All Articles Tagged "dating"
There’s no struggle quite like shaking off a crush while you’re still in feeling it. You were hoping he would feel the same way you do, but instead, he just wasn’t that into you after all. No worries, it happens to the best of us. You’ve sworn off texting him and deleted him from your social media. But it’s going to take longer to delete him from your mind.
Any missed connection can ding our self-esteem. The key to getting through it is to remind yourself that every ending is really a beginning. And getting over what “we” could have been and getting back to “me” can teach you some very important lessons. It’s cool. You will get over it. And these things will help.
Some may not be putting “respeck” on Birdman’s name, but Mama Evelyn, the mother of the five Braxton sisters is.
As of late, the rumor mill has been flooded with stories of Toni Braxton cuddling up and even hooking up with the Cash Money Records CEO. It all stemmed from Birdman’s appearance at Braxton’s Grammy Park performance in Brooklyn, New York. According to TMZ reports, the two were indeed together and have even hooked up in the past. Most recently, the pair were spotted taking in New Orleans together, holding hands.
Well, in a new sit-down interview with The Rickey Smiley Morning Show, a few of the Braxton sisters and Mama Evelyn, Toni’s rumored relationship came up, to which Evelyn described Birdman as someone she could definitely see her daughter with.
“I hope so! I think he is a nice man,” she said. “I don’t care what others say about him. He is a nice man. He is full of respek. Put some respek on it!” “I met him years ago. Toni been knowing him… 15 years ago something like that… Ever since I’ve been knowing that man he’s been phenomenal so let me say, I hope so,” she concluded.
Interesting. What are your thoughts on Braxton and Birdman’s budding romance?
If he hasn’t proved that he’s serious about you, should you get serious about him?
Once upon a time, making it official was as easy as circling “yes” or “no” on a “will you be my girlfriend” note in third period. But now that middle school is over, deciding whether or not to make a commitment is a little more complicated.
Just because a man asks you to take things to the next level doesn’t mean that he’s ready to (or worthy of you). So how can you tell if you should say “yes, please” or “maybe later?” If your relationship hasn’t passed these major milestones, it may be a sign that you should pass.
A man who hasn’t done these things to prove that he’s ready may not be, even if he thinks he is. So don’t go calling him your man just yet.
(As relayed by Lauren R.D. Fox based on a culmination of experiences)
My best friend Leah and I have traveled across the globe with one another for years, but the older I get, the more tired I grow of her sorority girl ways. Wherever we go, she believes she must act like a groupie in order to get things for free, even though she can afford them.
Leah’s also married with kids, so her behavior makes me feel like I’m a willing participant in her shady endeavors and then I feel guilty whenever I spend time her beautiful family.
During our last trip to carnival in Trinidad, Leah hooked up with multiple Soca artists so
we she could enjoy the VIP section in the parties we already paid hundreds of U.S. dollars for. Without me knowing, she promised my ex-party promoter boyfriend that I would sleep with him again if we could get free tickets to a reggae concert that we could easily have paid for. Don’t get me wrong, the discounts helped our pockets, but I’m not down with trading sexual favors for anything, especially extracurricular activities I can pay for myself.
Recently, Leah asked if I wanted to travel to Cuba with her but after our experience in Colombia, where she befriended two shady men and disappeared for two days, I want to pass on the trip. But should I tell Leah why and that her risky traveling behavior needs to stop?
Some of us believe that following a breakup, unfollowing your ex on social media sends the message that you’re clearly hurt over the split, and in some ways, displays a level of weakness or immaturity. But others believe that once it’s over, there’s no need to keep up with the goings on of your former flame whatsoever, so why follow them? Of course, it all depends on the person and where they are in terms of dealing with pain (or lack thereof) from the dissolution of the relationship. If it’s been a while and the romantic feelings are gone, following your ex probably feels the same as following an old classmate. It’s whatever. But if you haven’t fully moved forward, you’re setting yourself up for failure–and some hurt feelings.
At least, that’s what a new study featured in the journal of Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking states. About 464 individuals whom all have Facebook accounts and have experienced a split from an individual who also has a Facebook page were asked to take a survey about their social media habits and relationships. What researchers found was that 57 percent of participants were still “friends” on Facebook with their exes. Forty-six percent of these people said they still had exchanges with their exes through the social media site, but didn’t really talk outside of Facebook. They concluded that continuing to follow you ex, even if you don’t talk on the phone or anywhere else outside of social media, could have a major impact on your personal growth. In fact, the study points out that maintaining communication with them via social media could be a lot worse than actually having conversations on the phone and meeting up. Why? Because social media exposes you to facets of a person’s life that you wouldn’t know about otherwise. This kind of information, according to the study, can intensify heartbreak. That information includes seeing images of your ex with a new romantic interest, or viewing pictures of them super happy while you’re still feeling down in the dumps.
