All Articles Tagged "dating"

Beware Of Post-Grad Dating

July 2nd, 2015 - By Kendra Koger
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All the single ladies (all the single ladies) (extra points if you sang that while reading it!), there is an epidemic that’s going on in the dating world.  It’s not as hazardous as the bird flu, but can sneak up on you and catch you off guard if you’re not careful.

A friend and I first noticed it, and diagnosed it after she had a few confusing issues while online dating.

The symptoms are:  potential partners who express the desire to grow their relationship with you, but don’t measure up to their promises.  Highly educated people who are beginning to excel in their careers or studies, but still take a very immature approach when it comes to dating.  The last one is when the person feels excited and think that they’re ready for a real commitment, but realize later that they weren’t fully prepared for the responsibility with handling someone’s cares and emotions adequately.

This epidemic tends to happen around the average age range of 21 to 33, and it can happen to people of both sexes.  The name is “post-grad dating,” and I just want to keep you all updated on the seriousness of this annoying trend.

What brought us to this diagnosis?  Well…

When you get older, but you’re still being brave enough to venture into the dating pool, your tastes might mature with you.  The type of men that you were initially attracted to as a teenager might repulse and embarrass you now, and that’s what led my friend to online dating.  Her idea of going into it was that instead of doing a hook-up site, she’ll go to a site that has a good reputation of matching people who are looking for the same things.

She wanted a relationship, and figured that a good place to find someone who wants one as well would be a site whose desires are to create relationships.  However, with the different dates she went on, the men would express this desire of wanting to settle down, and they’d hold that facade for a good amount of time, and then revert to something that was just very reminiscent of the dating behaviors that college students exhibited.

Though I’m a little more apprehensive with dating, I had a head tilt  moment with a guy I met at the library.  My daughter and I are a part of different reading clubs, and when this guy struck up a conversation about books, I was thinking:  “Okay.  He seems all right.”  But one day, while I was holding my daughter’s hand, he suggested that after I put my daughter to bed we could go to the liquor store, get some bottles and drink while watching movies.   That made my internal turntable scratch to a halt extremely quickly.

I am a mother now, and what in the world do I look like, handing my daughter off to my mother to watch, while I go to some guy’s house and drink liquor in the middle of the week?!  I don’t even think college-Kendra would have done that.

After nicely declining and a vent session of:  “Girl, can you believe him?!”  my friend and I realized that this was a transition period of dating for some people.  They might feel too old to still be single, but their minds and behaviors are still relatively immature.

They’re not bad people, they’re just not prepared for the realities of inviting another person into their lives.

Now, there isn’t a cure for this, but there are ways that you can secure yourself against it.

First, pay attention to not only the words they say, but the actions as well.  Maturity can be easily summed up with the ability to do the things that you promise, and someone who is flinging empty promises around might not be up to the standards that you have for your potential dating life.

Second, don’t compromise your emotional standards.  If you have an idea about how you deserve to be treated, and someone isn’t adhering to them, don’t second guess yourself.  You have those standards for a reason, and you deserve to be treated the way you would like to.

Finally, don’t play games.  You know who play games?  Children.  So if two adults are engaging in child-like behaviors while they’re dating, then you’re going to just continue to perpetuate the cycle of “Post-Grad Dating.”

Now that you know, go out into the world, wiser, and more alert to the inner workings of the dating world.  Try to keep yourself safe, and remember, symptoms can appear before it becomes more serious, so stay vigilant my friends.

 

Confessions Of A Recovering Overlover

July 2nd, 2015 - By Deja Jones
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Back in January, I decided it was a new year, and I would revisit my search for love. While everyone else was writing down their resolutions and goals for the year, a friend suggested that I write down all the qualities I wanted in a man. So I got to it. I wrote down everything that I wanted and not the superficial stuff like money, cars–you know, things that I would work for and get myself. I wanted things deeper than surface junk. I was looking for someone to spiritually connect with, someone to learn from and grow with. So I wrote down my list of qualities, spoke them into the atmosphere, and drilled them into my mind.

Things went downhill from there.

For most women, we have a list of standards that we would like to see come to fruition in a man. But then again, we also don’t know what we want until we actually get it, so the list is constantly changing. In my case, I started to realize that I give love, at first sight, a whole new meaning. I tend to fall too soon and easily for a part of someone before I get to know the whole them. What’s crazy is at 25, I find myself single, but with a full list of men in my corner. I’ve either gotten tired of them, or they just weren’t for me according to my standards. I was trying to create a voodoo man who didn’t exist in real life. You see, I was falling in love with specific qualities and traits and then allowing myself to catapult head over heels in a short time frame. But when reality set in and I noticed some things I didn’t like, I was easing my way out the door.

I wanted longevity, something stable and comfortable, and when I finally found that I lost myself in it for six years. In love and planning a life with someone, but having no idea of who I was. I wanted a creative and artistic guy who understood my lifestyle, and when I got that, I fell in love within the first month. Within the first three months, we were having conversations that people who’ve been together for three years weren’t even having. Things got serious between us really quickly, but as time went on I realized I wasn’t able to handle his baggage like I thought I could. It was emotionally taxing and he just wouldn’t let me in.

One thing I’ve realized is that hurt changes people. You either become cold and closed off to the idea of love or you’re left wide open, vulnerable and wearing your heart on your sleeve. My heart was on my exposed on my sleeve and in the midst of not wanting to be lonely and desiring love,  I didn’t realize I was neglecting the one person who I needed to be loving on the most: myself. I also learned that there were two important factors needed in my life that I was missing, and that was time and patience.

I have since learned that there are ways to take things slow. And by taking things slowly, I mean to actually date and get to know someone before allowing the big emotions to get involved. Here a few tips.

Establish a clear foundation

Just to be clear, it is important to know that love won’t happen overnight. A relationship won’t successfully come into form overnight. Allow yourself some time to get to know this person. Establish a clear understanding of what you’re looking. If you want something serious, be upfront about that. I’ve learned that the most common line we use is “Well, I’m not looking for anything serious, but if it happens I’m not opposed to it.” It’s our safety net, but it’s a corny safety net. Just be real. If you are looking for something serious, say that. If not, then say that as well. We can’t predict the future, but having a clear understanding of our paths is important when it comes to navigating the dating world before we end up falling head over heels for any and every guy.

Hang out with him in different settings

People act a different way in different places.  People react to things differently depending on where they’re at and who they’re with, so getting that well-rounded view into their social lives is important. You might not like how they handle conflict or how they speak to people, and that will definitely keep you from falling in love too fast. I once dated a guy who was very rude to employees at places where he was was being serviced, including at restaurants and in checkout lines.

Check them out on social media

In the world of social media, you can create any life or story for yourself and fool anyone who doesn’t know you. But I believe that nothing is a lie. What you post says a lot about how you think and what you’re into. If you’re always posting pictures of yourself with a drink, I’m going to assume you drink a lot. It’s the same assumption with cigarettes, weed, and other things. Even though I don’t think our lifestyles have to be the exact same, they should agree or at least complement each other.

Take off the detective hat and let life happen

If you’re looking for something to go wrong, it most likely will. Once the nitpicking starts, everything becomes a problem. You’ll spend so much time looking for what’s wrong with a guy and what you don’t like about them to the point where you won’t be able to appreciate what’s right.

The Couple’s Guide To Surviving Their First Vacation

June 30th, 2015 - By Tanvier Peart
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Everyone needs to take a vacation — that’s why we have paid time off from our jobs. Hopefully, you and your boo thang have considered riding off into the sunset. If this happens to be your first time traveling together, you might want to take a look at some of these vacation do’s and don’ts that just might preserve your happiness.

Wasting Your Pretty: Serious Reasons To Move On If It Isn’t Right

June 30th, 2015 - By Meg Butler
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Stuck on settling for Mr. Almost Right? You could be losing something a lot more serious than just your time. Check out these important reasons to move on — for your health and sanity’s sake.

Serious Question: Could You Date A Man Who Sucks His Thumb?

June 29th, 2015 - By Veronica Wells
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There’s this meme going around the internet that made me think of a question I wanted to ask you all. The meme goes on and on about a woman discovering her boyfriend in bed, peacefully sleeping with another man by his side. And that’s bad. Real bad.

But honestly, as I was reading this tragic story, I just kept thinking that in addition to being involved with a lying cheater, this woman had subjected herself to dating a thumb-sucker. Liars and cheaters are quite common; but thumbsuckers, that is a rare form of unattractive.

And yet, I know, from the omission of thumb sucking in this post and from observing the dating patterns of those close to me, that men who suck their thumbs are in relationships all over the United States and perhaps even the world.

So I’m wondering, is it something that women generally don’t have a problem with, or is it something they’re willing to overlook once they’re in a serious, committed relationship?

In other words, is this a deal breaker?

I think it would be for me. The thought of a thumb, wrinkled from spit, touching and caressing me, would drive me absolutely insane. That doesn’t even take into consideration the misshapen teeth that inevitably occur with longtime thumb suckers. *Shivers.*

I do know one thing. I actually question the authenticity of this internet meme. If I were gracious enough to date a man who sucked his thumb, I would be far too embarrassed to admit that this very man, then had the nerve to step out on me. If it did happen, I would hope that I would have enough shame not to put it all over the internet.

But what say you, could you date a man who sucked his thumb? Have you done it before?

Enjoy The Season: The Couple’s Summer Bucket List

June 26th, 2015 - By Tanvier Peart
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Can you feel the ocean breeze calling your name? Even if you can’t get to it right now, you and your honey can still enjoy an amazing summer. In honor of the hottest time of year, take a look at this fun summer bucket list of items you can try in your relationship.

Don’t forget your sunscreen!

The Billionaire Boyfriend Club: Stars Dating Men With Serious Money

June 25th, 2015 - By Meg Butler
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Image Source: Twitter

Have you seen these photos of Mariah Carey stepping out with billionaire James Packer? And she’s not the only member of the billionaire boyfriend club. These celebrities are dating men with serious money.

Think You’re Ready? Signs You’re Willing To Open Yourself To Love

June 19th, 2015 - By Tanvier Peart
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Signs You're Willing To Open Yourself To Love

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Heartache and pain are very real. Even though most won’t damage your physical health too much, they are nonetheless a shock to the system. Once you’ve recovered from a breakup, you might want to test the waters when it comes to a new romance. Here are some ways to tell if you’re ready for love.

Why Getting Back Together Feels Magical…At First

June 18th, 2015 - By Julia Austin
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If you’ve recently gotten back together with an ex and feel like you’re floating on cloud nine, take a moment to come back down to earth. There are reasons why getting back together with someone feels magical…at first. But it rarely lasts.

 

 

 

 

“It’s You, Not Me”: The Best & Worst Ways To Break Up

June 17th, 2015 - By Tanvier Peart
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No matter how hard you try, sometimes things just don’t work out. As much as it can hurt, break ups are a part of life that aren’t always a reality that’s easy to swallow. After all, you invested time, love and energy into making it work.

Let’s just hope you don’t catch a case in the process of uncoupling.

Here’s a look at some good and bad ways to break up. Remember, it’s always best to take the high road.