All Articles Tagged "cheating"
Some people view one-time sexual infidelity as a lesser offense than emotional infidelity. The logic goes, sex means less in a relationship than other forms of intimacy, and one-off misdemeanors are less meaningful than long-term attachments. However, when you have bipolar disorder, sex becomes a marker for mood and health that is just as important as other forms of cheating within a relationship.
So, I cheated on a boyfriend once. It was sexual infidelity, not a planned rendezvous behind my partner’s back. It all happened because my man of nine months preferred to work on a Saturday night rather than hang out with me. I can only assume that work was his preference as I suggested dinner and a movie and he demurred, saying he was in the middle of refining his computer program. I’ll be honest, I still don’t know whether his weekend infraction was worthy of me getting angry or not, but I got angry. I firmly believe, as I believed then, that people in a serious relationship need to see each other every Saturday night. Clearly my boyfriend didn’t agree, and I wondered whether he really wanted to be in a relationship with me. I was angry and I didn’t know what to do with my anger.
Instead of thinking about my feelings or deciding to have a talk with my man, I called my best friend and made plans to meet her at a bar. My situation could best have been described as “on tilt.” Poker players use the term to describe making a wildly inappropriate bet after losing a big hand. Getting rejected, however slightly, was me losing a big hand and I needed a way to make up for the negative feelings I had by betting on another man. When my friend and I sat down at the bar, there was a somewhat attractive man near us. We began talking to him and learned he was from out of town. I bought him a few drinks and decided that I’d be sleeping with him that night.
The details of my dalliance are unimportant, only that it took place at my friend’s apartment because she lived closer to the bar. Apparently I’d lost all sense of judgement in pursuit of a sexual infidelity that would make me feel something other than I’d felt being rejected my my boyfriend. The next morning, I felt completely retched. I knew that what I’d done could wreck my relationship even though I believed I was somewhat justified in having done it. Perhaps I could make my man understand how his rejection — or any rejection — made me feel like I was a worthless person. Like nobody would ever love me. Like I needed to grab onto any positive feeling for dear life whenever and wherever I found it.
But I didn’t talk about how I felt. Instead I tried to make up for my sexual infidelity by turning up at my boyfriend’s house unannounced. I somehow thought that my presence would erase my guilt and right my emotional instability. Of course it didn’t, instead leading to an annoying conversation about boundaries and something I didn’t quite hear because I was too busy crying. I didn’t tell my boyfriend about the man from the night before because I wasn’t sure that I could handle the immediate judgment and likely breakup; I was already too fragile, too volatile. And I needed the positive feeling of knowing I was in a relationship, even if it wasn’t perfect.
I never did tell my boyfriend that I’d slept with another man. We had a mutual breakup a few months later, when my bipolar depression was less acute and I realized that being single was better than settling for a little bit of happiness. I don’t believe I’ll be cheating on another boyfriend. My emotions are much more stable than they were then, and I don’t think I can handle any extra guilt in my life. I’ll just stick with whatever I have for the moment.
Mike Epps’ name is trending all over social media because of a recent interaction he shared with a young woman on Twitter. We discussed it here. Anyone would look at that situation and think Epps was trying to sneakily hook up with this lady, despite the fact that he is very married. What made the situation so messy was that it was done in broad daylight, on his public, on his verified Twitter page.
His wife shut all of that down before it could escalate though. But even that was cause for increased attention.
And while it was an embarrassing moment, Mike Epps might have made a bad situation worse, trying to offer an explanation.
Sorry to all my fans for all the drama on Twitter but I don't run my account by self fyi my nephew DM girls and they find out it's not me
— Mike Epps (@TheRealMikeEpps) August 19, 2015
We’re not the only ones with doubts, Black Twitter responded swiftly with their reactions to his rationalization with the hashtag #MikeEppsExcuses
Check out some of our favorites on the following pages.
These celebrities didn’t wait for the paparazzi to catch their cheating partners creeping. They called a private eye and took matters into their own hands.
There have been one too many cheating horror stories involving women of color in the news.
Then there was the curious case of Barvetta Singletary. The 37-year-old White House staffer fired a gunshot at her beau, a Capitol Hill police officer, after she demanded to see his cellphone because she wanted to know about another woman he was seeing.
There was also the report about Lisa Brown, the mistress of a former NFL player who kidnapped and killed his wife before taking her own life.
And just a few days ago, an unconfirmed story surfaced about a pregnant Ghanaian woman who allegedly committed suicide by jumping from the roof of her home. She did so upon finding out her husband was sleeping with another woman (not to mention that the other woman was…her mother?!).
In the words of my beloved friend Akiba Solomon, “Lord, today.” Which is to say that the world we live in now is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s–and not in a perky, pop song way. Those infidelity-related stories are incredibly sad. There’s nothing more tragic, in fact, than seeing women crash and burn while risking (and losing) their lives and livelihoods for dubious reasons.
Now, I don’t mean to sound off about what are and what are not good reasons to jeopardize one’s life. And I am not questioning whether or not infidelity makes the cut. I believe that women are entitled to their own “Would I die over this?” hopelessness threshold, the tipping point at which a person or event causes them to completely lose heart. So, no judgment if “a cheating man” is your personal tipping point. But it’s certainly not mine.
And, to be frank, I’ve been a cheater in several of my relationships. That is not a prideful boast or a shameful confession, but it’s worth being upfront about. And though I’m not currently cheating on anyone, I won’t try to circumvent any conventional “once a cheater, always a cheater” wisdom to which you might subscribe.
I’ve also been the other woman in someone else’s relationship. Again: Not proud–but also not ashamed. For most single women, dating is about taking the high road. These women will not consider a male contender unless he’s wife-less and wifey-less. But, admittedly (admittedly and, perhaps, in your opinion, disturbingly), I am not one of those women.
Right now, I’m happy to report that I’m neither cheating in my relationship nor am I the other woman in someone else’s. But my past discretions still seem pertinent to consider, given the spate of infidelity-related incidents in the news and the state of my own love life. Not only have I been noticing numerous women-who’ve-been-cheated-on headlines lately, but I’ve also been getting serious with a guy who I’ve been seeing for a while. And being at the onset of a relationship in this current events climate has me wondering: Will I cheat on him? Heck, will he cheat on me? (And my short answer to both questions is maybe.)
Look, I won’t say that I’m pro-cheating or that I wouldn’t care at all if a guy I’m dating cheated on me. No one likes to be cheated on–period. You’ll never hear me downright defend auxiliary affairs (strangely, my former cheating ways haven’t turned me into a fan of decidedly open relationships), but I do accept that stuff happens.
And, for me, having a “stuff happens” approach works. You might call it The Four P’s: Preparation, not preparedness; possibility, not pessimism.
Do I actively suspect that my partner will cheat on me and then constantly prowl for evidence? Absolutely not. Do I trust that my partner knows good and well that I don’t want him to cheat on me, but keep in mind that he might cheat on me anyway, because as terrific as he may be, no one’s perfect? Yeah, kinda.
How will I react if he does cheat? Well, I don’t know.
I won’t feign expertise here. I can’t pretend to know the right way that I, you or any other woman should handle infidelity. And, although I’ve been a cheater, I don’t have much experience as a cheatee. Which isn’t to say that I consider myself immune to being cheated on, mind you. I just can’t say for sure that any of my ex-boyfriends have actually cheated on me, because I can’t recall any of them outright admitting such indiscretions or inadvertently leaving a hot trail for me to find. (I do, however, still have my suspicions that the guy who I dated for a year right after college cheated on me with a woman who became his next girlfriend and to whom he’s now married.)
If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably rolled your eyes when you overheard a well-meaning Afro-hippie offer his or her unsolicited advice to a woman scorned. (“Queen, hold your head up–you’re too good for him.”) So, the only New Age-y mantra that I will conjure is this: Like Miguel Ruiz said in The Four Agreements, “Don’t take it personally.”
When and if I’m the victim of someone else’s infidelity, this is the refrain that I’ll repeat to myself over and over again: “His cheating has nothing to do with me, his cheating has nothing to do with me, his cheating has nothing to do with me…”
Having been the other woman, I’ve heard men’s numerous sob stories about a frigid bedmate who clings to the furthest side of the mattress or a spouse who never leaves the office. But guess what? I don’t buy any of ‘em. And neither should you if you’re the co-star in said sob story. I don’t care what he or anyone else says. “My wife won’t have sex with me” and “My wife works too much” are not closing arguments in cases of infidelity. They’re not clinchers. They’re valid complaints, yes, but they don’t unquestionably decide the matter of who’s to blame.
If, somewhere down the line, I discover that a guy I’m now dating has started running around town with a bunch of side chicks, I can’t say that I’d automatically and categorically blast him as the one and only villain. But I hope to God that I wouldn’t assign sole villain status to myself either.
Besides, what is it about being cheated on that can push us over the edge and hurtling toward self-destruction? Is it our anger toward our unfaithful partner? The self-blame toward ourselves? A combination of both? From what I know about being the other woman, cheaters come in all shapes and sizes, but they rarely, if ever, cheat because of the steady partner who’s in the picture. But maybe if we accepted that cheating has nothing to do with the person who’s being cheated on, we might react differently to it. Not necessarily turning a blind eye or refusing to care, but not pointing a finger at ourselves or the other woman.
Having not sought atonement for my prior infidelities, I find it impossible to not be vigilant about the karmic likelihood that I’ll end up a female cuckold. And I’ll keep the four women mentioned above in mind when I do. I’ll try my damndest to remain appropriately responsive and vigilant. I won’t turn a blind eye, but I won’t poke out my own eyes, or anyone else’s for that matter.
Despite another round of rumors about their split, Will and Jada aren’t getting divorced. But why do some celebrity couples seem to be constantly battling divorce rumors when they say they’re perfectly happy? Do the tabloids have it in for these couples? Or is there something behind the rumors?
Did you read about this woman who got caught sexting her side piece by a stranger at a baseball game? It’s getting harder and harder to get away with dirt, and these cheaters caught in the act found that out the hard way. Whatever happened to keeping your business out of the streets?
So, in shocking cheating celebrity news, it looks like Ben Affleck might be the most recent celebrity to end his marriage by sleeping with the nanny. And he’s certainly not alone. These cheating celebrity husbands also made a big mistake by getting caught with the help.
We often hear fables, myths and gossip about women who sleep with married men. Let’s be real, some of us even know these women personally. They’re our wayward friends, the person our cousin used to be back in the day. Some of us have been that woman ourselves.
But rarely do these women present themselves, boldly and proudly to the public.
Well, one such woman stepped forward yesterday on “The Wendy Williams Show” of all places. And as you might imagine, it didn’t go over too well.
During the “Ask Wendy” segment, this woman stood up and said,
“There’s a gentleman that I met a couple weeks ago at an event. He is so hot. And speaking with him for about two minutes or so, the attraction grew. So the problem is, he’s married. The problem is he’s married and I really don’t care.”
Perhaps homegirl didn’t realize that not only is Wendy married, she and her husband Kevin had their own challenges with infidelity in the past. So she was not trying to hear this at all.
And she checked this woman properly.
Check out Wendy’s response in the video below.
In the light of Cynthia Bailey and Peter Thomas’ cheating scandal, a lot of us have been asking ourselves, “what would I do if he cheats?” It’s hard to know if it hasn’t happened to you, so these celebrities share what happened to them.
Are you and your significant other on the same page when it comes to what constitutes cheating? Many couples think they’re in agreement about what’s out of bounds, but they may be confused. So, what does and doesn’t count as cheating?