All Articles Tagged "damon young"

Ask A Very Smart Brotha: He Talked To His Ex For 30 Mins, Should I Be Worried

December 3rd, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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Lorne: Hey Damon, how would a young woman that is stable and very mature be serious with an older man? Do they just automatically not take them serious because of the age?

DY: Depends on the age difference and the personality/relationship history of the people involved

Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Why Won’t He Forgive Me After One Mistake?

November 19th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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champ213
We got some really interesting questions for “Ask A Very Smart Brotha” today. See what Damon had to say in response. 

Ask A Very Smart Brotha: My Friend Only Dates Online But Has Sex In Real Life

November 13th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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My Friend Only Dates Online But Has Sex In Real Life

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I know this is so cliche…to write in asking advice for “a friend.” But this time the friend really isn’t me. I just want to know if you think her behavior is normal and if my other friends and I should be concerned about her general well-being.

So here it goes. My friend from college only dates online. She develops these seemingly deep and passionate connections with people online but never takes it out of the digital world. When the guys start asking about meeting her in person she stalls or brushes them off. And tells us, her friends, that she’s too busy for a relationship.

Meanwhile, in real life, she’s having sex with men she’s not all that interested in. Like loser guys we knew back in school. She never goes anywhere with these guys either. Just sex.

She never gets anywhere with the guys she’s emotionally connected to or the men she’s physically connected to. She just brags to us about her sexcapades and the “nice men” she’s meeting online. And honestly I’m starting to wonder if there’s some type of emotional issue she’s dealing with that we should be trying to help her through.

I know this behavior is not exactly normal but do you think it represents a deeper problem? Should we ask her about it or just continue listening to all these crazy stories and wait until this phase [?] is over?

Asking for a Friend

 

Dear Asking for a Friend,

It’s very possible that your friend is suffering from a number of issues, including (but not limited to) attachment issues, low self-esteem, anti-social behavior, clinical narcissism, sociopathy, depression, body dysmorphic disorder, the sniffles, the cooties, and the simian flu from Planet of the Apes.
It’s also possible that your friend is part of a new and evolved human species that has finally figured this dating thing out. I mean, as ridiculous as it sounds to cultivate emotional connections with men online and sexual connections with men offline while compartmentalizing them both, this may be one of those instances were pragmatism finds romantic loopholes. Basically, if it’s working for her…then it’s working for her.
Now, if your friend has a history of getting into abusive relationships or doing abusive things to herself, please address your concerns to her. But, if she’s an adult and she’s not hurting herself or anyone else, regardless of how abnormal her normal sounds, it’s still her normal, so just continue to listen to and laugh at her stories.
Sincerely,
Damon Young

Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Is Cheating A Disease?

November 5th, 2014 - By Veronica Wells
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Oghenovo: Is it wrong to date a guy without sleeping with him?

DY: Not at all.

Ask A Very Smart Brotha: He Doesn’t Take Care Of Our Daughter, Should We Divorce?

October 29th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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should we divorce

I am 20, husband is 21. We have a daughter together but I have 100% responsibility for her and getting her everything she needs and he won’t watch her unless forced to. He doesn’t want to be married anymore because it’s hard. He recently started smoking and. I refuse to be with someone like that. He’d rather be boyfriend and girlfriend. He parties, stays on phone 24-7 and doesn’t help raise my daughter. He’s barely around me but only for sex or money.He wants a divorce and has been distant for almost 6 months but swears he’s not cheating. I don’t know what to do. Let him go and move on or try to make it work?

Don’t Want A Divorce

 

Dear Don’t Want A Divorce,

The
answer for what you should do is obvious to me, to everyone reading this, and probably to you too. If someone is acting like they don’t want to be in a relationship — and actually comes out and says “I want a divorce” — you do not need to be in a relationship with that person any longer. This is simple.
But, I’m aware that life has a way of making the simple seem difficult. That said, let me address and refute a couple possible reasons why this might be a difficult decision for you.
1. You’re in love
 
Love is only worth holding on to if the other person is also in love, and his actions are showing that he’s too immature to even consider loving someone
 
2. You want your daughter to have both parents at home
 
A noble concept, definitely. But do you really want to raise your daughter in a toxic environment where one parent clearly doesn’t want to be there?
3. You’re worried you won’t be able to find anyone else
You’re 20 years old. There will be literally hundreds of potential “anyone elses” in your lifetime.
In summary: Get the divorce, give him his “freedom,” and make sure he maintains his financial/legal responsibilities to your child. (And immediately stop allowing him to use you as a sex toy and an ATM)
Sincerely,
Damon Young

Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com.

Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Should I Give Him An Ultimatum

October 22nd, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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Shateria: I have a question I’m currently dating this guy but he’s always busy working and we only see each other once a week or every two weeks what should I do ??

DY: If you’re just dating, once a week is fine.

Ask A Very Smart Brotha: He’s Hurt Me But Should I Take Him Back?

October 8th, 2014 - By Veronica Wells
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Bersheba: Yes if a man I’m dating is a marine in the military an has two sons an ask me to be patient because he hardly has time for me what should I do?

DY: Usually, when guys say “I don’t have time for you” it means “You’re not important enough to me to make time.” What you do with that information is up to you.

Katrina: If my ex and I broke up 2 yrs ago and we still friends. We hang out and have sex at times. Can there be a chance of us getting back together? I broke up with him and every now and then he reminds me that I kicked him out of my life.

DY: If you’re still friends, still hang out, and still have sex, it sounds like you haven’t actually broken up.

Brandi: Is there a way to get men to ask you out? I don’t seem to be approachable

DY: In my experience, the women who are the most approachable tend to be the ones who look like they’re enjoying life. If you look like you’re having fun, people are going to want to have fun with you.

Rachael: In a situation where the Man leaves the wife. Especially if the wife puts up no resistance. Why would the Man be punitive and adversarial. He has his freedom what gives? (no cheating involved)

DY: Because he’s an asshole. A bit of advice: Don’t attempt to “understand” assholes. Some people are assholes for the sake of being assholes.

Ramona: How should I deal with a guy who gets upset for things that I deem as petty?

DY: It depends on what he’s getting upset about. Maybe they’re petty, and maybe they’re legitimately important things that you assume are petty. Either way, it sounds like you need to do a better job communicating with each other

Dwan: If you and a guy have been close for years, and he steady states that he wants to be with you, but he never makes any promising moves that say he is ready, but he still wants all the benefits of a relationship what do you do…should you let it go or wait it out….seem to me he has commitment issues….but idk

DY: I think you know the answer already. You just have to accept it and make a decision.

Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Should I End My Friends With Benefits Relationship?

October 1st, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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Hi Damon,

I’ve asked so many friends and friends of friends about this situation. But I think I should get a man’s perspective on this. I met this man about three months ago and we immediately slept together. We both agreed we weren’t looking for relationships at the time. But these days, I find that I get really anxious when I don’t hear from him. I’ve asked my friends, and some married couples about whether or not I should continue “seeing” him. Some of my friends say it’s time for me to stop sleeping with him, so I can clear my head, and ask him about the trajectory of our relationship. I don’t know if I’m really ready to give up the sex. Some married women I’ve been speaking too keep telling me about all these timelines and I’m wondering what I should do. Should I keep seeing him? Am I setting myself up for failure?

– Friend Wanting More Benefits

 

Dear Friend Wanting More Benefits,

In a perfect world, the friends-with-benefits arrangement — where two adult parties agree to have a consistent relationship that consists of sex and nothing else — would be a perfect solution to both the “inbetween” relationship stage where people between relationships need someone to keep them, um, occupied, and the “I just don’t want to be in something serious right now” stage everyone between 25 and 34 seems to be in right now.

It is not a perfect world, though. Although the friends with benefits arrangement sounds great on paper and works well at the beginning, as 99.99999% of people who’ve entered one will tell you, the longer it lasts, the more awkward they become. As good as the sex can be, someone — and it can be the man or the woman — will eventually catch some sort of feelings, and when someone catches feelings, feelings get hurt.

This seems to be where you are right now. You’re not hurt yet, but if he decided to end things — or if he decided to share how much he likes this new chick he’s dating — you would be. The answer is obvious. Let him know how you feel. If it’s not reciprocated, end the relationship. It might be painful, but pulling off a bandaid hurts much less than putting one on a broken heart.

Sincerely,

Damon Young

Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com.  

Ask A Very Smart Brotha: I’m Interested In My Daughter’s Teacher

September 19th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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champ213Relationship problems never stop. So it’s only right that Damon Young, from Very Smart Brothas stop by and offer his advice. This week Damon discussed issues of domestic violence, dating with HIV and more. See what he had to say on the following pages.

Ask A Very Smart Brotha: Am I Doing Too Much At The Club?

September 10th, 2014 - By Madame Noire
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Ask A Very Smart Brotha

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Dear Damon,

I have been dating my current boyfriend for the past six years. When we first met, I was attracted to the fact that he was so different from me. I’m the more outgoing, party type and he’s more reserved. I never really considered it a problem until my friends brought it to my attention this past weekend. We were all out partying like we normally do. And on our way home that night they made mention of how much I seemed to be flirting with the other men on the dance floor.

They told me that I was dancing too suggestively for someone with a boyfriend. And admittedly, I was flirting but I never gave these men my number.

My boyfriend rarely goes out with me and when he does, I don’t get to dance and socialize like I want to.

I can’t say that unhappy with him but I’m wondering if my flirting was indeed excessive and maybe I was subconsciously expressing some desire to break free from his rigidity.

Do you think my flirting is inappropriate? Should I have a conversation with my man?

– Doing Too Much On The Dance Floor

 

Dear Doing Too Much On The Dance Floor,

So, after reading this, I have to admit I read a couple more times because I had to take an extra hard look at your word choice and syntax. Why? Well, wanted to make sure this wasn’t anonymously sent by my wife. She is that woman who enjoys going out and dancing, and I’m that guy who, while I do get on the dance floor at times, prefers to play the bar — or just stay home. She’s actually a bit more extra with the dancing than you seem to be, though. She loves dancing so much that she prefers dancing by herself than with other people. Which is…odd to me. But, I married her, so I must not think it’s that odd.

Anyway, when it comes to appropriate behavior, if other people are noticing that you’re being a bit too much of a social butterfly, it’s probably time for you to scale things back. Basically, if you ever have a doubt about whether your behavior is cool, ask yourself two questions:

1. Would my significant other be upset if they saw this?

2. Would I be upset if my significant other was acting this way?

Also, while I don’t think the flirting automatically means you want out, I do think being in a bf/gf relationship for six years is a bit of a long time. Maybe you two need to have a conversation about your future. Just promise me that when you do, you don’t do it at a club.

Sincerely,

Damon Young

Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com.