All Articles Tagged "domestic violence"
I like to think I’m a bit of an expert when it comes to my grandmother. Now, I know I couldn’t possibly know everything about her storied past; but I know when it comes to family who knows the most about my now deceased grandmother, I’m at least top 10. But yesterday, my mother shocked me with a bit of new information.
In general, most of the women in my family regard men who’ve yet to prove themselves as a threat. Trouble. People you have to keep both eyes on. They can never catch you slippin.’ Judging by some of the scandalous stories I’ve heard over the years, I can understand why. But just when I think the women in my family are taking things a bit too far, they tell me another outlandish story that lets me know maybe they aren’t so paranoid after all.
Yesterday, after work I decided to do a little shopping. As I was walking around picking up a few things, I was also catching up with my mother. I was telling her how one of my friends; who my mom also knows very well is thinking of breaking up with her current boyfriend. Not because he’s done anything wrong she just feels like their time together has come to an end. I was expecting my mom to immediately and feverently support the maturity and independence of that decision. Instead, she said “umph.” Now, I don’t know about your family dynamic or where you come from. But when it comes to my mother, umph can run the gamut from strongly agree to a polite way of saying “what the hell?!?” In this instance, that umph meant she was about to issue a warning.
“Well, tell her to be careful with that.”
I was too confused. Be careful. If she’s no longer fulfilled by the relationship why should she be careful in expressing that sentiment.
“Because girl, these men out here are crazy.”
Well, yeah. We’ve known that. But is staying with someone just because homeboy might be crazy really a good enough reason to stay in that relationship? My mother made it clear that she wasn’t suggesting that my friend stay with her boyfriend; but that she ease out of the situation.
“You know your grandmother had a crazy boyfriend.”
Huh? I’d only known my grandmother to have two serious boyfriends. The man before my grandfather, the one she really loved, and my grandfather. I’d never heard about this crazy one before.
I asked my mom what he did.
“He threw acid on all of her clothes. He broke into her room and threw acid on her clothes. And he thought she was in there, he was trying to throw acid on her too.”
Well dang! Not only had I never heard that story before it immediately made me think about my friend’s safety and whether the guy she’d been dating had the potential to flip out like my grandmother’s boyfriend did back in the day.
Are these violent break ups common? Have you ever experienced one? Any of you have tips on how to break up with someone, whether they’ve proven to be violent or not, safely?
Earlier this week, we told you that former Flavor of Love contestant Chandra “Deelishis” Davis aka London Charles was denying allegations that she injured herself while fleeing an attack from her estranged husband. The 35-year-old Detroit native recently made an attempt to clear the air and do away with the circulating rumors in an interview with Hot 107.5′s Big Greg.
The DJ asked her the question that many are pondering the answer to, which is whether or not domestic violence had anything to do with the incident that recently occurred involving her husband. She responded, “No.” She also denied ever being abused.
“It’s crazy to be ridiculed for something that happened to me. I’m not a domestic violence victim, but I’ve been victimized in this circumstance. For me to be the person that has to bear the weight of all of it, I’m a survivor. I’m going to be okay.”
Davis also made it a point to address the overwhelming amount of people who taunted her on social media regarding the incident.
“Someone sent me a tweet that said, ‘Deelishis now you know how Rihanna feels.’ That’s not funny. It’s not funny and it’s sort of embarrassing. Everybody has their own domestic situations, whether it’s just an aggressive argument or it gets physical. I mean everybody has that. It’s unfortunate that when you’re a celebrity, your stuff has to be aired everywhere.”
“What if this really happened? What if I fail-jumped from a building or a second-floor window? Is that funny? Is that something that you joke about? Is that something that you make your topic of conversation to the point where I’m ridiculed for it?”
Davis also discussed why the allegations bothered her so much.
“You don’t want to be known as the person who is beaten or has been subjected to domestic violence even though its not true, I don’t want to be associated with anything like that.”
We have to agree, domestic violence is no laughing matter.
Click to the next page for footage of Chandra’s interview. What do you think of her response?
SMH: Woman Tragically Murdered After Repeatedly Alerting Police That Her Ex-Husband Was Trying To Kill Her
On August 17th of 2012, 32-year-old Deanna Cook was murdered while on the phone with a 911 dispatcher, reports the NY Daily News. It took the operator 9 minutes to map Cook’s location and when they eventually arrived on the scene, they knocked on the door and called Cook’s phone. When Cook didn’t answer, responders left the scene. The victim’s teenage daughter found her body in a bathtub two days later.
Cook’s ex-husband, Delvecchio Patrik who had been arrested multiple times in the past for assaulting her, was arrested and charged with Cook’s murder. While the Dallas Police Department refused to release Cook’s final 911 call, earlier this week the tapes were somehow leaked to the media and what they revealed left many questioning why law enforcement hadn’t done more to help the woman who was in obviously in fear for her life, reports KENS 5 News. During the 9-minute call, the victim never actually speaks to the operator. She can just be heard fighting off her attacker, who is believed to be Patrick and pleading for her life.
“I’m not doing nothing to you,” Cook can be heard telling her attacker. “Please Red! I didn’t do nothing! I’m nice. I’m nice! Please!,” she pleads.
The assailant then tells Cook to “kneel down” because he is going to kill her.
“Wait please!” Deanna says in her final plea.
“I’m going to kill you,” responds the assailant before the call goes silent.
The chilling call was never listed as priority by the operator, so it took police 51 minutes to arrive to the scene of the crime. A lack of urgency on behalf of the 911 dispatcher led to disciplinary action and an investigation into Dallas Police procedures. The dispatcher eventually resigned.
To makes matters worse, Cook notified the police on several occasions that her ex-husband was trying to kill her during the months leading up to her death.
“My name is Deanna Cook and I have a stalker. He’s already tried to kill me three times. I’m really just fed up with this. I can’t keep moving and changing my life because of this,” Cook can be heard telling a 911 dispatcher on a previous call.
“I don’t even want him to know that I called, you know what I’m saying? That’s the thing. That triggers him when he knows that I called. He tears the stuff up in my house,” she continued.
On one occasion, she even notified the authorities that he was watching her house.
“I have been going through this for like 5 years with him. It’s still the same thing. I have complaints. If you can look up my name, you’ll see there are a hundred thousand complaints, but ain’t nobody doing nothing,” she can be heard frustratedly informing a 911 operator who suggested that she file for a restraining order against Patrik.
“All I can do is try to help you ma’am. It’s all up to you. You are going to have to. It will be up to you to actually try to do the things that we suggest to you. But if you don’t do that, you know that police hands are tied,” the dispatcher tells Cook.
According to the Huffington Post, a variety of changes have been applied to emergency procedures conducted by 911 operators in Dallas, Texas since Deanna’s death. It’s unfortunate that she had to die before the changes were made.
Footage of KENS 5 News’ report can be found on the next page.
Yesterday, we told you that many speculated that the circumstances surrounding a recent injury suffered by former “Flavor of Love” star, Deelishis aka Chandra “London Charles” Davis had something to do with the model being assaulted by her estranged husband, Orlando Gordon. The speculations didn’t exactly sit well with Davis for two reasons. One, she insisted that she never jumped out of a window to escape being assaulted by her estranged husband. Two, she expressed that she doesn’t owe the public any explanations for what goes on in her personal life. The 35-year-old Detroit native recently utilized a few of her social networking pages to deny the rumor and blast those who are spreading it, beginning with her Twitter page.
She shared a few words about the drama with her followers on Instagram as well.
“I DONT ‘OWE’ ANYBODY SH**, ESPECIALLY NOT ANY EXPLANATIONS BUT THIS RADIO STATION OUT OF TOWN JUST BURNED MY BISCUITS IF I HAD BALLS THEY’D BE SQUEEZED TO THE MAX PISSED! STOP JUST REPORTING ANYTHING YOU HEAR! I HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT YOU FU**ER, IT HAPPENS IM GOOD, IM NOT SUPERWOMAN LEAPING FROM TALL BUILDINGS AND FOR THE LIFE OF ME I AM NOTTTTTTTTTTTTT SCREWING DATING FU****G LICKING TRICKING ANYTHING CLOSE TO THAT WITH @therealmichaelblackson(SCREAMING TO THE OF MY LUNGES [Lungs]) CAN A B**** LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE (NOW MY HEAD JUST SPENT AROUND LIKE THE EXORCIST …….OK IM BACK…AND NOW I ONLY WANT WORLD PEACE MY LOVES ,” she posted.
If you’re unsure as to why she’s denying romantic involvement with Michael Blackson, the reason is that Blackson was also in Davis’s home sleeping in another room when the alleged dispute first began.
Davis filed for divorce against Orlando Gordon last year following his indictment on federal drug trafficking charges. He was out on bond at the time of the alleged assault, reports The Jasmine Brand. We can certainly understand her frustration with false information being spread around, but according to Detroit News, police reports actually confirm that there was a violent domestic dispute that occurred in Chandra’s home involving Gordon and that she jumped out of the window to escape Gordon’s attack. Whatever the case, we hope she gets well soon.
What are your thoughts on Chandra’s reaction to the media?
On Thursday the House approved the renewal of the Violence Against Women Act, reports the New York Times. The VAWA, which was drafted by Vice President Joe Biden during his time in the Senate, draws from federal funding to implement programming and create shelters for domestic violence and sexual abuse victims. The act also provides assistance to local law enforcement to aid victims.
An alternative to the act, which was unveiled last Friday recieved much criticism dished out by Democrats and women’s rights groups alike, as it failed to include gay, bisexual and transgender victims. It also dropped certain protections that were previously afforded to American Indian women residing on reservations.
Representative Gwen Moore, a Wisconsin Democrat and domestic violence victim expressed the need for this bill to protect all victims.
“I pray that this body will do as the Senate has done and come together as one to protect all women from violence. As I think about the L.G.B.T. victims who are not here, the native women who are not here, the immigrants who aren’t in this bill, I would say, as Sojourner Truth would say, ‘Ain’t they women?’” said Moore.
The newly approved act protects all of the aforementioned groups.
President Obama expressed that he anticipates signing off on the bill as soon as it reaches his desk.
“Over more than two decades, this law has saved countless lives and transformed the way we treat victims of abuse. Today’s vote will go even further by continuing to reduce domestic violence, improving how we treat victims of rape, and extending protections to Native American women and members of the L.G.B.T. community. Renewing this bill is an important step towards making sure no one in America is forced to live in fear, and I look forward to signing it into law as soon as it hits my desk,” said the POTUS.
Jazmine Denise is a news writer for Madame Noire. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise.
We all have our dealbreakers. I won’t deal with a man who doesn’t have a college degree. I can’t work with a man who still lives with his mom. I really don’t want to date a man who has kids. Some are outlandish, some are personal preferences; but as Brande Victorian mentioned earlier in the week, there are two standards that are almost universal… at least in theory.
1. We won’t put up with a man who cheats on us.
2. We won’t put up with a man who hits us.
I wrote those in no particular order. Both are pretty terrible. And while we’ve heard women say that they won’t put up with cheating or abuse; when those things happen, exceptions are made. Sure, the relationship will never be quite the same but people work things out all the time. When it comes to love there really are no hard-fast rules on how to behave in any given situation. And if there were, we wouldn’t follow them.
If you ask me, I could see myself forgiving infidelity much easier than I could see myself going back to a man who’d put his hands on me.
Both are a betrayal , represent a lack of self control and hurt the other person, either emotionally or physically.
But there is something about a man, your partner, hitting you, especially in the context of marriage, that is so…unforgivable. I can understand that the dynamics in a relationship can and will change. People aren’t being fulfilled sexually or emotionally and they look to other people to meet those needs. But I just can’t understand why you’d feel the need to hit me in the heat of an argument or because I didn’t do something to your liking. That’s about power, you exerting power over me in a way you know you’ll “win.” That’s a type of sickness I couldn’t live with, eat with and sleep with every night. Who wants to live their life in perpetual fear of being beaten or abused by someone who’s supposed to be on your team?
I do believe that men who hit women and men who quickly resort of violence in general, seriously have some type of psychological issue. Those issues can be cured with therapy and what not; but how long does that take? How will I ever know that you’re truly reformed? If you hit me once, how do I know that the next time we’re having an argument, that you wouldn’t punch me in the face to shut me up? That’s a terrifying existence, yet there are millions of women, all over the world, who live this way.
What do you think? In terms of a relationship, which is a greater offense, infidelity or abuse?
‘He Doesn’t Have The Luxury Of F’ing Up Again’: Rihanna Discusses Chris Brown Relationship With ‘Rolling Stone’
Rihanna speaking directly about her relationship with Chris Brown has been somewhat of a rare occurrence since she appeared on “Oprah’s Next Chapter” and confessed that she was still in love with him and believed that he was the love of her life. Since then, we’ve mostly had the privilege of gawking upon candid photos, dissecting ambiguous tweets and drawing our own conclusions. Rih Rih, who is the cover girl for the most recent issue of Rolling Stone, is said to have “opened up like never before” to the legendary publication regarding her relationship with Chris Brown and the toll it has taken on her image.
“I decided it was more important for me to be happy,” the Bajan beauty expressed to Rolling Stone contributing editor Josh Eells.
She went on to reveal that masking her true feelings about Brown made her angry and tormented her for years.
“I wasn’t going to let anybody’s opinion get in the way of that. Even if it’s a mistake, it’s my mistake. After being tormented for so many years, being angry and dark, I’d rather just live my truth and take the backlash. I can handle it.”
The “Unapologetic” singer also implied that people could never know the true extent and beauty of the love she shares with Chris from simply gazing in from the outside.
“When you add up the pieces from the outside, it’s not the cutest puzzle in the world. You see us walking somewhere, driving somewhere, in the studio, in the club, and you think you know. But it’s different now. We don’t have those types of arguments anymore. We talk about sh**. We value each other. We know exactly what we have now, and we don’t want to lose that.”
Not to worry though, she made it very clear that she will not tolerate abuse and if Chris even displays a hint of violent behavior towards her, she’s hitting the road.
“He doesn’t have the luxury of f***ing up again. That’s just not an option. I can’t say that nothing else will ever go wrong. But I’m pretty solid in the knowing that he’s disgusted by that. And I wouldn’t have gone this far if I ever thought that was a possibility,” she boldly stated.
“He made a mistake, and he’s paid his dues. He’s paid so much. And I know that’s not a place he would ever want to go back to. And sometimes people need support and encouragement, instead of ridicule and criticism and bashing.”
Despite the wide disapproval of Chris and Rihanna’s reconciliation, she does appear to have really thought this thing through before jumping into it. Perhaps we all need to take a step back and allow these two to lead their own lives and make their own mistakes.
On another note, doesn’t Rih Rih look absolutely stunning on that cover? You can check out the full interview when the new issue hits the stands on January 31st.
What do you think of her explanation?
Photo courtesy of Rolling Stone
Jazmine Denise is a news writer for Madame Noire. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise
I Get Why People Would Believe That: Evelyn Lozada Talks Being Blamed For Provoking The Chad Ochocino Assault
When news of Chad and Evelyn’s physical altercation first leaked back in August, people wasted no time accusing the “Basketball Wives” star of initiating the fight. People even went as far as to say that she got what she deserved. After watching her erratic behavior on the last season of “Basketball Wives”, it was difficult for many to view her as a victim when they tuned in week after week only to see her victimize her fellow cast members. In an interview with Vibe, Evelyn shared that she understands why people blamed her for the incident and accepts full responsibility for her actions last season.
“I felt that I was getting blamed for the incident happening and it was hard…but at the same time I take full responsibility for putting this perception of me out there that I just argue and fight. That’s what most people connect me with, especially with last season. So it’s like ‘Oh, okay well maybe she did something to deserve what happened.’ And I’m like ‘I didn’t do anything’. “
She also expressed how grateful she was that Chad spoke out and cleared up any misconceptions that she may have initiated the fight.
“He did an interview… he was honest and real. I finally felt relieved that he said I didn’t have anything to do with what happened that day. He takes full responsibility…”
I believe that the ability to view a situation from multiple viewpoints exhibits growth. Since the incident and of course her life-changing encounter with Iyanla Vanzant, Ev appears to be continuing down a path of positivity. Hopefully she keeps this in mind while the cameras are rolling and that temper of hers wants to flare up.
Check out footage of her interview on the next page. What did you think when people began blaming Evelyn for Chad assaulting her?
Another Day, Another Crazy Athlete: Former Baseball Star Milton Bradley Facing Spousal Abuse Charges
Most professional sports leagues do psychiatric testing on their players at some point but maybe they’re missing something because some of these fools are insane.
Former baseball star Milton Bradley is facing 13 charges related to spousal abuse, according to TMZ. If you’re a baseball fan, you know Badley’s name and know he’s had lots of trouble on and off the field most of his career. He and his wife Monique married in 2005 but Bradley filed for divorced 11 months later after the police had been to their house three times during those 11 months on domestic related calls. He was never arrested and the divorce was never finalized.
Two years ago, he was arrested for making criminal threats to Monique but in exchange for an out-of-court hearing, the charges were dropped. However, seven months later, he was arrested for allegedly attacking his wife with a bat and yet again in March 2012 for threatening her with a knife and adding, “You’ll be dead before you divorce me, Itchbay.”
These 13 counts of domestic charges stem from all the aforementioned accounts and another in November where Monique claimed Milton choked her with two hands after she asked him to stop smoking weed in front of their two children.
The charges are as follows: 4 counts of spousal battery, 4 counts of criminal threats, 2 counts of assault with a deadly weapon, 2 counts of vandalism and 1 count of dissuading a witness from making a report. If convicted, he faces up to 13 years in prison.
He’ll be arraigned on January 24th and is denying the charges.
I’m sure many of you are wondering why his wife didn’t just leave but based on the descriptions of his attacks, she likely feared for her life and the lives of her children. Hopefully, she can finally get out and she and her children get the help they need.
Parents Of Both Jovan Belcher And Kasandra Perkins Stuck In Custody Battle Over The Late Couple’s Daughter
At four months old, the familial life of baby Zoey seems to be in turmoil. Her father, Jovan Belcher, shot and killed her mother after a very ugly argument in December, but now her grandparents are at odds over who should take custody of her. After the tragedy occurred that took the lives of both of her parents, according to the Daily Mail, authorities handed little Zoe over to Belcher’s mother, Cheryl Shepherd, who was actually present at the time when Belcher shot and killed Kasandra Perkins. But when Shepherd let Perkins’ family take the little girl to Texas so that she could attend her mother’s funeral, they decided NOT to bring her back. They’ve also stopped communicating with Shepherd, and it’s been drama ever since.
Shepherd is now seeking full custody of Zoe, and with that responsibility, she would also get to be conservator of the child’s estate, while Zoe’s maternal grandparents and other family members are also filing suit, asking to care for the girl, that her residence be in Texas, and that a guardian ad litem would be appointed by the courts to handle her benefits. As we told you before, as part of the NFL’s collective bargaining agreement, under the new Surviving Child benefit, Zoe will be able to collect $108,000 each year from now until she is 5, and after that she will receive $48,000, and then $52,000 until she is 18 or 23 years old, depending on whether or not she goes to college. But we’re going to just assume the intentions of both of these families are good, that they just want to have this child around because they love her, and that the battle between them has nothing to do with the money she will receive at all.
The couple had many issues while together, and reports say that Belcher was seeing another woman, Brittni Glass, who claimed that Belcher made threats of violence about Perkins before the murder-suicide. But according to the New York Post, it is alleged that the argument that took place between Belcher and Perkins on that fateful night had less to do with Glass, and had a lot to do with whether or not Zoe was his daughter at all, which was confirmed as an issue between the two by a Kansas city police officer. Because of all this, some have asked why Shepherd would try and seek custody of a child that might not be her son’s. But I’m sure all the confusion with that will be cleared up soon enough, because according to the Daily Mail, hearings are scheduled to take place on the subject of who Zoe will go with, as well as specifics regarding her Surviving Child Benefits, starting later this month.
I know this is a very terrible and touchy time for both families. I’m sure Shepherd has a bond with the child after helping take care of her while her son and Perkins were alive and after their deaths, and at the same time, after losing Kasandra, I’m sure her family, who lives all the way in Texas would like to hold on to a little piece of their daughter through their grandbaby. I’m sure they both have good reasons to take full custody of Zoey, but for the child’s sake, it would be nice if they could just share custody in a civil manner. How that would be done with everyone living far away from one another, I’m not sure, but it would be nice. However, it’s up to a judge to figure out what’s not “nice,” but what’s best for this little girl.