All Articles Tagged "broken heart"

Would You Take Your Husband Back After He Walked Out On You?

April 17th, 2013 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

About a week or so after retired Pittsburgh Steelers player Kordell Stewart filed for divorce against his reality TV star wife, Porsha Stewart, rumors began to surface that the estranged couple were looking to work things out and attempting to mend the broken fences of their marriage. Initially, I began to think that it was a good thing that they were trying to make it work and from the outside looking in, Porsha appeared to be very dedicated to her marriage. On the other hand, I began to think of the manner in which Porsha says she learned of Kordell’s divorce filing, which was through the media just like the rest of the general public. He called it quits. He threw in the towel, but he never informed her. A representative on behalf of Porsha even came forward saying that Kordell misled Porsha, allowing her to believe that he was committed to working it out, then turning around and filing divorce papers. His method in ending their marriage was pretty harsh.

We hear every day that marriage is something to be worked at. We hear that relationships aren’t easy and that it is ultimately a team effort. But what happens when one teammate  just up and quits seemingly “out of the blue?” Does that negate the union? Does it cancel out the promises and responsibilities that the team has to one another? How do you give your heart back to a person who made it clear that they’ve given up on you and the relationship? What assurance do you have that they won’t quit on you again?

In an interesting Psychology Today article titled, “Contemplating Divorce: Would You Take Your Spouse Back?” licensed therapist Susan Pease Gadoua explores this very subject. Gadoua surveyed a group of people who were three months into their divorce proceedings about whether or not they would take their spouses back. A surprising 90 percent responded, “No.” Gadoua goes on to note that there is often an eye-opening epiphany experienced by the abandoned party in the relationships. At first, they desire for their former partner to return. Then, they begin to see faults and flaws about their ex that they hadn’t seen prior to their heart-wrenching splits.

“In my experience, when a person is the leavee, they often tell me initially they would take their spouse back if he or she wanted to come back to the marriage. This is true particularly when the spouse being left didn’t see it coming and didn’t think the problems in the marriage were ‘that bad.’ But then something interesting happens. As the divorce proceedings take place, the leavee witnesses all kinds of behavior that they’d either never seen before or they had denial around,” notes Gadoua.

She went on to imply that the trauma that comes with being abandoned often stirs up disdain and even sometimes disgust within the “leavee” for the “leaver.”

“One woman had a classic response when asked if she would let her husband back in if he were to ask her to reconcile. In a word, “EW!” Another client told me that after his wife had him served with divorce papers on Valentine’s Day, he wasn’t sure if he could even look her in the eye again, never mind let her back in his bed!”

Break-ups are rough, but being totally abandoned by the person you love and having your teammate switch sides, becoming your opponent, seems unfathomable. While a successful reunion in a situation such as this one seems like it would be ridiculously challenging, I suppose the outcome is really contingent upon the parties involved and their love left for one another.

Would you take your man back if he ever walked out on you or have you ever taken back your ex after left you? How did things turn out?

Follow Jazmine on Twitter @jazminedenise.

Serious About Getting Over Your Ex? 15 Behaviors You Should Probably Cease Immediately

January 18th, 2013 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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A break-up is a fairly difficult experience to get past. The thought of no longer being with a person whom you once loved. The embarrassment or shame that sometimes comes with informing your family and friends that your “we” has just become a me – myself, and I. A bad break-up can certainly be among the most heart-gripping experiences that we as humans endure, and while Hollywood loves selling the myth that getting over your ex is as simple as over-indulging in a tub of ice cream, crying over your favorite playlist of sad love songs, and throwing darts at a photo of your ex, in the real world, we know that this simply isn’t true. These cliché and romanticized methods for dealing with a break-up are actually counterproductive, among countless others. If you’ve recently experienced a break-up or are simply struggling to get over your ex, here are 15 common behaviors that are most likely hindering your progress.

woman on computer, shutterstock pf

Monitoring your ex’s social media profiles

I know how tempting it is, and I’ve been there. But checking your ex’s social media profiles to see what he’s been up to is not such a smart move if you’re serious about getting over him. For one, you run the risk of having your feelings hurt by seeing things that you don’t want to and were never supposed to see, such as photos of him with or flirty interactions between him and a new love interest. It’s a horrible feeling, take it from someone who’s been there. If you have it in you, I suggest deleting him from your friend’s list completely. If you can’t bring yourself to hit delete, that’s okay, too. Just begin practicing self-control and don’t give in to the urge to check his page. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

‘My Daughter Was My Rock': Evelyn Says She Leaned On Shaniece During Divorce

December 14th, 2012 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Source: Jimmy Louis/Wenn

Source: Jimmy Louis/Wenn

There are few women walking this earth that have not experienced a broken heart at one time or another. Most of us know how difficult and painful those can be. We also know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and thankfully “Basketball Wives” star Evelyn Lozada has seen that light. Lately Evelyn has been opening up to the media more and more regarding her divorce from former Miami Dolphins player Chad Ochocinco and how she got over the heartache that letting go of the relationship caused. In exclusive interview with Radar Online the 37-year-old reality star talked about those break up woes that many are so familiar with. Here is some of what she had to say.

On removing herself from the spotlight for awhile:

“I am absolutely back on the road to recovery now, I had a month-and-a-half where I was just dark, I wasn’t tweeting, I went away.”

“”I probably didn’t comb my hair for a month, I needed to turn off from the world, it was a very tough period for me. I am on the way to recovery now though, I am good,” she added.”

On
where she currently is in her efforts to move on: 

“I have my moments, life is a little crazy but it is calming down now. It is tough when families are involved and you are still connected to kids.”

On how her daughter Shaniece helped her to pull through:

“”My daughter was my rock through the whole thing.”

“She is 19 so it was important to be strong for her and make sure she knew that this happened, and I want to be an example for her and let her know that domestic abuse is never something you should tolerate — don’t care who he is, how much money he has or how fine he is — I feel like I need to be an example for her and my 13-year-old stepdaughter, who was there and I still love.”

As much as you may despise her, she’s a woman just like the rest of us and I believe if we look beyond the drama that is constantly surrounding her, you’ll be able appreciate her transparency as a lost love is a topic that many are able to relate to. And just maybe her story can help someone else.

What do you think of Evelyn continuing to discuss the Chad incident? Is it helpful or should she just shut up already?

Jazmine Denise is a news writer for madamenoire.com. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedense

I’m Done Talking: An Open Letter To My Ex On Why I’m Finished Discussing The Past

October 1st, 2012 - By Jazmine Denise Rogers
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Dear Ex,

A couple of weeks ago I stumbled across a quote that almost jumped off of my iPhone screen and slapped me in my face. The tweet read: “If you still talk about it, you still care about it. Stop giving life to dead things.” I stared at it for a while as I allowed the words to penetrate my psyche. It was truth staring dead at me on an illuminated LCD screen. A barrage of images and old conversations began to clutter my mind as I thought of all that had taken place since we called it quits. I quickly retweeted the quote adding my own “note to self.”

It has been almost two years since our breakup; our ugly, painful, unbelievable, long, drawn-out breakup. The one breakup that made me a living witness of the pain that Mary J. sang about in those old school ’90s jams. The breakup that I was sure belonged in a Tyler Perry film or a Terry McMillan novel. The breakup that belonged anywhere but in my life at this point.

Talking is what got me through that difficult period. Talking to family. Talking to friends. Words are what pulled me out of the defeated state that I found myself in, so I clung to them. I expressed my hurt and humiliation. I expressed my rage and dismay. I expressed what it did to my self-esteem. I expressed how I felt I was taken advantage of. I expressed how I was gradually getting over it. I expressed how I was making peace with the situation. I expressed how I was learning to forgive you and so on. Talking about it is what got me through, but even after I got back to my old self, I found that I was somehow still talking about it. I had become comfortable telling our story. I had it down pat. I had it perfected as if it were some ancient folklore that I wanted my future children to pass down to my grandchildren and so forth (not cool).

Although I’ve gotten over what happened, the fact that I still talk about it says somehow or another I haven’t fully released it. With that in mind, consider this letter the last hoorah. I will no longer relay the nitty-gritty details to those that inquire. I will no longer tell the story of how wrong you did me. I will no longer discuss the huge mess that you made. I will no longer call you a womanizer, make any other negative comments about you or throw any kind of dirt on your name. I refuse to give life to something that died so long ago. I refuse to provide  you with real estate in my head. I will leave the past in the past. I will let go of the things that no longer serve a purpose in my life, such as this negative experience. I’m done playing the victim.

