All Articles Tagged "divorce"
Until death do us part are the words that fall from our lips as we stand before our family and friends and pledge our unwavering love and support for our future spouse. We’re in marital bliss and finally have our happily ever after — or at least that’s what we think until everything goes wrong. Deeming the union unsalvageable and irreparable, we’re faced with the unimaginable: divorce.
Going through a divorce is difficult, especially if you didn’t initiate the process. So how does one prepare for this tragedy to unfold? You can’t, especially if you never saw it coming. But while you may not be able to prepare for the unraveling of your marriage, you can survive the reality of unhappily ever after. Here’s how:
Grieve The Loss. In many ways, going through a divorce is almost as traumatic as losing a loved one to death — except that your loved one is still alive and moving on without you, which can make the split even more difficult. As challenging as it may be, grieving the loss of the marriage is the most essential step to helping you get over the relationship. We must take time to grieve all types of loss in our life. We cannot effectively heal and move forward until we have acknowledged the absence of what was. We must accept that what we thought and hoped would be is no longer reality. Writing down your feelings about the divorce can be very helpful in the grieving process, as can writing a goodbye letter or sending off a paper lantern. Both are a great way to symbolically close the door on this relationship and open another door to a new beginning.
Accept That The Relationship Has Changed. One of the hardest things to do is to acknowledge that things will change. You’re used to being with your partner on a daily basis and now they will no longer be in your life. The consistency has changed, the comfort of routine has been eliminated, and you’re now faced with a new normal. Take the first steps toward accepting this change by separating yourself from your ex. Revert back to your maiden name, if applicable, change your address, dissolve any financial obligations tying you together, and don’t prolong the signing of divorce papers. You have to move on with your life.
Keep Yourself Busy. Keeping busy is important in order to have a peace of mind. Find hobbies and other ways to occupy your time. The more time you spend participating in positive activities, the less time you have to spend feeling sorry for yourself. Volunteering and helping others during this time will also give you a greater sense of fulfillment and purpose as you focus on easing the pain of others rather than focusing on your own.
Get A Support System. If you’re the initiator of the divorce, it’s still a challenging situation to navigate. Having a good support system in place will help make it a little easier to transition from married life to singlehood. Family and friends can be there to help you through the process, especially if they have been through a similar situation. However, remember that some family members and friends may not agree with the divorce, so it is important to be wise in deciding who to seek support from. Support groups for divorcees may do you good, but be sure to stay away from “rebound” support. You don’t want to end up in another potentially problematic situation because you were mistakenly misguided by your emotions.
A Little Therapy May Help. Therapy can be a great way to help you move past a divorce and get your life back on track. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed to seek help from a professional who has experience in dealing with people going through a divorce. You can share your thoughts and feelings with someone who can provide a totally unbiased opinion. A therapist can also provide you with tools and strategies to help you heal as you move forward. They have an outside perspective, whereas family and friends may be too attached to your ex and may not be able to totally separate the connection. Even if you sought couples therapy prior to your separation, it’s still a good idea to try individual therapy for yourself. Seeking help alone may aid you in processing and moving beyond your concerns as a newly divorced person so that you can be a single person living and enjoying life.
Give It Time! Healing is not going to happen overnight. The process of a divorce can be long and daunting. As long as you remain committed to healing and moving forward, the journey becomes easier with time. There may be occasions where you become sensitive to your situation (i.e., birthdays, holidays, anniversaries and more) and that’s okay. The occasional emotional setback is expected; just try not to dwell too long on the memory, as it will only reopen wounds and make the journey take even longer.
Surviving unhappily ever after is totally possible, if you’re willing to do the work. That’s not to say that there won’t be lonely nights, a lot of tears, and a range of emotions along the way, but as long as you are realistic and remember that you can survive and be loving all by yourself, you will be able to get through the loss of the relationship.
Dr. TaMara loves nothing more than talking about sex! At the age of 13, she told her mother she wanted to be a Sex Therapist! Her passion is deeply rooted in spreading messages about healthy sexuality. Dr. TaMara is a sexologist, sex therapist, educator and motivational speaker with more than 20 years of experience speaking, writing and teaching about sexuality. She travels the country helping individuals embrace and honor their sexuality. Dr. TaMara has published numerous books and articles. She is the owner of L.I.F.E. by Dr. TaMara Griffin Live Inspired Feel Empowered LLC-LIFE. She is the publisher and editor-in-chief for Our Sexuality! Magazine. Follow her on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, www.drtamaragriffin.com or www.projectcreatesafe.com.
One day these celebrity couples looked like they were living happily ever after. The next day they announced their split. Now they’re finally ready to share the reason behind these celebrity divorces.
Indiana sports fans will never forget Stephen Jackson’s name. You may remember he was one of the Indiana Pacers involved in the now infamous (and arguably justified) Malice at The Palace brawl when a Detroit Pistons fan threw beer, chairs and other things on him and his teammates while he was on the court.
But now, his name is in the headlines once again, this time for a more personal matter. Jackson has asked a judge to dismiss his wife’s petition for a divorce because he’s still blowing her back out.
Naw, he didn’t say that. I’m just very fond of that phrase. But the general message is still the same. In legal documents obtained by TMZ, Jackson said that the judge shouldn’t grant the divorce because his wife, Renata Jackson, is just attempting to collect a prenup payout even though they still do the things married couples do.
Jackson says that under the terms of their prenup, the payout she’d receive would be based on his net worth at the time when she initially filed for divorce in 2013. He was playing in the NBA at the time so the sum to be dispersed would be much greater than his current net worth, now that he’s left the league.
Jackson’s documents state that the marriage wasn’t over when she filed in 2013 and isn’t over now because they’re still having sex…on a regular.
Not only are they having sex, Jackson, who married Renata in 2009, said that they still take vacations together. They’ve been to the Bahamas, Cancun and Jamaica.
In the documents, Jackson’s attorney concluded “Despite filing for divorce, [Renata] continued her relationship with [Stephen] in an effort to ‘have her cake and eat it too.'”
I don’t know what is truly motivating Renata but, unlike several of the commenters on the TMZ article, I was not surprised by the fact that she is still sleeping with her estranged husband.
It happens all the time. If you watched “Married At First Sight,” you saw Vaughn and Monet bicker and fight with each other all throughout the day only to get it all the way in once they went to bed. Despite their sexual chemistry, they still ended up getting a divorce.
There was a whole movie, starring Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin, where a divorced couple couldn’t seem to stop having sex with each other, though they both knew a relationship between the two of them would never work out.
My own mother, in a rather random moment of confession, told me and my sister that should she and my father ever get divorced, she would still have sex with him. Primarily because she knows him and he knows her and she wouldn’t be ready or even interested in building and sharing that type of intimacy with another person.
While I’ve never been married, I can understand the mentality. We all know sex doesn’t equal love. And, to take it a step further, loving someone doesn’t mean you should be together. So with that in mind, I can certainly see how a woman would want to continue sleeping with the man she loved, knew and was comfortable with, even if the relationship is over on paper.
It doesn’t make the best sense in the context of healing and moving on but we’ve all done some pretty stupid things either the name of love or in the name of scratching an itch.
And in the instance of Stephen and Renata Jackson, it doesn’t seem like either one of them really want a divorce. It would be one thing if Renata was just letting Stephen get a little goodbye taste every once in a while; but the fact that she’s vacationing with dude, makes me think a part of her wants to work it out. Do you know how terrible it is to vacation with someone you can’t stand?!
As for Stephen, even though he claims that Renata is just trying to get at his money, he still doesn’t want the judge to grant her a divorce.
These two are funny. And hopefully they come to some type of agreement.
But back to you, would you consider sleeping with an ex or an estranged husband?
At some point, folks really need to start thinking about their happiness.
I am in no way an expert on marriage, but I do know a thing or two about healthy and happy relationships. I’m blessed to say my guy and I have been together for seven years and are coming up on our third wedding anniversary. As a child of divorce, it was a bit difficult at first to navigate our life as husband and wife given I didn’t have the best example growing up. Even with my parents’ split, I’m happy they did what they could to put their differences aside and develop a healthy co-parenting partnership that was void of drama.
I just wish some people in my camp would get it together. I’m really tired of hearing about the same old problems.
We have a close family friend who has been married to his wife for five years — and for five years he has done nothing but complain about his situation. Come to think of it, the brother was complaining before he got married which should have been a red flag. Aside from being annoying (he’s a grown man who married younger), we all can’t help but wonder why he’s staying with his wife if she’s really that bad. From what we know, she doesn’t cook, clean or enjoy physical encounters if you know what I mean. After several failed attempts to reignite their flame through therapy, nothing appears to be working. The two have a child together, which I think is one of the main reasons he’s trying so hard to stick it out. Even though he makes more money and their home is his, he thinks she will take their son away and he won’t get equal custody or visitation. He’s also nervous she’ll take him to the cleaners.
Is it really cheaper to keep her–or him if the roles were reversed?
I always thought that concept applied to folks who made some serious money, but I guess not. It’s one thing to try and stay in a relationship for the sake of your child, but in most cases, that can do more harm than good–considering how unhealthy the relationship will become over time. My father has two marriages under his belt with the last costing him dearly. Even though he knew in the back of his head he shouldn’t have said “I do,” he made the decision to couple up with a woman who had no problems expressing her love for gold (to say the least). While their divorce set him back financially — to the point of almost filing for bankruptcy — he knew his sanity and well-being were more important. After years of saving, he’s currently enjoying the retired life in a new home free of debt… and my former stepmother.
If there was ever a moral to this story, it’s to figure out how compatible you are with someone before you get into a marriage. In addition to their quarrels and arguments, these two don’t see eye-to-eye when it comes to finances. He saves, she spends. Money is one of the top reasons why folks split, but apparently it could be the thing keeping these two together. Sometimes financial backlash is an investment worth taking–especially if you have the time and will to better your situation.
Who knows what will happen to these two. Hopefully others won’t make the same mistakes, or at least learn from them should they happen. Here are some reads that might help in this arena:
Should all celebrity marriages last forever? These stars certainly didn’t think so. Were their make ups to breakups justified? Or should they have tried harder to stick it out?
NeNe Leakes agreed to “in sickness” and “in health” but not “in infidelity.” When her husband Gregg Leakes let fame get to his head, Real Housewives of Atlanta star NeNe Leakes handed him divorce papers. Not only did he clean up his act, but the tow got re-married on one of TV’s most star-studded weddings.
Having divorced parents can make a person acutely aware of all the little things that can ruin a relationship. Is that a big burden to carry? Yes. But in many ways it is a blessing. Here are some ways having divorced parents could be good for your relationships.
When Taye Diggs and Idina Menzel first announced their split in December 2013, the entertainment world was shocked. The seemingly happy couple had been married for 10 years and had a gorgeous 5 year old son together.
Now, after announcing their split over a year ago, the couple has finally filed for divorce. According to TMZ, Taye filed the divorce petition in New York in November. The couple had remained separated until then.
The couple first met in 1995 on the set of the original production of Rent. The two made a very talented couple. Idina is known for her roles in Wicked and Frozen. As for Taye Diggs, we know and love him from movies like Brown Sugar and The Best Man.
As for the status of their divorce, the two are peacefully settling things.
“Starts off like a small-town marriage, lovely wife and life, baby carriage. Now, all the stars have cars, success of course. But it ends in Hollywood divorce, Hollywood divorce.”
Sadly, yet another celebrity couple bites the dust. This time it’s former “America’s Next Top Model” and actress Yaya DaCosts and her filmmaker husband Joshua Bee Alafia. A rep for Yaya confirmed the story for Us Weekly.
The couple are parting ways after two years of marriage and welcoming their son Sankara into the world in 2013.
The couple married in 2012 during an outdoor wedding ceremony in Pennsylvania. Both have yet to speak publicly about their breakup.
We’re sad to hear about this particularly since they just had a child and Yaya’s acting career is starting to really pop.
She’ll star in the Lifetime Whitney biopic airing on January 17 at 8/7c.
With Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s “consciously uncoupling” and various media outlets talking up the climbing statistics of divorce, we’d think everyone’s splitting up. But The New York Times finds divorce is actually at an all-time low. The publication says the institution of marriage is at its strongest after surviving ceiling-shattering 1970s and early 1980s divorce rates.
