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Every woman dreams of having a ring on her finger, right?! Long-term relationships are typically the pathway to marriage and beyond. However, not all men have marriage on their mind, at least not without some pushing and prodding. Here are 14 signs that your boyfriend isn’t planning to propose to you anytime soon.

A few months ago we told you that newly engaged Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kandi Burruss made it very obvious that she’s “team prenup.” Some found her revelation to be a bit shocking, as prenuptial agreements can sometimes be a touchy subject that celebrities rarely wish to openly discuss, especially newly engaged couples. In a January blog post, she expressed that a prenup is nothing more than a safety precaution.

“I do believe in prenups. I know that some people feel if you are truly in love and are planning to be dedicated to your marriage that a prenup somehow means the person requesting the pre-nup is expecting the marriage to fail. I don’t agree. I feel like it’s a safety precaution. Just like if you have a fire extinguisher in your home it doesn’t mean you expect it to burn down, but you’re just prepared to put out the fire before it starts if need be.”

In the April issue of Upscale, the 36-year-old reality star further discussed why she would probably be signing a prenuptial agreement before tying the knot with producer fiancé, Todd Tucker. During the interview Kandi expressed that she was shocked by the public’s reaction to her initial prenup talk.

“I don’t see why it’s such a huge topic of conversation. Prenups should be standard. Those things should be put in place when everyone is thinking clear-minded. Why would you wait until y’all fall out? People do things to hurt the other when they’re hurt. If I was a man and made that [comment about prenups] I don’t think people would’ve even cared, probably.”

She also spilled on her relationship with Todd, revealing that he’s hardworking just like she is.

“The cool thing about Todd and I is that he’s very smart, intelligent. We have so many ideas that we’re planning to make happen together. We’re workaholics. That’s something we’ve been talking about lately, trying to find more ‘us’ time.”

What do you think of Kandi’s stance on prenuptial agreements?

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Recently, I was scrolling through my Facebook timeline and saw that one of my friends had finally proposed to his girlfriend. I was super excited because it had been a long-time coming, but as I read the details of the proposal — namely the location where he asked — I had a super duper pause moment: that’s where he decided to pop the question?!

I won’t bust out the exact restaurant since my name is on this, but think Chiles,  Applebees, or some other national restaurant chain that people go to every single week for a cheap Friday night meal. Like it wasn’t even Black Folks’ holy grail fancy restaurant location Red Lobster (don’t act like most of us didn’t realize Red Lobster wasn’t a top notch eatery until we were 22), it was a basic, no type of ambiance having, run of the mill place to grab a bite. Not the place I personally would want to be asked something so monumental.

Now before you go calling me boughie or hit me me with the “you just wish someone was asking you to marry them” shade, let me explain my surprise just a bit. I knew this friend was going to propose for a long time now — actually everyone did. For starters, he and his then-girlfriend had already moved in together as a cost-saving measure for the wedding they knew they would be planning in the near future. And when it came down to when he was going to actually pop the question, he initially said it would be during the Thanksgiving holiday with his fiancee’s family. When that didn’t happen, the Christmas holiday seemed to be the next date, but then financial obstacles deterred that plan and the decision was put on hold indefinitely. He told everyone “it’s coming” and after Valentine’s Day came and went, I figured he was looking at winter holidays again and by the time everyone was wishing people a Merry Christmas, we’d also be saying “congratulations!” So that’s why when on a random week-day afternoon I saw it finally went down at a place I’d only pop in because I could get a drink and dinner for $15 I was a little…shocked.

To make sure I wasn’t trippin, I took a survey of female friends and co-workers and they all agreed that as they say in real estate, “location is everything.” Now I haven’t had the chance  to get all the details from my friend to see whether there was some sort of sentimental value attached to that restaurant, but that situation aside, I started to think about where I’d want someone to ask me that question and the truth is location is just as important as all the other details that go into a proposal. The same way you wouldn’t want someone to pull a Lil’ Scrappy and ask, “so is you gone marry a ni**a,” most women have places they either dream of being asked, or would absolutely die if someone popped the question there.

For instance, I’ve heard some girls say they would hate for their boyfriend to take them on a talk show and surprise them with the big question, or to have a “would you marry be Monica” proposal plastered on the jumbo tron at any type of sporting event. A lot of people also don’t want a crowd around and prefer that it’s a Tony Tony Tone, “it’s just me and you” type of occasion. The idea isn’t that it has to be romantic, but I would think intimacy would be the operative word here.

No situation lends itself more to the different strokes for different folks type of philosophy than marriage and all that goes with it, including the proposal and wedding, but I think it’s safe to say if you’re going to ask such a life-changing question, you had better do it in a place where there aren’t a bunch of random people sitting around drinking beers and yelling expletives at 42-inch TV screens while crunching on peanuts sprawled all over the floor. Unless you’re that type of gal.

