According to the U.S. Census Bureau there are 14 million single parent families in America today.  A whopping 83.1 percent of those families are headed by single mothers and 16.9 percent are headed by single fathers. What does this mean for many single women in the dating game?  With single parent families continuing to be on the rise it means that many of the men you meet will most likely already come with a ready-made family.

Dating a single father can be a tricky situation; because, in many ways you are not only dating him, but his children as well.  Not only do you have to deal with the pressure that can come with making your best impression on him, but if he is ever going to consider a long-term relationship with you, you will have to fall in his children’s good graces as well.  More than likely there may be tense and uncomfortable moments along the way, and while you can’t control how well everyone involved will adjust to the situation, you can control how you respond and behave so that you can maintain your sanity.

This relationship won’t be like any other relationship you’ve ever had, and if you find yourself developing serious feelings it’s important to ask yourself if it’s really for you.  Do you like kids?  Did you ever plan to have any of your own?  Will he still want to start a family with you since he already has children?  It’s important to communicate with your partner about how you see your lives blending together in the long run and be realistic about what you can handle.

So it’s about 6 months into the relationship with the man you think might be the one, and it’s time to meet the little ones who are proud to call him Dad.  How about we start with expectations.

1. Be honest with yourself about what you should expect from the relationship as far as time commitments and your place in your man’s life.  His kids will be his first priority and he shouldn’t feel like he’s placed in a situation where he has to choose between his relationship with you or his children.  If you can’t handle the division of attention, the time to bail is now before you meet his kids and before either of you invest any more time or emotion.

2. Stability is a major factor in the healthy development of children. To decide that this relationship isn’t worth your energy after the children have formed attachments to you could be devastating for them.  You shouldn’t have to feel like a hostage in a relationship that you’ve discovered isn’t working just because you’ve bonded with his kids; but at the same time, children aren’t house plants either.  They have feelings and opinions and although it may seem like your presence doesn’t matter either way, it may actually be a pretty big deal to them.

3. Keep in mind that no one expects you to be mother of the year initially.  In fact, in many cases there will already be a mother in the picture and neither your man nor his kids are probably looking for anyone to take her place.  Being a mother is something that even the best birth mothers need some time to get accustomed to, so don’t beat yourself up if you don’t become a lethal combo of Claire Huxtable and Carol Brady overnight.  Muster up whatever maternal
nature you can find and make an effort to be kind and considerate.