All Articles Tagged "child"
Maternity leave for a new parent averages usually up to 12 weeks after giving birth, leaving time for bonding with your child, getting adapted to a new role as a mother and time to heal physically (and maybe emotionally) after the process of childbirth. As those weeks wind down, you may find yourself unprepared to pick up where you left off at work.
Use these ten tips to help you get back on the bandwagon at work post-baby without all the strain, stress, and shock of leaving your newborn.
The Drama You Want, is the Drama You Won’t Get! How To Handle The Negative Reaction Negative People Want To Get Out Of You
Do men really desire a drama free relationship, even if the relationship is casual? Or, do men like drama from women on a certain level? A few years ago, I was blessed with one of the smallest and greatest gifts known to mankind by giving birth to my son. Not only was I blessed with this gift, but I was given a long-awaited title of mom. While I was blessed with the gift of my son and the privileged title of mom, I also had the burden of encountering confusion, unnecessary drama and a lack of respect from the father of my child. From the day my son was born, his father constantly did and said things that infuriated me, brought me to tears and damaged my self-esteem. He would always try his best to break me down, rather than lift me up. Oftentimes I wondered why he would do such a thing, especially now that I had given birth to our child (because of course everything was fine before our son was born). Then I finally realized that he wanted a drama filled reaction out of me so he could say that he had a typical “baby mamma” that came with the expected drama. Once I realized what he was doing, I stepped back and told myself that I would not react foolishly (not that I ever did) to any of his negative comments or actions towards me and our child because I realized that I could not waste my precious time reacting to him and wasting energy when I had a child to care for. I decided that I would be stern with him, but I would no longer be attitudinal or irate with him. I also realized that the more I responded to him negatively, the more mental power I gave him over me. So after consciously deciding to stop reacting negatively to his actions and feeding into him, my life became more peaceful; and to my surprise, he was more enraged and upset with my positive actions or non-reactions. He eventually figured out that I was not going to react out of pocket towards him anymore, so he stopped for a while. To this day, he still tries to get a rise out of me, but his antics don’t work.
After I realized that my son’s father wanted a drama-filled relationship, I thought to myself…WHY? Why would any man want a relationship with a woman that is a 24/7 headache? Then I realized that unfortunately, this is what some men want because they get a rise out of it and they just like women with a little extra fire in their bones. I also came to the sad conclusion that some men are simply used to having relationships with women who like to perform dramatically because it is what they are used to. Now, some women may say that the men they are involved in relationships with make them behave in a certain manner. This may be true to some extent because oftentimes, when something doesn’t go the way it was anticipated, we allow our emotions to get the best of us, and we instantly react without thinking. However, it is always better to walk away from a person and a situation before you allow it to get the best of you. My relationship with my son’s father taught me some valuable lessons, but the most valuable lesson I learned is not to allow someone to take me out of my character as a woman. This lesson is a simple, commonsense one that is known, but it is often overlooked and not applied. With learning this lesson, I also had to learn how to put aside my ego and control my emotions. Putting aside my ego and controlling my emotions allowed me to listen to the person and filter through what they were saying and how they were reacting, giving me the advantage when I responded because I gathered all information needed to render a calm, intelligent response…which in turn angered them, insulted their pride, or caused them to back down and apologize. How and why do I put aside my ego and control my emotions? I pray and ask God to show me how He wants me to handle situations, and every time I do He shows me. The drama my son’s father wanted out of me was something I refused to give him. In fact, the drama that anyone wants me to give them is something I refuse to give because a moment of drama is not worth me laying aside the woman I am. What would it prove? Nothing. How would I benefit from it? I wouldn’t. Is it worth it? Not at all. Maintaining your character is worth more than a moment of ego driven drama. Let it go and let God.
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.
One of the most beautiful and rewarding things about being a woman is the ability to have a baby – to feel life grow from within and bring a baby into this world to care for and love. So when you struggle to conceive, imagine the heartache and frustration one must feel. According to Redbook magazine, one in eight women in the U.S. will suffer from infertility, and black women are 1.5 times more likely to experience infertility. This is a heart-wrenching experience that hits home for me and many other woman, including celebrities. They ride the same emotional rollercoaster of fertility treatments – from metformin and Glucophage to IVF in an attempt to conceive. Let’s look at 15 starlettes who’ve dealt with this issue firsthand, fearlessly opening up to the public.
Singer Mariah Carey miscarried and quickly sought treatment for infertility. Carey went on progesterone every month, even through the first 10 weeks of her pregnancy. This treatment helped reduce the risk of miscarriage by half, and eventually she welcomed twins Roc and Roe in 2011 .
