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From Essence

Ask Dr. Sherry

Q: I am engaged to a wonderful man, but he has some issues that are starting to get the best of me. He constantly brings up my past. I feel that I am a wonderful, beautiful, educated 48-year-old woman, but he constantly brings up something in my past that I am not very proud of and do not want to talk about anymore. I cheated on my ex-husband but made the mistake of telling him about it. It had nothing to do with him. The affair was over before him, and I have never cheated on him. There were things going on with me at the time, and I have figured out what those things were that caused me to do that, and I know I will never do those things again. I didn’t feel good about it, and to this day, I still carry some guilt. While my ex had his suspicions later, he never found out. I divorced him because I was not happy at all in the marriage. I have tried doing everything to prove to my fiancé that I would never cheat on him, but every now and then, the subject pops up out of nowhere. It makes me feel vulnerable, insecure and just downright tired. I get angry, I get sad and I’m tired of feeling this way. Why would he ask me to marry him if he can’t get over my past? I’m getting tired and feeling worn out over this situation. I want to make it work, but I can’t live the rest of my life like this. Please advise.

See what Dr. Sherry has to say about this on Essence.com 

Shutterstock

From Essence

Dear Dr. Sherry,

I am writing to you for some relationship advice. I am in a happy place in my relationship with my soul mate. We have been dating for quite some time and have been living together for two years. He is in the midst of building a fabulous home and totally has me in his future plans, and I love it all.

The only problem is that he has recently told me that he will be having his teenage son come live with us full time. The teen has a number of issues that they fail to address, like obesity, constant bed-wetting, lack of manners and poor hygiene. Do I put my feelings of happiness on the back burner or try to work out the new living arrangement? I am hoping you can provide me with some help on this one.

Best,
Conflicted

Read what Dr. Sherry Blake has to say about this on Essence.com

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From Essence.com

My husband and I have been married for almost seven years, and for the last three months we’ve been separated. We seem to have a multitude of issues, ranging from communication, finances, sex and trust. We married later in life, both of us coming from completely different backgrounds, but in some ways we both still seemed to want the same things. He says he doesn’t feel respect, trust, or love from me, and I’m not sure how to show him. We married very quickly after meeting one another, so I’m almost sure we did not take the time to get to really know one another. I feel isolated from him, like we don’t really connect with each other. We don’t talk, we don’t laugh, and I don’t feel I can share my deepest fears or joys with him. I don’t feel like we are friends at all, much less best friends. I asked him about getting some professional help, to help us get it together, and he agreed and said he would find us a therapist. Three months have gone by now and he has not produced one yet. Any time I mention it, he just says that a counselor can’t don anything for us that we can’t do for ourselves. He feels that if we just try dating and getting to know each other and have some fun, things might just improve on their own. We have been going out and trying to date, but I find myself always thinking about what’s wrong with us and why we can’t seem to get to the core of our problems. I really feel like the longer we stay apart, the less I am going to want to be together. I’m sure I love my husband, but I just don’t know how to get us back to the early days of our marriage when things were good. What advice can you give me?

See what Dr. Sherry has to say about whether or not this woman can salvage her marriage over at Essence.com.

We came to know Dr. Sherry Blake from her appearances on the “Braxton Family Values,” working Trina and her husband Gabe. Even though Trina and Gabe are dissolving their marriage, we saw that Dr. Sherry offered sound advice. We caught up with Dr. Sherry at the Essence Music Festival to chat about the ways black women go wrong in relationships and how we can make it better.

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