Source: OWN

I remember when I first got my Kindle, I went crazy buying books.  One of the good things about Kindles are that you can read the reviews before you purchase the book.  So when I went to look up some of Iyanla Vanzant books, there was a review that surprised me.  One reader talked about how they lost respect for her and questioned her credibility when during one of her shows with teen girls who were prostituting themselves, she had Karrine Steffans to talk to the girls.  Because of that one act, this reader completely disregarded all of the positive things that Iyanla has done for people (though the review was written in 2009).

No one’s past is spotless, and no matter what your intentions are, you might have a small blip on your background that could cause people to call your credibility in question.  Especially when you gain the notoriety of fame.  Some people have been able to rise back up after the hard hit of public opinion, while others have stayed down.  Let’s look at a myriad of these professionals.

Dr. Drew was at it again on Life Changers Wednesday, delving into yet another issue that is touchy for black women—the age old  natural hair debate. After the women discussed their issues regarding maintaining natural locs or explaining why they opt to wear weave (or not, as one woman likened weaves to hats), a few men weighed in with their thoughts.

One man was sternly critical of weaves, suggesting it’s hard for him to take an accomplished woman with fake hair seriously because it’s not natural. Plus he added that, “the carpet doesn’t match the drapes,” speaking of the hair downstairs, as he put it. He made a better point, though, when he said that if the woman representing this took the hair off, he would pay more attention to her face. The weave got in the way. I thought that was a positive point for a man to say he is more interested in really seeing a woman, as opposed to what grows from the top of her head — especially when there are so many other men who place a heavy emphasis on women having long hair.

Unfortunately, the woman on the panel did’t believe it. You can hear her in the background in the video clip below saying she bets if she went up to him with her nappy hair, he would not say she looks good. I remember a similar story. My ex would always tell me never to cut my hair after it had grown pretty long, and he would always compliment me on it. While it felt good to know he liked my hair, at times it also felt odd. Too much emphasis was placed on why I was wearing my hair curly or in a bun on a particular day, and I often wondered just what would have happened if I did decide to cut it.

For many of us growing up, it was nothing to hear stories of someone getting beat with a “Hot Wheels” track, or an extension cord or even a switch if your family was old school enough. While these shared occurrences have often served as a source of humor amongst our community, the issue of beatings or “whoopings” can also be physically and emotionally traumatic for a child.

The most recent, high profile example of this, came out in an interview with rapper DMX and Dr. Drew. In his book, DMX writes that he was beaten as a child. DMX tells Dr. Drew that while he feels the beatings made him a better person, to some extent, some of them were extreme.

“It got pretty bad…there was plenty of days I couldn’t sit down at school. She used to have these three extension chords that she braided together. Sometimes we would get it with that. THAT was rough!”

As a child who was spanked and not beaten, I can’t relate to this type of discipline; but, I can understand where it comes from. The practice of beating our children for many black parents was a protective measure. A measure that reaches back to an ugly time in our nation’s history.

Dr. William H. Grier and Dr. Price M. Cobbs state in their book “Black Rage” that beating comes from slavery.

Beating in child-rearing actually has its psychological roots in slavery and even yet black parents will feel that, just as they have suffered beatings as children, so it is right that their children be so treated. This kind of physical subjugation of the weak forges early in the mind of the child a link with the past and, as he learns the details of history, with slavery per se.

While this logic is a little off, I understand it. Beating a child during slavery could serve as a protective measure. If I, as your parent, beat you and train you to obey authority at the threat of physical punishment, maybe you won’t have to endure the beatings of a less amicable, less concerned overseer or slave master, who might ultimately take your life.

The logic makes sense for that period and even far after when blacks were still expected to submit to whites during Reconstruction and the Jim Crow era. But what is the reason for beating a child, particularly a black child, in modern times? Aside from the notion that old habits die hard I don’t get it.

Fortunately DMX is raising his children differently.

DMX -”You don’t really have to beat them. That one time…smack them on the a__ with a belt a couple of times and they’ll get the point. It was not continual beating. Anybody you’ve got to beat over and over again, evidently it’s not working.”

Dr. Drew – “More like spanking?”

DMX – “…you give them a spanking that one time. After you explain to them not to do it…”

Dr. Drew – “But with your mom it got out of control?”

DMX – “Yeah. That’s why I talk to my kids first. I sit them down and explain to them what they did wrong. If I see that they are genuinely remorseful about the situation, then I’ll let it go.”

It seems that DMX, despite his own upbringing, has gotten it. Hopefully we can learn something from him.

What do you think, do beatings have a place in modern day child rearing?

You can watch this segment of the interview in this clip below.

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I guess all of the black relationships experts were busy when Dr. Drew’s producers were putting the guest list together for their black men who refuse to date black women episode that aired today on “Life Changers.” Instead of featuring people qualified to speak about black relationships, or even normal women and men, Dr. Drew and his staff apparently chose to use the most over-the-top black YouTube stars they could find.

Thanks to a fabulous reader who alerted us over email, we cracked the case on a few of the guests who appeared on the show. The “rejected” woman in red on “Life Changers” today was Deena Jacobs, a semi well-known YouTube ranter who appeared on the reality TV show “H8R” after sending in a video explaining why she hates Kim Kardashian for “stealing our shine” via her big booty and black boyfriends. From her appearance on “H8R,” it’s clear she has an issue with interracial dating, but it’s because of her own self-admitted jealousy that Kim Kardashian capitalized on an asset that’s not exactly novel among black women. I can name about 1,200 other ladies who feel the same way. Does that mean they should be on Dr. Drew too? No, being jealous of Kim K.’s huge behind does not qualify one for anything.

When I looked at the longer clip of the show (below) along with this new knowledge, Deena seems more like an actress than a woman truly hurt or concerned by black men dating non-black women. Plus she rants to entertain. She says funny things to make people laugh. She’s not trying to solve an issue that is touchy and serious to a lot of black men and women. This chick just wants to be popular for having the same figure as Kimmy Kakes. Her follow-up “Plantation Mentality” video shows you just how serious she takes her cameo on Dr. Drew’s show.

And the man who got in her face about her attitude in the “Life Changers” trailer for the show? He’s a YouTube “star” (for lack of a better word) as well who appropriately calls himself Crazy brah and has multiple videos describing how much he hates black women.  The only thing that brings me peace about Crazy brah is the fact that his videos have captured a relatively small number of views. What I can’t understand is why the people behind the show would even take a chance on having a man who says he needs to smoke a blunt as he discusses black women who “talk white,” and n****s who don’t know how to play spades, all the while calling black women b*****s and h*s. As a result of his hatred for black women he proudly states he can see why “Chris Brown beat that b*****s a**.” And surprise, dude’s got mommy issues too.

I recognized yet another woman from the first clip we posted about “Life Changers,” too: Shanel Cooper-Sykes. The “Stilettos in the Kitchen” author and life coach has more credibility than either of these two people combined, but she’s no relationship expert. I imagine it’s her “All Men are Dogs” video that landed her a spot on the show—and at least she’s coming from more of a positive place to some degree—but again, it’s YouTube.

Why, why, why would the producers of “Life Changers” select THESE black people to talk about black love? Why?

We already knew it was a bit suspect for a white man to be so concerned with interracial dating in the black community, but did the producers of Dr. Drew’s show even do their homework? YouTube searches for crazy black people does not count. I just lost whatever ounce of respect I had for Drew Pinksy, who I’m convinced at this point just plays a doctor on TV.

Initially I wanted to watch this show just to see how things played out, but now I’m boycotting. It’s irresponsible, and quite frankly, lazy for the “Life Changers” producers to provide a platform for such foolishness. I’m not surprised the set got a little testy. I’m sure if I closed my eyes and went eeny meeny miny mo on YouTube to find someone to talk about interracial dating among black men and women, I’d come up with a bunch of foolishness too. It’s also disappointing that for at least two of these guests, they are selling themselves and the black community out for a few moments of shine.

Dr. Drew didn’t want experts on this topic, he wanted entertainment. Thus, he joins the long list of carpet baggers selling out the relationship issues of black women to make a quick buck. We see you Dr. Drew.

I know from yesterday’s comments, most of you weren’t too keen on the show in the first place, but how do you feel about it now? Is Dr. Drew dead wrong for bringing YouTube stars on his show to discuss issues between black women and black men?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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UDPATE: This show will be broadcasting on Friday, Oct. 28 at 3:00 and 3:30 pm.

Dr. Drew’s set is going to explode tomorrow. On his talk show “Life Changers,” an audience of all black men and women will be crammed into one tiny studio to discuss not just interracial dating, but black men who refuse to date inside their race. Yes. The beating up of the single black woman in the national media continues.

The short preview of Part 1 of the episode below doesn’t show much, but a few typical comments in the interracial dating debate can be heard. For example:

A black female guest tells the men “we’re feeling rejected,” and “we’re tired of it.” A black male guest gets in her face and says, “I don’t like your attitude.” Yes, we have tread these tired waters before. Most of us are over this.

But I feel sorry for this particular woman actually, because she still cares. I remember when I used to feel rejected when I’d hear a black man make a comment to the tune of “that’s why I’m going to get a white girl,” or “that’s why I stopped dating black girls.” The idea that a white woman has something better to offer over a black woman just didn’t sit well with me at all until I finally realized:

That’s his problem, not mine.

Am I really missing out on a guy who puts his fingers in my face or who has to be held back by a panel member (who by the way is the only black male matchmaker, Paul Carrick Brunson), in front of a live studio audience? Is a man who says he prefers white women over black women because they are more subservient really for me? Do I really want to procreate with a man who is more concerned with the texture of his future children’s hair than the mental and spiritual qualities his partner possesses? If a black man can so easily write us all off for the transgressions of black women from his past before getting to know us as individuals, isn’t he the one in need of help?

In one year we’ve gone from planking to owling, and now squashing? In an episode of Dr. Drew, a woman describes the technique as a sexual fetish involving sitting on a man until he is on the brink of death from an inability to breathe.

Before you watch the video, please brace your body, mind, spirit and soul. It reminds me of when you’re laying down and a little kid just plops down on you in any kind of way—except instead of a 60-pound body, we’re talking 600. The grunting from the man—which doesn’t sound anything remotely like sexual pleasure—says it all. I’m not even going to ask if you all are out there squashing men — even if you could. This takes a whole lot more than sexual desire to pull off, for both parties.

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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