Ten months after her son was killed, Sybrina Fulton, Trayvon Martin’s mother, says she’s ready for justice to be served in 2013. She spoke with ESSENCE.com about her first holiday season without Trayvon, her thoughts on the Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings, and her hopes for 2013:
This year has been bittersweet. The bitter part is that I lost my baby boy. The sweet part has been the show of support that we have received from our community and from the world. We are thankful.
This is our first holiday season without Trayvon, and I have to admit, I’m having a difficult time. I’m an emotional rollercoaster. Trayvon loved the holidays, especially Christmas and Thanksgiving. He always looked forward to those holidays. But while I am sad I’m reminded that I have another son that I’m trying to help get through not having his younger brother around.
Sybrina continues to ve a very strong woman. You can read the rest of the touching message over at ESSENCE.
Is it just me or do you also go from grown a** woman with her own place who pays her own bills and stays out til whatever time her heels say it’s time to go home, to a pre-teen who is automatically in a position to get robbed, raped, or murdered anytime she goes home for the Holidays? When I was college and came home at Thanksgiving and Christmas, I expected the reigns to be a little tight. Afterall, I was only 18-21 and I understood I didn’t need to be rolling in my mother’s house all times of the night — or morning — even if I was about that life when I was back on campus. At 27 though? I’m going to need mama to chill out, and instead of creeping in my room to see if her child is nestled all snug in her bed, she turn her butt over and go back to sleep instead.
I’ll never forget the dramedies that occurred the last time I was at home this summer. When I was in between jobs I’d went back home for a few months and one of the “conditions” of my return was that I could not stay out til the wee hours of the morning. Cool. There aren’t too many places to hang out in my home town anyway and since I knew most of that rule was based on the fact that my mom didn’t want her car parked “just anywhere” when I went out, as if break-ins, accidents, and mirror scrapes are more likely to occur at night, I took careful precaution to catch rides with other people, and most times family members. Unfortunately for me, that didn’t matter.
The first time my mom went cray on me I was sitting in an iHop eating with my step-sister, who drove us, after the bar. It was maybe 2am and by my respectable hour radar I still had about an hour-and-a-half before I had to be back in the house. That was where me and my mom had a difference of opinion because slowly but surely the “are u ok” texts started to roll in, followed by the “see this is what I’m talking about” messages, concluded with, “ain’t nothing going on this time of night but trouble.” I chose not to respond and decided since I was being treated like a child, I’d have a child-like response and pout the entire next day and not speak to my mom. Surprisingly, she gave me an “I know I was bugging” good morning kiss and pretended like that whole text fiasco didn’t happen. I, foolishly, took that as a sign she would chill out, unfortunately that too was not the case.
I’d say just about every other time I went out late after that — including going to the casino with about 10 relatives over 40 during our family reunion — my mom was hitting me with the “is everything ok” texts. Sometimes I’d get the “whoever has you out this late should know to have you home at a respectable hour” messages that left me shaking my head at my mom thinking I had a better sex life than I actually did, and most times I’d end up spitting the same spiel to her. One, what do you do the other 357 days of the year when I’m not at home and I’m riding New York City subways and living by myself and walking home past crackheads and homeless people late at night? And two, what exactly would you be able to do if I was actually in trouble? Whether I’m out at 3p or 3am there’s an equal chance of disaster that you cannot stop. In fact, expecting me to text you back while I’m driving is probably increasing the odds of something bad happening so let’s just stop that altogether, k?
I realize those weren’t the most diplomatic and comforting thoughts to put in your mother’s head, but not being a mother myself I still can’t understand the answers she, and apparently every other concerned parent on this earth, gives when they’re riding their kids too much: they can’t sleep not knowing that you aren’t home. My mom’s defense is that when I’m in New York she doesn’t know I’m out so she can just assume I’m home safe and sound, but when I’m at her house, and she gets up one of her routine 18 times of the night to use the bathroom or get a drink of water and sees the door to my room open, she can’t rest. I can’t front, it’s a sweet thought, but one that prohibits me from actually seeing friends — and family for that matter — back home who have their own spots and don’t have to answer to a mother like they’re 16 anymore.
I’ve tried to make peace with the Holiday oppression and accept the fact that when I’m home I’m going to have to revert back to that uncool kid response of “my mom won’t let me” or simply say “I can’t” and hope no one asks why when my friends want to hit up a club late. I also found that staying the night elsewhere helps because in her mind, if she knows I’m not coming home, she can’t worry about the time I actually get to someone else’s home. Still that’s a lot of work just to catch up with friends and family over a few days. I guess I’ll just have to take my mom’s word for it and assume I’ll understand when I have a child of my own. I’m not totally convinced I’ll go this hard though. I don’t think.
Do your parents still treat you like a child when you come home for the holidays?
This article is for you if you’ve thought or said the following things:
“I have a child with a head full of hair and I don’t know what to do with it!”
“Oh baby, my child’s hair looks nothing like mine, what do I do?”
“Oh baby, my child’s hair is so dry/fine/curly/kinky/thick, I’m just trying to figure out how to keep it healthy!”
Are you a parent who is struggling to figure out how to deal with your child’s hair because they don’t have a similar texture to your own? You’ve mastered the art of your hair and then your bundle of joy comes into the world with a beautiful head of hair that you just can’t figure out. Or maybe you always go to the salon to care for your hair and it’s not a good idea to try and convince your two-year-old to sit still to get their hair done at the salon too. It’s a common problem that plenty of parents face, but I’m here to ease the struggle.
An eleven-year-old boy in Brooklyn named Terrance Allen is being hailed as a hero today for stabbing a 42-year-old man who was attacking his mom and cousin, effectively fending off the assault.
The story is hardly heartwarming though when you consider the fact that the assailant was the mom’s live-in boyfriend, Timothy Pender.
New York Daily News reported that the man “snapped” and began choking the mother, then when the cousin tried to get him to stop, he began choking her. It was then that the little boy ran to get a kitchen knife and stabbed Pender in the back. The boyfriend was arrested and charged with second-degree assault, criminal obstruction of breathing and criminal mischief. He was taken to the hospital to treat his “non-life-threatening injuries.”
They’re reporting that the boyfriend snapped because that’s probably how the mother characterized it, but let’s be real, this man is an ex-con with multiple prior arrests stretching back twenty years. The report said he has pleaded guilty in past cases to forcible touching, trespass, resisting arrest and theft of services. He didn’t “snap”. He is plain dangerous and the mother endangered her child by not only dating this man, but allowing him to live with them.
There isn’t enough love (or loneliness) in the world that should rid a mother of her common sense when deciding to let someone live in her house with her and her child. There is no excuse for this sort of foolishness.
How often do we hear of some woman whose abusive boyfriend killed her kids? Sure we can “boo-hoo” when tragedy happens, but can we also point out that women need to wise up about the men they attach themselves to? This is more than an emotionally-unavailable man that doesn’t return calls in a timely fashion. These are men who will come near killing a woman and have no qualms about turning that same wrath on her unsuspecting children.
In this case, the kid is being lauded as a hero, but he’s probably traumatized for life and it’s his mother’s fault. We can only hope that she has learned her lesson and won’t go back to this guy or any other physically abusive man who puts her and her child’s life in imminent danger.
Alissa Henry is a freelance writer living in Columbus, OH. Follow her on Twitter @AlissaInPink
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A tragedy occurred earlier this week in the area of Lakewood, N.J. While running around in the backyard of her home and frolicking with her siblings, a 2-year-old girl accidentally fell into an open septic tank and drowned. When the little girl disappeared unexpectedly while the kids were playing, her worried mother, Marina Matias, reported her missing around 5 p.m. on Monday. When the police came to the home and searched around the area, they noticed a 3-foot wide, open septic tank in the ground and called the Public Works Department to pump water from the tank. Sadly, a few hours later, the little girl was found inside it.
An autopsy was just done, and as you were probably thinking, it was confirmed that the cause of death was accidental drowning. Though the little girl was playing with her four siblings, and the tank was not far from the back door of the home her family was staying in, no one heard or saw her fall. It’s not clear why the septic tank was open for her to wind up in, but sources say the house itself was in pretty bad shape. Neighbors actually thought the family would have left it behind way before the little girl drowned in the backyard.
When you let your children run around with their brothers and sisters, you always hope they’ll be and stay safe, but sadly, that was not this case in this situation. Really sad circumstances. Please watch out for your babies people, because anything can happen in the blink of an eye.
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This post only applies to single mothers who were never married and find themselves on an emotional rollercoaster with the father of their child or children. It is intended to be the swift kick in the behind your family and friends have been trying to give you for the better for months—maybe even years.
Most women do not plan or desire to hold the baby-mama title. But, with a 73 percent out-of-wedlock birthrate, nearly three-fourths of black mothers fit the mold. That makes the handling of “baby-daddies” a real issue in our community. Sex is generally an emotional act for women and those emotions are often magnified during pregnancy and continue into motherhood. And what is a hormonally complicated time becomes more emotionally complex when the situation gets real—he’s with other women, he’s too busy to visit more than a few times a month, he’s maybe even hoping you might go for an abortion–the list goes on.
Angry, confused, desperate—some single mothers entertain foolishness that only ends up eating away at their self-worth and esteem in the end.
So to save yourself (or a friend) from further heartache and/or catching a case, here are eight of the biggest mistakes to avoid: