All Articles Tagged "damon young"
I have been in a relationship for 4 years. We have a 1 year old and I have 2 other children from a previous relationship. He is awesome. He pays all the bills and rent, shopping money, trips for our family, he loves me and the kids like no one ever has. He bought me a house for Valentine’s Day last year in a really nice community…but another woman lives in his other house in LA… Should I give him more time to get rid of her or leave him now?
Not Satisfied with the Sugar Daddy
I have asked and expressed to her that we can’t be friends right now if she is entertaining other men. ie; texting, talking on the phone, going out on dates etc. I asked her if she was doing so and she says NO. She said she’s not doing ANY of the above. I know people. Sometimes we have platonic friends who need someone to talk to about our issues etc. I do, and I tell her. She even knows the names of the women I talk to. These are women/sisters/close female friends of mine over 15yrs+. So there is no need for me to be secretive about it with her. I ask her if she has male friends she talks to and still says no. But I know differently. She DOES have a male friend who she talks to but won’t be honest with me about it. Which makes me even more curious.
However, I have been able to gain access to her phone/text logs. I noticed a new number over the last two months. But what really alarmed me is that over the last 8 days they both initiated texts between each other. They’ve texted each other over 175 times in the last 8 days. And still continue to text back and forth, but without actually talking on the phone. I’ve called the guy and asked who he was and of course, he wouldn’t say. I’ve repeatedly asked my girlfriend if she’s talking or TEXTING anyone and she says no. She also says that if she’s interested in anyone else she wouldn’t be dealing ME. But they still communicate daily. I can’t figure out who this person is, and she’s claiming she’s not talking to anyone else. What do I do? Why would a woman only talk to a man via text so much and not the phone? They text as much as she and I speak on the phone. And we talk about 2-3hrs a day. It sucks because I can’t tell her I’ve seen her call log. I can’t even use the excuse that I saw it on her cell phone. There is no way I can bring up the number. I just want the truth.
Vanessa: Who should bring up marriage first the man or woman?
DY: Don’t worry about “firsts” once you’re actually in a relationship. Keeping score of stuff is for dating. If you feel like talking about marriage, talk about marriage.
Rochelle: if someone were having an affair for 12 years and now both parties are now divorced what are your thoughts of a true relationship happening now……..generally and from a guys point too
DY: 12 years is a mighty long time to have an affair. If they were seeing each other for that long, and still stayed married to their spouses, I’m not so sure if they actually want to be together that badly.
Jasmine: I just met this guy no more than maybe 2 months ago and we met only for a brief moment but I live in Texas and he lives in Alabama. What can I do to keep– how shall I say this– to keep me and him in a position where we want to be more than just friends. I will be moving back home within a few months, how do I know he will still be there waiting on me? Am I being clingy if I want to talk to him everyday? One more question am i rushing it if I tell him that I feel as if me and him meeting is like love at first sight. A little insight about him he’s in the army, he goes to school, and he’s a pretty good down to earth guy .
DY: When first meeting someone that makes you smile, its easy to get carried away. And I think that has the potential to happen with you. My advice? Relax. Talk on the phone with each other. Take things slow. And, mostly importantly, let him reciprocate interest.
Janet: Why do guys breath smell so bad?
DY: Because we’re always kissing y’all
Arielle: Do you think that a 22 year female dating a 43 year old male is too big of an age gap to work?
DY: There are exceptions to every rule, and, who knows? You two might be the exception. But, let me say this. If my 22 year old brother told me he was dating a 43 year old woman, a red flag would go up. And, if my 22 year old sister told me she was dating a 43 year old man, an even redder flag would go up. 22 and 43 is just too big of an age and experience gap.
Erica Why don’t most men show their emotions? Why do they not want to talk about marriage, goals, children, only just sex? Everything is I’m not ready.
DY: Cause that’s all some men care about. Also–and this must be said—many men have been socialized to not show emotions and not want to “talk things out” for fear of being seen as “weak” or “soft.” If you’re dating a man who seems to feel that way, you have to let him know that its safe for him to open up around you.
Megan: I’ve been in a relationship going on four years now. My boyfriend has not proposed. Every time I bring it up he says let him be the man and stop trying to be in control. Ive given myself until the end of this year before I walk away. We have a great relationship but Im tired of waiting. Am I wrong?
