All Articles Tagged "dating"

The Surprise Reason Why You Still Stalk Your Ex

April 16th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From YourTango 

Let’s be honest: when it comes to stalking your ex, your detective level is on expert. From creeping his latest pictures with his new girlfriend to going through his statuses just because they’re readily available, you hardly notice when your digital stalking becomes a full-blown habit. Why is that? Even though you swear that you’ve moved on, there’s a small part of you that can’t help but wonder how he’s coping without you.

Is it possible that there’s more to this than curiosity or jealousy?

Intrigued by human behavior, University of Missouri School of Journalism’s Kevin Wise set forth to crack this code through the use of facial EMG sensors which, when connected to the eye muscles, detect the levels of positive reaction stemming from visual stimuli. In his study, the assisstant professor of strategic communication closely documented the facebook activity of over 30 subjects.

In the results of his social experiment, he found that most of the participants used facebook to search through the pages of both friends and former partners; he believes that his findings show that people often experience an instant “emotional gratification” from connecting to fellow users through their personal pages. While Wise sees facebook “social searching” as a form of emotional bonding, other critics aren’t as ready to accept this conclusion.

Read more about stalking at YourTango.com 

Help! I Never Acknowledged Him In Public, So He Put Me In The Booty Call Zone

April 15th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From Essence

Dear Abiola,

Is there a way to move out of booty call zone? I’m frustrated and lost. I love him but I know it’s partially my fault. I am a successful up and coming lawyer. I was also the booty call for two years until I started to refuse a couple of months ago.

When we first met I used to reject any talk about relationships. After we had sex for the first time he asked about us being together and I refused. He invited me on dates several times and I declined. Stupid me. I was afraid of being in a relationship. He used to ask me to come over just to hang out even on my periods to show me that it was not just sex he wanted. I used to not even acknowledge him in public.

Then I found out he was sleeping with a girl I knew at the same time. Apparently, he would call me first then when I declined he would call her. This got me really upset but because I liked him I didn’t show it. We stopped for a while, then started to have sex again.

He used to sleep over. We would get dressed for work together and act like a little family. Now it’s just confusing.  If we see each other at parties, he gives me a nasty stare when I am talking to another guy. He stopped talking to me in public because I used to not acknowledge him and he said he’s fed up of me hiding. He also has hooked back up with his ex sexually.

Help! I want him as my best friend and husband. I want him so badly but I think now I’m just stuck in the booty call zone.

Signed,

Frustrated, Lonely & Hopeless

Read Abiola’s response

Why Mean Girls Finish First When Dating

April 15th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From Hello Beautiful

We all know the cliche, “Nice guys finish last,” but what about us? Nice girls finish after way after nice guys. Think about it. There’s books dedicated to men loving witches with a capital B. When women are apathetic, no-nonsense and could care less about what people think often serves as a challenge for men and we all know that men love challenges.

Nice women who are loyal, supportive and just want honesty and respect in return usually get the short end of the stick. I know because I’ve been all of these things to men and have seen my stick get shorter and shorter.

Somewhere along the way, romantic and genuinely sweet gestures have become annoyances and expected, so they are never truly appreciated. Love cannot be bought or earned. The receiver of the nice treatment does not always feel love for the giver. In fact, they may feel manipulated, burdened or just ungrateful.

A few years ago, I met this adorable guy named Gavin. He was tall, smart, funny, ridiculously sweet and attentive. I thought I’d hit the jackpot. One night, Gavin wanted to hang out, but I explained to him that I was going to be celebrating my friend’s birthday at a local restaurant.

Gain sighed heavily, “And after?”

His desperation was adorable in the first couple of weeks. He loved spending time with me and was never shy to vocalize that. But after the hearts and stars in my eyes began to fade, I became increasingly irritated by his urgency. “After, I don’t know. It’s Lisa’s birthday, so we’ll probably be out,” I rolled my eyes. “I have to go babe. I’ll call you when I’m done.” I hung up, ready to complain to my girlfriends about how thirsty Gavin was becoming.

“I can’t believe you’re complaining about your boyfriend wanting to spend time with you. Why are you even with him?” One of my girlfriends challenged my disdain.

Continue this story about being nice in relationships at HelloBeautiful.com 

Tips For Dating With Depression

April 14th, 2014 - By Ashley Page
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Dating With Depression

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People suffer from depression for all sorts of reasons. From a horrible break up to just a rough patch in life, depression can hit at any time, and for some it’s a never-ending condition they have to cope with every day. If you are dealing with depression, don’t think that dating is out of the question — or that you should hide it from your partner. Here are 14 tips for dating with depression.

I Don’t Know Why My Husband Abandoned Me, Should I Move On?

April 11th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From Essence 

Dear Dr. Sherry,

I got married in May 2011 and my husband left six months later after a heated argument when I asked him to leave my house. Needless to say he never returned. I reached out with very little response and the times he wanted to talk he blamed me for everything. Eventually he cut off all communication with me. This went on until June 2012. At this point, I was lost and I prayed and prayed until I said I’m going to try to call him once more. Well, he answered but the response was devastating. He pretended that he didn’t know who I was! My reaction, of course, was filled with tears and pain. I said, “This is your wife.” He laughed at me and hung up. Once again, there was no communication. I filed for divorce on May 1st and he signed the papers the next day. Our divorce was final by July 2012. The process was so swift and fast it was hard to deal with. My question is, why was divorce such an easy outlet for him when he is the one who left and never returned? Why wouldn’t he file for the divorce? It has been almost two years. I feel I’m better and this is my testimony. But I must live with fact that I will never truly know why he left, cut off all communications and made me feel obsolete like the marriage never occurred. It’s a hard factor to live with for the rest of my life. Any advice or thoughts to help me through this?

Signed,

A Sweet Lady

Read Dr.Sherry’s response at Essence.com  

On The Road To Happiness: How To Fall In Love With Your Life

April 11th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From YourTango

You’re walking down the street on a beautiful Spring day. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and a gentle breeze of sweet air is blowing through the trees. Everything is perfect in this moment, and you feel the magic of the Universe come alive.  But then, a thought pops into your head:  This is such an amazing moment, if only I had a boyfriend to share this with me.  And then, suddenly, your mood shifts.  You go from being happy and peaceful, to being sad and anxious.  What happened?

So often we focus our attention on the things we don’t have, rather than noticing and appreciating the things we do have. A lot of this has to do with our American culture, no doubt. Marketing has done a great job of convincing us that we are not really happy right now…that in order to experience *true* happiness, we must have whatever they are selling. Only then will you be truly happy, as if that *thing* is some magical key that unlocks your door of happiness.  They do this with cars, retirement accounts, technology, sex, drugs, and even love. When was the last time you saw an advertisement for a new dating site that promised you unlimited joy and happiness by finding the love of your life on their site?

We’ve become so accustomed to this, that we no longer even need outside marketers to remind us of our current unhappiness and need for something else. We now do it ourselves. Whenever we feel a moment of happiness, we quickly remind ourselves that we can’t possibly be truly happy because we don’t have a boyfriend yet, and the new iPhone just came out and we can’t afford it, and we have no plans for dinner tonight. And if only we had those things right now, *then* we would be truly happy.  But here’s the irony…you can never have it all. Because no matter what you have, there will be always more to get. Our Universe is infinitely abundant; there is always more to expand into and accept into our lives. So when do you have enough to just be happy right now?

Read more about happiness at YourTango.com 

10 Reasons He Loves Being A Bachelor

April 11th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From Single Black Male 

These days a lot of us are choosing to be single. We’re throwing away the mentality that by a certain age we should “settle down.” I mean, the concept never really sounded that great to begin with. However, I think that society has afforded us a new opportunity to live fulfilling lives without letting go of the single status. I’m not saying that it’s right and marriage is wrong, I’m just saying it’s an option that more people are choosing. It used to be a time that if a man or woman had reached the age of 30 and they weren’t married, we automatically assumed something was wrong with them. Nope maybe they’ve just got their reasons. Here’s a list of ten reasons why men can’t stop being a bachelor:

  1. It’s all his, he doesn’t have to share. – Part of every relationship is sharing. The turnoff is that nobody really likes to share. Right now, everything he owns is his and it’s the way he wants it to be. He doesn’t want someone else coming and taking up his time with his things.
  2. His life is pretty awesome. – He can go where he wants, he can do what he wants, and he can do who he wants. He doesn’t have any ties to anyone and there is nothing pulling on him. We call this freedom. The ultimate goal in life is not to live one of slavery and being tied down.
  3. He hasn’t met the one who makes him want to change. – There are some men who are willing to give a relationship a try even when they don’t think she’s the one for them. They hope that over time they’ll grow to love them. Then there are the ones who don’t budge until he meets the one who makes him want to change everything in his life for her. If he is the latter, he’s not budging until he meets her.
  4. No really, his life is pretty awesome. – I don’t think you understand, the life he lives is awesome. When they say relationships are hard work, they mean it. When they tell you to stay single as long as you can, they meant it. He’s got the freedom to pick up and go at a moment’s notice. This makes his personal and professional life soar. He doesn’t want to give that up.
  5. Coupled and married life sounds pretty boring. – When he talks to all his friends that are married or in serious relationships; their life sounds boring. They’re talking about date nights, wine tasting, shopping for things for the home and splitting TV shows with the misses. His boys are all talking about their kids and “saving.” He’s more interested in living and riding life until the wheels fall off.
  6. The women in his life are too important and he’s not dating any of them. – If he’s made it this far there’s probably a lot of female friends and a mama hanging around. When those women become too important in his life there isn’t much room for anymore estrogen. He knows this and he knows that any type of relationship will require a shift that he’s not interested in.
  7. It’s much easier to get ahead in life. – When I said that it makes it easier for his professional life to soar, I wasn’t kidding. Some of our best years in our career are when we have nothing else to worry about our career. It also helps you reach your goals when you have an individualistic approach to reaching them. If he wants to work 100 hours a week, there’s nobody there to tell him things like, “you spend time on things, you want to spend time on” in an attempt to guilt trip him in changing priorities.

Read more about dating at SingleBlackMale.org 

#Sprung: Anthony Mackie Has Been Dating The Same Girl Since He Was 7 Years Old

April 11th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From Black Voices 

Anthony Mackie’s latest role as “Sam ‘Falcon’ Wilson” in “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” resulted in the superhero franchise soaring to the top of the box office last weekend setting a domestic record as April’s biggest release ever by grossing $96.2 million.

Beating out the previous record, set by “Fast Five” in 2011, isn’t the only thing that Mackie is attempting to outpace. Apparently the New Orleans-native is also vying to maintain one of the longest running romantic relationships with his girlfriend.

During an appearance on the April 11 episode of the “Queen Latifah Show,” Mackie revealed that he and his “Falconette” have been dating “off and on” since they were 7-years-old.

Read more about Anthony Mackie’s relationship at BlackVoices.com 

How To Decide Whether Or Not To Give Him A Second Chance

April 10th, 2014 - By Julia Austin
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Deciding whether or not to give someone a second chance requires thinking about a lot more than you had to when giving them the first chance. Your pride is involved, and having your heart broken for a second time by the same person is the worst kind of heartbreak. So you need to make sure it’s worth it. Here are 15 questions to ask yourself.

Longterm Relationship Qualities Every Couple Needs

April 10th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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From YourTango 

In my years of Buddhist practice, I’ve learned a lot from the four Brahma Viharas, also known as “beautiful qualities” – loving-kindness, compassion, empathetic joy, and equanimity. You don’t have to be a Buddhist to understand that cultivating these qualities can be very beneficial for your relationship. And although it’s especially powerful when both members of a relationship agree to cultivate these qualities together, it can also have a lot of impact when just one person cultivates them.

Loving-kindness is a feeling of benevolence toward another person, and the wish for them to have what they want and need. Relationship expert Stan Tatkin talks about the importance of a “couple bubble,” in which both partners agree to prioritize the needs of the relationship ahead of their individual needs.

Ruth and I create our bubble a little differently, by each holding space for the other person’s needs. For instance, if I want to spend the day with Ruth, but she has something else planned, part of my loving-kindness toward her is feeling glad that she’s doing something she wants to do, even if it wouldn’t have been my own preference.

When Ruth also extends this same kind of loving-kindness toward me, it creates a sense of freedom and well-being in the relationship. For instance, there are days when Ruth wants us to do Conscious Girlfriend work, but she knows I need a day off, and because of loving-kindness, her desire for me to have what I need wins out over her other desire.

Read more about love at YourTango.com 

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