The New York Times reports that 70 percent of the marriages that began in the early ‘90s have reached their 15th anniversary (excluding couples in which a spouse died). If this trend continues, two-thirds of those marriages will never be taken to divorce court.
There are a few reasons why divorce has been on a decline: people are deciding to marry later on in life, more contraceptive use and the rise of marriages who are based on love and not finances among them. The NY Times links this to how gender roles have changed over the past century. William Doherty, a marriage therapist and professor of family social services at University of Minnesota, says two-thirds of divorce were initiated by women. The NY Times concludes:
“The people who married soon before the feminist movement were caught in the upheaval. They had married someone who was a good match for the postwar culture but the wrong partner after times changed. Modern marriage is more stable because people are again marrying people suitable to the world in which we live. The delay in marriage is part of the story, allowing people more time to understand what they want in a partner and to find one. The median age for marriage in 1890 was 26 for men and 22 for women. By the 1950s, it had dropped to 23 for men and 20 for women. In 2004, it climbed to 27 for men and 26 for women.”
Headline and Global News (HNGN) reports that divorces can also be influenced by age. If you have a five-year age gap, there’s an 18 percent chance of divorce compared to a three percent chance for couples who have a single year age difference. The percentages rise as age gaps widen between couples, with couples who are 20 years a part divorcing at a 90 percent rate.
It is also reported that despite the statistical research, it does not mean long-lasting marriages are healthy or happy. HNGN says many marriages stay intact because of financial, religious, ethnic or child-rearing reasons.
Sue Ann Hamm, the woman who just this week was awarded nearly $1 billion in a divorce settlement with her billionaire husband Harold Hamm, is appealing for more because she says that figure is “not equitable.” The decision is one of the largest in US history.
According to Hamm’s lawyer, the settlement allows her ex to keep 94 percent of the $18 billion increase in the value of his shares of Continental Resources, that company for which he serves as CEO. The judge decided that $1.4 billion of that increase is”marital capital.” That was the basis for his decision.
The former Mrs. Hamm, a lawyer and economist, actually once worked for Continental in an executive capacity. She left the company in 2008 and, according to MSN, worked from home at times while caring for the couple’s two children.
The couple had no prenuptial agreement. Harold Hamm founded the company in 1967 and married Sue Ann more than 20 years later. He grew from the being the 13th child of sharecroppers to the richest man in Oklahoma.
Additional contribution by Tonya Garcia
Originally published November 11, 2014
Wow! This is some divorce settlement.
A wealthy American businessman was ordered to pay his ex-wife almost $1 billion in a divorce settlement. An Oklahoma County judge ordered oil mogul Harold Hamm to hand over $995.5 million to Sue Ann Hamm following a divorce battle that lasted two years and a trial that lasted two months. But Hamm won’t go broke like Ginuwine. Hamm, who is CEO of shale oil producer Continental Resources, is worth about $14 billion. The settlement equals about 7 percent of his worth.
Continental investors were happy with the judgment as they were worried Hamm would be forced to sell off a huge portion of his 68 percent stake in the company, reports The Financial Times.
A third of the divorce settlement must be paid by the end of the year. After that he has to pay $7 million-per-month installments.
“Sue Ann Hamm has already been awarded around $25 million since the case was filed in 2012, the filing says,” reports Reuters. To make sure Hamm pays his former wife, the judge has placed a lien on 20 million shares of Continental stock, according to court papers.
In a statement to Forbes, Hamm seemed happy it was over. He said:
Today Judge Howard Haralson handed down his ruling in the Hamm v. Hamm divorce case. This has been a long and arduous process and we are appreciative of Judge Harralson and his staff for their dedication and attention to the witnesses and evidence presented. This is a fair and equitable outcome to the case.
When all is said and done, the Hamm divorce could wind up being the most expensive divorce ever. “And so much for early speculation, roiling since papers were filed in 2012, that this divorce could end up being the costliest of all time. For now, that title belongs to Russian ‘Fertilizer King’ Dmitry Rybolovlev, who has been ordered to pay wife Elena $4.5 billion,” reports Forbes.