All Articles Tagged "divorce"
Divorce doesn’t come out of nowhere. Even if it seems like it comes out of nowhere, because somebody cheats, is abusive, or “suddenly” decides they’d like to leave, it really never comes out of nowhere. There were always incidents leading up to it. And that means the opposite is true. There are little things along the way that lead to a relationship lasting and, in some ways, even prevent divorce. Here are 15 of them.
You already know that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are calling it quits. However, one of the saddest parts of their split (aside from what will happen with their six kids), is that Pitt didn’t see it coming. According to Pitt’s statement in response to Jolie’s filing, “I am very saddened by this, but what matters most now is the well-being of our kids. I kindly ask the press to give them the space they deserve during this challenging time.”
Pitt isn’t the first celebrity to be all smiles and in love one day, and then left wondering what went wrong the next. Quite a few stars have said that they were “blindsided” by their spouse’s decision to call it quits.
Back in 2014, we told you that former America’s Next Top Model star and actress Yaya DaCosta, 33, decided to split from her husband of two years, Joshua Bee Alafia. But after speaking with DaCosta earlier today while promoting Season 2 of her hit NBC series Chicago Med (which returns next Thursday, September 22 at 9/8c), she said that Alafia wasn’t her husband after all.
“You know what’s funny? Because I never talk about my personal life, it’s hard to dispel rumors,” Dacosta said in response to a question of how she’s moving forward after the divorce. “And a lot of people say, ‘Oh, just ignore them, they’ll go away.’ But no, I never got divorced because I was never married, first of all. But I did have a child with someone, which is more of a commitment than marriages these days anyway. I broke up with him right after the birth because like I said, it was an enlightening experience. But I definitely make it a point to ensure that my son has a relationship with his father because everyone should.”
In reference to the “enlightening experience” statement, prior to the question about life after divorce, I inquired about how motherhood changed the actress (she used her social media to help normalize nursing soon after her son’s birth). She said it changed her entirely.
“I’m a completely different person and it’s difficult sometimes because people who think they knew you before want to hold you to who they think you are and should remain.”
She continued, “It’s definitely difficult letting go of things, ideas of yourself, in order to be able to figure out who you are. But if you don’t do that then yeah, that’s how a lot of people do end up stuck their whole lives. So yeah, having him has definitely shown me, or reminded me I should say, of who I really am.”
But DaCosta’s rep did confirm to Us Weekly in 2014 that they parted ways, and according to the New York Post‘s Page Six, DaCosta filed papers for a contested divorce in Manhattan Supreme Court, but the filing was sealed, so the reason behind the split is not known. Neither party spoke about the breakup publicly — until now.
The pair had an outdoor ceremony in Pennsylvania in June 2012, and have a son, Sankara. He was born in September 2013.
While some are skeptical about looking for that special someone through web sites and apps, many people have had success when it comes to finding love online. It was how actress Essence Atkins met her husband, Jaime Mendez.
When speaking on stepping outside of her comfort zone to try online dating, Atkins told Essence that she didn’t want to “waste any more time” on the dating scene. When she finally created a profile and started mixing and mingling with men on Match.com, she literally found her match.
“I put myself in the frame of mind where I wasn’t going to waste any more time,” she said. “I met my husband at 36; a lot of people have questioned it like, ‘she’s so desperate.’ I didn’t want to waste any more time. After 35, I felt like I’d been in these relationships, some were great, some weren’t so great, but they weren’t right partnerships. So I did this inventory, I’m not going to just settle for anyone, and at this point I don’t have anymore time to waste if I wanted to have children.”
Sadly, Atkins’ relationship with Mendez, is coming to an end. She shared the news the first time publicly while appearing as a guest on Hollywood Today Live with Garcelle Beauvais, Ross Mathews and Tanner Thomason.
“I am going to be entering the dating world after nearly a decade,” Atkins said. “I’m in the process of getting a divorce, sadly. It’s weird because literally, three weeks after filing, I got this job where I’m playing a newly divorced woman who’s co-parenting with her ex that she still loves, but they’ve somehow realized that they’re not meant to partner together anymore. It was kind of this weird, amazing moment the universe was like, here’s art imitating life and we’re going to talk about this and you’re going to explore it in a really humorous way.”
The show she was talking about is the upcoming comedy, Marlon, starring Marlon Wayans. The series is loosely based on Wayans’s life. He plays a “loving but immature dad” and Atkins plays his ex-wife.
Atkins went on to say that she’s realized that even in divorce, there’s love and humor, as well as the need to have a loving relationship for the sake of the children involved.
“Even in deconstructing a family, you’re still figuring out a way to be a family.”
6 yrs ago we leapt into the rest of our lives together and I have been soaring ever since. But I am even more excited TODAY to share our future together because of these last six years. How grateful I am that God has given me such an incredible partner. Jaime, my world is everything I want it to be standing next to you. I love you. #whoscarwetaking #teamMendez
The actress married Mendez in September 2009 after meeting on Valentine’s Day in 2008 through Match. The pair have a 4-year-old son together named Varro.
With that being said, Atkins also realizes that she’s going to have to reenter the dating scene. That truth is something Atkins is struggling to deal with, as the 44-year-old acknowledges that things are very different than what she remembers.
“I feel like ‘Oh yeah, I’m ready!’ And then I’m like, ‘Oh no, I’m not!'” she said. “I’ve turned 40 since I’ve dated. I don’t know, people don’t talk anymore, they text. They only call if it’s a dire emergency. I have no idea how to go about it.”
But she did note that she does have a type that she’s looking for when she finally does get back out there, and the guy should be a very interesting combination of a fit man, and a funny man.
“I don’t know, I guess I kind of want him to be like The Rock and Jim Carrey,” she said, to the hosts’ surprise. “They’re both really interesting. The Rock is of course gorgeous and chivalrous and huge, but Jim Carrey makes me laugh. He’s got such humanity about him. And he’s always saying these wise things and then he does something silly. I feel like that’s me.”
When I first heard about StayGo, an app that helps you decide whether or not you should stay with your partner, I was single. Like, painfully single. I was too busy using Tinder to think about using StayGo, so I thought of a few friends who might benefit from trying the app. One of them was going through a divorce and the other was happily married. I thought it would be both cruel and entertaining to see what kind of feedback they got from the app. But, as always happens when I’m being a little petty, an ex-boyfriend came back into my life and turned it upside down. Suddenly, I needed to use the app.
At a different time in my life, I thought he was my soul mate. Sometimes, when it was really quiet and we were lying in bed together, I could hear his thoughts before he spoke them (they were often about food cravings). We were on and off from ages 16 to 27, and last week he popped back into my 32-year-old life as if he’d never left. I found myself on a park bench one afternoon, holding his hand and laying my head on his shoulder as if it we were still two high school kids with no place to go.
It’s sort of amazing how the body remembers. It’s shocking that, with all the time that passes, the heart can still quicken when the love of your
life teens and 20s touches your hand. Still, things have changed between us. He’s in a committed relationship, and I’ve raised my standards. But as we sat together, I couldn’t help but wonder if there was an opportunity for us in the present.
So, I decided to use the StayGo app on myself.
Now I’d like to point out that, no matter what the app would tell me, I’m not a homewrecker. I’m not in the business of dating men in committed relationships, and I don’t intend to start now. That said, I decided to use myself because the heart distorts memory and makes everything appear softer. In the cloud of nostalgia, I wondered if perhaps we could have a different life together. In the cloud of nostalgia, my good sense was being silenced. Mostly, in this cloud of nostalgia, I was heartbroken all over again. I felt I’d lost something I know deep down I’m not supposed to have.
