All Articles Tagged "domestic violence"
Study: 60% of Black Girls Have Been Sexually Abused
By the age of 18, 60% of black women have been sexually abused by a black man, according to an exclusive News One report on a study conducted by Black Women’s Blueprint. The finding is based on data collected from more than 300 black women nationwide.
In the article, Farah Tanis, Co-Founder of the New York-based organization and co-author of the study, points out that just seven years ago, a similar study conducted by The Black Women’s Health Imperative found the rate to be 40%. “That means there is an increase and we need to stop neglecting that issue,” she said.
One way her organization is hoping to address the problem head on is by advocating for language that specifically allocates funds to communities of color to be added to legislation introduced this week that would reinstate the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA). Although VAWA does include language that allots “grants for outreach and services to under-served populations, no racial language is written into the act because Federal law prohibits legislation that earmarks government funding based on race. In 2005, Rep. John Conyers (D-Mich.) unsuccessfully fought for race-specific language to be kept in a final draft of the act when it was being reauthorized.
Traditionally, smaller domestic violence organizations have had greater success helping women of color, says Rita Smith, Executive Director of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
“Reports from these local communities to their national representatives have made it clear for some time that victims who are Latino, African American, Asian and Native American have not been served adequately by mainstream programs. For some communities it is important to establish services that address the cultural, spiritual, or immigration status needs of victims, and while some mainstream programs attempt to respond to those needs, they are not universally addressing them in sufficient numbers.”
Rep. Hilda Solis (D-Calif.) agrees, but says she’s often been in domestic violence sessions with mostly black women where, despite her years of experience with women of color, she was forced to take a back seat to a young white women who perhaps held a graduate degree in the field, but still couldn’t relate to the victims culturally or emotionally.
“By addressing domestic violence in these communities in a way that understands their culture and honors their values, we greatly increase the chances of making a difference for women of color who are being abused,” she said.
The advocates are calling for black women to write and call their congressmen to support the reauthorization of VAWA, but they note that black women often get hung up on one point of their proposed language that includes encouraging and educating black men in particular about domestic and sexual violence.
Kereen Odate, Acting Director at the Center for Women’s Development at Medgar Evers College in New York, says black women often fear they are “vilifying the black man” if they discuss such issues.
In leiu of the alarming rate of abuse black women have been subjected to, Tanis says it’s time for us to get over that hump. “Its critical, whether or not we feel comfortable talking and doing something about it.”
Are you surprised by the large number of black girls who have been abused by the age of 18? Do you think speaking out against sexual and domestic abuse vilifies black men?
Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.
Where Do You Draw The Line Between Play Fighting and Physical Abuse?
You can add domestic abuse to the list of ills Kim Kardashian has extolled on Kris Humphries—at least as far as Dr. Drew is concerned. Scrolling around online, I saw a CNN segment of the king of celebrity interventions claiming that Kim physically abused Kris as he replayed a clip of the reality star punching her new hubby on the season premier of “Kim and Kourtney Take New York.” Admittedly, I immediately rolled my eyes at the allegation but then I thought back to the reaction I had when I saw a clip the previous day of Kris being a little too rough with Kim, and I wondered if there might actually be something there.
On that same episode of “Kim and Kourtney,” Kris tries to snatch a camera from Kim and after she calls him out for being so forceful, he pushes her down on the bed. Almost instantly, he draws her to him and starts kissing her and telling her how cute she looks. Honestly, the scene left a bad taste in my mouth. Although far more mild, the incident still resembled scenes from a violent altercation where a man physically assaults a woman then almost instantly snaps out of attack mode into comforter as if nothing happened. By now, not many of us care what did or didn’t go on between the Humphries over the course of their 72-day marriage, but could their rough housing be (one of many) signs that their marriage was unhealthy—if you believe they didn’t just do it for the money.
A lot of couples tend to playfully exchange “love taps” and most times women don’t feel they have to exercise any restraint since it’s assumed they can’t actually hurt a man no matter how hard they throw a punch. But when the tables turn and a man gets too rough, the entire situation changes. Even in a heated argument, women tend to feel they have a little leeway to get physical when they can’t quite get their point across verbally or they aren’t being taken seriously. For men, on the other hand, there’s a (necessary) zero tolerance policy when it comes to the unsanctified laying on of hands, but is the double standard fair? As Dr. Drew says in his segment, it’s not about whether the abuser can instill physical harm on the other person, it’s about the potential for escalation, which is where women have to be particularly careful. A playful argument could quickly turn violent if a man is pushed too far, and truthfully, it’s not safe or fair to try to test a man in that way.
