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“I’ve learned to be content in whatever state I am in, for the state I think I desire may not be what I imagine it to be…” –Liz Lampkin

How many times do we hear “I can’t wait to be married” or “I wish I was single again…”? Or how about “I love my husband, but I wish I would’ve waited to get married,” or my personal favorite, “Being single in today’s world is not easy”? Why do we hear these things from women? Why are there so many women who are married but wish they were single again, and why are there so many women who are single that can’t wait to be married? The answers are simple…the married women who wish they were single again did not enjoy their single life, and they might have married for the wrong reasons, so they don’t see the true value or know the purpose for being married; and single women who are rushing to the altar have a jaded view of what it takes to be and stay married, and they don’t see the value in being single.

For many years, women have been tying the knot for a number of reasons. Some of those reasons include  marrying a man for status and money, marrying because they are pregnant, and so on and so forth. While some may view these reasons for marriage as valid, I think if more women married because they want to fulfill their purpose in the world with the man that was designed specifically for them, then more marriages would last. I also believe that if more women would see the value in being single, they would not rush to the altar. Marriage is a sacred union that should be entered into with much prayer and spiritual preparation. It should be handled and valued with care and caution because it is a gift that is often misused and skewed. If more women would spend time during their single life discovering who they are and living out their purpose in being single, rather than spending a bulk of the time desiring a mate and marriage, when and if the time finally comes for them to be married, they will appreciate it.

I’ve learned that one of the primary reasons many women desire marriage is because they don’t want to be lonely, but unfortunately, marriage is not the cure for loneliness. I know a number of women who are married, but they are lonelier than many single women. Being married is a blessing just as much as being single is a blessing. Both life seasons have a distinct purpose for everyone involved directly and indirectly, you just have to be prayerful and positive during both stages of life.

For the married women who wish they were single again, take some time to reflect on your marriage and the good things that have come from it, and be grateful for your husband. Even if he is not the man you think he should be, he is the man you chose to marry. Even if you think you’ve made a mistake, or rushed in too soon, hang in there. Learn from the mistake you made and help others not to do the same. For the single women who wish they were married, talk to a happily married woman who has been with her partner for more than 20 years. Ask her what their secret is to staying happily married for so long. Take intricate notes and reflect on them. When you’ve reflected on the notes and the conversation, ask yourself are you really ready to do what it takes to be this kind of wife, and not simply a married woman, because there is a difference that not many women realize. As I stated previously, being married is a blessing, and being single is a blessing as well. Both seasons of life should be valued and appreciated. Learn to be content in whatever season of life you are in with relationships, because the season you desire may not be the spring and summer you imagine it to be.

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.

Goodies from the Lover.ly website.

There are websites out there to satisfy foodies, crafty folks, television junkies, and, of course, brides. Lover.ly is a search engine for brides that allows them to save content similar to Pinterest and it has joined with Real Simple magazine for a content and advertising partnership.

Real Simple, which has 1.975 million readers as of June 2012, will pull some of Lover.ly’s content into its first-ever online weddings channel, TechCrunch reported. Lover.ly currently gets its content from a variety of guest bloggers, a handful of wedding and bridal magazines, and retailers and vendors. By partnering with Real Simple, the content will be syndicated, getting wider reach overall. The partnership also includes an advertising element, as the Real Simple ad sales team will also work to fill Lover.ly’s inventory.

In addition to this partnership, Lover.ly also announced that it is re-designing its website and introducing a new mobile application.

“We’re launching a brand-new property from start to finish,” Lover.ly founder and CEO Kellee Khalil told TechCrunch. “We had to look at our brand, what it stands for, and how it’s going to translate over time. We’re leaning towards becoming a lot more sophisticated, more modern and more tech-centric.”

The mobile app will be more about browsing, but will also allow users to take photos on-the-go and upload them to their Lover.ly pages.

Image: Pixland

Regardless of your industry, it is no longer a question of “if” your small business should have a social media presence, but “how” those platforms should be used. According to the 2012 Social Media Marketing Industry Report, 85 percent of businesses that have a dedicated social media platform reported an increase in their market exposure, and 58 percent reported an increase in sales.

Your social media accounts can do much more than serve as an outpost for your website. Social media is a great way to establish your brand as a thought leader in your industry. It also can be used to build a community of evangelists, involve your customers in your creative process, and reach new audiences.

The key to a dynamic social media presence is good content. Satisfying Internet users’ insatiable appetite for content can seem daunting. But, most brands are sitting on a gold mine of stories to share without realizing it. Here are a few ways to find those stories:

1. Get employees involved.

The people who make your business work are the best resources for content. Social media should be a part of everyone’s job description. Ask employees to create guest posts, or ask for regular updates on clients, corporate culture, and other under the radar developments that you can share online. Making employees visible online humanizes your brand, and they offer a unique perspective that is compelling to readers.

2. Offer behind-the-scenes access.

Everyone likes to feel like they have access to something exclusive or rarely seen. Give your fans and followers that feeling of privilege by offering something extra that they wouldn’t be able to find on your blog or website. Share slides from presentations, videos from events, or a sneak peek at a new product or service.

3. Set a Google Alert on keywords that impact your business.

Narcissism isn’t attractive in person or online. Don’t just talk about yourself, talk about what’s happening in your industry. A reputation for sharing important content will make you a thought leader in your field. Google Alerts and RSS feed subscriptions are especially helpful if you don’t have enough time to produce original content of your own. Direct your followers to good content that’s already out there.

4. Spotlight your customers.

Share the spotlight with the people who use your products or services. It will not only showcase your success but also give exposure to your customers, something they will appreciate. Promote your clients when they do something noteworthy, and they will do the same for you.

5. Build a community.

Social media is not a one-way channel of communication. Posting content without engaging audiences may work for some large brands, but small businesses need to make friends online. New friends can quickly become new customers. Customers don’t want to be advertised to, they want to be engaged. Ask questions and get feedback on the work you’re doing. Contests and promotions are also a great way to keep fans and followers excited and coming back for more.

Has your small business found success leveraging social media? Share some of your favorite tactics in the comment section.

C. Cleveland is a freelance writer and content strategist in New York City, perfecting living the fierce life at The Red Read. She is at your service on Twitter @CleveInTheCity.

Being single seems like the plague to some women. It’s like a disease that is searching for a cure. Normally, that cure is in the form of a man. But sometimes being single is better than being in a relationship. I know it may seem farfetched to some, but hear me out. After some time, I can say that I have recently found joy in my single status.

No, seriously.

I haven’t given up on love and hope that a man, marriage, and a family will come, but I have decided that there are just some things that aren’t worth me handing in my single-girl card for. Nope. Not just yet.

Of course a cheating man is one of those things. And most women, besides the ones on any VH1 reality show, would agree; but I’m referring to the things that are a bit more subtle and less scandalous than my man tipping out on me. These things, although they seem small, make for a bad relationship that usually leave me feeling as if the single life is more attractive.

Within the last two years, I have had a couple of opportunities to be in a relationship; and while they were initially tempting offers I quickly…and sometimes not so quickly…realized that being single was definitely the better option.

Without a bit of hesitation, I can easily say that I would rather be single than be in a relationship that lacks trust. Trust issues, like communication problems, are usually at the root of most troubled relationships. It’s really simple, without trust you have no relationship.

We all know this, but often neglect the notion because we want love; but I’ve learned firsthand that no amount of love can resuscitate a relationship that has been killed by the lack of trust. Being single is much better than dealing with a man I don’t trust or one that doesn’t trust me. It’s a headache that single girls have the luxury of not dealing with.

The lack of trust is something that most would say makes for an unhealthy relationship, but there are other things that often go unnoticed that make a relationship just as bad. One of these things is allowing one or both parties to get too comfortable. I would rather be single than be in a relationship that’s just comfortable.

‘Surviving is not enough’ is one of my mottos in life. To live just to say you’re surviving is not living. I want more. And the same is applicable in relationships. I would prefer being single than being in a relationship that’s just holding on by the threads of comfort. Same routine. Small talk. No excitement. Just comfort. No thanks! Being single is more exciting and less mundane than sticking around in a comfortable relationship.

I would rather be single than be in a relationship that requires me to make compromises that jeopardize my dreams or go against my beliefs. Some men require a lot, others require too much, and some are just unrealistic with their requirements. I’ve dated men who say they support me and my endeavors, however, they only support me when those endeavors don’t interfere with their time. If a relationship requires me to neglect goals simply to satisfy a man, I’d rather be single until I find someone on the same page.

My I’d-rather-be-single list isn’t a ‘fake-me out’ attempt to enjoy the single life or a cover-up of “I-Can’t-Get-A-Man-Syndrome.” Honestly, being single is sometimes more appealing than being in some relationships. I have experienced the nuisances that unhealthy relationships can bring and found that being single has actually been the cure.

I am also the first to admit that most people, especially women, want to be in a relationship at some point in their lives. As people, ultimately, we all need love, and yes, it’s a wonderful thing. But here’s the thing: love is wonderful when it’s the right kind of love, and even then, something so wonderful can become hurtful and draining when it’s not right or based on the right things. Therefore, why put yourself through the ringer to tell be coupled up? Being single, at least until you find the right kind of man and the right kind of respect and love, is much better than being in a relationship when it’s wrong.

More on Madame Noire!

• Did You Know!? 9 Our Favorite Celebs of Cuban Descent (And Some Surprises!)
• That Is Not Normal! The Glorification Of Dysfunctional Relationships
• The Thirst Files: Nothing’s Wrong With A Little E-Flirting Between Two Married People, Right?
• Just Another Sad Love Song: The Soundtrack to My Love Life
• You Don’t Have To Be Wonder Woman: The Importance of Vulnerability In Relationships
• Signs He Will NEVER Be Into You
• Single Black Male: The 5 Steps to Approaching A Woman

It’s been said that love is a dangerous necessity, a world class mystery.  No one is its master. Perhaps one can suppose that as doctors practice medicine and as attorneys practice the law, that individuals merely practice love.  As people hop in and out of relationships in search of love, it can certainly be said then that there is no one right way to behave in a relationship.  But while we acknowledge that no cookie cutter formula exists and that no absolute, definitive road to successful relationships has been paved, let us not be remiss in thinking that there are not approaches to relationships that we can absolutely and definitively file in the dead wrong department.

I’ve listened a lot lately to people speak about their relationships.  And while I, frankly, am much more comfortable in the platonic lane these days, I love love.  It creates great joy in my heart to see people who truly desire to be in committed relationships hopelessly and effortlessly in real love with people they’ve entrusted their hearts to.  As such, I’ve been struck by how frequently people are admitting that they remain in relationships not out of love but out of fear—fear that although they are not truly happy, that what they currently have just might be as good as it gets for them.

Some women remain with men who they aren’t excited about because they treat them well and have the ability to be great providers for their families.  Some men remain with insecure women who lack emotional maturity because they possess all the physical attributes that keep them visually and physically stimulated.  I’ve had women admit that there isn’t much compatibility between them and the man they’re dating, but say, “But I’ve never had anyone treat me this well before.”  I’ve also had men admit that it is hard to get past their woman’s childish and insecure ways but say, “But I’ve never had a woman who was on my level professionally AND came in a package that looked like this before.”  These same men and women have been extremely apprehensive to walk away from relationships that really aren’t working because they’re afraid that they may not be able to find the highly desirable traits they have in their partners with other people.

I certainly understand that there are those who come along and break the mold.  They are game changers, and once the game’s been changed, there really is no going back.  But ladies and gentlemen, we have to acknowledge that the mere fact that someone is a good catch does not always make them a great catch for us.  You can’t hold on to someone because they are the best you’ve had so far and you’re afraid that you won’t find someone comparable if you let them go.  Well, you can, but you probably shouldn’t.  Happiness is paramount, and if you aren’t truly happy…you can’t force it.

I am a firm believer that people can have whatever it is they believe they can have.  If you believe a person that you really should leave is the best you may ever have, it’s likely you’ll never have better.  But imagine what possibilities would exist if you’d rather choose to believe that if you had it once, you can have it again…and maybe even better?  Imagine who could come into your life if you’d simply change your perspective?  Instead of having the attitude that you may be losing out on a good thing, use your experiences with this man or woman as proof that people like him or her do indeed exist and that they happen to be attracted to you.  Although your current relationship won’t last, you know now that a relationship with a man who treats you extremely well is possible.  Or, you recognize that your bad chick game has just been upgraded.  You can rest in that and move on with joyful anticipation of what is to come.

When you find the person who truly melts your butter, we’ve agreed and voted that you make your own rules in your practice of love.  But, let’s agree right now that this whole staying in relationships because you’re scared of the what-ifs business is wack and should be filed away in the dead wrong department we talked about earlier. Why? So you can give yourself a chance to truly be happy.  Pinky swear?

More on Madame Noire!

• Bet You Didn’t Know: Secrets Behind the Making of “The Color Purple”
• Lord Help Me, I’ve Got The Old Chick in The Club, Ready For a Family Itch
• An Open Letter to People With Jobs…Who Don’t Want to Work
• Wondering What The Most Popular Baby Names Were of 2011?
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It’s been a good year for Black women on film, so the Oscars would have you believe. Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer received well-deserved nominations, and Spencer joined the exclusive club of Academy Award-winning Black actresses. But, let’s not forget she is only the sixth Black woman to be recognized with this honor. The last African-American to take home the award for Best Actress in a Leading Role still struggles to find work and saw her latest performance go straight to DVD.

Black women may have been top of mind this awards season, but for the most part they remain invisible on-screen. A recent study by the USC Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism found that 32.6 percent of speaking characters from 2007 to 2010 were female, which translates into an on-screen ration of 2.1 males to every one female. Black actors accounted for 11.6 percent of speaking roles.

Who’s Telling Our Story?

There is an old industry adage in Hollywood – “write what you know.” Best Picture-nominated films with one or more female screenwriters show a higher percentage of female characters than films written solely by men. Only 14.3 percent of directors from 2007 to 2010 were female. The stories of Black women aren’t being told because Black women aren’t doing the telling. Furthermore, they aren’t the ones deciding which stories are told. As chief executive and chief creative officer of OWN, Oprah Winfrey is arguably the only Black woman in television or film with the power to control the images that are presented.

The old guard of Hollywood is still very much in place. It is one where a select group of decision-makers, largely non-minority males, pander to the lowest common denominator of audiences. They subscribe to ideals like films and television shows with Black leads aren’t successful domestically or abroad. Waiting to Exhale, The Cosby Show, and Will Smith are all flukes.

The media is a notoriously monopolized industry. Through a history of mergers and acquisitions, massive corporations; namely General Electric, Walt Disney, News Corp, Time Warner, Viacom, and CBS; now dominate the U.S. media. With everyone reporting to the same boss, it’s no wonder entertainment looks like one big homogenized, whitewashed mess.  But, a shift in the tide is brewing.

by Lauren DeLisa Coleman

New year, new you! One of the top resolutions is usually to become better organized, and now a new tech company called QVIVO can help you do just that.  Organizing your digital media files is very important as more and more of your entertainment content becomes consumed in this manner.  Who wants to waste times with incomplete searches?  If  you are one who likes to shy away from that, there are a few choices that can get you started but a superior offer comes from the hot, new company QVIVO. Thanks to them, your entire personal media collection of film, music and television favorites can be made available to share and stream between any device with the QVIVO app installed – at home or on-the-go!

QVIVO not only automatically imports your media files but organizes them into beautiful libraries complete with cover art, trailers and even subtitles.  All the Internet’s popular files and formats are supported in gorgeous HD.  The company offers unlimited cloud storage which means that the content actually rests on another super computer outside of your own and is simply available to you whenever you log on (an example of content stored in a cloud is your daily use of Gmail, for example). Liam McCallum, QVIVO founder, and Executive

Producer explains, “Unlike other Cloud media platforms, we’ve spent a considerable amount of time perfecting video.  Uploads are lightening fast, and all the heavy lifting of converting files to right formats is done automatically for users in the QVIVO Cloud. “

Jon Niermann,  QVIVO co-founder, adds, “What’s really exciting about QVIVO is how it keeps the whole family’s media library in sync without the need to push huge files to each device. I can pause a movie on my PC and automatically resume it on my Mac.  Simply by clicking the play button, QVIVO  starts streaming from the original device across the network or from the QVIVO Cloud – whichever is closer.”

QVIVO is connected! You can also  link each family member’s profile to their Facebook accounts so that they can check-in, like and rate their favorite media.  In addition, with a single button users can tell friends what they’re into and then in real-time while watching video or listening to music.

But here’s one of the best parts: QVIVO apps are free; allowing users to play and stream media around the home. The PC and Mac apps are currently available to download with the iOS prepared for release in just a few weeks. QVIVO Cloud streaming plans featuring unlimited Cloud storage start at an incredible $1.99/mo.

You don’t have to be a super-techie to jump into this system. It’s fairly easy to navigate and the design is quite user-friendly.  See more at www.qvivo.com.  Organized files are just a few clicks away.  Enjoy!

Numbers for Rihanna’s latest album, Talk That Talk, were released last week to chatter that the pop princess’s reign just might be letting up. The album debuting at No. 3 on the Billboard 200 albums chart with 197,040 units sold might be disappointing to some, but anyone forecasting the demise of Rihanna’s career is getting ahead of themselves.

The ubiquity of the Rihanna brand has nothing to do with album sales. She has released six albums in as many years, and none of them reached number one. That didn’t stop 11 of her singles from topping Billboard’s Hot 100. Constant visibility has been essential to the pop diva’s success.

Between blogs providing daily updates of her wardrobe choices and radio stations flooding the airwaves with her new material, the pop diva has been hard to escape since her career making single “Umbrella” dropped in 2007. Yet somehow Rihanna manages to keep her target demographic begging for more. Though enigmatic on the surface, Rihanna employs an audience engagement strategy that can be replicated by any brand.

Sakita Holley, a lifestyle brand strategist at House of Success, identifies audience, consistency, and relevance as the keys to creating engaging content. “People that aren’t fans of Rihanna’s may feel that she’s over-saturating the airwaves, but her fans are perfectly fine with her output. The key is for brands to really focus on their audience,” she said.

Read the rest of this entry »

by R. Asmerom

Content is a lucrative business and not just for the big shots like CNN, eHow or TMZ.  In the infinite landscape of online information, there is an abundance of content to choose from, even when you’re considering African American news.

The major players in the Black news genre include The Root, The Grio, and AOL Black Voices, but what these three have in common is not simply their focus on the Black perspective but the fact that they are all backed by robust networks. The Root has the Washington Post behind it; the Grio has the power of MSNBC behind it; and Black Voices has media giant AOL pushing its content.

“Mainstream media primarily powers their black stepchild publications by being a major traffic referral source,” said Darrell L. Williams, founder and publisher of TheLoop21.com. “That serves to inflate their traffic numbers.  But how does that serve the black audiences that these publications are targeting?”

TheLoop21.com is one of the few independent African-American news entities in the game. The site is funded by Williams, an economist by trade, and is operated by a staff of editors and freelance writers who contribute to sections including business, politics and media.

Williams contends that its independence actually shapes its responsibility to its core audience. “Being independent is actually an advantage because [we] can address issues that matter to black audiences in ways that are authentic and candid, a luxury that is unavailable to publications that are dependent on mainstream media,” he said.

The battle between quality and quantity is one that will never die in the news business. As many lament the death of quality journalism at the hands of a race to garner more clicks, it is unquestionable which side is dominating online. And that’s the business side. Many in the media game know that it’s not about content being king, it’s more so about the tricks and trade of marketing your stories to the largest audience possible especially when dealing with non-celebrity oriented news. Page views and unique visitors, among other things, are the metrics that determine the profitability of a company.

So is it possible in this day and age to launch a news site when the market is as competitive as ever? Although anyone can start a blog, not everyone can start a site.

The FreshXpress, the site that filters the Black news of the day through the humourous, enlightening and savvy commentary of its bloggers, has managed to do so with very little overhead and investment. Co-founders Sean Walton Jr and Arlen E. Herrell got the idea for The FreshXpress the day after Barack Obama was inaugurated as President. Neither had journalism experience nor journalistic ambitions. What they did have was a passion to communicate the spirit of Black America as evoked by the new Commander-in-Chief.

“We want to be the go-to website for a commissary of issues that are at the heart of black America,” said Walton. “We want to be a website for people who want to understand what’s going on in the the minds of young black Americans.”

Life can be overwhelming, especially when there is a lack of structure or balance. From working long hours to attempting to manage a social life, our health, relationships, and mental well-being may sometimes go under-nourished. While we may not immediately see the destruction, in the long-run this can prove detrimental to all aspects of our health. We begin looking older than we should, feeling fatigued from an overwhelmed mind, and are even in a constant state of PMS outside of our normal ‘time of the month’.

So what’s a woman to do when she’s on a path to creating the life she wants but finds it hard to manage it all? Of course we all have to figure out what works best for us individually, but here are 7 ways to help you begin the process of getting your life together.