All Articles Tagged "children"
These celebrities say their kids need to work and create their own wealth because they’re not passing down their millions. Is this good parenting, or a crying shame?
This question has come up in mixed conversations for some time. If you speak to frequent travelers and people without children, you might hear one answer while those with kids and caring for people with special needs have another.
Social media is buzzing over news United Airlines kicked a teenager with autism off a flight. Many headlines read a bit harsh and would make the Grinch himself ask how a company could be so cruel. There’s even a video floating around on YouTube that shows Dr. Donna Beegle and daughter Juliette being asked to leave.
Upon further investigation you find there’s a bit more to the story that folks might miss or choose to overlook. Apparently the mother did not realize her 15-year-old daughter hadn’t eaten prior to boarding the flight. This oversight had the potential to make travel less enjoyable for her child (and others) who could get upset and reach her “melting point.” As a form of precaution, Dr. Beegle asked one of the flight attendants for a hot tray of food and warned that not obtaining one could make her daughter turn physical (e.g. scratch someone). Luckily the flight attendant obliged given certain foods are reserved for first class passengers. Dr. Beegle also revealed her daughter was “extremely picky.”
We know how airlines love to give first class the world and throw a few peanuts and can of soda–half a can at that–to us regular folk.
Thankfully the meal was enough for Juliette as she sat quietly and ate her food. You would think everything was okay until the pilot made an unexpected landing out of fear for the other fliers.
The jury is still out on whether this incident was a “fear of autism” or a parent’s misstep in providing for their child. While many find themselves on different sides, should airlines provide special flights for those with children and particular needs?
As a mother of a toddler and baby on the way, I get it. It wasn’t that long ago when my husband and I traveled child-free (man, life was simple back then) and had to deal with unruly children on a flight. It happens. You can’t expect a baby to act like an adult and find a flight hours long enjoyable. The parents need to do what they can to prep for tantrums and hiccups that can come due to a lack of food or entertainment. You can’t prevent everything from happening, but my goodness that doesn’t give you the right to allow your child to run amok. Thankfully our 15-month-old has been a great traveler. While his temperament is laid back, you best believe we have all sorts of toys and food readily available to keep him quiet.
I don’t have anyone in my home with special needs and can’t begin to imagine the hurdles folks have when it comes to planning and traveling. Perhaps this specific incident could’ve been avoided if the mother fed her daughter beforehand, but who knows the reasons why she didn’t.
I’m not exactly sure if a separate flight would be the answer. Sure it would put children in one place and potentially make a “regular flight” more quiet, but what about other factors that can disturb people? Should there be a separate flight for those overweight who require two seats but never purchase them? Or what about someone who snores too loud?
All of these questions raise not only questions about comfort, but fairness. Would we be ostracizing some because it would be more convenient for others? Share your thoughts.
When I was younger, during my college days, my friends and I swore that we would never date a man with children. This was mainly because growing up in my neighborhood, we were only accustomed to one type of single dad, and that was one who was barely present in his child’s life–an irresponsible dead beat. I also felt this way because I believed that when I finally shared parenting responsibilities with a man, I wanted it to be a first experience for the both of us.
I felt this way until I met a guy I really liked, only to find out that he had kids.
We met on the web and exchanged numbers. We talked every day through phone calls and text messages. We even FaceTimed each other. I was happy to see that we had a lot in common. Like me, he was interested in making healthy lifestyle choices. He was also an educated man who loved and looked fantastic in a good suit. We exchanged account names for social media, and I learned through his Instagram that he had a daughter. A four-year-old.
I thought about what I had said when I was in college: A man with kids is a no-no. I don’t want the drama. I don’t want to be groomed to be a child’s stepmother.
But then I had to think about dating from the perspective of a parent. He was still a person, and I would feel bad if I didn’t give him a chance just because he had a kid. I liked him, so I tried to have an open mind.
However, I learned there was another child later on, an infant only six months old. I had to do the math because something wasn’t adding up. Again, while I liked him, I learned that he was not an upfront person, and that was the deal breaker for me. How did two kids pop up out of nowhere? I felt like there was more to him than he was revealing, so I ceased communication with him.
Still, I learned a lot from that situation. Even though my friends and I swore that we would never date men with children, I’m learning that having kids doesn’t automatically make you unsuitable for dating. You can still date someone with children, but there is a way to be responsible without affecting the child. It is important to remember that you are dating him, not his kids. They have a mother. If it’s just a casual situation or the beginning stages where the two of you are still trying to figure each other out, there’s no need to stress or obsess over his responsibilities.
But he should be upfront about his children. For those of you dating with kids, I understand that sometimes you don’t disclose that information because you want to have a social life and would like to keep certain things separate, but honestly, everything will eventually overlap once things pick up with the person you are dating. It’s only fair to be straightforward instead of dropping bombs later because some people may not really be okay with dating people with children.
When dating a guy with kids, find out what kind of package deal he comes with. If he has a child, what type of dealings does he have with the child’s mother? What is their relationship like? How would that potentially affect you in terms of dating? If avoiding drama with the mother doesn’t seem doable, then run for the hills and never look back. You will never fully get to experience or enjoy your relationship if there’s always a third party stirring the pot.
It is also important to set boundaries with him involving his child. For example, unless things are getting serious between the two of you, you shouldn’t feel obligated to spend time with his child. If it’s just casual dating, then you need to remember that you are just dating him. Plus, the child’s mother may not be happy about a complete stranger being around their child so closely.
Also, be sure to observe what type of father he is. Is he responsible with his child? Does he make being a father a full-time job or is he a part-time dad? Is he a provider? When you see what type of father he is, it allows you to see him in a different light. You can tell when someone knows how to handle their business and when someone doesn’t. Would you want to be with someone who doesn’t treat being a father as if it were a precious gift? Someone who isn’t responsible?
If you’re an individual who demands a lot of attention, you may also want to be honest with yourself about whether or not you are okay with being second in a man’s life. Don’t expect him to have loads of time on his hands. If he’s a responsible dad and works hard to provide for his child, you can’t fault him for it, but also don’t think that you have to settle for a lack of time together if it’s not something you’re comfortable with. He will make time for you if he’s truly invested in getting to know you. But NEVER think it’s okay to put him in a position where he has to choose between spending time with his kid or quality time with you. If things get serious and he lets you into that part of his life, then great! You can get to know his child and have outings and do fun things together. But until then, accept that his child is his first priority.
Dating a guy with kids definitely gave me a different perspective when it comes to my preferences. Dating a man with children is always a delicate situation, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. But you should consider these things before you dive in too deep.
Not planning on having kids? Join the club. According to the most recent U.S. Census Bureau stats, more women are realizing that not having kids is the best decision for them. Read on to find out why fewer women are having kids than ever before, and why many women are OK with it.
As Bobbi Kristina’s life hangs in the balance, Hollywood remembers other celebrities who lost their children before their time.
Every Saturday my sister and I teach an ethnic studies class. Basically, we teach minority children, who range from 7-12, about world cultures. Naturally, since history and science has told us that human life was first documented in Africa we decided to start there.
I googled “Introducing Africa” and there were some great resources available. Including an introductory lesson about “Unearthing Stereotypes” about Africa. It actually turned out to be very thorough. There were 12 pictures, each from various countries in the continent. There was a boy drinking from a Coca Cola can, buildings in downtown Uganda, a castle in Morocco, the pyramids of Giza and a Black man and White man working side by side in South Africa.
The children were supposed to look at the pictures and determine whether or not the subjects and scenes in the images were located in Africa and explain why or why not.
We heard all types of rationalizations.
– The boy with the Coke can wasn’t in Africa because they “don’t drink from cans in Africa.”
– The pyramids were not in Africa because the pyramids are in Egypt.
