All Articles Tagged "dating"
In a perfect world, men would always tell us how they feel. If they wanted to date us they would say, “I like you.” If they weren’t feeling our advances they would say, “I don’t like you.” And the world would turn as usual.
But that’s not what happens. Sure, men tend to do a good job of letting us know they want to be more than friends, but when they don’t — let the games begin! Make that the shenanigans! Here are all the shady things men do when they’re not interested instead of telling us the truth. If you see any signs of the behavior listed below, slowly back away from the man in question and set your eyes on a new beau.
Another day, another need for someone to give bizarre dating advice so attaining love feels even more elusive.
Journalist Anna Davis wrote an article for The New York Post explaining why sharing your real name on a first date was so five minutes ago. Her reasoning? Ask Rachel Charlupski. The aforementioned subject was getting ready for a first date when she became bombarded with text messages from a potential love interest. “‘Hey! I’m sure you’re super busy with work and you sound really successful. Are you sure you had meant to match with me?’ the message read as the man continued to cite specifics about the 31-year-old Chelsea resident’s career — including her recent mention in a Forbes article — making it clear that he had Googled his potential match,” Davis wrote.
Rachel responded the best way any millennial could: she blocked her match and vowed from that day forward to never give a date her real name. “Everyone Googles everyone. I do it, so I know [guys do] it,” Charlupski told Davis, but the reason why she blocked her matched after he researched her is because she hates talking about her high-profile childcare business in social settings. “I love my job, but I hate talking about it in a social setting. And whenever a man knows what I do, and the fact that my clientele includes VIP athletes, that’s all he wants to discuss,” she revealed. Charlupski continued to share that she gives barely any information about herself until she feels she and her match(es) are compatible. But Charlupski isn’t alone in this new dating trend, Sandra LaMorgese, a holistic practitioner who moonlights as a dominatrix told The New York Post that she’s even slept with dates before sharing her real name. Her reasoning: “I like hiking and yoga; people describe me as vanilla. But as soon as a man realizes I’m a dominatrix, the conversation is all sex, all the time. I want him to get to know the other parts of me.”
Dr. Dion Metzger, author of The Modern Trophy Wife, told Davis that lying to protect one’s identity is becoming more common and even a smart move because researching people is the new norm in the digital age. And some like Blogger Melani Robinson believe that Google searching a date is a breach of trust. “I’ve written about getting a bikini wax, but that’s never something I’d bring up to someone I just met. But when someone reads it before they meet me, they assume that’s first date conversation,” Robinson told The Post.
I understand why someone like Sandra only gives her nickname to dates because of her moonlighting profession. I, too, would be annoyed if someone only wanted to talk about sex on a first date. However, I doubt I would spend the entire evening with a first date if all he wanted to talk about was “what that mouth do.” As for Charlupski and Robinson, they both seem to feel more important than they really are.
Instead of the immature move of blocking her match who revealed that he Google searched her, Rachel could have responded with a witty remark on why she swiped right on the bachelor— same goes for Robinson. If someone actually wants to discuss how you remove unwanted hair at the dinner table you have two options: change the direction of the conversation or kindly excuse yourself.
When I asked my co-workers how they felt about giving fake names on a first date, one shared that she would never do it and if someone decided to follow this new trend, she would think they have something severe to hide like a criminal record, wife or children.
Another’s concern was the upkeep of the lie. For example, if someone calls your cell phone you would have to explain why the name on the voicemail doesn’t match the name you gave and you would have to avoid discussing personal achievements which really helps you impress and connect with a mate.
Honestly, I feel like this new trend and so many others give people a reason to lie and play games at the beginning of a relationship. This continues the perception that dating is so hard when it really doesn’t have to be. To quote the ancient African-American proverb: It ain’t that deep.
A Cosmopolitan reader saw the highest form of disrespect at a wedding recently and decided to write to advice columnist Logan Hill about what she should do.
“My boyfriend and I went to our good friend’s wedding about two weeks ago. At the reception, at about the time when everyone starts loading up on free cocktails, my boyfriend and I saw a few things that didn’t sit right with me. The groom, we’ll call him Jeff, was standing and talking to some family members near the bar. A girl, we’ll call her Britney, came up to Jeff from behind and placed her arm around his waist, letting it fall across his butt and cup his butt cheek. Britney straight up held her hand on his a– for way too long, and it was not a friendly butt-grabbing,” the Cosmo reader wrote. After witnessing the butt grab, the reader’s boyfriend explained that Britney was Jeff’s ex who’s still in love with him and upset that he married someone else.
Throughout the night, the reader said she observed Britney hugging the Groom from the behind and behaving as though she was the Bride. The reader explained: “We continued to see Britney grab at Jeff throughout the night, clearly in a way that screams she wants him. I am decent friends with the bride, but I don’t know if we’re close enough that I would feel comfortable telling her what I saw and risk upsetting her. It’s very clear that she doesn’t like Britney — we didn’t see them speak once the entire night. Who would want their boyfriend’s ex at their wedding anyway? My boyfriend said he would talk to Jeff about it. I know the bride would be upset, but I think she has a right to know.”
Personally, I think the Bride has the right to know as well. However, columnist Logan Hill says otherwise. In a very interesting response, Hill told the Cosmo reader that the Groom probably didn’t want to make a scene and that’s why he allowed another woman who’s not his wife, hug and grope him. “In the worst-case scenario, there’s something shady going on between the two of them, which your boyfriend will be able to suss out better than you. But remember that the groom didn’t seem react in any way. I think it’s more likely that the groom was annoyed by his ex and didn’t want to make a scene—and let her steal any of the shine from his big day with his bride,” he said.
I barely believe in the “there’s a time and place for everything” type of tact, especially in this scenario. The Groom not only disrespected his wife but also his marriage on the same day he vowed his life to her. Let’s call a thing, a thing; the Groom wanted this sort of attention from his ex because he invited her to his wedding and never reprimanded her flirtation towards him. I would say that the Cosmo reader should tell the Bride — although telling someone their spouse is behaving inappropriately is like playing with a double-edged sword. Some people appreciate the information while others will make you public enemy number one for revealing that their marriage doesn’t live up to the fantasy they’ve created.
Either way, Columnist Hill receives a major side-eye for believing the Groom “just brushed off his ex.” Instead, he co-signed her lack of boundaries with silence.
Read the full story, here and tell us how you would respond to this trife situation.
Raise your hand if you’ve accidentally fallen for the wrong man. Plenty of us have been involved with guys who said they were good men, but really, just pretended to be. And while there are some good catches out there, sometimes certain “good” men just aren’t good for you.
Thankfully, some red flags are easy to spot in the beginning if you know where to look. One good way to find them? Put a man through a few tests before you decide to let your guard down and let him in.
These are the signs I would recommend looking out for when meeting someone new. Do you have your own quizzes to put him through before you call him your boo? Share them with us in the comment section so we can all put our antennas up before we get in too deep.
The Shoe Test
Long before the first date, check out a man’s shoes to find out what you need to know about the way he carries himself.
Heartbreak is arguably one of the worst feelings one can experience. After the emotional turbulence, I reflect on how I ended up alone again after having such high hopes. Did I ignore any red flags? Was I too eager? After being ditched one too many times I had to take a deep look at myself and ask, “Am I causing this?” I’m not saying the men who have devastated me are innocent, but I have realized that I have bad habits that continuously lead me to checking in to heartbreak hotel. Being heartbroken can be crippling, but it can also be enlightening. Here are five things I have learned when I was let down while looking for love.
Don’t fall in love with potential
The person you first meet will not be the person you fall in love with. Underneath the charm, good looks and exciting conversation there could be a creep. After getting my heart crushed too many times I’ve learned to take things day by day when dating because you never truly know who you are dealing with in the beginning. I would notice signs that I was dealing with a douche but I wanted to still give him a chance because of the redeeming qualities and well, the potential. Potential isn’t all that telling when it comes to a person’s level of integrity and character.
The importance of closure
The last guy that broke my heart left me hanging. No goodbye, no reason, nothing. Not knowing why the person I spoke to everyday disappeared on me put me on an emotional rollercoaster. I wondered if something happened to him, if I did something hurtful and was not aware or if I had just gotten played yet again. I didn’t want to believe the latter, because why would he hurt me after I told him what I been through? After I contacted him from another number two months later, I finally got my answer, and also gave him an earful about the added emotional damage he caused. Having that closure helped me know to move on. I let go of the false hope that maybe he would re-emerge and we could start over. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear but it was what I needed.
Have no expectations
When you’re falling for someone you assume they’re falling for you too. That’s where the expectations kick-in. Expecting good morning texts, phone calls and dates every weekend got me in trouble and brought on loads of disappointment. That man doesn’t have to text you or even take you out. He’s not obligated to. Your communication with him does not have to be daily. People have lives, but people make time for what they want, especially men. If things are not official, then don’t expect anything from him.
Take It Slow
Having a strong connection with a potential beau can be exciting and lead to moving too fast. I sure did. No man can deny that I was caring and sweet, but now I know that I was giving men attention and time that they didn’t ask for or want. I was all in when they were still deciding whether they were taking me seriously. Now I know not to commit myself to a man until he asks for that commitment.
Let the man take charge
If that man wants you, he will pursue you. Looking too eager or dominating the courtship can push a man away. I would often initiate dates or even call when I wasn’t being called at all. Things cannot be one sided. Now I know to sit back and let the man show me that he wants to be around.
Black love is a thick phrase that comes loaded with imagery. You can envision brown people curled in embrace, limbs locked in unity. You can see a couple, heads bowed in prayer with shared hope. You can see wholehearted laughs and agile hips dancing during family reunions and weddings. You can see comfort and head wraps, line-ups, and loyalty — commitment baked into soul food.
Black love is “fight the power.” Black love is proud and gifted. Black love is music and a strong bass beat. Black love is a community covering.
Black love, in all its elegance and beauty, is defiant. A visual testimony of what it looks like to thrive when many pivotal moments in history were positioned against our prosperity. From the barbaric years of slavery to the modern-day incarceration pipeline, Black love is a protest against systematic separation.
Read more about these couple at HelloBeautiful.com
This past weekend, the hashtag #ForeverDuncan went viral. It brought many of us joy and had us crafting our own #relationshipgoals in our minds. As we previously reported, “on October 1, 2016, Alfred decided to do something special for Sherrell. Alfred, a Grammy and Emmy nominated artist, proposed to Sherrell, a fitness trainer and speaker, at noon and married her at 5 p.m. in National Harbor, Maryland.”
Because of Alfred’s lavish and grand gesture, we started thinking about all of the other couples whose love we love and who make us continuously believe in the power of it. Two is definitely better than one! Take a look at our favorite pictures of couples who’ve shared their story via social media. They are getting engaged, expecting a baby, tying the knot or just enjoying each other’s company and giving us serious #relationshipgoals. Love is a beautiful thing, ladies and gents.
I can’t imagine how difficult it is to date as a single mother. Just the thought of juggling co-parenting schedules, career pressures and extracurricular activities is exhausting. But you do have to date. You have needs, sexual and otherwise. Just because you are a mother doesn’t mean you aren’t a sexy woman who deserves to be wined, dined and loved.
My mother never received this memo. A single mother for most of her life, we – her three children – were her priority. She never dated. Mami rarely even gave out her number. She was mother first, woman second.
That’s why it was so difficult for me to accept my stepfather. He moved in with us when I was 20-years-old. I resisted. I didn’t want a father figure. I didn’t want a man telling me to wash the dishes or to come home way before dawn. I wasn’t used to having “a man of the house,” or in my mother’s life. It was a tough transition because she never dated when I was a kid.
So, single mothers, get out there and date. But what of my children? You ask. Oh, they’ll have to be involved. They must be on board lest they drive your new man away. You must find a happy balance between dating and motherhood. And you may have to handle a sticky situation, just like my mom. You don’t want to choose your kids over your man and vice versa. But you have to do something. Here’s what to do when your kids hate your man.
So last week I mentioned my something like-a sexual awakening. A casual conversation with a man I know quickly went left when I way too eagerly agreed to make a fantasy come to life by trying my hand at becoming a virtual vixen. I agreed to do a virtual strip tease for a friend. Although I said yes without hesitation, I couldn’t help but be nervous about it. My head was spinning with thoughts like, what would I do?, how would I do it? and what I should wear? to more critical inquiries about the nature and dynamic between men and women regarding sex. While questioning whether or not I should go through with the virtual strip tease, I also wondered: would he like it? would he laugh? has he done this type of thing before? who am I dealing with here?
I always thought him to be the type of guy that might frown upon this kind of thing. For whatever reason, I always expected that he was the kind of person that preferred to restrict anything of a sexual nature to relationships only. Evidently, I was wrong, which is what got me wondering if he might judge my willingness to give into his desire. I wondered if I should be offended that he had the audacity to ask me.
Do I look like some type of sexual savage?
Does this rule me out as wifey material?
Either way, it was too late now. The clock was ticking and the show was scheduled for midnight. I decided to forget all of my apprehensions. This was something new and being that I already committed, part of me was excited to take on this new sort of challenge. I found it powerful to be able to satisfy a sexual fantasy that no one else has ever been able to do.
Socially, there is a fine line between sexual liberation and condemnation. Where is the line drawn between sexually empowered and being a thirsty thot? Like I said, I was flattered, excited even. Admittedly my body is not where it was nor where I want it to be, but the idea of someone miles away holding me in their thoughts as a source of lusty temptation was a pleasant surprise. But where do we draw the line between freedom and persecution? In our highly technological society, everything is much more accessible than it once was, including sex as well as others opinions.
For now things between my friend and I are normal, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Since my ‘show,’ we’ve discussed work and the general things friend usually talk about. I asked him if he had ever asked anyone to perform for him prior to this experience, but he hadn’t. I asked if he had ever or would ever pass judgement on a woman for participating in such things, and he said, ‘no.’ Maybe he was being polite, maybe he wasn’t. I learned long ago to silence the white noise of others voices and perceptions. Regardless of what it may seem, or look like, what I’ve taken from this can’t be jaded by worldly chatter.
So let me ask, have you ever done anything like this? Is judgement reserved for women of a certain reputation, or is anyone eligible to fall victim to social critique?
If a woman is sexually empowered, and expresses herself freely without reservation, is her stock as a potential wife depreciated?
Men, do you find moral separation between the types of woman you sext, or lust for versus a woman you’d introduce to your family, and would marry? Comment below!
All women are created equal, but there are some things that single women do better or know more about than their married counterparts. From the happening places to be in town to just being open and available for new experiences, because of less responsibilities and expectations, single women do things differently. So before your situation changes, it pays to enjoy the perks of riding solo.
And if you’ve already tied the knot? It’s good to know when to tap back into the singles circle to take advantage of their expertise on the dating scene. Want some insight into the new dating apps or what women are encountering while testing the waters? Call your single girlfriend for all the tea. These are just a few things that single women are really good at.
Giving Dating Advice
Married women may give great advice when it comes to sticking with a relationship for the long term. However, when you need advice on spotting the new game out there and what to expect out there, it’s time to call your single friends.