by R. Asmerom

A big lesson that many budding entrepreneurs learn is to create a business to solve a problem. That’s just what Corie Hardee did with her company Little Borrowed Dress.

How many times have we women complained about the cost of being a bridesmaid? When I think about it, it’s insane that it took this long for someone to come up with this idea for renting bridesmaid dresses. Men do it with tuxedos so it’s not so far fetched.

Hardee, an MBA who who has been a bridesmaid four times,  wrote about her experience and motivation for her online boutique business in a recent piece for Forbes.

I love to get a good deal. I don’t think a low price tag and style are mutually exclusive. I believe it is unfair that we have to pay $250 plus for a polyester dress that only has a high price tag because the word “wedding” is attached. This passion is what keeps me going despite the challenges I’ve faced starting this business.

She shared some of her startup lessons in the piece, including “lack of industry knowledge can be compensated for by passion and a desire to solve that problem.”  Hardee knew that bridal dresses usually had to be fitted to the bodice of each woman, and that didn’t make good business sense on the part of the consumer. So she worked on the design process in a way that produced complimentary and flattering fits for all types of bodies.

Another lesson she learned is that “you can use a lack of industry knowledge to your advantage by taking a fresh perspective to an established industry.” Although she knows her business model is a threat to the age old industry of bridal dresses, the feedback she’s gotten back from individual women has motivated her to continue refining and developing her business.

Her other lessons involve being motivated by the pushback received from the industry. “The first time I met the owner of the factory we use, he thought I was totally crazy. I remember him giving me a list of reasons why my plan wouldn’t work,” recalled Hardee. She eventually won him over and now taps into this experience and expertise. When venturing into new territory, one is going to experience many naysayers but it’s important to understand that these naysayers are a good indication that you’re “on the right track.”

By Taylor Lea Thomas

Question:

Any suggestions for a formal vow renewal ceremony complete with bridesmaids and groomsmen and traditional wedding attire?

Taylor:

Dear Miss I-Love-You-So-Much-Let’s-Do-It-Again,

First, it’s always so wonderful to hear about marriages that are thriving. Wishing you many, many more blissful years of marriage! You are to be commended. When a marriage works, nothing on earth can take its place. As a wedding planner, I love hearing inspiring stories like yours. Congratulations to you both.

Overall Vow Renewal Theme: “I Still Do.”

I like the idea of redoing your original wedding in a modern way. For your invitations, create one that allows for two photos side by side: your original wedding photo, and a current photo of the two of you all these years later with the invitation wording beneath. On the original photo side, write a sweet caption, something like, “I vowed to love you for better or worse.” With that, add the original wedding date beneath. On the current photo side, you can also write the caption, “I did. I still do. And I’ll forever do,” with the date of your vow renewal ceremony beneath. You can also incorporate the number of years you’ve been married as part of the theme.

If you have children, have each of them read a special passage or a heartfelt letter to the both of you – this would be especially touching if done during the ceremony in place of the Officiant’s or Minister’s typical readings. During the reception, if you have video from your original wedding, before your first dance together, lower the lights in the room and allow the video to play of your original first dance. If you have no video but you have photos, a slideshow would be just as touching to play. Upon its conclusion, the lights can rise again revealing the both of you dressed in the same wedding attire (or modern versions of it), dancing to your original wedding song. If it’s possible to have your original guests attend, invite them too. If they can’t make it, perhaps have them send a short video in to offer their recollection as a guest at your original wedding and what it means now to see you both celebrating your love for each other once again. As a gift to each other, in your wedding bands, engrave “I Still Do.” The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman’s heart.  May you be inspired…

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Your boyfriend, boo thang or husband has been known to work your nerves on occasion. But he’s human. You probably irritate him a little bit too. Despite his flaws and quirks, hopefully he’s still a good dude. If he’s really been testing you as of late, compare him to some of these fictional fellas who had no type of act right whatsoever. If you finish this list and realize your man is just like one of more of these men, it’s time to get your life together with a quickness.

According to the numbers, you shouldn’t believe the hype. Divorce is not increasing at a whopping rate — in fact, it’s leveling off and decreasing after years of going up at alarming numbers. Could be because less people are getting married. Or you could attribute it to the fact that some people are actually taking their vows seriously. Maybe, maybe not.

I, like you, can only speculate what the ins and outs were of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony’s marriage. He could have been crazier than that “thang,” or hey, she could have put her career over her relationship. Only those two–and God–know. In the newest issue of Vanity Fair, Lopez opens up about her failed marriage, and her thoughts on love. According to Jenny from the Block (and thanks to Entertainment Weekly), she loved HERSELF enough to know when to let her rocky marriage with Marc Anthony go…interesting:

“It’s not that I didn’t love myself before. Sometimes we don’t realize that we are compromising ourselves. To understand that a person is not good for you, or that that person is not treating you in the right way, or that he is not doing the right thing for himself — if I stay, then I am not doing the right thing for me. I love myself enough to walk away from that now.”

I understand that people shouldn’t stay in rocky relationships for the benefit of their children–believe me, I get it. That only makes things harder for the child. And I also know you shouldn’t allow a man, woman, or anyone to kill your spirit, but why so much “me” talk when marriage is about two people? Compromise much?

Weddings are beautiful. It really is nice to watch two people devote themselves to an eternity of love with each other. The problem is when that blushing bride asks you to be in the wedding and you have to pay for a dress, shoes, a plane ticket, a shower gift, a wedding gift, the bachelorette party, hair, make-up, etc.  Takes more than just an investment of your time to be a “good” bridesmaid. Your pocketbook might be mad at you for a while.

Our smart and witty sister site The Atlanta Post has an eye-opening story about those hidden costs that go along with being a bridesmaid. You probably have a few weddings on your calendar this summer. Read up!

Have you ever had any surprising or outrageous requests from a bride when you were a bridesmaid? Do tell!

by Jamilah-Asali I. Lemieux

Weddings , which were once simply a special day in the life of a couple, have long since become the center of a multi-billion dollar industry catering to the whims of brides who want to feel like princesses, if only for a day.

As there has been an increased pop-culture fascination with wedding shows, magazines, Facebook shrines and websites, many brides are feeling the pressure to walk down the aisle ‘platinum’ style. Unfortunately, this often finds them passing the buck –sometimes literally- to their team of bridesmaids.

Being asked to serve as a bridesmaid should be a great honor; the bride wants you to play an integral role in what will be one of the most memorable days of her life. However, many friends and family members have found themselves managing the unreasonable demands of a soon-to-be wed woman who thinks that everyone should gladly give up a chunk of their time and money for her nuptials.

Sasha (last name has been withheld for anonymity), a digital producer from Texas, has been a bridesmaid four times; two brides were both reasonable and gracious with their requests, but the others weren’t so easy to work with. Her first bad experience came when her cousin’s fiancée cancelled the wedding two weeks prior to the nuptials and informed the bridal party via angry voicemails and texts.

Sasha had already invested almost $300 in a plane ticket, plus $150 for a “poorly made” bridesmaid dress. A few short days later, the wedding was back on (another announcement made via text). “I never received an explanation or acknowledgement of the previous cancellation or even a thank you note, after I dropped over $500 for her special day!” Sasha said. She has a bit of common sense advice for brides; make sure you acknowledge your bridal party for their efforts: “Thank you cards are a must! No exceptions.”

Destination weddings have become increasingly popular in recent years. However, couples must remain mindful of the great expense incurred by guests and wedding party members, who now have to include a plane ticket and possible lodging, in addition to the traditional expenses. Sasha recalls a cousin who stated that anyone who “cared” about her wedding would find a way to finance a trip to the Jamaican resort where she jumped the broom; “I guess only 15 people cared, because that’s all the folks who showed up!”

By: Victoria Audele

From Left to Right: Melissa McCarthy, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Ellie Kemper, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, and Rose Byrne

Madame Noire caught up with the hilarious cast of Bridesmaids that includes Kristen Wiig, from “Saturday Night Live”, Maya Rudolph, also from “Saturday Night Live”, Rose Byrne, Melissa McCarthy, from “Gilmore Girls”, Wendi McLendon-Covey, from “Reno 911″ and Ellie Kemper, from “The Office”. Have you ever wanted to show your TRUE colors by reacting to crazy people in your life?  Well Wiig [Annie], the childhood best friend and Maid of Honor to Rudolph [Lillian], doesn’t bite her tongue one bit, something most people would love to do!  Bridesmaids will keep women AND MEN laughing throughout the entire movie. The funny girls and director talk about shooting the movie.

When you think about your wedding day you want it to be magical, memorable and as drama free as possible. Emphasis on that last part. While you want to include your family and friends in your special day, there are some people who just don’t know how to act. And while you may love them and even like parts of them, if they participate in your wedding, it’s going to be a hot mess. These are some of the people who can turn a day that’s supposed to be dedicated to love and unity into a hellish circus.

You saw it coming for a months.  Your BFF has gotten really close with that super-nice guy who seems to love her down to her dirty drawers, and you feel like your mere presence interrupts the orbit in a world that revolves only around them.  Then that day finally comes.  She gets engaged, and you have to drop some dollars on a bridesmaid dress with dyed shoes to match, and do something quick about that sinking feeling in your gut.

Of course you’re happy for your friend–she’s your road dog.  Perhaps you both grew up together or forged a strong bond in college.  You both dated  losers and laughed about it later, and cried on each other’s shoulders about ‘the one that got away.’

But somewhere along the the way, your friend stopped dating non-committal men with “L” tattoos on their foreheads, and found Mr. Right.  But in your case, Mr. Right Now or Mr. Bed Warmer doesn’t hold a candle to what your friend seems to have; and despite your best efforts, you’re feeling a little jelly about the whole thing.

But no matter what emotions you might fight with yourself internally, you better be all smiles and daisies when your bestie asks you to actively participate in helping her order the invitations, choose the dress, manage the boat load of wedding shower gifts and help keep Crazy Uncle Ray Ray from sitting next to any of the 30 cousins he owes money to.

Then you can go home and have a good cry about the injustice of all of it, and wail about how the universe is so spiteful and random, because… you’re beautiful and educated too, and dagnabbit!, why does she get to be the one married?

You might not realize it now, but this experience could be your Dr. Phil moment.

“We can always learn from those we envy.  If you want what she has, figure out how she got it.  What kind of guy did she find?  Is he what you want?  Are you staying in your relationship with the guy who won’t commit because you’re afraid you won’t find another?  The quickest way to find out if a guy is willing to commit is to leave him.  Not threaten, but actually leave. If he’s just lazy, that will shake him out of his dream.  If he really doesn’t care, you’re better off.  If your good friends have what you want, then go and get it!  Don’t wast time in envy — put that energy into action and make a plan to get what you want,” says Tina B. Tessina, PhD, licensed psychotherapist and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again.

Take this an opportunity to double and triple-check “The List.”  If your  must-haves are about 100 ways he must be FIOONE and drive the pre-approved luxury car and wear the requisite designer clothing labels, you might want to think a little deeper than that.  If your Dream Man List is a mile wide and an inch deep, then it’s time for you to reevaluate what characteristics really contribute to a long-lasting relationship, like intellect, the ability to provide and protect, honesty, loyalty, a good sense of humor and a love of puppies.

But if you can’t remember all that, just take this away: Beauty fades.  Dumb is forever.

Christelyn D. Karazin is a health writer and the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race Culture and Creed (to be released February 2012), and runs a blog, www.beyondblackwhite.com, dedicated to women of color who are interested and or involved in interracial and intercultural relationships. She is also the founder and organizer of “No Wedding, No Womb,” an initiative to find solutions to the 72 percent out-of-wedlock rate in the black community.