All Articles Tagged "dating"
As the saying goes, men are from Mars and women are from Venus, and it couldn’t be more true when it comes to regrets both genders have about their sex lives.
In a recent study conducted by the University of Texas and University of California-Los Angeles, researchers set out to prove that regret is part of the evolutionary process when it comes hooking up, and its findings were pretty interesting.
While men most often think they should’ve slept with more people or been more sexually adventurous, women most often regrettedhaving sex with the wrong partner.
The main regrets for women also included losing their virginity to the wrong partner, cheating and moving too fast.
“The consequences of casual sex were so much higher for women than for men, and this is likely to have shaped emotional reactions to sexual liaisons even today,” said Martie Haselton, a UCLA social psychology professor who worked on the project.
We polled women of all ages to find out their biggest I-really-wish-I-hadn’t moments when it comes to their sex life, past and present.
“Having sex with my boss. I had to work with him for six months after, co-workers gossiped and it was just awkward.” -Elizabeth, 24
“My biggest sexual regret was falling for a gigolo. He was a personal trainer and would date older women who bought him things. He didn’t consider it cheating.” - Sam, 36
“I regret having a boyfriend the first two years of college because clearly it didn’t work out, and I could’ve been having more fun those years.”- Monica, 23
Read more at YourTango.com
From Jet Magazine
A significant proportion of unhealthy relationships are the result of the failure to differentiate between a man, who is merely an adult male, and a Grown man. Sadly, too many men were never taught how to be Grown (or worse, had role models who taught them anything but Grown manhood), and too many women don’t know one when they see or meet one—or are too willing to settle for less, at least as a “placeholder.”
One result is that many women fail to set a healthy, self-loving standard for relationships, instead accepting the best of the men available to them and trying to motivate, bribe, guilt or coerce them (using sex, affection, money and even procreation) into Grown manhood. The theory: If I love him right (or enough, or however he wants it, or more than anyone else has or can), then I can change him into the man he was meant/I want him/I need him to be.
The reality: You can’t. Living in the Grown Zone means recognizing that it is not your responsibility, nor is it within your power, to change, fix or control the behavior of another person with your love. (And if you’re counting on sex, even if you can put it on him better than anyone else can, that will not change established habits; it can only reward existing—including unwanted—behavior. Sex is a form of approval, not correction.)
A man who is not Grown can’t change for you. And a man who is Grown will only change for himself, out of a commitment to his own personal growth and who he chooses to be, not who you want him to be. By the way, attempting to manipulate a Grown man will result in his distrust, resentment and, ultimately rejection of you. So forget what you may have been taught, by your girlfriends, movies, books and even your mother, about using sex, money or emotional blackmail to get, keep and control a good man.
So rather than trying to take a “piece of man” and somehow make a whole one out of him, better to learn to differentiate between a Grown man and merely an adult male right from jump, before you even consider relationship options. First, take your time. How much time? As much time as it takes. Until you confirm that a man is a Grown man, it’s best, as an act of self-love, to assume he’s not. (And if you can’t stand to wait, that’s a sign that you still have some personal growth work to do.)
At first glance, there is little apparent difference between a man (merely an adult male) and a Grown man. Don’t go by appearances; go by behavior over time (before you give access to your body, money, heart or home), during which you should be both observing and investigating his character, habits and track record. This is not an all-inclusive, exhaustive list, but he’s not Grown if:
Check out the signs on JetMag.com
Holidays, birthdays, trips and “just because” gifts…who knew falling in love would be so expensive? Budgeting for a boo is crucial especially during the holiday season. Here are a few things to keep in mind so you don’t go broke for love this year!
Part of Speech: Verb
Over the Thanksgiving holidays Karrueche Tran posted the following pic of her visiting her boyfriend, Chris Brown, in rehab.
I like Karrueche Tran. She’s cute. She’s supportive. She has a unique sense of style. She’s humble…the list goes on. But, let’s face it. When most people think of Karrueche, they think of Chris Brown. And you know what most people think about when the words Chris Breezy are uttered… (and I’m not talking about positive words pertaining to his musical talents or superb performance skills.)
Though everyone has the right to have a personal life—one that is free from public criticism of their romantic relationships and the like— celebrities, in particular, have a hard time keeping their relationships out of the public eye. Everybody (and their mama) feels as if they need to know who their favorite celebrity is dating (or doing) ,when and why! Some celebrities share this information freely while others, like Kerry Washington, run off to Idaho and get married on the low without telling a soul.
So what’s a girl to do with Chris Brown as her boyfriend? Ever since his 2009 pre- Grammys domestic dispute with Rihanna, Chris has been on the relationship watch radar. So when he started getting pretty public about his budding relationship with Karrueche, people were just waiting for something to happen. A few years later, and after much public speculation about him getting back with Rih-Rih, he publicly admitted to possibly being in love with the two women at the same time.
For anyone in love, hearing that your significant other believes he loves you and his ex could be a big blow.
Chris Brown would probably argue that he was just “expressing his emotions” so I wasn’t that surprised when he dumped (or did he?) Karrueche and went back to Rih-Rih for a bit.
But…the Rihanna episode was just that— an episode. In no time, the two parted ways and Chris Brown went right on back to his boo- thang Karrueche.
While I personally don’t really care about their relationship, I do think that it brings up some interesting notions of what it means to be in a relationship in the public view. In many ways, you could very much be publicly humiliated in the blink of an eye besides the drama and gossip of being a celebrity.
While I don’t think Karrueche got as much flack as Rihanna did for returning to Chris because their parting didn’t involve a domestic dispute, I do wonder the following:
1. If the situation were flipped, would Chris Brown have been so open to reconciliation?
2. How would the public react?
3. Is Karrueche seen as “weak” for her decision to return? If so, why?
I’m not shaming any woman on who she decides to date or why. Heck, we all have our shares of relantionship blunders and WTH moments. In many ways, young relantionships are all about experimentation, trial and error, and finding oneself.
Nevertheless, I don’t think anyone would want to be Karrueched, but ish happens. Every experience is a learning experience.
Love is a powerful drug.
So they say.
Can you relate to Chris Brown and Karrueche’s relationship? What can we learn from the two?
Even if you don’t want to face it, even if you’ve already decided that your partner is perfect for X, Y and Z reasons, your body will not let you deny the truth: some matches aren’t meant to be. When you’re with the wrong person, the strain that takes on you emotionally will start to rear its head physically. Here are 14 ways your body is telling you you’re with the wrong partner.
Women need to socialize to survive — it’s a part of our chemical wiring — and of course socializing often means sharing. But some things are not yours to share. If you’re in a relationship, and catching up with good friends, keep these points about your partner to yourself.
Your son procrastinates. Your neighbors let their lawn grow too tall. Your husband forgets what you tell him. Your mother tells you how to raise your children. Ugh: which of those scenarios annoys you most? How do you react when it arises? Do you criticize the people involved, hoping your sarcastic comments will change their behavior? Here’s a secret: more than likely all the criticism in the world won’t change another person’s behavior. Want better results? Instead, try using this simple C.H.A.N.G.E. Method.
Let’s use the neighbor who waits too long before mowing the lawn as an example. While you read this scenario, imagine using this method for whatever pushes your criticism buttons.
Change your opinion of the bad behavior. Is this really your problem? The neighbor’s yard may be overgrown and unattractive, but it is not a reflection on your own meticulous care of your lawn. If the image of an unsightly lawn bothers you, put up a fence or a hedgerow. Drive to your house from the opposite direction so you don’t have to see the lawn that needs to be mown. Or quite simply, consider that this is not your problem and get on with your life!
