All Articles Tagged "divorce"
No more hall passes and second chances for Memphitz.
After a five-year marriage that started off good and ended up tumultuous, The Jasmine Brand exclusively reports that Toya Wright is officially calling it quits from husband and music producer Mickey “Memphitz” Wright.
The couple married in June 2011 and have been on a pretty rocky road ever since. Recently, the two appeared on Marriage Boot Camp to mend their failing relationship, but Memphitz’s explosive temper was a clear indicator that their problems ran deeper than any quick reality show could fix.
Toya, who filed the papers on July 8, lists the marriage as “irretrievably broken and there is no hope of reconciliation.” Though the two have been separated for over a year now, that hasn’t stopped the music producer from sharing his love for his ex.
He also posted a meme that gives the impression that he was shocked by Wright’s filing.
A photo posted by Mickey Wright. aka “MeMpHiTz” (@therealmemphitz) on
Still, Memphitz has not responded to the filing outside of Instagram. And in case you were wondering, considering that the prenup (which protects her) is pretty solid, this split shouldn’t get too messy.
by Sharisse Tracey
When I confessed to Bryant that my father abused me as a young teenaged girl, he listened carefully. His head always upright and proud, hung a little as sadness took over his face. I knew he was sorry before the words left his mouth. I said, “It’s okay,” to help ease the pain I sensed he felt. Since that day with my dad, my relationships with all males became damaged though I didn’t know it at the time. I wasn’t used to boys sticking around though Bryant was technically a man at 21 with a used car he’d just bought with winnings from a TV talent show. So, there I was with my first nice guy, a friend, but I had no idea what to do with an admirable man in my life.
Bryant and I hung out a few times, a week at the movies, at restaurants and we’d moved up to giving each other advice on dating. My parents loved him. He was the only guy my father didn’t accuse me of being a whore with. I warned Bryant that my father was a psycho. After he sexually abused me I became more promiscuous. One of his solutions was to nail my bedroom windows shut after he saw one young man exit that way.
“He doesn’t care,” I said, after Bryant expressed a concern of fire safety.
I always wanted a real boyfriend. They were a status symbol. Since Bryant and I decided to be friends, I needed another decent guy. I never had a problem finding men that were interested, just those who would call the next day.
Chris, a formerly shy boy from junior high resurfaced in twelfth grade. He had more confidence, straighter teeth and more muscles than he had in junior high. I decided he would be my boyfriend although he was bad at it, and very good at disappointing me. Chris always cancelled at the last minute, and it didn’t matter what our plans were. After one let down too many, I went to our bathroom medicine cabinet where my father kept his codeine medication. I emptied the bottle ¾ of the way and took the pills back to my room. I forced each pill to the back of my throat tasting the chalky white substance on my tongue. I swallowed. With each pill I felt drowsier. By pill 13 I called Bryant.
“Sharisse, what’s wrong?” Bryant asked hearing the slur in my voice.
“Can you come get me?”
“What did you do?”
He was at my house in minutes.
“What did you do?” he asked, knowing.
“I took some pills?”
“What, over a guy?
“Yes, just take me out of here. We can handle it, please.”
Bryant went out to the living room to tell my parents that he was taking me for ice cream because I wasn’t feeling well. My mother asked if I was okay, and he told her he thought I would be. She knew how headstrong I was and that if I insisted to go, I was going. “Are you okay?” my mom asked, “Just tired Mommy,” I said, with a slight rise of my hand. As soon as we hit our front door, the weight of the drugs took over. Bryant wrapped his arm around me and guided me to his car.
We drove on the 210-freeway from Pasadena to Monrovia, a city we would later live in as husband and wife. He took me to a Catholic hospital but the site of the Virgin Mary outside frightened me. I had issues with God for allowing my father to hurt me. “No, I won’t go in there. We are doing fine let’s just keep driving around,” I said. “They need to pump your stomach, Sharisse.” “No they don’t. It’s working itself out.” Bryant hated not taking me to the hospital but he knew my history and that I wouldn’t go. He kept me awake and talking.
In that same year we found love until a triangle with his ex-girlfriend destroyed our relationship. Months later on my return trip from Hawaii with co-worker friends, he surprised me with a declaration of confirmed love—for only me. In two months we were engaged and in four I married the man who saved my life that night when I was 16. I was 19 at our wedding.
Not realizing the true effect my relationship with my father had on me, I was unprepared to be anyone’s wife. My belief was that a man as good as Bryant could sustain and possibly override my pain. I didn’t trust that a man as good as he would wait for the work I needed to do on myself. I also couldn’t entertain the thought that if Bryant were not the man for me, any other man could be. A teenage wedding made sense. We had a son but separated by his second birthday partly because I was a horrible spouse despite the best of intentions. I didn’t want to be a wife at all. I cheated early in our marriage. We were divorced by our third wedding anniversary.
Co-parenting our son was first priority. Forgiveness eventually came and friendship resurfaced only to became stronger than it had been when we were younger. Years later, Bryant told me about a movie where best friends agreed to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge if they didn’t find love by 30. Not wanting to go that far or pay the expense of a trip to New York City since we were both broke and living in L.A., Bryant and I came up with our own pact. We decided to remarry if we didn’t find love with other partners. With 30 approaching, and both if us loving each other more like brother and sister, we knew a union would only be for companionship. We broke our agreement and decided to remain successful at the one thing we’d sustained for over a decade. Our friendship. He remained happily single and always dating some of the prettiest women I’ve seen.
I loved Bryant more than I loved myself. I didn’t love me at all. By cheating on him, and wanting out of our marriage it saved him from what I couldn’t be saved from. He didn’t deserve the pain I was somehow convinced that I did. The substandard, abusive relationships I ultimately allowed were proof of this. They were most difficult to watch for people who wanted me with Bryant and knew how much he cared about me. Somewhere along the line I learned how to cherish others despite having that same kind of devotion for myself. I never loved myself. I always thought that was someone else’s job so I actively sought out people to love me. My abuse, unfortunately, confirmed feelings I’d had since childhood. The affection from my mother was great but it was the hatred I felt from my father that shaped me. It was that acceptance I was always searching for. Bryant gave me that for a time.
I used to wonder if I was the reason why he had not remarried. I couldn’t live with myself if I’d hurt Bryant so bad. When my guilt got the better of me, I reminded him of how he couldn’t choose between his ex-girlfriend and me for years. “I know, Shay,” he said. This is the nickname he gave me. “It’s not you.” I believed him because I wanted to but a part of me knew it had to be just a little bit true. It’s not because I thought I was that great of a wife, obviously I wasn’t. It was because I know how wonderful a person he was. But Bryant is happy. He’s dated multiple women over the past two decades, some serious, some not. If he wanted to be married, he would be. I would sit proud in the front row of his wedding as he vowed to love the woman who would become the second luckiest in this world. He doesn’t rule marriage out.
I’m remarried now to a dedicated man in the Armed Forces who is a giving father and husband. I feel fortunate to have found two special men in one lifetime. He and Bryant get along very well. Bryant loves all of my children. Our 22-year-old son is lucky to have him as a father and my husband as a stepfather. He’s been like a second dad to my other kids, too. I didn’t know he would be my future ex husband, but Bryant is my male best friend and has seen me through some tough times. My husband is my life’s partner. Between the two of them, my children and I are in good hands. Every woman should be so fortunate to have found a few good men.
Sharisse Tracey is a writer, educator and mother of four. She and her family are currently stationed in Ft. Lewis, Washington where Sharisse is working on her memoir.
In case you hadn’t heard, Dwyane Wade announced earlier this month that he would leave the Miami Heat to join the Chicago Bulls as part of a two-year deal worth a whopping $47.5 million. And while we’re sure he’s excited about the opportunity to return to his hometown to play, no one is probably more thrilled about this news than his ex-wife, Siovaughn Funches. Let Chicago’s WGN break down this possible come-up for both parties:
Wade’s ex-wife reportedly said she wants to re-open her divorce settlement with her fellow Robbins, Ill., native.
According to the Chicago Tribune, Siohvaughn Funches asked a judge to throw out her settlement agreement with Wade, and give her a larger portion of his basketball earnings, including part of his new contract.
Funches is suing her former divorce lawyer, Brian Hurst, for malpractice, alleging he agreed to the deal with Wade without her knowledge, the Tribune reports.
