All Articles Tagged "dating game"
When a bitter breakup has brought you to your emotional knees, it’s hard to imagine that you’ll ever love again. But like the saying goes, time heals all wounds – and if you open up your heart again, it’s possible true love can find you. I’m not suggesting that you jump right back into dating before your tears have dried and your hurt has healed; it’s actually wise to take some time to reflect and reconnect with yourself after a breakup. But once you’ve let some time go by, you may start to wonder if you’re up for the challenge of dating again. Not sure if you’re ready yet? Here are some signs you may be ready to give love another try.
You would be surprised at how many of my friends have a crush on Neil deGrasse Tyson. Yeah I’m talking about the astrophysicist science guy, who is most known for reclassifying Pluto as just a stupid floating rock. Yeah, the black guy.
Now I know some are thinking, Neil deGrasse Tyson? For real? What is it, his cherub-like face? Perhaps it’s his circa 1990 “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” haircut? Maybe it’s his trademark intergalactic vest he is known to rock? How could any woman with vision find anything remotely crush-worthy in Neil deGrasse Tyson? Well, let’s start with the fact that in addition to his take down of linear thinking within the spiritually devout science community in The Perimeter of Ignorance, Tyson still refuses to call himself an atheist, instead claiming that the only ‘-ism’ he holds above all is science; And how he was cool enough to coin the term Manhattanhenge (which ironically was done six days ago), which describes the two days when the sun aligns perfectly with the cross streets within the Manhattan street grid. Oh and let’s not forget being boss enough to reclassify the so-called ninth planet in the solar system.
As Andrea Plaid, writer for Racialicious wrote earlier this year, Tyson is definitely crush worthy because he “… Doesn’t let bulls**t fly–and gets a bit impatient when it happens–because he’s just that no-nonsense? Oh yeah. Doesn’t create false dichotomies between science and art? Doesn’t, won’t, and refuses.”
Ladies, admit it: Neil deGrasse Tyson, particularly his knowledge of all these stars, the moon and quasars, makes him a pretty awesome dude. And while he can’t compete on the swagtastic, eye-candy level as say a Lance Gross or Idris Elba, he can definitely get “it.” Yeah throwing the cookies at a science nerd because he can actually calculate Newton’s law of gravity may seem a little extreme. But for many of us weary lady folks, who have gone through more than our share of the dudes who feel like that having a nice suit and car, a 401k plan and curly hair like Al B. Sure (whether it be real or with assistance from some sort of texturizer) is all that it takes to impress us, we know that the nerd dude is it.
I remember the first nerd I fell in love with. I had just turned 31 and had recently sworn off of men. By the time I was 30 I had been through a number of failed “relationships” including ones with drug dealers and car thieves, pretty boy womanizers, ones with several baby mommas, brainless sports and Xbox loving Neanderthals, dudes with a lots of cash but no heart, straight up bums, ones who were a momma’s basement away from being homeless and born-agains, and folks who were anything but Godly – basically any combination of the archetype of black manhood you could think of. Point is, I was done with men.
Anyway, I was at this folksy community harvest festival, probably looking sad and pitiful, when I was approached by this short pudgy dude with a Swatch watch and unidentifiable shoes. He was totally the opposite of what I was normally attracted too. I had it already in my mind that if this dude started talking to me, I was going to make an excuse and run away. But he said something funny. I can’t remember exactly what it was, but it made me smile. And since my smile was a dead giveaway that I was at the least amused, I had no choice but to engage in conversation. Well, we ended up talking for hours, laughing and joking at the event.
I am so grateful that I have really great guy friends with such interesting lives. I remember last month during the Toronto edition of Battle of The Sexes one of our female guests said that platonic friendships with men cease to exist because those friends were actually just waiting for a chance to get with her. I say SO WHAT! Women are to be desired, that’s nothing to be ashamed of or concerned over. Whether my male friends are just waiting for a chance they’ll never have or genuinely cool people- I’m grateful for them same way!
I have come up with three elements of game that men rarely open up about that more women need to be hip to. Ladies I got you, class is now in session!
*Men will return to your bed even if the sex is bad
Logically it doesn’t make sense, because for women if the sex feels bad it messes up our entire day. For men if sex is bad they will still find a way to get off and feel that release and come back a few times. They return because of logistics and not logic– if the location/situation is convenient and the numbers (body measurements) add up- Hi, how you doin’?
Check out the other two truths on HelloBeautiful.com.
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My Dating Life: The Wannabe Rapper, The “Successful” Black Man and Other Frogs That Preceded My Prince
by Lauren Carter
Up until four years ago, I’d never dated much. I was more of a serial monogamist who occasionally took breaks from relationships to lick my wounds. But after a breakup in 2008, I immersed myself in the local music and nightlife scene, met lots of seemingly available men and began a long and exhausting foray into the social jungle that is the dating world.
For nearly three years, I met men who liked me enough to keep me within their circle of dating prospects, but not enough to move the relationship from casual to serious. They’d call me and text me and take me places and express all kinds of desires, just none of the long-term variety. At first I was fine with the casual relationships, but over time I got bored with the dating treadmill and longed for something more substantial.
