All Articles Tagged "cheating"
For all the good that Akon is doing in the world, he’s made some really ignorant and misogynistic comments about women and relationships. I’m not talking about his stance on polygamy. (He’s been quoted as saying that one woman could never satisfy any man. And reportedly has several wives.) That’s likely cultural and even influenced by his religion. What I’m speaking about are his thoughts on women in general.
After the BET Awards, the super producer sat down with “Hollywood Today,” to explain his original 2013 comments about men being natural breeders.
Garcelle Beauvais asked Akon if he still believed that. Not only does he still believe it, he took his comments a step further.
“Just think of life, why is that every woman in the world is going through the exact same problem with a man. Just think about it. It’s not a coincidence. It’s who we are. I always believed that if women took the time to understand men, you literally would run the world. The only reason why we’re more dominant is because we know more about women than women know about men. Think about it, we’re outnumbered 15-1, they’re clearly smarter than we are. And you execute a lot quicker and faster than we do. So, how is that we run the world?
Garcelle: It has to do with our hearts though, we fall for you guys and then if you’re natural breeders, you’re breeding all over the place.
Akon: That’s my point. Think about any other species in the world. Let’s say a Lion, for instance. You have male lion, he goes out in the jungle, he does what he does and comes back. You think the female lion, *makes clawing, scratching noise* she can care less. Because she understands that’s the natural cause of what the male lion does. She’s going to sit there with the cubs, nurture them and protect their area. But of course society with these rules and how things work, we create rules without taking nature into account.
There’s so much to say here. First, while we human beings are animals, I do hope that Akon recognizes the difference between us and lions. There is a distinction between us, animals who can reason and empathize, whose existence is more than survival and finding our next meal, and other species.
But more than anything, it’s Akon’s claim that men know more about women than they know about us, that perturbed me the most. I’m sure this has a lot to do with the fact that it’s simply not true. Men, as the privileged dominant group in society, don’t have to know anything about women in order to be successful in this world. And from my experience with men, of all types, it’s very clear that there’s a lot they could learn. A whole lot, from the way we communicate to the way we interpret the world around us, to our daily experiences walking down the street, men don’t know what it’s like to experience this type of disenfranchisement in the world, so they have very limited access to our shared experiences.
And I also thought it was really cute how Akon ignored the religious and societal structures set in place, millennia ago, to keep women from running the world. It’s 2016 and we’re still fighting for equal pay. Women still have to worry about job security when they have to leave work to bring another human life into the world. We’re still debating whether or not there should be a charge or tax on feminine hygiene problems. To me, it’s the equivalent of saying based on the strength, the population and the resources of Africa, Black people should be running the world by now. Right. It sounds true in theory, until you consider the ways in which Europeans colonized the continent, stripped it of its resources and kidnapped and shipped millions of people to work as slaves in an entirely different part of the world. There’s levels to this sh-t. And only someone from a position of privilege would look down on women, dismiss all of the forces working against them, and say something as ignorant as ‘If only you understood us and our doggish ways, you’d be better off.’
You can watch Akon’s interview in the video below. His comments start around the 2:40 mark.
Some relationships are very, let’s just say progressive. Some people in a committed relationship have an understanding that while they are sharing their heart with one person, they can keep their eyes on others — or even go as far as to have sex with other people. Just ask Mo’Nique.
But some people just do questionable things because they think, or know, that they will get away with it. During a dinner with my sister and her friends recently, a few of her colleagues were scolding (in a light manner) a male friend who, while engaged, still does some reckless stuff here and there. For instance, in a past incident, after his partner went through his phone, out of spite, he reinstated his Tinder account. It is unclear if he has since removed the app from his phone.
But the real issue that was being debated was his habit of sometimes looking at other good-looking women while in the presence of his fiancée. While trying to be light and funny, during one incident, he even went as far as to say, “She got a fat a–” out loud. His fiancée? Well, she didn’t find that too funny, and neither did my sister and her friends, who proceeded to ask him something to the effect of “What the f–k is wrong with you?”
He admitted that it was probably not a good move, but said he was just joking. In his mind, everyone looks. He’s seen her look at other guys and didn’t get bent out of shape by it. It’s something that just happens.
Is it though? Is taking a look at what others have been endowed with really harmless?
