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From YourTango

If you’re a woman who has tried to get your ex back, you’ve most likely taken the “desperate times call for desperate measures” approach, causing you to do all kinds of unfortunate things, including the walk of shame and the drunk dial. These unflattering behaviors render you his doormat, and ultimately push him away.

I know how excruciating it is when you still love him after your relationship ends. I’ve been the desperate woman who has tried unsuccessfully to get (a couple of) my exe(s) back. What I remember most is feeling insecure during the process and embarrassed about some of the things I did. My wake-up call in 2007 changed me for the better.

In 2007, I experienced some big setbacks, including a breakup with a man I loved dearly. I was devastated, and deep inside sensed our relationship wasn’t over. These setbacks helped me learn how to love myself. The more I loved myself, the less my desire to behave in desperate ways to get him back.

My approach wasn’t about initiating and worrying whether or not he would come back. It was about responding and having an inner-knowing that he would come back because he wanted to, while at the same time knowing that I would be fine if he didn’t. This empowering, six-step approach led him back to me and made me his wife.

1. Don’t disagree with why things ended. If he brings up the reasons why your relationship ended, don’t disagree with him. Find the truth in what he’s saying, acknowledge it and apologize for it. It’s better to be happy and loved than to be right. Wanting to be right is your ego stepping in and overshadowing your soul’s desire to be happy and loved.

Check out the other 5 tips on YourTango.com.

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From Essence

I have been with my boyfriend six years, and we’ve lived together for four of them. I have never pressured him about marriage, and we have talked about it happening, but I’m starting to give up hope. While I feel content with our relationship, I’m becoming insecure about why he hasn’t asked me yet. I know it’s just a piece of paper, but I’d like to have the commitment before we have kids. On another note, he is the first man I’ve been with that has a very low sex drive—we go for weeks without having sex. As a professional, I’m asking, is this a red flag?

See what celebrity psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake has to say about this situation on Essence.com.

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In the midst of fact-checking our post on celebrities who beat addictions today, we were all a bit surprised to read of Oprah doing coke quite regularly back in the ’80s. This was a tale I’d heard once before, the details of which had escaped my memory, so I decided to do a little more investigating to see just what Oprah had said about her prior drug use, and more importantly, if she ever explained why she started using in the first place. That’s when I came across this January 14, 1995 article in the Observer-Reporter that relayed the details of Oprah’s confession on her talk show as she spoke with a guest who, too, had been addicted to the drug. After describing the drug use as her life’s “great big secret,” Oprah admitted that she was introduced to coke by a former boyfriend and started using because of their relationship, adding:

“I can’t think of anything I wouldn’t have done for that man.”

Almost gives you chills, right? As I looked that quote over and over again I thought really, anything? You can’t think of anything you wouldn’t have done for that man? But then I had to be real with myself for a second and think, am I so far removed from that?

While I can certainly think of a host of things I wouldn’t and didn’t do for my ex, it likely wouldn’t take much effort for me to come up with an equally long list of things I told myself — and him — that I wouldn’t do and couldn’t tolerate, yet ended up participating in and putting up with anyway. Sure, I was young — or younger — as Oprah would likely say of herself if she ever chose to speak on her past relationship again. But when is youth ever an excuse for compromising your personal values? You don’t have to be old to stay true to yourself. It’s just supposed to be easier to do after you have several years under your belt — theoretically.

I’ll spare myself some of the guilt and embarrassment of sharing the details of those things I accepted in the name of love and desperation, but they all fall under the general categories of dishonesty, disrespect, and disconcern for my general well being. Like lying about the role, shall I say, of certain women in his life, or calling me a half-a**ed b***h during an argument in public, or asking me to do things that could put me in jeopardy.  I can puff out my chest and say I exited stage left once some of these things happened, but I can just as easily put my head down and think of how long it took me to decide to leave — for the last time. Truth be told, my list of things I wouldn’t have done for that man wasn’t all that long, and it appeared to get shorter and shorter as time, and our relationship ,went on. So yeah, I’m not so different from Oprah after all. We all have our drugs of choice, hers just happened to be a literal one.

Unfortunately, almost every woman has wasted a “there is nothing I won’t do for him” attitude on the wrong type of man and gotten ourselves caught up into some mess that makes us one of those but now, born-again relationshipers. And though we all like to think we could never, ever, ever find ourselves traveling back down that road again — and hopefully most of us won’t — some of us will. For some reason, those cliche sayings, like “never cry over someone who won’t cry for you” or “never make someone a priority who only treats you as an option,” are coming to mind right now, but the issue here isn’t really the other person. Whether the individual you’re involved with is worth readjusting your moral compass isn’t what’s up for debate. What needs to be assessed is your self-worth and whether you value yourself, the person you have to live with every day, more than another person who may be in you life for nothing more than one reason, maybe a season, and likely not a lifetime. This is why so many relationships books start with chapters on self-love and knowing oneself because peer pressure is very much alive in relationships and if you haven’t already established who you are and what you stand for, well, that’s how you end up doing coke with your boyfriend of six months, or taking someone back umpteenth times after they’ve already showed you who they are is not a good match with who you are.

Oprah and I may have dropped the ball in our “younger” years but I think we can both say that now we can not only think of a laundry list of things we won’t do for a man but also know that we really won’t do them.  Let’s hope most women out there can also say the same.

thegrio.com

From http://thegrio.com/

A Houston couple, accused of torturing animals to make crush videos for sexual fetishists, has been arrested.  Ashley Nichole Richards, 21, and Brent Wayne Justice, 51, are facing up to two years in prison for animal cruelty. The couple allegedly produced and sold videos of Richards torturing animals to fulfill requests from costumers who find sexual gratification in watching animals tortured, sometimes crushed.

According to KVUE News, the details of the case are so graphic a judge stopped the allegations from being read at one point in the probable cause hearing. Richards is accused of using kitchen knives and a meat clever to torture a pit-bull puppy in one video and stomping on a cat with high heels on in another.

The couple was brought to the attention of PETA by a concerned citizen who came across the videos showing puppies, kittens, rabbits, mice and other animals being tortured and killed.

Read more at thegrio.com

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Source: NecoleBitchie.com

So just yesterday I was speculating about whether Deion and Tracey Edmonds might be mixing a little pleasure with their business of his new reality show. Had I waited for footage of these two on the red carpet for TD Jakes 35th Anniversary Gala in Dallas I would have gotten my answer, which is yes.

After Tracey was asked about the reality show she’s producing for the person we can now refer to as her man, a reporter asked if the two were having a date night, to which Deion responded, “This isn’t a date night just because cameras are in here. Every night is a date night.

Word? The interviewer asked if every night was a date night with her, meaning Tracey, and Deion said, “Yes, who else?” which prompted her to ask what sparked the chemistry between them. Deion told her:

“She’s grown, she’s intelligent, she’s sophisticated. She’s beautiful inside and out. It’s no facade, when she takes off the make up, she’s still beautiful.”

We obviously know Deion has a lot going on right now with his very public divorce from Pilar and their custody battle, but the former NFL star  is confident things will be totally different with Tracey as he told the reporter:

“Tracey has her own, that avoids a lot of drama right there.”

Despite Tracey claiming to have just met Deion at the beginning of this year when her company first began discussions with with him to produce this reality project, I can’t help but feel like something is fishy considering Pilar claimed she was Deion’s mistress throughout their marriage. It’s possible that these two being a couple could just be an ironic twist of fate but women know and I think Pilar’s mistress claim might be one instance where she was telling the truth throughout this ordeal. Technically, he’s still married anyway so that mistress title is partially accurate.

Do you think Tracey and Deion just recently started dating or were they creeping all along”

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lipstickalley.com

Were you inspired by Meagan Good and fiancé Devon Franklin’s “saving ‘it’ til marriage” announcement?

Devon sure hopes so!

The duo attended T.D Jakes’ star-studded 35th Anniversary Gala in Dallas over the weekend and talked to Sister 2 Sister about their celibacy decision.

Devon said: We want our marriage to be one of truth, one of love, and hopefully model God’s love. In reality we’re not perfect. But we are striving to live a life of Christ. We are striving to be an example of what his life looks like on this earth, and hopefully through our union people will be inspired, people will see themselves in us.

Meagan said: The relationship is completely different. When you know somebody and you know their heart, it’s not even a question about the physical part of it that comes into play completely later on. You really just get a chance to understand what you’re getting. You don’t just want to be with this person on Friday night, but Saturday afternoon too. That’s just icing on the cake.

Last week, Devon sat down with Oprah Winfrey to talk about his new book: Produced by Faith: Enjoy Real Success without Losing Your True Self. That interview will be aired on OWN’s new show “Super Soul Sunday”.

No snippets have been released yet, but Oprah did have this to say on her Facebook page:

I met a young man a couple of months ago who’s faith was so strong and Light was so bright, that after less than 7 minutes with him I said we need to do a show together. An unlikely candidate to be a spiritual thought leader, (he’s a Hollywood executive) I was so moved by his passion and commitment to faith while functioning in the lion’s den of entertainment I could hardly wait to do a Super Soul Sunday and share his insights, clarity and wisdom with you. He’s in the business of developing movies and talent, but as you will see, is a bonafied dynamo himself… a different kind of spiritual teacher for our times.

Preview: DeVon Franklin on “Super Soul Sunday”

In an all-new “Super Soul Sunday,” DeVon Franklin—a Hollywood executive who does double duty as a preacher—shares his advice on achieving success without losing yourself. The Produced by Faith author talks with Oprah about how he balances his Hollywood life with his faith.

Of course Meagan and Devon aren’t the first couple to wait until marriage to disrobe, but they certainly seem to be the most popular!

What do you think about the attention their decision is getting? Are you inspired by this couple?

Alissa Henry is a freelance writer living in Columbus, OH. Follow her on Twitter @AlissaInPink or check out her blog: This Cannot Be My Life

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We know Eddie Murphy has been linked to some random women in the past. Sometimes it was true—Melanie Brown/Scary Spice—other times it was not—Toni Braxton. However, this photo looks like proof something funny is going on between Ms. Rocsi Diaz and the comedian, and it’s not jokes.

The YBF obtained some interesting pics of the pair holding hands on a coffee/juice run in Beverly Hills, and I don’t know about you but I don’t hold hands with my male friends when we’re getting a morning beverage. But maybe that’s just me. Now since Rocsi is close to being “unemployed” some are speculating this “partnership” may be a part of her exploration of new options, let’s say, in the movie business. Like Terrence, Rocsi supposedly wants to start acting and she’s apparently been writing some screenplays that she hopes will get picked up. Even though most of Eddie’s recent movies have been bombs, he’s still got some juice in the industry—as evidenced by the fact that they keep hiring this man and expecting him to make blockbusters—so Rocs might know what she’s doing.

Really, that’s about the only explanation we can come up with for this 28-year-old girl and this 51-year-old man to be gallivanting around town. Eddie’s already proven he has a thing for young women and Rocsi is said to like them seasoned. She was previously connected to LisaRaye’s ex-husband, Micheal Misick (46), and Raphael Sadiiq (also 46)—which I missed entirely by the way.

In one of the candid pics from yesterday’s outing, Rocsi flashed a beaming smile right at the paparazzi before the couple drove off in Eddie’s Benz. Guess that means ain’t no shame in her game.

What do you think about these two dating?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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There is a list of 7 things that annoy men about women, which I’m sure you’ve checked out. And while that was eye-opening, it is only fitting that the women get to voice their concerns as well. The male list of annoyances consisted of communication components.  As women, we’re always able to delve a little deeper (or be a bit shallow). The men we share our lives with irritate us for more reasons than one. They should certainly take notice of this small list. But then again, we’re barely scratching the surface.

From YourTango.com

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You’ve been dating a guy for a few weeks, things are going great and you want to know to where you stand. You want to make sure he isn’t seeing anyone else, and if you’re being honest, a small part of you wants to know when you can change your Facebook relationship status from “single” to “in a relationship.”

Having the “Define The Relationship” (DTR) talk generally only succeeds in making him feel backed into a corner because he feels like you want something from him — in this case a commitment — that he hasn’t offered up on his own.

The best way to get a man to commit isn’t by pleading your case and making ultimatums, it’s by being the kind of woman who doesn’t need him. Suddenly, he’ll want to be with you. Sound easier said than done? Not really!

Check out all the get-him-to commit tips at YourTango.com.

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From YourTango.com

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Want to spice things up in the bedroom? Make his night and drive him crazy with these sex positions that men love. Ultimately, sex is about love and intimacy, so while the positions are part of the fun, the real payoff is the way various maneuvers allow you to connect and explore each other in different ways.

1. Woman on Top: Ask your guy what drives him crazy in the bedroom, and we’re betting he’ll say it’s pleasing you. This swexy position puts you in the driver’s seat, and that’s exactly where he wants you. Take advantage of being in control and set the pace according to what you like, leaving his hands free to roam. The bonus? He loves having your curves in full view…so flip on the lights and give him a show.

For more possible positions, visit YourTango.com.

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