All Articles Tagged "domestic violence"
A quote that I see frequently my IG and Twitter timeline is: ”You attract what you are,” and I’ve got to say, that quote bothers me sometimes. Especially when it comes to domestic abuse. October is Domestic Abuse Awareness month, and this seems like there’s no better time than now to address the perceptions that people have of domestic abuse victims and the blame people place on them.
As time has gone on domestic abuse has been placated to the position of a joke, and then the rationalizations begin to surface. “Aww, that chick had to have done something. I bet she probably hit him first, or was talking crazy, thinking that a man wasn’t going to hit her while she’s acting like a man. Proved her wrong.” “It’s her fault, she shouldn’t have jumped in a relationship so fast, not knowing the person, then it wouldn’t have ever happened.” Or the line that makes that small vein in my eye throb of: ”You attract what you are.” Why must people say such stupid things?
Domestic abuse is an issue that is important to address across all racial lines, and according to statistics from the Domestic Violence Resource Center, 25% of women will face domestic abuse in their lifetime. That’s one in four women. On top of that, African American women have the highest statistics for domestic violence and fatalities by the hands of a current/past partner, but it is the most under reported crime (meaning that the numbers, as high as they are, are even higher due to people not speaking up until the last minute).
So many times I feel as though we fall victim, ourselves, due to the theory that W.E.B. DuBois coined as “double consciousness.” The theory expressed that for African Americans we see ourselves through two different consciousness; who we are, and how others perceive us. So, a lot of times we behave in the way that we’re expected to, it becomes some what of a self-fulfilling prophecy. African Americans are seen as uberly strong individuals. We’re the “don’t take crap” from anyone, and if you have something to say to me, I’ll shut you down with the quickness, and sometimes we might get to the point that we believe our own hype. This hype, I believe, is one of the reasons why so many African American women stay silent to the abuse, that and victim blaming.
It’s not easy knowing that the world expects you to be strong, but you’re cowering under someone else’s fists, and/or insults? On top of that, there’s the fear of the question: “Well, what did you do?” that haunts some women. Feeling that if when you go for help, the blame will be put on you. And that’s not fair.
Let’s get things straight. No sane person goes into a relationship asking to be abused, degraded, or made to question their own self-worth. You didn’t ask for that to happen. So no, it’s not your fault. Regardless of what anyone says to you. Even if they use the line, “You should have waited until you knew him/her better,” it’s still not your fault. Most abusers are able to hide the monsters that they really are to get into a relationship. For my case, I was with someone for an entire year before the abuse came. But, let’s take it to an extreme example. Dennis Rader. This man was married, had two children, and four years after his wedding, he started killing people under the name “BTK.” According to all accounts, his wife had no idea, and had no reason to be fearful of this man, the same one who terrified the citizens of Witchita, Kansas.
But, before I let you go, let’s also dissect one more misconception, domestic abuse is not limited to women. There are men who are abused by women as well, verbally and physically, and none of it is right. Whether you’re a man or a woman, no one has a right to put their hands on you, and hurt you. You didn’t ask for it, and you didn’t get into that relationship expecting it to happen.
For most cases, you were a good person, who just so happened to be with a terrible human being. That’s not a reflection on you, it’s a reflection on them and the ghastly ways that they tried to control and harm you. You are so much more than that, and so much more than what a “meme” is dictating about you. Always remember that.
You may remember Olympic track and field star Lashinda Demus, who won a silver medal in the 2012 Olympics. The 30-year-old California native is making headlines again, but unfortunately, it’s not for her athletic abilities.
According to TMZ, Lashinda has filed for a protective order against her husband, Jamel Mayrant, who just a couple of weeks ago was arrested and jailed for domestic violence. According to the filed complaint, Lashinda is accusing Jamel of strangling her and threatening to kill her. Court documents go on to say that as a result of the incident, Lashinda was left with bruises and a lump on her head.
In her request, she also asked that the restraining order cover their 6-year-old twin sons, whom she claims Jamel also threatened. As if that isn’t horrible enough, Lashinda is also accusing her husband of trying to destroy her image.
“I’m a professional athlete … so I need no derogatory emails, pictures, texts, phone calls released about me on the web or to other people,” court documents read.
The courts have granted her temporary restraining order request, ordering that Jamel stay 100 feet away from Lashinda, the boys and her parents.
It looks like Damon Dash’s son has a problem keeping his hands to himself
According to the New York Post, 21 year old Damon Dash, Jr., aka Boogie, was arrested on Tuesday in New York City after attacking his girlfriend or “lady friend” after they had a disagreement.
The report says the young lady was visiting Boogie’s apartment when they had an “apparent dispute over sex,” according to a law official who spoke with the newspaper.
The source went on to say that he punched and slapped her, then threw her on the bed where he proceeded to get on top of her and choke her.
The young lady didn’t immediately call the police; instead, the situation seemed to have calm down for a second. However, that didn’t last long as Boogie once again jumped on top of her in an attempt to strangle her.
It was at that point that she called the police on him.
Dash, Jr. was arrested and charged with misdemeanor assault and strangulation.
The police report described the woman’s condition as having a black eye, a cut lip and several other bruises.
Boogie was released from jail on Wednesday without bail after signing an order of protection which prohibits him from having any contact with the young lady.
Wow. So a disagreement about sex leads to a young woman being abused? What a terrible situation. For years Damon Dash’s son was seen as the “nice and sweet kid,” but apparently he has a lot of other things going on we knew nothing about.
No word on whether or not Bookie will have to make another appearance in court.
‘The Antichrist Is Here!’ Terrence Howard Reportedly Threatens Murder-Suicide During Fight With Ex-Wife
Anyone wanna organize a petition begging Terrence Howard and Michelle Ghent not to ever try to get back together again? I’ll be the first to sign.
Nearly three months after their ugly divorce was finalized, Terence Howard and ex-wife Michelle Ghent were back in the headlines after one of their secret reunions during a Costa Rican family vacation went horribly wrong. Once the couple got back to the States, Michelle filed for a protective order claiming that the Dead Man Down actor has beaten her again. Photos of a battered Michelle with a n*sty black eye surfaced not long after news of the incident broke. Terrence, however, claimed that Michelle was lying and that she was actually the aggressor in the situation. He also claimed that she went as far as threatening to kill his family.
As if all of that isn’t horrible enough, it appears that there were more violent showdowns between the couple that no one knew about. In court documents recovered by the New York Daily News, which detail a dispute that allegedly occurred just two weeks before the former couple’s divorce was finalized (April 23rd), Michelle says that when she confronted Terrence and “confirmed” that he’d been inappropriately speaking to six other women—one of them being 17 years old— he lashed out by slamming her onto a hardwood floor and tossing her computer out of a window. She went on to claim that he threatened to kill himself.
“He grabbed an X-Acto blade and put it to his wrist as if to cut himself. [He also grabbed the] belt on his robe and displayed attempts to hang himself,” she said in her filing.
She also claims the actor threatened to kill her as well.
“I’m just thinking if I should kill you first before killing me,” Howard allegedly said to her.
Text messages, which Michelle claim were sent to her from Terrence were also recovered. One disturbing message reads:
“I will become Satan Himself! You were my last chance to love. I will now Hate in all things and seek my vengeance among Humanity for all the wrongs ever done to me!! I have suffered because of my faith and will now destroy the world of Mankind! You just killed the last grain of light within me! Now the Darkness has begun! I hate all things because of you! The Antichrist is here!”
If you were to read the headline Marcus T. Paulk arrested for domestic violence. It would be unfortunate but it probably wouldn’t mean much to you. But honey, Marcus T. Paulk is the 26 year old actor who played Brandy’s younger brother, Myles Mitchell, on her hit show “Moesha.”
According to TMZ, the actor turned himself into authorities after allegedly putting his girlfriend in the hospital. He was arrested not too long ago.
Paulk’s girlfriend, a singer who wanted to be identified by her stage name Andi Roxx said the altercation started at a Beverly Hills nightclub called Confidential. She said she and Paulk got into an argument because he wasn’t paying her enough attention.
Roxx says by the time they got home the fight had turned physical. Paulk punched her in the chin, she swung back and busted his lip open and he hit her again, this time in the stomach. She says he also kicked her in the stomach and told her to get her stuff and get out.
Roxx went to the hospital the next morning with internal injuries. Law enforcement were sent to the hospital where she told them what happened.
Police contacted Paulk and his attorney arranged for the actor to turn himself in.
Police officers were called to the Colorado home of Denver Nuggets player Ty Lawson and his pregnant reality TV star girlfriend Ashley King aka Ashley Pettiford, TMZ reports.
When authorities arrived on the scene, Ashley, who is most known for her role on Oxygen reality show Bad Girls Club, tearfully told officers that she and Ty got into a verbal disagreement after she overheard him on the phone speaking to another woman the night before. She reportedly went on to say that after the argument, she began packing her things to leave, but Ty stopped her by shoving her onto the bed. According to reports she reacted by throwing his phone and breaking it. In turn, he reportedly placed her phone under water.
Ashley, who is six months pregnant, went on to tell police that despite being shoved, she was sure that her baby was okay because she felt it moving around after the incident. Both Ashley and Ty were placed under arrest. Ashley was arrested for criminal mischief due to the damage she’d done to Ty’s phone. Ty was arrested for suspicion of domestic violence and criminal mischief for the damage he’d done to Ashley’s phone. They were both later released from jail on $1,000 bond.
Yesterday we told you that Dead Man Down actor, Terrence Howard, is heading back to court with his ex-wife, Michelle Ghent, whom he’s still been secretly hooking up with, nearly three months after their messy divorce was finalized. But this time, their court proceedings have nothing to do with alimony or prenuptial agreements. Instead, they’re discussing death threats and filing for protective orders. When the story first broke, reports were filled with allegations made by Michelle. She’s claiming that Terrence physically abused her during a recent trip that she accompanied her and his family on to Costa Rica. However, more recent reports are showing that there is a bit more to the story.
According to TMZ, Terrence is claiming that he and Michelle were having a “normal married fight,” which got out of control when Michelle threatened to kill his family and then turned around an pepper-sprayed his kids and son-in-law. Terrence insists that he never put his hands on Michelle and that he simply asked her to stop.
We hear that a court hearing is scheduled for today, during which, Terrence will show a judge text messages that were supposedly sent from Michelle. In the messages, Michelle reportedly threatens the 44-year-old actor by saying things like, ”I would start hiding if I were u,” ”Be careful when u leave your place. U should move,” and ”I know where u and ur family live. Watch yourself.” She also allegedly sent a message that read:
“You need to be put down once and for all. I will not stop until all knows who u are.”
In a police report filed regarding the incident, Terrence also reportedly revealed that Michelle, who has been diagnosed with paranoia, tried to commit suicide two months ago.
“I’m just insane. I went to a crazy institute,” she allegedly told Terrence in another message.
Michelle is scheduled to appear in court this morning.
Follow Jazmine on Twitter @jazminedenise.
Remember a few months back when we first reported that the divorce dispute between Terrence Howard and his ex-wife Michelle Ghent had finally come to an end, and we all let out a sigh of relief because we thought it meant their tumultuous relationship was officially over? Well, it looks like we were wrong.
According to TMZ, Terrence and Michelle have been hooking up since their divorce was finalized back in May. You can probably guess that round two of their steamy love affair didn’t end well. Inside sources are saying that Michelle recently accompanied Terrence and his family on a trip to Costa Rica when an argument broke out and Terrence allegedly hit Michelle. Of course, you know there are always three sides to a story: his side, her side and the truth. The way Terrence’s camp is reportedly telling the story, Michelle maced him, his daughter and another unnamed family member.
While some sources claim Terrence’s mace story is simply a ploy to draw attention away from his alleged assault on Michelle, other sources are saying that Michelle is lying about Terrence inflicting physical abuse on her. I suppose the truth lies somewhere in between, but unless video footage magically surfaces, there’s no real to way to tell what really went down. This isn’t the first time Michelle has accused Terence of beating her and recent reports suggest that she is currently in the process of filing a restraining order against the Dead Man Down actor.
Moral of the story: Keep your hands to yourself and your exes where they belong, in the past.
Follow Jazmine on Twitter @jazminedenise.
If you haven’t figured it out by now, Evelyn Lozada working past her demons and trying to find peace in the aftermath of her highly publicized divorce from Chad Ochocinco is going to be a major part of the Basketball Wives storyline this season. Last week VH1 dropped a very brief video teaser, which showed BBW newcomer Tasha Marbury and “the circle’s” resident scapegoat, Suzie Ketcham, making fun of Evelyn’s explosive domestic violence incident with Chad. Since then, a more extended clip was released. In the new clip, Evelyn cries to her mother about the emotional roller coaster she’s been on since the deterioration of her short marriage.
“It’s like we both lost both of our husbands and it sucks,” a tearful Evelyn said, referring to her brother-in-law, who died shortly after she and Chad split.
“It’s like the timing is crazy. It’s like two of my best friends just gone. Which feels f***ed up. You know? Why is this happening to my life? That’s my brother and then he dies right after the incident with me and Chad. Words can’t even explain how dark I felt. Like, this can’t be my life,” she continued.
She went on to address how many blamed her for the incident.
“It’s crazy how some people can be like,‘Oh, it’s her fault.’ I think I had every reason to be pissed off that my husband of three weeks is buying condoms. I think I have every right, but he knows I was good to him.”
Check out the sneak peek on page two. Thoughts?
BBW Season 5 Teaser: Evelyn Mocked By Cast For Domestic Violence Incident, Suzie Is In The Dog House (Again)
Although I can’t really say that I’m excited about the forthcoming season of Basketball Wives, I’d be lying to say that I’m not a little curious to see what the dynamics of the show will be like with major cast members like Jennifer Williams and Royce Reed gone. And of course, Tami, Ev and Shaunie’s attempts to give the show a facelift and win back their dying audience by taking a more positive approach.
VH1 recently dropped a quick 21-second teaser for season 5 of the show, and interesting is the only word I can use to describe the clip. For one, it looks like there may have been a shift in the cast member hierarchy. In the past, Tami, Evelyn and Shaunie always appeared to be pulling the reigns, but judging by the clip, new cast member Tasha Marbury might be the show’s new mean girl. In one scene, Tasha and Suzie are in a car, discussing a woman who seems to be Evelyn.
“She doesn’t even need a man,” Suzie said offering a slight grin.
“Maybe she can wear a helmet on a date,” Tasha adds, apparently referencing Evelyn’s head butt injury during her altercation with Chad.
The scene ends with both ladies erupting into a fit of sly, evil laughter. Then, the clip quickly cuts to a scene depicting Evelyn at restaurant table with Suzie, who looked scared straight, as usual.
“You thought that was funny?” Evelyn asked, but a speechless Suzie, who simply offered a puzzled facial expression, didn’t mumble a word.
Now either VH1 has gotten really crafty with their editing, or the tables have turned and Evelyn is about to get a taste of her own mean girl medicine, which may not necessarily be a good thing, considering what she’s been through in the past year. The “joke” was definitely distasteful and totally inappropriate, but in the past, Ev has done her share of laughing at the misery of others and you know what they say, you reap what you sow.
Turn the page to check out the clip. Let us know what you think.