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I remember in the early nineties watching my older sister get ready for date night. The boys would call our house phone and would automatically have to speak to one of our parents or, if they were lucky, me, the little sister. At that time, you couldn’t rely on technology to advance your relationships. There was something special about the romantic essence of 1990s love: dating timelines had more embellishments like a designer dress. Today, romance can be found instantaneously at any coffee shop, lounge, or school hallway.  Nineties relationships appeared fun — house parties, late-night jonesing and Guy’s ‘Let’s Chill’ could set the mood at any moment. I could not wait to grow up and experience the same thing, but instead I found myself in the “Hook-Up” generation.

In the CNN article, Young Adults and Hook A Up Culture, Ian Kerner writes, “College is a rite of passage, filled with experiences ranging from parties to all-night cram sessions to that first serious relationship. Yet romance may be getting short shrift these days, replaced instead with quick “hookups” devoid of any real emotion.” That’s the argument of a provocative new book, “The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy,” by Donna Freitas.

The dating culture has changed, but its evolution did not leave emotions behind. What has taken place is nonchalant behavior, which the millennial generation appears to be conflicted by. Freitas argues college students who engage in hooking up — kissing and more in depth sexual activity — usually feel empty and depressed. She gathered her research from “557 male and female students who responded to a question asking how they felt the morning after a hookup, 41% of those expressed sadness, regret and ambivalence.”

There have been numerous claims that the dating culture of millennials pressures young men and women to indulge in unfulfilling hookups, though they may not enjoy it.

Like most young adults, I lived on campus for college and engaged in many nights of the infamous “What Happens Here, Stays Here” motto. But one valuable piece of information Freitas’ research does not cover, were the people surveyed under any type of influence before or during their hookups?

The millennial generation and its surrounding pop culture are known for normalizing the use of narcotics, which does not give room for a focused mind. Also most young people can agree, unlike the generations before them, they would like to learn how to commit to themselves before they can with another person. So, perhaps like college, hooking up is also a rite of passage in the grand scheme of romantic/sexual relationships.

The confusion that is pre-packaged with hookups can be exhilarating, mysterious, exhausting, emotional and downright hot, but I believe the true question to ask is: Should dating culture evolve for the sake of intimacy? And if not, then where do we go from here?

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The most important part of any relationship is communication. Without proper communication, a relationship is all but doomed. But, communication is two sided; not only do you have to be willing to talk and express yourself, you also have to know how to be a good listener. If you want to do some good for yourself and for your relationship, focus on bettering your listening skills. Here are 14 ways to do it.

Most of us are women here so I don’t have to tell you that when it comes to communication, we’re different than the men folk. We get very particular when it comes to relaying a message. You would think in this digital age, where there are various vehicles to reach out to someone, that communication would be easier. But that’s not the case. And we’ve seen that time and time again when we’re texting. After conducting a small study, we found that we women can be a bit butt when it comes to sending and receiving text messages just the way we like them. In case you don’t know what I mean, find yourself on this list.

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From Essence

I never believe anyone who says, “I don’t have a jealous bone in my body.” Everyone has experienced some form of jealousy in life, whether it is amongst siblings, friends or even successful people we don’t know. Experiencing jealousy, however, does not make you a jealous person.

My sister-friend has been dating a guy for two months and it has been going great. So much so, she was pretty sure she was ready to take it to the next level with him. Two weeks ago, we were having lunch and she was constantly wondering what he was doing while he was out of town. If he took too long to return a text, she’d repeatedly check her messages and then ultimately send new text messages until he responded.

Four days ago, the guy suggested that they take a break after he caught her going through his phone following a night out where she’d questioned him about every woman to whom he spoke. Infidelity in my sister-friend’s past relationships was one part of the reason she was acting this way. The larger issue was that her insecurities were running rampant and because she really liked this guy she was afraid of losing him. Ironically, her own jealous actions lost him faster than another woman ever could.

