infectious. His mother was Jamaican and his father was Nigerian (Nice mix, right?), and he was tall, dark and handsome. On top of that, he was into writing too, but actually spent a majority of his time as a theater actor in smaller productions. As a transplant to NYC, he reminded me of a starving (though he wasn’t) artist from the movies and TV who could bring dope conversation. And he did. After exchanging numbers, we could talk for hours on end about a little bit of everything. He was one of those “Hey Beautiful, how are you?” type of guys, instead of one of those “Hey” or “Whats gud” types (yes, the error was on purpose..I’ve seen it). I was excited about the prospect of getting to know him better, but I laid out from our very first conversation (let’s say it was a Monday) that my schedule was no joke. I work pretty hard and pretty long on this site, so when the day is through, I’m ready to be through too. Because of that, I asked if we could meet up on Saturday until I could decide whether or not he was worth making some exceptions for during the week (I didn’t tell him that last part of course). He said he understood and agreed, but the reality was, he really didn’t.
In fact, every day for a week this guy called me or text me at work and asked if we could meet up on that specific day: “Hey, I cooked some food, you want to stop by?” “I have a show tonight, do you want to come through and watch?” I don’t mind being spontaneous, but during that specific week, I was working late most of the days of the week. With earlier notice, I possibly could have budged, but because I didn’t know him well enough (and wasn’t comfortable being in his place yet) and because we’d already agreed on Saturday, I politely said thanks, “but I’m still at work.” That excuse was used on on top of the fact that borough hopping after work and being far away from my own home late in the evening also didn’t excite me. Long subway rides when you’re tired suck. But he didn’t get the memo. He kept texting me each day about how he really wanted to see me, and at one point, I felt that I was being pressured rather than being politely asked. I would just say, “Remember, we’re hanging out on Saturday, right? Do you mind if we just wait until then?” He would pretend like he was okay with that. That was of course until Saturday came.
After the last thanks-but-no-thanks, I got the feeling he was perturbed with me. Therefore, when Saturday came around and the hours started passing, I wasn’t surprised that I hadn’t heard anything from him. When I called him, there were no more “Hey Beautifuls” for me, just straight up irritation: “What’s up?”
Oh, okay, I see how it’s going to be I thought to myself…
When I asked him if we were still kicking it or if he had other plans, SURPRISE, he all of a sudden had something come up. A friend that he does theater with needed his help with a screenplay, and for some reason, it became a last minute emergency. I giggled when he told me about his new plan, you know, because it was bulls***, and in a way that I knew we both would understand, I said, “Okay then, bye.” Bye as in, it was fun while it lasted. Kind of.
Now when I talked to my mother about the situation after-the-fact, she broke down that I probably came off too rigid for him. Because I wasn’t willing to eat pancakes at his house when he asked or stay out late when I had to get up at the crack of dawn for work, I was too stuck in my ways and wasn’t going to be much fun. For a minute there, I could understand what she meant. So for the next few suitors, I tried to make myself more available (although I would show up to dates exhausted…so tired that I would yawn nonstop). But then again, I thought to myself, “I asked him if Saturday was okay, and he agreed that it was!” Keyword: AGREED. As in, Saturday, was what we agreed upon together. However, when it wasn’t anymore (and he didn’t bother to just say that), he decided to try and pressure me every day to do what he wanted to do at the drop of a hat. When he couldn’t understand my reservations about doing so, or my schedule for that matter, he copped an attitude and was too through with my rigid a**. So now I’m trying to figure out if he was doing too much, or if I was doing too little? And oh yeah, us meeting, talking, and falling out, happened in the span of one week…
Should I have tried to be more flexible, or should he have stuck with our original plan?
Just like Janet Jackson, please call me Ms. Karen or Mrs. Taylor-Bass, but certainly not Karen. We don’t roll like that if you are a child and under 25.
Is there something in the water or have children become too familiar with grown folks–thinking it’s okay to call us by the first name? Stop the madness; can a momma get a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T?
Respect is the notion of understanding that a high or special regard should be deferred to someone older. There are times when I feel that some kids are simply BeBe Kids dressed in nice gear with no manners.
As a Caribbean born momma of two and Chief Mom at The Brand New Mommy, I am around children (mine and others) every day. How you raise children sets the tone on what type of adults they (possibly) might become and their view/perception of authority figures and yes, value of self.
You see, if you never understand the principle of manners/respect, then there is no one you will fear and (actually) understand that a hierarchy of power is important in the game of life. I grew up saying yes or no Ma’am or Sir and that’s what I have taught my children.
It seems that respect has taken a hiatus for some households. Perhaps it’s the lifestyle of a relaxed generation of parenting, empowering children to feel free to express self, equipping them with gadgets like video games and cell phones to become totally tech-savvy, however, forgetting to teach them the importance of personal interaction and manners is well, simply bad parenting.
I did a post on Facebook asking folks how they would prefer to be addressed by children? The feedback was loud and clear: 99% of women and men felt that adding a Mr. And Mrs. was appropriate.