Eventually, I found it, at McDonald’s of all places (but that’s another story). Looking back on my unintentional dating marathon, I realize why it took me so long to settle into a relationship. Because I had been dating these men:
The Successful Black Man – The Successful Black Man is a living, breathing chick magnet, and he knows it. He has a good job and a nice car, he lives on his own and has plenty of cash to globe-trot with all of his friends, all of whom are also Successful Black Men. He’s handsome and fit, has no kids and no prison bids to his credit. At first, meeting and dating the Successful Black Man feels like winning the lottery, until you realize that every other woman who meets and dates this Man thinks the same thing, and he knows this as well. Ultimately, this Man is so busy being the ultimate catch that he is perpetually “exploring his options” and doesn’t have the time or desire for a relationship with you. Dating, yes. Glamorous nights on the town when you cut the long line at the club and momentarily feel like a superstar, yes. But a committed relationship, not so much.
The Wannabe Rapper – The Wannabe Rapper is grinding hard. He’s writing lyrics and recording songs and performing at shows and promoting his latest CD all hours of the day and night. So the Wannabe Rapper doesn’t really have time for a girlfriend, unless she looks like those girls you see in rap videos, and even then he’d probably need a side chick. If he asks you to hang out, it will usually be a thinly-veiled booty call. And when you tell him he needs to step his game up, he might take you out to dinner, but only with a gift card he won at work. He has money to invest in his rap career, you see, but not to spend on you. And trust that if you’re hanging out with him on Tuesday, some other girl is spending Wednesday night at his house – excuse me, his parents’ house, because that’s where he lives while he’s trying to make it as a rapper, even though he’s pushing 30. Deep down, Wannabe Rapper is a decent guy, and he’s actually pretty funny, but he’s too busy trying to be a rapper, down to living the cliché rap lifestyle and keeping multiple women on standby, to be your boyfriend.
Brown face and racial hypersensitivity strike again in the case of Ashton Kutcher’s new Popchips ad campaign. Set up like the dating game, the online campaign for “World Wide Lovers Dating Service” features Kutcher playing a British weed head named Nigel, a Southern biker named Swordfish, and a Karl Lagerfeld-like fashion mogul. But it’s Kutcher’s impersonation of a 39-year-old Bollywood producer that has caused alarm because of the stereotypical Indian accent and “brownface” that go along with it.
Immediately after going viral, New York writer and entrepreneur Anil Dash demanded an apology for the “ignorance” of Internet ad spot, saying:
“I think the people behind this Popchips ad are not racist. I think they just made a racist ad, because they’re so steeped in our culture’s racism that they didn’t even realize they were doing it.”
In the clip, which has already been pulled due to the angered response from Dash, Brooklyn-based hip-hop group Das Racist, and several tweeters, Raj makes comments like:
“I’m Raj, I’m a Bollywood producer. I’m looking for the most delicious thing on the planet, like Kardashian hot … I would give that dog a bone.”
Though it’s easy to see where that type of caricature could ruffle a few feathers, a spokesman for the company insists there was no racist intent behind the ad’s creation.
“The new popchips worldwide dating video and ad campaign featuring four characters was created to provoke a few laughs and was never intended to stereotype or offend anyone,” the spokesperson said. “At popchips we embrace all types of shapes, flavors and colors, and appreciate all snackers, no matter their race or ethnicity. We hope people can enjoy this in the spirit it was intended.”
If Raj were the sole character in this ad then I would be more inclined to think it was a tad insensitive, but since Kutcher mimics several stereotypical types of personas in this ad, the backlash seems a little over the top. What do you think? Check out the ad here and let us know.
Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.
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I’m a 35 year old mother of 3 and recently started dating a 25 year old man. He has a career, knows how to treat a lady, has one child, responsible and other things that I look for in a man. However, I have doubts in my head about our age difference and yet another one, HEIGHT! lol He is 5’8 and I’m 5’11. I never thought I’d be dating a shorter man, let alone a much younger man. Am I being unrealistic? Or do you think a younger man could actually want something long term with an older, taller woman?
Unsure About Short Suitor
Dear Unsure About Short Suitor,
Out of all of the characteristics men and women use to eliminate potential love interests, I have to say that “He’s a great guy, but he’s a little shorter than me.” amuses me the most. Why? Well, when you ask the woman why exactly they couldn’t date a man shorter than them, 9.9 times out of 10 the answer has nothing to do with her and everything to do with everyone else. They then usually try to justify this feeling with a scenario that will never, ever, ever, ever happen.
“How’s it going to look when I’m wearing my 9 inch heels on a date and the waiter tries to hit on me because he assumes my man is my little brother?”
“How’s it going to look when I bring him to the family reunion and his A$$ is the last person picked for volleyball?”
“What if we get married and his short A$$ gets lost underneath my gown? Who’s going to want to look at those wedding pictures???”
Now, I understand why most women would prefer to be with a man who’s at least as tall as they are. From what I understand, it helps some women feel safer and, more importantly, more feminine. But, at the same time, many of the evolutionary reasons why it was necessary to have a bigger/taller men don’t really exist anymore. There are no wooly mammoths on the Saks Fifth Serengeti. Wooly crackheads, maybe, but all you need to guard yourself from them is sunlight.
Also, Unsure About Short Suitor, I don’t want to be too offensive, but 35 year old women with multiple children may have to make some, um, “adjustments” to their standards if they want to be coupled up. Not saying you need to settle for a wack guy, but if a man has a ton of qualities you’re looking for, it’s probably not in your best interests to pass him up because he didn’t come in the right package. If you’re not careful, that package may be the last good gift you get for a long time.
Damon Young (aka The Champ)
Dating often comes with so many rules. Do this, don’t do that. But when you push away all the fluff and see through the superficial aspects of dating, it comes down to a lengthy search for Mr. Right. Many stereotypes and misconceptions come with dating and can cloud our view of reality and judgment… not what we want to happen on a date. Take a look at these 8 dating myths that need to be eliminated sooner than later.