All Articles Tagged "cheating"
I recently wrote about how shocked I was when I heard women and men receiving shout-outs on the radio for being side pieces. While side-piece culture seems to be thriving nowadays, there’s also the issue of the “main chick.” To me, knowingly being the main chick for a cheating man is just as bad as being the other woman, and I can tell you why based on experience.
The main chick is a woman who has been in a relationship or marriage for a long time and has put up with a lot of crap from her man to be considered number one on his roster. If they’re not married, she’s the woman who has “wifey” status. The main chick is the one who through intuition, or proof, knows that her man steps out every once in a while; but she’ll justify it because he comes home to her at the end of the day.
This used to be my reality when I was younger, and for lack of a better word, dumb. I was with a guy for two years on and off. Throughout those two years, I caught him cheating more than once. Looking back on that time is extremely embarrassing for me because I still can’t believe I allowed myself to go through something so degrading and humiliating. The reasons I mentioned above are partly why I stayed with him, but honestly, I was friends with his mom and I felt pressured by her to stay.
When I found out he’d had a woman in my car when we switched vehicles for the day, I called his mom to vent. Her response was, “Well you get to go on the trips don’t you? You’re the one he comes home to.” These were supposed to be words of wisdom and encouragement, but after hearing such excuses one too many times, it felt crazy to me. As I held the phone to my ear, I listened to a woman trying to rationalize why I should stay with her philandering son. The main chick was supposed to be a consolation prize because I was living a “great life,” even if I was completely miserable.
Being the main chick simply didn’t work for me. Oftentimes I felt like I was living in the twilight zone because I had a man who repeatedly made promises to me that he simply could not or would not keep. It was painful and I didn’t feel like the designer clothes, jewelry, or trips were worth it any longer. Instead, I craved loyalty, honesty and most importantly, his heart. Sadly, I couldn’t get those things, so I knew I had to leave and put an end to this self-esteem crushing relationship for good.
Karrueche Tran recently ended her work as main chick after learning that Chris Brown fathered a child at one point in their relationship. Tran broke her silence on the news by tweeting, “Listen, one can only take so much. The best of luck to Chris and his family. No baby drama for me.”
After years of embracing her main chick status and dealing with public scrutiny for sticking by his side while he played her for Rihanna (and obviously others, including the mother of his daughter), Brown did what a lot of men who cheat do: he fathered a child outside of the relationship.
This is usually how it goes when you’re dealing with a guy who has you as his main chick, but won’t make you his one and only. He doesn’t do these things because he is a terrible person. Instead, he behaves this way in your relationship because you’ve shown him that you’ll put up with just about anything. A man can only get away with what you allow him to.
As for me, once I removed myself from my position in that tumultuous relationship, I didn’t look back. There is so much more to life than being a man’s doormat and that’s exactly what a main chick is. I do think about my ex from time to time and wonder what woman he is making miserable now, but I would never deal with a guy like that again. Zebras don’t change their stripes, you know?
It’s friends versus boos on this week’s episode of “Breaking The Code.” MadameNoire’s editors and the fellas of MTV’s “Guy Code” speak on whether you should remain friends with an ex, if it’s cool for your partner to remain friends with someone who habitually cheats on their partner, and the age-old question of whether you should tell a friend he/she is being cheated on. Watch and weigh in in the comments section.
Even the most notorious of players will usually agree that cheating is a no-no when you’re in a relationship, but the question of whether you should take back a lover who stepped out always sparks much debate. And what about getting it on with a co-worker? Is it worth the risk — or the potential come-up — or is it one of those sexcapades that should happen not now, not never? MadameNoire’s editors and the fellas of Guy Code answer in this week’s episode of Breaking The Code: Cheating and office romances.
My heart goes out to women like Karrueche Tran and Keyshia Cole. They’re in the public eye, and they had to suffer through the devastation of learning that their men stepped out on them with other women. Being in the public eye puts them in a position to be heavily criticized if they make the decision, for themselves, to take Chris and “Booby” back. I couldn’t deal with that.
I was cheated on by my fiance many moons ago, and deciding to take him back wasn’t an easy decision to come to. It took a lot of time and a lot of healing. Taking a man back after he’s cheated requires a different level of strength. You have to be an extraordinarily strong woman to continue to love and live with a person after they’ve betrayed your trust in such a way.
So how does one deal after finding out that their man has been emotionally or sexually connecting with someone else? Though every individual has their own way of dealing with a cheating spouse, here’s what I did and what you can try if you’re considering taking him back.
Do Not Blame Yourself
For a lot of women, including myself, the natural reaction to learning that your man ran to someone else is to question your own worthiness and actions. You ask yourself, “what did I do that pushed him out the door and into the arms of another woman?” And when the comparisons between yourself and the other woman begin to cloud your mind, you ask yourself, “what didn’t I do?”
I would hope that Cole and Tran have a solid grip on the reality that when a man cheats, it rarely has much to do with you. They made that decision for themselves, and people who bend over backwards for their man can still be cheated on.
However, if you have the sudden urge for self-improvement based upon your experience, go for it! These kinds of things have an interesting way of fueling a woman to strive for better. However, be careful not to confuse bettering yourself with stopping your man’s infidelity. As far as his character goes, he has some obvious issues to unpack and that is not your fault, girl.
Give Yourself Some Time
When I took my fiance back, my best friend said to me, “You let him back already?! Girl you should have at least made him suffer for a few more months.” She was right. There should be a literal “cooling off” period. The last thing we care about after our man has stepped out on us is his feelings, but it’s unfair to him and unhealthy for you to allow him back into your life soon after learning that he’s been creeping. Give yourself time to collect your thoughts and yourself, because living together with built-up anger and distrust is like trying to build a home on top of a minefield.
When you have unresolved emotions lingering and a man who’s trying to go back to normal as quickly as he can, the healing process for both of you will be delayed. You don’t have to put an exact date and time on when you’ll take him back, but there needs to be some time for you to just sort through YOUR emotions before you decide to face him and all the mess you’ll both have to untangle. If you can, pretend you’re Usher and let it burn for a little while. It will do you both some good in the long run.
If You Decide To Forgive, You Probably Should Forget
A lot of us can forgive our men for cheating, but many of us don’t believe in letting him forget what he did. For him, being reminded of his mistake won’t be anything more than annoying, but for you, it can be like reliving that first day of heartbreak all over again.
If you’ve accepted him back, you’ve decided that you want to make it work, so bringing up the past or harping on it in your mind is a no-no. It’s easier to simply stick to solutions when talking about what happened, but be mindful that you can’t live in the past when you’re trying to create a future with someone.
In order to live in peace after you’ve forgiven him, you will have to set your attention on rebuilding the trust, not on thinking about the act of infidelity. Learning to trust again is painful, but that pain lasts longer when you’re constantly digging up the past. It keeps you in that negative space and it’s counterproductive to what you and your spouse are trying to do.
Skip The Details
I remember wanting to know everything that went down between my fiance and the other woman. I wanted to know so much so that I reached out to her and asked her to send me all the photos, text messages and emails from him. Well, she did. I was even more devastated.
Digging for details is like pouring salt on an open wound. If you’ve already made the decision to accept him back, then trying to find out any and everything is unnecessary and does more harm than good.
Trust me, you don’t really want to know all of the details. For the most part, you will only see and understand what your hurting heart perceives, but you’ll rarely get the full truth. Skip all the details and focus solely on rebuilding if that’s what you want to do.
Depending on how well you know this man, you should quickly be able to figure out if what happened was truly a mistake, or if this will be the first of many uphill battles when it comes to your man’s infidelity. As a human, being flawed is expected and inevitable. But a woman should not allow herself to constantly be disrespected by a man who can’t commit to only her. Taking him back after multiple cheating incidents will begin to set a precedent in your relationship. It lets him and the world know that you are down for whatever. If that is what you agreed to, so be it, but be careful not to continuously take this man back simply because you are in love with what he “could be.”
In the end, taking a cheating spouse back is a difficult decision to make. But in some cases, surprisingly, doing so can completely change the relationship for the better.
As you glance at your colleagues tapping furiously away at the computer, working — er — “diligently” at their tasks, you might be completely in the dark about the intense, passionate affairs they’re having — with one another.
Illicit internet liaisons really may not be any of your business, but when it comes to losing money — oh, it should be all of your concern. According to a 2013 Victoria Milan survey, online cheaters cost businesses a whopping $17 million a day.
Cheating spouses confessed to spending an average of 1.17 hours chatting up a side-floozy on company time. Nearly 40 percent admitted to spending 30 minutes getting a little cyberspace hanky-panky in while on the job — 25 percent admitted to wasting an hour. Eighteen percent spent more than two hours tapping their committed relationships away into depths of hell.
“Imagine if they only put that much effort into their existing relationship or work?” Business2Community wondered.
Victoria Milan calculated that businesses lose an average of $17,304,300 per day in lost productivity thanks to infidelity. That’s a stab at the heart and the money. Ouch!
But I wondered — how else does cheating affect our business responsibilities? It’s time for another “by the numbers” edition. Let’s take a look at cheating on the job, shall we?
What better way to cover up your extramarital affairs than by going on a — er — “business trip.” A discouraging 36 percent of men and 13 percent of women succumbed to temptation while trekking out of town, The Huffington Post wrote, quoting the book The Normal Bar.
That’s no surprise at all since the workplace is a breeding ground for seduction. According to GoodTherapy, 85 percent of salacious affairs begin at work.
“The close interaction, travel, and unavoidable closeness may lead to strong friendships and emotional attachments outside your marriage. The workplace provides opportunity and proximity to people outside your family,” GoodTherapy added.
Interestingly, there are certain professions that are more prone to have cheaters than others. Boston.com gives on the scoop on which careers have the most wandering eyes:
These self-starters are most likely to have an affair; 17 percent and 13 percent of men and women, respectively, cheat in this field. Entrepreneurship draws in risk-taking, daredevil personalities, which makes ‘em more inclined to step out on their partners. Entrepreneurs also travel quite often — and we know how that goes. There is an upside, though: Employers needn’t worry about them wasting company time because, well, they’re their own bosses.
Like entrepreneurship, finance requires the ability to assess risk. So if temptation prevents the financier with an opportunity for a little gamble, and the risk seems minimal, they just might take the dangerous plunge. Sixteen percent of men and 18 percent of women in the finance field mix a little too much business with pleasure.
The medical field exposes workers to life-changing events every day — and you’re sharing these heart-gripping moments with your fellow employees, not your spouse. This degree of closeness leads to 15 percent and 16 percent of men and women, respectively, seeking comfort from outside their home.
After a long year of taxing work with kids and grading, teachers get three months off for play — and may be having a little too much fun. “People in education have a summer of love opportunity unlike other professions that don’t have three months of downtime,” said Ashley Madison’s CEO Noel Biderman. Seven percent of male teachers cheat while nine percent of women do the same.
At the end of the day, these numbers leave us hanging with the age old question: “Why, oh why do we cheat?” Are we doing it to reaffirm our desirability? To boost our egos? To get something more out of an unsatisfying relationship? Cafe Mocha Radio, this weekend, will be discussing just that. Tune in to discover what Maxwell Billieon, author of Death of the Cheating Man, has to say.
Whatever it the answer is, it’s costing employers a painful amount of millions and breaking countless hearts.
Have you ever gotten revenge on a cheating-ex? Cheating is always wrong but these cases of revenge dropped our jaws to the floor.
Could you ever forgive the woman he cheated on you with? Read on to hear the stories of these celebrity women who forgave their husband’s mistresses dish on how and why they did it.
Cheating is wrong, but when you hear about shady affairs in song form? Not so much. Have you noticed that a bunch of songs we all used to jam to are about people proudly claiming they stole someone’s partner or that they are trying to keep an affair on the low? Again, so wrong, but it sounds so right! It took us a while to realize that these 10 songs were a little problematic and somewhat trifling. Sorry, we were too busy dancing. *Kanye shrug*
“He’s Mine” by Monkenstef
Definitely a groove-worthy song, but there’s nothing cute about proudly proclaiming that a cheating man is coming home to you at the end of the night. How did we miss lyrics like “Played you like a trick ‘Cuz you let him hit” and “You had him once but it’s me on his mind”?
Have you seen this video of the Ohio State fan caught at the game with her side piece? She’s not the only sports fan that’s been caught by the cam. Check out these gifs of people embarrassed by the kiss cam for the whole world to see.
Woman Exposes Her Cheating Man Online, Gives Him Printouts Of His DM Chats With Other Women For Christmas
The only thing that could have made this story even better would have been if we could see it all play out on video–and if former “To Catch A Predator” host Chris Hansen was there to help expose this cheater (“Why don’t you have a seat over there…”).
Uproxx shared the story of Cassy, a young woman who caught her boyfriend slipping by having inappropriate conversations with another woman through his direct messages on Twitter. Cassy, who either had access to his Twitter password, or was crafty enough to somehow figure out the password and get to snooping, uncovered the messages and concocted a pretty interesting way to expose her sneaky boyfriend. Cassy took pictures of the messages and printed them out, multiple pages worth of conversations, and documented her plan via Twitter and Snapchat, saying “I don’t tolerate cheating.” From there, she wrapped the printouts in wrapping paper and gave them to her boyfriend as a Christmas gift.
Of course, he didn’t find it so clever.
Cassy (who says she’s “numb to the bs” now) posted all of her photos and shared a warning with any future lovers, because she clearly doesn’t play that:
Fellas, you’ve been warned.
Check out the photos from Cassy’s surprise for this fella below.