Hurst denied the claims to the Tribune on Thursday. On Friday Judge Martin Agran threw out her lawsuit. But he did offer her the chance to file an amended lawsuit, and Funches’s new lawyer, Thomas Gooch, says she “absolutely” intends to do so.
The former couple, who were high school sweethearts, married in 2002 and divorced officially in 2010 after years of ugly fighting in court. Wade initially filed for divorce in 2007. They have two children together and she was with him when he won his first championship title with the Heat in 2006. It made sense that when he decided to move on, she would want something to help her adjust to the major change in financial status, and so, in 2013, she was awarded $5 million in their initial divorce settlement. And yet, now that he’s received one of his largest contracts, she wants more. Knowing what she’s said that she’s gone through and their history, does she deserve it?
When I read about her hope to reopen the contentious divorce settlement process, I could only think about a conversation I had with a lawyer I met at a friend’s brunch this past weekend. He was anti-marriage, and when I asked why, aside from not feeling the concept of monogamy, he also wasn’t happy about how ugly he has seen things play out in divorce proceedings. His specific issue?
“Why should a woman get access to what I’ve worked hard for when it’s over?”
He would go on a long spiel with questions like, “What if she cheated?” “What if I marry someone else? How does it look I’m still paying another woman’s way?” and “If she files and wants to leave me, why should she still have access to my money?” I would go on to try and explain to him that I do think some women are owed financial support. For instance, a woman like my mother. Granted, my parents are still together, but if she were to leave, she would be someone who deserved alimony for her many years of sacrifice. You see, she worked hard in the early days of my parents’ marriage, doing so while my dad tried to get the education necessary to be in his desired field. She would provide him with loans, as well as the family as a whole with the benefits and the money necessary until he started moving up the ranks. After having their third child together, she would stop working after struggling to balance a 9-to-5 job in the city of Chicago before running home to play, feed, answer homework questions for and put to sleep her kids. She had one more child with my father (me) after the fact, and hasn’t worked a full-time job since. That was nearly 30 years ago. He went on to be very successful and we, with my mother’s early contributions, finally were able to live comfortably.
As I told the lawyer, and as I truly believe, women, natural nurturers, are always helping the men in their lives. This is often true even if they’re not in the office with these men making business deals, coming up with the ideas that make millions, or as Drake tried to say when Vanessa Bryant was tempted to walk away from her marriage to Kobe with multiple homes and millions, “with me shooting in the gym.” But they are there holding things down, providing meals, comfort, stroking egos, raising children and offering everyone a secure home and home life to return to at the end of the day. As Vanessa perfectly put it in response to the rapper, “I don’t need to be in the gym. I’m raising our daughters, signing checks and taking care of everything else that pertains to our home life.”
And we all know that women aren’t alone in receiving alimony. According to Reuters, with many women becoming the breadwinners in their homes these days, more and more women are paying alimony, too. The contributions of the person at home aren’t lessened because they don’t result in the financial success.
But just how long does a person need to fund the dreams and lifestyle of someone else? How much money will it take for Funches to feel rightfully compensated for her support during their relationship, which ended nearly a decade ago? When are you owed for the success you helped to bring about, and when are you just looking to live off of someone else instead of getting back to work like the rest of us do every day?
It’s quite the complicated conversation. But based on the fact that it keeps coming up, one can’t help but wonder.
Some men have to grow on you. Sometimes you meet a guy who is a little rough around the edges, but underneath a few shenanigans and weird habits, there is a diamond in the rough. But other times, all you find underneath a few rough edges are more rough edges. And even though he’s adorable, or the sexual chemistry is right, everything else is just wrong.
If you’re dating a guy who’s giving you these red flags about himself, chances are the relationship is headed right toward a slow dance on your last nerve. It’s only natural to be tempted to want to make it work. He’s a nice guy, you say. And sometimes something that looks wrong manages to turn out right after all.
But when things are this wrong in the beginning, it’s hard to ignore the feeling that these personality quirks and deja vu moments are going to turn into things that you can’t stand.
Speaking of divorce, a new study says that women are much better at bouncing back after ending a marriage than their male counterparts.
According to a national survey conducted by Avvo, 73 percent of divorced women say that they ended their marriages with no regrets, while only 61 percent of divorced men could say the same. This same study revealed that most women prefer to be happy, alone, and successful as opposed to being miserable in a failing marriage.
Sociologist and sexologist Dr. Pepper Schwartz reasons that men are often fearful of being on their own after living as a married person for so long.
“Men are more fearful of being on their own once they’ve been domesticated by their marriage, and even though men are more likely to think that marriage is an outdated institution on principle – they’re more likely to want to stay put even if things aren’t so great,” observed Schwartz. “Women, on the other hand, prize happiness over marriage, and are less fearful of independence generally. Whatever the underlying reasons, both partners have a role in a relationship not working, women included – even if that means as a partner, making more mistakes that you care to admit, or even choosing the wrong partner.”
Interestingly, the study also found that women are less likely to own up to their mistakes when the marriage is over. When asked who was to blame for the marriage ending, 64 percent of women blamed their spouses while only 44 percent of men said the same. When asked if both parties should share the blame, 42 percent of men and 29 percent of women said yes.
“As the saying goes, it takes two to tango and two to ruin a relationship, but women are less likely to take their share of the blame,” Schwartz said. “Gender roles and traditional stereotypes of domestic partnerships absolutely play a role here. It might be that women believe that self-blame is not empowering, and men may feel as though it’s not masculine to blame their wives.”
Deciding that you want out of a marriage is the first step of many on the road to divorce. Divorce is a delicate dance, so before you pull the trigger and actually file, there are measures you should take to stack the odds in your favor and to help ensure the best possible outcome for you and your family.
First and foremost, be certain that this is actually what you want. Divorce can be a long and grueling process. The last thing that you want to do is dive into the deep only to realize that you’ve made a mistake.
Hire a trusted attorney
If you’re certain that you desire to end things, the next step is to hire a trusted attorney. It might be tempting to jumping at the first lawyer you meet with because you just want to get the process rolling, but hiring the wrong representation will leave you with more than a few regrets. Do your research and ask the right questions.
“Divorce is difficult enough. Working with a lawyer you don’t trust will only make it worse. You know, hindsight is always 20/20 and one of the worst things you can do is go through it with regret because you chose the wrong representation,” says attorney Michelle C. Thomas of M.C. Thomas and Associates. “Do your research, ask for referrals, visit the attorneys’ website and read testimonials before the consultation so you know the right questions to ask to determine if the attorney is a good fit for you.”
According to Thomas, one good sign that an attorney is a good fit is that they’ve answered all of your questions completely and thoughtfully.
“The attorney is a good fit if you leave feeling like all of your questions have been answered. It’s important to be fully informed about the legal process so that you can make educated decisions during your case. Nothing matters more than your family. No lawyer should make a prospective client feel uncomfortable asking questions,” she explains.
Also, you should make sure that the attorney is experienced in divorce and family court proceedings.
“Practically speaking, you should make sure that the attorney’s primary practice area is in the area that you need. Consider asking, ‘How much of your practice is devoted to divorce, or child custody, or complex litigation?’ Because my firm focuses on divorce and family law everyday, we are more likely to be conversant in the nuances and frequent changes within the law.”
And finally, trust your intuition. If something doesn’t feel right, continue to shop around.
Collect important paperwork
Preparation will take you a long way, so it’s recommended that you do the necessary footwork to gather required paperwork that will help your divorce proceeding move along a little more smoothly.
“At my divorce law firm, we send prospective clients a Divorce Checklist or Custody Checklist immediately following the scheduling of a consultation so that the client comes to the meeting prepared. Financial records, tax returns, deeds and mortgage statements are a few examples of paperwork that should be gathered in advance of the first meeting.”
If you’re ending your marriage because of infidelity on your partner’s behalf, this may also mean gathering evidence.
“Now, this is a big one; infidelity can play out in so many different ways during divorce. In fault based jurisdictions such as Virginia or Maryland, proving infidelity can affect whether a spouse is barred from receiving spousal support, and can affect the distribution of property. The type of evidence needed to prove infidelity varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction,” explains Thomas.
“Sadly, society has progressed to a place where infidelity no longer shocks the conscience. However, if significant marital assets have been wasted on an extramarital affair, then the wronged spouse may be entitled to get some of that money back.”
Establish living arrangements
Where will you live while going through the divorce? Will you and your soon-to-be-ex live under the same roof until things are final? Do you have a backup plan in place if he or she refuses to leave? While you may not be able to predict how your spouse will react after being served with divorce papers, you can help yourself by having an exit strategy in place should things get ugly.
Figure out your ideal custodial situation
There’s no guarantee that things will turn out exactly how you want them to; however, it helps to go into this knowing what you want in terms of custody.
“It’s almost always helpful if a temporary agreement can be reached regarding timesharing arrangements for the children prior to initiating the divorce process,” says Thomas.
You should also make provisions for where your children will be at the time your spouse is served.
“Of course, make sure the children will be safe when your spouse is served. If it is likely that the spouse will become enraged upon being served, then make sure the children are not present at that time.”
Choosing to end a marriage is a huge and likely scary decision, but the right attorney should make the process as painless as possible.
“No matter what the issues, what’s most important is that you seek competent legal counsel as early in the process as possible to avoid regretting major decisions down the road,” says Thomas.
To me, the seven-year itch has always been a silly concept used to discourage people from getting married; however, new research suggests that this is actually a thing. In case you’re in the dark, the seven-year itch is a psychological term used to describe a decline in marital satisfaction around the seven-year mark.
According to the Daily Mail, a recent study out of Cambridge University suggests that couples are actually more likely to divorce after year seven. Cambridge University statistics professor Sir David Spiegelhalter also notes that if a couple survives the seventh year of marriage, the likelihood of divorce declines each year after that.
“Seven years is the peak risk time for divorce during a marriage,” said Sir David.
He went on to say that while some may expect the likelihood of divorce to increase again later in the relationship, there’s no evidence to support this theory.
“[The risk of divorce] just steadily declines as we get used to each other. It’s a four-star statistic, the seven-year itch.”
Of course, you know your marriage better than anyone, so there’s nothing that a study can really tell you about your relationship that you probably don’t already know. However, the results of this study raise an interesting question: What is it about year seven that makes staying together so difficult?
Amber Rose and Wiz Khalifa have finally reached a divorce settlement nearly two years after the model and socialite filed to end their marriage.
According to TMZ, under their prenup, Amber will walk away from the marriage with $1 million. Wiz has already paid $356, 000, so he currently owes her an additonal $644,00. As for child support for their 3-year-old son, Sebastian, Wiz has agreed to pay Amber $14, 800 per month. The two will share legal and physical custody of the tot.
What’s even better is that although the two separated under rocky terms —Amber reportedly caught Wiz cheating — it appears that they have made peace with one another. Monday night, the exes were spotted celebrating the settlement together at a strip club — and they both appeared very happy.
While it’s unfortunate that their marriage has come to an end, it’s refreshing to see that these two are still able to maintain a friendship, which will likely translate into an awesome co-parenting relationship.
Check out our newest series Curls Run The World featuring YouTuber Yolanda Renee:
If you want out of your marriage but can’t quite afford to do so, you just might be able to get some help with that.
Sara and Josh Margulis, the creators of Honeyfund — a crowdsourcing platform, which allows couples to raise money for their upcoming honeymoons — recently introduced a “Divorce Registry” section to their parent site, Plumfund. In many cases, divorce means moving out and splitting up belongings, but not to worry, the Margulises have got you covered there too. In addition to raising money for things like legal fees, the Divorce Registry also allows soon-to-be-divorcés to solicit gifts from loved ones as well.
“Plumfund allows loved ones to support a friend going through a divorce—one of life’s biggest changes. Divorces can involve costly legal fees, setting up new households, even unexpected costs when the divorce is contested,” the website explains. “It’s simple: Create a gift registry or divorce fund, spread the word, and your friend will soon have badly needed support in the form of divorce gifts. Register for specific items with a Plumfund wish list, or simply pool cash donations. Gifts are free of charge with offline payments, or online at a very low cost.”
Apparently, the couple recently received advice from HuffPost founder Arianna Huffington to add a divorce registry to website’s list of offerings and decided to act on it.
“Because of my own experience, I loved the idea,” Sara told HuffPost. “I had a friend going through a long, drawn-out divorce and I had set up a Plumfund for her where friends and family could offer financial support. The friend was very grateful for the support.”
Considering how pricey ending a marriage can be, this really isn’t a bad idea; however, it’s likely that many won’t feel comfortable using crowdsourcing for a process as personal as divorce.
What are your thoughts on utilizing a platform like Plumfund to finance a divorce?