All Articles Tagged "break-ups"
When a relationship ends, it always hurts. No matter how long the relationship was, there is always a bit of a sting that comes along with it. However, the better we feel about a relationship, the more it hurts when it ends. When you break up with someone who you thought was the one, it can lead to a lot of heartache. Here are 14 ways to get over the one who got away and move on with your life.
So, it didn’t work out — you guys broke up, and it sucks. It really sucks. But you know what makes it worse? Doing things that you know you shouldn’t be doing, because they’re only prolonging your misery.
In our recent Break Up With Your Ex survey, we found out that 64 percent of respondents are still obsessed with a past relationship, but 86 percent agree they’d be better off making a clean break from their exes. And we’re here to help you do just that.
So get off your ex’s Facebook page (we’ll get to the defriending later), tune in and move on!
1. Jumping Into The Sack
Sleeping with someone new tonight will totally renew your diminished sense of self-worth and independence, right?! Wrong. Having sex tonight will absolutely not do either of those things. Chances are, you’ll wake up with a post-coital hangover and regret everything about your little revenge romp. Don’t get me wrong; hooking up with someone new is a completely integral part of the post-breakup process … in due time. If your mind is made up, go ahead and make out with someone, but keep your clothes on until you can make a more rational decision. I apply a similar strategy when it comes to online shopping. If I still want it in a week, I break out the plastic. Until then, I pump the breaks.
2. Social Media-Stalking
You knew this one was coming — so cut it out! The stalking needs to STOP. Oh, you don’t want to go ahead and press “unfriend” because then you’ll look like you “actually care?” Please. Are you a robot? Of course you care. Doing it today is better than doing it next week, when you can stalk to see if he or she has any new pictures, or status updates, or instagrams, or tweets, or vines. That’s right, we’re talking a cold-turkey social media separation here.
Read more on the breakup process at YourTango.com
The folks over at sparks & honey have completed studies of dating in the future and explored how we will date, have sex and break-up in the next decade by looking at three “macro” trends including: how technology is speeding up how we interact; that unconventional relationships are becoming more accepted; and that kink is going mainstream.
It’s no secret that the online world is changing how we do everything, especially dating. Technology has completely changed what used to be so simple. Boy used to meet girl, flirt with her, get her house number, call her and patiently wait until they connected with that girl and they would then take it from there. Dating is different. Sex is different. Break-ups are different.
Check out these trends that effect how we will date, have sex and break-up in the next ten years:
Technology Is Speeding Up How We Interact:
Technology advances continue to shape and speed up all aspects of dating, falling in and out of love, communication and sex. People volunteer their date willingly and apps generate that information, pulling from preference settings. Technology has become a distraction from our daily lives and created a new type of love triangle.
These days, technology has turned our culture into a microwave society and we’re too impatient when it comes to anything, especially dating. Well, let me speak for myself. I want things QUICK! If I text a guy and he doesn’t get back to me that day or even within that hour, I think he’s just not that into me and I don’t consider him a potential any longer. And don’t get me started online dating. Forget sites like OkCupid and Match.com, the apps that allow people to meet by simply swiping, proclaiming their interest or non-interest in someone have created instant gratification that is unrealistic in the “real world.”
How will technology continue to influence dating? Read more at HelloBeautiful.com
Over the summer, we learned that Love & Hip Hop star K.Michelle was exclusively dating 23-year-old Indiana Pacers shooting guard, Lance Stephenson. Unfortunately, their romance was short lived. By October, we were reporting on the couple’s split. Though she didn’t originally offer an explanation for their breakup, the “V.S.O.P.” singer later revealed that Lance had been unfaithful. During a recent interview with Power 105.1′s Breakfast Club hosts, K further discussed their split.
“We’re god. I just took a step back, but we’re good. We’ve been like, communicating. I think it’s the age. Let us just be friends,” she said.
The reality star went on to discuss his alleged cheating ways.
“He wants to do what a 23-year-old do, but he still don’t want me to do—you know how that goes. So I’m just like, ‘Okay, we might as well be friends,”‘ she added.
Though K admits that it was best that the they go their separate ways, she says that he was definitely one of her better boyfriends.
“You know, I’ve had some awful ones. He actually had some really nice qualities within him other than his… You know, so we’re cool. We really are good.”
Infidelity wasn’t the only issue though, the “I Just Wanna” singer also blames their hectic schedules for putting a strain on things.
“That’s another thing. I don’t think he was jealous, I just know that we never have time. Like my tour starts Monday and I haven’t seen him since like September. The season started and I haven’t had anytime, so…”
Watch her interview on the next page.
Make Your break up less messy
Break ups were never meant to drag on and on for weeks at a time, quietly ruining your friendships, future relationships, and sanity. Some break ups are amicable and easy, and others may result in the authorities being called. If you are having an epic heartbreaking break up, there is a way to make it less messy. You really can have a clean break and be ready to start again.
Despite dropping a cosgining verse on girlfriend Naya Rivera’s diss track aimed towards his exes, Big Sean maintains his love and respect for his ex-girlfriend Ashley. During a recent interview with Necole Bitchie, the 25-year-old rapper discussed parting ways with his longtime sweetheart and finding love in Naya.
On catching heat over his break-up with Ashley:
“A lot of people criticized me or whatever. I’ve known her since I was 16 years old. A lot of the people criticizing me, I wanna ask, ‘Are y’all motherf***ers still with the same person that you was with when you was 15 or 16 years old?’ Me and her grew up. We didn’t always live in the same place and things got hard.”
“She graduated school and didn’t really like LA and she wanted to move to New York. And I’m like, ‘No man, you should be with me.’ Then it was just like, ‘Well, we can make it work long distance.’ For me, it was a little too hard. I feel like that’s just one of the reasons why it didn’t work. I don’t have anything but love for her.
On how he feels about Ashley:
“No matter what, I got love for her and I’m pretty sure she has love for me. That’s always going to be there and that’s why I made sure I kept that song on this album after I did it and after we broke up. She deserves a beautiful song for her because without her, I wouldn’t be where I am period. She deserves 10 songs like that honestly.”
On his track titled, “Ashley:”
“It’s not just a tribute to her. I’m just telling the different stories we had and people will be able to relate to it in their own love lives. Everybody has their… you know, for me, it’s Ashley. “
On messing up during their relationship:
“I messed up a lot. We would just go through things that young people do. I made mistakes, she made mistakes. At least I’m man enough to admit it.”
Check out Sean’s full interview below.
When we find ourselves at the end of a relationship, it’s common for friends and family— in an attempt to soothe and console us— to suggest that we jump right back into the dating game and find someone new. They say things like, “There are other fish in the sea,” and “The world is filled with plenty of guys out there ready to treat you like a queen,” in hopes that their words will rescue you from the feelings of sorrow and loss that you might be struggling with. And while their words may be true and becoming romantically involved with another person may temporarily take your mind off of the emptiness that you’re feeling in your heart, what happens if (or when) you and your rebound guy split? Are you then going to replace the rebound guy with another man as your support system cheerfully shouts, “On to the next,” from the sidelines? And exactly when do you slow down long enough to actually deal with all of the trauma that you’re repeatedly subjecting your heart to?
As women… even more so as black women, we pride ourselves in being strong, fearless and unbreakable. We endure pressures and hardships that are sometimes hard to imagine for those who are on the outside looking in. We’re taught that life is tough and often times unfair, but you grin and bear it and most of all, you never let folks see you sweat. While this is sometimes the motivation that keeps us pushing when the going gets tough, people are rarely ever around to say, “Hey, it’s okay to admit that you’re hurting,” “It’s okay to take time to grieve” and “Taking time to yourself in order to get past this doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.”
The dating hiatus or man-cation if you will, often bears a negative connotation. Some perceive it as a period when bitter or scorned women wallow in their misery, hating their exes. Others believe it to be a post-break up period when a woman desperately hopes and prays that her ex will come back to her. But in actuality, it’s nothing more than taking a simple break from dating and relationships. It can be a time of healing, self-discovery, self-reflection, emotional rest and personal revelation— none of which are offered by hooking up with a rebound guy. This doesn’t mean you have to spend your days propped in front of a television watching Tyler Perry flicks and indulging in a tub of Häagen-Dazs. It can mean that you’re using the time that you once spent with your significant other to spoil yourself, catch up with old friends, improve on a skill, pick up a new hobby, etc. Best of all, if utilized correctly, a dating hiatus can greatly assist you from bringing old baggage into your next relationship.
I remember when I first reported on Love & Hip Hop Atlanta star MiMi Faust’s new relationship. We didn’t learn about her relationship via some cute little subliminal message on Twitter or some barely visible photograph on Instagram with a vague message attached. She wasn’t spotted cozying up to him in the dim lit corner of some Atlanta night club. They weren’t seen strolling down a popular shopping strip hand-in-hand. Instead, the world learned that MiMi Faust and Stevie J were no longer an item and that she’d found someone new during an über messy interview with popular Atlanta radio station, V-103. The occasion for the interview, you ask? Of all things, she was there to deny allegations made by her daughter’s father and ex-man, Stevie J, that he was granted full custody of their daughter Eva due to her alleged negligent and substance-abusing ways. About 58 seconds into the interview, MiMi alleges that Stevie is only upset because she’s moved on to someone new [enters Nikko].
What was more alarming than the fact that MiMi already had her new guy smack-dab in the middle of her baby daddy drama, was that her break-up with Stevie appeared to be so fresh that most weren’t even aware that the two had split. It seemed like a recipe for relationship disaster, and if you were able to catch the last few episodes from this season of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, you know that it was. In what seemed like no time, the relationship fell apart with MiMi looking like a lunatic and Nikko referring to her as “damaged goods” in a club full of onlookers.
This of course, is an exaggerated example, but the underlying message is the same. Jumping from relationship to relationship rarely allows time for healing, reflection, emotional rest or anything else other than a new body to keep you warm at night. Slapping a bandage over a physical wound that requires disinfecting, medical attention and treatment won’t make it heal fast. Shouldn’t the same go for emotional wounds as well? A dating hiatus isn’t a prison sentence. It’s not a sign of weakness. It doesn’t mean you’re in denial. It means that you love yourself enough to make sure that you’re emotionally healthy before you expose your heart to another person. It means that you need a minute to yourself. It means a ton of things, but being weak is not one of them. Honestly, which would you consider to be more strong: the woman brave enough to face her emotions and tackle them head on or the woman who decides not to deal with them by drowning her sorrows on the affections of another?
Follow Jazmine on Twitter @jazminedenise.
Break Up To Make Up: Couples Who Didn’t Let Arguments, Infidilities, And Turmulous Splits Keep them Apart
The only difference between celeb couples and everyday couples is the public’s eyes prying in on every obstacle these lovebirds face. Imagine waking up one day and seeing on the front page of every magazine that you and your man have officially split up, or one of you were caught red-handed slipping between the sheets with another. Its an everyday battle for celeb couples, but like most duos in love, letting go even after crazy turmoil, like infidelity, abuse and so called ‘irreconcilable’ differences, can still be tough. Breaking up to eventually make up seems to be the game to play nowadays. It’s like a media-broadcasted break-up serves as a relationship remedy aka counseling because in no time you see the same couples back in the club or out on the beach in full force cuddle mode. Here are 9 celeb couples who take the cake when it comes to splits that don’t last.
Kobe and Vanessa Bryant
This NBA star with enough championship rings to start a collection has had his share of broadcasted ups and downs with his wife Vanessa. His marriage first hit some rocky roads when he admitted to infidelities after being charged of sexually assaulting a woman in Colorado in 2003. Although the young woman eventually dropped the charges, and Kobe copped a $4 million make-up ring, Vanessa filed for divorce in December 2011. Even with the legal step forward to end the 10-year marriage, Vanessa could be seen cheering him on at his games, and even going back to the locker rooms decked out in heels and a fur to ‘support’ her ‘soon to be ex’. Anyway, the ‘ex’ can be chopped off now because they have both recently used their social networks to announce a reconciliation, and a bright future ahead.
When I’m working with my clients, I notice so many women rushing from one relationship to the next without realizing the power in being single in-between. The evaluation and subsequent life-changing personal growth that can occur during this time can ensure the next relationship is better than the last. Instead, many women commiserate with girlfriends about how they were unappreciated, or how they’re heartbroken over the end of something they thought was forever. What happens with this common response to a breakup is an automatic flood of anger, resentment, blame, and fear of being alone, setting these women up for failure in their next relationship. Sound familiar?
The good news: It is completely possible to set yourself up for success in relationships with some surprising adjustments to what you’re doing now. The worst way to begin a new relationship is by bringing in negative emotions from your past. Also, simply thinking differently isn’t enough (I’ll explain later).
Let me share one of my great life-coaching strategies, which has helped my clients tremendously. After walking clients through this process, they feel better about themselves, are more confident about attracting the right guy, and have a game plan for personal growth and how to make the next relationship more successful than the last—by using their single, in-between time wisely and positively.
3 questions to ask yourself during your single time between relationships:
1. What did I do right? By asking yourself what you did right during the relationship, you acknowledge how much you’ve learned about being a good partner. It’s an opportunity to measure your personal growth instead of playing the blame game, which always pollutes your next relationship, whether you realize it or not. It doesn’t matter if you’re blaming yourself or your guy: Blame is toxic to all relationships, even the one you have with yourself.
What were you better at this time than in previous relationships? (opening up, trusting, communicating, being more loving, etc.)
Were you supportive of him? (trusting him, encouraging him, showing appreciation, etc.)
Did you establish and enforce healthy boundaries, ensuring you were treated respectfully and speaking up if not?
Read more on YourTango.com.
About a week or so after retired Pittsburgh Steelers player Kordell Stewart filed for divorce against his reality TV star wife, Porsha Stewart, rumors began to surface that the estranged couple were looking to work things out and attempting to mend the broken fences of their marriage. Initially, I began to think that it was a good thing that they were trying to make it work and from the outside looking in, Porsha appeared to be very dedicated to her marriage. On the other hand, I began to think of the manner in which Porsha says she learned of Kordell’s divorce filing, which was through the media just like the rest of the general public. He called it quits. He threw in the towel, but he never informed her. A representative on behalf of Porsha even came forward saying that Kordell misled Porsha, allowing her to believe that he was committed to working it out, then turning around and filing divorce papers. His method in ending their marriage was pretty harsh.
We hear every day that marriage is something to be worked at. We hear that relationships aren’t easy and that it is ultimately a team effort. But what happens when one teammate just up and quits seemingly “out of the blue?” Does that negate the union? Does it cancel out the promises and responsibilities that the team has to one another? How do you give your heart back to a person who made it clear that they’ve given up on you and the relationship? What assurance do you have that they won’t quit on you again?
In an interesting Psychology Today article titled, “Contemplating Divorce: Would You Take Your Spouse Back?” licensed therapist Susan Pease Gadoua explores this very subject. Gadoua surveyed a group of people who were three months into their divorce proceedings about whether or not they would take their spouses back. A surprising 90 percent responded, “No.” Gadoua goes on to note that there is often an eye-opening epiphany experienced by the abandoned party in the relationships. At first, they desire for their former partner to return. Then, they begin to see faults and flaws about their ex that they hadn’t seen prior to their heart-wrenching splits.
“In my experience, when a person is the leavee, they often tell me initially they would take their spouse back if he or she wanted to come back to the marriage. This is true particularly when the spouse being left didn’t see it coming and didn’t think the problems in the marriage were ‘that bad.’ But then something interesting happens. As the divorce proceedings take place, the leavee witnesses all kinds of behavior that they’d either never seen before or they had denial around,” notes Gadoua.
She went on to imply that the trauma that comes with being abandoned often stirs up disdain and even sometimes disgust within the “leavee” for the “leaver.”
“One woman had a classic response when asked if she would let her husband back in if he were to ask her to reconcile. In a word, “EW!” Another client told me that after his wife had him served with divorce papers on Valentine’s Day, he wasn’t sure if he could even look her in the eye again, never mind let her back in his bed!”
Break-ups are rough, but being totally abandoned by the person you love and having your teammate switch sides, becoming your opponent, seems unfathomable. While a successful reunion in a situation such as this one seems like it would be ridiculously challenging, I suppose the outcome is really contingent upon the parties involved and their love left for one another.
Would you take your man back if he ever walked out on you or have you ever taken back your ex after left you? How did things turn out?
Follow Jazmine on Twitter @jazminedenise.