DY: No, you’re not. You want to be married, and he hasn’t shown that he wants to marry you. So, you need to be with someone who does.
Angela: As a man, Have u ever said hurtful things, things u regretted later to a woman you were dating seriously?? If so, how did u get back on her good side. Verbal abuse vs. Just some thing u said out if anger
DY: Yes, I have. I apologized and let her know it wouldn’t happen again. And (most importantly) I didn’t let it happen again.
I have an anonymous question: why is it my boyfriend thinks it’s cool to interact with his female friends on Facebook, and even make suggestive comments on some of their pictures/like them. But, if one of my male friends so much as says “hi” on my wall it’s a serious problem. Mind you, I don’t have any male Facebook friends that I’ve dated or have sexual history with. He does. Is this a problem or am I overreacting?
- Dealing with a Double Standard
Trena: Why do men feel the need to use woman especially good women who hold them down during the bad times and then when they get back on their feet they leave
DY: Some men are assholes, Wish I had a deeper answer for that, but it’s pretty much it.
Danielle: If a woman had an issue about another female friend in her man’s life (rightfully so because of previous events excluding infidelity) and expresses how she feels to him and he gets defensive. Is she wrong for being annoyed?
DY: No, she’s not. But, you have to ask why she’s staying in a relationship with someone who she doesn’t trust
Erica: How do you make sure that you’re not in a placeholder relationship?
DY: The best indicator is whether he has made concrete plans for the future with you. Men in placeholder relationships usually won’t commit to doing anything with you that isn’t more than a couple months away
Ebone: As me being a proud woman of color, this is hard to say. I have 4 wonderful men in my life. 1 my handsome man, 3 wonderful lil kings. How do I get over the hurt from the man that created me so I don’t become an Angry black woman.
DY: I’m glad to hear that you’ve been able to move past your issues with your father and have good relationships with your man and your sons. That said, if your feelings about your dad are still that strong after all these years, I’d suggest that you seek some form of therapy.
Joan: After getting caught cheating why do men think saying sorry will fix it?
DY: Because it does, sometimes. Maybe it doesn’t “fix” things, but it’s enough for some women to let them back.
Tameka: Honestly I’ve moved on from my previous relationship … half my life I was with him … turning 40 and falling in love with trust is what I want … thank you for your help.
DY: Having some trust issues is understandable, especially after getting out of a marriage that lasted for almost two decades. That said, there’s really no easy fix to that. Whether (and when) you decide to trust again is something that has to come from within. But, rest assured, you won’t be able to really move forward unless you do.
Raven: My bf told me I was the “love of his life” but he has been pretty distant lately? Was it too much too soon for him? I know he has a lot of things going on in his life right now (kids- his, bills, and home repairs). Is it the stress?
DY: You should be asking him that, not me.
Zakiyyah: I am a 33 year old woman that’s dating a 21 year old man and we have only known each other 11days and he is living with me. Yes he has a job but his 60 something year old Mama hates it. She was cool for the first 7 days then tripped out. She calls him tell him she will leave him alone and he has abandonment issues cuz she is really his Auntie. I’m confused do I really like him or am I dick whooped cuz he do have a monster give me some advice.
DY: You need to slow down. And by “slow down” I mean “slow the hell down, tell your boyfriend he needs a place of his own, and remember that the only title you should give someone you’ve only known for 11 days is “human.”
A guy approached me and asked me for my number a couple of weeks ago while I was pumping gas. The attraction was immediate on my part and after a little chit chat we did exchange numbers. Fast forward 2 weeks, we’ve had very exciting phone conversation every night and I know a little about his life- he is 48, lives alone, has 3 children, (all by different ladies), 2 grown and a 4 year old that he has every weekend he’s off and he’s been married once and divorced. Also he had not been in a relationship he said in over a year. I’m 51, divorced for years, with 4 grown kids. A week after meeting him, he asked me to come to his house, which I did even though I kind of had a few misgivings about it, but I only ended up staying about 20 minutes talking in his driveway and he seemed pretty taken with me. He almost could not keep up conversation from smiling so much. It was nice.
Second week and second “date” he asked me to come by on a Friday night to watch movies, order take out and chill with him and his son. Well, It ended up his son was not there(grandmother came and got him because he, the guy had to work the next morning) so we ended up spending time alone. Well, we ended up kissing and cuddling and things got a little hot and bothered. We had had the ‘getting tested’ talk before but I didn’t push it because I did not expect to have sex anytime soon with him. So when it looked like he was trying to initiate more than heavy petting, I brought the subject up again, explaining to him that I did not feel comfortable going any further. Even though our chemistry was amazing, I just did not know him well enough to share my girly parts yet. He kept insisting he was good, that he had a test about a year ago, and he had not been with anyone since and not to worry, and that he knew from our conversations that he wanted me to be his lady so it was all good. I kept insisting I was not going any further without one, that he could show me a copy of those or he could go to any community center and get one done for free. Well he ended up initiating oral sex and since it’s been a while for me also, it was really hard to resist, but I ended up literally pushing him off of me. He apologized and said it was because it had been so long and it wouldn’t happen again. Okay, Sunday night, he has to go to work and asked me to come see him before he goes to work. His son is there and we are sitting watching the game as I’m getting to talk to son a little bit. He goes to meet the mother to drop the son off , leaves me there, comes back and proceeds to initiate the kissing game again. Once again he tries to do the oral and I again bring up ‘getting his freedom papers’. (btw, mine were done in April, all good). After some discussion with him being a little upset that I did not trust him and like him as much as he did me, I reluctantly agreed to continue, using a condom.
When he got the condom out, he admitted that condoms turn him off and once he put it on his erection was not so erected. I told him if he did not use it , we could not continue. He did, holding it on the whole time and he managed to relieve himself in 2.8 seconds. But the condom came off and I ended up having to dig it up out of myself. I then got really upset with not only him, but myself. I told him I was not coming back to his house until he could respect me and my wishes and get tested. He kept saying that he was good and please come back, he liked me a lot and we would talk about it the next time. Before leaving I told him I was not happy, at all with the course of events. We ended up talking the next morning and we did not discuss the night before. Neither one of us brought it up and it was almost like it never happened. Before hanging up, he asked me to call him on my break or when I got off work. We hung up and have not talked since. I did not call him and he has not called me. He knew I was upset and to express this, I did not call him. I thought he would at least call me if he was at all interested in keeping things going. He seemed to really like me and I really liked him. All I wanted was his ‘freedom papers’!! My question? What went wrong or better yet, did I do something wrong? Please let me know if I was too hard on him. Thanks! (P.S. I call them freedom papers because after I see that you are clean, then you are free to do almost whatever you want with me! LOL)
Troubled by the Tip
About a year ago, we hipped you to the fact that the Very Smart Brothas were expanding their very popular blog, Very Smart Brothas.com and turning it into a webseries. Well, love muffins things change and now the once web series hopefully finds a home on your living room television set. You may be wondering why the switch up. Damon Young, aka “The Champ,” aka the man who answers your relationship questions every Wednesday explains:
“When done with the first draft of the webseries, we decided it would be a better idea to shift focus and create a 22 minute long pilot instead. Why? Well, one of the bi products of the success of Issa Rae and Awkward Black Girl is that everyone and their step-momma has a webseries now. Since we ain’t like everyone else, we did something different.”
No word on when the full pilot will be released but keep your eyes peeled for several screening dates, including one on Saturday, September 21st in Burbank, California, public screenings in D.C., Pittsburgh and one at the New York Television Festival on October 21-26. (The pilot was one of 47 selected to be shown to fans and industry executives.)
Take a look at the series which is loosely based on Damon and Panama (though someone did say they write as if they were more attractive…crazy) in the video below and tell us what you think.
If you want more information about the series, head over here.
Kandice: If a man truly loves his woman why does he still cheat?
DY: It is possible for some men (and some women) to mentally compartmentalize sex so that it’s just a physical thing and not a mental/emotional one. To that end, it is possible for a person to cheat and still be in love.
Doesn’t mean you have to stay with them, though.
Shahdae: Where do you go to meet single men?!
DY: Outside, online, offline, Earth, After Earth, Church, and Detroit
My boyfriend and I have been living together for 3 years now. We’ve talked about marriage throughout our relationship and he says that he sees himself spending the rest of his life with me. But it’s been nearly a year since we’ve had this conversation and nothing. No more conversations and no proposal. I know that we’re supposed to be together and at this point I’m wondering if I should take matters into my own hands. We went on our first date because I asked for his number. And now I’m thinking maybe I should just ask him myself. Do you think there’s anything wrong, aside from traditional norms, with proposing to a man?
Proposing To My Man