Honor the person over the behavior. Maybe the neighbor has been sick and is unable to tend to his lawn. Maybe he has other worries that take him away from the lawnmower duties. You can’t possibly know why your neighbor’s lawn is unkempt unless you go over and talk, and merely telling your neighbor that his lawn is unsightly will only annoy him. However, offering to help your neighbor mow the lawn will show him that you care. Bring over a cake or a casserole to help him through a difficult time in addition to offering to mow the lawn. Or send your teenage son over to offer the services. Chances are, your neighbor will pay your child to do the job and in that case, everyone wins!
Accept the behavior you cannot change. Acceptance is a huge part of peace. If your neighbor doesn’t want your help, if he doesn’t see the same problem you see, or if he flatly refuses to mow his lawn more than once a month, then accept that this is his way of living. At least you’ll have an attractive lawn to look at next door during the few days immediately after he mows!
Notice the good behavior before the bad. The theory of leaving well enough alone does not work when you’re trying to change someone’s behavior. You’ll need to verbally reward your neighbor immediately after he mows the lawn with a comment something like this: “Wow! Your yard looks so much bigger today.” Or: “What kind of lawnmower did you use? My husband is looking for a new model and yours is so quiet I never heard you mowing.” In both examples, the focus is not on the fact that the lawn is now mown after four weeks of growth. The focus is on the nice front yard and well-oiled lawnmower!
Read more at YourTango.com
From Single Black Male
My friend and I were discussing what’s always on everyone’s mind these days: love and relationships. We were updating each other on our potential plus ones when I asked, “Why do I have to be in love with the person I marry? Why can’t I marry a man because I believe he’ll be a good father and/or a good provider?” My friend perished the thought and expressed that marrying for reasons, not including love, would be settling. I disagreed. Days later, I stumbled upon an article that eloquently echoed my sentiments in a beautifully written piece entitled, Three Reasons You Should Never Marry For Love:
1. Love is a changeable emotion. As quickly as you fall in love, you can fall out of love. Then what? Either the relationship ends or it becomes toxic. If love is your primary connection, the glue is gone. This is true for passionate, physical love as well as “soul-mate” love.
2. Love does not make for a strong enough foundation. Yes, love is strong but, due to the fact that it can evaporate, it is not something that can stand alone as the basis for a long-term relationship (especially when kids are involved). Anything built on a foundation of love is subject to crumbling.
3. Love is far from “all you need.” You need mutual respect, shared goals and compatibility way more than you need love to have a sustainable, lasting relationship. People “fall in love with love” just as Kim Kardashian showed us, because they think it will carry them the distance. We all want to be wanted and we love to love yet, if you had a recipe for a strong, healthy relationship, it might look like this: 3 Cups respect; 2 Cups shared goals; 2 Cups compatibility, 1 Tablespoon love, 1 teaspoon attraction (optional!). (Of course a relationship has many more ingredients than this but you get the idea).
Read more at SingleBlackMale.org
I am a 34-year-old female and I’ve been working at a firm for 13 years and I’m not even making $30, 000 a year. I have two children and I can hardly pay for their tuition and my others bills every month. I have bad credit and I am drowning in debt. I feel that no matter how I try I can’t see my way out of all this debt. I live in a studio apartment that I rent from my parents (when I can afford to pay them) and neither of my kids have their own room or space. What hurts even more is that when my parents need my help financially I can barely help myself much less to help them.
I feel like such a disappointment to my kids, my parents and myself. I have been feeling so bad for the past five months that I am wondering if
I am falling into depression. I feel that I am not worthy of happiness or anything good. Do you know how it feels for your kids to want to do the simplest of things on the weekends and you can’t afford it? How can I get my life back? Where do I go from here? Honestly, if I continue on this pathway of life I really don’t know where I am going to end up emotionally.
Read Dr. Sherry’s response at Essence.com
Maybe you’ve been married, or in a long-term relationship, or too busy doing volunteer work in a third world country to date for a few years. If you haven’t dated in a while, and jump back into it, there are a few things you should know (partially so you’re not offended by your first date!)