All Articles Tagged "comfort"
Serious Question: Is Sex In A Public Place (A Dark One) Too Taboo For You, Or Would You Say, “Never Say Never”?
So there I was, minding my business, grabbing my things and putting my jacket on in the darkness of a movie theater after spending more than two hours watching the Rock’s fine behind in Pain and Gain.
As my friend and I proceeded to exit the theater, I realized that we were a few of the last people to leave. Hey, you never know what extra scenes you’ll see or information you’ll get during the credits. Walking out, I noticed two more people, a young man and woman, still in the theater seats, way up, chilling. And then before I knew it, before they went out of my eye view, the young lady went ahead and straddled her male companion and they started making out ferociously. That was it. They were about to get it in.
My friend started laughing on our way out the door while I was completely in shock. I think we’ve all as young people gotten a little frisky with a boyfriend at least once while watching a movie (in college for me though; If me or my man is spending $13 for a movie now, we’re for damn sure going to pay attention to the whole thing). But as dirty as movie theater seats are, I wouldn’t be trying to expose my goodies in any of the four corners of such a place.
“That’s sooooo gross, man!” I said to my friend as we went down the many escalators on our way out, but she didn’t really have a response. She just smirked and then filled me in, happily reminiscing about the time she got caught with her boyfriend having sex in a public place–by the cops. There was no arrest made luckily, and she just counted it as an experience, a seemingly unforgettable one. I plan to go on a vacation with my boyfriend this summer, and knowing this, after telling her, “I just couldn’t do all that,” she said, “When you go on vacation, please, have fun.”
AKA, have sex on the beach, in a park, at the movies, in a car, on a balcony, or anywhere that might get my heart pounding for more than the obvious. Oh hell no is all I could think at that moment.
And after telling a few more folks about the frisky moviegoers, it seems that my friends were equally bold in their places of sexual activity, and in the end, I was pretty much one of the few people I knew who cringed at the idea of doing it in such a risque way, where any ‘ol body could find me in a compromising “position.”
I’m not trying to sound like Brice from Temptation, claiming that every time you engage in sex with your partner, it has to be in the sanctity of your bedroom, but I barely like engaging in a whole bunch of PDA. Therefore, for me, it’s always been something very taboo. But the more I thought about it after my conversations yesterday and today, I thought to myself, “Hmph, that actually sounds like it could be…interesting.” I’m not saying that the next time I have sex I’ll be dropping it low somewhere in a Starbucks corner, but I’ve learned that it’s best to never say never (thanks Brandy!). Except in the case of bringing third parties in, because that’s just a terrible idea (and gross). Being close-minded, especially when it comes to the ins and outs of a relationship and what you are willing to try with your partner is a good way to end up with conflict, but I would say that I’m not about to do something I’m uncomfortable with. Thankfully, my partner hasn’t asked for anything like this, so for now, I can continue to say that I’m not really down with the idea. But let’s just say that in the heat of the moment, we’ll have to wait and see what happens in the future…
And yes, Pain and Gain was very entertaining…if you were wondering.
So what are your thoughts on the idea of having sex in public? Is it just too taboo?
There might be some correlation between the size of my shoe heel and my current trajectory through womanhood.
I was 15 years old and at an age where a girls most important fashion aim to look as womanly as possible. Coming cool off a tomboy phase, which back in the early 90s meant oversized shirts and jackets; baggy jeans and timberland boots, I was learning quick from my more “mature” peers that there was nothing less womanly than a girl parading around in sneakers or flats. My introduction to heels came by way of a lipstick red Mary Janes. I had gotten them because they were just like the pair that my best girlfriend had and she was as girly as they came. Plus the shoes were the most comfortable looking pair of all of her repertoire of pumps. Flexible enough to give the foot some room to bend and with a chunky heel, Mary Janes actually felt a lot like how they looked. Plus they were cute and could be worn and pretty much went with anything. I liked the shoes so much that I got another pair in white patent leather and then another pair in black. By my fifth pair, I started noticing that the heels on the Mary Janes started getting higher and thinner and eventually I abandoned the Mary Jane design all together…
According to science, the feet contains 26 bones, 107 ligaments and 19 muscles and tendons. By the time that I had reached 25, my various heels had managed to irritate the hell out of all of them. I was in the midst of my personal fashion era, where style mattered over comfort. Heels, I felt, gave my legs more contouring. They also made me look sophisticated. Plus they were more fashionable than flats. Most non-flip-flop and sneaker flats looked like the shoes that middle-aged moms wore to work as an administrative assistant at the DMV. No young and virile young woman wants to look like their mom-at-work. This led to many evenings out, where the pain from my heels would either relegate me to a chair, watching everyone else have fun, or holding on for dear life to some random guy I was supposed to be dancing with. While years of practice eventually got me over my balance issues, I could never get to the point of foot nirvana, where I could withstand the discomfort of wearing heels for an extended period of time. Even kitten heels were beginning to feel cumbersome like the time my boyfriend and I ended up on the wrong bus and I had to walk 7 long city blocks in these really horrible heeled cowboy boots to get to our destination. I tried soldiering on but after the third block, it literally hurt my entire foot to take a step. Eventually I kicked them puppies off and opted to walk carefully the rest of the blocks in my socks – much to the embarrassment of my then-boyfriend. But I rolled my eyes at him. The only reason why we were walking was because he didn’t have a car.
After a while heel spurs prevented me from wearing most heels and the kitten ones. At the same time, ballet shoes started making their appearance on runways and on the foot of celebrities at red carpet events. It wouldn’t be long before the style made it ways to malls and discount shoe warehouses, and only to the foot of the average girl about town. For once, it would seem, fashion had done something that I personally needed it to do for years: be stylish yet comfortable. These were not your mom-at-work-flats. The new generation of flatties had bows and ruffles; closed and peep-toed; pastel, neon, glimmered and zebra-print too. The style possibilities were endless. Combined with the right outfit, your flats now could go from casual-chic to playful to sexay. Pretty soon women started showing up at nightclubs and other evening events in flats.
Some economist believe we had the recession to blame for the period in which the catwalks of high fashion went main street. If that is true, than truly thank you George Walker Bush Jr. because finally there were some shoes I could not only walk for extended periods of time but damn near skip down the street in if I wanted too. I began to realize how little I walked prior to the popularity of the ballet shoe. Now, instead of rushing from car to seat-in-venue, I could actual enjoy the moments I had on my feet. In fact, in the most identical situation, one day I found myself having to walk almost ten blocks towards my destination after again getting off at the wrong bus stop. This time, however, I had on a cute little pair of snakeskin pointy-toed flats, which meant that I was free from the time restraints that my heels would give my pumps. Not only was walking those blocks a breeze but I actually stopped a few times to do some window shopping and take in the sights and sounds of my journey along the way. For me, the flats era of shoe fashion were about options.
As I went shoe shopping this weekend, I noticed that the selections of ballet shoes and other flat heels are not as plentiful and diverse in style as they were last Spring. The rise of platform pumps and sneakers has repositioned the heel back to its rightful place at the top of the shoe hierarchy. Just out of curiosity, I tried on a pair of those platform heels. They were a pair of mean black leather with five inches of heel and metal spikes along the back. All this working out I have doing has basically ended all my heel spurs, perhaps it brought some heel-tolerance back to my feet again. Immediately after putting them on, I started casing the department store for all available seating like they were emergency exits. I thought about it and then I wrapped them up, put them back in the box and handed them back to the sale man. Flats had certainly spoiled me. And as sexay and sophisticated as they looked on my foot I didn’t have the same desire to put on airs about what I thought being a woman meant. Now I am a woman. And my shoe styles will only serve are reflection of that: stylish, comfortable and free from unnecessary pain.
Read any blog, check any fashion site and you will almost always see someone say, “If I could just rock the Halle ____.”
Well, get ready because there is a chance you may be able to get a piece of Halle Berry in your closet.
According to EURweb, the actress will soon be coming out with her own shoe line. Berry will be working with Germain retailer Deichmann Shoes to release some shoes in line with what the Cover Girl would rock on her feet.
The line, “5th Avenue by Halle Berry” are described as being fashionable yet comfortable shoes bound to fit the lifestyles of all women (soccer moms, working moms, corporate women, fashion savvy women, etc…).
Halle, being a fashionable, busy and working mom, knows that there are often two things really important to women: their hair their shoes.
“Women have always loved shoes. It’s like if your hair is not right and your shoes are not right, the woman is not right. If both of them are right, you’re pretty much OK”
5th Avenue by Halle Berry will consist of 40 limited edition designs and will starting being available by the end of the month.
Another upside? The shoes will start at $60. Now, we don’t know what those shoes will look like but with only 40 pairs, the prices likely won’t get too far out of hand if you see a pair you like.
The possible down side? The shoes are only being released in the UK. There’s been no word from Deichmann Shoes as to whether or not they’ll be available to order online and ship to the United States. If not, I guess we’ll just be looking at pictures online.
Good for Halle. This sounds like it was possibly something really fun for her to do!
Would you buy a pair if you saw some you liked?
I Know It’s For Better or Worse, But Damn: Are You Getting Too Comfortable In Your Relationship When It Comes To Your Looks?
Does your husband still look like the same man you married years ago? Have the washboard abs turned into a gut load of laundry? “For better or for worse” isn’t always fair, in fact it can get a little lazy (and not the good kind of lazy love Ne-Yo croons about). In her single “Dance For You” Beyoncé chants, “I wanna keep it how it is, so you can never say how it used to be,” but some women believe that once that vow is made, commitment and love should overcome any change in physical appearances. It’s one thing when a serious illness occurs or the natural life-changing moments like pregnancy and childbirth happen, but just because you’ve snagged yourself a husband or wife, doesn’t mean it’s cool to speed past comfortable all the way to “I don’t care.”
Attraction and sexual chemistry take priority to me in a relationship. I’m not being shallow, just honest. I need to look at my man and feel butterflies like I did the first day we met. Some might call that immature and make excuses like “passion fades blah, blah, blah” but I think that’s a cop-out for becoming way too comfortable, and way too much comfort kills relationships.
There’s a balance that must be maintained. It’s one thing for your man to wake up to you in a head full of flexi rods with pre-mascara and moisturizer. You shouldn’t have to keep up appearances like Whitley on A Different World where she’d wake up 15 minutes before Dwayne so she could apply some makeup and comb her hair so he wouldn’t wake up to bed head and morning breath. Still, it’s not fair to become accustomed to making zero effort just because your man SHOULD love you regardless. Did he meet you in a ponytail and sweatpants? I laugh remembering when I first met my boyfriend and refused to let him see me in any shoe with a heel less than four inches. Fast forward to six years later and he’s waking up to me with one eyebrow filled in at least a week out of the month. But the point is, whenever I have a little bit of extra energy and time, I make the effort. I do it because a watered down version of me is not what he signed up for, and he does the same for me. I make a note to avoid slipping into routines where we only talk about annoying co-workers and grocery lists; I remind him how hot he is when he least expects it. Now I haven’t been married for 20+ years, but I truly believe that passion doesn’t have to fade. Couples allow it to because they’ve been told that’s what’s supposed to happen. I’ve seen couples who have been married for months who can’t stand the sight of each other, and couples who have been married for decades who can’t keep their hands off one another.
The problem starts when women and men use marriage as an invitation to stop keeping themselves up as soon as the “I Dos” are done. You should want to preserve your sexiness for you, not just to snag a man. A little bit of weight gain or the decision to go natural after years of hair weaves is not out of the ordinary, but every once in a while, try to look like that woman that made his eyes pop out of his head and his palms sweat. Find that girl who was dancing to Beyoncé’s “Beautiful Nightmare” in the mirror Friday night while squeezing into her skinny jeans. I’d say about 25 percent of that passion is in your appearance, but 75 percent of it is your attitude. Would you be attracted to someone who clearly carried themselves like they don’t care?
In long-term relationships that little thing called life happens that slowly steals away the energy you may have once put into looking like a video vixen every day. Slowly your “beauty is pain” endurance is overwhelmed by your want to just be comfortable so you can actually enjoy yourself and get your daily tasks completed instead of struggling through painful arches that 5 inch heels can bring. But just because heel-less wedges kind of make you cringe doesn’t mean you have to bust out the cross trainers every day. Riding boots and flats can be cute too without looking lazy. Maybe you don’t feel like sitting in the salon for six hours so you can get flawless Kerry Washington waves, but that doesn’t mean you have to subject your man to rubbing his fingers over your silky satin bonnet every day. No one expects you to look 23 at 32, but making that vow also means that you vow to be the best wife you can be, which includes not taking his loyalty for granted–and vice versa.
When you’re in a long-term relationship with someone, it’s expected that body parts will start to hang a little lower, weight that used to melt from your frame will make itself comfortable across your waistline, and stretch marks will magically appear if you even reach for something the wrong way. It’s easy to let yourself go, but like any good relationship, your appearance deserves a little maintenance every now and then. A lingering look from another man can ignite a spark into a lukewarm relationship, but more importantly you’ll be surprised what a little extra effort can do for your own self-confidence. Before you wave the white flag of familiarity, make some effort to keep up appearances because although looks aren’t everything, love isn’t always enough.
What are some signs that you’ve gotten too comfortable in your relationship?
Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog Bullets and Blessings .
How bad are granny panties really?
If you ask me, with all the forms of underwear out there that have one butt cheek out, a string in the middle, a bow in the front and some lace on them, they’re not bad at all. I usually save the granny panties for that time of the month and the monthly panty shortage (aka, laundry time!), but when I’m not around my boyfriend, I’m wearing those joints more often these days.
Back in the day, things were MAD easy when my mother (and probably your mother too) was buying my underwear for me. Somehow, my mother knew my size perfectly, would pick up a colorful pack of Hanes briefs from the store (I would get bikinis on my own later) and throw them my way before school started, when the season’s changed, or after she peeped some holey draws in the dryer. They always fit, they were always comfortable, and they always did what they were supposed to do. But it wasn’t until junior high that I started noticing that briefs just weren’t good enough anymore. Or so it seemed. Getting dressed for gym, friends were rocking thongs and making my “Wednesday” printed panties (I know you had the underwear for every day of the week too) look like something for a third grader. From then on, even though I knew no one was going to see my underwear but me at the time, I felt that I needed to step my game up. That’s when it all started.
When I look in my panty drawer today, clearly many years after the horror I faced rocking saggy granny panties in the ladies locker room in the sixth grade, I see an array of colors and fabrics strewn about from the past few years. Boy shorts, cheeky panties, glittery thongs, those tight a** hipsters. They have all kinds of snarky comments printed on them, and when I bought them I was excited. However, the fact that they’re now sitting in the cut in the back of my drawer is a tell-tale sign that they were given a try and failed. That is, they failed the test of keeping me covered, cute and comfortable at the same time, therefore, they were banished to the back, where they’ll only be used in absolute emergencies (once again, laundry time!). Through these panties I learned a lesson: panties aren’t made how they used to be, and in turn, they’re actually doing way too much these days.
Ever tried the cheeky? They’re the joints that come with lace trim and wild colors, and they leave a whole lot of booty out just in case you want to reveal a little somethin’ somethin’. Seriously, you know baby T’s and midriff baring cropped tops? Cheekies are like that for underwear. They’re the miniskirt of panties, and while they’re cute, they give you wedgies.
And don’t forget about boyfriend shorts. Weren’t they all the rage a few years back? They looked like shorts, but fit like those tight volleyball shorts that used to constrict your breathing in high school. They were supposed to look like a comfortable pair of your boyfriend’s briefs, but of course, not fit like your man’s actual briefs. In fact, as my friend would say, those jokers were a no-go because they could give you the terrible two: a front and back wedgie. In case you were wondering, no, that’s not cute at all.
And don’t get me started on the underwear that push the concept of “less is more.” Yes, I’m talking about thongs. They were once meant to help prevent you from having panty lines with skirts, tight pants, dresses and light-colored bottoms, but women these days wear them with just about everything and to everything: the gym, under sweats, with shorts and more. Maybe that’s why they’re always playing peek-a-boo over people’s bottoms. They can be cute, and they can be helpful, but per the usual, they just aren’t as comfortable as my bikinis or my granny style briefs. I’m sorry, they’re just not.
Aside from wearing some swexy and sassy pieces to impress a boo thang, I think, like most people, that my hope when I pull up and put on underwear is that I’ll be comfortable, and that my lady bits will remain cool (or at least have space) and covered. But these days, underwear are meant to expose every damn near every inch of you, and if they’re not riding up, they’re shrinking with the quickness in the dryer, or causing you to have to mentally prepare just to put them on. Why is the material and the fit for underwear getting smaller and smaller? Why when I go for a run do my hipsters cause so much trouble? (I’ve alleviated the issue by buying running shorts that have underwear in them already!) I understand that a part of the problem is fit, but if I go up in size, why do wedgies still have to put a damper in my jeans? Why when I search through drawers at stores is the selection full of a bunch of strings glitter, bows, and writing that says “Enjoy the view”? Where am I? Justice!?
While I don’t yearn for the days of my mother buying my draws for me, back when they always fit and did the least and the most at the same time, I do miss the days when underwear (NOT LINGERIE) was simple, and not low-rise to match jeans I don’t wear. Until panties and the people who make them get their act together, I’m going to stop paying $8 for a pair of draws, and stick to the big booty granny briefs that have kept me (and been a parachute just in case) for all these years. Well, on the week days at least.
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By Ryan Rivera
Anxiety may be one of the most common mental health conditions in the country, and yet few people are willing to admit that their anxiety is causing a serious problem. Anxiety is often considered normal, especially in its milder forms, and indeed there are times when feeling anxious makes a great deal of sense (an important meeting with a client, or a job interview for example), and otherwise fairly harmless.
Yet there’s no denying that there are also times when anxiety affects your life in a negative way, and in some cases that anxiety can be fairly consistent. Persistent anxiety may be a sign of generalized anxiety disorder – and for many, generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) affects their life fairly regularly. If you experience anxiety when no anxiety should be present, and you find that that anxiety is affecting your quality of life, there may be more going on than you think.
You can see what qualifies as GAD in the DSM-IV-TR, but it’s not uncommon to have an anxiety problem without realizing it. So here are some potential signs to keep an eye out for.
So it turns out that my girlfriend and my mother have segued off into a “relationship” of their own.
Seems every time I turn around, I’m hearing, “Oh, I was talking to your mother this afternoon about so-and-so,” or “I had a nice conversation with your girlfriend about such-and-such.” Every time I hear either of them say something like this, I experience conflicting emotions of appreciation and wariness.
I’ve always wanted my partner to get along with my mother, which is really an extension of wanting a partner like my mother (a success on my end: smart, small-framed with a hair-trigger temper), so I get a kick out of the fact that my lady gels with my mother in a way no girlfriend from my past even came close to.
On the other side of the spectrum, I wonder what either of them knows about me – or each other – that I’m not already aware of. Call me selfish, but that’s my mother and my partner, and it would piss me off to Hades if I knew either of them betrayed my trust to the other. I don’t really keep secrets from my lady, but there are things she knows about me that I don’t necessarily want my mama knowing, even though I’m pretty damn close to my mama.
Whenever I start thinking deeply about it, I always conclude that their relationship is tenuous by nature: there’s no way they can expect to really have this bond everlasting for a couple reasons. First, my mother’s loyalty will always be with me, no matter what happens. I could hang my girlfriend by her big toes and dangle her over a lake of fire just for breathing, and she would have my back at the end of the day; my mother could never justify keeping a relationship with her going if I insisted she didn’t. On that note, my lady would not reveal more to my mother than I want her to. She can’t get away with telling my mother things that she would share with her own best friend: telling her all the private s*** that I would rather she not know.
So then, why are they even being bothered with this half-baked friendship? Well, I do think there are many positives to it all…namely that they both have my best interests at heart. So I guess the two women whom I care most about in the world teaming up can’t be a terrible thing. It’s more endearing than anything, so I’ll always welcome it. But cautiously.
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Going on a blind date can be nerve-wracking, whether it’s with a guy you met online or a hook up by a friend. You don’t know this guy. This first encounter may reveal that your suitor has OCD, is hella weird or is just straight up crazy. On the flip side, if he turns outs to be the man of your dreams, you definitely want to make a good first impression. While you can’t control the chemistry that you two will have, you can control what you wear. Wearing a cute outfit can help you feel more confident walking into unknown romantic territory. Here are some suggestions for how to dress to impress on your blind date.
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