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From YourTango

Too many women confuse feeling empowered with acting like a “ball-buster.” Empowered dating is all about embracing and exposing your most uncomfortable, vulnerable and tender feelings. Empowered dating is about being brave enough to sit in the anxious, yucky, totally-out-of-your-comfort-zone feelings associated with letting down your guard.

So how do you do that? The key is to allow yourself to feel and share your “emotional nakedness” with men while having a sense of ownership of your emotions. Owning your feelings will let you feel more comfortable sharing your true self and will help him feel safer in acknowledging those feelings.

 1. Be vulnerable, but never susceptible. The difference between being a soft, sensitive woman a man would want to snatch up and love forever and being a needy, over-emotional, dramatic woman who makes men run away, has everything to do with susceptibility. Are you susceptible to losing yourself in a man? Are you susceptible to feeling overwhlemed with neediness and other insecurities? Do you allow your feelings for a man to make you so weak for him that you compromise your self-respect and dignity just to connect with him?

Read more on YourTango.com.

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From Essence

If I had a nickel for every time I heard a woman say “he has to pay to play,” I would own a professional football team by now. That mindset of entitlement totally baffles me. Shucks, it sounds more like a professional arrangement (wink, wink!) than a woman looking for love.

While I’m still al little old school about certain things, deciding who pays for the date is just not one of them. Frankly, I’m shocked at how many women still hold on to outdated dating traditions while demanding new school relationship status.

Hold on. I can already see you giving me a little side eye right about now, so let me explain. I’m not saying a woman should start paying right out of the gate (unless, of course, you ask him out), but once a man has made his level of interest clear, and has been consistent with his intentions, then it’s time for you to step up. Here are seven reasons why:

1. Because it’s considerate: At least offering to pay shows a guy that you are not “on the take.” If you are thoughtful about his financial situation now, then you will be even more considerate as the relationship progresses. Many men won’t accept the offer, especially not in the beginning, but it’s an honorable gesture. Men like to feel valuable, desired, important, respected and loved.

Check the other six reasons on Essence.com.

The wait is over ladies. We promised you an eligible, attractive bachelor and here he is: Eyan Edwards, a New Yorker by way of St. Croix. We don’t want to speak for Eyan so we suggest you play the video above and let the juiciness speak for itself. And if you’re interested in getting to know this man a little more, drop him a line at manofthemoment@madamenoire.com. Enjoy!

MORE MAN OF THE MOMENT

• Episode 1: Todd Anthony
• Episode 2: Sneak Peek: Eyan Edwards 
• Episode 3: Eyan Edwards 
• Episode 4: Sneak Peek: Gideon Emmanuel
• Episode 5: Gideon Emmanuel
• Episode 6: Sneak Peek: Jarvis
• Episode 7: Jarvis

Women like to shade other ladies with questionable or busy pasts, but it’s clear a lot of men don’t feel the same way. These 15 celebrities didn’t care where their boo-thangs had been before they dated, slept with,  or married them — and they don’t care what we have to say about it either.

Source: WENN

Lil Wayne

We couldn’t start this list without acknowledging the man who inspired the headline. When you come out with a song titled, “Prostitute Flange” and announce, “I Wouldn’t Care If You Were a Prostitute and You Hit Every Man That You Ever Knew. See It Wouldn’t Make A Difference If That Was Way Before Me And You Girl,” you can only assume he’s living what he’s rapping about. We can’t say if he was literally speaking on the past of ex-girlfriend Trina, who joined him on that track, but every now and again Weezy’s face pops up in an Instagram pic with a random groupie, and that special relationship he has with Superhead is oh so suspect.

You just got your hair did, you’ve put on your cute little dress, and your wearing those hot heels that give you legs for days. Yup, you’re going on a first date.  You can just picture it now, some fine gentleman takes you out for the night, sweeps you off your feet and leaves you breathless by the end. So…what happens when things don’t go quite as planned? Do you hold on in the hopes that your fantasy will come true by the end of the night? Or do you exit stage left just as quickly as you came in? Here are some signs that your date is going downhill fast and it’s time to abandon ship!

He Takes You To A Bad Venue

There’s nothing worse than arriving at an unappealing location for your first date. Not only are you about to spend a few hours with a stranger, but you have to do it at one of the most boring/uncomfortable places possible. Or even worse, one of the loudest most seedy joints around (the kind that look like a fight could break out at any minute). This may also be a sign that you and your date do not share similar interests. Either suggest a different location quickly or get ready for a very long night.

Source: Madame Noire

Want to look good for your next date, but not looking to splurge for your look? Looking the part for a date should be effortlessly chic, but not rob your pockets. Looking good for your next date night doesn’t have to come with a hefty price tag. Do your research, prepare ahead of time and save some money to look just as good on a budget!

Here is how you can do it!

Read the rest of this entry »

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How important is it to make a good first impression? Does the first impression someone gives define who they are? It is said that first impressions last forever, and the first thing you do is the last thing someone remembers. In most cases these statements are true because what you do, what you say, and the way you look will lead people to summarize who you are in less than five minutes.

In the world of dating, we all know that a first date is designed for two people who are interested in each other to get to know each other on a beginning personal level to see if there is a possibility of engaging in a relationship. During a first date, people generally engage in casual conversation over dinner to learn if they have any similar interests while simultaneously observing each other’s actions. Many people spend hours, or even days preparing for a date with someone in order to put their best foot forward, and to give an impressive impression. But how many people give a different impression from who they truly are on a first date, and why?

Most people have the tendency to mask who they truly are on a first date because they don’t want to reveal too much about who they really are to someone they barely know because they may not be comfortable around them yet, they may fear that the person will not accept them for who they are, or they may lack self-knowledge and confidence in who they are. Holding back your authentic personality from someone on a first date has its pros and cons. The pros of holding back your true inner identity will allow you to keep a mysterious persona, which will entice the person to want to learn more about who you are, which in turn can lead to more intriguing conversations and dates. It will also allow you to observe the other person’s character which can help you decide if you want to pursue a relationship with them. The cons of holding back your inner identity is that the person may think you are someone you are not, and when the real you is revealed they may not like who you really are. Also, if you are presenting someone else on a first date, other than who you are, the person may think that you are a phony and begin to question your integrity.

When going on a first date, it is important to put your best foot forward, but it is also important to stay true to yourself. When you don’t stay true to yourself, you take on the identity of a stranger and that identity becomes a part of you that you may have to adjust to, which in turn leads you to become someone that you may or may not like or recognize. When prepping to go on a first date, you should consider where the date will take place, and dress to act accordingly; however this does not mean to step completely outside of who you are.

Many women have the tendency to go the extra mile to impress a man by putting on extra make up outside of their daily routine, purchase new clothing, wearing uncomfortable shoes and under garments to give an extraordinary impression to someone that may be around for a brief moment. We even compromise places to go just to impress our companion in hopes of starting a relationship, when the reality is this is only a first date and nothing more. Now granted, a first date can lead to the beginning of a beautiful relationship, but you want the person you are interacting with to know who you are. And while it takes time to truly get to know someone, it helps to give them a good start by being who you know how to be.

First impressions indeed last forever, and you want to be sure that the impression you give on a first date is the person you are and will be on dates to come, and if someone doesn’t like you for who you are, then they are not worthy of your time. How many times have you altered who you are to impress someone? Why? Did it work?

Liz Lampkin is the Author of “Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For?” Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin

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Kim Kardashian should not expect double dating with Jay and Bey any time soon. With her high profile new beau, Kim K. might be expecting a little too much from dating and “parlaying” with Kanye West, including hoping to get a bit closer to Queen Bey.

According to Hello Beautiful and multiple sources, allegedly:

Kim had visions of her and Beyonce hanging out while Jay and Kanye talked music and business, but it’s not going to happen. Bey’s marriage to Jay-Z was extremely private, and neither of them confirmed it until long after the event. Kim, on the other hand, turned her wedding into a media circus, and the whole thing was filmed for a reality show. Bey thought that it was really tacky and is not a fan of reality TV, either. Bey is used to hanging out with Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow—she’s in a totally different league to Kim.

Multiple sources, like The Urban Daily, have also reported that Kris Jenner allegedly has a STRONG (if not thirsty) interest in having Beyoncé and Jay-Z on the upcoming season of the family’s reality show, “Keeping Up With The Kardashians.”

This comes as no surprise, as celebrity couples date in the eye of the public and some like to flaunt their notable connections to other stars to gain press, views, money and more. In the case of Kim and Kanye, their ever-evolving union is suspect as they were allegedly only “friends” for years just a minute ago. But since the break-up of Kanye and former arm candy, Amber Rose, the model put a spotlight on the two. Kim was accused of being a ‘homewrecker’ by the model, allegedly getting in between their relationship and eventually causing it to fail. So who knows, this could be Kim and Kanye’s way of milking that unexpected controversy to get attention, or, they really could be serious about one another…*Kanye shrug*

But due to her fan base, fame and sometimes the very personal slander against her and her family, Beyoncé is known as a very private celebrity, and her alleged reservations about being associated with Kim seem to be justified by Kim’s very public life. So to say that Kim shouldn’t expect to be Beyoncé’s BFF by dating Kanye is probably right. And if Bey and Jay do decide to double date with these two, let’s just say that that will definitely be a sad day in Hollywood.