What do you think? Does it matter where a guy pops the question?

Twitter

It looks like congratulations are in order for the couple!

Well, surprise surprise. No, we really mean that.

By all accounts – meaning their respective Twitter accounts – NY Giants defensive end Osi Umenyiora and former Miss Universe Leila Lopes are engaged.  Ladies, shed your quick tear over Osi if that’s what you need to do.

Last week, he tweeted a pictured of them “booed up” with a beautiful backdrop and the caption read, “I love you my beautiful fiancée @leilavlopes.” She then tweeted back the above picture with the same caption.

They’ve been thanking people for their kind words for a few days now so it looks like this is official.

Perhaps this is engagement is so surprising because it appears they’ve only been together since November. They were first spotted when Osi attended her party as she bid farewell to her Miss Universe title.  Prior to that, he was seen in September with Elise Neal in what looked like a date. He’s also dated Selita Ebanks and Free, formerly of 106th and Park.

Not to be outdone, Leila was spotted with Russell Simmons most of last summer. In fact, he told her not to become a publicity Slore after he accused her of sending the NY Post’s “Page 6″ a note that he’d sent her flowers the night of her farewell party. He warned her not to “stir up sh…”

So yes, the fact that these two are engaged so quickly is pretty surprising. But hey, “they say” when you know, you know…right?

I recently completed a book entitled What Women Don’t Know: The Unspoken Rules of Lasting Love by relationship expert and author Michelle McKinney Hammond. In the book, Michelle and Pastor Joel A. Brooks Jr. offer advice to single women on how they should handle their romantic relationships in order to increase their chances of having a lasting relationship that results in marriage. Among the advice offered, they suggest that every single woman create a two-sided list of character traits that she desires in her mate. One side should list negotiable traits and the other non-negotiable traits. The authors suggest that this will keep women from straying away and settling for any man who looks their way, while remaining focused on what they truly desire.

This of course got the wheels turning in my head. It especially made me and those around me wonder what specific characteristics we desired in a mate. Most of the single women that I know are on drastic ends of the spectrum. They either don’t have a list, or their lists are so specific that one would wonder if they’re being unrealistic and if the man that they’re imagining even exists. This isn’t to say that a woman should settle for less than they feel they deserve or have low expectations, but at the same time, some have a list of qualities they desire that are so fixed and specific it produces the danger of greatly limiting their options. And it also stops some from building the relationship they think they want because they can’t find the ideal mate since almost no one is going to meet every single qualification on such a rigid check list. I suppose this is why the authors of the aforementioned book suggest creating two lists, the negotiable and the non-negotiable with the non-negotiable list including things that most woman should or would refuse to settle for, such as an unfaithful, dishonest, unloving person and more, while the negotiable list may focus on things that may be less important such as certain physical characteristics and financial status.

I personally never really sat down to think of or wrote out a specific list of qualities that I would like my future husband to posses. There was always this abstract image that had no particular financial status or physical attributes, just a few quality character traits, which I suppose could be a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it. However, if I absolutely had to sit down and compile a list of characteristics I would like in a mate, an article written by Charli Penn entitled The 5 Types Of Men Who Make GREAT Husbands, which was featured on the Huffington Post a few months back would come to mind. Three out of the five types of men discussed in this article really jumped out at me as they are all characteristics that I would love to have in a husband. These traits included:

The Provider, who Charli depicted as a man who is selfless and “puts his family first.” She went on to discuss why this particular type of man would make a great husband: “Marriage is the start of a new family — your family. You will both want to provide for the family you create together, and it’s imperative that you are partners with the same goals in mind.”

The Rock, who is described as the man who “at your weakest moments, his strength keeps you stable and inspires you to push through.” Penn went on to illustrate the value of this particular type of man by stating, “He’s loyal, devoted, and a true pillar in the world of the woman he loves. This is the perfect recipe for a loving husband that you can count on through thick and thin; what woman doesn’t dream of marrying one of those?”

The Believer is depicted as a man who has “faith as his foundation.” Charli goes on to describe him further: “He believes in the things unseen and those that many give up on when the world turns cold: hope, morals, kindness, and good will. He has a church home, or a religious mainstay in his life and the fellowship refuels his engines… His moral compass is always turned in a positive direction… This man has the emotional tools needed in his toolbox to repair many of the cracks and dents that will inevitably appear in any marriage. He’s a fighter, and he will fight with you and for your marriage. He won’t give up, even when you do.”

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I’m about to rock the worlds of the commitment-phobes out there, of the people that spurt out statistics about divorce any time you ask them why they’re single, of the people that use their unhealthy couple friends as evidence why they shouldn’t date. They hold onto these myths about long-term relationships for dear life, because these myths are the only thing letting them pretend that they’re not just deeply afraid of finding love, and pursuing it. Sorry to blow the cover off your plan, you forever-single’s.

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Approximately two months ago, one of my girlfriends called me with some pretty big news. Her long-time boyfriend proposed to her and she accepted. She shared that they were planning to have a wedding in the coming months and that they planned on relocating to South Carolina before the year ended. I was ecstatic. I love to hear stories of couples getting engaged, especially black ones. While I knew that I would miss her once she and her hubby-to-be left New York, I was extremely excited for her and the new phase of life that she was preparing to embark upon. What came next was even more shocking than her fresh proposal and plans to relocate. She asked if I would be her maid of honor. “Awww,” I thought to myself. So caught up in the moment with all the good news that she shared and the fact that she asked me to hold such a coveted position in her bridal party, I quickly accepted.

It wasn’t until the initial excitement of it all wore off and I stopped gloating over another reason to get all dolled up that reality smacked me in the face. Although I was extremely happy for my girlfriend, I agreed to be her maid of honor for extremely vain and selfish reasons. I realized that I had accepted the role without having the slightest idea of what would be expected of me because of it. As I searched the Internet for information as to what the role of maid of honor actually entailed, I began kicking myself for accepting without really thinking things over. I stumbled across an article featured on The Knot, which lists the MOH responsibilities in detail.  It’s not that I’m a selfish person who refuses to make sacrifices for others, it’s just that at this point in my life, between graduate school and writing, I wondered how I could fit in such a huge responsibility. With each obligation I read, I moaned and groaned in my head.

“Lead the bridesmaid troupe. It’s the maid/matron of honor’s (MOH) job to direct the other maids through their duties. Make sure everyone gets their bridesmaid dresses, go to dress fittings, and find the right jewelry. Also provide them with the 411 on all prewedding parties.”

Ugh, I barely know what I’m doing from week to week. If it weren’t for my monthly planner I’d be lost. 

“Offer to help the bride with prewedding tasks, from addressing invites to choosing the wedding colors”

God, who has time for this? My life is already one huge deadline. How am I supposed to add anything else to this mix?

“Dance with the best man during the formal first-dance sequence.”

Crap. I can’t dance. 

“Troubleshoot emotional crises. In most cases, this will require lots of tissues, hugging, and hair-smoothing. The MOH continues to be a trusted friend, a good listener, and a smart advisor.”

*Gags*

As the list continued, I of course had an excuse as to why I couldn’t fulfill that particular responsibility. And then, just as it always does, my extremely overactive imagination got the best of me as episodes of WeTV’s Bridezilla began to play on the movie screen of my mind. “Aw, hell. What have I gotten myself into?” I thought. And eventually, my conscience kicked in and I realized how truly selfish I was being. Everything was “I” or “me,” meanwhile, one of my good friends was preparing to make one of the most important commitments of her life. The least I could do was be there for her. Okay, so I may be inconvenienced for a few months, but when my time comes, I would hope that someone would be willing to do the same for me. Being a maid of honor isn’t about having a long to do list, but about being supportive and self-sacrificing to ensure that you’ve done all humanly possible to help your pal’s big day to go as smoothly as possible. I’ve decided to grin and bear it, because all my friend needs from me now is support, not the boo boo face.

Jazmine Denise is a writer living in New York. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise

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When my friend Lauren was planning her wedding, her mom was doing the most.

She lived three hours away in Lauren’s hometown but you would have thought she was right next door considering how much input she had into Lauren’s wedding. From insisting they invite her entire 400-person church congregation to the wedding (and feed them) to shutting down the option of having a bridal shower in the city where Lauren and her fiancé live, I fully understood why Lauren didn’t move back to her hometown after college.

When she went wedding dress shopping with her mom and bridesmaids, her mom made the bridesmaids leave the room so as not to see Lauren in her wedding dress. Clearly, her mom took that silly groom-cant-see-the-bride-before-the-wedding superstition a little too far. But it was Lauren’s mom and she was excited, so I didn’t think much of it – until I heard her refer to the wedding as “Lauren’s Big Day” and told her future-son-in-law that all he had to do was show up at the ceremony. Did I mention he and Lauren were paying for their own wedding?

I couldn’t believe her mom took it there and I wondered, are we still doing that?

Are we still expecting the groom to not be involved in wedding planning at all? I sincerely hope not. It’s not just the “Bride’s Big Day”, it’s his day too. There are two people exchanging vows, so there should be two people determining how the day goes. When the groom is making suggestions the response from the bride (nor her mom) shouldn’t be: “We got this. Goodbye.”

On the flip side, the guy should want to be involved with the wedding planning. Just yesterday on this site, we posted a promo of “Marrying The Game” which is a new reality show special showcasing rapper Jayceon Taylor’s aka “The Game’s” wedding to his fiancé Tiffney Cambridge. In the promo, Tiffney is visibly upset because The Game isn’t really helping her plan their wedding and in fact he scheduled a trip to France while she is in the middle of preparing. Some women might prefer the groom to be nothing but a blank check writer while she’s planning, but it’s a red flag if the guy doesn’t want to be involved at all.

Why? Because it’s not even about the wedding planning really. Most of those details people freak out about during the planning, they don’t even remember 15 minutes into the honeymoon anyway. It’s more than about knowing you both gave equal input and came to an agreement on the color scheme. Planning nuptials together is a sort of last-ditch opportunity for couples to observe the level of respect, ease of communication, and willingness to compromise that will definitely be necessary for a solid marriage. If a couple can’t get along when planning their wedding, then that’s probably a wedding that should not happen.

Stephen Fabick, a psychologist who specializes in conflict resolution told CNN:

A wedding is a healthy way of making a public commitment to each other and acknowledging that you’re part of a web of family and friends that helps to nourish the relationship… sometimes, the extensive planning of a costly wedding can expose a couple’s differences in compatibility, values or beliefs. Surviving the task of planning a wedding together and ultimately living together for years and years means being able to support each other during basic decisions.

Of course, there are going to be some things that the groom just flat out isn’t interested in. Or things that the bride wants to keep a surprise from the groom. But overall, the planning should be a joint effort.

The best way to facilitate this from the outset is for the couple to sit down together and the bride can make a short list of 5 things that are important to her and five things that aren’t and the groom can do the same things with things that are important to him and things that aren’t. That way, the bride isn’t running around planning her “fairytale wedding” without a clue what her future husband wants or is interested in helping with.

The truth is, planning a wedding together that both individuals will enjoy will probably make at least the first year of married life much easier.  I’m not saying my friend Lauren or Tiffney and The Gamecan’t have a happy marriage. Plenty of successful marriages have begun with a groom whose sole responsibility was to fit into his tuxedo on the day of the wedding. I am suggesting however, that we do away with this whole “this is the Bride’s Big Day” silliness and embrace the fact that at its core, a wedding is the beginning of a marriage and therefore a Big Day for both of the people involved. Right?

Do you think weddings are too often viewed as the Bride’s Day?

Follow Alissa on Twitter @AlissaInPink or check out her blog This Cannot Be My Life

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I may cry for Brandy if her boyfriend Ryan doesn’t propose to her because ol’ girl has been running that “baby, baby please put a ring on it” routine for a little too long now. I get that once the media knows you’ve got a boo, they want to get all up in your business and probe about when you’re going to walk down the aisle, but people have been asking Brandy this question for far too long now and her expectation that a ring is coming without any confirmation from the man who would be doing the asking is starting to get a little tiresome.

The latest folks to probe Brandy’s relationship status are the hosts of The Breakfast Club. B-Rocka, as they called her, stopped by the office this morning and despite a couple of questions about her song with Chris Brown and reality TV, most of the interview was about her relationship — and where it’s going. Here are a few snippets.

Whether Ryan was involved with her album

He’s been involved from the very beginning, starting off with being an inspiration… He was definitely instrumental in helping with the song choices….He doesn’t have any publishing on the album.

Do they ever have trouble separating business at home

No, sometimes it’s hard because it is business and pleasure being mixed up. Sometimes when I want him to be a boyfriend he comes at me like an artist and I just want him to be a boyfriend.

If she’s thinking about marriage

Yeah, of course. I mean, I’m 33. It’s time to be married for real this time. It’s a great thing when you’re in love with someone and you’re connected. You want to share your life with them.

 On how she envisions her wedding ceremony:

I think I’ll know when I get my ring….I know my ring is coming.

I hope so girl.

Bobbi Kristina and the family are just weeks away from debuting their new reality show on Lifetime, “The Houstons: On Our Own.” The show follows the family of the late, great Whitney Houston, including her daughter Bobbi Kris, of course, her boyfriend Nick Gordon, Pat Houston and her family, and the matriarch of the clan, Cissy.

Though the show was originally pegged as a series showing how the family is getting on after Whitney’s passing, from the clips that have been released it appears the focus of the show is on Bobbi and Nick’s relationship. At one point the family clearly tells Nick they never expected him to go from a Godson to a boyfriend, all of which is eclipsed by Bobbi Kristna’s shocking confession at dinner one night:

“We’re engaged.”

Rumors have circulated for months that the pair had taken that next step and this reality show appears to confirm those stories. What remains to be seen is whether their relationship will continue to tear the family apart as it is now. It also appears we’ll gain insight into Bobbi’s estranged relationship with her father, Bobby Brown, and whether she really is spiraling out of control, and “grieving the wrong way,” as her aunt Pat worries.

“The Houstons: On Our Own” is set to debut Wednesday, October 24 on Lifetime. Check out the clips below and tell us what you think. Will you tune in?

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