All Articles Tagged "confusion"
I’m sure you’ve read just about enough articles on why black women are single and never will get married to make you want to shut off your computer and stop your magazine subscriptions. There’s enough random statistics and surveys out there about our lives and personal business, and a majority of the time, it comes from non-black women. If you’re gullible enough, you’ll probably take all of these stories and more to heart and start panicking, but if you’re not, you’re probably just tired of it all. That’s probably why we decided to come up with this list of misconceptions about all black women when it comes to dating and why we’re single that need to be rid of. Feel free to add more way down below and let people know they need to stop worrying about you and yours.
We’re trying to get hooked up with any and everybody
Thanks, but no thanks. Whether it’s through your friends who mean well or a parent who is worried about the lack of grandbabies running around their home, some people assume that you’ll be a perfect match with the first guy they find who has a decent smile, decent style and decent credit. However, they totally ignore all the glaring signs that this fella is not your type. If folks run across a man they know you’ll have so much in common with, cool. But the whole idea that we’re so desperate nowadays to take and deal with anything isn’t cool. We’re not all out in these streets wishing and praying and hoping for the first man with a pulse who smiles in our direction.
I didn’t want to accept that all men cheat. I didn’t want to have to almost take a bullet or put money in some guys’ commissary to know its love. I lived somewhere in between Bronx Tale and Poetic Justice and developed a love all on my own. But how can I know my love was healthy or true if no one ever taught me?
For a minute let us forget about the big L word and focus on the nuisances of love, what leads to love, the like process, the shacking up (if you choose to), how to make love, how to know that the love you’re making is good, etc. I was taught the ills, the pitfalls, the trickery that can come with love but as far as my momma was concerned, we didn’t need to talk about the good stuff or the many confusing things.
I don’t blame my mom, I love her dearly and in all honesty I don’t think she could’ve taught me because like myself I don’t believe she was ever taught, but why not? Most things in life I’ve learned; language, speech, applying makeup, mathematics but for some reason we think love and a like is a given.
A few months ago I decided to give my boyfriend a key to my place. This took months of scrutiny, though he was only getting the bottom lock; a conversation with my older sister had to happen, nights of anxiety transpired and still I felt uneasy about it. It wasn’t one of those, ‘my intuition is telling me something bad’ but more ‘how do I go about it?’ What does this mean for our relationship? And now that we’re practically living together –something I’ve never done before- how do I (semi) live with a man? Do I wake up with make-up on, a la Whitley on a Different world? Which bills does he pay? He’s offered to pay whichever bill I decide but which do I decide? Do I let him pay any bills at all? These may seem like questions someone younger than myself (flirty thirty) would be asking but I’ve never been in love like this before.
In a perfect world, before I ever met a fella and fell for him, my mom would have talked to me about a few things. We already know she would have covered, shiftlessness, shadiness and his falling short but would she have thrown in a few happy facts for the guy who made the cut? Here’s what I would hope my mother would go over:
1. He’s not always thinking about you- and that’s ok.
This funny thing happened with my man. He had a bad day, a few bad days and came home and made the blanket statement “everything in my life sucks right now.” I was blown, immediately I thought, “really, so my sheer presence isn’t enough to make you happy 24/7?” Yes and no. Yes, you represent happiness in his life but a man is going to have a bad day or few and you can’t fix it and more importantly, it’s NOT about you.
It’s so easy for things to go out of style and for others to be in denial about it. In the entertainment business, what’s hot one minute can go out of style with the quickness the next. And while most viewers or consumers might express that they’re tired of seeing something, as long as it makes somebody a few dollars, it’s sure to be around for a while–whether you like it or not. But it never hurts to b***h about it, right? That’s what I’m here for…
People With Little to No Talent on My TV
And they’re making mad money! Call me jealous (I am…just a bit) about it all, but with all the talented people I see on the trains alone in NYC trying to get some attention and a few dollars, it makes me somewhat irritated that folks who can’t hold a note, act for s**t, or do something other than act a fool in Louboutins on reality TV are making all the money and taking all the jobs. Who needs to be talented when you can writhe around on the floor butt naked in an unimaginative music video while singing/yelling/yodeling and go platinum because of it? Right?
Although it takes a while to get there, there’s something awesome about that period of time when a woman, post a big breakup, finally gains her peace of mind and full happiness back. You can listen to sentimental and sad love songs without feeling some kind of way, you can talk about your ex without wanting to call him up and go postal (maybe), and you’re either enjoying being alone and independent, or trying your hand at getting back into the dating game. As nice as this place is to be in mentally, I’m sure many women have had an ex who just wouldn’t let her have that peace. Just when you were “getting back to happy,” ‘ol boy you used to cry over slowly but surely starts trying to make his way back into your life. It all starts with a text, or a call, but once you start entertaining him, it’s hard to stop. If your ex-man does the following, it’s probably because he wants to get back right with you. It’s up to you to determine if you’re going to let it happen though…
After being the poster couple for mismatched love, Jay-Z and Beyoncé finally have it all–they have more money than they can count, they’re at the top of both of their respective music genres, and now they have a new baby–Blue Ivy Carter. While people estimated breakup dates after the two made it clear (without saying) that they were couple, now, they’re sitting on top of the world. They’re not the first couple to have us scratching our heads, but they might be the most successful pairing to stick together. Here are a few other funny looking brothas who nabbed beautiful women at one time or another–even if it didn’t always work out.
As much as men say they can’t read women and we’re so hard to understand, I often find myself feeling the same way about them. Case in point: a really nice guy who I just met, a new friend of my family, and probably twice my age, asked for my number. And while some might be flattered, I have no interest in this guy like that whatsoever. He’s damn near my uncle’s age and well…like I said, I have no interest in the guy like that. Ever since that incident, I’ve literally been ducking and dodging him, as the things he says to me and ways he gazes at me (since he’s around a lot now) gives me the hee-bee jebees.