Away from the public eye, dating and forming a relationship with someone is less of a spectacle, but questionable intentions are sometimes still there. Whether your new beau happens to be a notable partner at the law firm, player at your job or in your field, or a respected member of your church, have you evaluated your “true” intentions for dating them? Could you be dating someone for their status and the connections they have, or vice versa?

Although it might not be as noticeable, it should still be evaluated the same. Yes, a relationship is a give and take partnership, but make sure the intentions of both parties are pure, not professionally or personally beneficial. Nobody likes feeling or being used.

Are you benefiting from your partner, or is your partner benefiting from you in the wrong ways? Here are three problems with that type of relationship:

1. It leaves room for speculation and criticism

None of us like to be criticized for our relationship status or the reasons behind it, but a relationship based on convenience will always be questioned, whether the intentions are pure or not. And as if your parents or friends needed another reason to be nosey about your relationships.

2. What’s really keeping that person around?

While you would probably like to think that your man is with you because you’re just that amazing, if you’re being used, once what he’s trying to get from you is gone or withheld (money, contacts, sex, etc), you’re going to be left faster than a bad hairdresser who doesn’t understand the definition of a “trim” (the opposite of a big chop). Being used like that and allowing it to happen in the hopes that something real will form can bring on more heartbreak than is necessary.

3. What type of statement are you making about yourself?

And if you are the user in this relationship, how are you representing yourself, taking part in a relationship that doesn’t seem meaningful? It could come across as saying that you are only the type of person who dates for status, money, convenience, etc. I’m not saying that you’re a goldigger, but…you kind of are.

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The game has changed; and according to about 99% of the people who are sick of basketball wives’ antics, the change is not for the better.

Tanya Young, ex-wife of New Jersey Nets player Jayson Williams, recently talked to the Daily Beast about the difference between dating an athlete now and when she first met her ex in the 90s.

“When I met and married Jayson 20 years ago, the wives and girlfriends received no attention at all. No one cared who they were married to or who they were dating.

“No one noticed you, but today all you have to do is go on two dates with an NBA player and you’re a star, too. It’s a strange new world, and these young girls get very caught up in the fame more than anything.”

I just had a vision of a young Jackie Christie if things were the way they are today when she met Doug. Can you imagine that?

Tanya says even women who marry players for love have no idea how difficult it is being with someone who’s admired by so many as she talked about sleeping with a knife under her pillow before her husband was eventually sent to jail for killing a limo driver in 2002.

For a lot of women, it seems the shoes and handbags outweigh the negatives of having a professional athlete for a husband, Tanya says.

“young girls today that marry these guys won’t listen to anyone. I’ve tried to pass on what I know, but these young girls pay you no mind.”

Well the men better start paying Kobe some mind and make sure they don’t get caught up without a pre-nup.

Do you think athlete’s wives should go back to being seen and not heard?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

More on Madame Noire!

• A Man’s Perspective: Does Vanessa Bryant Deserve Half?
• Why Do People Think Tyler Perry is Gay?
• Shows That Exploit Naive and Borderline Ignorant Folks
• 10 Things You Don’t Know About Beyonce
• The Didn’t Ask, Don’t Tell Rule in Cheating
• The Real, Real Basketball Wives of The NBA

It’s safe to assume that most women have aspirations of getting married one day, some sooner than others. While I have my own set of grown-up fairy tales when it comes to walking down the aisle, I also have a grown-up list of things to do before I happily utter those two words: “I Do.” Similar to a bucket list (things you would like to do before you actually kick the bucket), these items are things I think every woman, including myself, should experience before marriage.

Once you’re married, if done right, that’s how you will hopefully spend the rest of your life. The days of making your own decisions without having to consider the feelings of a partner will be over…forever (or something like that); and if that’s not enough to scare you, consider this: instead, you will have to consider someone else wholeheartedly before moving forward with plans or life-altering decisions. Until then, single women should experience certain things, meet certain people, and potentially get certain things in order (like that enormous credit card debt lingering since college).

While everyone’s ‘Before I Get Married’ bucket list will vary, here are a couple of considerations to get you started in creating your own.