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There are so many articles and books out there about what you should do when you are the victim of domestic violence in a relationship. Some popular TV shows even do corny episodes addressing the very real problem. They all tell you who you should call in your situation, how you know you are even in a “situation” in the first place, and on and on. But they don’t give you any clear cut ideas about what you should do when you witness domestic violence, especially when it happens to a complete stranger. You would throw down for family of course, but for a stranger? The ABC show “What Would You Do?” has touched on the topic, but seriously, what’s a good way to go about helping? Call the police? Jump in? Join in the yelling? It’s hard to say what you would do until you’re in that situation.

I encountered the aftermath of an abusive episode between a couple just this past weekend and I’m still not sure if I handled it in the best manner–I doubt it. So I thought I’d pose the question to you all for clarity: what should you do when you are a witness to domestic violence? Maybe your answers can be of benefit to others and also aid you in the future if you come across a woman (or man, real talk) who needs you to step in.

Dear Felicia,

Since 2008, I have been a domestic violence survivor! Thank you Jesus!  I’d like to write a book that caters to young women about abuse. Every time I start to write, I draw a blank because I think about the horrible things I’ve gone through. Also, I’m scared that I’ll put my heart and soul into it, all for it to go nowhere. What kind of networking should I do? Who should I reach out to?  Do you think a book is a good idea?

Also, I’d like to start an event planning business–something that I can do from home. The only problem is I’m not sure about the events that I’d like to handle. I work for a television station as a budget director, so I know people who know people, but I’m not sure where to begin.

Please help!

Best,

Nicole

Dear Nicole,

You survived domestic violence and I am so glad you got out of the situation for good. Clearly you have a great career going for yourself and are thinking about new ideas.

Regardless of which idea you decide to pursue—a book or event planning—approach both of them as a business. Many times we start a business based on a personal experience or emotional spark. It is great to start from a place of inspiration. The excitement of those emotions can give you unwavering energy and courage in the early days; however, to grow and sustain a business, it needs to be just that—a business [that is] complete with a marketing and sales strategy, customer service, financial management, clear roles and responsibilities, consistent execution and a plan for growth.

So, let’s consider this a little further.

There are many questions to answer before launching a business. For instance, we need to know whether there are paying customers for what we plan to sell. We need to be clear about how our business will solve a problem or fulfill a desire.  We also need to be clear about how we can be different than competitors, either literally or through branding.

Regarding your book, you could build a business around it because, unfortunately, domestic violence is on the rise and can have a deep and detrimental impact on the lives of the victim, perpetrator and their families and friends; so, it’s something people are interested in avoiding or solving. There is also a lot of shame associated with domestic violence. So, rather than making your book purely autobiographical, maybe you could use your story to teach people how to steer clear of domestic violence in the first place and how to get out of the situation if they’re already in it. That’s the book.

Now about the business: how would you make money? There are only three segments of customers: consumers, businesses or the government.  You could sell your book to all three categories.  To do so, you’d have to position yourself as an expert and have a solid marketing and sales strategy. Plus, you have to think about how your business will earn recurring revenue. The book sale happens one time.  Perhaps you could create a program and get contracts with companies to teach new hires about how to avoid domestic violence or get out of the situation, and how to support a co-worker who may be enduring domestic violence. You could also contract with universities to teach every incoming class how to deal with this issue since the greatest increases in domestic violence are among high school and college-aged youth.

As for the event planning, consider all the same questions and really think about how you can differentiate your business.  There are so many event planners that the best way to be successful is to become a planner in a niche—perhaps for one industry or for one type of event. For example, you work at a television station. Maybe you could become an event planner who works with producers for live media events.

These are just a few ideas to help you think through which business you want to pursue. As far as struggling to write the book, try to write everyday and do so without going back to read or edit what you’ve already written. When your emotions well up, write down what you are thinking.  Pouring your feelings out on paper will probably help free you from any lingering effects, and the authenticity of your story, paired with how-to insight on getting out of a domestic violence situation, could help a lot of people in the end if you decide to release a book.  Find a top notch editor who can whip your story and insights into shape after you’re finished.

I wish you so much grace, peace and favor as you continue on your life’s journey.  Write to me at ask@feliciajoy.biz and let me know how it’s going.

Note: All advice offered in this column is for general information only.  Felicia Joy and The Atlanta Post are indemnified against any and all related claims.  Always seek the advice of licensed professionals before making business decisions.

Felicia Joy is a nationally recognized entrepreneur who created $50 million in value for the various organizations and companies she served in corporate America before launching her business enterprise.  She is often called on to discuss the ins and outs of entrepreneurial success and has appeared on CNN, FOX and in other national press.  Felicia operates Ms. CEO Inc., a training and development company that helps women entrepreneurs achieve more success, faster — as well as Joy Group International, LLC, a business development and consulting firm. Send her your questions at ask@feliciajoy.biz or www.twitter.com/feliciajoy.

As much as we expect our celebrities to be role models, they consistently let us down.

Adultery scandals, alleged pedophilia, tax evasion charges, phoned-in third albums…these things serve to tarnish our perception of artists and often keep money we’d spend on them in our pockets. In most instances, I don’t think this should be the case: most of us have a demon or three we’re not proud of, and celebrity status really shouldn’t serve as an excuse to chain folks to a different moral standard unless you’re a politician.

That said, everyone has something, and I imagine if I were a woman living in this society, I wouldn’t support the wanton misogyny coming from the most popular rappers in the game. Damn near every top 40 rapper has bars rife with negativity and violence toward women, and some of our most lauded arts have allegedly taken that off the wax: Notorious B.I.G., Tupac and Big Pun, among others, have all been accused of putting hands where they don’t belong.

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You already know the answer to this one, right? Most of us do; yet, that doesn’t negate the fact that hundreds of  thousands of women remain in relationships where a man is physically abusing them. They’ll make all kind of excuses. “It was just once.” “He just choked me a little bit.” The list goes on. No matter how crafty or clever the reason, there’s no excuse for a man physically assaulting a woman.

We posed this no-brainer to some New Yorkers and we got a couple of …interesting answers. Watch the video above to see what they had to say.

*If you’re at work right now, this video may be just a tad inappropriate. Turn the volume down or have your headphones on deck.*

I can’t name Joe Budden’s last three songs, but I can name at least three women he’s been linked to. It isn’t that his music isn’t at all popular; I’m simply not a fan of it. Details of his personal life, however, are not so easily avoidable. The Slaughterhouse rapper has built up quite a reputation for cavorting with beautiful video/men’s mag models and then sharing the messy details with the world. Among them:  model Tahiry, Love and Hip Hop star Somaya Reece and, most recently, video vixen Esther Baxter.

For the last two days, Twitter was abuzz with deets over the release of Budden’s latest song “Ordinary Love Shyte, Part 3: Closure”, which details his account of the relationship with Baxter.  In a series tweets leading up to its debut, the rapper references the loss of “four children” seemingly with the model. It’s unclear as to whether these were abortions or miscarriages, but there is an air of accusation against Baxter that the ceased pregnancies were her fault; he also charges Baxter with cheating on him with  He then tweets: “If you know her and care about her well being, tell that Beyotch to chill…”

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Yesterday, I was forced to repeatedly listen to Beyoncé’s new single, “Run the World (Girls),” thanks to a precocious teenager who insisted on playing the song ad-nasuem. Don’t get me wrong—I’m not hatin’ on Beyoncé. The song has catchy lyrics and a sick beat. But after hearing it for the eighth time, I was pretty much ready to bang my head against the wall to the rhythm of the song. Yet at some point during the ninth replay of the song, I began to wonder if there was some legitimacy to Beyoncé’s girl-power anthem: do girls, also known as women, really run the world?

There is a really compelling argument to make that women may have finally achieved a power advantage in society. In an article written last year for The Atlantic, writer Hanna Rosin discussed the global economy’s shift to favoring “female” characteristics while male-dominated industries, such as manufacturing, construction and finance, are declining.

The U.S. Department of Labor seems to support Rosin’s argument. Statistics show that women comprised 46.8 percent of the total U.S. labor force in 2009, and are projected to account for 46.9 percent of the labor force in 2018. Women have also made great strides in management, professional and related occupations with 40 percent being employed. Also, for the first time in history, more women have college degree than our male counterparts.

Yes, Virginia Slims; we have come a long way, baby.

While there is no doubt that woman have made some gains in society, there is still a fair amount of inequality that women face in the workplace and in society at large. The biggest obstacle is the earnings gap between men and women. Women are likely to earn only 77.5-80 cents for every dollar that men earn for the same work—and that number decreases if you are a woman of color. Although economists who predicted that the income gap would decrease, it has actually stayed that same with no movement. In fact, 59 percent of working women are making less than $8 an hour.

Despite Beyoncé’s assertion that “we give birth to children then get back to business,” as a result of the economic recession, single women with children became the poorest group in this country. In 2009, of those households that lived in poverty, 29.9 percent were headed by single women, compared to 16.9 percent of single men and 5.8 percent of married couples. Unfortunately, very little is being done to assist households led by single mothers to retain their places in the workforce. Despite the financial hardships that come with the new arrival of a child, many employers still do not provide women with any benefits if they need to leave work temporarily.

Globally, women account for two-thirds of the world’s 774 million illiterate adults. In some parts of the world, women and girls bear the brunt of poverty. Their lack of control over resources, including land and other types of property, has limited their economic autonomy, which has made them the most vulnerable group to economic or environmental issues.

Back in the U.S., a woman is assaulted or beaten every nine seconds. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than care accidents, muggings and rapes combined – and every day, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.  Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime. Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family.

Despite the fun posturing in the “Run The World” song, the reality is still much closer to the words of James Brown, in that it’s still a “man’s world.” By the way, out of all the world leaders currently in power, only 20 of them are women. Though it has been a record-breaking year for women in power, it’s still not enough to actually rule the world.

Charing Ball is the author of the blog People, Places & Things.

What kind of neighbor are you? If you heard a couple next door to you fighting and you weren’t sure whether or not it was physical would you call the police? If you knew for sure it was physical, would you call the police? Some people think it’s not their place to jump in grown folks’ business no matter what. We asked some New Yorkers their thoughts. Check out the video!

A few days ago, acclaimed journalist and ghostwriter of Jay-Z’s Decoded, Dream Hampton’s “The Trouble with Chris Brown” mysteriously disappeared from BET.com. The piece was posted shortly after his Good Morning America behind-the-scenes performance; and, after a little work presumably on the part of his “enablers” (as Hampton so adequately referred to his manager, publicist, etc.), the commentary was removed.

Addressing real issues isn’t always profitable; but, more disheartening than BET’s permissiveness is the slew of young women and girls that make up Team Breezy, female bloggers and Twitter followers who have unwaveringly stood by Chris Brown amidst domestic violence charges and uncontrolled, violent outbursts. They are the 1.9 million @chrisbrown followers who drove his new album F.A.M.E. to number one and, instead of holding him accountable, relentlessly displace responsibility for his actions onto others.

Chris Brown’s unhealthy man-child syndrome is that of a sickness and the symptoms are a lack of self-control, anger and violence. At this point, he is just as likely to do what he did to Rihanna to the next woman. He is just as apt to throw another chair through a window. Then, go out and party later that night before asking for forgiveness in the morning (as revealed on the Wendy Williams Show).

What type of young women have we become that this sort of man is attractive, that this is what we defend?

We deserve more.

Women have to stop accepting (and defending) less and start expecting more from our young men. Hold them to higher standards for your affection and they will rise to the occasion. It is not O.K. to be belligerent and disrespectful; it is not O.K. to hurt other people; and, I’m sorry doesn’t make everything go away.

Chris Brown fans are quite possibly the most influential “enablers” of all and at their own dismay. For, their love for Brown is simply a testament to young men and boys across the country that this is what women want; and they can expect to see the same behavior manifest itself into future dysfunctional, abusive relationships.

Want to know more about LaShaun Williams? Check out her blog Politically Unapologetic, where she shares thoughts on race, culture and love. Follow her on Twitter @itsmelashaun.

Dear China,

My homegirl and B.F.F. has given so much to her current boyfriend, who is such a knuckle-head, that it pains me. She isn’t typically a violent person, but sometimes, her boyfriend does things that make no sense to anyone but himself. She has hit him on the face for lying, and lunged at him for cheating (even though he denies cheating). They don’t get into it all the time, but she won’t let him get away with his ridiculous behavior. He seems to be improving because he does not want to lose her. Is she at least sometimes justified in smacking him?

Sincerely,
Hit Me With It

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Given Chris Brown’s recent antics, do you feel like he needs a jail cell or a hug from a father figure? Writer Oretha Winston from Elev8 thinks the latter.

After a heated debate  with co-workers I have a question. Do we recognize and realize that this  young man is still a child? We all have done things in our life as young people we are not proud of. We have all made that one indiscretion that could possibly color the remainder of our lives if we were not provided some guidance. In our current society where entertainment is headline news each day we have definitely surpassed a point where bad decisions will be broadcast in under thirty minutes.

Read the rest of her opinion piece here.

Do you think Chris Brown deserves some slack given his age and background?