Kimberly Thomas of Valley Stream Moms says, “All my girls and their friends call me Ms. Kim. It’s a sign of respect and I would not have it any other way. It’s important that children understand that adults matter and deserve respect upon first introduction.”
On the other side of the spectrum, Brandi Williams says, “I am cool regardless; the title really doesn’t matter as long as I am treated with respect and the tone is set from the parents.”
Gilda Brown summed it up by saying, “Being older is not easy and kids need to realize that we have earned our stripes as parents and grown folks. I would never think of calling Cicely Tyson by her first name and I don’t even know her. Respect must be given.”
Real simple. It’s our job as parents to invest and teach our children the necessary tools to navigate, master and have access to the game of life. Manners, respect and etiquette are high on the list to secure the internship, job, invitation and promotion. Think about it—as you get older, perception, networking and relationships are pivotal to sealing the deal.
I still believe that children want to be taught right from wrong—that’s our job. Lets prepare our babies for the real world and let them know manners and etiquette really do matter.
Oh, the joys of the co-worker happy hour. It’s a good way to get to know other peers around the office in a relaxed environment that doesn’t involve beating each other to the coffee machine in the morning, exchanging emails and jumping from conference call to conference call without a moment in between.
Even though the office happy hour is an effective, informal way to be at-peace with the people you see every day, it has its limitations and “unwritten” rules. Always be mindful that even though your co-workers are nice and you should be comfortable around them, they are still connected to you FIRST on a professional level, so take heed to your behavior in relaxed surroundings, especially ones that involve alcohol and dim lighting!
As you get prepared for that next happy hour gathering with your fellow employees, keep in mind these important tips to make sure you leave behind a good impression and not a sloppy one.
by Selam Aster
As I was browsing my Google reader and scanning my favorite online mags and blogs, I noticed an article on Essence.com which tackled an all too-popular topic: men insisting on going Dutch on the first date. The author of the story titled “Girl’s Best Friend: Where Have All the Gentleman Gone?“, Nathan Hale Williams, lamented the dearth of gentlemen out there while recounting a story he heard from a platonic friend:
“She’d gone out with a guy for dinner and he suggested that they “split the bill.” Granted, my sister-friend does very well for herself, but the guy she went out with has a good job too. More importantly, he asked her out on the date. I totally understood why she was upset – her date didn’t get it.”
I’ve heard so many of these stories of men not paying on first dates that, at this point, I have to believe that enough women are doing the paying and promoting this trend. Let’s face it: this kind of behavior wouldn’t exist or persist unless there were enough women enabling the behavior. Sure, I do believe that if you’re bold enough to ask a man out, you better be willing to pay for your first date. But I want to hear from women who actually pay half or all of their bill on the first date, initiated by the male. Obviously, if we want to put an end to the lack of chivalry these days, we’re gonna have to be honest with each other and work together to uphold standards. I’m not saying you shouldn’t start paying by the third date, but I think it’s only considerate to treat a lady you asked out the first couple of times around.
Ladies, speak up in the comments section and let’s get real. Are you promoting the degradation of chivalry or are you really striving to be complete equals from jump?
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It’s that time of year again. Holiday cheer is in full effect and your company is throwing the annual holiday celebration complete with food, fellowship and an open bar. It’s rewarding to celebrate a long year of putting in work with your co-workers, but beware. When liquor is flowing freely in a festive atmosphere, it’s very easy to let professionalism slip away. A 2010 poll by human resource firm Adecco reveals that 40% of Americans have seen or suffered a major indiscretion at a work-sponsored holiday event. That’s a shocking percentage of messy behavior. Nearly a quarter of folks surveyed admit to drinking too much and a full 14% of holiday partiers have behaved so badly they lost their jobs. In this economy, that’s not a game. Here are some tips to avoid common holiday party faux-pas.
Communication is soooo important. So if you have a good back and forth phone relationship with your boo, good friends and family, then you should be proud and happy. Because there are too many people out here with phone plans who pick up the phone with nothing to say, offer two-word answers, text like 2 year olds, or fall asleep on the phone because they don’t want to be honest about the fact that they’re tired. You don’t have to be Six from “Blossom” talking a mile a minute, but at least be able to reciprocate the person on the end of your line. Take notes: these are a few things people do on the phone that they need to stop doing…
I know from time to time I can go in pretty hard on men in my posts, but don’t worry though, I’m an equal opportunity meanie. Observing folks, just like with men, I’ve encountered both really admirable, inspiring and uber-friendly women, as well as extremely “ratchet” and disrespectful ones too. The latter type of woman is what inspired my list for today. If you’ve done these things, I ask you to do just a tad bit better (or a lot) because the following public behavior is NOT cute. The title says “SOME” so if you’re not one of these ladies, please don’t act a fool in the comment’s section.
If you’re a lady (or a gentlemen) you hate to be rude. And canceling dinner plans or any other social engagement at the last minute, even if you have a legit reason, is in very poor taste. While this is not the ideal situation, sometimes life just happens. If you absolutely must get out of your plans because something pressing came up (not just because you just don’t feel like it anymore) there are ways to do it gracefully, without offending anyone in the process.
Check out the five ways to cancel plans over at Hello Beautiful.