All Articles Tagged "Change"
With the average worker spending 4.6 years at one company before moving on, changing jobs is becoming more and more common. And people are also moving between careers as well. What if you are thinking of making a change? What can you do? Here are 10 tips if you want to make a change.
How often did you hear some variation of this when you were growing up? I heard it all the time. And what I learned to do was to desperately defend and explain in fruitless attempts to get my mom or dad to stop judging me and SEE me. Or I would apologize and become the “good girl,” so they would approve of me.
Of course, defending and explaining didn’t work. But that didn’t stop me from trying because I just didn’t know what else to do — other than completely give myself up, which is what I eventually learned to do.
When I got married, I continued in the same pattern — first trying to explain and defend and then giving myself up. The result was, of course, no better than it was with my parents. Again, I had no idea what else to do.
Of course, defending and explaining didn’t work. But that didn’t stop me from trying because I just didn’t know what else to do — other than completely give myself up, which is what I eventually learned to do.
What Else To Do
It took many years, but I finally accepted that defending and explaining only leads to more and more conflict, since the other person feels controlled and goes into resistance. For a long time I didn’t want to see that defending and explaining were forms of control. After all, I just wanted them to see my point of view. What’s controlling about that? I convinced myself that if only they understood me, then they would change.
Now I know that using defending and explaining as viable forms of control is a complete myth. Not only does it not work to convince anyone to see things my way, but it always exacerbates the conflict.
Read more YourTango.com
A few years ago, I was invited to attend a promotional event that focused on African-American authors and relationships. The atmosphere was filled with laughter, intriguing conversation, and a number of single, attractive men and women. At about 9:30 p.m., an extremely handsome gentleman walked through the doors of the venue with his business partner and took a seat just as I was getting ready to speak about my book. Shortly after my presentation, the event ended and instantly turned into a “mix and mingle” networking session. As all of the authors and attendees engaged in conversation, I started gathering my things to head home.
Before I could finish putting my things away, the handsome gentleman made his way over to me and began what was his form of flattery. He began the conversation very casually and smoothly by complimenting my presentation and the concept of my book. He then shifted the conversation toward discussing several marketing strategies with me. Before long, we exchanged information. Shortly after our initial conversation, I contacted him to gather more information about marketing; and then soon after that we were emailing, calling, and texting each other almost every day to discuss everything but marketing. We repeated this pattern for about two to three weeks, and before I knew it, we were in an intense relationship. During the beginning stages of our relationship I was on the path of starting my writing career, so there were a number of events I was invited to attend to speak, book signings and invitations to provide commentary or other articles for various magazines, etc. So of course, while all of these wonderful things were happening to me, I shared them with my new significant other. Initially, he celebrated with me, but as more doors opened for me in my professional career, he seemed to be happy, but he expressed it differently.
While my then-mate congratulated me on my small victories, he would say things like, ‘Let me see what writing I can do for this magazine,’ or ‘you know how I do things…I spend my evening with stars and meeting all sorts of people,’ so on and so on. It also seemed as though every time I shared something with him, he would say what he was going to do next, or what he was planning to do. Initially, this didn’t bother me because I simply thought he was sharing his small victories and plans with me, but as time went on and he consistently mentioned all of his victories to me, I noticed how his attitude towards my success changed. He suddenly became disinterested in hearing about my accomplishments (not that I shared all of them or threw them in his face), if he couldn’t make it to an event he wouldn’t ask me how things went, and if he did ask about the event he would say things that were demeaning and discouraging. As I started noticing these changes, I thought I was being overly sensitive to the fact that he wasn’t as interested and excited about my small victories as I was, so I gave it some more time and more observation of his character; and sure enough I was right…he was trying to compete with me.
Did he openly admit that we were in a competition…no; but the signs were all there. He wouldn’t celebrate with me as much, nor would he even try to motivate me as he once did, amongst other things. I initally thought to myself, maybe he’s intimidated by me, or maybe he just wants to focus in more on his career because as my career grew, I noticed that he worked hard at getting his career off the ground and stable. Who knows? But at that time in my life I felt as though I was involved in a miniature battle of the sexes, and I hope this never happens again because when I’m in a relationship, I want to motivate my mate to do better and support him wholeheartedly, but I want and deserve the same in return. I once heard someone say that some men are intimidated by strong or successful women, and I often thought that that was the case with my then mate; but then I realized that if a man is truly a man he will not be intimidated by any woman. Whether he is as successful as she is or not, if he is a real man he will be secure in who he is and who he’s not, what he has and what he doesn’t.
How may relationships have you been involved in that turned into a competition?
From The Club To The White House: What’s The Deal With How Everyone Uses Dr. King’s Image These Days?
While some of you will be celebrating Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr Day by performing service projects around your community or taking the day off as a silent protest for reparations for all the unpaid work and Jim Crow bulls**t our people have gone through, some of you will no doubt be at the American Legion Post for the MLK Weekend No Worries Bash in Florida.
That’s right, many folks across the country decided to pay tribute to one of the greatest figures in the history of the Civil Rights Movement by going to the club, including the MLK Weekend Blast-Off, which went down this past Saturday night in Auburn, Alabama. No word yet on what notable dignitaries might have descended on this fancy shindig, but according to the er…invitation, which featured the bust of the slain Civil Rights leader Photoshopped into a leather bomber and a neck full of enough bling that could make Nino Brown sit his five dollar a** down before King makes change (get it? Change? Martin Luther King Jr.? Ah, forget it…), Ciroc – or Coric (according to the backwards bottles on the flier) – probably was flowing and the ladies were admitted free all night.
While most would agree that putting Dr. King’s face on your club flier is not the best way of paying respect or homage (and odds are that the promoter is more concerned with cashing in on the very lucrative three-day weekend), truth of the matter is that people have been using, and in many instances misappropriating, King’s legacy for years to sell or market stuff. How could we forget the McDonalds’ “Candles” commercials from the ’80s? I’m sure obesity, high blood pressure and the McRib sandwich was not what he marched all them miles in Selma. And then there are his very own family members like Alveda King, niece of the late Dr. King, who has been using her uncle’s legacy to promote her anti-gay, anti-abortion agenda with her cohort Glenn Beck. She even went as far as to claim that the late Coretta Scott King, who said that Dr. King would have supported gay rights, didn’t have the authority to speak on Dr. King’s behalf because she was just related by marriage and not by DNA.
And then what about all those pictures I see of Dr. King Photoshopped sitting next to, hi-fiving and basically co-signing President Barack Obama on mugs, T-shirts and posters- My personal favorite is the very well-executed pencil drawing of a bust of Dr. King, with the caption “I have a dream,” positioned next to another pencil-drawn bust of President Obama, with the caption, “I am the dream.” That imagery is pretty bold and some would argue, pretty authentic, especially considering that today marks not only King’s national holiday, but the second inauguration of President Barack Obama, the country’s first black president. To add to the symbolism, it has been reported that President Obama used a Bible, which belonged o Dr. King, to take his oath.
Unfortunately, Dr. King is no longer with us, so will never know how Dr. King would have reacted to the many ways in which his image has been appropriated. Perhaps he would embrace President Obama’s historic first and then second successful presidential run as the fulfillment, or at least extension, of his legacy. But as a passionate advocate for peace, racial equality, as well as social justice and human rights, Dr. King might not have felt as supportive of some of the Obama Administration’s policies that deal with education, the environment, the use of drones, illegal immigration and the black and poor, particularly black and poor communities. Again, there is no way of knowing for sure. For all we know, Dr. King might have changed positions later in life. However, if he was the same man as his legacy suggests, he might have been a vocal critic of the President. And that type of dissent don’t land your face on mugs and T-shirts, or in pencil drawings next to the country’s first black president. And I doubt very highly that President Obama would be using his Bible at the inauguration.
And while it is true that King was a man of respectability, he was also a man, who once performed a difficult behind-the-back back shot in a pool match with civil rights leader Al Raby in the slums of Chicago in 1966. Therefore, while a picture of Dr. King Photoshopped into a leather bomber with Mr. T chains, looking like an ’80s rap thug is certainly jarring, it is not entirely impossible to believe that he wouldn’t have embraced Hip-Hop/street aesthetic in some form. Based upon the legacy he left us with, I could totally see a modern-day King co-signing a few rappers and appearing in a few hip-hop videos. What better way to recruit the next generation of leaders into the movement for social justice than meeting them where they are at – and in many cases, when where they are at might just be at the club? Heck, even Maya Angelou did a song with Common – and he been calling women b***hes and h*es on and off for years.
But I guess we all have our own version of Dr. King’s legacy, which we like to remember and honor. My own Dr. King is birthed not just out of his dream of racial equality but of social justice, which inspired him to give these words against war in a speech, delivered at Riverside Church in April of 1967:
“My third reason moves to an even deeper level of awareness, for it grows out of my experience in the ghettoes of the North over the last three years — especially the last three summers. As I have walked among the desperate, rejected, and angry young men, I have told them that Molotov cocktails and rifles would not solve their problems. I have tried to offer them my deepest compassion while maintaining my conviction that social change comes most meaningfully through nonviolent action. But they ask — and rightly so — what about Vietnam? They ask if our own nation wasn’t using massive doses of violence to solve its problems, to bring about the changes it wanted. Their questions hit home, and I knew that I could never again raise my voice against the violence of the oppressed in the ghettos without having first spoken clearly to the greatest purveyor of violence in the world today — my own government.”
Funny, that’s the King we never see a stamp, a party flier, a television commercial or a political platform of. That is what we probably should be offended by.
Last week folks were protesting against Oxygen and Shawty Lo’s babies’ mamas, this week they’re protesting against the church ladies. I guess it’s good that the reality television petitioners don’t discriminate. A new petition has surfaced on Change.org, which is being spearheaded by a woman by the name of Ann Cooke against TLC’s latest reality project, The Sisterhood, which follows the lives of five pastor’s wives that live in the Atlanta area. According to the petition, the show provides a poor depiction of what it means to be a pastor’s wife and is offensive to the Body of Christ. The petition reads:
”The Sisterhood is being portrayed as a Christian reality show, featuring Preacher’s/Pastor’s wives from Atlanta, GA. The previews and highlights of the upcoming show is pure garbage and does not portray the reality of being a Christian or the reality of being a Preacher’s or Pastor’s wife. The airing of this show is not only offensive to the Body of Christ, but it is also degrading to Women of Color (specifically). This show mocks everything that we, as believers, stand for. It is disgusting, disgraceful, inappropriate and an inaccurate display of what we strive to accomplish as Christians. The airing of this show only adds more fuel to the ever-present distasteful stereotype that we, as Christians, fight daily to erase. We must stand together and put an end to TLC’s clear derogatory distortion of the Body of Christ and Women of God (specifically, Preacher’s and Pastor’s wives)! Please spread the word.”
One of the wives from the show, Christina Murray has recently come out against the high levels of criticism the show has received.
“We hated the religious, dogmatic type of church and people who were very judgemental because that’s how they felt they had to be. So when we began this journey we definitely wanted to be real and authentic not only with ourselves but also with our ministry and our congregation,” Murray told CP. “I believe in my faith wholeheartedly and I want to be able to live up to what God expects me to live up to. I want to be the person God is calling me to be,” she expressed to the Christian Post.
Tara, another wife featured on the show, recently expressed some quite varying sentiments and even confessed that she understood some of the backlash the show was receiving.
“I was heartbroken and saddened and had hoped that our show was different than the Real Housewives of Atlanta, and that there was a true sisterhood developing.”
“I absolutely believe the backlash is warranted after seeing the first episode. However you cannot make a final judgment about the show until you have seen the series in its entirety. There are other women in the black church that gossip, argue and bicker. But as first a lady you are held to a higher standard because you are taking on such a prestigious title,” she told The Grio.
What do you think? Should Christians be offended by this show or are people just overreacting?
Jazmine Denise is a news writer for Madame Noire. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise
Don’t you love that quiet lull the office falls into between Christmas and New Year’s Day? With clients and coworkers traveling for the holidays, the workplace can feel like an adult version of Home Alone. But, there are better things to do with your downtime than playing Facebook games or building towers out of office supplies with your cubicle mates. This is the perfect time of year to gain perspective on 2012, and get focused for the New Year. Follow these steps to make sure your mind is right for 2013.
As I read through the latest outrage at the moment, aka, the hoopla over new rapper Chief Keef, I keep hearing Georgia Anne Muldrow and Erykah Badu lyrically asking, “what if there were no n****rs, only master teachers?”
For those who don’t know, Chief Keef is the Chicago teenager (above photo, to the left), who started out of as just another YouTube rapper and has now become one of hip-hop’s most buzzed about artists. Not only has he just inked a deal with Interscope Records, but he also has caught the attention of such hip hop mavericks as Kanye West, who hopped on a remix of his song, “I Don’t Like.” He is also being investigated for a possible connection in the shooting death of fellow Chicago rapper, Joesph ‘Lil JoJo’ Coleman (above, to the right), who may I add, was only 16.
Keef, who was born Keith Cozart, drew the attention of law enforcement after laughing off the murder of Lil JoJo by saying via Twitter, “Its Sad Cuz Dat N—– Jojo Wanted to Be Jus Like Us #LMAO.” He is also known for promoting and supporting gang culture including dancing around in his music videos with what appears to be automatic weapons and tweeting the hashtag “#300” — a known reference to the Black Disciples. And at 17 years old, Keef has already faced numerous criminal charges, including a weapons charge, which has already landed him on house arrest.
The response to the rise of Keef has been rather swift, most notably from fellow Chicago rapper Lupe Fiasco, who publicly criticized Keef for perpetrating the hoodlum lifestyle, which runs parallel to the culture of violence already running amok in the streets of Chicago. Many folks I have encountered have agreed with Lupe, claiming that Keef, and others of his elk, are a burden to the community. “These n****rs are the reason why our community is the way it is,” has become a commonplace mantra in the minds of some black folks. But truth be told, I see plenty of Chief Keefs in my community all the time. And when it comes to what’s wrong with the community, there is enough of that blame to be shared all around.
Young people, particularly young black people, have longed played witness to serious and lethal violence within their own communities. When I graduated from high school, the murder rate in Philadelphia was around 4oo deaths per year. My nephews and niece, who only a month ago, learned of the shooting death of a teenager only steps away from their front door have already grasped the finality of death, even before they can mature enough to witness adulthood. Recently, I saw a bunch of little kids, between the ages of 9 to 11, roaming the street around 12:30 in the morning like a bunch of aimless orphans. Unfortunately, seeing hordes of parentless children at odd hours of the night has become so much of the norm that I didn’t even bother to flinch. The reality is that long after Chief Keef’s moment in the limelight has faded – whether it be from gang violence, the prison industrial complex or crossing over to the mainstream – the community will still have a violence problems. If we don’t get a handle on it, there will be someone else, someone younger, to take his place. Exhibit 1: 13-year old Lil Mouse.
But even as the threat of losing an entire generation (i.e. the children) grows uncomfortably near, many of us have become stagnated in prayer, hope, apathy and the wait for change to come. I noticed this much last week when all eyes were fixated on the Democratic National Convention. Collectively, African-Americans are more involved in the political process than most other minority groups, supporting a one-party system by as much as 90 percent. However, we have yet to see the fruits from all of our labor or loyalty. Nevertheless, when Rahm Emanuel asked us whose leadership we wanted in event of “an unforeseen crisis, challenge or conflict,” we don’t bother to question whose leadership is in charge as a teachers strike looms and blood runs red in the streets of Chicago. We smirked and laughed alongside former President Bill Clinton, who worked his arithmetic mojo while reaffirming President Obama’s commitment to the work requirement in welfare reform, a policy called by most a dismal failure. And as the RNC’s mantra/question – “Are you better now than four years ago?” – blared from our television sets, many of us couldn’t wait to nod our heads in the affirmative, even when the reality – at least for us – suggests otherwise.
What Happens When Celebs DON’T Stick To Their Day Job: 10 Of The Best and Worst Career Changes in Hollywood
Change can represent a lot in one’s career. From changing your sound as an artist, or stepping out of your comfort zone, it can work out for the best–and sometimes for the worst. (Anyone remember Joaquin Phoenix’s meta attempt at rapping??) Despite that train wreck, most celebs have had successful career changes and have been better than ever. Here’s a look at some of the best (and not so great) career changes.
Queen Latifah — Best
[Rapper to TV Star, to Academy Award Winning Actress and Jazz Singer]
Queen La went from rapping about “Ladies First” and rocking afrocentric garb, including some pretty sick hats, to acting on a weekly television program that we all loved. If that wasn’t enough, she did big things on the silver screen too, gaining critical acclaim for her work in movies like Set It Off and obtaining an Academy Award nomination for her role as Matron “Mama” Morton in Chicago. Since becoming a household name, she’s been picked as a CoverGirl, and she’s also had the chance to sing jazz music (even though she’s been singing for years) and releasing soul music albums. Latifah proved that staying in your own lane is indeed for suckers.
We were so upset over the news that “America’s Next Top Model” wasn’t going to be keeping our friends (in our minds, of course) judge Nigel Barker, creative consultant Jay Manuel, and fabulous cat walk expert and judge J. Alexander. But this new addition might soften the blow! In place of English photographer and judge Nigel Barker will be the popular male model, Rob Evans. We’ve been talking about this guy’s looks for months now (check out our past “Evening Eye Candy” on him), so it’s going to be nice to see the fresh faced Brit model doing his thing with Tyra and co. Evans has a great catalog of work, including walking in fashion shows for big fashion houses like Givenchy, and he’s got mad body thanks to his years as a boxer. On the show, he will be not only judging the models on their challenges and photographs, but he’ll also be getting to know the contestants a little better by taking them out. He told E! News, “Because I’m young and I’m a model and I’m gonna be the same age group as some of the girls, they want me to take the girls out, have fun with them.” Well all right.
On top of the addition of Evans in Nigel’s spot, stylist Johnny Wujek will be the new creative consultant on the show in place of icy-blonde Jay Manuel. Wujek has been the stylist for singer Katy Perry for years, and now he’ll be coaching the models and helping with contests and shoots on the show. Banks seems pretty geeked about her new additions, as she tweeted recently: “Welcome the fab Johnny Wujek & fine Rob Evans to the CW’s ANTM! Excited for some cuh-ray-zee challenges. Start practicin’ ur booty tooch!”
In the meantime, check out more photos of fine a** Mr. Evans.
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Rihanna has 11 #1 singles on the Hot 100, and now the Bajan superstar can officially add actress to her resume. Riri just made her silver screen debut in the sci-fi thriller, Battleship, and while folks were hoping the #RihannaNavy would make this movie #1 at the box office, it was pretty much an expensive flop. But she’s not the first singer to step outside her comfort zone to act and not have the best results. And at the same time, there have been many singer-turned-actors who’ve had major success on-screen. They’ve solidified the obvious: in this economy, two jobs are better than one. Let’s take a look at some other musicians who decided two lanes were better than staying in one.