I think most of the time it is. I know I look, but not as often when in the presence of my fiancé. Just the other day a married friend and I were giving quite the eye to a particularly muscular fella who stood over me on the train. But that was it. We got off at the 125th Street stop and went on about our business. No harm, no foul. And I know my fiancé looks, because I see him do it–or better yet, try not to do it. I can appreciate a pretty great backside on a woman or man, so when I’ve seen a woman pass who is curvaceous, I’ll sneak a glance at him as he waits, and waits, and then finally quickly peeks at the butt of the woman before she’s out of view. I can only smirk at his attempts not to do so in my presence. But, I do appreciate it.
Still, at the end of the day, I know the difference between a look and an inappropriate action. So in the case of my sister’s friend, glancing would have been one thing. But to stop and stare at a woman’s a– and then say she has a fat one while in the presence of his future wife is quite disrespectful. And to be honest, the more I listened to him talk that evening, the more I started to feel like he wasn’t so serious about getting married after all. With all the lines he continues to try and tiptoe around, it sounded more and more like he resents the idea of being a committed one-woman man, or is slowly but surely freaking out about the reality of his future, and in turn, acts out. Either way, it’s not a good excuse to treat a person you love like a doormat.
Again, a look is just that. We all notice beautiful people and their assets on a daily basis. But when it becomes a bit much (damn near ogling) and happens too often, especially in the presence of a partner, that partner has the right to let us know it’s not cool. And we have the obligation, as people in committed relationships, to do better…
But as always, that’s just my opinion. What do you say? Is this petty or is this guy being really disrespectful? How do you deal with your significant other looking at other women or men?
I don’t know how long the silence lasted, but I couldn’t take it anymore and said, “You could have told me that in a text or I could have seen it in a Facebook status,” I stood up. I had to get out of there. I wasn’t sure why Jackson telling me he was about to start a family hurt me so bad. Maybe it’s because I wanted and still want it to be me.
Jackson stood with me and followed me as I walked out. I wanted air.
“I owed it to you to tell you in person,” Jackson said pulling my wrist once we got outside.
“Owed it to me?” I laughed, mostly to keep from crying. “You’ve got a lot of nerve Jackson and I’ve got a lot of nerve being here.”
“I’m glad you’re here. Danielle, you’re my best friend.” Jackson refused to let me go. It’s something we both couldn’t do since that first day we met online.
I just looked at Jackson. Remembering all the years of friendship we built together, all the love we’d shared. It hurt knowing he wasn’t mine anymore. I wanted to hurt him so that he could feel a fraction of what I felt at that moment. “So are you going to open up your marriage after the baby?” I asked with venom in my tone snatching my wrist out of his electric grip. I know he could still feel the energy between us.
“Don’t nothing Jackson. You can’t control my reaction to this sh-tty news.”
“OK, so before we jump off the deep end, can we just take a second and remember what we have?”
Jackson had to be joking, Remember what we have? Up until today, we didn’t have anything anymore. I’d had a semi-clean breakup with Jackson. We both moved on and avoided each other. And then here he comes, back in my life, starting a family without me. I tried to calm myself down, but I was buzzing with the ache of all of it.
“What we have. I still want you in my life,” Jackson pleaded with me.
“Why Jackson? Because we’re best friends?” The sarcasm in my tone slapped him across the face.
He looked at me with disappointment. “We were. I want that back.”
“You want the cake and you want to eat it too?” I asked,
“No.” Jackson sighed, “I want to enter this new stage in my life with my best friend by my side. I’m not cheating on my fiance.”
“But aren’t you?” I asked Jackson, genuinely curious as to why he thought his sneaking around with me wasn’t the beginning stages of cheating. And then he got me all the way together.
“She knows I’m here with you Danielle. She knows how I feel about you.”
Well, isn’t that the ideal relationship? And I was there without my dude knowing, literally risking everything I was building with him because I was holding on to the hope of getting back together with Jackson–finally winning Jackson. I needed to get out of there.
“Well, congratulations Jackson,” I walked away from Jackson, choking on my own tears. I didn’t want him to see me crying.
“Danielle,” he followed me.
“What do you want from me Jackson?” The tears were clinging to the corner of my eye.
“You! Your friendship,” He grabbed me.
“Fine, you’ve got it! Can I go now, friend?”
Jackson pulled me to face him. The tears started rolling. And just like in some silly romantic comedy, he wiped them away and traced his thumb down the side of my face and onto my lips. And inevitably, we kissed. We kissed like old times. We kissed like Sunday mornings in bed. We kissed like we were each other’s somebody.
I recognized that important fact before he did and pulled away. “Jackson, what the hell?” I said it as if I didn’t lean my entire body into that liplock.
I couldn’t get Jackson’s kiss out of my head. I dreamed about it. I woke up wanting it again. I went to work with him on my mind. Abdul called me later that day, breaking my mind from its Jackson obsession. We made plans for later in the week. Abdul had less time to give me because of his school and work schedule.
Jackson and I continued to avoid each other. I didn’t even want to bring the situation up to any of my friends. I didn’t even know how to feel about it anymore. I thought for sure Jackson was the one, but it didn’t connect, yet the chemistry was still there. That was and is who Jackson is in my life. But he was starting a family without me. A wife, a kid and I’m pretty sure there’s a dog involved. Jackson would always tell me how much he would love to have a family with me. He would hint at wanting to propose.
It made me sick to my stomach and I was distracted by the details of Jackson’s new life. Abdul noticed, even in the little time we got to spend together.
“What’s up babe?” He asked one night after a gym date.
“Oh me? I’m sore,” at least I wasn’t lying.
“No, I mean what’s up?” He asked again.
I looked at Abdul, beautifully sculpted, looking down at me and searching my eyes. I smiled at his concern and he gave me the most sincere smile back, that said, “I got you,” but I couldn’t tell him that I was going through a range of emotions because the ex love of my life was starting a family without me and I couldn’t focus on anything but that. Oh, and that we kissed and I’m still in love with him even though I have someone as awesome as you. That smile of his would fade, he wouldn’t trust me anymore, or would he trust me more because I was being honest?
I kissed Abdul. I wanted to be in this with him, but I had to figure out how to let Jackson go and if I would tell Abdul what happened between us.
Find out on next week’s column if I let Jackson go and if I tell Abdul!
I’ve always played with fire. My mom will tell you I was the type of kid to touch a heated stove instead of taking her word for it being burning hot. As I became a young woman, I welcomed risky experiences, if only for the thrill of learning a hard lesson on my own accord. One thing I never tried to play with, however, is another woman’s man (word to Nivea). Thanks to girl code, a healthy fear of karma, and a pretty good sense of moral ethics, I steer pretty clear of unavailable men. But since God has the illest sense of humor when it comes to my dating life, I’m constantly approached by men in relationships.
Last year, I met a tall, brown piece of man (hey, #BigGuyTwitter), who I’d later find out was in a three-year relationship. Let me be honest. From the moment I met him, our vibes were more electric than Rihanna whining on Drake, but his relationship status obviously put a huge damper on our noticeable connection. My friends witnessed as I teetered the line with this guy, yet never fully pledging to the seedy sorority of Women Who Sleep With Other Women’s Men. And like the morally upright women they are, every chance they could, they warned that even if on the off chance he broke up with his girlfriend to be with me, he’d only pull the same move on me down the line.
Though I was raised on the belief that how you get a man is how you lose him, what I’ve learned about human behavior causes me to strongly disagree with this sentiment. At some point, most men or women gain relationship maturity, unlike Peter Gunz and his two favorite babymakers, Tara Wallace and Amina Buddafly. Maybe I’m looking at the glass a little too half full here, but I don’t think there’s a lifetime guarantee on someone’s cheating habits. In fact, I speak from experience when I say the sh-t you did to your high school sweetheart is probably not the same stress you would put on the one you bring home to mom and dad. At least, I would hope not.
Who are we to say former cheaters don’t evolve and learn from their past mistakes? Not everyone has to touch a hot stove more than once to understand it burns. No two relationships are alike, so it’s very possible that a person becomes a better version of themselves when paired with another personality.
In all fairness, I’m no saint, which is one of the main reasons I think being friends with my exes can get messy as hell. In the past, I’ve hated myself for crossing lines while in exclusive relationships and promised to never make the same mistake twice. Human nature draws us to things we can’t have, and bad things feel so good. But we also have the willpower and wherewithal to improve for ourselves and for our significant others. I would never be pretentious enough to say I can change a man because if he wants to cheat on me, he surely will. However, I will say a woman’s presence and soul-snatching love has been known to be adequate enough to make a man get some act right in his system.
In this case, my friends and my conscience kept me and Mr. Tall And Golden Brown from doing anything more than trading a few text messages. I’m not brave enough to find out if a guy would ditch the lady in his life and be the right man for me. I’m also just not willing to roll the relationship dice and toss my own morals to the side, to be honest. But I give all women and men who are the benefit of the doubt, seeing as how, despite instances in the past where they haven’t, people can change.
I can only hope that what didn’t go down in our DMs will help make him a better boyfriend to his significant other. What’s life without learning from our missteps and the mistakes we almost make anyway?
I imagine when a person is completely satisfied in his or her relationship, there’s no need to test the waters with someone else. Call me naive, but I believe that once you find your match made in heaven, you won’t want to cheat your way into hell.
Do husbands need to step up their Mother’s Day game next year?
Mother’s Day is the day where everyone puts in a little extra effort to make mothers feel appreciated for all that they do. But sometimes, families get lazy and get gifts they obviously bought last minute, or they don’t have any real plans for the day.
It’s infuriating! These women spend most of their days being a good wife and mother, so hurt feelings are completely understandable if others don’t take the holiday seriously.
So, what do wives and mothers do when it’s obvious their families don’t care that much? They cheat the next day.
According to Ashley Madison’s reports, last year, their numbers of sign-ups spiked by 442 percent after the holiday, all thanks to women searching online to have an affair. They expect their numbers to spike again by 500 percent this year.
How should men avoid disappointing the hard-working mother of their children? Give them what they want.
Ashley Madison conducted a survey with 10,817 moms and found that 58 percent want to have a romantic evening with their husband, 33 percent want to get away and relax at the spa in the afternoon, and only 9 percent want time alone to relax.
However, their special day looks nothing like this. Instead, they are still stuck with mommy duty!
The survey found 66 percent of moms end up taking care of kids with a planned activity, 21 percent get a card and flowers, and 13 percent get breakfast in bed from their kids … but have to clean afterwards.
Husbands, take notes if you don’t want her stray!
What do you think of these statistics?
When you hear the words “trap” and “manipulation” regarding relationships, it’s often people stating the ways in which some women put men in a tight corner by getting pregnant and having a child to hold over a man’s head for years to come. Maybe even the ways in which sex can be used to get money and other things out of a guy. But rarely do people talk about the ways in which men “trap” and “manipulate.” Especially not the ways that men emotionally trap women in relationships. This is done through lies by omission, also known as, exclusionary detailing.
It’s the idea that someone misrepresents themselves in order to bring about a mistaken belief. Lying to paint the prettiest portrait of one’s self–a false portrait. A man who wants you to think he’s an upstanding guy, that he’s on the level of the kind of man you are seeking, and that he has his stuff together, might deceive you into believing that all is well (and clean) in his life. He’ll prey upon your vulnerability (you seeking Mr. Right via a dating app or being upfront about wanting a serious commitment) and try to get in where he can fit in. He’s a fraud, and sadly, many of us don’t realize we’ve encountered this kind of man until it’s way too late.
Like one of my best friends. As awesome as she is and despite having so much to offer as a partner in a relationship, she has consistently been approached by married men. All of whom failed to disclose the fact that they were, by law, taken. I remember one guy who tried to approach her at a party thrown by a mutual friend, only for that mutual friend to come through at the end of the night and tell my BFF, “Um, he’s actually married.” When my girlfriend approached the man about his lies, he tried to explain that his wife was actually still living in Nigeria, and it was a marriage he was trying to get out of. He wanted sympathy and an open mind from my friend, but she wasn’t offering it because he lied from the moment he met her.
Then there was the most recent love interest whom she dated for months. He seemed like a good guy with a big heart, but that’s probably because he was sharing it with another woman. Like the Nigerian fellow at our friend’s housewarming party, this new guy actually waited until the relationship was over to divulge that he was married. Yes, he is married to a woman who lives abroad and also claims that he doesn’t want to be married to her anymore. (He married her to help her stay in America, but she went back to Grenada with their son.) He would go on to claim that she wouldn’t sign divorce papers. He disclosed this information after requesting my friend’s help with a legal matter. That so-called “baby momma,” was actually a wife now coming after him for child support since he wanted her to sign divorce papers.
And I’ve known plenty other women who’ve encountered guys who had a wife and two children waiting for them in Guyana while they tried to play bachelor. Another who introduced a girl to his father only to have a serious long-term girlfriend he hid in the background. And another whose angry ex called a friend of mine to say that she was pregnant and that there were many secrets her prospective romantic interest had failed to tell her. In all cases but the latter, these women were heavily in like, sometimes on their way to being in love with men who thought it would be easier to lie and create a fake facade than to be honest and upfront about who they were and what they had to offer. So these women were left in more pain than usual when they cut things off because they thought they’d found a good catch. And sometimes they were left second-guessing whether or not they should leave their relationships because they were so attached, despite having fallen for a lie.
And this is more common than you think. Even famous women like Tasha Smith and Tichina Arnold have both married and split from men who painted themselves as one thing, only to waste years trying to hide the truth that eventually came out: They were liars. Such bad liars, that in the case of Smith, her marriage was annulled after five years together because her husband had been married five times, had scores of children, and hadn’t paid his taxes in 10 years. All things he failed to divulge to her before asking for her hand.
I tried to relay these stories to my fiancé, specifically the one about the married men who had lied to my BFF, and he seemed confused.
“But if he’s trying to get out of the marriage, it’s not really that bad, right?” he asked. “He’s making an effort and the wife won’t move on.”
“No, because he never told her during their relationship that he was married,” I responded.
“Ooooooh, I didn’t know that. Well…that’s not good,” he said.
And he’s right. It’s not “good.”
I was left sad for my friends, and for women in general, who often get the worst rap in this dating game (we’re angry, bossy, too independent, blah, blah, blah) while the fake facades put on by some men are ignored. Sad that men who want to draw them in lead them on to believe that they genuinely care and are available when they’re really out here living a lie. Sad that when you try to do a background check on a man, people look at you like you’re crazy–and then these things happen. Sad that instead of just being honest about the fact that their personal lives are not in the best place and giving women they’re interested in a choice to decide whether or not they can hang, they deceive them into falling head over heels.
In case you were wondering, I don’t have a resolution for all this. I’m just as boggled and upset about it as anyone else, and wonder how we as women can guard ourselves while attempting to be “open,” as people tell us we should be when it comes to “letting love in.” How do we balance healthy skepticism with going into a situation trying to be trusting? How do we take a man’s word as the truth when it seems so many lie in the attempt to have their cake and eat it too?
In reality, dating is exhausting. The movies and TV shows would have you believe that folks are supposed to sweep you off your feet, and sh-t is supposed to be happily ever after. But no one talks about how much of a risk it is to put yourself out there in the quest for finding love. Especially when there are master manipulators out here willing to prey upon your search.
Have you ever found yourself emotionally trapped in a relationship? Has a guy made you believe a lie about him only for it to come out in the messiest of ways?
Behind closed doors, women whisper to each other about intuition. We say that we have the power to feel the molecules change in a room, and we know when our children are somewhere they shouldn’t be. Our hearts have ears attuned to the dishonesties of silence. This intuition, which I believe rises from somewhere ancient and divine, keeps us safe. Maybe it’s our direct communication with God.
The problem is, however, we misuse it.
Abusing our intuition manifests in two ways. First, we sometimes ignore the still small voice that beckons us toward something better. Secondly, and more often overlooked, we mistake our personal fears and biases as intuition. We use our judgments about things we don’t understand and pretend our “gut” told us to steer clear.
When talking to my best friend over drinks, she confessed feeling a deep level of calm at the pace of her new relationship. She was going super slow, but her new boyfriend worried that she was holding back. The thing was, he wasn’t exactly a new man in her life. She was in a new relationship with an old lover.
“I don’t know if I’m being guarded or trusting my gut,” she says. “I hope I’m not closed off to love.”
The friend in me wanted to shake her. I wanted to tell her that she needed to trust herself. I knew their history, and I wanted to tell her that her pacing was fine, but deep down inside, I realized that I had my own questions about my intuition. In an effort to be a bit wiser than I was the day before, I find myself slower to act, and I frequently wonder if my discretion is good sense or if I’m not open to new possibilities. I couldn’t give her advice that I couldn’t stand behind, so I just listened. But I was left wondering, how can we tell the difference between our intuition and our caution? It’s an ongoing experiment for me, but here are a few ways I try to keep myself honest:
I journal. A friend of mine is a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for many years. When rereading his old journals, he discovered that he’d written that he was an alcoholic almost a year before he found himself in recovery. “My journal was the only place I could be honest,” he’d said. I find this is true for myself as well. Our minds are so chaotic that honest thoughts get mixed in with the noise. If we can find ways to get our thoughts out, we’re more able to see the difference.