I realize that each time you discuss things of the past, you somehow re-visit it and I for one am done re-visiting this soap opera. Living in the past hinders one from moving forward and I am one hundred percent ready to take advantage of my present and step into my future free from baggage, bitterness and resentment. I say all of that to say that I’m retiring our story for good.

Good luck and good riddance.

– Jaz

Jazmine Denise is a  freelance writer living in New York. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise

Photos courtesy of Shutterstock

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Demi Moore Reminds Us How Sick Break-Ups Can Make Us

January 27th, 2012 - By Brande Victorian
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If you can die from a broken heart then surely a break-up can make you sick—that’s what level-headed people suspect led to Demi Moore’s hospitalization two days ago. As Demi’s rep said in statement earlier this week:

“Because of the stresses in her life right now, Demi has chosen to seek professional assistance to treat her exhaustion and improve her overall health.”

While some would rather suggest that Demi’s exhaustion is a result of substance abuse, courtesy of a nitric oxide binge from Whip-its, or an eating disorder, science actually backs up the idea that divorce can make one sick.

A recent review from the University of Arizona found that divorce can raise the risk of early death by as much as 23 percent. The researchers also likened the effects of divorce to other health risks like smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, getting limited exercise, being overweight, and drinking heavily. Although the cause and effect relationship between death and divorce wasn’t conclusive, the correlation isn’t hard to imagine. According to psychotherapist Rachel Sussman:

“When you are processing the ending of a marriage you are overcome with a variety of complex emotions–sorrow, anger, shame, fear.

“Sleep and one’s ability to eat may be impacted by the sorrow and stress, [which in turn] may affect your overall health and cause you to get very run down.”

We’ve all been so stressed or sick that we couldn’t eat—or ate too much. We may have even stayed in bed for a day or two and shut out the rest of the world. Unfortunately Demi is a recovering addict so the potential for her to return to drugs is much higher, but I don’t think people should jump to that conclusion considering the effects the stress of divorce can have on someone. I think most of us would be a little sick if our marriage of seven years was ending and our soon-to-be ex-husband was making a public mockery of our relationship.

Do you think Demi is suffering from a broken heart over her divorce? Has a breakup ever made you sick?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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Tyra Banks Goes on “Eat, Pray, Love” Trip to Get Over Breakup

December 12th, 2011 - By Brande Victorian
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Media mogul Tyra Banks and her boyfriend, Brooklyn businessman John Utendahl, have gone their separate ways after more than three years together. But rather than sit at home and cry herself to sleep, Tyra has headed far east on a spiritual trip many are likening to the book “Eat, Pray, Love” to get over the split.

“Tyra has gone away with a female friend and has been island-hopping, visiting Bali, and taking a spiritual retreat,” a source told the NY Post.

Tyra seems to undergoing a personal overhaul all around. The new author and Harvard student recently appeared on Larry King’s “Dinner With the King” and confessed her no-nonsense attitude on “America’s Next Top Model” is just an act. “In real life, I’m passive-aggressive . . . I’m even in coaching to learn how to be confrontational,” she said.

Meanwhile back in the U.S., Utendahl has already been spotted with another woman whose been described as a “leggy Russian model.” Tacky.

Sounds like Tyra is on the right path. What do you think about her spiritual journey? Is that a good way to mend a broken heart?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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How You Keep Breaking Your Own Heart

November 22nd, 2011 - By Julia Austin
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"Black woman crying"

Sure, there are a**holes out there. There are some true con artists. They’re amazing listeners. They figure you out. They stare at you like they’re looking into your soul. They know what you want to hear. They even know what to do and say to seem like a saint . And then they screw you. And screw you over. In some instances, it’s really not your fault. But to tell you the truth—most of the time it is. You have to remember that you’re the one choosing the men you date. You’re the one opting to go on date number 2, 3, etc. And you’re the only one who can determine what men will and will not be drawn to you. Honestly, you’re the reason your heart is being broken. But you can change that: