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So you’re dating this guy, and on one hand you care about him and like being around him, but on the other hand, there are times when you really can’t stand to be in his presence and consider leaving him and moving on to someone new. When a love-hate dichotomy exists within a relationship, there’s bound to be emotions and thoughts that range from one side of the spectrum to the other. And since relationships are full of emotional ups and downs, some couples think that these dips and dives aren’t indicative of a love-hate relationship, but instead one that is just normal. If you’re unsure of your relationship and how you really feel about it, here are some signs that you love someone but sorta hate them at the same time — and need to either fix it or get out

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Mental health and depression can be such taboo topics in the Black community as well as in our society in general. No one wants to be labeled as “unstable” or “crazy”, which is why so many suffer in silence. Anytime a person can speak out about their personal struggles with these issues, it illustrates great strength. The latest heroine in the fight against depression has been singer, actress and one-third of Destiny’s Child, Michelle Williams. The 32-year-old shocked many when she opened up to Mark Kennedy of The AP and revealed that she has struggled on and off with depression since she was fifteen or sixteen years old.

“I’ve dealt with depression. I had to choose to get out of bed and do whatever I needed to do to be happy.”

She shared that she was able to avoid needing medication, but advises anyone who is struggling with this issue to seek professional help:

“We’re taught, ‘Just go to church and pray about it. The Lord is going to heal you.’ Well, in the meantime, I believe God-gifted people, physicians, doctors, therapists — that’s your healing. Take advantage of it. Go see a professional so that they can assess you. It’s OK if you’re going through something. Depression is not OK, but it is OK to go get help.”

It seems that the singer isn’t allowing anything to slow her down, though. She is currently gearing up to release another solo album as well as to assume a starring role in Broadway musical “Fela!”, not to mention the highly anticipated, upcoming Superbowl performance with Destiny’s Child.

It’s great that Michelle has found the strength to speak openly about her battle with depression. Hopefully her transparency can serve as an inspiration to others. You just never know what a person is going through.

What do you think of Michelle openly discussing her experiences with depression?

Jazmine Denise is a news writer for Madame Noire. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise

Toya: After going through a string of so-so relationships, I’ve decided to step away from the dating world to figure out if it’s all “worth it”. I know you don’t speak for all men, but in your encounters do you think men want to settle down and find someone or is it all about getting into a woman’s pants?

DY: Since you’re already aware that I don’t speak for all men, you should also be aware that men, like women, vary. There are some men who want to settle down. Some who just want to bag and beat. Some who are “sitting” out just like you said you’re planning too. And some who have no idea what the hell they want.

As far as finding the guys who are more “LTR-minded,” since you can’t make a man want to commit, the best way to weed out the pretenders from the contenders is to let men you meet and date know that you’re not with the b.s./”Why don’t you come through and chill?” type of relationship. Trust me, women who carry that mindset — and stick to it — have a way of attracting like-minded men.

Dejonnee: I have a question that’s been pestering me for awhile now: How does one shake the label “just one of the guys” and move past it, into something more romantic? For example, I’m friends with a lot of guys, and we love doing the same things (most of the time), and I’m not considered unattractive, yet, if I were to show interest into one of them, how could I come across as sincere? (weird question I know).

DY: I’d give you the same advice I’d give a guy asking how to stay out of the dreaded, coitus-less abyss known as “the friend’s zone”: Don’t “befriend” guys you’re interested in dating. I’m not saying you can’t be cool with them, but if you initially present yourself as “the cool homegirl” instead of “the woman you need to court and date,” it’ll be near impossible to escape that box

I once wrote about an emotionally abusive relationship I was in a few years ago.  As hard as it was to discuss it to a bunch of people I don’t know (you amazing Madame Noire readers), it was even harder discussing it with people that I did know well.  My friends, though they might not have understood why I stayed, or what my mindset was while I was going through it, were very understanding of me.  However, my family… well, that was a different story.

I was raised in a two-parent household.  My father, being the head of a family of four daughters and a wife, always tried to tell us about how a man should treat a woman.  He would tell us us how we shouldn’t take certain things, and reminded us that no matter what, we are beautiful and deserve to be treated with respect in all aspects of our lives. My mother told us the same things, and reminded us to place high value on ourselves.  So when I revealed to my family what happened in my past relationship, it was as if I could feel the heaviness on my father’s heart and I could see in his eyes a feeling of failure. My sisters and mother couldn’t understand either, and they would engage me in conversations, trying to figure out why I committed to staying with him all that time:  ”Okay… so WHY didn’t you leave???”

Really?

Things got even stickier when I decided to see a counselor at my college.  I remember telling my father and having him yell, “That’s weak!  You’re not weak!  You’re a Koger!  You’re better than that!”  I have to be honest, it was hard feeling like I’d disappointed my family based on the choices I’d made, because we all know that feeling like you disappointed anyone at all is hard to handle sometimes.

But, let’s examine this frustrating concept of disappointment.  Typically, disappointment happens when someone falls under expectations. You sit there and try to examine why they behaved the way that they did.  Thoughts begin to pop into your head like, “I don’t understand why he/she/they would act that way!”  However, a lot of times, people are not seeing people individually, but they are seeing them through what I like to think is a personalized version of  the “reflection principle.”

Though there is a “reflection principle” in the complex mathematics theory universe, I’m discussing the principle with people (and if this principle pops off, remember where you heard it first, folks!).  It’s when a person places their own strengths and weaknesses on another person.  I feel as though voluntary friendships are based on this principle.  When you meet someone, to create a better mental bond with them, you begin to find similarities with that person and you begin to see yourself in them.

However, when a person begins to waiver and becomes more like who they really are, doesn’t it seem like sometimes we might take it harder than that person?  It’s because we’re suffering from the reflection principle.  We’re looking at their situation and we’re trying to understand why they would behave the way that they did, because you would have never behaved that way; and that’s what you need to realize.  They are not YOU.

Disappointment happens because we place ourselves in the situations and see how we would behave and don’t see how people couldn’t fathom doing the opposite (because if nothing else, you’re just a chasm of common sense at all times, right?).  However, things are always different when you’re personally in that situation.  Instead of chastising a person for their poor mistakes, try to stop seeing them for how you want them to be and see them for who they truly are: flawed individuals, the same as you are.

As for my family, my father never did understand how and why I let myself be in an emotionally abusive relationship, nor did he understand or fully agree with my decision to go to counseling, but I did it and I loved it (and honestly, I’ll be the first person to suggest it to people).  My family might not fully understand why I do certain things, the same way I have those head tilt moments trying to figure out why they behave the way they do, but it’s all about seeing people for how they are.  And when you do, true relationships can be built and grow from knowing the nooks and crannies of a person’s true being.

What are you reflecting on others?  Let’s discuss @kkoger.

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A judge has decided to wait for results from the child endangerment investigation being conducted by the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services to address Halle Berry’s request that daughter, Nahla, be kept away from her father, Gabriel Aubry. But he has taken into consideration suggestions put forth by the department which include mediation that would allow a third party to meet with Halle and Gabriel to figure out how they can raise their child peacefully going forward.

Halle is reportedly receptive to the idea, and plans to continue her own individual counseling to deal with this situation, but Gabriel? Not so much. He did agree to go to counseling for his anger issues and both parents said OK to sending their 3-year-old daughter to counseling, but Gabriel is apparently having so much trouble accepting the other recommendations put forth by children’s services that the judge is considering holding a full hearing so that he can issue his own judgements.

So far, no ruling has been issued regarding the nanny Gabriel fired and was allegedly abusive to, but overall things aren’t looking good for him. The more receptive Halle is and the more resistant he is, he just ends up looking like the bad guy to the judge and the public.

Do you think counseling for Halle, Gabriel, and Nahla is a good idea?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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When it comes to relationships, men and women tend to want the same things – it just seems we want or need them in different ways. For most men, respect and love are synonymous and are weighed the same, but how we show love and respect to a man may not always fall in line with what we women expect from our mate. Small gestures can yield great rewards when dealing with the heart of a man, so applying some of these simple practices can breathe air into your relationship by simply letting him know that you love and appreciate him….just as he is.

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We like to think we’re unique and, in most cases, we are; but, when it comes to daily fears and scary thoughts, we are actually quite similar. Years of conditioning have shaped our innate fears based perceived levels of danger and risk. Oftentimes, the scary thoughts that stem from our fears have a way of keeping us safe. For instance, waking in the middle of the night after dreaming of falling from a ledge comes from a fear of heights. Thus, there is little to no chance you would put yourself in the position to fall from something tall. When scary thoughts translate into cautious behavior, they are helping to keep you safe; but, when scary thoughts turn into obsessions, they produce excessive, irrational reactions that negatively affect daily routines and relationships.

Finding the happy medium between taking your thoughts seriously but not too seriously is the key to controlling fears and staying stable. If you find that your life has been crippled by your fears, seek professional help.

For those manageable anxieties, here is a list of the 10 most common fears and how to manage them:

Without equivocation, the legendary Zane will go down in history as one of the most creative authors of sultry American fiction. Zane’s genius has kept loyal readers craving for her erotic narratives that never seem to disappoint the sensual imagination. Interestingly, as with most romance novelists, many of Zane’s readers are actually married women who yearn to experience the naughtiness captured within the margins of her books. But, mind-blowing sex should not just be a figment of imagination that emanates from reading a work of fiction.

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The Washington Post reported a piece on how women’s surnames are still a hot-button topic in Japan. Japan’s civil code has not yet changed to allow married couples to keep separate surnames.

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(The Fredrick News Post) –Many small-business owners left the Frederick Entrepreneur Support Network’s experts and answers counseling event Wednesday grateful they attended. It’s always worth the time for just one piece of helpful information from such events, said Pam Belles of New Market .”To say that I walked away with one thing is an understatement,” she said. Belles needed advice on marketing the family’sbusinesses — carryout and fine dining restaurants, a hair salon and a budding air conditioning and heating enterprise.

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