Most of us, when faced with these relationship questions, ask our friends. If our friends are honest, they tell us to get a grip. If our friends are as flawed as we are, they might give us less objective advice. StayGo is supposed to circumvent bad advice because it’s an app developed by behavioral psychologists. You fill in your information, (including your relationship status, which can range from married to “hooking up”), then, the app prompts you to answer a series of questions about almost every aspect of your relationship (from communication to sexual activity). It asks you to imagine what your friends might think of your relationship and forces you to consider your own values (where do you see yourself in five years and what aspects of relationships are most important to you?). The entire questionnaire takes about 15 minutes to work through, and in the end, you’re given an SG Score with a bit of advice.
My score was a 49 out of 100, and, quite accurately said, “There are lots of red flags, but you already know that. If you want to make this relationship work it will take lots of effort on both parties.” Then, a little further down it said, “…you should ask yourself why you expect so little from this relationship.”
And right there, in black and white, I had the answer I already knew existed. If I wanted more from a relationship, as I claimed, I couldn’t go back. This person is not (nor has he ever been) for me.
Overall, I thought the app was cool because it forced me to ponder tough questions. Before the app calculated my score, the questions I was being prompted to answer already let me know that a relationship with this person wasn’t what I wanted again. I was forced to admit that sometimes the sex was not fulfilling and that I never felt fully supported emotionally. I was forced to quantify my satisfaction, and before I got the score, I knew I was coming up short.
It made the truth stronger than the nostalgia.
For those of you in committed relationships, StayGo has a tracker that allows you to chart your satisfaction over time. There are even graphs that I guess tell you when you’re happy (I don’t really know). You can also do the questionnaire as many times as you’d like for different folks, so if you’re choosing between two people, it could be helpful. Mostly though, I think we all have the right answers in our own hearts. StayGo, and other technologies, might just make it clearer for us to access what we already know.
Patia Braithwaite is a relationship writer from New York City. You can find out more about her @ www.menmyselfandgod.com. She also tweets occasionally @pdotbrathw8.
After only 11 months of marriage and the public only officially being in the loop this May, it was revealed earlier this week that soul songstress Jhene Aiko filed for divorce from music producer Dot Da Genius.
Aiko cited irreconcilable differences as the cause for the split and is asking that the judge deny Dot’s spousal support, according to court documents.
In months prior, rumors of their union being on the rocks surfaced when it seemed as if Aiko and Big Sean’s collaborative album TM88 was more than a musical bond. When the news of the divorce hit the web, social media had a field day, discussing the hot topic at hand. Earlier today, the “Déjà Vu” singer spoke out her divorce, putting all inquiring minds in their place for good.
@Iam_UT once again, with the internet as ur source… ur point is invalid and inaccurate and ur ignorance grows stronger
— Efuru (@JheneAiko) August 13, 2016
“How is it my fault that your cheating was publicly viewed by the world?” a Twitter account asked. “Once again, with the internet as your source… your point is invalid and inaccurate and your ignorance grows stronger,” Aiko replied.
“I only cheated myself. So glad to be free from all the drugs, depression and confrontation,” the singer also said to one of her followers passing judgment on her decisions that have played out in the media as of late.
“He jumped the ship a long time ago. He wants to be the victim and I’ll let his bitch ass assume the role,” she tweeted to another individual.
For Jhene who usually keeps her private life private and shares through her music, this mini rant or whatever you’d like to call it was definitely unexpected. Her tweets also caught the attention of Dot’s friend and collaborator Kid Cudi, who stood up for him.
The funny thing is, we aint sweatin these bum bitches and these corn ball ass niggas. We too busy makin better music https://t.co/NbVora9ewX
— The Chosen One (@KidCudi) August 12, 2016
A Twitter troll apparently dug up an old tweet from Cudi telling Aiko, “If you hurt him, I’ll kill you,” in reference to Dot. Cudi then retweeted the post, taking a shot at Aiko and possibly one at Big Sean: “The funny thing is, we ain’t sweating these bum bitches and these corn ball ass ni***s. We too busy makin better music.”
