Source: AP

Earlier this week, NBA player Jason Collins came out as the first openly gay professional athlete playing in a major team sport. A couple of weeks prior, No. 1 WNBA draft pick Brittney Griner made an announcement regarding her homosexuality as well, following in the footsteps of former WNBA star Sheryl Swoopes. Beyond sports, there was Frank Ocean last year and now rumors are swirling about singer Janelle Monae (who denies being gay, but opposes traditional gender norms). Not to mention, there is the ongoing debate about gay marriage, gay rights, and tolerance. Last year, Macklemore and Ryan Lewis even released a song called “Same Love,” which was a personal call for equality for gay couples in light of the rapper’s childhood wonderings.

In case you hadn’t noticed, the gay community has cemented their place in culture. But of course they haven’t done so without a fair share of controversy. Yet, from where I stand, all I see are two caricatures presented by the media— a voice of tolerance and a voice of hate. A group simply wanting people to be happy, and the opposition wanting to deny them of that inalienable right, and doing so with absolutely no compassion. If you’re gay, be gay! Or God hates gays, so go to hell! Those are the only options society gives us.

Yet, what I don’t think is being given a voice is the side of those who love gay people (and any other group of people), believe in human rights, but also ascribe to a faith that has transformed their own thinking and being—all the way down to challenging their own sexuality. This became apparent when Chris Broussard made his comments regarding Collins’ announcement. Although I understand why ESPN viewers could be bothered by Broussard’s religious commentary, considering they watch ESPN for sports and not sermons, I think it’s unfortunate that he’s now experiencing media martyrdom. I began asking myself what I would have done if (for some reason) ESPN asked me for my opinion. I’m not sure what would have come out of my mouth that particular day, but I know I would have tried to communicate a message of truth and love. And if I could write a response, instead, here’s what I would say in my open letter to Jason Collins, Brittney Griner, and every person that wants to be who they were meant to be:

I’m a 25-year-old follower of Jesus. I’m black. And I grew up wondering if I was gay.

Growing up as a tomboy, I never played with Barbie dolls (except for that MC Hammer figure I was geeked about); I played outside with boys instead; wore boys’ clothes; played basketball most of my life, and didn’t really like doing any girlie things including liking boys. I can recall being in middle school trying to figure out what was wrong with me.  I even remember how awkward it was for me to have a boyfriend (for like 2 months). Was I supposed to feel something when he hugged me? Or that time he gave me a peck on the lips? Well, I didn’t. And if not for my ponytail, I’m sure we looked like two dudes walking down the street. I began wondering was I gay. My teammates were tomboys too, so I figured maybe we just represented a different type of female—a hybrid of genders perhaps. But as time went on, some of those teammates and other girls I’d played basketball with were now openly pursuing girls. They were gay. What did that mean for me? Confusion. But I didn’t decide that I too was gay. Why not? If it was something I could have decided, does that mean I never was? Is it because I grew up in church and heard being gay was a sin, so I never fully considered it an option? Or did I decide that I would fight to be whom I believe God created me to be despite any of my own thoughts or dispositions? What about one of my best friends  or other individuals who once embraced a homosexual lifestyle, but don’t anymore? Does that make it a choice?

Source: Shutterstock

There are few emotions that grip my heart like disappointment. There’s just something about having my heart set on something and then realizing that it won’t happen that is so devastating. Sure, no one likes to be disappointed, but when I set my heart on something, I want it with every fiber of my being. I suppose this intense wanting developed during my childhood. I’ve been blessed with really amazing parents. There was almost nothing that I asked them for that they didn’t make an effort to provide me with. “You’re such a good girl. You never give us any problems,” they’d almost say in unison as they handed over whatever I’d previously asked them for. Although I don’t believe that this is the message that they were necessarily seeking to convey, I grew up believing that as long as you’re a good person who follows the rules, good things will come to you. I still find this philosophy to be partially true, but the real world taught me that things don’t always work out this way.

Once my wish list matured and my desires changed from Easy-Bake Ovens and My Size Barbies to an acceptance letter from my dream college and a position at my dream job, things my parents couldn’t necessarily “give me,” I was stung by the harsh reality that life isn’t exactly a fairy tale. Everything that you desire won’t just come to you because you work hard and you’re a good person and some things simply are not meant to be. My tiny world had expanded from the cozy, suburban fortress that my parents had built for me, blocking out many of life’s very real truths, and I was thrust into the real world, quickly learning the life lesson that things don’t always go as planned.

I found some of my first major let downs very difficult to handle. Having never felt disappointment so intensely, I made up my mind that I never wanted to feel it again. So I began conditioning myself to put up this emotional wall. I wouldn’t allow myself to want anything too intensely because in my mind hoping was causing more pain than it was worth. As strange as it may sound, I morphed into one of those people who pray for the best, but expected and prepared for the worst. Although this way of thinking probably spared me plenty of hurt feelings when things didn’t go my way, it severely damaged another important aspect of my life – my faith.

As a Christian, one of the pillars of my beliefs is faith. Over and over we hear scriptures like “Without faith, it’s impossible to please God” and “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” It wasn’t until I was driving home one evening that I realized my hope-killing defense mechanism was also destroying my faith. After much soul searching (and prayer), I learned that it is possible to maintain balance, allow my faith to “grow” and still semi-protect myself from life’s let downs by reminding myself of the following truths:

1. Above all else, trust God. He knows best.

2. Even if it doesn’t make sense now, almost everything happens for a reason.

3. Being told no is not the end of the world.

4. Disappointments are not to be owned or internalized.

Sure life is has its curveballs and let downs, but it’s also filled with amazing moments, wonderful opportunities and spectacular surprises. Today, I can confidently say that I’ve found the courage to hope.

Follow Jazmine Denise on Twitter @jazminedenise.

Source: YouTube

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, chances are you’ve heard at least a tiny tidbit about Meagan Good’s courtship and marriage to her Hollywood executive hubby DeVon Franklin. What made their relationship stand out so much in the sea of other Hollywood unions was how openly they discussed their decision to practice celibacy before tying the knot. During a recent interview with Let’s Pray TV, the newlyweds were asked about how they were able to discipline themselves to refrain from having sex before their wedding night.

“I had made a commitment of celibacy a long time before her [Meagan] and I had started dating. What motivated the commitment is also what helped me to keep it once we started dating. As you all know I preach and what happened was, I was kind of living a double life. I was preaching one Gospel, but then not living it. Trying to be two people started tearing me apart. I was like ‘Man, this just does not feel good in my spirit.’ So here I am doing this with this one woman and I’m going out preaching something different. Once I got out of that relationship, I made a commitment to God, ‘Once I’m out Lord, I’m done and I’m not going to do this until I’m married.’ I need to live in peace and I can’t live as two different people. So the desire for peace and harmony was the motivator. The other thing was the thought that if for some reason my disobedience were to disqualify me from God’s purpose for my life, would the activity that I was engaging in be worth it?” DeVon expressed.

“When Meagan and I got together I was already pretty strong in my walk and my commitment. Now this is Meagan Good so I had to do some prayer. I had to know myself and say ‘Alright, we just gonna hug right now and maybe kiss ya on the cheek.’ You have to know yourself. You have to be honest with your triggers. You also have to be vocal about your commitment. We talked about it. I didn’t know she was on that page, but I was blessed to learn that she was and it was just a matter of helping her stay strong in it,” he continued.

His honesty is refreshing, especially since some church folk like to pretend that they’ve been saved, sanctified, holy ghost-filled and baptized in the blood of the lamb since they left their mama’s womb!

Turn the page for footage of their chat and to hear Meagan share how she stuck with her commitment.  Thoughts?

Source: WENN

Deception star and newly wed Meagan Good has lived out much of her fairytale-esque love story with hubby DeVon Franklin in the public eye. She has shared it all, from expressing that God informed her that the next man to seriously enter her life would be her mate, to DeVon’s shocking proposal and even the couple’s decision to practice celibacy until they were officially husband and wife. In a recent post on her WhoSay page, the actress blogged about what she’s learned about marriage so far and why it’s important to hold out for Mr. Right, as opposed to settling for Mr. Right Now. Her post reads:

“Marriage.. It’s very interesting.. I’ve come to a lot of revelation in the last couple months… One thing amazing that I learned is: sometimes the things that we want God to do in our lives -he won’t do- until we committed to The life partner that he has for us. (I’m not saying that everyone is intended to be married or that this is a fact for everybody) But I’m saying in my case and I believe in many others- Marriage truly makes you a better person and truly improves your walk with God. I actually believe that overall marriage is intended to build your character-And as a result if you choose it -your relationship with God.

Since my marriage- blessings have overflowed in my life and peace of mind has increased in the way I never could’ve perceived.. And the things that are happening now -I realize needed to happen, and maybe ‘only’ could’ve happened correctly with positive results, with my life partner and husband. It’s true: blessings do rain down when you’re Obedient.. And when you allow the ‘right’ person to be the person that you spend your life with..

Don’t settle people for less than God’s best. No matter where you’ve been or what you’ve gone through- God has a purpose for your life … Seek him in all you do and you will come to realize that you will not be disappointed .. And remember that his timing and his plan is more perfect and better than timing or plan you ever had.”

Are you digging Meagan’s advice?

Jazmine Denise is a news writer for Madame Noire. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise.

Source: American Atheists

I’ll never understand why Atheists go on malicious tangents in an effort to wound people’s faith-based beliefs, but maybe it is not for me to understand. I’ll try not to be biased, but this stunt has me absolutely floored.

If you’ve taken a stroll down Times Square lately, you’ve probably noticed the extremely offensive billboard sponsored by American Atheists, which depicts an image of a smiling Santa Claus followed by a caption that reads “Keep the MERRY” and an image of a suffering, crucified Jesus followed by a caption that reads “Dump the MYTH!”

The Huffington Post is reporting that Teresa MacBain, Communications Director of American Atheists released a statement explaining the motivation behind the $25,000 billboard stating they wished to express the “true” meaning of the holiday season.

“The true beauty of the season — family, friends, and love — have nothing to do with the gods of yesteryear,” Teresa MacBain, the group’s communications director, said in a press release. “Indeed, the season is far more enjoyable without the religious baggage of guilt and judgmentalism.”

Dan Silverman, President of American Atheists, also released a statement regarding Christianity and the Christmas season.

“We know that a large population of Christians are actually atheists who feel trapped in their family’s religion,” said Silverman.”If you know God is a myth, you do not have to lie and call yourself Christian in order to have a festive holiday season. You can be merry without the myth, and indeed, you should.”

The billboard will remain in Times Square until January 10, 2013. This, of course, is not the first offensive billboard that the American Atheists are responsible for. Last year they erected a billboard in New Jersey that called the Christmas story a myth as well as another that read, “37 Million Americans know MYTHS when they see them… What myths do you see?” and held images of Jesus, Santa, the Devil and Poseidon.

Oh, so you blow $25,000 to erect a billboard discrediting a God whom you claim not to believe in? Oh, okay. Many find the antics of the organization to be distasteful, irrational and unnecessary. While  the actions of the American Atheists are highly offensive to many, the First Amendment pretty much protects their low blow stunts.

What do you think of the billboard?

Jazmine Denise is a news writer for madamenoire.com. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise

A few friends and I were discussing all the hilarious/crazy pictures and posts and rants and trending topics that we see on a daily basis via social media. Among the almost annoyingly frequent glut of pics and posts, we found that there is a trend of exclusivity. Various races, genders, music fans, sports lovers etc. seem to love telling others how real (or not) they are by their own standards:

“You’re a REAL Lakers fan if..”

“Only REAL Sistas [insert any number of actions]…”

“If you don’t know this song you’re not a REAL R&B fan…”

It’s a hit or miss situation. Sometimes they hit us with truth and it’s nothing but net, other times I’m looking around with a hardcore WTF! face thinking that folks need to just be benched for their crazy assessments of what constitutes “realness.” Today I shall call out my top 5 of the ridiculous “real” peddlers who haven’t quite thought through the BS they’re trying to sell. Don’t get your feathers all ruffled, just take a look and have a laugh:

I had a thing for Usher back in the day. Any brother with his nose curvature or flat rounded face would get a second glance. Mark could’ve been his twin. Sans the purple silk shirts and skully caps, he stood at an arresting 6’5—beautiful and godly to all who dared to look.

We met the usual way, through a friend of a friend, and found ourselves chitchatting often and eventually going on dates. I found myself holding hands with a newcomer, listening to his every word and getting to know his depth.

Politics.

Ex-Loves.

Cartoons.

His momma.

My momma.

Religion.

I was a Christian and he was Jehovah’s Witness; his face slightly cringed at the news, but I dismissed it when he kissed my cheek and said he couldn’t wait to see me again.

Dismissing gets you nowhere.

We met for the third time at Bryant Park for an evening stroll.  It was the first time my lips found his own and a whirlwind grew inside of me. You know the questions that float through your mind when you’re tiptoeing close enough for his heart but aiming for his mouth: Is this it? Is this the one? Are you him?

We said nothing after the kiss. The silence was far from awkward, but too sultry to be broken. The pavement against our footsteps collided with the city’s hum and we found ourselves in front of the Virgin Megastore that once was.

“I really want Erykah Badu’s album.” He smiled in my direction.

I dug his affinity for music.

We clasped hands once more and headed for the long escalators. I turned to sneak a look at Mark as his brown beautiful eyes flew open with familiarity of a view in front of him. My palm was suddenly flung from his, he stepped two mechanicals stairs back, and his eyes wandered rampantly.

The hell?

Before I could call him on it, a security guard spoke. “Mark! What’s going on Brother Mark?” The two flew into an embrace once he’d reached the top of his ascent, as I stood witness from a nearby “New Releases.”

“I’m good Brother Anderson. Just checking out some tunes.”

The security guard quizzed him, “Alone? Isn’t that young lady with you?”

Mark stuttered, “Yeah….she’s a girl I go to school with. We…um….we’re working on this music project.”

The security guard nodded in naiveté, “Oh alright. Have fun now, but not too much fun.”

They embraced once more and suddenly Mark was back at my side. He insisted that we leave and he’d explain everything later.

When we were a block away, he spoke hurriedly on a blurred corner.

“Um see that security guard we just saw? He’s a brother in my church. Technically I’m not allowed to date women outside of the church. It has to be arranged and we have to start as friends—inside of the religious family. We’re not even allowed to date unless we’re set to be married.”

It was my turn to quiz, I asked in my best hypothetical-I’m-not-crazy voice, “So let’s say we got so deep into this that we wanted to get married, you’re saying you wouldn’t or couldn’t do it?”

He hesitated, “I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that we should figure that out when we get to that level.”

And of course I stayed, like the young fool I was. Back then levels meant something. I was too immature to realize that every notch had its glory and consequence. If I was going to lay down with someone—I better be damn sure I could see him as a father. Accidents happen. If I was going to date someone—he better be worthy enough to bring home. Parents ask questions. Every level has a consequence.

Source: channel.nationalgeographic.com

The last image a young woman wants to have when losing her virginity is a vision of her father.  But for the hundreds of young girls who participate in purity balls each year, decisions about sexuality are heavily influenced by the protective presence of their fathers.

Recently, the popular National Geographic Channel show Taboo featured a segment on the episode “Teen Sex” about the practice of purity balls. A purity ball is a formal dance or ceremony attended by fathers and their daughters where the young women pledge their virginity to the protection of their fathers until they are married.  The fathers then pledge to safe keep what they see as their young daughters’ “purity of mind, body and soul.”  The practice is closely associated with evangelical Christian churches and originated by Randy Wilson in Colorado Springs in 1998.  A field director for the Family Research Council, a conservative Christian organization, Wilson promotes purity balls across the country and his website boasts that they have been held in 48 states.

Before I get into how purity balls can easily take a left turn down a double-standard dead end, in their defense, purity balls send a lot of positive messages.  I could never imagine being able to come to my father and have an honest, un-awkward conversation about sexuality and relationships. In fact, for most young American girls, their father’s reaction to them being sexually active is one of two extremes: Your crazy daddy chasing boys out your bedroom window with his sawed off Smith and Wesson not far off; or what is an even worse reality for many girls: Daddy not being there at all to care.  The purity balls on this episode featured fathers taking a very active involvement in their daughter’s honor and well-being and treating them as the treasures that every little girl should feel like she is to the first man in her life that defines to her what a man should be for a woman.  As one of the fathers on the episode stated, “The man sets the moral compass for the entire family.”  Wilson goes even further emphasizing that purity balls are more about the fathers than they are the daughters. “The idea was to model what the relationship can be as a daughter grows from a child to an adult.  You come in closer, become available to answer whatever questions she has,” Wilson offers to fathers struggling to find a place in the lives of their maturing daughters.

But even with the best intentions in the world, the whole purity ball ceremony is honestly kind of creepy when played out.  The girls march to an altar in a procession of mini child brides alongside their fathers dressed in somber suits. The dads then descend on bended knee placing purity rings on their daughter’s left hands.  The compliant girls adoringly gaze down in white dresses promising to remain abstinent until marriage.  What was also slightly unnerving for me is how young the girls appeared to be.  The youngest girls appeared to be all of 9 or 10 years old and I’m still not convinced that they are 100 percent sure of what they are actually signing up for. As they slow-dragged their feet in tune with their fathers, their expressions were vacant and apathetic, not passionate and empowered like young women convinced of their moral path. Some guidelines state that girls can be as young as four years old and as old as college age, but the majority of young girls who participate do so once they’ve entered puberty.  At an age where young girls are debating the decision of tampon or pad, making a semi-permanent pledge about virginity could be seen as an unnecessary amount of pressure.

Source: CNN

I was surfing the internet, looking for something to write about, when I came across a piece on one of my favorite websites, The Frisky.  It was just a blurb linking to CNN, but the headline,”TV Station Staffed By Fully Veiled Women Launches In Egypt,” intrigued me. The video and accompanying text piece on CNN detailed a new Egyptian television station called Maria. The station allows fully veiled women to operate and broadcast their own programming.

Initially, it seemed like a great idea. Women like Heba Seraq-Eddin who had studied mass communication in college, couldn’t get a job in television because networks, even in Egypt, weren’t hiring women who wear niqabs, the covering that shields everything except the woman’s eyes. These women had been discriminated against in class, where they couldn’t wear their niqabs during tests, or in their dorms and now in the job market. Seraq-Eddin felt that in Maria, she found a place where she and her beliefs were accepted: “I felt that we finally have a place in society after being marginalized. As women wearing niqab, we had no rights, and no one to talk about us. Through Maria, we’ll find people like us talking about us, with no discrimination.”

As a minority woman who majored in journalism, my heart went out to them. I thought, Go ‘head girls! It seemed like an empowering endeavor. But as I continued watching the video, I bristled several times at some of the thoughts expressed. Abu Islam Abdallah, the creator of Maria‘s mother channel, Al-Omma, is vehemently anti Christian (bristle) and believes it, Christianity, is the cause of society’s ills. Ills like women dressing immodestly, working as dancers and serving as members of parliament. (Bristle) Abdallah said that this network is about rejecting the type of discrimination these veiled women have had to face and putting them on the “right path.” (Bristle!)

Honestly, my first thought was either this man is crazy, a hypocrite or a liar. How can you claim to promote female empowerment and independence but believe women serving in Parliament is “madness.” Is that not another form of discrimination against women? The CNN article interviewed an Egyptian academic who believes Abdallah and his new network could just very well be a gimmick, a cover up to promote his conservative agenda. And I had formed my judgment about the whole thing, I was ready to slam the gavel, dismiss the network as oppressive and move on to the next thing.

But before I could click away, I had to ask myself, Why are you mad?

Clearly, as a Christian woman, who is also some version of a feminist/womanist/whatever, there were plenty of opportunities for me to be offended. And though Abdallah’s comments didn’t help me come to terms with Maria’s message, I had to ask myself what if the tables were turned? What would an atheist, post-racial, misogynist think about me writing and working for a black women’s website? We could argue all day about whether or not I should be able to do such a thing and what my job represented; but hopefully the atheist, post-racial, misogynist and I would come to the conclusion that we’ll never see eye to eye and should both just respect that my work empowers me, even if it goes against everything Mr. Atheist, Post Racialist, Misogynist believes in.

Now, I can’t speak for these women. I don’t know how fulfilling being a part of such a network, is for them. But I’ll just concede that they’re doing something they believe in. And though, I can’t support their message, I’m not mad at them.

What do you think, is Maria helping or hurting these Egyptian women? Watch the video and let us know what you think?

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• Breaking Down the Point of a Protective Hairstyle: What Exactly Should You Be Protecting?
• When Famous Stars Play Famous People: Who Killed It On-Screen And Who Was A Mess?
• If It’s Broke, Fix It: Why Some Friendships Are Worth Sticking Out
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Source: thatblackgirlsite.com

Meagan Good’s sultry Hollywood image has come under increasing scrutiny in contrast with the actress’s personal beliefs on celibacy and the christian union she just made with her new husband. Meagan obviously isn’t oblivious to the backlash that followed her somewhat controversial Burlesque bachelorette dance and in an interview with Just The Fab, the newlywed spoke on that criticism as well as the overall idea that you can’t be a christian and still in tune with your sexuality. Here’s a bit of what she had to say:

On her burlesque dance
“I almost didn’t do it because I knew there would be backlash but I can’t let people control my life and if God does not convict me about something or tell me that it is wrong… Regardless of what anybody thinks, I have a personal relationship with God. We talk and we speak and I don’t feel convicted about it and so I have to do what’s in my heart and I can’t allow people to manipulate my direction.  [...] I’m getting s[w]exy and all that but there is a way to do it, there is a classy way to do everything  and there is nothing wrong with being s[w]exy or having sex appeal and I think that I am definitely going to be someone who is boldly going to go out to the masses and be someone who say, ‘ Look! Women it’s okay to do this, that and the other’, because I don’t like [how] sometimes people who are religious will try and force everyone into a box and judge them.”

Her reaction to the criticism
“It really hurt my feelings when I saw some of the comments because Tia Mowry had did the cover of Vibe Vixen and she had an itty bit of cleavage and they like ripped her to shreds, [saying]  ‘We thought she was Christian….’

“She is a Christian, she loves God so because she showed some cleavage she loves him less? I mean, to me, it was like it’s not right and you know God gave us these body parts not to go and show everything to everyone but its okay to be s[w]exy and to be comfortable with your sexuality and I think there’s kind of a line that gets blurred and I’m very bold about speaking out about it.”

Yes she is. Sounds like Meagan’s bottom line is only God can judge me. Do you agree? Can sexiness and Christianity go hand-in-hand?

Brande Victorian is the news and operations editor for madamenoire.com. Follow her on twitter @Be_Vic.

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• Komon Ou Ye? 9 Of Our Favorite Celebs of Haitian Descent (And A Few Surprises Of Course!)
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• When Famous Stars Play Famous People: Who Killed It On-Screen And Who Was A Mess?
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