All Articles Tagged "breaking up"
When you and your partner have a couple you’re friends with, and that couple breaks up, you can find yourself navigating some choppy waters. If you’ve known the couple for a long time, you’ll want to keep up both friendships. The problem is that both people will know that, and they will want information. They’ll want to know if you’ve seen their ex recently, how the ex is doing, whether or not the ex is dating, how upset the ex seems and what the ex has been saying about them. They can’t help but ask. Admit it: if you were in their shoes, you’d be tempted to pull information out of the common friends, too! But you have to be very careful handling friends who have broken up because a lot of things you do could be misinterpreted as your taking one side. So how do you deal with couple friends who’ve broken up? Here’s a guide.
Sometimes, deciding whether or not to end a relationship can be incredibly hard; there is a lot of bad, but there is also still a lot of good there. But sometimes, the way a man acts after you break up with him makes it so obvious that you made the right decision. In fact, often a man has personality traits (read: flaws) and bad habits that we think we’re just misinterpreting, but once we call it quits, we realize, “Oh. Nevermind. I totally called it.” That’s because people show their true colors when they’re under stress, in pain, or put through a sudden and difficult change. A breakup certainly fits all of that criteria, doesn’t it? Some women dangerously think, “I can judge the way he’s acting—everybody acts crazy after a breakup.” No. They don’t. And this is a very important time to pay attention to how he’s acting because if it’s ugly, don’t consider taking that man back. Here is how a breakup shows a man’s true colors.
Another one bites the dust…
For the last seven months I thought I was blissfully happy. I’ve come to realize I was at best blissfully naïve. My former coworker whom I’d taken as an unexpected suitor turned out to be less than a frog. My shiny prince was actually a master deceptor, plucking my heart strings, and playing to my trust. It goes without saying I feel like a complete fool, and even as I sit here typing these words my head is still reeling.
The questions swirling in my mind are why? and what was the point?!
I will never understand the lengths habitual liars go to, all to satisfy their own selfish needs. Everything I thought I’d known about my man and our relationship came crashing down within minutes of a basic Google search.
Now don’t go thinking I’m a crazy stalker, but if someone you cared for seemingly disappeared for an extended amount of time, wouldn’t you do some research?
It began with a social media page I found, I can still hear the disdain for the top trending networking sites when he told me he had no social media. He told me how an ex had been using Facebook to cheat and after that he was over it all. In retrospect, if that scenario even happened I’m sure it was him who was the perpetrator. As I perused his page more and more lies began to reveal themselves. I was bewildered and nauseated. Even now finding the words to describe what I feel is like trying to pull oneself out of quicksand. It is scary to think that behind what seemed genuine sincerity was emptiness.
As days go by, moments and conversations rewind in my mind shedding new light on the man I thought I just might spend forever with. I have so many questions, and so many things I want to say, but I know it will yield no fruit worth the harvest. The commitment, time and energy it takes to lie for seven months indicates an undying dedication to our manufactured realities which was and remains far more important than I.
What’s most devastating of all is feeling robbed of the ability to trust myself. Not once did I ever feel the need to question him in a suspicious or an accusatory way.
Even though the break up was a mystery, another one bites the dust, and I’m back at square one. I obviously have a thing for pathological liars, and I need to figure out why. This dude was the opposite of everything I usually go for, and still somehow I struck out. admittedly in the past I’ve been the overly hopeful romantic, overlooking major flaws and running red lights in an effort to make a relationship something it could never be, however this time around I felt at ease. I didn’t feel anxiety for the future like I have in the past. I called myself taking things as they were, but what I perceived to be my reality was merely an illusion. To this day I have no answers or clear picture of what was really going on, but I’ve resolved that sometimes no closure is closure.
Continued from: #RelationshipGoals: Should A Relationship Ever Be Open?
Ah, the joys and pains of an open relationship. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle it, but I figured I would give it a try anyway. I judged people who opened up their relationship, wondering if it was just delaying the end. But when I found myself in that sticky situation, I needed to know: how do you know you’re breaking up? Was my open relationship a sign?
“Wow, I didn’t really think you’d be into it,” Jackson said as he put his fork down in his plate of half-eaten risotto.
“Then why would you ask?” I was confused, but secretly delighted that Jackson was getting worried about our relationship going from exclusive to open.
There was a long pause. I sipped my wine. Jackson moved his risotto around on his plate. More pausing.
“Alright then,” Jackson was reluctantly agreeing to open our relationship–something he’d originally suggested.
I wasn’t sure how to even start opening up a relationship. So I did what any clueless girl in love would do–asked my friends.
I met my friend Keri out for dinner and before we could even order an appetizer, I blurted out, “Jackson wants an open relationship.”
“Girl, what?” Keri asked. She heard me, but she just needed me to repeat the crazy that escaped my lips.
Keri interrupted me, “I heard you. I just…Danielle, what in the world does that even mean?”
“We both want to stay romantically involved, but we want some space,” at least that was the definition I’d built since my last dinner with Jackson.
“The lies you tell!” Keri screamed and laughed. “Isn’t that just a long ass breakup?”
“Is it? Because I feel like it’s something that could work–give us space, time and clarity…”
Ker interrupted me again, “To screw other people.”
“Date!” I corrected her.
“So that’s what you’ve agreed on?” Keri attempted to flag down the waiter who hadn’t even had the chance to come over and introduce himself to us. “Momma needs a drank!” Keri said, fanning herself with the cloth napkin on the table.
I laughed, “Same.”
“Danielle, do you really think this is something you want to do?”
“Well, I’m not 100 percent sure, but he suggested it and I took some time and decided to go for it. Now he’s not so sure about it,” I laughed.
“I just think opening a relationship is delaying the inevitable–the break up. Jackson is a great guy, but he’s showing you that he doesn’t have what it takes to give you the commitment you need and deserve, girl. But I know you’re going to do what you want, just know that I don’t think it’s a smart thing to do.” Keri finally flagged down the waiter.
“I don’t know, Keri. I feel like, if we break up to give each other space, there’s a chance we won’t come back to each other. If we stay together and date, there’s a bigger chance that we’ll come back to each other with some stronger feelings,” I almost didn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth.
“Or you’ll both fall for someone else.” Keri switched gears. “If I get the yucca fries, will you have some? I’m only getting them if you have some.”
A few weeks later, I found myself still with Jackson, but in an open relationship. At first, neither one of us really knew how we’d go about opening things up and then it happened. I met someone.
At first, I didn’t think anything would actually happen with this guy, Abdul. We met at a club where he worked as a bouncer. He flirted, I flirted and we exchanged numbers by the end of the night. I even fought myself on sharing my number because I was taken, and then I reminded myself that the relationship was open.
Abdul kept the flirting going strong–texts, late night phone calls, occasional emails of interesting, cool and heart-warming stories he’d read and wanted to share with me. This was refreshing and I was always excited to get these forms of communication from Abdul. We started getting much closer.
One night, Jackson and I decided to have a date night for old time’s sake. We’d been talking, but not as much as I’d been talking to Abdul. Jackson and I decided to go for dinner and drinks. During dinner, Abdul and I were chatting and making date night plans of our own.
Jackson noticed how often I picked up my phone, the stupid smile plastered on my face, and he frowned, “Those must be some amazing Snapchat posts,” he tried to joke.
I laughed and finished my text and put my phone away, “I’m all yours…well, not really.” I smirked.
“Cute,” Jackson fake laughed. “Who was that?”
“A guy I met a couple of weeks ago,” I said casually while sampling his dish.
“Oh OK,” Jackson proceeded to be quiet for the rest of the night.
Any joke I made, he’d give me a fake chuckle. Anytime I tried to hold his hand, he’d find a reason to pull it away. By the time we made it to the bar, I tried to lighten the mood every which way I knew how, but Jackson was determined to be seething, but still cool.
We were both a bit tipsy when I asked, “Baby, what’s up?”
Jackson laughed, “Baby.”
“Yes, baby…the name I am always calling you,” I was getting upset with his attitude. My phone rang. It was Abdul. I text him that I was out and will call later.
That stupid smile must have found its way right back to my lips because Jackson immediately asked, with venom in his tone, “Was that the guy?”
“What’s going on Jackson?” I asked, trying not to answer his question.
“I think we should break up, that’s what,” Jackson couldn’t even look at me when he said it.
“What?!” Heat flashed in my cheeks and found its way to my ears. I was livid. “Break up?”
“Break up,” Jackson repeated.
“Give me one good reason,” I searched for his eyes.
“I can give you two,” Jackson turned towards me. “You met someone and I met someone.”
My heart sank. Was my girl Keri right? Were Jackson and I just dragging out our break up instead of going through with it? Did Jackson really meet someone or was he trying to make me just as jealous as I made him? Was any of this healthy? I had all the questions and I am sure you do too, but you’re just going to have to wait until next week to see how Jackson and I kept things together, or fell apart.
Come back next week for the conclusion!
Don’t Set His Things On Fire. Instead, Try These Healthy Tips To Help Get Over An Ex After Being Dumped
When you’re in the honeymoon phase of a relationship, where you can’t keep your hands off of each other, you’ve planned your wedding in your head (or via Pinterest) and determined the name of your would-be children, the last thing you think about is breaking up. And then, one day, it happens. You and Mr. or Mrs. Right are no more. That’s when you’re in a different phase and place altogether. Your heart is broken, you cringe at the sight of happy couples, and you want to erase every trace of your ex from your memory…and your phone.
We’ve all been there, and we all know that ending a relationship is tough (especially if you were the dumpee and not the dumper). And depending on how things ended, sometimes you can’t help but feel, well, bitter after a breakup. That infamous Waiting To Exhale scene comes to mind and suddenly lighting your ex’s stuff on fire doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. But this is real life, and you’re no arsonist (I hope). So how do you move on after being broken up with, and do so in a way that’s healthy? Here are some helpful tips.
What exactly is ghosting? When you leave your last date and boyfriend pretending like things were fine — and then just never talk to the person again. That’s what happened to these people who shared their worst ghosting stories with the Internet.
They thought their relationships and marriages were fine. That is until their significant others dropped off of the face of the earth with no explanation why.
Has anyone ever cut out of your life with no explanation? Or have you ever opted never to call someone back when things went stale? If you’ve ever been ghosted or ghosted someone, we’d love to hear your stories in the comment section.
You would never throw salt in a wound, right? The problem with going through a breakup, however, is that you are a giant wound and the world is mostly salt. There are very few places you can go that don’t bring up good or bad memories (and even the good ones are bad now because they’re GONE!) There are very few personality types you can stand to be around who don’t make you think, “I should try to get him back. Humans are generally awful, and I didn’t know what I had!” You know how some people see life through rose-colored glasses? You’re seeing life through a toilet rim. That’s what it feels like at least. So you have to be careful where you look, and where you go. Here are the worst places to go after a breakup.
Closure is like a unicorn: at some point, every girl wants it, but it’s impossible to get. There are going to be men who leave you feeling so messed up, so betrayed, and so confused that you’re going to want answers. You’re going to demand a coffee date so you can get some “closure.” And yet, you’re going to leave that meeting feeling not better, but possibly worse. Here is why looking for closure is pointless.
If you’re a Basketball Wives fan and love all shenanigans pertaining to Draya Michele, you may know that she and her baller boo Orlando Scandrick have a drama-filled relationship, to say the least. First, the couple were engaged and soon after Scandrick called things off. Then came the reports of Orlando filing a restraining order against Draya after he claimed that she threatened to throw bleach in his eyes, pepper sprayed him and threw his pricey Yeezy sneakers in the pool. Sheesh! Just a few weeks later, Draya confidently aired out their dirty laundry in an interview saying that she was never served with papers from Orlando and they had reconciled. And when the drama looked like it had subsided, the on-and-off again couple were throwing low blows at each other on Instagram. Messy, much?
While it all seems like a bit of a roller coaster ride, you don’t have to be a reality TV star to get caught in the drama of on-again, off-again relationships. We all can probably relate to not knowing when enough is enough and when it’s time to call it quits and end a relationship for good. Usually it’s obvious when there is just nothing left to give or the last line has been crossed. But if you’re not sure when it’s time to end it or you simply don’t want to face it, click through these next slides for our run down of the tell-tale signs that it’s over.
No matter how hard you try, sometimes things just don’t work out. As much as it can hurt, break ups are a part of life that aren’t always a reality that’s easy to swallow. After all, you invested time, love and energy into making it work.
Let’s just hope you don’t catch a case in the process of uncoupling.
Here’s a look at some good and bad ways to break up. Remember, it’s always best to take the high road.