I ask friends to listen. Sometimes, when I’m confused, I ask a friend to listen to me and repeat back what she’s hearing. Now, this doesn’t mean your friend is going to give you advice or tell you what she would do. That’s not what you need. He or she is simply meant to listen to you while you rant, and then report back what they’ve heard you say. Often, our words in someone else’s mouth can bring us clarity. “Oh sh*t,” we think as our friends tell us what they’ve heard. “Did I really say that?”
I pray on it. I’m not an overwhelmingly religious person, but I cannot think of a single time when I’ve asked God for guidance and didn’t receive some insight. I am able to live more openly than most because I truly believe that life won’t let me go too far down a path that is ultimately not for me. Granted, this is a two-way street. I try to live my life righteously and do the best for everyone I meet, but ultimately, I can live a little more openly because I know that I don’t walk through this life alone.
Only my friend knows if she’s holding back out of fear or intuition, but when I find myself holding back in the name of emotional danger, I like to remember that I am the descendant of those who survived. I come from a lineage of strong and powerful people, and carry the genes of the strongest of the strong. So often, our caution does a disservice to this strength. We protect ourselves as if we’re more fragile than we are. In the end, only you can decide when something is safe, but my hope is that we can all get closer to our intuition and further away from guardedness so we can love and live more freely every day.
Patia Braithwaite is a New York City-based relationship writer. You can follow her ridiculous tales of love, life, and travel on her personal blog, Men, Myself, and God. She also tweets and ‘grams whenever the mood strikes her @pdotbrathw8.
“If he can cheat, he will cheat.”
This is what I was told by a wealthy man who considered himself “lucky” enough to have both a wife and a girlfriend. He was living a double life in every sense of the word. He assumed that the two women knew of each other, but neither of them wanted to admit it. Admitting their knowledge would force them to deal with the fact that they were accepting blatant disrespect from a man. Of course, the offender didn’t see it like this. In fact, he had a quite convincing explanation (at least to himself). He said with certainty that if a woman dates a man with money and status she should expect to be cheated on, at least once.
Interestingly enough, on a recent episode of NBC’s The Carmichael Show entitled, “Everbody Cheats,” this same type of opinion was shared by the lead character, Jerrod, after the husband of a family friend was caught creeping. As Vulture’s recap of the episode put it:
“Jerrod is more concerned with the financials of Karen’s marriage. He believes that cheating is natural for successful rich people. According to Jerrod, an income of $50,000 to $100,000 — the bracket in which he himself lands — means a man has thought about doing it, but won’t act on those urges. Once a man cracks $100,000, he has definitely cheated.”
I am no relationship expert, but going into a relationship with the expectation of being cheated on sounds like a slap in the face to yourself. It’s like saying, “I’m not good enough for a man to be monogamous with, so I will just accept what I can get because…well…I want a man.”
This thinking sounds self-destructive. However, I am not at all surprised that some men (and women) have bought into this notion: If he can cheat with ease, he will cheat often. And if he’s rolling in dough, he will.
Let’s face it, more women than not prefer a man who is rich and powerful. Not too many women would say, “I want my man to be broke and powerless.” And in a society where status matters and old-fashioned rules are out the door, we don’t really know what people are dealing with behind closed doors to be in certain relationships. People want to be known and have flashy things. And even women who are doing well on their own often want a man who can provide the same, or better.
Usually, the more handsome or financially well off the man is, the easier it is for him to get a woman. If it’s easier for him to get a woman, wouldn’t this also make it easier for him to cheat? The man living a double life that I mentioned above sure thinks so. In fact, he was quick to tell his stories of sexual escapades with women who were keen to be with him because of who he was and what he had. The stories would seem adventurous to other men, but I’m almost positive his wife and girlfriend would find them horrific.
Still, he was quite certain they would never confront him about the “rumors” because he took care of them both, sexually and financially. His words, not mine.
A 2011 study conducted by professors at Tilburg University backs up this sentiment. More than 1,500 professionals were surveyed to examine the relationship between power and infidelity. Results showed that the more power a person had, the more likely he or she was to cheat. Power produced more confidence, in turn making the person even more attractive to others.
“If women want a faithful man,” the wealthy cheater said, “they need to get a broke man who doesn’t have a lot of options.”
Well damn, I thought; but as brash and insensitive as he sounded, I knew that he was probably right in some instances.
Tons of men with money and status are notorious for being put on blast publicly because of their scandalous ways. And many times we see their wives or significant others stand by their sides as if nothing ever happened. Maybe the “nothing” is something they have chalked up as coming with the territory. Could it be par for the course?
While I haven’t yet subscribed to the idea that all men cheat in relationships, I’m not naive enough to pretend that I don’t know that there are a large percentage who do. And while I get what the man said about men with money having more options, is there an expectation for them to cheat? And with that in mind, as a woman looking for a monogamous, healthy relationship, would you be so comfortable dating a wealthy man?
Cheating will forever be one of the great relationship mysteries. For most people, the solution to avoiding cheating is simple: just leave the relationship. But when cheating isn’t necessary about wanting to be with someone else, what does it mean? Is the issue with the cheater? Is the cheater’s partner the problem? And, most importantly, if someone cheats should you automatically leave?
Watch the cast of Ask a Black Man LA discuss all of those questions and more in the episode above.
Update: While Columbus was sitting silent in the video Karrine posted, several hours later, he had a few things to say about what seems to be their breakup on Twitter.
See what he had to say.
Just want to say….that it's unfortunate that way things end up. I felt truly that a woman gave me a home and a place to get my mind right
— Columbus Short (@ColumbusShort1) March 29, 2016
And a place to maturate gifts that I wasn't able to foster, without stability. I love Karin and her brilliantly talented son. But toxicity
— Columbus Short (@ColumbusShort1) March 29, 2016
(Did this dude just spell her name incorrectly?)
Of any kind isn't healthy for anyone. I've been working hard to bring you guys quality movies, music and art. And that's exactly what will
— Columbus Short (@ColumbusShort1) March 29, 2016
Continue to happen. How could you not love a woman who took you in a broken place and allow you to heal. I'm thankful for the journey and
— Columbus Short (@ColumbusShort1) March 29, 2016
It ain't the first time I've been homeless. But will definitely be the last!! When it's all said and done stand strong stand tall and
— Columbus Short (@ColumbusShort1) March 29, 2016
Most of all UNBROKEN……If I'm still standing you have no excuse! #MoreThanConquerers
— Columbus Short (@ColumbusShort1) March 29, 2016
Man…when you’re homeless, you definitely shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds and shelters you. Smh… hopefully Columbus will learn one day.
Karrine Steffans and Columbus Short have certainly had a whirlwind romance. Before we even had a chance to get used to these two as a couple, they were announcing that they were married. That was mid January.
Now, in late March, it seems that there might be trouble in paradise.
Well, not exactly “seems,” Karrine made it crystal clear on her Twitter page early this morning.
@ColumbusShort1 Out here fucking everything moving, ain't got a penny to his name and no place to live. Nigga, bye. FOH.
— Mrs. Karrine Short (@karrineandco) March 29, 2016
And as y’all know, Columbus Short is no stranger to mess and mayhem. And for whatever reason, there’s always a camera around to capture it.
Last night/early this morning, Karrine was holding that camera as she told the world that Short had been unfaithful. She even took the liberty of making it a bit easier for the blogs to find these women that he allegedly cheated with, by @ mentioning them in her Instagram post.
A photo posted by Mrs. Karrine Short (@karrineandco) on
There was also a video. And the looks one or both of them didn’t take the news too kindly. Columbus’ belongings were strewn across the floor of what looked like some type of lobby. While Karrine spoke, Short sat silently in a chair.
A video posted by Mrs. Karrine Short (@karrineandco) on
If you’ve followed Karrine’s Instagram page since January, you know that literally every other post is about her fabulous marriage to Columbus and how she’s never loved anyone as deeply as she loves him.
So naturally, it’s quite interesting to see this 180 degree turn.
I really don’t know what to say about these two. So, we’ll let you draw your own conclusions. Though, with Short’s history of domestic violence, I certainly hope she protects herself.