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For the past few weeks you’ve been trying to exercise more, eat healthy, and overall you think you’ve been doing pretty well. Until you hop on the bathroom scale and discover that you haven’t lost any weight! And now panic sets in: Good Lord, I’ve got 2 months to get into that two-piece! Why aren’t I losing any weight?!

Now first off, I want you to calm down girl because what you’re experiencing is pretty common. And you do still have time to make it into that two-piece- I promise! We just have to figure out what you’re doing wrong and tighten things up. Here are 3 common reasons why you can’t lose weight:

Reason #1: You’re eating back all the calories you burn

When you want to lose weight, you’ll need to focus on creating a calorie deficit- which is basically an imbalance between the calories you’re eating and the calories you’re burning off. More calories out than calories in creates a calorie deficit. And sustaining this calorie deficit consistently over an extended period of time is what leads to weight loss.

Now let’s say you want to lose weight- say, one pound a week. Because one pound of fat is equal to 3,500 calories, it stands to reason that you should create a calorie deficit of approximately 3,500 calories per week (or a calorie deficit of 500 calories per day) to lose one pound per week. OK, so now that you know this, you confidently start your diet and exercise routine. For the first few days or weeks, you’re on top of things and keeping track of your calories in versus calories out. But then something happens. One day you hit the gym and then you use the ‘I exercised today’ excuse to overeat later in the day. Then another day you overeat and say something like, “I’ll just work out extra hard tomorrow to burn it off.” Then another day you make another excuse for overeating. And now guess what you’ve done? You’ve decreased your calorie deficit. And this is why you’re not losing weight. Because you’re eating (or even drinking) back all the calories you’ve burned. So the takeaway is this: Don’t fall into the trap of overeating because you’ve exercised (or plan to exercise later). Believe me, I know how easy it can be to rationalize having that extra bit of food after Zumba class, but don’t do it ladies. Remember exercise can help you lose weight, but not when you’re eating back all the calories you’ve burned.

Reason #2: You’re eating too much sugar and refined carbs

I have a weight loss motto and that motto is this:

You can’t ‘out-exercise’ a crappy diet

That said, one reason why I strongly advise keeping a food journal is because people have this incredible knack for totally underestimating the junk they eat. Plus, people like to delude themselves into believing that exercise will make up for poor food choices. But that’s just not how it works. Truth is, all calories are not created equal and all foods don’t affect our bodies in the same way. Take a diet that is high in sugar and refined carbs for example. Let’s say you’ve worked the numbers so you’re able to create a calorie deficit while still allowing yourself the pleasure of eating a diet that’s high in sugar and refined carbs like soda, white bread, white rice, and pasta. Sweet! Now you don’t have to give up your goodies, and since exercising too, everything should work out. Except when you go to weigh yourself after a few weeks of this “awesome” diet, you notice that you still haven’t lost any weight- or maybe even gained weight! Huh?! What gives?!  

Imagine this:

You’re a young Black woman in her late 20’s. You’re socially active and have a great life. But you’ve recently noticed that you’re starting to feel more and more fatigued with your daily routine. You think your fatigue is just part of the stress coming from your busy life. So you try a few at home “remedies” to help with the exhaustion. But nothing seems to help. You’re pretty good about taking care of yourself and notice that you have your annual medical check-up coming up. So you make a mental note to mention your symptoms to your doctor.

The day of your doctor’s appointment, you nonchalantly mention your symptoms. Your doctor decides to order some blood work and tests. In the meantime, he/she tells you to get rest, reduce stress, and that they will contact you in a few weeks with your test results. You take their advice. But a week later you’re still feeling fatigued and your joints are aching. Shortly after that, you get a call back that your lab results are abnormal. Your doctor says that you need to come back into the office because your lab results are consistent with a diagnosis of lupus.

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From the desk of Dr. Phoenyx:

Let me jump right in by confessing that I have snooped. And I’m not ashamed to admit it. Why? Because in EVERY snooping case, I have discovered exactly what I sensed- deception. I have confirmed a past lover’s unfaithfulness or general deceptiveness, and snooping gave me the ammunition I needed to “pull the trigger” on the relationship. I haven’t snooped on every ex. But when I dealt with someone that caused that little voice in my head to whisper “something ain’t right here girl,” I did take it upon myself to check things out. And you know what? I do not feel the least bit guilty for it. I listened to my intuition and it never steered me wrong.

I’ve always found it interesting when folks give advice like: “You shouldn’t snoop. You should just talk to them. And if your partner says they’re not cheating/lying, just drop the issue. You’re probably just being insecure or paranoid. And even if they are cheating/lying, you still shouldn’t snoop. Eventually the truth will come to light anyway.”

Really?! As far as I’m concerned, that’s absolutely ludicrous. And I would never give someone I cared about that kind of advice. In this day and age, the risks are too high for a woman to just “wait for the truth to come to light.”

I’ve observed some men that have taken lying and cheating to a level that is worthy of a psychological case study.  And as I’ve gotten older I have come to accept that some men do lack that “morality chip.” Some don’t always behave the way that they should, and leave you with no other option but to snoop. For example, a close girlfriend of mine once shared that her fiancé started disappearing for hours at a time and not picking up her calls. Her gut told her something was up. So she decided to do the “adult” thing and confront him. She asked him directly: “Are you cheating?” And he responded: “No babe. That’s ‘crazy’. I love you. I’d never do that.”

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Ladies! I have a few questions I’d like to ask:

“How many of you ladies have a child or children?” and…

“Do you think it’s selfish for a woman not to want children?”

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The beauty of natural hair is undeniable. And with so many women now making the decision to go natural, for beauty and even health reasons, it’s important for these women to also know that going natural is rarely something that should be done on a whim. Going natural requires a lot of things. And usually, the process requires months or even years of contemplation and education. Yes, it’s very tempting to run to a stylist shouting “I want that!” after you’ve seen a natural haired woman rocking a gorgeous afro or locs. But you should resist doing something impulsive before you’ve fully prepared yourself for the commitment. Take your time to think the whole process through. The road to natural hair is wonderful but it is also paved with occasional obstacles. Here are 5 things you’ll need “before” going natural:

Hola chicas! Dr. Phoenyx here and today we’re going to be chatting a little about similarities and differences in caring for relaxed vs. natural hair. Now contrary to popular belief, “caring” for relaxed hair is not that drastically different than caring for natural hair. And I can say this from personal experience. I’m a natural haired woman, and have been for over 6 years. But there was also a time when I had relaxed hair. Yes, it’s true that my natural hair doesn’t exactly “behave” the same as my relaxed hair did. For example, my natural hair responds differently to things like styling products, heat, and even water. But in the general sense, whether I was working with relaxed or natural hair, I made sure to follow certain basic principles- especially since my ultimate goal was to have long, healthy hair.

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Have you ever spied on your man?  Have you ever snooped through his emails, checked his text messages, scrolled through his cell phone call history, scrolled through his laptop’s browser history, or rummaged through his laundry? Maybe you’ve followed him in your car- or even sat outside his house to see who’s coming in and out? Yes, this list may seem familiar to the “average snooper.” But it’s just the tip of iceberg. We haven’t even gotten into the more “elite” snooper’s arsenal of computer spyware or voice activated bugging devices.

It seems that playing Sherlock Homegirl is now becoming a very common practice among today’s women in dating and married relationships. In fact, in a recent, study more than a third of women surveyed (33%) admitted to checking a boyfriend’s email or call history on the sly. And if you guessed the desire to snoop would be less among spouses, you’d be wrong. It was also found that slightly more married couples snoop on their spouses- 37% to be exact. Furthermore, the number of women that reported snooping on their partner’s has actually risen.

But why is this so? Is it because snooping is just in a woman’s DNA- or is it because men give us a reason to spy on them? The reasons vary from case to case. But from personal observation I’ve found that the top five reasons why women snoop on their men are:

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I’m a big lover of music and natural hair. And I love artists like Lauryn Hill, Erykah Badu, and Jill Scott who proudly and confidently rock their natural beauty in the form of lovely locs and gorgeous afros. Not that I’m knocking other mainstream artists that don’t wear natural hair. But for me, it’s always refreshing to have something different and unique.

And speaking of mainstream artists and their hair, I recently read about an interesting exchange between Rihanna and one of her Twitter followers. Apparently Rihanna had just released the official cover art for her new single. And after seeing it, one of her fans asked this “interesting” question via twitter: “Why does her hair look so nappy?”

Now the fan didn’t verbally ask this question directly to Rihanna. She tagged her in a tweet.  She ended up getting a very straightforward response. And here’s what Ms. Rihanna had to say: “Cuz I’m black Beyotch!”

Now honestly, I couldn’t help but chuckle. The moment took me back to the much missed days of Dave Chappelle and Rick James skits. But I don’t want to get sidetracked. So let’s get back to the original topic: “Nappy hair.”

I think this Twitter exchange (as funny as it was), was also a serious insight into how some black women, even in 2011, are still very much consumed with fitting a “standard” and not embracing their natural beauty. Personally, I’m glad that Rihanna responded so matter-of-factly. Because honestly, her hair is the way it is because she is black. And what’s wrong with that? I know so many black women that are so afraid of their hair being called or thought of as “nappy”. It’s really sad because it just clearly shows how some black women have an inferiority complex when it comes to how they think they “measure up” to other races of women.

Where did this come from? Well I speak from personal experience, when I say that “social conditioning is a hell of a drug.” I hid behind relaxed hair for years because I didn’t want “nappy hair”. Fortunately, through a lot of self-examination and self-love, I was able to shed those insecurities. Now I have “curly,” “kinky,” “coily,” “nappy,” whatever you want to call it hair. My hair is natural and I love it. It’s gorgeous, long, and most important of all, it’s healthy. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

It always saddens me when I hear black women try to distance themselves from their “nappy” hair. I even know some black women who’ve been relaxing so long that they don’t even know what their own natural hair looks like.

The reality is that black people constantly feel a certain level of pressure to assimilate into mainstream culture. And I would imagine that the pressure is even more profound for artists like Rihanna who want mass appeal. The concept of “fitting in” is so deeply engrained in many of us. And we try so hard to be someone or something else- all at the expense of hating on ourselves. It’s truly a shame.

But overall, I’m glad Rihanna is accepting of her race and her hair texture. And I’m glad she confidently and unapologetically proclaimed it. It should be a lesson to many of us. Black women, and women in general, need to own who we are. Because we have to first be beautiful in our own eyes, before our natural beauty will ever be acknowledged by others.

What are you are thoughts on Rihanna’s response to the “nappy hair” comment?

Why do you think some black women have an issue with their hair texture?

Want to leave a question/comment for our writer Dr. Phoenyx Austin? Well head over to her Facebook page and follow her on Twitter. A phenomenal mix of brains and beauty, Dr. Phoenyx is a physician, writer and media personality who’s all about natural hair, health, and happiness. And she has been featured in Essence and has also appeared on popular shows like The Russ Parr Morning Show and The Warren Ballentine Show.

Breakups can be a very difficult experience. You’re crying, confused, and your heart feels like it’s in a million pieces. It’s not called heartbreak for nothing. You’re trying to understand how someone who once said “I love you” could now just drop kick you in the chest. And because of all these intense emotions, sometimes we ladies will end up doing some pretty unhealthy or irrational things after a breakup.

I’m not saying that men don’t do unhealthy things as well. But I want to talk to the ladies right now. I know our emotional nature. We women love hard and we love long. And because of this, sometimes it’s hard for us to let go- even if we’re dealing with a man that doesn’t deserve our love. But when a relationship is over, you really have to let it go. Why? Because one, you have to trust that God or the universe has a better plan. Two, you shouldn’t waste time on someone who doesn’t recognize how fabulous you are. And three, the tile of “crazy stalker ex’ is never a good look.

So ladies when a relationship ends, just let it go. You and your ex broke up for a reason. So let it burn. Dry your eyes, straighten your back, lift your chin and keep it moving. Trust that the universe has something better in store for you- because it always does   But while you’re waiting here are 7 things you shouldn’t do after a breakup.

You don’t always have to buy fancy, big name hair products for your hair. Sometimes the best products are actually very simple and found in your local Whole Foods store. What are these simple hair products? Well they’re natural oils. I’m a natural haired woman and know first-hand that natural oils are amazing for hair. They work wonders on my hair. And I’ve been using natural oils for years to make my hair softer, shinier, and even stronger. And relaxed hair ladies shouldn’t feel left out. Natural oils are great for relaxed hair too. Basically hair, especially black hair, needs oil. So get hip to the natural oil game! Here are seven fabulous natural oils for natural and relaxed hair.

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