It’s difficult for me to imagine Kim Kardashian being physically abusive—mostly because of her baby voice and non-confrontational demeanor—but it’s not hard for me to see Kris masking his inclination to get physical as simple roughhousing. With the pending divorce, luckily we don’t have to worry about their situation escalating, but the media attention does serve as a reminder of potential warning signs of abuse.
Do you and your boo regularly play fight? Has one of you ever taken it too far? Do you think people are reading too much into Kris and Kim’s roughhousing or are there definite warning signs there?
Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.
Ask a Very Smart Brotha: Waiting it Out and Getting Past the Butterflies
Dear Champ,
I read your responses and your advice/suggestions always seem to be very appropriate and right on, so I figured I’d give this a shot. Thanks in advance!
I’ve been seeing a guy for about three months now. We met through an online dating website. We’ve gone out just about every weekend since we first met up. When we hang out, it’s usually something low key like grabbing lunch or dinner, going for walks, or hanging out at the house. He seems cool and we seem quite compatible. We talk a lot the entire time we’re together, and we communicate frequently throughout the week. Here’s the problem. I’m not sure if he’s truly interested in me as a potential mate or if he sees me as just a cool friend and nothing more. We’ve never had any sort of intimate contact, besides a hug every now and then and our conversations, while very interesting, are typically on a platonic level. I hesitate to ask him about it because I don’t want him to feel as if I’m rushing things, for example, if he’s just slow and really wants to develop a good friendship with someone before moving to the next step. I’m starting to develop feelings for him, and I’m not sure if I should just continue to be patient or initiate a conversation on where things are going. We’re both in our late 30s. What’s your advice? Thanks in advance!
Sincerely,
Trying to be patient
Usher’s Little Brother Arrested on Domestic Violence Charges
Usher’s little brother, James Lackey, appears to have caught a case recently when police were called to his home following reports of a disturbance. When the cops arrived, James was promptly arrested on charges of domestic violence, cruelty to children, and reckless conduct.
Sources claim that James beat up his girlfriend and laid hands on their baby. After two days in jail, he was released on bail of $5,500. Just a few years ago, Usher told MTV to watch out for his younger brother who goes by the stage name JLack. The then-22-year-old was working on an album at the time. Now it appears we need to watch out for Usher’s little bro for other reasons.
Sad. We hope James and his family work this out.
Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.
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What Would You Do If You Witnessed Domestic Violence in Public?
There are so many articles and books out there about what you should do when you are the victim of domestic violence in a relationship. Some popular TV shows even do corny episodes addressing the very real problem. They all tell you who you should call in your situation, how you know you are even in a “situation” in the first place, and on and on. But they don’t give you any clear cut ideas about what you should do when you witness domestic violence, especially when it happens to a complete stranger. You would throw down for family of course, but for a stranger? The ABC show “What Would You Do?” has touched on the topic, but seriously, what’s a good way to go about helping? Call the police? Jump in? Join in the yelling? It’s hard to say what you would do until you’re in that situation.
I encountered the aftermath of an abusive episode between a couple just this past weekend and I’m still not sure if I handled it in the best manner–I doubt it. So I thought I’d pose the question to you all for clarity: what should you do when you are a witness to domestic violence? Maybe your answers can be of benefit to others and also aid you in the future if you come across a woman (or man, real talk) who needs you to step in.
Ask Felicia Joy: How To Turn an Emotional Spark Into a Viable Business
Dear Felicia,
Since 2008, I have been a domestic violence survivor! Thank you Jesus! I’d like to write a book that caters to young women about abuse. Every time I start to write, I draw a blank because I think about the horrible things I’ve gone through. Also, I’m scared that I’ll put my heart and soul into it, all for it to go nowhere. What kind of networking should I do? Who should I reach out to? Do you think a book is a good idea?
Also, I’d like to start an event planning business–something that I can do from home. The only problem is I’m not sure about the events that I’d like to handle. I work for a television station as a budget director, so I know people who know people, but I’m not sure where to begin.
Please help!
Best,
Nicole
Dear Nicole,
You survived domestic violence and I am so glad you got out of the situation for good. Clearly you have a great career going for yourself and are thinking about new ideas.
Regardless of which idea you decide to pursue—a book or event planning—approach both of them as a business. Many times we start a business based on a personal experience or emotional spark. It is great to start from a place of inspiration. The excitement of those emotions can give you unwavering energy and courage in the early days; however, to grow and sustain a business, it needs to be just that—a business [that is] complete with a marketing and sales strategy, customer service, financial management, clear roles and responsibilities, consistent execution and a plan for growth.
So, let’s consider this a little further.
There are many questions to answer before launching a business. For instance, we need to know whether there are paying customers for what we plan to sell. We need to be clear about how our business will solve a problem or fulfill a desire. We also need to be clear about how we can be different than competitors, either literally or through branding.
Regarding your book, you could build a business around it because, unfortunately, domestic violence is on the rise and can have a deep and detrimental impact on the lives of the victim, perpetrator and their families and friends; so, it’s something people are interested in avoiding or solving. There is also a lot of shame associated with domestic violence. So, rather than making your book purely autobiographical, maybe you could use your story to teach people how to steer clear of domestic violence in the first place and how to get out of the situation if they’re already in it. That’s the book.
Now about the business: how would you make money? There are only three segments of customers: consumers, businesses or the government. You could sell your book to all three categories. To do so, you’d have to position yourself as an expert and have a solid marketing and sales strategy. Plus, you have to think about how your business will earn recurring revenue. The book sale happens one time. Perhaps you could create a program and get contracts with companies to teach new hires about how to avoid domestic violence or get out of the situation, and how to support a co-worker who may be enduring domestic violence. You could also contract with universities to teach every incoming class how to deal with this issue since the greatest increases in domestic violence are among high school and college-aged youth.
As for the event planning, consider all the same questions and really think about how you can differentiate your business. There are so many event planners that the best way to be successful is to become a planner in a niche—perhaps for one industry or for one type of event. For example, you work at a television station. Maybe you could become an event planner who works with producers for live media events.
These are just a few ideas to help you think through which business you want to pursue. As far as struggling to write the book, try to write everyday and do so without going back to read or edit what you’ve already written. When your emotions well up, write down what you are thinking. Pouring your feelings out on paper will probably help free you from any lingering effects, and the authenticity of your story, paired with how-to insight on getting out of a domestic violence situation, could help a lot of people in the end if you decide to release a book. Find a top notch editor who can whip your story and insights into shape after you’re finished.
I wish you so much grace, peace and favor as you continue on your life’s journey. Write to me at ask@feliciajoy.biz and let me know how it’s going.
Note: All advice offered in this column is for general information only. Felicia Joy and The Atlanta Post are indemnified against any and all related claims. Always seek the advice of licensed professionals before making business decisions.
Felicia Joy is a nationally recognized entrepreneur who created $50 million in value for the various organizations and companies she served in corporate America before launching her business enterprise. She is often called on to discuss the ins and outs of entrepreneurial success and has appeared on CNN, FOX and in other national press. Felicia operates Ms. CEO Inc., a training and development company that helps women entrepreneurs achieve more success, faster — as well as Joy Group International, LLC, a business development and consulting firm. Send her your questions at ask@feliciajoy.biz or www.twitter.com/feliciajoy.
Supporting Shady Artists: Yay or Nay?
As much as we expect our celebrities to be role models, they consistently let us down.
Adultery scandals, alleged pedophilia, tax evasion charges, phoned-in third albums…these things serve to tarnish our perception of artists and often keep money we’d spend on them in our pockets. In most instances, I don’t think this should be the case: most of us have a demon or three we’re not proud of, and celebrity status really shouldn’t serve as an excuse to chain folks to a different moral standard unless you’re a politician.
That said, everyone has something, and I imagine if I were a woman living in this society, I wouldn’t support the wanton misogyny coming from the most popular rappers in the game. Damn near every top 40 rapper has bars rife with negativity and violence toward women, and some of our most lauded arts have allegedly taken that off the wax: Notorious B.I.G., Tupac and Big Pun, among others, have all been accused of putting hands where they don’t belong.
Madame on the Street: Is it Ever Ok for a Man to Hit a Woman?
