We told you chivalry has been dead for years. Okay, maybe it’s not completely kaput, but after watching this video of a couple having their date interrupted by a baseball coming at light speed, it’s safe to say that some men have just given up.

While enjoying an Arizona Diamondbacks vs. St. Louis Cardinals baseball game in centerfield seats last night, according to the Daily Mail, Cardinals shortstop Peter Kozma hit a homerun, sending the baseball into the seats–ironically, the centerfield seats. As you can see from the video, before the ball comes this couple’s way, the man is leaned all up on his lady. But as the ball is launched towards the young woman’s seat, he thinks, and has enough time to step out of the way just in time–so that she can be blasted in the face by the ball. Nice job, bruh. The boyfriend can then be seen trying to come to her aid after the fact, as she jumps out of her seat from the pain of the ball.

Interestingly enough, one of the sportscasters sarcastically said out loud, “Nice job, boyfriend” at the guy’s choice to dive for cover.

While I definitely didn’t expect him to do some action hero ish and push her out of her seat like a bullet was coming her way, he sure got away from her like she was the plague, didn’t he? But then again, I guess she could have followed his lead and dived for the sake of her face. Either way, we sure don’t want to be her. Check out the short clip for yourself below and let us know if you think her boyfriend played the mess out of her, or if it’s not that deep and she should have looked out for herself.

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If chivalry were a person, he’d be suffering from a terminal illness and gasping for his last breath. Back in medieval times, men gallantly displayed their courage, glory and honor before their love for all to see, chest puffed with pride.They spoke in sonnets to profess their love and didn’t hesitate to battle for their mate’s freedom. Okay, so my Game of Throne-esque analogy may be a bit over the top, but you get my drift. Most men today don’t appreciate doing the little things that add up big time when treating a woman like a lady (sometimes, ladies are guilty too). From opening and closing the car door to pulling out a chair for your lady, chivalry has withered away like Dr. Heiddegar’s rose. We’re talking respect and romance here people. And here are the reasons why it has dissolved in today’s society  . . .

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So I was just asked this the other day, but before I answer the question, let me set a scene for you.

Picture this:

So it’s 6 p.m. and the post-work rush is still going pretty hard on your preferred mode of transportation. You’ve had a pretty long day, and after clinging on to a high bar for dear life because the jerk in front of you has their body wrapped around the convenient long bar like they’re about to put on a Magic City show, you get excited when the seat in front of you opens up. You plop down and get ready to pull out a book/magazine/whatever and enjoy the ride home. That is until you notice a woman with a belly the size of a beach ball waddle on the train looking tired and in need of a seat. So what do you do?

I can’t tell you how many times this scenario has played out in my everyday life. The moment I reach into my bag and grab my book of the moment, someone pregnant, with a bunch of tiny kids, or seasoned (aka, OLD) comes on the train with a helpless look in their eye that is searching the car for relief in the form of a seat. When this happens, I often look around my damn self, hoping someone else will for once step up and help this passenger out. Instead, the Oscar contenders come out. Just the other day this happened and a man with his eyes glued to his iPhone kept his head down so he didn’t have to be bothered, people pretended to be asleep or too glued to their books, newspapers and magazines to notice, and another man looked straight ahead, not giving a damn. Sometimes a guy will hop up quickly and ask the woman to sit, but these days, and in this particular story, that’s not the case. So there I was, bags on my forearm and a book in my hand, taking a deep sigh, standing up, and motioning for this particular person (an elderly woman) to take my seat. With a “thank you” and a “no problem” exchanged,  I was back to the high bar, waiting impatiently for my stop so I could sit my behind down at home.

When this scene comes to life in front of you, how do you respond? Are you the first to jump out of your seat, the last to reluctantly do so, or the mug who plays crazy in the hopes that someone else will step up? I can often look in the faces of many women and see that they hope that a man will pull a chivalrous one and offer his seat, but these days, you’ll be lucky to get a seat before a man boxes your a**  out for it like you’re on the court together playing basketball. I’ve seen a man viciously brush past a woman looking to get to the same seat, so hard that a back and forth of snark and vitrol ensued. And I’ve also heard some people talk about how irritated they get at teenagers with two good legs and young lungs taking seats from those who could use them. The test to see who will be the one to do something nice for someone else now been narrowed down to gender, age, and whoever can be made to feel bad enough to stand up first by stares from strangers.

But that’s not to say that the answer to the question I posed in the title is “Men,” or “Teenagers.”  They aren’t the only ones who should be helping folks out who need a seat because they might be more physically fit to do so. In the same vein as being charitable, if you want to give up your seat, you should, because in reality, it’s more about doing what’s right for you as opposed to doing what others expect you to. And if you want to give up your seat, more power to you, and if you always fail to do so, I hope people are more giving to you when you get pregnant, have kids, age, or get hurt than you were to those before you. I just know for myself, as a woman, I often feel for those carrying a child and having to deal with all the horrid smells and attitudes on public transportation, so I’ll give up my seat. Seeing an elderly person hunched over and looking like they might fall over at the next stop always makes me sad, so if no one has done so already, I’ll give up my seat. And the sight of a child with their parent licking the public poles just grosses me out, so I’ll give up my seat (uh, but that baby has to be three years old and under, and barely three feet tall or they’re just going to have to stand like everybody else). But hey, like everyone else, there are days when I just don’t feel like being the good Samaritan and I’d rather sit because a headache is on its way or my feet are just tired. So I try my best not to fault other people for feeling the same way and staying put. So I guess, when asked who should give up their seat on public transportation for others, I’d say, “whoever wants to.” If it’s not you voluntarily, then you probably shouldn’t start pointing fingers, because you shouldn’t be expecting anybody else to do what you’re not even willing to yourself.

Researchers from Sweden’s Uppsala University have recently released some rather interesting findings about the rate of shipwreck survival, which gives insight to our long-held beliefs about the state of chivalry in our modern society.

Analyzing the data from 18 maritime disasters involving 15,000 people from more than 30 nationalities, spanning three centuries, researchers sought to determine if the widespread social norm of ‘women and children first’ actually gave women a better chance at survival in maritime disasters. However, what they discovered was that despite the long-held belief, women had a distinct survival disadvantage compared to men. More specifically, the study shows that women survived only 17.8 percent compared to men, who survived 34.5 percent. Ironically, while it is also a commonplace belief that the captain goes down with his ship, this study has revealed that the captain and the crew were 18.7 percent more likely to survive than passengers.  And this all just solidifies why I have no intention of getting on a cruise anytime soon.

However, according to Hank Campbell, writer for Science 2.0 magazine, this study of maritime wrecks reveals just how un-sexist men really are. Campbell writes, “Modern sailors are not knocking women out of the way and getting on lifeboats during today’s shipwrecks because they are less chivalrous, they do it because they are less sexist.”

So the dude who almost knocked me down while trying to enter a door that I was exiting from, only did so because he felt we were equals? Ironically enough, I rarely see this sort of equality happen between two dudes. Hell, if one dude steps on another dude’s sneaker – intentional or accidental – he might catch a beat down. Because you know, that’s a sign of disrespect.

However, nothing about this study or the Science 2.0 column surprises me. It wasn’t that long ago that the cowardly captain of an Italian cruise ship not only abandoned the ship as it sank off of Italy’s coast, but also refused to go back to help save passengers stuck on the sinking ship even after being ordered to.  And how could we forget the father of the year, who “heroically” jumped over a balcony, darted out the theater and into his truck, while his baby mom and their two children fended for themselves against a deranged gunman, begging the question: What would Batman really do?

Yes, I have long suspected that chivalry is a dying tradition. Historically speaking, chivalry was the traditional code of conduct used by those in the knighthood. Over time, its meaning had been expanded to include courteous social gestures given by gentlemen, usually directed at women, such as opening doors and pulling a chair out for a lady. However, these traditions seem to have been abandoned. Collectively it seems that many men folk have taken the “every man for himself” approach to traditional “act-rightness.” Besides pushing past you through a door, I have seen dudes, mostly young men, walk past a woman struggling up some stairs with a stroller without even offering assistance. I have seen men seated comfortably on a bus, not even yield a seat to an elderly woman.  I have even been the recipient of parking spot theft at a mall from some smudge dude, who reckless eyeballed me like I was the one who was taking him to child support court. There is a lot of pent up hostility with the younger guys and it is getting worse from generation to generation.

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In 2012, I believe in gender roles. Yes that supposedly archaic sensibility that says in a relationship the man has his place and the woman has her place. A balance of power should be constructed because there is no such thing as the ‘50-50 relationship.’ There’s a rotating 40-60 sometimes swinging up to 25-75 rotation, but someone always has to take the lead. It’s more a matter of constructing personal gender roles, allowing the man to be the man and the woman to be the woman without diminishing the rights and character of the other.

Which leads to this. As part of my belief in gender roles, I don’t believe as a woman, in approaching men. I’ve done it and occasionally still do it. But I never do it with the anticipation that a genuine relationship will spring forth from this encounter. While other folks have discussed and may feel the contrary, I find that women approaching men skews the balance of the relationship and while there are exemptions to every rule, for the most part this just doesn’t work out. Living in New York City or any city with a large population of Kappas or metrosexual men, you will encounter the ‘come hither’ attitude where the men expect to be approached & chased after with an overflowing pool of educated career women to choose from, The men in turn have to do very little to court. The road to the panties, is a two step street where the second date equals a bang bang boogie. I’m not jumping into the chasing game where I’m always second guessing if a dude is really interested in me because I approached him first or wondering if he just thinks that this will be  an easy ‘smash’ so he’s down for the ride.

Dating is a game. There’s no way to avoid the game. I have tried. In the context of a relationship, women oft have more to lose as we are the more emotionally vulnerable, susceptible to STDs/STIs, are expected to swallow, and have to deal with gestation + popping a whole human being out our nether region. The least a man can do is let you know that he is interested by approaching. Not just dealing with me cause I conveniently fell into his lap.

I have approached men with nothing more then “I just wanted to say hello,” y’all negroes don’t know what to do with yourselves 98% of the time when women do that. I already know your brain signals are screaming “DTF!” and other sexual pejoratives, but y’all need at least 10 seconds to get your faces together cause it’s written all over it. Approaching men, is a personal pet peeve of gender roles. So allow me to list a few others that need nearly not as much explanation. Things that as the woman, though I am totally capable of doing in the context of a relationship will be not being due. You can be the head and I’ll be the neck, let me control the movement.

2. Working the Grill.

I’ll prep and season all the meats in the world, but when it comes to working or “manning” the grill, I ain’t doing it. I definitely know how to light, work and clean a grill, but if there are men standing around, they need to get to it. There’s no intelligent justification to this other than it just is the way it is. And is one of the requirements for any man I marry, he needs to know how to properly work that grill. Daddy Jouelzy can put you on.

3. Defending the Household.

I’m a lover not a fighter with a very big and loud mouth. But when it comes down to it, the man should diffuse or defend the situation. That’s why it’s important not to wife birds, cause then you’ll be in constant trouble, having to defend them. But in all seriousness, this can be the ultimate demise of a relationship. Even if your wife/girlfriend isn’t right, you should have enough stature to step in and diffuse the situation. Ain’t nothing worst then being out with a man, someone accosts you or some irreverent ratchet *ish breaks out and he jumps & runs away without taking you with him. It’s called being a punk.

4. Walking on the outside

Cause it’s all cute and chivalrous. The small things…the small things.

5. Paying for the FIRST date.

Y’all knew it was it coming. Yes, I usually have the expectation that the first three dates are on him. And if I really like him, I’ll cover the tip. But that’s also something that can change depending on circumstances, however the first planned date should be on him. Even if it’s just going for margarita’s at Chipotle, cheap dates can be great dates if played right.

So now that we can all accept that on some level we all feed into gender roles, what are some that you abide by or expect your mate to abide by?

Jouelzy is a professional snarkist who occasionally offers cultural commentary on her blog LetMeTalkMyIsh*. You can also find her on Twitter.

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It’s a man’s world. A valid statement, which is precisely what makes it so darn controversial. Fair? Absolutely not, but it’s no secret that many societal structures, traditions and practices are stacked in favor of men over women.

But like the godfather of soul, James Brown sang about a man’s world, he made sure to acknowledge that, “it would be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl.” So while it may be a “man’s world,” it’s pretty clear when and where women rule.

Here are 7 ways women come out on top:

Ladies Night

Otherwise known as, “show up and get free stuff girls,” ladies night is a nightlife staple men hate to love. Girls get in free, but he has to pay to enter. Then he’ll also pay for a girl’s drink. And although it doesn’t seem fair, he doesn’t complain, because when it’s ladies night he has plenty of options.

We all know we live in the 21st century and all but some traditions never die. For example, don’t most of us still believe that it’s up to the man to ask a woman out? Well…most of us do but when we took to the streets of Manhattan to find out what the average New Yorker thought, we got a very mixed response. Check it out.

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They say chivalry is dead, but has it maybe just been re-born and you don’t know how to recognize it? Chivalry essentially means being graceful to women, and even making sacrifices and going out of your way to make things easier for her. While he may not be laying his jacket down or even opening the car door for you, don’t write him off just yet. A true chivalrous man does his best so you never notice what he does behind the scenes to make you happier. He doesn’t need all the compliments, but it doesn’t hurt. So pay attention to this: