All Articles Tagged "dating an older man"
The dating world can be unpredictable, to say the least! Sometimes there is no telling who you will hit it off with and who you won’t. This means that you may end up dating an older man, without intentionally doing it. If you’re in a relationship with an older guy, there are some definite do’s and don’ts as well as some advice you’ll want to know. Here are 14 tips if you are dating an older man.
We’ve all heard the saying “You have to kiss a few toads before you meet your prince” and likewise you have to date different types of guys to decide who is or isn’t right for you. Some of the guys you date may have potential, while others are potentially all wrong, but still each provide a lesson worth learning or a good time worth having.
You can date all great guys and never really appreciate them because you’ve never experienced a relationship with a bad one. You can say all men are immature but it wouldn’t be a fair accusation if you have never explored a relationship with an older man. This is all to say that you should at least consider your dating options before deciding who or what is your type.
1. Mr. Boris Kodjoe or Idris Elba (depending on your flavor)
He could be shallow or have a lot of women. While you may not want to consider getting too serious with him to avoid the heartbreak, you can at least enjoy his presence for a few dates. Men aren’t the only ones who enjoy a little eye-candy; and there is nothing wrong with dating a man solely based on his looks, at least once.
Q: “I’m 47 years and my boyfriend lives with me. I’ve been very depressed and confused lately. I haven’t had relations with my boyfriend for six months, due to his decreased libido. He has seen the doctor who says it may stem from his high blood pressure and possibly his age—he’s over 50. I’m also trying to cope with loving myself. I have low self-esteem and I want to please everybody; family, friends and strangers. But at the end of the day, I’m sad. I want some affection and attention from my man, and I want to learn how to love myself too. What to do?”
See what celebrity psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake has to say about this situation on Essence.com.
By Valerie Jean-Charles
A few weeks ago, a conversation emerged on my Twitter timeline discussing whether or not black women should seek older men for dating and relationships. Many young women may hold the belief that an older man will be more established in his career, more protective and eager to settle down with one woman. Yet, as someone who has dated older, I now know this is not always the case. There are a few major differences in the way that older men do things that any young black woman should respectfully consider before embarking on a May-December romance.
One of the first factors a woman should weigh is that an older man may not be as mature as she might assume him to be. The general assumption is that a man of a certain age will be very mature, what with the assumption that he’s gotten all of the partying and “playing” out of his system. A man should be judged individually for what emotional and mental state he presently is in, not for where society dictates he should be at a certain age. My experience has taught me that there are plenty of men who are well into their 30s and 40s who still possess the behavioral traits of an early-20 something, college-campus playboy. Unless you are looking for a fun and light partnership, such a man – regardless of age – is not the type to pick when ready to settle into a serious relationship. Trust, the old saying, “with age comes wisdom” does not apply to everyone. More or less, the experiences of a man can be what makes him more mature, or what has him getting his Benjamin Button on behavior-wise.
On that note, another major difference that is sure to arise is the large gap in life experiences. Although, a young lady may feel as if she is too mature for men her age, her lack of experience will more than likely cause her to come off as young, inexperienced and even immature in front of an older man. Let’s face it: the things we experience by the time we are in our mid-20s will pale in comparison to the journeys and obstacles we will have endured 10-20 years down the line. A woman in her 20s can only act as what she is – a young adult, no matter how mature she is. Such a difference in life experiences can prove to be thrilling at first. He may be invigorated by her youth, while she is enthralled and inspired by his background and knowledge. But the very things that may cause a strong connection, may threaten it. The power dynamic may be more tipped in the man’s favor due to his array of experiences and age. Being older, the man may be more grounded in his beliefs and habits, being less likely to change them; regardless of how they may affect his partner. The younger woman, on the other hand, may grow weary of the adviser role the man may assume, feeling as if he is being more condescending than mentoring, more stubborn than willing to compromise.
Lastly, a woman should consider if she is ready for what she is asking for in a relationship with an older man. She may feel as if she is ready to settle down, when in actuality that may be the farthest thing she needs, and even understands. An older man may be at the point in his life where he is ready to find a wife – and not just a girlfriend. He may be hoping to get married in a couple of years, with babies soon to follow. A younger woman must really ask herself if she is truly ready to experience such life changing events, and willing to give to her significant other what he is asking for. On the other hand, there are some older men who have already been married and have children, and may not wish to have anymore, or go through the experience a second time around. Because of that, they might want to take things at a snail’s pace. A young woman should weigh whether or not she is ready to make such definite decisions that may affect the rest of her life and alter plans she’s had for herself.
I am, by no means, slamming or demonizing May-December relationships. As I have learned in the past, they can be both thrilling and daunting, and some can be a big success. It all depends on the guy. With more and more articles continuing to question the marriageability of black women, I understand why some may look at men they may not have considered before. And I do advocate for women to keep their choices open as love is such an indiscriminate force. However, I do ask that we keep our heads leveled when trying something new, especially when picking mates who are more seasoned than us.
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If you’re in your 50’s and he’s in his 70’s, no big deal. And lucky him by the way. You’ve both basically done all the personal growth you’re going to do. You’ve both gotten your wilder years out of the way, and you’ve both lived full lives with satisfying careers and plenty of travel (hopefully). But, when you’re younger, every year, even every half year, changes come, meaning different concerns, different priorities and overall different mentalities. You want someone whose knowledge and experience will complement—even supplement—your own. And it’s a very particular aged man who can do that. To be a cougar or try your hand with an older man? If you miss the mark, you’ll be dealing with these issues: