All Articles Tagged "commitment"
Is She Right? Jada Pinkett Says People Resent Seeing Little Girls With A Sense Of Self They Don’t Have
I remember vividly the first time I came to know the name Jada Pinkett. It was in the last days of “A Different World,” when the “The Cosby Show ” spin-off sitcom set on a Historically Black College campus was struggling to keep its freshness as it transitioned in to the early 90′s. Beloved characters Dwayne Wayne & Whitley Gilbert were all grown-up and professional, and the show’s once authentic connection to college life, youth culture and energy was dwindling. Insert Jada Pinkett’s Lena James, a powerful pint-sized freshman who boomed with energy and breathed new life in to cast. She joins the cast as a freshman, Lena James, introducing her self to the common area with a not so humble solo step routine: “L to the E, to the N, to the A, Step off, you ain’t getting no play!” From that moment on, in my 9 year-old mind, I was pretty sure I wanted to be her. She exemplified the spirit of what largely came to define the creative Black experience in the 90′s: loud, colorful and unapologetically proud. That was 20 years ago.
I find myself on the phone with Jada on a Thursday afternoon about a month ago. She’s in the process of doing promotions for “Free Angela And All Political Prisoners,” the brilliant documentary directed by Shola Lynch. After a friend shared the film with her, Jada came on as a producer using her hollywood muscle to help get the film distributed in select AMC theaters nationwide. What I thought would be the typical 15-minute movie junket interview (abruptly ended by publicists listening in on the other end), turned in to a 90-minute phone call with the real Mrs. Smith about everything from her early relationship with her husband to why people should lay off Rihanna.
In what #TeamBEautiful has deemed the Best.Jada.Interview.Ever., we speak with the stylish and brutally honest A-lister about about parenting, dating, marriage, Black hollywood, and why America loves to hate on little girls. Check out the first of our three part series.
HB: You get a lot of criticism on the way you parent, has it ever bothered you?
JPS: You know what, I get it. In people eyes, I could see how it could be radical. It’s so funny the more I sit back and think about it, I was raised like this. It’s so natural to me–my situation was different; I had a lot of freedom. My mother worked a lot and she also struggled with drugs. So I had a lot of freedom at 12. But I also paid attention to where freedom worked and where it didn’t. One of the freedoms that I had was hair and clothes and how it completely [helped to] develop my self-esteem and sense of worth. And how, if I could dye my hair blue and shave it on the sides and deal with people remarks or smirks while I am walking to school, I’m good. To be able to stand tall in my own personal convictions for who I am and what I decided I wanted to be. And I was given that at a very early age. So by the time I got to 18 and I came out to LA, there was nobody out here that was going to pull me out of my own Jada game because I was very clear about who I am. You aren’t going to sucker me into to doing some crazy Isht I didn’t want to do. I didn’t have someone dictating to me along on what I need to be, and then at 18 struggling to figure out–I was already there. And the difference I see in Willow at 12 is, she’s got a loving father and the truth of the matter is that a girl’s emotional development is really strongly developed based on her relationship with her father. I just think of parenting at this: I don’t believe until waiting until a child is 18 to throw them to the world. I’d rather have kids in my house with me, building out certain freedoms as you go, and being there with them in my house while they are exercising these certain freedom so that we can be in the process in these freedoms together. When my children are 18, they will be fine. I don’t have to worry about them. Life starts when you pop out of the womb, and that’s what I believe!
Read more at HelloBeautiful.com
Change. Do you thrive on it or relish the status quo? Either way, change is the one constant in life and in relationships that can wreak havoc if you’re not able to collaborate and navigate through it without stress, worry and self-sabotaging talk from your Internal Chain of Command.
When one party grows at a different pace or events both unexpected and planned result in surprising consequences that we hadn’t imagined, there can be challenges and stress. Sometimes seemingly unequal situations can cause resentment and anger. Think of how professional changes, financial losses or emergency health issues can impact you and your relationship.
The relationship can still grow, but sometimes in an unanticipated direction and this can be threatening. When we learn to collaborate with our partner, we come from an open place of “What’s In It For Us?” Conflict resolutions requires that each party accepts the other for who they are and where they are in life at that moment. Regardless of the curve balls life throws our way, when we collaborate, we always have our partner’s back.
Seeing the power in accepting change as a normal process in relationships and seeing that no matter where anyone is, each person can benefit when invited to be part of a collaborative solution. It can also mean letting your partner come up with his or her own solution and letting go of your agenda. This is where compassion comes into play, too. Remember we all have a higher self if we allow ourselves to hear its voice. We already have the answers within and collaboration serves to bring them out as a team.
Check out the strategies on YourTango.com.
I can’t imagine, even in this hysteria over the scanty supply of single Black men, that any sister’s best bet for a relationship would be with a dude in prison. I just can’t. Barring him being a hubby or a serious boyfriend prior to his incarceration, there is nothing—not his golden-throated promises, not a miraculous behavioral transformation, not even his physical Idris Elba-esque magnificence—that could make sense of picking up a boo thang serving hard time in the pen.
I’m open to dating someone who’s gotten his act together post-release (and I’m not talking about two weeks after he hits the outside, either), but an inside man? No thanks. That’s just me, though. Because last week, news was electric with stories about Tavon White, the gang leader in a Baltimore jail who had 13 female corrections officers smuggling drugs, cell phones and other contraband in so that he and his cronies could continue to run their enterprise out in the liberated part of the world.
This guy was behind bars pulling in—according to his own braggadocio—$16,000 in a slow month. That’s an insult and a bummer. But the real kicker is that, detained and all, homeboy fathered five children with four of those women. (Yeah, somebody double dipped.) He’s been locked up since 2009. For attempted murder. And four women in positions of professional authority were so swayed by whatever the heck they were so swayed by that they risked their health, safety, careers and reputations—because their names are sure ‘nuff blasted all over the internet—to not only participate in his criminal underdealings but have babies by him.
Two of them even got tattoos of the man’s name, one on her neck. Lord Jesus, there’s a fire. I wring my hands in despair.
At this point, we could argue about better prison controls, the corruption of the corrections system, the misappropriation that allowed an inmate to operate a full-blown criminal enterprise from the discomforts of his danky little cell. But I want to know what kind of psychological superiority this man is outfitted with to make him able to pluck out women just vulnerable enough to go along with the go along and become his willing assistants.
Read more at Essence.com.
Jada Pinkett Smith is taking another shot at addressing the persistent rumors that she and hubby Will Smith have an open marriage. The actress took to her Facebook page this past weekend to comment on the public’s preoccupation with the goings-on in her bedroom because, you know, we have to know. First and foremost, wrote Jada, is “trust and love.” That would include agreeing that one doesn’t “own” the other.
“Do we believe that ownership is the reason someone should ‘behave?’” she asked “Do we believe that all the expectations, conditions, and underlying threats of “you better act right or else” keep one honest and true?”
Jada added that she trusts Will, and he the same. “Will and I BOTH can do WHATEVER we want, because we TRUST each other to do so,” she wrote. “This does NOT mean we have an open relationship…this means we have a GROWN one.”
So we get the whole bit about Will and Jada’s marriage being none of our business, (because, really, it isn’t) but her open letter has us thinking about the expectations we so often bring into relationships. How many of us can really say that we allow our significant other to be who they really want to be?
Read more at Essence.com
I like to think that I am an optimist. Most of the time, my first reaction is to assume that things will work out ok, even if I’m not sure how. One challenge that I have faced in my 13-year marriage is that I think my husband tends towards the pessimistic, especially when challenges come up at work. The good news is that there is an easy way for me (and you) to make your significant other happier.
A recent study reports that one third of people would feel more optimistic about life if their partner showed them more commitment. Really? Just show my S.O. that I am committed to him and the relationship and voila, optimism increases? Done.
Here are ten easy ways to demonstrate to your partner that your commitment will stand the tests of time. In addition to making your partner happier, you’ll get a warm fuzzy feeling too!
- Don’t threaten to leave. This may seem self-evident, but nothing shows a lack of commitment like talking about bailing. We’ve all been there–the argument gets heated, and its the same argument you’ve had a thousand times. Your mind starts to think “My life would be so much easier if I were gone. . .”. While its completely normal to have these thoughts, sharing them out loud (or even subconsciously) does nothing for the level of commitment your partner feels from you. So the next time you have thoughts about leaving, keep them to yourself. Cool down, and then make a list of all the great qualities your partner has.
Read more at YourTango.com
Breaking up is hard to do, which could be why people will try anything to avoid it —-things that, if they were on the outside looking in, would look pretty petty. But you can’t slap a band aid on a broken arm. And you can’t fix a relationship that is broken at its core with any of these attempts.
The man with the well-manicured mustache has all the funnies and now, apparently all the answers when it comes to love. Steve Harvey, the self professed love guru to the everyday woman and author of the best-selling book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man uses his show as a platform to answer women’s most pressing issues and questions regarding men. So what, pray-tell, gives Steve the right to think he’s the expert on relationships? I mean, the king of comedy dresses in swagger-esque suits that fit like a glove, but does he fit into this love advisor role so easily? Especially since he’s on his third marriage, and has claims of abuse thrown at him from his ex-wife.
Regardless of those accusations, people shouldn’t be quite so quick to disregard Steve’s advice. Sure, some of it is a little left-field, but there are times when he’s been dead-on. Here are a few book quotes that prove we should lend Steve our ears and hear at least some of what he has to say.
Most times, when people ponder which gender is more prone to wanting to make a relationship “official” sooner, females are likely to be the gender that they go with. But, a new survey conducted by Glamour in conjunction with Zoosk.com suggests that the fellas are desiring a commitment earlier than the ladies are.
In the survey, which was conducted on 1,441 men and 1,147 women, 43% of the men said that people should usually make a relationship official after a few good dates. On the other hand, the study revealed that women are more likely to wait a few months before they begin “sealing deals” and passing out titles.
While this probably won’t come as much of a shocker, when asked when the most appropriate time to get intimate was, 42.1% of the guys said after the third date, while 52.8% of the ladies said they’d prefer to wait until an official commitment has been communicated. Both men and women agreed that a pair should begin meeting each other’s families right after they officially commit to one another and that the couple can start meeting each other’s friends after 1 to 5 dates.
When asked who should say, “I love you,” first, both men and women expressed that it doesn’t really make a difference. The ladies and the fellas also agreed that when to exchange keys and when to get engaged are “complex issues” that can’t be timed. And finally, both men and women agreed that they like the idea of living together prior to getting engaged.
What are your thoughts on relationship timelines? Are they necessary or uncalled for?
Tying the knot is a big step in life and while you may seem ready, there are definitely some things you’ll want to know before you say your vows and commit to just one man. Some of these small details can really impact your relationship, negatively or positively. So, if you’re hearing wedding bells in the near future, before it becomes official, here are some must-know details.
Recently, a few of my friends have come across the sentiment that men don’t want to even date seriously if they’re not in a certain place financially. Can you explain whether this is really a thing or an excuse to avoid commitment? And if it is a thing what types of markers do men need before they can feel comfortable progressing in a relationship?
Curious About Men And Cash