All Articles Tagged "down low"
When I heard Carolyn Moos’ story, the woman who was engaged to gay, basketball player Jason Collins, I felt sorry for her but I couldn’t say I was exactly surprised. There are a lot of men, particularly black men, who are in severe denial about who they are. While Jason was wrong, he’s certainly not alone. I know that from personal experience. I’ve never been in a serious relationship with a gay man but in middle school and high school, the time when we become aware and start acting on our sexuality, three gay boys tried to date me.
I could take such advances as a threat to my womanhood; but instead, I realize the confusion and desperation these boys must have been feeling at the time. And for whatever reason, I was the “last resort” girl.
First there was Adam Baxter. I met Adam in 6th grade. He sang in choir with me and hung out with all girls except for one other boy, who we also assumed was gay…or at least bisexual. In addition to choir, Adam and I had a couple of classes together. We became fast friends because he was pretty hilarious. He’d literally sashay up to us, chest stuck out, wrist broken to share a quip, some gossip or a compliment about one of our outfits. And when our interactions were over, he’d swish away. These may sound like severely exaggerated characteristics, but I promise you that was his steelo. So imagine my surprise when one day, my friend told me that she and Adam were dating. Umm…ok. If she liked it, I loved it. After all, we were in sixth grade, the days when having a boyfriend was of supreme importance. I figured it was a relationship of convenience. It lasted a week.
Naturally, I assumed they broke up because she no longer wanted to date someone who was gay. But apparently, this wasn’t a conversation they’d ever had. Because two weeks later, as proper middle school dating decorum would dictate, Adam asked me out.
We were standing in the lunch line waiting for our tater tots and Fruitopia talking about something insignificant when all of a sudden Adam’s tone shifted. He looked in my eyes and said, “Veronica, do you want to go out with me?” I couldn’t believe it. And before I even had time to give a polite response I blurted an appalled “No.” If I had any doubt that Adam wasn’t gay, his reaction to my rejection removed all doubt. The boy literally put his hand to his heart, dropped his jaw and said “Ugh.” I chuckled a bit to myself before I apologized and explained that I didn’t like him like that and we went back to being friends.
You could assume that Adam was just severely effeminate but by the time we got to high school, even though we went to separate schools, news of his “coming out” somehow made it back to me. Absolutely no surprise there.
After Adam there was Justin in 8th grade. Just like Adam, Justin and I were really good friends. I didn’t know for sure that Justin was gay. I just knew that in 8th grade, when the knuckleheads around me were trying desperately to assert their manhood, Justin was just a bit more sensitive. He asserted his like for me a little less aggressively. He sent an anonymous note that read:
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet. Guess who likes you?
When A Sistah Misses The Signs: Famous Women Who Married Gay And Bisexual Men And Didn’t Know It (And A Few Who Did)
These women and their partners started off like the perfect couples. Like many, they were happy, and felt like they had the whole world in front of them. But that was until the women found out their man was gay. Some did during their marriages, others did after the fact, one found out when her husband messed around with her stepfather. Ouch! Either way, it’s clear that some folks just aren’t who they say they are and when you’re in love, what might seem obvious to somebody else is hard for a sistah to see. Hey, you live and you learn. Here are nine women who have been involved with gay and bisexual men at one time or another.
‘They Said It About Oprah and Gayle:’ Johnny Gill Sort of Addresses Gay Rumors and Eddie Murphy Relationship
If you’ve been around for a little while, you’ve probably heard those vintage rumors, which imply that New Edition singer Johnny Gill is on the downlow and his longtime “bromance” with actor and comedian Eddie Murphy is really a romance. For years whispers have alleged that Gill and Murphy have been carrying on a secret relationship disguised as a friendship. During a recent interview with OMG Insider, the 46-year-old singer addressed the speculations. Check out what he had to say.
On gay rumors:
“Let me make sure we’re clear on something, whether it’s being called gay, accused of being a thief, if somebody is lying on you and saying something about you that is not true, it just doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel good.”
On rumors that he and Eddie Murphy are more than friends:
“They said it about Oprah and Gayle. They’ve said it about Will and Duane Martin. So I guess we fit in that group because we’ve always been tight. Eddie could care less about it. Anyone that knows Eddie knows that Eddie lives Eddie’s life and he’ll look at you straight up and go ‘Hey, keep messing with me and I’ll hit you with my wallet and knock ya out.’”
While we don’t know Johnny’s sexual preference, we will say that something about his response to the rumors seems a bit strange. During his appearance on TV One’s Unsung, he also briefly touched on the rumors, stating that he believed they would go away, but they only got worse.
“I thought: it’s going to go away. It didn’t happen. As a matter of fact, the more you tried to ignore it, the harder it was becoming,” he said.
Click to the next page for footage of Johnny’s interview. Thoughts?
Several years ago I dated a man I’ll call “Rico.” I met him through a mutual friend and our relationship became serious rather quickly. He was President of his fraternity, an excellent father, attended church regularly, and played basketball on Saturday mornings. I quickly found that he was everything I wanted in a man and I couldn’t wait to be his wife. Little did I know that marriage to me, or any woman for that matter, was the last thing on his mind.
One night during one of my many visits to Rico’s place the doorbell rang. It was one of his best friends who had dropped by to see us. He came by to inform us that he had accepted a recent job offer and would be moving out of state. I was disappointed because I really enjoyed having Rico’s friend around and I knew how crushed my man would be once this friend actually left. I greatly underestimated how much these two men really meant to one another. I went into the kitchen to prepare some food since I assumed we would all be celebrating this new step in his friend’s life. I didn’t realize it had gotten quiet outside the kitchen due to the commotion created by all of the pots and pans I was working with. I popped my head out to make sure Rico and his friend were still in the living room. They weren’t.
Both of them loved to shoot pool so I figured they went to his game room. As I headed towards the game room I heard something in the bathroom instead. I couldn’t quite make out what it was so I made my way to the bathroom to investigate. As I got closer to the door, I could hear voices. The door was shut, but I was certain both voices belonged to Rico and his friend. I chalked it up to “guy talk” and turned back to the kitchen. Big mistake.
As I made my way back to the kitchen I heard a loud bang from the bathroom. Panicking, thinking someone was hurt, I rushed back to the bathroom since I had no idea what the loud noise was. The door was still shut so I started banging on it. I asked if everyone was okay. No answer. I banged on the door and shouted both Rico and his friend’s names. There was still no answer. My imagination got the best of me as I ran through different scenarios that may have been going on inside the bathroom. While on the verge of a complete and total breakdown, the whispers I previously heard returned.
Apparently, Rico and his friend thought I retreated back to the kitchen. The whispers became louder and pretty soon I heard sounds that are usually found in the bedroom, not between two friends who are supposed to just be having a little “guy talk” as I had initially though. I proceeded to bang on the door again, this time in anger. Rico timidly came to the door as I shouted all kinds of obscenities. He tried to explain himself, but I was too furious to listen. I could not believe my man just had sex with another man while I was STILL at his house! Not only was it extremely bold and disrespectful, but the man was GAY. He didn’t bother trying to tell me that he had these feelings before, and sadly I had to find out, possibly the last to know, due to Rico and his “friend’s” reckless behavior.
Clearly, I must have missed signs that indicated this man was on the down low. I racked my brain trying to determine if there were any obvious behaviors Rico demonstrated that I failed to see. I couldn’t come up with any. After all, he enjoyed sports, he seemed masculine enough and he loved women. Or so it seemed.
Several months later, after I calmed down from the shock of being in a one-sided monogamous relationship with a gay man, Rico and I had a serious discussion. It turned out that he had been gay all of his life and he wasn’t even remotely bisexual. His friend had been his part-time lover during the entire length of our relationship and what I caught them in the act of was a goodbye love-making session. Rico was was tired of hiding his sexuality. He came out of the closet soon after I caught him getting off in the bathroom and he’s now proudly living his life as a gay man. I would be happy for him if he hadn’t been so selfish, not caring about my feelings or my health. If only Rico had grown tired of hiding his sexuality and wanted to be a proud gay man BEFORE he met me…
Have you ever dated a man who wound up being gay or bisexual?
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I just read an article and you answered a question if you wanted to know if your male mate was gay. I liked how you answered the lady with the famous athlete question. I would like to know if you can answer mines.
Ok, my son’s father makes me think he has some tendencies of being gay or bi- curious. I was wondering if he is just lost in his sexuality of knowing what he wants. He has dated many women in his life and always maintains or keeps one. But, he cheats with many women and that’s why I’m not with him now.
But, the reason for me thinking of him being gay is because he likes looking at naked men private parts, but tries to be funny about it. He loves for a woman to play around his anal area during sexual intercourse. He wanted to take my dildo toy home after we had sex. He also makes funny statements sometimes as in, “I love Jay-Z and I will give him 0-ral sex.”
I was just wondering if his dating so many women and always cheating on them is a cover-up to him hiding his homosexuality? I am wondering and wanted to know so I can help him so he won’t keep hurting women, especially if that’s not where his heart truly is. Thank you for your time, but I truly do need your help. – I Think My Son’s Father Is Gay
Check out whether Terrence Dean, a.k.a. the gay best friend, confirmed this woman’s suspicions on HelloBeautiful.com.
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The truth is people lie. While most of us tell little white lies, there are people in this world who specialize in lying about any and everything. Really, some of them are more than liars, they’re con-artists. We took to our Facebook and Twitter pages to find out some of the lies our followers have heard during their dating journeys. Turns out some of these men they dated, were hiding some pretty big, unacceptable secrets. Check it out.
Anonymous: The man I was dating for 4 years, got his ex-girlfriend pregnant flew down to Vegas and married her at the Bellagio and I found out almost a year later from a private investigator.
Sharon: Not sure yet???But I got that gut feelin’
The funny thing about stereotypes is that there’s a little truth in every ‘I’m just kidding.’ Meaning, we laugh at stereotypes because at the root of them there’s normally a little more truth than we like to admit. For instance, the stereotype that black people love chicken makes us laugh because deep down we know chicken is one of the first things to disappear at the family BBQ. But then there are some stereotypes that are a little overused and while true for some, these stereotypes don’t represent the majority in any way.
Here are a few that I just can’t wrap my head around:
After starring in the action-packed comic book film, ‘Kick-A$$,’ co-starring with Dylan McDermott in the TNT drama series, ’Dark Blue,’ followed by a cameo appearance in ‘The A-Team,’ Omari Hardwick is having the best year of his acting career.
You have GOT to hear him discuss playing the “down low” role here.
According to recent statistics from the Center for Disease Control (CDC), ‘More than 3 million women are, or have been wives or girlfriends of men who secretly have sex with other men.” The Family Pride Coalition has recently estimated through their studies that at least 20 percent of all gay men in America are in heterosexual marriages. These are pretty alarming statistics and are indicative of the many hypotheses that have been formulated on men “on the down low.” That is, men that engage in same-sex infidelity, while being in a heterosexual relationship- whether it’s marriage or courtship.
As reported in these research studies, many women who are in relationships with these “down-low” men typically are unaware that their partner is engaging in “brokeback” activity. And, sometimes, these respective women are the last to know and are harsh on themselves for not seeing the warning signs. In fairness, I think that it can be somewhat difficult to pick up on these signs, especially when you love and trust these men.
Although there are myriad studies on “down-low” behavior, most case analyses do not place emphasis on the warning indications. Thus, I think that it would prove beneficial and value-adding to discuss at least five ways you may be able to tell if your man could be possibly engaging in “brokeback activity,” without being intrusive. As a caveat, no human is perfect, so the presence of one of the following signs does not necessarily indicate that your man is engaging in this type of clandestine behavior. However, the more indications of these anomalies that you observe, it is very likely that you may be married to or courting a “down-low” man:
The panel of The View is in hot water again for comments that Sherri Shepherd and guest host D.L. Hughley recently made about HIV/AIDS and how it spreads in the African American community between straight women and secretly gay or “down low” men. The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is calling on the ABC show to retract their misleading quote.