Read more at Essence.com

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From YourTango

By Rick Clemons

Now, I can laugh at this thought. Still, just a little over twelve years ago, I would have said the same thing, “I’m not gay, I just like having sex with men!” Ahem, excuse me that sounds a little homosexual to me. Granted, if you’re a male, having sex with a male, you could be bi-sexual, so just admit it and move on. Yet, I didn’t fit that mold twelve years ago, either. I was caught in a dysfunctional sexual limbo that made no sense.

Of course, now things have changed, and it all makes sense…I’m a happy homosexual. I’ve joined the ranks of “Happily Divorced,” and am no longer messing around with other married men, disengaging from the experience, and pretending to be something I’m not. However, contrary to popular belief there are more from whence I came…married men, looking for married men!

Shocking as it may seem to some of you, this phenomena is not new, nor a dwindling fad. Of course I have no cold hard facts to prove this statement, and I don’t need them. All I need is a computer, an Internet connection, and an hour of free time. With those three things at my disposal I can find numerous sites where married men for married men lurk. I can also join online groups where these guys exchange their stories, get support for their dual lives, and of course also find the occasional hook-up. And, then there’s online chat rooms, gay male hook-up sites, gay male apps, that also work for men who are married and just having sex with men, even though their not gay. After all why not fish where your most likely to hook one, especially when you can do it inconito!

Read more at YourTango.com

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Men can be just as sneaky as women. They speak in metaphors all the time. In fact, they prefer them to straight out telling you what changes they want made. And usually, they’ll use another couple as a reference point to send you a subtle signal. Here are common things your man might say about another couple, and what he’s trying to tell you.

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From YourTango

Change. Do you thrive on it or relish the status quo? Either way, change is the one constant in life and in relationships that can wreak havoc if you’re not able to collaborate and  navigate through it without stress, worry and self-sabotaging talk from your Internal Chain of Command.

When one party grows at a different pace or events both unexpected and planned result in surprising consequences that we hadn’t imagined, there can be challenges and stress. Sometimes seemingly unequal situations can cause resentment and anger. Think of how professional changes, financial losses or emergency health issues can impact you and your relationship.

The relationship can still grow, but sometimes in an unanticipated direction and this can be threatening. When we learn to collaborate with our partner, we come from an open place of “What’s In It For Us?”  Conflict resolutions requires that each party accepts the other for who they are and where they are in life at that moment. Regardless of the curve balls life throws our way, when we collaborate, we always have our partner’s back.

Seeing the power in accepting change as a normal process in relationships and seeing that no matter where anyone is, each person can benefit when invited to be part of a collaborative solution. It can also mean letting your partner come up with his or her own solution and letting go of your agenda. This is where compassion comes into play, too. Remember we all have a higher self if we allow ourselves to hear its voice. We already have the answers within and collaboration serves to bring them out as a team.

Check out the strategies on YourTango.com.

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Small talk can become a very effective way of networking within the office environment, whether it’s connecting with your supervisor, another upper-level manager or the front desk associate. Small talk can also be just as intimidating as networking, reaching out and sparking conversation with those who might not have common interests.

You don’t have to be sports savvy, a Scandal super fan, or even an extrovert to begin some small talk around the office (even though it couldn’t hurt!). Here are a few tips and ideas to get your mouth going during those moments of small talk in the office.

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So you’re dating this guy, and on one hand you care about him and like being around him, but on the other hand, there are times when you really can’t stand to be in his presence and consider leaving him and moving on to someone new. When a love-hate dichotomy exists within a relationship, there’s bound to be emotions and thoughts that range from one side of the spectrum to the other. And since relationships are full of emotional ups and downs, some couples think that these dips and dives aren’t indicative of a love-hate relationship, but instead one that is just normal. If you’re unsure of your relationship and how you really feel about it, here are some signs that you love someone but sorta hate them at the same time — and need to either fix it or get out