– The skyscrapers were not in Africa because they don’t have tall buildings there.
– The crossing guard wasn’t in Africa because they don’t have those in Africa.
It completely and utterly blew their minds when we told the students that every last image they had seen was a scene photographed in Africa.
I’d like to think they learned that day.
When my sister and I took their papers home, I was saddened to see some of their thoughts about Africa and the pictures they saw. It wasn’t until my sister asked me a very rhetorical, very telling question about our own education system, that I started to understand it really wasn’t their fault.
“What did you learn about Africa in school?”
Really, aside from a unit on Egypt, in middle school, not too much. And even then, I don’t know if the fact that Egypt was in Africa was really stressed. In all honesty, my African education came from my parents first, later, research of my own and then traveling to Ghana and Egypt once I was old enough.
Our children aren’t the only ones ill informed or misinformed about the continent. For instance, today when we wrote about Nicki Minaj’s canceled concert in South Africa, someone suggested she didn’t show up because was she scared of contracting Ebola.
Ebola is currently affecting West Africa. And Africa is a continent. It’s the equivalent of saying people in the southern most point of Mexico should take cover because there’s been an outbreak in the northern most point of Canada. There are thousands of miles between the two regions of a continent.
In our ethnic studies class, we have a lot of Latino students so we were going to just spend a couple of days on Africa and then move on to other countries, so they see themselves represented in the lesson. But seeing those responses, we might have to take a few more days to make sure they understand the width and depth of Africa’s richness, diversity and influence the world over.
I’m writing all of this as a cautionary tale. Don’t assume your child’s school is doing their due diligence when it comes to educating our children about our heritage, outside of slavery. And you know if our children, in this age of connectivity, don’t know what they should about Africa, our generation and older learned practically nothing. This could be a great way for us all to get it right together.
From Your Tango
By: Paula Mooney
When I was a silly little 22-year-old, freshly graduated from college in 1991, I eloped on the shores of Panama City Beach, Florida. High from too much weed, giggly all giddy-like while serious marital vows were being spoken over me, I didn’t think about the months and years to come – and how distance would affect my new marriage. With that marriage, I didn’t have to pursue the man who would become my ex-husband. He chose me. Thank the good Lord above and inside that union ended in divorce, as it should have ended.
Before long, I’d be remarried – but I wouldn’t say outright that I had to chase after that man to land him, either. In fact, I believe in just the opposite. Those Facebook viral photos of a woman on her knees proposing marriage to her boyfriend kind of make me cringe inside. I’ve always believed that a woman should wait for a man to show interest in her, but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t let him know – in subtle yet obvious and ladylike ways – that she likes him.
Therefore, when the dating site Millionaire Match asked, “Is it a turn-off to men when a lady pursues them?” they received interesting answers on both sides.
This writer would land squarely on the side of yes – even though I’m not a man. However, as a female, I’ve learned that it helps to wait for a man to make the first move. If he’s shy, throwing on a nice dress and pretty make-up doesn’t hurt to get his attention, but as far as pressuring him for a date – that just seems desperate to me. Men know what they want and if they are really into us, they’ll find a way to make it happen.
Of course, us Christians like to point to the fact that the Bible says that “he who finds a wife finds a good thing,” a verse that insinuates that it’s the man who does the looking, not the female that’s on a major hunt for a husband. (Even if she is, she doesn’t need to look like a Needful Nelly all the time.)
To be a parent or not to be a parent. That is not the question for these celebrities. While children can be a blessing to many, these stars have decided to forego being called “Mommy” or “Daddy” and have opted for a kid-free lifestyle.
In her upcoming movie “What To Expect When You’re Expecting,” Cameron Diaz plays a mom, but in real life the 41-year-old has gotten a lot of flack for being single and never becoming a mom. She has been vocal in the past about not having children and has admitted that she made a choice to focus on her career instead. “It’s so much more work to have children,” Diaz told “Esquire” magazine. “To have lives besides your own that you are responsible for — I didn’t take that on. That did make things easier for me. A baby — that’s all day, every day for eighteen years. Not having a baby might really make things easier, but that doesn’t make it an easy decision.
If you’re a J. Cole fan you may have caught the surprise ending of his video for the single, “She Knows”. I won’t give it away if you want to check it out, but the moral of the story is if you’re going to cheat, try not to be messy about it. It always amazes me how people will cheat so egregiously and then have the nerve to act surprised. It’s all fun and games getting it on with your side piece in the same bed you sleep with your partner in until you’re staring at hidden camera footage with the host of Cheaters.
In this digital day of screen caps and Catfish, it’s becoming harder and harder to get your creep on and what’s even worse is that children are increasingly more technologically savvy than their parents meaning that all too often they become aware of a parents’ infidelity before their spouse even does. I had a friend who discovered her dad was cheating on her mom just because he didn’t know what the “Trash” folder was for. In my opinion, this is the worst kind of secret you could ever place your child in a position to have to keep. It’s right up there with the “bad touch/this is something special between me and you” betrayal. And although some may think I’m being pretty harsh with that comparison, I believe it’s ultimately disrespectful to a child when you force them to deal with adult feelings and make mature decisions before they are prepared for them.
Relationships are complicated enough for children. There are some adults who can’t even make sense of their feelings, so to ask a child or even a young teenager to make sense of complicated emotions like love vs. lust and “growing apart” can be an unrealistic expectation.
J. Cole may be relieving some trauma from his child in the “She Knows” video. The lyrics in his song “Never Told” reveal that he was forced to keep quiet about his own father’s infidelity:
“Could it be cause my father let me know
That he cheated, and somehow I never told
I never told
Hey, you wanna be a man?
Yeah I wanna be a man.
A man don’t run tellin’ mama everything he see.
I ain’t gonna tell.
Alright then man. You’re a man now.
When a child witnesses a parent being unfaithful it sends the indirect message that you don’t respect their mother or father. On top of that, you place a child in the painful of position of choosing to be honest and hurt one parent or protect their bond with the other one. It compromises all the values that parents are supposed to want to teach their children like respect, honesty and integrity. People make mistakes, parents or not, but that doesn’t mean your children should be traumatized because of your carelessness.
If a child chooses to reveal to a parent what they have witnessed, the reaction of the parent could have a serious effect on how honest that child chooses to be in the future. If the parent believes them, the child may feel like they are partially to blame for their parents’ breakup. But if that parent doesn’t validate that child’s feeling or flat out tells them they are wrong, they may never feel free to talk openly again. So often what children say is invalidated or not taken seriously. Especially when it comes to the painful truth, so many parents are quick to discredit their children if it means they can spare their own feelings.
I won’t get into a lecture about avoiding infidelity, but I will say if you are going to cheat, make an effort to protect the ones you love, especially your children. And if they do catch you cheating, don’t ask them to keep it on the low to protect your own ass. Being an adult is all about accepting your flaws and taking the burden off your child to be the bearer of bad news. Once your child catches you cheating it’s time to come clean to your partner and explain to your child the best way possible how you and their mother/father will proceed and take ownership of the part you played in the deception. Cheating is not only disrespectful to your partner, but being careless about it is also disrespectful to your child.
Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.
From The Grio
A viral Vine video shows an adult letting a toddler smoke what appears to be marijuana.
The video was uploaded two days ago by Vine userChiefSmokes with the title “Wow f**ked up parents smh.”
The appalling video shows a young child dressed in a Mickey Mouse sweatshirt, sitting on a toilet, smoking what an adult puts in front of him. An adult(s) can be heard laughing in the background as the toddler blows smoke out of his mouth.
The video was then reposted by user NikoWavy, who received an immense amount of backlash after this version was uploaded to Reddit.
Users who did not read the full caption assumed it was NikoWavy’s original video.
Read more about this toddler smoking weed at TheGrio.com