And yet, it was also found that Facebook exposure sometimes helped the individuals studied move on. As the results pointed out, those exes we don’t follow can “remain shrouded in an alluring mystique,” while those we see and know the whereabouts of can lose some of their luster in the post-breakup recovery process. Basically, you realize they’re not all that after all.
However, those behind the study said that overall, personal growth was mostly stunted for the large group of people who remained friends with their exes on social media.
As Tara Marshall, Ph.D., lead of the study and of the department of psychology at Brunel University in the U.K. told Mic, “The more you can minimize exposure, the more space you have to move on.”
Got it, doc. But I think we all knew that following our exes and delving into the lives they’re leading without us is far from healthy. They do call them an “ex” for a reason…
Any woman who has been on a date in the past few years has asked herself the question: “Why is it so hard to find a good man?” Date enough men who seem like they wouldn’t be a good fit for anyone and the question just so happens to pop up. Are all of the good men in hiding or are you the only one having trouble finding them?
Well, we’ve talked to lots of women and we’ve discovered that the problem isn’t us. Every woman has experienced the struggle because it is hard to find a good man now more than ever. But once you know what’s standing in your way from finding one, it’s easier to know where to look.
Now we want to know how you found your good man. Did you follow these rules? Or did you find your significant other in a surprising place? Share your story with us in the comment section.
The urgency to be in a relationship plagues quite a few women as they get older. I know from experience.
“When will the right man come around and stick around for longer than a few months?” “Will I ever have children?” “When will I finally be a bride and not a bridesmaid?” These are all valid questions that pop up in the minds of women as we progress in age. And while it’s a normal reaction to your love life when you’re single and more than ready to mingle, those are not the only questions that should be asked. What about, “Am I ready to be in a relationship?” and more importantly, “What do I bring to the table?”
If we’re all honest, some single women could be in a healthy relationship by now if it weren’t for their long checklist of criteria for a man. Good job. Good credit. Six-figure income. He has to be a homeowner. His body has to be great and his sex even better. Oh, and he has to frequent church. Needs to know how to dress. Loves his mama, but not a mama’s boy. No children. College degree, and so on and so forth. These things are realistic expectations, just maybe not all in one man. And even if they are, every man will bring something different to the table in a relationship, as will women; but isn’t it unfair to require a laundry list of characteristics out of a partner when what you can offer is a far cry from what you’re asking for?
You want him to make six figures, but you’re just getting by living from check to check. You want him to have a body like he hits the gym every day, but you know you haven’t seen the inside of a gym since high school. His credit has to be over 700 but yours is damaged from an excessive shopping habit. Maybe a man won’t care if you are struggling financially or if your credit score is “childish,” but with that in mind, it might be best if you show some of the same understanding.
Outside of reciprocated expectations, you also have to consider if you’re really ready to be in a relationship, physically, emotionally, and financially. Is your debt stressing you out so much that it will interfere with your relationship? Will you have to depend on him to dig you out of the mess you were in before he even stepped in the picture?
Are you even emotionally available? Are you still sexually and emotionally tied to a man who is adamant that he doesn’t want a relationship with you, leaving you disappointed and secretly saying, “Men ain’t sh*t” in your head multiple times a day? If so, shouldn’t you get your outlook together first?
It’s not another human being’s job to save us or make us complete. While no one will be perfect before, during, or after a relationship, you should want to make sure that you are a whole person before preparing for a significant other to arrive. Consider what you can offer another person in a relationship, and make sure it’s more good than bad. Furthermore, isn’t it unfair to require someone to have it all together when you don’t have it all yourself?
I spend a good bulk of my day reading blogs and writing for them, and every now and then, I’ll drop by the comment section to see what everyone thought and what the tone of the conversation is like. For one story in particular, pertaining to the pros and cons of being in an interracial relationship, I was amused by a comment that read, “Black women have a hard time finding men because y’all are overweight and out of shape.” I thought this was ironic since it was written by a Black woman, but she expressed that women who are skinny can basically get any man they want while the sisters on the hefty side have slim pickings. It was a comment clearly meant to troll, but it got me thinking.
Unless you’re superficial, I had never known weight to be a factor in determining whether or not someone was worthy of love unless there’s morbid obesity involved, and even then, there can still be someone for everyone. I thought about my own self and the extra weight that I currently carry. I thought about all that I have to offer as a person and as a woman and hoped that my thickness wouldn’t dissuade someone from pursuing me. With that in mind, I decided to gain a broader perspective on this way of thinking by asking a few people if weight was a factor in whether or not they decided to pursue someone.
“No, it isn’t a factor,” said one man. “But how they carry themselves, I do think that matters.” Carrying themselves, of course, wasn’t in reference to a person’s actual weight, but rather, their natural presentation. Is this person confident? Do they grapple with an overwhelming self-esteem issue that makes them a downer to be around? Do they not know how to dress for their body type? These are the things that mattered to this particular person, not a woman’s size.
“No, I don’t think her weight would make her undateable,” another man stated. “If she expressed that it was a problem for her then we could work out together.” In this particular individual’s case, he expressed that a healthy lifestyle is important to him and he would hope that a future partner valued good health as well. However, if it was something that affected her day to day and the way she felt about herself, then he would want to see a real effort made to turn things around.
One participant felt that if your heart is leading you in a person’s direction, why question it with superficial thoughts about weight?
“That depends on you. If it’s that big of a deal then don’t, but if it isn’t and it’s something you can look past then I say go for it if the person makes you happy. You should always want to be healthy and if the person isn’t, then lend them a helping hand, but don’t discredit them.”
There were a few people who stated that they were raised to believe that in their particular culture, weight can be viewed as a symbol of wealth. Still, they acknowledged that western views have shifted that perception and have set a different standard that the skinnier, the better. However, they choose not to pay attention to such unelightened guidelines of beauty.
But a few individuals felt that it is important for the lifestyle of your partner to merge well with your own, and that played a role in their stance.
“Honestly, I couldn’t date someone who is overweight and unhealthy because that isn’t my lifestyle,” a man said.
In the end, what makes someone dateable is completely relative to a person’s own lifestyle choices and preferences. A majority of the responses that I received seemed to entail more so of a worry about the mental effects of being overweight (confidence, self-esteem, habits) than the actual physical state of the person they would be pursuing. So, in summation of all the answers I received, no, the size of an individual doesn’t make them undateable, but how they feel about themselves does.
When I started dating my sophomore year of high school, I guess my mom figured there was strength in numbers when it came to thirsty senior guys plotting on my virginity. In defense, the only caveat that came with my early dating days was that I had to go out with a group of friends and not just the one guy. Unfortunately, a majority of the time those “group dates” turned into a threesome (not the sexual kind) of myself, whatever crush I had at the time and my single, dateless BFF. What I didn’t know was that it would be the beginning of a very long journey through love with a trusty third wheel.
Don’t get me wrong, I love having a friend to get my girl power on with whenever my husband say something completely chauvinistic and needs to be checked and no one wants to spend every single second of their free time up under their partner. However, I was the girl in the group who has always had a boyfriend and I am not sure if that is always a good thing. Either way if I wanted to see a movie, grab some Mexican food, go bowling, I’ve always had the comfort of knowing I didn’t have to ever be anyone’s third wheel, but for whatever reason, many of my friends have always had issues dating. I don’t think anyone should stay in an unhealthy relationship riddled with breakups and Facebook beef just to have someone to kick it with, but for some reason my friends can never even seem to find a guy who just wants to catch the latest Insidious flick and share some pretzels and cheese. Even today my husband and I aren’t attached at the hip, but in past long-term relationships I inevitably have always found myself juggling being girly and affectionate on a date night with my dude with cracking jokes with my BFF and obsessing over whether she’s really enjoying herself.
Look, I’m completely sympathetic to the fact that most women aren’t tripping out of their yoga pants to be the third wheel for their coupled up friends. But here’s a shocker for you if you’re completely unaware: Having a third wheel in tow can be awkward for everyone involved. I’m blessed to have a variety of people in my life that I love and most days I want us all to have fun together. But the truth is this world just isn’t designed for parties of three. For some reason odd numbers make otherwise fun and normal situations awkward, difficult and expensive. If you weren’t already feeling the slightest bit squeaky, here are a few more ways your third wheel status is making life a little more challenging for everyone involved:
Tinder recently announced that they will be banning users who are under 18 years of age. If you’re anything like us, the news probably has you wondering why they were ever allowed on the dating app in the first place; however, the answer to that question remains unclear at this time. According to Cosmopolitan, since its inception in 2012, Tinder has permitted teens between the ages of 13 and 17 to use the application.
“On a platform that has facilitated over 11 billion connections, we have the responsibility of constantly assessing our different user experiences,” Tinder explained in a statement. “Consistent with this responsibility, we have decided to discontinue service for under 18 users. We believe this is the best policy moving forward. This change will take effect next week.”
“We’ve been reviewing this policy since early this year and believe it’s the right thing to do,” Tinder VP of Communications Rosette Pambakian said of the changes, according to Tech Crunch.
Recently, developers for the app also announced that they will be making transgender-friendly updates to Tinder; however, it’s currently unclear what those changes will look like.