All Articles Tagged "boyfriends"
Happy Movember, StyleBlazers! The worldwide occasion aims to raise funds for men’s health program investments and start conversations about men’s health. Men observe the month-long, annual campaign by growing out their facial hair, particularly their ‘staches.
Since we can’t and wouldn’t want to grow facial hair of our own, last year we observed Movember with a moustache themed shopper. This year we’re celebrating Movember with a pledge (or several). For many of us, our boyfriends and husbands are the closest men to us, which means they have a front row seat to all the chaos from our fashion and beauty obsessed existences.
Read more at StyleBlazer.com
Hi, Dr. Sherry,
My name is Mandy and I just broke up with my boyfriend about a week ago. The thing is, he keeps calling and texting me. And when I do answer his calls and texts, he starts flirting with me and then tells me that we’re just friends.
We still have sex. Am I just a booty call to him or does he still have feelings for me and just doesn’t want to admit them? I am beyond confused here and I need help. What does he want from me? — Anonymous
Read Dr. Sherry’s response at Essence.com
To live a year free of “romantic pursuit.” That is my goal. Most of the single men I know scoffed with disapproval when they got wind of my decision, even after I explained my reasoning. Honestly, I could not see what the big deal was. I wasn’t dating any of those particular guys anyway.
I’m no man-hater. I’m far from depressed or bitter. I’m not even looking to promote some self-sufficient pseudo-feminist agenda.
I just want to explore me.
I have always thought of myself but behaved in terms of other people. As a child I tailored my behavior to please relatives; everything was done to avoid “getting in trouble.” I stifled the better part of my creativity and swallowed my dreams because they were “silly.” By my teenage years I was behaving to be acceptable to family AND to gain the attention of the boys around the way. When I entered college, I was behaving in such a way to assert my status as a well put together young woman who was going to change the world AND was trying to land a man. I loved the idea of a relationship and felt overwhelmingly inadequate when my girlfriends would swoon about this date and that boyfriend, these flowers and that romantic getaway. Internalize all of that emotional chaos from childhood through college and you’ve got a tangled, emotional mess. I spent a lot of time trying to make myself visually appealing to men. I thought if someone would JUST want to pursue a committed relationship with me, I’d be less of a mess. I’d be…worthy.
In all of that posturing, though, I took a step back and came to terms with the fact that I had failed myself miserably. I failed to really take the time, and the leap of faith to explore who I am, what I like, what I dislike on my own terms and not me + someone else. I had for so long been weighed down with others people’s opinions and ideologies that I had no real ideas, ideologies or comforts of my own. I wore weaves because he said he loved the look on me. I killed my feet in stilettos because those are se*y, right? I was a little less outspoken because he wasn’t really into deep conversation. I choked back any talk of my faith because he hated it.
I had been chipping away at myself and there was little to nothing left. Just leftover scraps that I was trying to plate into a meal for myself. I was starving.
How silly is that? How unfortunate is that?
My ‘Aha!’ moment solidified that I needed a break from the love chase and the “cutie runs.” I wanted to live free of wanting (or needing – depending on my mood) someone to text before bed or craving one person’s affection in particular. What would my life look like if, for a period of time, I distanced myself from seeking a romantic relationship, and just focused on myself? How might my world change if I embarked on a real journey of self-discovery? If I took myself on dates? If I thought of myself on my own terms? If I spoke as loudly and often as I wanted? If I pursued dreams that no one else backed? If I dressed for ME and not to catch someone’s eye?
For one year I’m giving up the boos, the “hims,” the flirty texts, the friend/lovers. Instead, I’ll be re-centering my focus on the project of getting reacquainted with myself on my own terms with nary a man-chasing moment to distract me.
La Truly’s writing is powered by a lifetime of anecdotal proof that awkward can transform to awesome and fear can cast its crown before courage. La seeks to encourage thought, discussion and change among young women through her writing. Check her out on Twitter: @AshleyLaTruly.
When it comes to relationships, it can be difficult to know what direction you two are going in. Will you be a successful couple? When will his parents meet you, and will that go well? If you get married someday, will it work in the long run? These aren’t easy questions to answer, but there are certain kinds of daters who statistically seem to do less well in longterm relationships.
According to new research, men fall into two longterm dating categories: ”sliders” and ”deciders.” Sliders are men either who take the next step because they think it is the “right” thing to do; they slide into it. Deciders do it because they truly want to; they made a conscious decision.
The trouble with sliders is that they are 40 percent more likely to get divorced than deciders — something that could make anyone worried when it comes to settling down with a partner they want to completely commit to.
So, the question is: Is your boyfriend a slider or a decider?
According to YourTango expert Marla Martenson, author of Excuse Me, Your Soul Mate Is Waiting, sliders “might have been living with a woman and just got married to make her happy, or all of his friends are married, so, why not?” Martenson also notes that partners who haven’t solved their issues with commitment and marriage, or waited until they were ready, could wind up dealing with those problems later on, thus leading to a divorce.
YourTango expert Janet Ong Zimmerman, author of the forthcoming book How to Attract a Man Who Completely Loves and Accepts Me: The Empowering Three-Step Approach to Create True & Lasting Love, says there are traits that could indicate more of a “decider” personality in certain men. If he “has been in stable, long-term relationships, comfortable with commitment, he’s trustworthy (does what he says he’s going to do), takes the time for both of you to get to know each other, he woos you, makes you a priority, makes future plans with you, introduces you to his family and friends, he’s at a good place in his life, wants to get married, and is comfortable with discussing marriage,” then he could be more willing to commit fully and make the relationship last. In other words, he’s more likely to be a decider.
Read more at YourTango.com
When it comes to what women want in relationships, men (no offense, guys) seem pretty clueless. Why can’t they understand women and are women expecting too much of their boyfriends and husbands?”There’s something within us that we want that to be understood so profoundly and so completely,” Barbara Becker Holstein says. “It will not happen. We have to be very explicit.”
“Women like to express themselves,” Carmelia Ray says. “They communicate their feelings and guys aren’t great at that. So they expect them to know exactly what they’re feeling and exactly what to get them.”
Read and see more at YourTango.com
A while ago I attended a party with a few friends and co-workers. While everyone was dancing, eating and drinking, I sat down next to one of my friends and we began to chat about the atmosphere. As we chatted and gazed around the room, we noticed something a little odd. We noticed that a mutual associate of ours was wrapped in a very intimate embrace with her main male squeeze…nothing too peculiar about that, but what was odd was that while we observed her intimately embracing her main squeeze, we also saw the man she was dating on the side standing next to them, watching them as they embraced; and not only that, during the embrace, she gazed into the male “Misteress’” eyes and he smiled at her. When this moment ended, they all stood there talking and laughing as if they were all best friends.
Now this may not seem strange to some, but it was to my friend and I who were observing this scene, because both men seemed aware that she was being intimately involved with both of them. Again, this may not seem too out of the ordinary for some, but ladies what I want to know is, is it okay for a woman to have her main squeeze and her side dish get along, especially when they both know about her relationship with them both?
Some may say yes, as long as both men know where they stand, and they aren’t disrespectful to each other, which is a very valid point; but how respectful is it knowing that the woman they are involved with is intimately involved with someone else? And you know who he is! Personally, I think this is disrespectful to both men, and the woman. Why? Because both men deserve to be with one woman who will engage in a healthy, monogamous relationship with them, and give them all of the attention they need (if that’s what they want). It also shows disrespectful actions from the woman. How? Because as a woman, she should have more respect for her man and herself, and should respect the relationship she is involved in. Now I know many of you may be thinking, but men do this all the time and no one seems to have a problem with it! While this may be true, what we fail to realize is that some mistresses do struggle with being the other woman; but they keep their struggle inside.
Relationships are hard to maintain with two people involved, and when there is a third or even fourth party involved, things can really get crazy because of the emotional attachments that can occur. It is my personal belief that it is not cool for a woman to have her main squeeze and her side dish get a long, or even know each other at all, because as I stated previously, it’s disrespectful to the men involved and the relationship(s). Even if the men involved are okay with knowing each other and knowing their position, you never know what they are saying about the woman behind her back to each other, and other men. The art of discretion is a gift that is a part of a woman’s natural being. Practicing discretion as a woman is a must, especially when it comes to our intimate affairs and our relationships. If you have a main squeeze and a side dish, or you’re just seeing multiple guys at one time, keep them separate for your own self-respect, and for the sake of the self-respect of the men involved. Even if they don’t care, you should because showing and giving a man the respect they deserve in any type of relationship will make you a better woman and them a better man.
Ladies do you think it’s cool for a woman to have their main squeeze and their side dish know each other?
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.
From Your Tango
Have you ever wondered why some great men date women who seem … beneath them, while other guys date women who are way out of their leagues? It makes no sense! Still, you see these types of couples all the time.
Well, after meticulously observing these types of couples and analyzing them instensely, I discovered that there are five kinds of men who tend to date women who just don’t seem like a natural match. Here’s who those guys are and why they date the women they date:
Read more at YourTango.com.
Men are creatures of action more than of words. Sometimes to get a man to do what you want, you need to give him something to react to. You need to do something that will kick his butt into motion. And hey, men already like sports. So why not play a little game sometimes in love?
When it comes to giving gifts, we love how generally low-maintenance men tend to be. We could wrap up an iTunes gift card, slap a bow on a bottle of bourbon, or even throw together a basket of homemade cookies, and they’d be happy, mostly.
But what happens when your man has all the latest toys, or a tie just won’t do on your big anniversary (no matter how nice)? Or, better yet, what if you’re bored with all the usual gifts?
That’s where we come in. We’ve scouted some great gifts so that when the next [fill in any occasion here] rolls around, you’re prepared with something he’ll never forget.
Read more at YourTango.com.
When it comes to men, women, and friends of said women, situations like this can either go completely fine or horribly awry. On a macro level, it’s a bit difficult to answer this question with a catch-all answer that will satisfy everyone. After all, I don’t know all the women of the world, or their friends, so I can’t really speak on that level. What I can tell you about is my own personal experience, and from a personal/observational standpoint, most of the time a woman has nothing to worry about. But you know who that usually depends on?
A few questions need to be answered to assess the threat level in a woman leaving her boyfriend around her friends, such as: How much has the girlfriend told her friend about her boyfriend? What kind of details has she shared with said friend? Did any of it involve sex? And if it did involve sex, how deep (no pun intended) did those conversations go? What kind of relationship does the girlfriend have with her “friend” and how close are they really? The most important question of all though may likely be, “what type of woman is the girlfriend’s friend?”
Asking these types of questions is a great way to determine whether a woman leaving her friend and her boyfriend in the same room without her presence is a smart move on her part.
A part of me believes this situation is overblown. In reality, when it comes to taste in potential partners where sex or a relationship is at stake, I doubt something happens. Plus, as I’ve seen on countless occasions, both men and women have this ongoing allegiance to their friends that is strong enough to override any potential interest anyway. It’s almost like some mechanism kicks in where people say “nah, you were messing with my homegirl, so I can’t even look at you like that.”
On the other hand, as a man, I can say that some of the reasons why I’ve been with women were by “referral.” And when I say “referral,” I mean their friend talked me up to the point where her friend just had to come see for herself. I’m not sure how much that happens overall, but I do know that it happens and I can understand why women would take precautions against that.
And now, for a story.
I was in a situation once where I was chilling with my girlfriend at the time and a friend of hers came to visit. My girlfriend and I were on the couch and her friend was sitting on the floor (college years with no furniture) in front of us. We were engaged in a conversation about the time I gave my lady a ride while another woman my girlfriend didn’t know was in the car with us.
The girl was a neighbor of mine who asked for a ride home and in the midst of transport my lady called and made the same request. My lady was telling her friend how that didn’t go over well (big surprise there) and how she thought my neighbor liked me. As we’re all laughing her friend says, “well Real, you’re pretty cute. If I didn’t have a boyfriend I’d definitely try to see what’s up with you.”
My lady gave this strange half-smirk. It was an expression I knew well. The kind of expression that said “yeah…that ish isn’t funny.”
I honestly didn’t think anything of it. Afterward though, my girlfriend never left me in the same room with her friend again. Like…not even for a second. I never thought anything was going to happen, but I hadn’t ever been privy to any types of conversations had between them about me. For all I knew, her friend knew all types of “personal information” that would have piqued her interest which led her to say something like that.
But like I said, women know better than men which friends to leave around their boyfriends and which women need to be watched harder than Barack Obama on a leisurely stroll through Central Park at midnight. In the end, there’s no one size fits all option when it comes to whether it’s a good idea to leave your friend and boyfriend in a room alone together, but I certainly don’t believe it to be an overblown reaction if women choose not to. I’m just one man though, so tell me what you think.
Ladies, do you have problems with leaving your man around your friends alone? Do you think there’s a chance either he would make the play or she would? Who would you hold responsible if you left the two of them alone and something went down?
Hit the comment box and let me know how you feel.
For more on RealGoesRight’s opinions on men and women, be sure to check him out with the all-star collective of black men writers over on SingleBlackMale.Org. If you prefer something a bit more direct, feel free to follow him on Twitter at @RealGoesRight and subscribe to his blog at RealGoesRight.Com