All Articles Tagged "emasculation"
As women, we’re often unfairly accused of a lot of things because, you know, misogyny, patriarchy and the like. That is especially the case when it comes to our relationships with the opposite sex. But when Black women are accused of emasculating Black men in particular, there are so many additional elements that come into play. Like, oh, I don’t know, the long-lasting effects and consequences of horrendous acts committed against us, like the purposeful separation of men from their families – instituted during the trans-Atlantic slave trade and at numerous other points in history. When it comes to that subject, there’s definitely too much to tackle in this slideshow alone, but it goes to show you how our dynamics and interactions are shaped by so many factors and forces.
And on that note…here are several unfair ways that women are often accused of emasculating men.
In the latest installment of “let’s blame women for the alleged emasculation of men” comes a Change.org petition accusing First Lady Michelle Obama of rooting for the disenfranchisement of young men.
According to petition creator and A Voice for Men advocate and men’s rights activist Howard Goldman, the FLOTUS is guilty of ignoring the plight of the 32 million uneducated boys. Instead, she champions the causes of girls, even to the point of encouraging them to do better than their male counterparts.
To help illustrate his point, he uses a picture of a boy in famine scraping for crumbs on the ground. He also makes reference to the First Lady’s 2014 tweet in support of the “Bring Back Our Girls” hashtag campaign.
When Boko Haram kidnapped girls from schools to deny them an education you spoke out and condemned the kidnappers. You campaigned for the girls release and demanded they “bring back our girls”. When Boko Haram allowed girls to go home but locked the boys in the school and burned them alive, or shot and beat them to death if they escaped, you kept silent. When boys were kidnapped, you still said nothing. There was no condemnation. No anger. Nothing. Why is it when boys are the targets of violence you show zero compassion?
Goldman also has objected to the First Lady’s recent comments, made in front of about 1000 young girls, in support of the USAID “Let Girls Learn” campaign.
In particular, he writes:
A recent statement that you made in front of girls and young women was that they should “beat the boys” in education. This is the kind of mentality that belongs on a football field, rooting for your school. A First Lady shouldn’t be rooting for winners and losers when it comes to a country’s education. It is despicable that you would root for boys to lose when it comes to education. Shouldn’t we provide encouragement for all students? Shouldn’t boys be encouraged to do their best and shouldn’t we hope everyone succeeds? Boys are increasingly failing and dropping out. Boys are currently just over 1/3 of students in college. They are already losing, yet you are rooting for them to do even worse and are telling boys that you hope they lose. Girls should win. Despite the huge gender gap on campuses, there is still scholarships for women only. Special mentor-ship programs for girls only. When boys do excel, like in STEM, you and the administration aren’t happy and advocate that more boys lose and push for girls to win there too with special privileges for them. When have you ever spoken to boys and encouraged them to compete and “beat the girls”? No one would ever condone that. As such, no one should condone telling boys that society is rooting for them to lose to girls.
Goldman ends his rabble rousing by urging the First Lady to stop her “blatant sexism” and show a little compassion for the boys. He also says, “Women’s rights and feminism shouldn’t need to make sure male victims are ignored and shouldn’t tell boys they hope girls beat them. Yes, promoting that girls do their best and become educated is a noble cause, but not at the expense of boys. All children deserve an education and no child deserves to be rooted against.”
So far, the petition, which has been CC’d to President Obama, has 320 of the 500 signatures it is seeking. Once it has reached its goal, I am assuming that it will be packaged up in a hermetically sealed container and shipped out to First Lady Obama on a sea of salty male tears.
Seriously though, what a cry baby.
For one, I find the idea that this administration has not considered the welfare of boys extremely laughable. Have we forgotten about President Obama’s “My Brother’s Keeper” initiative? The program, according to the White House’s website, that is aimed at addressing “persistent opportunity gaps faced by boys and young men of color and ensure that all young people can reach their full potential”?
In fact, the program has a clear agenda: to support uneducated boys. That includes the creation of a foundation, which as written on the website states:
The foundations supporting today’s call to action have already made extensive investments, including $150 million in current spending that they have already approved or awarded. Building on that, today these foundations are announcing that over the next five years they seek to invest at least $200 million, alongside additional investments from their peers in philanthropy and the business community, to find and rapidly spread solutions that have the highest potential for impact in key areas, including: early child development and school readiness, parenting and parent engagement, 3rd grade literacy, educational opportunity and school discipline reform, interactions with the criminal justice system ladders to jobs and economic opportunity and healthy families and communities.
What it doesn’t have is a plan to teach young men to respect women, including funding towards domestic violence and sexual assault prevention. But that is an essay for another day.
But what do you think? Is Michelle Obama ignoring the plight of young men while encouraging their emasculation? I ask this question facetiously because I think we all know the answer to this one.
“It’s About Celebrating And Honoring Our Ancestral History”: Omar Epps Tries To Educate Folks On His Skirt
While I’m on team Let’s Not Judge People By What They Wear, as we told you about earlier in the week, folks have been trying to call Omar Epps a “sellout” and call out his masculinity because he made the choice to wear a leather (or pleather?) skirt during his appearance on The View last week. The one leading the charge against him has been rapper Lord Jamar of Brand Nubian fame, and the one defending him has been his good friend, comedian Marlon Wayans, as Jamar and Wayans had a Twitter beef over the skirt during this past weekend. But Omar Epps has decided to speak for himself, and he did, recently stating this on Twitter:
“The uninformed couldn’t understand my contemporary ode to my Zulu warrior roots. The Massai, Fante, etc. It’s tribal, study our history..”
He has since further explained himself, doing so on Instagram this week. He posted the following picture and basically said that before people start associating femininity with skirts, they learn something about our history:
“It’s sad that we as African-Americans are so disconnected from our true roots, our heritage & our lineage that most can’t see the forest for the trees. For me, it’s about celebrating and honoring our ancestral history thru actions. I walk on the shoulders of the ancients. And we’ve become so disconnected from our African roots that we give credit to others (who came long after) for “creating” that of which was our natural culture to begin with. We should embrace our history and be proud of our heritage! #FactsOverFashionStatements#RealityCrushesPerception #3rdEyeClarity“
Of course, Lord Jamar, who is super invested in this anti-skirt movement, responded to Epps’ “3rdEyeClarity” and called it BS:
So now ni**as wanna flip it & bounce it & act like they was doin some AFRICAN s**t…yeah ok! GTFOH
If that’s what u was doin @omarepps then u should have verbally stated that when they made u stand up & model for them.
Ya’ll ain’t NEVER talkin bout AFRICA any other time now that a conscious artist calls u out u wanna fall back on the MOTHER LAND.
Fashion makes a STATEMENT, this is why is called a FASHION STATEMENT. ..duh. What STATEMENT are we making in skirts?
What may have been CULTURALLY ACCEPTABLE thousands of years ago is no longer the case.
TODAY the CULTURAL ARCHETYPE is that skirts & anything resembling them are for women. PERIOD!
I am well informed Mr. @omarepps let’s not even play these games.
Dude tried to act like he was taking some intellectual high road. Smh
I & all people with intelligence reject ur explanation @omarepps
When we wear close we are often trying to SEDUCE someone, we want them to be attracted to us by what we have on…who u trying to attract?
This is all so interesting. I understand that some black men feel that to wear a skirt is a feminizing the brothas, especially when you do it on national television and in front of the world, but if YOU feel that way, then YOU avoid skirts. My whole issue is with people being so concerned about what someone else puts on their body and treating that person the enemy because of the fashion statement THEY wanted to make. What’s that really about?
Anywho, share your thoughts on what Epps had to say, and Lord Jamar’s response to it all, below.
On The Talk, Jeannie Mai revealed that her husband felt emasculated because of her successful career, and well, her chunkier salary. Mai’s husband’s sentiments, it seems, are shared by many other men with significant others. Needing to be most prosperous half, “straight men feel bad about themselves when their girlfriends succeed,” NYMag reports.
According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers discovered that men often compare their achievements to their girlfriends’ or wives’ success. If he presumes that his woman is more successful than himself, he will interpret his own lifework as failure.
‘It makes sense that a man might feel threatened if his girlfriend outperforms him in something they’re doing together, such as trying to lose weight,’ said the study’s lead author, Kate Ratliff, of the University of Florida. While the study finds that a man’s self-esteem often correlates with his woman’s successes or failures, “the same does not ring true for women – they do thrive in the shadow of a successful husband,” DailyMail said.
“When comparing all the results, the researchers found that it didn’t matter if the achievements or failures were social, intellectual or related to participants’ own successes or failures – men subconsciously still felt worse about themselves when their partner succeeded than when she failed,” DailyMail added.
How did the researchers manage to come up with these conclusions? Well, in one experiment, couples were given a test of problem solving and intelligence. The investigators then told partners that their significant-other scored in either the top or bottom 12 percent of all test-takers. They later asked how they felt about their partner scoring either high or low on the test—and of course—all of them claimed that they suffered no loss of self-esteem. So researchers implicitly tested their self-esteem by using a computer program that “tracked how quickly people associate good and bad words with themselves,” DailyMail said. The participants were not told about their own test performance.
According to NYMag, here’s what they found:
No one would admit to feeling differently as a result of their partner’s performance, but men whose partners scored in the top 12 percent showed “significantly lower implicit self-esteem” than those whose partners had scored in the bottom 12 percent. […] Women’s personal self-esteem was not affected by their partner’s test score, but they felt better about the relationship when their partner was successful.
The study was conducted with 896 Dutch and American participants with five experiments.
Ever experience a man that felt intimidated by your success?
From Your Tango
Do you scare away the men in your life because you come off as too controlling? Do you want to learn how to take a backseat in your relationships and let the other person lead for a change?
In this video, Relationship & YourTango Expert Jasbina Ahluwalia helps a reader who is often criticized by the men she dates that she’s too controlling. She wants to be able to hold on to her power as a woman but also maintain a healthy and balanced relationship.
See what this expert has to say to this woman at Your Tango.com.
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Gone are the days when men wore pants and women didn’t. Thanks to women’s suffrage and common sense, women wear what theywant, earn competitive wages and have more to look forward to than being someone’s housewife. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
It’s a liberating time to be a woman, compared to eras past. When it comes to being politically correct, men and women are equals but all that liberation shouldn’t go to a gal’s head. While culture has widened what’s acceptable for a woman, it hasn’t allowed as much wiggle room for men.
While you, and society are upgrading what it means to be a woman, guys are still expected to be MEN. Every woman wants her guy to be a man but many modern ladies struggle to allow him that space. Worse yet, in an effort to be his equal, you may act to rob him of his manhood altogether.
It’s a move every single man fears, and every committed man hates: emasculation. Rather than assume you know that you’re doing (because if you do, he’s in big trouble) view these next slides as the top ways to show a man that being a man don’t mean squat:
Not what you want to do.
Belittle what he does for a living.
Today, like 1000 years ago, who a man is has been directly tied to what he does for a living i.e. a baker, blacksmith, shepard or financial analyst. If you don’t respect what he does for a living, you need to end it. But if you decide to stick around, know that belittling his profession is like laughing at the size of his penis. His feelings will be hurt and he is going to resent you.
Some women are naturally bossy. Some of us have major alpha personalities. We like to feel in control. That plus an instinctive knack for “nurturing” sometimes creates romantic atomic bombs and, instead being the wife or girlfriend our man needs, we are more like screaming cockatiels—like his mother, telling him what to do, when to do it, how to do it and why your way is best.
Few women are purposely evil, so your behavior has likely gone unnoticed during your weekly self-reflections. That’s where this post comes into play. It’s time to assess whether or not you’re mothering your man: