All Articles Tagged "date"
Laides, have you ever found yourself in the throws of a breakup, shuffling between the idea of flying free and re-entering the brutal, yet, noncommittal world of dating versus settling for uniformity and familiarity to avoid the dating game all together while remaining in a state of constant misery? Yes? Well, check this out, the reality of the situation is this: tigers – the don’t change stripes. In other words, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. In short, you cannot change a man or manipulate him to do so! Of course, there are some redeeming qualities about him that you’d like to see grow into a normal pattern of behavior for him, right? Then there’s that “potential” he has. Well, guess what? You cannot marry, invest or place your faith in said “potential” and if you’ve been waiting around for months or years for a man to show you the person you see in him despite what he’s been showing you – it’s time. Cut the cord. You’re not getting any younger and you can’t wait for him to be what you need, he either is or he isn’t – period. Let’s not kid ourselves here!
So here’s the deal, ladies! Chances are, you know it’s over before it’s official to a point where you can distinctly remember the beginning of the end, right? Once you get to the point where you’ve simply had enough and you know beyond the shadow of a doubt, he’s just not the one for you. Move on … and do so swiftly!
As a rule of thumb, we know men tend to maintain a deep desire for what they can’t have. Like vultures, they repeat the arial circling, patiently stalking you until the love that you once prioritized dies. In other words, there are always men waiting in the rafters for you to become single again. You know the ones, they hit you with the “well, when he messes up with you, come holler at a real dude,” meaning himself. Then you have the guy who’s like “oh, you not allowed to have friends? What’s the harm in a coffee one morning?” There are always a few waiting, so don’t waste your time sitting at home on a Friday night singing sad love songs and drowning your sorrows with wine and fat snacks. Why? Why go into a hole about it? Get out there! Don’t wait, date! Disclaimer: If you’re a total wreck, crying uncontrollably and inconsolable, by all means, sit out for a few more weeks and get it together, pronto!
There’s just a few simple rules to follow though, ladies. So here’s the rub – you already know that men are going to test you and try to take advantage of your situation – they just can’t help themselves because they’re looking for an in. They’re going to pry and ask a slew of questions as to why you’re suddenly single and those questions are strictly off limits! No matter how bad you want a “male perspective” leave it alone. A simple, “I don’t want to talk about it” will quickly change the subject and if he’s relentless – go radio silent on him. You can show him better than you can tell him. Boom!
Another rule to adhere to – no pickups or drop offs! Not only is this a trap, it’s a setup! After a few too many, you might be feeling a little uninhibited and end up doing something you’re not mentally ready for. Find somewhere reasonably close to meet him and – arrive separate and leave separate! Girl, go home … alone!
Also, be sure to keep the first few dates a simple as possible. Go for pizza, a tapas bar, coffee, a walk in the park – something along those lines. This allows you the space to dress down and set a friendly tone versus one of romance! We’re not busting out the best dress and sexy stilettos just yet, less is more and make him work to see you all dolled up! He can wait … and he will!
Remember, we’re not jumping out there to find love or pursue a new relationship son after a breakup, we’re doing this to test the waters to a.) remember what it’s like to actually date b.) understand what it is within ourselves we should be working on in terms of relating to the opposite sex i.e, am I bitter? am I carrying excess baggage? am I seriously that far removed from the dating scene I forgot how to do this? c.) enjoy yourself in the company of a man.
Ladies, listen – trust and believe, your ex is not sitting at home crying in his cereal over you so it’s best you do the same, keep it pushing and enjoy yourself in the meantime! Don’t wait, date!
Get this: 43 percent of women suffer from sexual dysfunction (low libido, infrequent orgasms, painful intercourse) and, according to a new study published in the journal Sexual Medicine, it may be a result of their personality.
Previous research has shown poor health and diseases, like diabetes, can contribute to sexual dysfunction or disorder. Yet there’s little known about the influence a person’s personality and her reactions to stressful situations can have.So researchers surveyed 50 women who, at the time, were receiving treatment for sexual dysfunction. They were given personality tests to see the kinds of characterics they identified with most — extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, emotional stability, and openness to experience — and then asked to rate their coping mechanisms, e.g., acceptance versus venting. Depending on how we cope, the study says, we can either increase or decrease the stress of a situation.
Read more about sex and personalities at YourTango.com
From Single Black Male
I had to learn the hard way that every date is not a date. How so, you may ask. If it looks like a date, talks like a date, and the man pays like it’s a date…then one would likely look to call it a date. Right?
I met him at an industry event and immediately thought that he was great eye candy. This girl is not good at being the aggressor so when I found myself standing next to my instant crush and he began to engage me in small talk, I was pleasantly surprised. Offering a little flirtatious vibe, I felt that my job was done. I had sealed the deal. However, he didn’t ask for my number, nor my email address, and forget the most generic of them all, my business card. Nothing.
I wasn’t disappointed though. I simply took the exchange for what it was: two people chatting at a great event. No harm in that. By the time I got to my apartment and kicked my heels off of my throbbing feet, he was a distant memory. To my knowledge we didn’t have any mutual friends so I thought that I would never see him again.
Read more about this author’s date at SingleBlackMale.org
From Single Black Male
There was a ton of stuff I wanted to talk about this week; don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere soon. I’ll get around to it pretty soon. Faced with the decision to do a post on why I don’t think watching adult entertainment is a bad thing, that poor white-Asian girl in the yoga class that y’all Black women want dead, or a recent article that talks about why relationships have never been better yet we keep acting like they’re in dire need of repair, I chose to write about background searches on potential dating partners. I had to be a man of my word and since I’ve told a few people who read SBM that I would tackle this topic, I figured I’d get it out of the way. (Plus, we are so OVER this yoga shit, please do not comment about it in the comment section.)
I’ll be brief.
The topic of google’ing or doing a background search on a potential dating partner is quite frankly ridiculous. I mean, it’s 2014 and I know technology is prevalent but we have to keep some things sacred and that’s privacy and courting. Moreover, it speaks to the type of person you date, have dated or would like to date when you have to Google them to see if anything pops up. Is it too hard for you to find out about person the old fashioned way, you know, like face to face? Maybe it is because more and more people are doing this and not even having any shame in their game. It’s disgusting, it’s ugly and it’s foul. In the words of my line brother, it is a hot ass mess.
There’s a few things that I want to point out about this but before I do I want to preface it by saying, I’m very well aware that this post will not change anyone’s mind about snooping on someone’s background. (Didn’t expect me to call it that did you? But that is exactly what it is.) At this point, you’re already set in your ways and the only way you’ll stop is… well let’s get to that later.
Remember this tid piece of information I used to say often and it has now become my favorite quote: “People’s suspicions are deeply rooted in what they would do in similar situations.” Basically what this means as it pertains to background checks, the reason your most likely to do a background search is because you know that you have skeletons in your closet that you don’t want people to find out and you think that it’s possible the person you’re dating does as well. Even if you don’t, you are saying that if you did have something to hide like a marriage, criminal record, or financial hardships you would hide it.
Read more on doing background checks on people at SingleBlackMale.org
First dates can be exciting, anxiety-filled, and awkward all at once. One of the biggest issues that can turn a first date sour is conversation, more so the lack of conversation. Without quality conversation on the first date, there’s bound to be awkward silences, weird topics, and one-sided talking that can make the whole date a wash. Before going on a date, be prepared to talk! Here are 14 proven conversation starters to get things going.
Though this may be hard to hear, there are some habits us women have that can easily, yet unknowingly, draw men away from us. If you’ve been trying to figure out why you’ve been single for so long, this list may help you narrow down some possibilities. Here are 14 reasons men don’t want to date you, and when you do date a man, things don’t last long nor do they go very far.
Women and men alike can fall into all sorts of dating traps. With everyone coming into relationships with different dating experiences, it’s not uncommon for someone to fall into a bad dating pattern and continue on with it out of habit. But that’s not what you want to so. So, here are 11 of the most common dating traps that people seem to fall into as well as four ways to avoid falling into them altogether.
If you have ever tried your hand at online dating, chances are, you’ve undoubtedly encountered at least one of these six guys. But have you ever thought about what’s behind the common profile type, and whether or not he’d make a good boyfriend? With these men, you should read the red warning signs.
The Clueless Guy
He posts pictures of himself surrounded by beautiful women who are wearing very little clothing, as if he’s looking for the next member of his harem. Or he posts a picture of himself wearing an “FBI: Female Body Inspector” T-shirt, and thinks it’s cool.
Why you shouldn’t date him: This guy is probably not looking for anything remotely serious. And if he is, he’ll likely lack any intuition about how his actions will make you feel.
Mr. New Beginnings
On his profile, he talks about how he never thought he’d be dating again or how he’s new to the dating arena. It is clear from his narrative that he’s just come out of a serious relationship, one he had hoped would last.
Why you shouldn’t date him: He’s not emotionally ready to move on if he’s still dwelling on where he’s just been.
He makes a specific list of traits to which you’ll have to measure up. You must love to cook, be of a certain height, be very sensual, speak three languages, and have traveled to at least five countries.
Why you shouldn’t date him: With the perfectionist, everything will likely be calculated and you’ll always have to adhere to some predetermined set of standards. He won’t be able to adapt to change or just relax.
Read more at YourTango.com
Too many women confuse feeling empowered with acting like a “ball-buster.” Empowered dating is all about embracing and exposing your most uncomfortable, vulnerable and tender feelings. Empowered dating is about being brave enough to sit in the anxious, yucky, totally-out-of-your-comfort-zone feelings associated with letting down your guard.
So how do you do that? The key is to allow yourself to feel and share your “emotional nakedness” with men while having a sense of ownership of your emotions. Owning your feelings will let you feel more comfortable sharing your true self and will help him feel safer in acknowledging those feelings.
1. Be vulnerable, but never susceptible. The difference between being a soft, sensitive woman a man would want to snatch up and love forever and being a needy, over-emotional, dramatic woman who makes men run away, has everything to do with susceptibility. Are you susceptible to losing yourself in a man? Are you susceptible to feeling overwhlemed with neediness and other insecurities? Do you allow your feelings for a man to make you so weak for him that you compromise your self-respect and dignity just to connect with him?
Read more on YourTango.com.
If I had a nickel for every time I heard a woman say “he has to pay to play,” I would own a professional football team by now. That mindset of entitlement totally baffles me. Shucks, it sounds more like a professional arrangement (wink, wink!) than a woman looking for love.
While I’m still al little old school about certain things, deciding who pays for the date is just not one of them. Frankly, I’m shocked at how many women still hold on to outdated dating traditions while demanding new school relationship status.
Hold on. I can already see you giving me a little side eye right about now, so let me explain. I’m not saying a woman should start paying right out of the gate (unless, of course, you ask him out), but once a man has made his level of interest clear, and has been consistent with his intentions, then it’s time for you to step up. Here are seven reasons why:
1. Because it’s considerate: At least offering to pay shows a guy that you are not “on the take.” If you are thoughtful about his financial situation now, then you will be even more considerate as the relationship progresses. Many men won’t accept the offer, especially not in the beginning, but it’s an honorable gesture. Men like to feel valuable, desired, important, respected and loved.
Check the other six reasons on Essence.com.