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From YourTango

Our culture promotes sex everywhere from magazine covers to product advertisements. When sex sells, it sets us up to objectify ourselves and others. When we objectify someone, we really don’t see the other person. We lose out on the most intimate loving parts of a relationship and we look to magazines, books and blogs to help us get the relationship we’ve always wanted. What we fail to realize is that the best person to consult about our beauty is ourselves.

When a person owns her innermost self — and is happy with who she is — she projects a beauty radiating with confidence. People naturally are drawn to those who make them feel good. Healthy sexuality and intimacy is about having the courage to love and be loved in return. Here are some ways in which people benefit from sex:

Having a healthy attitude about your sexuality promotes beauty from within. Experts say, “a sexually healthy person is someone who feels comfortable with his or her sexuality.” This means, a person doesn’t view s*x as something naughty, bad, improper or sinful and can engage in it without feeling guilty or anxious. When you’re comfortable with who you are on the inside, your attractiveness is infectious on the outside. Others want to be around you and have what you have.

Read more at YourTango.com

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From Essence

I never believe anyone who says, “I don’t have a jealous bone in my body.” Everyone has experienced some form of jealousy in life, whether it is amongst siblings, friends or even successful people we don’t know. Experiencing jealousy, however, does not make you a jealous person.

My sister-friend has been dating a guy for two months and it has been going great. So much so, she was pretty sure she was ready to take it to the next level with him. Two weeks ago, we were having lunch and she was constantly wondering what he was doing while he was out of town. If he took too long to return a text, she’d repeatedly check her messages and then ultimately send new text messages until he responded.

Four days ago, the guy suggested that they take a break after he caught her going through his phone following a night out where she’d questioned him about every woman to whom he spoke. Infidelity in my sister-friend’s past relationships was one part of the reason she was acting this way. The larger issue was that her insecurities were running rampant and because she really liked this guy she was afraid of losing him. Ironically, her own jealous actions lost him faster than another woman ever could.

Read more at Essence.com

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The dating world can be unpredictable, to say the least! Sometimes there is no telling who you will hit it off with and who you won’t. This means that you may end up dating an older man, without intentionally doing it. If you’re in a relationship with an older guy, there are some definite do’s and don’ts as well as some advice you’ll want to know. Here are 14 tips if you are dating an older man.

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Most of us have been there. We break up with a man and vow never to speak to him again. But in the back of your mind you silently hope that he still wants you. And proves this fact by trying to get in touch with you. That may be what you want to happen; but it’s not going the way you planned it. Homeboy has not reached out. You’re wondering if he still cares, if there’s a chance you can make it work etc. So what do you do? You call him. We asked our Facebook followers if this story sounded familiar to them. This is what they had to say.

Tia: Yes I have.. No regrets but I should have kept my word to myself

Lina: Yes but I came to my senses and left him alone but still love him

Damita: I ended up regretting it because he has issues he has to fix on his own. Plus, I found out he had a hidden addiction! #OnlyGodCanFixHim!;(( very sad sight!

Brenda: I didn’t go back 2 him but I slept with him & I felt so dirty so NEVER EVER AGAIN.

Myisha: Just reached out to my deadbeat baby daddy today. Smh, why!? I don’t know. Got me nowhere!

Nita: Yep called him today. Picked back up like we never left off. Can’t help who your heart loves.

Alicia: Yes I have and no regrets. He is my husband now and we are happy together.

Tezra: Yes I did. I explained I just wanted to be friends but he couldn’t respect that so I cut the cord. Never again I told him that I should have stayed away but my heart wasn’t clear but when I expressed my feelings I ended it forever.

Monique: I have someone now I would like to call but.. .it’s not going to happen. I learned my lesson. But I miss the person I fell for…not the person he proved himself to be.

Samantha: Yup. a few years ago I was in a verbally abusive relationship & broke up with him. Thought I made a mistake, then reached out to him and made up with him. The relationship got worse & almost became physically abusive then I ended it for good. I can’t say that I regret it because if I never had that experience I wouldn’t be able to recognize red flags in future dating situations. Besides when Mr. Right does come along, I’ll be that much more grateful for him!

Jasmine: Yes. Can’t help what the heart wants but our only issue is we were too intense to be so young and it didn’t work. Sure, at least once a week I am shaking my head at him but we love each other, are great friends and find it hard to be away from each other too long.

Jacqueline: Yes…when I did let him come over after 13 months of being apart, he got drunk and peed on my floor….

Aj: Nope, I’m like Rosa Parks….I refuse to go back

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Can money buy love? Well, according to a new study by WhatsYourPrice.com, how much a man spends on the first date can determine the length of the relationship. The study found that American men who as much as $240 on first date versus the national average of $80 were 23 percent more likely to land in a serious relationship.

WhatsYourPrice.com conducted the study over a two-year period and looked at 1,000 American men who were all members of the dating website. “The amount a man spends on a first date indicates his level of sincerity towards building a serious/lasting relationship,” says Brandon Wade, founder and CEO of WhatsYourPrice.com,  a site where dates are auctioned off to the highest bidder. “That is not to say that men should always spend the same amount as they did for the first date. However, to leave a good impression, men need to do, what I call, ‘The Peacock Dance’ to show they are good providers and therefore viable mates.”

The survey might be on to something. As we reported not long ago, many women–and men–are asking potential dates for their credit rating. So it stands to reason, that big spenders on the first date might have a better shot.

The study found:

• Men who spent below $80 were more likely to be promiscuous than men who spent more.
• On average a mere 15% of men in the study claimed on average they spent $240 or over on a first date, while  39% stuck to the national average of $80.
• Of the men who spent $160, 56% were in a serious relationship within three months.
• Of the men who spent $80, 45% were in a serious relationship within three months.

Does it matter to you what a man spends on the first date?

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From HelloBeautiful

I promise you. He is not intimidated by you because you are an independent woman. Yes, you are holding your own in the workplace, making your own money, paying your own rent or mortgage and even buying your own bags and shoes, but I PROMISE, he is not intimidated by that.

It’s something else, and it’s more than likely your failure to turn off that bulldog that has gotten you so far in your career when all a man desires is your beautiful smile and womanly presence. I know this, because I have said a man was intimidated by my being an attorney and I have been proven wrong!

In my first year in law school, one of my female professors shared with us how her husband had to talk her off the ledge of being over-the-top with her family. She stated that as a litigator by trade, she would come home and find herself cross examining her three year old about peanut butter and holding depositions with her husband about the most miniscule details in carpooling. She also shared that it was not helping out in her marriage and/or family life and she had to learn how to scale it down for the sake of her family.

Read more at HelloBeautiful.com

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Long have people stopped and paused in wonder at the bland, medium-build, partially balding man walking down the street hand-in-hand with the woman who should be on the cover of a magazine. The usual thoughts cross our minds, he must be rich, he must be powerful, and sometimes, that’s true. But men of totally average positions in life — financially and otherwise — regularly land gorgeous women. Here’s how.

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From YourTango

There are over two million marriages in the United States and if you are considering joining that number, be sure you know what you’re getting into.  Before you pop the question to your beautiful bride (or groom) to be, you may consider all the things that make you smile – great sex, same taste in food, spontaneous personality – but  you also need to look further down the road.  Here are 3 questions to ask before you ask the biggest question of your life:

Are we having kids, and if so, when?  Believe it or not, the decisions of whether and when to have children can be deal breakers.  So while you may not think it’s a big deal to wait another ten years to have a child, your future spouse may have other plans in mind.  Don’t allow yourself to be in the kind of marriage where your spouse’s gynecologist knows more about her plans to have children then you do.  Raise this conversation before you get married in order to make sure you are on the same page and avoid future disagreements.

Read more at YourTango.com

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From The Grio 

Rapper and actress Eve recently made headlines for her comments about wanting her future children with her Caucasian boyfriend Maximillion Cooper to be raised “colorblind,” which were met with some criticism from fans and critics online. “I don’t want them to see color. I never did,” said 34-year-old Philly native said in an interview with Vibe Vixen. “I grew up in the hood and my mother was very good at it not being a black thing, even though I grew up around all black people. I want them to want to know everything about all kinds of races.”

The emcee, whose new album Lip Lock is in stores now, clarified her “colorblind” statement in a video interview with theGrio, saying she’s surprised that the topic of interracial dating is even relevant to the public anymore.

Read more at TheGrio.com.

People tend to underestimate their children, and how close their children are watching them.  During one of my daughter’s speech therapy lessons, they gave her a fake cell phone, to see if she knew what to do with it.  She immediately put the phone up to her ear, placed her hand on her hip and said:  ”Hey!”  That rocked my world, because even though my daughter hasn’t started saying complete sentences yet, I didn’t realize how closely she was watching me.  That caused me make a drastic decision in my life.

Do you remember when you were in elementary school, or even with your own parents/caregivers, and you were allowed certain liberties, but the moment you seemed to abuse the privilege it was taken away?  My mother was big on doing that, even slamming the door in friends’ faces when they came to ask if I could come out to play.  ”No, Kendra cannot come out to play until she learns her lesson.”  I decided to channel this mindset  after I stayed with a man who was hitting me.  I took away my dating privileges.

I don’t have a large background in dating; and I know that not all men are jerks, but I do know that there is something that I’m doing that is wrong.  For the men that I have dated, two relationships really stand out to me, because both of those relationships turned abusive.  One was emotionally abusive, with my then mate isolating me, belittling me, taunting me until I began to think horribly about myself.  The second one was physically abusive.

What people don’t understand about abusive relationships is that they never start out as abusive, and (at least for me) I could always make an excuse for why it was happening.  The guy I was with at that time drank a lot, and smoked a lot of weed.  I don’t really drink that much and I don’t smoke.  The abuse wasn’t something that happened everyday.  Within the year and a half that we were together, I was physically abused about four times.  With the first three times he would always say the next morning:  ”That’s not me, I was drunk and/or high.  You know I’m not like that when I’m sober.”  So, I stayed, because when he was good, we were really good.  It wasn’t until the last time he hit me, he was stone cold sober.  In fact, it was the reason why he hit me.  He was upset that he couldn’t get his drink or weed, so he took it out on me.  After that altercation, I immediately packed my things and moved away; never saying goodbye, never acknowledging him again.

Once I met the guy that I married, I began to think that maybe this one will work, but as anyone who is familiar with my writings, we all see how that turned out.

My family will occasionally ask me about potentially dating, or marrying in the future; but honestly, I’m still healing from everything that I’ve been through.  But, once I saw my daughter imitate me talking on the phone, I knew that I had taken advantage of my liberties and had to have a massive time out.

One thing that dating has taught me is that I don’t know what the crap I’m doing.  It would be easy to put all the blame on the men that I’ve dated, but I know that there’s something that I’m doing wrong to attract these types of men, because I’m the only thing they have in common.  Even when talking to an ex a while ago, needing answers, closure, to why he hurt me, his answer was:  ”I was attracted to your joy and your confidence, and I wanted to see if I could break it.”  

That’s a scary thought, to see that there are people who seek out others as a challenge to see how long it’ll be before they can hurt them, but it’s reality.  You watch enough episodes of “Snapped” and “I Survived…” and you get confirmations of that.

One thing that being a parent taught me was that my life is no longer mine.  I don’t have the luxury of messing up and choosing the wrong person to have in my life, because they are also in my child’s life.  Best case scenario, if I pick an abusive guy again, my daughter will see her mother get abused and think that that type of behavior is normal.  Worst case scenario, the person I’m with begins to hurt her.  Neither one of those options, or any of the possible in between ones are viable for me.  So until I get some counseling, to help me see these red flags, I’m in self-imposed time-out when it comes to dating.

I’ve learned to NEVER say never about anything.  So, I’m not declaring that I will never date again, but until I get it right, my dating privileges have been taken away.  Kendra cannot come out to play until she has learned her lesson.  *Slams door.*