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A few weeks ago I was riding the train on my way to work, and I overheard a conversation between two young ladies that was interesting, but slightly disturbing. The two teenagers were discussing their relationships and one of them was saying how many ex-boyfriends she had, and that she didn’t want another relationship at this time in her life because she didn’t want to have sex with anyone else at this point in her life because she felt that she had been with too many people already. As their conversation continued, I tuned them out and started thinking how sad it was for this young lady to believe that she could not be involved in a relationship without having sex. I also started thinking about how many adult women and men feel the same way, which led me to ask, is sex a requirement in relationships? And is it a necessity to have sex in order for a relationship to be productive?

I ask these questions because I know a number of men and women who believe that a relationship can work without having sex, but it won’t reach its full potential.  I also know that many women in some relationships feel pressured to have sex while in a relationship because they feel if they don’t have sex with their mate, then he will have sex with someone else. And some men believe that a relationship can’t be good without having sex. Many people would say, yes, it is necessary to have sex in a relationship, and many would say that it isn’t. Some people believe that having sex in a relationship allows them to express themselves. They see sex as a form of giving themselves totally to their mate through love making.  Many people also view sex as a relationship deal ‘maker’ or ‘breaker.’ Sex can often be viewed as a relationship deal maker or breaker because if the sexual experience is good, that can often seal the deal for being in a relationship and being happy; but if the sexual experience is not what was expected, then that can kill the possibility of a relationship because many people do not want to be in or remain in a relationship where they aren’t sexually satisfied or sexually compatible with someone.

On the other hand, many people would say that sex is not a requirement for a prosperous relationship. Why? Because they may feel as though sex is a distraction from getting to know someone on a deeper level outside of being physical, or they want to focus on building the relationship on a more profound level and they believe that you cannot build a relationship based on sexual gratification. But what is sex really? What is the purpose for engaging in intercourse? Most people believe that sex is a physical experience that focuses on gratifying the physical nature of our being that should be acted upon whenever an urge arises. However, sex is a selfless act designed to begin and create a new bond/covenant between two people. It is a selfless act with the purpose of pleasing one’s husband or wife, and to give yourself totally to them in mind, body and spirit. Many people view sex simply as a physical act of gratification to satisfy their physical needs for whatever reason, and that is why it seems as though sex is a requirement in most relationships when it should not be.

Sex is a sacred act that should be shared and honored between husband and wife and should not be a requirement in a relationship that may or may not lead to marriage. I know many of you may be thinking that there are benefits to having sex before marriage or engaging in sex with someone you’re involved with, but have you ever thought about the benefits of waiting, or even thought about the true purpose of sex? Everyone has their individual expectations for relationships and expect for those expectations to be met, but I believe that the “sexpectation” should be an expectation that should be left behind. You can miss out on a great relationship and a great person because your judgment is clouded with your expectations of good sex being met or not being met, and the purpose of a relationship is to get to know someone for who they are face to face, soul to soul, and not on one’s back. What are your “sexpectations” in relationships? Does physical gratification lead your relationships? Who expects sex in a relationship more, men or women?

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin

AP Photo/The Sacramento Bee, Randall Benton

Black Friday and holiday sales are behind us, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t still bargains to be had. Savvy shoppers know not to overlook the month of January. There are a few pricey items that wait until the beginning of the year to go on sale. Treat yourself to something special without breaking your budgeting resolutions.

Source: carltonjordan.com

If you were tired of talking about the possibility of a biopic on Whitney Houston’s life, there’s now something new to talk about: There’s going to be a memoir on her life  and it will be written by her mother. Cissy Houston will go in depth about the joys and pain of her daughter’s life in a detailed memoir that will be distributed by HarperCollins and will be available next February. In a statement released via HarperCollins, momma Cissy says she hopes, in doing the book, that she can leave a little bit of Whitney with her fans and give folks a better understanding of her life:

“When I lost my daughter Nippy (Whitney Houston’s nickname), the world lost one of the most beautiful voices and an extraordinarily beautiful and charitable woman. In sharing our story in this book, I hope to give her fans something to treasure, the way we all treasured Whitney. We are still receiving thousands of letters each day from her fans, and I hope reading this book will provide a deeper understanding into my daughter’s true story.”

According to NY Daily News, a portion of the proceeds from the book will be given to New Hope Baptist Church in Newark, N.J. where Whitney’s voice first was able to have a stage. This is also where people got to see their last glimpse of the star during her funeral. Reports say that Houston will receive seven figures through the book deal. Cissy is slated to discuss everything that went on with Whitney, including her drug addiction, troubled marriage to Bobby Brown, her iconic career, and her own grief from losing her daughter. According to HarperCollins, “Ultimately, Cissy will go behind the headlines to show the true, human side of this strong, successful yet complicated musical icon, capturing the dramatic depths and soaring range of an extraordinary woman, along with the pain and heartbreak of a grieving mother as she struggles with impossible loss.”

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