All Articles Tagged "dating"
Life will twist and turn while you’re dealing with a breakup. You may find yourself munching on sugary cupcakes by day and dancing on tables by night and in between these moments, deleting all your “so-in-love” photos on social media. But before you hit that “delete” button on your pictures, Toronto native Cassandra Blackwel has another option for you: Beyoncify your boyfriend! Buzzfeed reports when Blackwel broke up with her boyfriend instead of deleting every picture of them together, she photoshopped his face with the face of our Beloved Queen Bey.
Blackwel even turned her post-breakup photo project into a Tumblr page and is taking requests to Beyoncify everyone’s ex-boyfriend. She says: “It’s an ode to how much effort I put into the relationship, if you will.” In an interview will Elle Magazine Online, Blackwel said her project doubled her Twitter following and helped her forget about her break-up. Although many find her breakup recovery tactic a bit strange, Blackwel says of her project: “I think it’s doing so well because everyone can relate to it. It’s just fun and innocent I think that’s why everyone is enjoying it. I made the blog for my friends and never expected it to get like this.”
With submissions streaming in for her to Beyoncify other men, Blackwel claims the project helps alleviate the pain during any breakup period. She notes, “ If imagining yourself at your happiest with Beyoncé doesn’t help, I don’t know what will.”
Blackwel ain’t say nothing but a word!
Below you will find some pictures of Blackwel Beyoncifying her ex-boyfriend via her Beyoncify Beyonce Tumblr Page:
For more pictures, check out Beyoncify My Boyfriend. Will you be submitting a photo?
Hey Madame is our new advice column featuring each MadameNoire editors’ take on reader questions, giving you a wide range of perspectives on topics like you’d get from any good group of girlfriends. Read, enjoy, and if you have a question, email it to us at email@example.com!
Should the title really matter if you have everything else?
Brande: It depends. Asking this question suggests titles matter to you and if the person you’re with isn’t offering something so important to you, you have to decide whether a title is a non-negotiable or something you can do without. If everything else is there without the title, it might seem like a trivial thing, but think about the reason people get married, it’s a demonstration of a higher commitment to one another, a covenant even. A title of girlfriend/boyfriend, in my opinion, demonstrates a higher level of commitment. It says we aren’t just kicking it or talking, we’re in a relationship together and if that matters to you, don’t accept less than that.
Lauren: Titles do matter if you want an exclusive relationship, because you do not want another woman enjoying your goods! Ha! But on a serious note, if you want to become a girlfriend, you need to address your vision with who you are dating. If he is in agreement with you, you both will take the necessary steps to make your relationship official. If not, I am pretty sure another man will come along to give you exactly what you need. Be mindful, sometimes becoming official happens over night or it may take longer. Whatever the timeline, do not add pressure or give ultimatums. Ask for what you need and live your life by making the best decisions for you.
Jazmine: Different things matter to different people. But considering that you’ve written in, it’s apparent that titles matter to you. Having everything else is great, but if you need exclusivity and it’s not being given to you, it’s probably time to reassess things and figure out if this is the best situation for you.
Veronica: Simply put, yes. By asking this question, it seems like you want a title. And you should have that. It seems simple but it’s not too much to ask at all, especially if you truly have everything else. Typically, I find that people (read: men) who avoid titles either have some serious relationship scars they’ve yet to deal with or they use not having a title as an excuse to still act like they’re single.
Victoria: I agree that it depends. If you’re okay with not having a title, then keep having fun and see where things go. But I personally think a title makes a relationship more serious, and if that’s what you’re looking for — a serious relationship — then yes, it does matter. Base your concerns about titles off of what you’re seeking from this man.
By Lorraine Jackson, For YourTango
Are you totally baffled as to why you only seem to attract men who are far from ideal for you? Are you tired of ending up with men who aren’t ready for the same type of relationship you want? Before you give up on the possibility of ever meeting a guy who truly measures up, you may want to take a look at how the following so-called “dating rules” may be adversely hurting your chances of finding The One.
Myth# 1. You’ll “just know” when you meet the right guy.
However, trying to establish a relationship based solely on an intense attraction can cloud your judgment in determining whether a truly viable, long-term relationship is even possible with this guy. While being physically attracted to him should definitely be part of the equation, intense chemistry itself shouldn’t be your only reason for choosing to be in a long-term relationship.
The following expressions, “a good man is hard to find” and “all the good men are already taken” are so widely held as truth by single ladies everywhere, women not only rely on these two concepts to sooth their bruised egos and damaged self-esteem when a relationship goes awry; they’ve become the single woman’s mantra for being unable to find a suitable mate.
Unfortunately, this way of thinking not only causes women to latch onto the first guy who shows the slightest interest in them. Subscribing to the notion that good men are few and far between also causes women to spend way too much time trying to make a relationship work with the wrong guy.
Read more about these dating rules at YourTango.com
Inevitably, when I work with couples that have long-standing problems in their relationship, I come across a litany of boundary issues strewn along the way starting from the very beginnings of the relationship. In this particular article, I want to focus on the very specific but essential topic of boundaries. Typically when people think of boundaries, they are actually thinking of cut-offs, or situations in which such a firm wall is put up that it literally cuts off all further communication or connection. For example, “Don’t call me after 9pm,” is a cutoff; the idea being that there will be absolutely no further phone contact after 9pm. Or “I’m so mad at you that I never want to speak to you again.” Again, I think it’s clear that statement is more of a cutoff than an example of appropriate boundary setting.
So, what exactly are boundaries then? The way I see it, boundaries are guidelines that people put in place to allow them to enjoy their lives and relationships better. In this sense then, boundaries are built on internal values. For example, if someone values his or her free time, then they will set boundaries on how many hours they are willing to work. If an individual values their time (and therefore promptness), they will place a boundary on people showing up on time to meetings and appointments. Again, boundaries are based on values. If we are not clear on our values, we will have absolutely no boundaries. If we don’t place a priority on our values and we subordinate them to the values of others, then we will also lack boundaries.
Read more about relationships and boundaries at YourTango.com
If being hit on is one of the last things you want to happen while you’re out running errands or having some you time, then steer clear of these places! Men know you’re there, and they show up ready to spit game.
By Cassandra Guerrier For YourTango
“I didn’t think you’d want to know.”
This was how my boyfriend of three years told me that he was leaving me for a different girl. A white girl.
In spite of all of the laughter and secrets we had breathed to each other in the night, he had been lying to his entire family about who I was and what I meant to him. Why? Because he was embarrassed of my dark skin. As a Muslim man coming from a strict religious family, he was afraid of their disapproval and so figured the easiest solution was just to leave me for a woman with Blake Lively’s complexion. I don’t know what was worse: The fact that I was blindsided by this or that all of his whispered reassurances over the years that his parents would love me had meant nothing. He had to make a clean cut from me and he had to do it without thought for how it would make me feel.
When I first met Harvey, I fell in love with his eyes and his skin before I fell for him. Even though ours wasn’t a groundbreaking love story, I don’t think I’ll ever forget how we met at the beginning of the semester. Sitting at the back of the classroom, I remember laughing in his face when he tripped over his own feet and landed headfirst in the seat next to me. He made a look of indignation that turned into what I’d come to know as his signature smirk, and then jumped smoothly into conversation as if he hadn’t just made a tremendous fool of himself. After that, we ran into each other at every turn. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but there was something about the way that he carried himself across a room that made me want to get to know him. Maybe it was his shy smile or his penchant for sarcasm, but just like that, I stumbled into his love headfirst and with abandon.
From the stories he shared with me, I knew that Harvey came from a small Egyptian family who practiced Islam. He confided in me that he didn’t really consider himself that religious and would often get frustrated pretending to be just to appease his mother. I loved hearing him speak about his family’s culture and the customs that they followed. Being of Haitian descent (with a tight knit Catholic family of my own), I couldn’t say that I shared the same struggle as him, but I understood what it meant to feel so disconnected from what was supposed to be your identity. Growing up, I was subject to a running joke among my friends that I would marry someone outside of my nationality and race because I always had crushes on guys who were not black. It eventually started to catch on to the point that my classmates teased me constantly, making comments like, “Cassandra probably wishes she was a white girl with the way she’s chasing after those white boys!” and “Why can’t you like someone in your own race for once?” I hated their bullying, and so stopped confiding in them (and really anyone else) about my romantic interests for years. Those days I felt like I was drowning.
Continue reading about this relationship at YourTango.com
We receive a ton of Facebook messages from readers who have questions about life and love, and though we’ve allowed the boys to give out their fair share of advice on MN, we thought it was time readers here from us ladies. So, we bring you “Hey Madame,” our new advice column featuring each MadameNoire editors’ take on reader questions, giving you a wide range of perspectives on topics like you’d get from any good group of girlfriends. Read, enjoy, and if you have a question, email them to us at firstname.lastname@example.org!
I need your help. I think I love this man but when we meet he only asks for sex. Does this man love me?
Jazmine: No, he made his intentions pretty clear up front and his actions have already done the talking. You’d be selling yourself short to move forward with him expecting anything other than that.
Lauren: His actions show he’s only interested in a physical relationship at the moment. If this is something you want, enjoy yourself. If not, it would be best not to engage in any sexual activity with him and even diminish communication. If you’re looking for love, pursue the activities that make you feel good about yourself and you’ll find the man who’s the right fit for you.
Veronica: I think the only person who could answer that is the man in question. But, if I had to make an educated guess, the fact that you said he only asks for sex leads me to say no. I have a question you should ask yourself and it might put the relationship into perspective, why do you feel comfortable asking a third party whether or not a man loves you more than the man himself? It seems like you don’t even trust him enough to make your feelings known or inquire about his. If he does love you, he’s not doing an excellent job of showing you.
Victoria: How long have you all been involved? If it hasn’t been long, I would say no, that man doesn’t love you. But if you met a while ago and he seems like a really good person and he treats you well, you never know– he could really care for you and just have a voracious sexual appetite. But if after sex or outside of the sex he barely calls, doesn’t treat you all that well and seems like a player, you’re dealing with a one-sided fling.
We all desire a happy and fulfilling relationship. You know, that partner who is our perfect half who can help bring out the best in us.
Unfortunately for many of us, we have been exposed to so many unhealthy and less-than-fulfilling relationships in our lives that we don’t know what a truly healthy relationship even looks and/or feels like.
Here are 10 characteristics of a vibrantly healthy relationship:
1. Both partners know that they are responsible for their own individual happiness. Many people unfortunately fall into the bad habit of believing and expecting that our partner is meant to be our source of all happiness, love and fulfillment in our lives. However, in a truly vibrant and healthy relationship, neither partner expects the other to be the source of all their happiness in life. Both people know and understand that they themselves are responsible for their own happiness and well-being. They each know that they are there to support and help one another, but they both know that they are ultimately responsible for themselves.
2. Neither person is really trying to control or “fix” the other person. If one person is more of a procrastinator while the other always gets their work done early, the other person isn’t going to try to “fix” them by pushing them to get their work done early in a healthy relationship. Both people respect one another’s differences. One doesn’t try to force the other to change or be anything different then themselves.
The reality is that nobody wants to be changed or fixed — especially if it’s unsolicited! If the person really truly wants to change, then they will ask for help on their own terms and in their own way. Change isn’t going to happen through nagging or force.
3. The relationship is balanced. No one person has any more power over decisions made as a couple than the other. Both people have an equal say and have equal control over decisions made and both equally respect each other as a different and unique human being.
Now, it may be that the decisions made are different for each person. Such as, one person is more focused on interior decorations while the other is more focused on finances because it better highlights each person’s strengths. But aggregately, everything is 50-50.
4. Conflicts are dealt with head-on and then dropped. In a heathy relationship, conflicts aren’t a deal breaker. Just because a conflict happens, it doesn’t signal that it’s time to just check out and move on to something else. Rather, the conflict is seen as an opportunity to learn and grow. Both sides openly share their feelings and views honestly and with respect.
Conflict is accepted as a natural part of life and any frustrations are dealt with early rather than repressed and brought back up time and time again.
Read more about relationships at YourTango.com
Before we get too far into this conversation let’s remember that people shouldn’t feel the pressure of societal norms to make decisions in their personal lives. I’ve met several men and women who aren’t married and don’t desire to be married at any point in their life. I think I speak for everyone when I say that people who don’t want to be married should stay away from all people who do want to get married.
That won’t stop confusion from mounting over trying to reach a level of understanding around marriage in relationships, though. Most people don’t want to waste their time and, sadly, most people aren’t forthright with their longterm relationship plans. There are several people who end up dating a man for years only to find out in the end he doesn’t see her as the one for him long term. Many of these women wish they could’ve found this out early on and never wasted their time, but the reality is these men typically leave signs. And, truthfully, it’s not that hard to see them.
Many women put themselves in positions where they don’t want to see certain behavior for what it is or trust peoples words, but I can save you some time and heartache. If a man never mentions marriage, he isn’t interested in it. If he never mentions marriage with you, he isn’t interested in marrying you.
Despite the simplicity of those statements, people still tell lies and their actions almost never line up. If you’ve found yourself in a situation as such, here are three signs he’s not interested in marriage:
- He chooses quantity, but not quality as it pertains to you – He may spend a lot of time with you. He may spend a lot of money on you. However, he’s reluctant to give you the genuine interactions that lead you to believe he wants you to be a part of his inner circle. He doesn’t introduce you to his close friends, he hasn’t introduced you to his family, and/or he doesn’t spend important days with you.
- He still considers it “you and him” and not “us.” – One of the easiest ways to tell whether he’s planning for a future together is to pay attention to the way he words things. Anybody can talk a good game but they always slip up. I know for a fact that most men can’t keep a charade going forever. Sooner or later, either in his words or his actions, you realize there is no “us,” it’s just two individuals choosing to spend time together. It is at this point that you should bail as soon as possible.
- He still keeps secrets – If he’s still reluctant to let you into his private space then he’s not planning on ever marrying you. A few things I think truly builds the foundation of a marriage is truth, honesty and openness. These secrets may not even affect you or hurt your feelings but what they do is draw your attention to the fact that he has them. It may be things that he tells you he only feels comfortable sharing with his immediate family or closest friends but if he’s planning on marrying you, that’s part of his responsibility. (Full disclosure: There are several men who marry women and continue to keep secrets anyway; I’m just offering up a sign that he may not even try and marry you.)
All in all, you’ll have to make your own decisions. You’ll have to judge a man’s character and actions for yourself. You also may come to the conclusion that he isn’t’ trying to marry you and you’re perfectly okay with that. However, if you’re dating for purpose and you’re not getting what you want out of the situation then you should move on expeditiously. Don’t waste too much time in a flawed relationship that you know will never give you what you truly want. You’re better off moving on than staying in a relationship and trying to convince someone to do something they really don’t want to do.
Are you one of those women who think you’re totally awesome, yet can’t seem to understand why people – particularly men – don’t talk to you? After all, you consider yourself to be social, and you may think you put yourself out there – but men don’t seem to look your way to say hello, let alone ask you out.
Could it be the way you dress? Do you think you’re too pretty? What could be the problem? Sometimes the aura we give off has more to do with our inner spirit and happiness rather than our physical appearance – so women who depend solely on their looks are left baffled as to why men don’t come sweep them off their feet. Or maybe you’re giving off some sort of energy that is in no way indicative of who you really are. If you’re confused as to why men tend to stay away from you, it could be because you’re sending one of these “stand back” signals that keeps him from coming your way.