One word for all of this y’all: Drama.
No more hall passes and second chances for Memphitz.
After a five-year marriage that started off good and ended up tumultuous, The Jasmine Brand exclusively reports that Toya Wright is officially calling it quits from husband and music producer Mickey “Memphitz” Wright.
The couple married in June 2011 and have been on a pretty rocky road ever since. Recently, the two appeared on Marriage Boot Camp to mend their failing relationship, but Memphitz’s explosive temper was a clear indicator that their problems ran deeper than any quick reality show could fix.
Toya, who filed the papers on July 8, lists the marriage as “irretrievably broken and there is no hope of reconciliation.” Though the two have been separated for over a year now, that hasn’t stopped the music producer from sharing his love for his ex.
He also posted a meme that gives the impression that he was shocked by Wright’s filing.
A photo posted by Mickey Wright. aka “MeMpHiTz” (@therealmemphitz) on
Still, Memphitz has not responded to the filing outside of Instagram. And in case you were wondering, considering that the prenup (which protects her) is pretty solid, this split shouldn’t get too messy.
by Sharisse Tracey
When I confessed to Bryant that my father abused me as a young teenaged girl, he listened carefully. His head always upright and proud, hung a little as sadness took over his face. I knew he was sorry before the words left his mouth. I said, “It’s okay,” to help ease the pain I sensed he felt. Since that day with my dad, my relationships with all males became damaged though I didn’t know it at the time. I wasn’t used to boys sticking around though Bryant was technically a man at 21 with a used car he’d just bought with winnings from a TV talent show. So, there I was with my first nice guy, a friend, but I had no idea what to do with an admirable man in my life.
Bryant and I hung out a few times, a week at the movies, at restaurants and we’d moved up to giving each other advice on dating. My parents loved him. He was the only guy my father didn’t accuse me of being a whore with. I warned Bryant that my father was a psycho. After he sexually abused me I became more promiscuous. One of his solutions was to nail my bedroom windows shut after he saw one young man exit that way.
“He doesn’t care,” I said, after Bryant expressed a concern of fire safety.
I always wanted a real boyfriend. They were a status symbol. Since Bryant and I decided to be friends, I needed another decent guy. I never had a problem finding men that were interested, just those who would call the next day.
Chris, a formerly shy boy from junior high resurfaced in twelfth grade. He had more confidence, straighter teeth and more muscles than he had in junior high. I decided he would be my boyfriend although he was bad at it, and very good at disappointing me. Chris always cancelled at the last minute, and it didn’t matter what our plans were. After one let down too many, I went to our bathroom medicine cabinet where my father kept his codeine medication. I emptied the bottle ¾ of the way and took the pills back to my room. I forced each pill to the back of my throat tasting the chalky white substance on my tongue. I swallowed. With each pill I felt drowsier. By pill 13 I called Bryant.
“Sharisse, what’s wrong?” Bryant asked hearing the slur in my voice.
“Can you come get me?”
“What did you do?”
He was at my house in minutes.
“What did you do?” he asked, knowing.
“I took some pills?”
“What, over a guy?
“Yes, just take me out of here. We can handle it, please.”
Bryant went out to the living room to tell my parents that he was taking me for ice cream because I wasn’t feeling well. My mother asked if I was okay, and he told her he thought I would be. She knew how headstrong I was and that if I insisted to go, I was going. “Are you okay?” my mom asked, “Just tired Mommy,” I said, with a slight rise of my hand. As soon as we hit our front door, the weight of the drugs took over. Bryant wrapped his arm around me and guided me to his car.
We drove on the 210-freeway from Pasadena to Monrovia, a city we would later live in as husband and wife. He took me to a Catholic hospital but the site of the Virgin Mary outside frightened me. I had issues with God for allowing my father to hurt me. “No, I won’t go in there. We are doing fine let’s just keep driving around,” I said. “They need to pump your stomach, Sharisse.” “No they don’t. It’s working itself out.” Bryant hated not taking me to the hospital but he knew my history and that I wouldn’t go. He kept me awake and talking.
In that same year we found love until a triangle with his ex-girlfriend destroyed our relationship. Months later on my return trip from Hawaii with co-worker friends, he surprised me with a declaration of confirmed love—for only me. In two months we were engaged and in four I married the man who saved my life that night when I was 16. I was 19 at our wedding.
Not realizing the true effect my relationship with my father had on me, I was unprepared to be anyone’s wife. My belief was that a man as good as Bryant could sustain and possibly override my pain. I didn’t trust that a man as good as he would wait for the work I needed to do on myself. I also couldn’t entertain the thought that if Bryant were not the man for me, any other man could be. A teenage wedding made sense. We had a son but separated by his second birthday partly because I was a horrible spouse despite the best of intentions. I didn’t want to be a wife at all. I cheated early in our marriage. We were divorced by our third wedding anniversary.
Co-parenting our son was first priority. Forgiveness eventually came and friendship resurfaced only to became stronger than it had been when we were younger. Years later, Bryant told me about a movie where best friends agreed to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge if they didn’t find love by 30. Not wanting to go that far or pay the expense of a trip to New York City since we were both broke and living in L.A., Bryant and I came up with our own pact. We decided to remarry if we didn’t find love with other partners. With 30 approaching, and both if us loving each other more like brother and sister, we knew a union would only be for companionship. We broke our agreement and decided to remain successful at the one thing we’d sustained for over a decade. Our friendship. He remained happily single and always dating some of the prettiest women I’ve seen.
I loved Bryant more than I loved myself. I didn’t love me at all. By cheating on him, and wanting out of our marriage it saved him from what I couldn’t be saved from. He didn’t deserve the pain I was somehow convinced that I did. The substandard, abusive relationships I ultimately allowed were proof of this. They were most difficult to watch for people who wanted me with Bryant and knew how much he cared about me. Somewhere along the line I learned how to cherish others despite having that same kind of devotion for myself. I never loved myself. I always thought that was someone else’s job so I actively sought out people to love me. My abuse, unfortunately, confirmed feelings I’d had since childhood. The affection from my mother was great but it was the hatred I felt from my father that shaped me. It was that acceptance I was always searching for. Bryant gave me that for a time.
I used to wonder if I was the reason why he had not remarried. I couldn’t live with myself if I’d hurt Bryant so bad. When my guilt got the better of me, I reminded him of how he couldn’t choose between his ex-girlfriend and me for years. “I know, Shay,” he said. This is the nickname he gave me. “It’s not you.” I believed him because I wanted to but a part of me knew it had to be just a little bit true. It’s not because I thought I was that great of a wife, obviously I wasn’t. It was because I know how wonderful a person he was. But Bryant is happy. He’s dated multiple women over the past two decades, some serious, some not. If he wanted to be married, he would be. I would sit proud in the front row of his wedding as he vowed to love the woman who would become the second luckiest in this world. He doesn’t rule marriage out.
I’m remarried now to a dedicated man in the Armed Forces who is a giving father and husband. I feel fortunate to have found two special men in one lifetime. He and Bryant get along very well. Bryant loves all of my children. Our 22-year-old son is lucky to have him as a father and my husband as a stepfather. He’s been like a second dad to my other kids, too. I didn’t know he would be my future ex husband, but Bryant is my male best friend and has seen me through some tough times. My husband is my life’s partner. Between the two of them, my children and I are in good hands. Every woman should be so fortunate to have found a few good men.
Sharisse Tracey is a writer, educator and mother of four. She and her family are currently stationed in Ft. Lewis, Washington where Sharisse is working on her memoir.
In case you hadn’t heard, Dwyane Wade announced earlier this month that he would leave the Miami Heat to join the Chicago Bulls as part of a two-year deal worth a whopping $47.5 million. And while we’re sure he’s excited about the opportunity to return to his hometown to play, no one is probably more thrilled about this news than his ex-wife, Siovaughn Funches. Let Chicago’s WGN break down this possible come-up for both parties:
Wade’s ex-wife reportedly said she wants to re-open her divorce settlement with her fellow Robbins, Ill., native.
According to the Chicago Tribune, Siohvaughn Funches asked a judge to throw out her settlement agreement with Wade, and give her a larger portion of his basketball earnings, including part of his new contract.
Funches is suing her former divorce lawyer, Brian Hurst, for malpractice, alleging he agreed to the deal with Wade without her knowledge, the Tribune reports.
Hurst denied the claims to the Tribune on Thursday. On Friday Judge Martin Agran threw out her lawsuit. But he did offer her the chance to file an amended lawsuit, and Funches’s new lawyer, Thomas Gooch, says she “absolutely” intends to do so.
The former couple, who were high school sweethearts, married in 2002 and divorced officially in 2010 after years of ugly fighting in court. Wade initially filed for divorce in 2007. They have two children together and she was with him when he won his first championship title with the Heat in 2006. It made sense that when he decided to move on, she would want something to help her adjust to the major change in financial status, and so, in 2013, she was awarded $5 million in their initial divorce settlement. And yet, now that he’s received one of his largest contracts, she wants more. Knowing what she’s said that she’s gone through and their history, does she deserve it?
When I read about her hope to reopen the contentious divorce settlement process, I could only think about a conversation I had with a lawyer I met at a friend’s brunch this past weekend. He was anti-marriage, and when I asked why, aside from not feeling the concept of monogamy, he also wasn’t happy about how ugly he has seen things play out in divorce proceedings. His specific issue?
“Why should a woman get access to what I’ve worked hard for when it’s over?”
He would go on a long spiel with questions like, “What if she cheated?” “What if I marry someone else? How does it look I’m still paying another woman’s way?” and “If she files and wants to leave me, why should she still have access to my money?” I would go on to try and explain to him that I do think some women are owed financial support. For instance, a woman like my mother. Granted, my parents are still together, but if she were to leave, she would be someone who deserved alimony for her many years of sacrifice. You see, she worked hard in the early days of my parents’ marriage, doing so while my dad tried to get the education necessary to be in his desired field. She would provide him with loans, as well as the family as a whole with the benefits and the money necessary until he started moving up the ranks. After having their third child together, she would stop working after struggling to balance a 9-to-5 job in the city of Chicago before running home to play, feed, answer homework questions for and put to sleep her kids. She had one more child with my father (me) after the fact, and hasn’t worked a full-time job since. That was nearly 30 years ago. He went on to be very successful and we, with my mother’s early contributions, finally were able to live comfortably.
As I told the lawyer, and as I truly believe, women, natural nurturers, are always helping the men in their lives. This is often true even if they’re not in the office with these men making business deals, coming up with the ideas that make millions, or as Drake tried to say when Vanessa Bryant was tempted to walk away from her marriage to Kobe with multiple homes and millions, “with me shooting in the gym.” But they are there holding things down, providing meals, comfort, stroking egos, raising children and offering everyone a secure home and home life to return to at the end of the day. As Vanessa perfectly put it in response to the rapper, “I don’t need to be in the gym. I’m raising our daughters, signing checks and taking care of everything else that pertains to our home life.”
And we all know that women aren’t alone in receiving alimony. According to Reuters, with many women becoming the breadwinners in their homes these days, more and more women are paying alimony, too. The contributions of the person at home aren’t lessened because they don’t result in the financial success.
But just how long does a person need to fund the dreams and lifestyle of someone else? How much money will it take for Funches to feel rightfully compensated for her support during their relationship, which ended nearly a decade ago? When are you owed for the success you helped to bring about, and when are you just looking to live off of someone else instead of getting back to work like the rest of us do every day?
It’s quite the complicated conversation. But based on the fact that it keeps coming up, one can’t help but wonder.