Do you want to know why so many women stay single in today’s dating market place? One of the culprits keeping women in the lonely hearts club is that they’re setting unrealistic standards. A lot of women today have taken the philosophy that if a man is not making Lebron James money or have stocks like Donald Trump, then that man is not worthy of a their time. Sadly this mindset is heavily prevalent in the black and minority community. You see so many black women pass up great husband candidates because he doesn’t “make enough.” Well that’s her preference and prerogative, but meanwhile these same women wind up spending another birthday with her girls, another lonely Christmas watching Rudolph the Reindeer on TV with her dog because of this so-called prerogative.

Sure there are lots of successful black athletes, male singers and entertainment figures that we see everyday on every screen who have achieved dizzying heights of success that should be celebrated and applauded. But, I believe the mindset of, this is the ONLY kind of man that’s datable is damaging for our chances at love connections. This mindset makes it appear that its the only ideal for black love to aspire to. Not true at all.

There are many successful men behind the scenes that yearn for love, loyalty and commitment just like women do, but because our culture has bombarded us with what their image of the “perfect man,”  some of us have lost sight of the most important things we should be seeking in a mate. The men that have occupations outside of the football field, stage or recording studio get labeled as “regular” or “ordinary” with not as much to offer as the men who spend 90% of their time in the spotlight. So a lot of times, the ordinary men get written off before they’ve even been given a shot to prove their worth to some women.

I once was having a conversation with a good friend of mine and we were discussing her serial single-ness. I was offering up some options of how we could maybe break this drought in her love life. She, being a successful young woman approaching her mid 30′s had conquered all other aspects of her life with flying colors, but when it came to dating and relationships, something was obviously holding her back. It was during that conversation on a sunny, Saturday afternoon that I realized what it was. She described to me that all the guys she was interested in were too busy chasing paper, chasing hits and chasing their goals. Not chasing her! And the ones that were interested in her, she was turned off by because they weren’t exciting enough. She exclaimed to me, “what am I gonna talk about over dinner with a dentist,” or “he’s the manager at a real estate office, how boring” and my favorite one,  “I have nothing in common with a graphic artist…” And I said to her, “only thing you two have in common is that he’s single and looking for a solid relationship and so are you; if that’s not a common interest, I don’t know what is.” I explained to her that there is nothing wrong with dating an “ordinary guy.” All ordinary guys are not users and scam artists. And a lot of times it’s the ordinary ones that have a clearer vision of what they want for their lives in terms of love and commitment and sooner than a man that lives for the spotlight. Not always, but more often than not.

Have your ever turned down a date by, or are you considering pulling the plug on a relationship with a great guy because you’ve heard remarks like “he’s not on your level?” Are you a professional woman feeling pressured to turn down a great guy because he doesn’t have the abbreviations M.D. or Esq. after his last name?

For black women who have chosen to pursue the levels of higher education and profession, I think many have observed the lack of eligible male (particularly black male) counterparts. But for some professional black women fortunate to find a great guy, these same women are sometimes faced with the dating dilemma of feeling like their family, friends, and/or associates are frowning on their decision to date a blue collar man.

Fortunately, I didn’t have to deal with this pressure. And I grew up observing how the “white collar woman and blue collar man” can be a great match. My father is what many would consider a “blue collar man.” He never went to college, and owns his own company. My mother attended prestigious universities, and earned her doctorate. They have been married almost 30 years- and for as long as I can remember, my father has loved and devoted himself to my mother and his daughters (myself included). Because of this, I’ve always looked for a man that mirrored similar qualities as my father. Furthermore, I grew up knowing that there wasn’t anything that a white collar man could give me that a blue collar man couldn’t.

And while I would never advise a woman to lower her standards (assuming she has reasonable standards), or just date anyone that approaches her, I do believe that sometimes women miss out on relationships with great men because we get too caught up in the superficial qualities of a man (like if he has a Ph.D. or drives a Mercedes), as well as what other people think.

At the end of the day, it’s your choice on who you love and who you build a life with- no one else’s. Moreover, I believe the best relationships are made by partners that are not only similar, but complement one another. Where you’re weak, your man is strong- and vice versa. This is what I saw from my parents- and it’s something I aim for as well. So if you’re a white collar woman who’s looking for true love, think twice before turning down that blue collar man who had the courage to step to you- he may turn out to be everything you should have been looking for.