You already know the answer to this one, right? Most of us do; yet, that doesn’t negate the fact that hundreds of thousands of women remain in relationships where a man is physically abusing them. They’ll make all kind of excuses. “It was just once.” “He just choked me a little bit.” The list goes on. No matter how crafty or clever the reason, there’s no excuse for a man physically assaulting a woman.
We posed this no-brainer to some New Yorkers and we got a couple of …interesting answers. Watch the video above to see what they had to say.
*If you’re at work right now, this video may be just a tad inappropriate. Turn the volume down or have your headphones on deck.*
Virtual Insanity: Joe Budden Takes Personal Drama To Twitter
I can’t name Joe Budden’s last three songs, but I can name at least three women he’s been linked to. It isn’t that his music isn’t at all popular; I’m simply not a fan of it. Details of his personal life, however, are not so easily avoidable. The Slaughterhouse rapper has built up quite a reputation for cavorting with beautiful video/men’s mag models and then sharing the messy details with the world. Among them: model Tahiry, Love and Hip Hop star Somaya Reece and, most recently, video vixen Esther Baxter.
For the last two days, Twitter was abuzz with deets over the release of Budden’s latest song “Ordinary Love Sh*t, Part 3: Closure”, which details his account of the relationship with Baxter. In a series tweets leading up to its debut, the rapper references the loss of “four children” seemingly with the model. It’s unclear as to whether these were abortions or miscarriages, but there is an air of accusation against Baxter that the ceased pregnancies were her fault; he also charges Baxter with cheating on him with He then tweets: “If you know her and care about her well being, tell that b*tch to chill…”
Do Girls Really Run The World?
Yesterday, I was forced to repeatedly listen to Beyoncé’s new single, “Run the World (Girls),” thanks to a precocious teenager who insisted on playing the song ad-nasuem. Don’t get me wrong—I’m not hatin’ on Beyoncé. The song has catchy lyrics and a sick beat. But after hearing it for the eighth time, I was pretty much ready to bang my head against the wall to the rhythm of the song. Yet at some point during the ninth replay of the song, I began to wonder if there was some legitimacy to Beyoncé’s girl-power anthem: do girls, also known as women, really run the world?
There is a really compelling argument to make that women may have finally achieved a power advantage in society. In an article written last year for The Atlantic, writer Hanna Rosin discussed the global economy’s shift to favoring “female” characteristics while male-dominated industries, such as manufacturing, construction and finance, are declining.
The U.S. Department of Labor seems to support Rosin’s argument. Statistics show that women comprised 46.8 percent of the total U.S. labor force in 2009, and are projected to account for 46.9 percent of the labor force in 2018. Women have also made great strides in management, professional and related occupations with 40 percent being employed. Also, for the first time in history, more women have college degree than our male counterparts.
Yes, Virginia Slims; we have come a long way, baby.
While there is no doubt that woman have made some gains in society, there is still a fair amount of inequality that women face in the workplace and in society at large. The biggest obstacle is the earnings gap between men and women. Women are likely to earn only 77.5-80 cents for every dollar that men earn for the same work—and that number decreases if you are a woman of color. Although economists who predicted that the income gap would decrease, it has actually stayed that same with no movement. In fact, 59 percent of working women are making less than $8 an hour.
Despite Beyoncé’s assertion that “we give birth to children then get back to business,” as a result of the economic recession, single women with children became the poorest group in this country. In 2009, of those households that lived in poverty, 29.9 percent were headed by single women, compared to 16.9 percent of single men and 5.8 percent of married couples. Unfortunately, very little is being done to assist households led by single mothers to retain their places in the workforce. Despite the financial hardships that come with the new arrival of a child, many employers still do not provide women with any benefits if they need to leave work temporarily.
Globally, women account for two-thirds of the world’s 774 million illiterate adults. In some parts of the world, women and girls bear the brunt of poverty. Their lack of control over resources, including land and other types of property, has limited their economic autonomy, which has made them the most vulnerable group to economic or environmental issues.
Back in the U.S., a woman is assaulted or beaten every nine seconds. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than care accidents, muggings and rapes combined – and every day, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends. Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime. Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family.
Despite the fun posturing in the “Run The World” song, the reality is still much closer to the words of James Brown, in that it’s still a “man’s world.” By the way, out of all the world leaders currently in power, only 20 of them are women. Though it has been a record-breaking year for women in power, it’s still not enough to actually rule the world.
Charing Ball is the author of the blog People, Places & Things.
