All Articles Tagged "couple therapy"
In my years of Buddhist practice, I’ve learned a lot from the four Brahma Viharas, also known as “beautiful qualities” – loving-kindness, compassion, empathetic joy, and equanimity. You don’t have to be a Buddhist to understand that cultivating these qualities can be very beneficial for your relationship. And although it’s especially powerful when both members of a relationship agree to cultivate these qualities together, it can also have a lot of impact when just one person cultivates them.
Loving-kindness is a feeling of benevolence toward another person, and the wish for them to have what they want and need. Relationship expert Stan Tatkin talks about the importance of a “couple bubble,” in which both partners agree to prioritize the needs of the relationship ahead of their individual needs.
Ruth and I create our bubble a little differently, by each holding space for the other person’s needs. For instance, if I want to spend the day with Ruth, but she has something else planned, part of my loving-kindness toward her is feeling glad that she’s doing something she wants to do, even if it wouldn’t have been my own preference.
When Ruth also extends this same kind of loving-kindness toward me, it creates a sense of freedom and well-being in the relationship. For instance, there are days when Ruth wants us to do Conscious Girlfriend work, but she knows I need a day off, and because of loving-kindness, her desire for me to have what I need wins out over her other desire.
Read more about love at YourTango.com
“Relationships take work.” We tend to associate these words with embittered people whose relationships have become more work than any fun. But, that isn’t always the case! The work required to keep a relationship alive and exciting can be pretty simple.
Here are few things you can try to add some spice….
Anyone who has ever read my love and relationship column knows I am a martyr for monogamy; but, I would be lying through my teeth if I acted as if it was a walk in the park.
Naturally, relationships go through cycles like the people involved. The first six months of dating tend to differ from the 24th month, and, for many, the newlywed stage of marriage is quite different than year seven. However, the idea of long-term monogamy is not to blame. It is our inclination to subconsciously hit cruise control when we have reached particular levels of comfort. And, that comfort is what gets us stuck in mundane patterns of behavior.
As people, we evolve and so should our relationships. The same way we reinvent our “look” every so often, we should also reinvent our relationships in an effort to not only keep things fresh and interesting but to also grow together. Are you wondering if your relationship is in need of reinvention? Here are a few signs you and your honey are coasting: