Poor Ocho. Just when he thought he was seeing the light of day, he finds out that light will now be coming through a small window inside a jail cell.

Earlier this morning, the former NFL star appeared in court to face a judge for his recent probation violation stemming from his domestic violence case with Evelyn Lozada. Surprisingly, things were moving in Chad’s favor, with a plea deal nearly being struck that would call for Chad to serve no jail time. But in the blink of an eye — or pat of the behind rather — the deal slipped right from Chad’s hands because he used his hand to slap his lawyer on the butt.

According to TMZ, the move happened at the last minute when the judge asked Chad if he was satisfied with his attorney. Ochocinco decided to playfully slap his lawyer’s you know what as if to say yes. And though that move brought laughter from the courtroom, the situation quickly became no laughing matter when the judge went off on Chad and asked if the proceeding was a joke to him. Chad tightened up and explained himself saying, “I had no intent to make this a joke, because my life is in shambles right now.” That’s when his life got noticeably worse and he was kicked out of the courtroom and told the plea deal was off.

When Ocho was brought back into the courtroom, he was reportedly placed in handcuffs and sentenced to 30 days in jail because of his antics. On top of that punishment, his probation has also been extended until December 21, 2013 and he has to complete an additional 25 hours of community service along with extra therapy sessions. The message? Grow the eff up!

Source: poshlingerie.net

How bad are granny panties really?

If you ask me, with all the forms of underwear out there that have one butt cheek out, a string in the middle, a bow in the front and some lace on them, they’re not bad at all. I usually save the granny panties for that time of the month and the monthly panty shortage (aka, laundry time!), but when I’m not around my boyfriend, I’m wearing those joints more often these days.

Back in the day, things were MAD easy when my mother (and probably your mother too) was buying my underwear for me. Somehow, my mother knew my size perfectly, would pick up a colorful pack of Hanes briefs from the store (I would get bikinis on my own later) and throw them my way before school started, when the season’s changed, or after she peeped some holey draws in the dryer. They always fit, they were always comfortable, and they always did what they were supposed to do. But it wasn’t until junior high that I started noticing that briefs just weren’t good enough anymore. Or so it seemed. Getting dressed for gym, friends were rocking thongs and making my “Wednesday” printed panties (I know you had the underwear for every day of the week too) look like something for a third grader. From then on, even though I knew no one was going to see my underwear but me at the time, I felt that I needed to step my game up. That’s when it all started.

When I look in my panty drawer today, clearly many years after the horror I faced rocking saggy granny panties in the ladies locker room in the sixth grade, I see an array of colors and fabrics strewn about from the past few years. Boy shorts, cheeky panties, glittery thongs, those tight a** hipsters. They have all kinds of snarky comments printed on them, and when I bought them I was excited. However, the fact that they’re now sitting in the cut in the back of my drawer is a tell-tale sign that they were given a try and failed. That is, they failed the test of keeping me covered, cute and comfortable at the same time, therefore, they were banished to the back, where they’ll only be used in absolute emergencies (once again, laundry time!). Through these panties I learned a lesson: panties aren’t made how they used to be, and in turn, they’re actually doing way too much these days.

Ever tried the cheeky? They’re the joints that come with lace trim and wild colors, and they leave a whole lot of booty out just in case you want to reveal a little somethin’ somethin’. Seriously, you know baby T’s and midriff baring cropped tops? Cheekies are like that for underwear. They’re the miniskirt of panties, and while they’re cute, they give you wedgies.

And don’t forget about boyfriend shorts. Weren’t they all the rage a few years back? They looked like shorts, but fit like those tight volleyball shorts that used to constrict your breathing in high school. They were supposed to look like a comfortable pair of your boyfriend’s briefs, but of course, not fit like your man’s actual briefs. In fact, as my friend would say, those jokers were a no-go because they could give you the terrible two: a front and back wedgie. In case you were wondering, no, that’s not cute at all.

And don’t get me started on the underwear that push the concept of “less is more.” Yes, I’m talking about thongs. They were once meant to help prevent you from having panty lines with skirts, tight pants, dresses and light-colored bottoms, but women these days wear them with just about everything and to everything: the gym, under sweats, with shorts and more. Maybe that’s why they’re always playing peek-a-boo over people’s bottoms. They can be cute, and they can be helpful, but per the usual, they just aren’t as comfortable as my bikinis or my granny style briefs. I’m sorry, they’re just not.

Aside from wearing some swexy and sassy pieces to impress a boo thang, I think, like most people, that my hope when I pull up and put on underwear is that I’ll be comfortable, and that my lady bits will remain cool (or at least have space) and covered. But these days, underwear are meant to expose every damn near every inch of you, and if they’re not riding up, they’re shrinking with the quickness in the dryer, or causing you to have to mentally prepare just to put them on. Why is the material and the fit for underwear getting smaller and smaller? Why when I go for a run do my hipsters cause so much trouble? (I’ve alleviated the issue by buying running shorts that have underwear in them already!) I understand that a part of the problem is fit, but if I go up in size, why do wedgies still have to put a damper in my jeans? Why when I search through drawers at stores is the selection full of a bunch of strings glitter, bows, and writing that says “Enjoy the view”? Where am I? Justice!?

While I don’t yearn for the days of my mother buying my draws for me, back when they always fit and did the least and the most at the same time, I do miss the days when underwear (NOT LINGERIE) was simple, and not low-rise to match jeans I don’t wear. Until panties and the people who make them get their act together, I’m going to stop paying $8 for a pair of draws, and stick to the big booty granny briefs that have kept me (and been a parachute just in case) for all these years. Well, on the week days at least.

More on Madame Noire!

• People Telling You Not To Wear Heels And 6 Other Tall Girl Problems
• True Life: This is How He Got Me to Go Out With Him
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• Is Venus Williams Really a Sex Addict?
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Source: prince.org

Did you know that having a big booty can be beneficial for your health? No, we’re not suggesting that you go out and get butt implants. We’re talking about naturally big assets or the pear shape figure as some might call it. In other words, it’s about those women who may be fortunate enough to genetically store their junk in their trunk. Studies have shown that women who have a naturally large buttocks and thicker thighs will benefit from more than just having a beautiful figure. There are reports that also say that many health benefits come with it. Here are some healthy reasons why you should embrace your naturally large booty:

Source: health-line.com

Protection Against Type 2 Diabetes

A study from Harvard Medical School has suggested that women with larger backsides and a smaller stomach have less risk of developing type 2 diabetes. This is because the type of fat that is stored in a woman’s behind has a type of hormone that improves weight loss in other areas of the body. It also helps the body to make better use of its insulin.  Unfortunately, this does not include women who have a large stomach AND a large booty though. Sorry ladies…

Source: ehow.com

Less risk of heart Disease

Women with a pear shape figure are also less likely to develop heart disease, as opposed to women with an apple shape who store weight around their stomach. According to the same study done at Harvard Medical School, the reason for this is not because of the amount of fat in these areas, but rather because the type of fat stored in the stomach area differs from the type of fat stored in the buttocks. In other words, there are good fats and there are bad fats. The good fats have hormones that improve the body’s health, and the bad fats can clog up your arteries.

From YourTango.com

Hate your hips? Whether they are too flabby, too bony, too narrow, too wide or otherwise unpleasant to your eyes, chances are, most men find them attractive. Women waste an immeasurable amount of time sweating about body parts that men find Hot in any number of physical states. Check out this list to find out why you should learn to love your so-called flaws after all.

1. Feet. Many men secretly love women’s feet. They don’t even pay attention to the usual body parts that you may be squeamish about. So go get a pedicure with your favorite color and add some enticing jewelry like a gold ankle bracelet and a beaded toe ring. You may be surprised and delighted by your man’s reaction. —Dr. Erica Goodstone

2. Hands. How delicate and inviting are your hands? What do they reveal about you? If you tend to hide them in your pockets or keep them squeezed into tight fists, you may be indicating that you are insecure and witholding. Try opening your hands and becoming a symbol of receptivity, caring and readiness to connect.

3. Fingers. Do your fingers appear well groomed and classy. Are your nails neatly shaped with fresh polish in a pleasing or interesting color? Have you used your fingers to gently massage your man’s shoulders or to sensually tease his arms and back? You may be surprised at how appealing your hands can be as he imagines being tantalized by them.

Read the rest of the things men actually like about our bodies at YourTango.com. 

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• How To Achieve Heatless Curls Around The House

On Saturday I decided to hit up a belly dancing Zumba class to supplement my new workout routine, which I’ve started about a month ago. I’m trying to keep to my New Year’s resolution of losing a couple of pounds, okay 20 pounds, and getting fit and healthy. Anyway, I’m in class, which was held in the top room of a day care center, sweating through a funky mix of Afro-Brazilian beats, Soca music, Whitney Houston and Beyoncé tracks when several things stuck out in my mind:

First, who says that Black women don’t work out? The class I was in was filled to capacity with women of varying hues of the brown scale and sizes. Oh and yes, big women work out too. It may be hard for some to believe but Black women can carry more weight than what is acceptable by body mass index and still be considered healthy. In fact, our instructor, who was a heavy-set brown skinned woman with huge hips, thighs and an even bigger derriere, worked through the routine like it was nothing while the rest of us grunted and gasped to catch our collective breaths.  Which brings me to my final somewhat random but thought-provoking observation: not every Black woman has a big butt.

As a black woman who is lacking the approved standard of the Black woman backside, I can tell you that it was frustrating during the portion of the routine when the big behind instructor told us to shake our money makers and mine wouldn’t budge enough to even produce change.  Once again, by virtue of bad luck and probably some “Massa” late night trips to the slave quarters, I have been cheated out of my genetic birthright. And no matter how many hip extensions, squats and lunges I do, while I may firm the backside, I will never gain the big, shakable ghetto booty I always wanted.

I’ve always been insecure about my behind – or lack thereof.  Growing up it wasn’t easy being the black girl without a big butt. I remember having a boyfriend frankly tell me one time that my big breasts, thick thighs and hips were nice but I would “look better” if I had a bigger behind. He wasn’t the only one who told me that. Even my closest girlfriends chide me about my “white girl” shape. I like to think that over the years, I have come to accept my body for the way it is. However I still don’t leave the house without a long shirt to distract away from what I don’t have dragging behind me.

There is nothing more potentially damaging to a Black woman’s ego than having to explain why she has not been blessed with traditionally defined Black girl features and assets. And explain we must: to the guys we date, to the close friends, family and yes even strangers, who offer up “helpful” advice to help you achieve the standard. We tell skinny Black girls who lack curves to eat more sandwiches. We ridicule Black women with smaller breast into push up bras and surgery, and we tell women with lighter complexions to use darker bronzers and advise darker skinned women to stay out of the sun.  Sure, most of us can readily discuss how disconnected we feel from the European standard of beauty, however for Black women, who lack the “right” skin tone and certain curvaceous video vixen shape, which some have grown to associate with blackness, there is little dialog on how our own pedestal of beauty has become a cage.

Like most African-American women, I am equipped with curves. Because of my frame, it’s difficult sometimes to decide how I want to look. I can’t throw on something all willy-nilly without wondering if I’m going to be showing off too much of my curves–even if I’m really not trying to. Music videos and songs would have you believe that girls with a “body” just want to drop it like it’s hot,  shake it real fast and show it off. On the contrary, most of us are just trying to find an outfit that doesn’t have men gawking and reaching in their pocket to throw singles. The media has glorified backsides all the way back to Sir Mix-A-Lot’s hit “Baby Got Back.” Trying to find a rap song that doesn’t describe a woman with a large caboose (even if it’s done nicely), is a struggle these days. Google ”black woman with curves” and now all you get are infamous “booty” shots and video models.

With a curvier frame, clothes automatically look different on your body, no matter what you do. A dress may look one way on a mannequin and once you put it on, it magically becomes shorter and it hugs you like you needed some love. It’s inevitable. And there are probably times where you may not even mean to wear something body hugging, but it just happens that way. Knowing this, do you buy clothes a larger size so you have more room, or do you wear your size and flaunt the goods?

I am a strong believer in the idea that the venue always depicts how you should dress. If you are going to run errands, it helps to probably look and feel as laid back as possible, and for work purposes, you know to keep it loose and professional. Now, if you are going out with your girls to a club or happy hour, it may be a more appropriate venue to wear more body hugging clothes.  However, when you do, many times you are faced with glaring stares and men ruthlessly breaking their necks to look at what is behind you, and while some women love the attention, others don’t want it. Unfortunately, when most men see a woman with a larger behind they automatically think of sex, and images from BET Uncut flash in their mind. They tend to look at women with larger behinds and curves as sexual beings. This is partly because a lot of media portrays the curvy woman as the one dancing and working poles.

When I am with my male friends it is so obvious. The way they approach women is COMPLETELY different depending on their body shape.  Even the way they describe a woman is different: for example, if there is a girl who is petite, has a pretty face and dressed reasonably, they approach her with some respect and decency. They spark up regular conversation about the weather and gas prices and drop a compliment here and there. But if they see a female with a small waist, a large behind, and nice legs, it is a whole new game. They approach her with sex in their eyes (and on the brain), some very close and in your face. They might even make a lewd comment or two. There also is a sense of urgency because the faster they talk to you the faster they think they can get between the sheets.  I have seen men literally chase a woman down from what they could see on her from behind. It sounds crazy, but it happens. When he is talking to her, he doesn’t even bother to look at her face for a majority of the time; a lot of the time he is scanning up and down taking mental inventory.  Don’t even get me started on the unnecessary touching.  Conversation just comes off as unnecessary these days; they just ask for your information, and hit you with the “What you doing later?” No nice talk, just lets get down to it.

Every curvy woman has been through this time and time again, and it’s pretty sad. Nobody wants to be approached or looked at in an over-sexualized way. Your value as a woman shouldn’t be affected because you have what is considered a “curvier” frame. It ends up being the woman’s responsibility to try and make sure that she portrays herself in a way that commands respect. Maybe rock that pencil skirt instead of a mini skirt. Maybe wear a higher neck shirt instead of that low-cut top. We have all seen that girl that has it ALL hanging out. What kind of message is she sending? Or should she even care? It all comes down to who you are as a person and what you want to say. There are other ways to attract attention of the opposite sex with things like your smile and confidence, but a lot of men see booty first. There will always be a difference between a curvier woman and a woman with less of a curvy shape. It’s like the difference between Jennifer Lopez and Zoe Saldana. What might look elegant on Zoe will look Hot on JLo. As women, we just need to be in control of who we are and our Hot. Seriously, with all the drama that comes with being curvaceous, I can’t even imagine why some women would want to get butt injections.

From the plethora of music videos to other media images featuring women with hefty rears, we’ve safely concluded one thing about black men: They love, and are in some ways obsessed, with big butts.

While this statement may hold some truth, black men’s obsession with big butts may not be as much of an obsession as some think. Sure, most men may like a woman with a round derriere; but the more mature and conscious a man becomes, the more he realizes that a woman needs to have more than a ‘big butt and a smile’ to keep him satisfied.

So are men really as obsessed with big butts as we think?

Read more to find out what these young men told us! * Faints *

Read the rest of this entry »