All Articles Tagged "black women relationships"
For women, there’s no shortage of relationship advice.
Walk into your local library or bookstore and you’ll find a whole section of books titled “Not Tonight, Mr. Right”; “He’s Just Not That Into You”; “Be Honest, You’re Not That Into Him Either”; “Dating Up: Dump the Schlump and Find a Quality Man” ; “The 30-Day Heartbreak Cure”; “Good Girls Guide to Bad Girl Sex” and our favorite “Think Like a Lady and Act Like a Man”.
[Full disclosure: Surveying my own bookshelf for those titles, I’m aware that therapy would have been cheaper.]
Beyond books, there are magazines, blogs, television shows, single friends, engaged classmates, married cousins, divorced aunts, ex-boyfriends, nosy neighbors and well-meaning mothers all ready to give you advice – both solicited and non-solicited.
However, just because there are a surplus of books with often contradicting and/or redundant information, or people who give you advice without realizing their life is one you thank God you’re not living, there are some gems out there.
Every now and then, I get some relationship advice that really resonates with me.
If I had to list the best relationship advice I ever got, I would be hard pressed to list them all, but I can think of two examples.
A few years ago, I was telling my friend how I was stuck in a merry-go-round with a particular guy. “It’s been two years”, I complained. She responded: “Two years is better than two years and a day.”
It was like a lightbulb went off! Here I was moaning and groaning about how I wasted the past two years of my life and she pointed out such an obvious truth. There is nothing I could do about the time I wasted, but in that moment I discovered that I could resolve not to waste another day.
I took her advice in that situation and, now, every time I want to complain about the time I wasted on something, I remember her “and a day” comment. There is nothing we can do about the past except move on from it and refuse to let the past be the future. I hate wasted time, but I can’t combat that hate by wasting even more time.
Another piece of advice was given to me recently: “Don’t compare your relationship with anyone else’s.”
It was basic advice given to me in conversation during my wedding weekend. My friend was a newlywed at the time and she told me “It’s weird because you’re going to want to look at other people’s marriages and compare it to your own. Don’t. Everyone is different and their relationships are different.”
Normally, I would have dismissively filed that away in things-I-already-know but, for some reason, that conversation has stuck with me. I remember it every time I launch into comparison mode subconsciously – which is more often than I care to admit.
As a newlywed, I tend to look at what other married women around me are doing to judge if I’m doing the “wife thing” correctly. I actually think that’s beneficial because I can learn a lot by observing. However, if I begin to compare, I undoubtedly come away feeling guilty like I’m not meeting up to some arbitrary “wife” standard or feeling resentful because I’m doing more than someone else’s wife. Guilt and resentment are not productive feelings.
There is a difference between observing and comparing. I’m grateful that a friend felt the need to warn me about this, so when I feel a mental comparison session coming on, I can shut it down.
Of course, I’ve also gotten other great relationship advice from various venues, sprinkled in with absolutely horrid advice, but that won’t help anyone.
What about you? What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever received? Sound off below!
Follow Alissa Henry on Twitter @AlissaInPink
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Sure celebrities have access to private jets and are paid to wear designer clothes, but when it comes to relationships in Hollywood, and relationships in your town, there are more similarities that you might think. Of course, celebs face issues on a more magnified level because of their visibility, but all women and men are biologically different and therefore come across similar relationship difficulties regardless of social status. Take a look at these 7 reasons why relationships across the board are actually more similar than different.
Have you ever dated a man where everything is going perfectly and you are bonding on every level, spending all your time together, and even making plans for the future, and then poof, he’s gone?! Well believe it or not, this is a more common scenario that you might think. Men feel pressure just like women do, and when it comes to relationships many men take flight, before they fight. Take a look at these 8 reasons why he might be pulling away from you — to perhaps see if you can stop it.
Women are naturally inclined to communicate and get involved in their friends’ lives by giving advice, whether it’s asked for or not. They usually seek advice from their girlfriends when an issue in their marriage, a problem with their children, an issue at work, or a fight with a mutual friend arises. Unfortunately, more likely than not, a man is generally involved. Often times women spend hours listening and giving their opinion, only to have their friend completely dismiss the encouragement and make their own decision. But, why? Take a look at these 7 reasons your friend might not be taking your guy advice, and how you can communicate more effectively next time.
Dating often comes with so many rules. Do this, don’t do that. But when you push away all the fluff and see through the superficial aspects of dating, it comes down to a lengthy search for Mr. Right. Many stereotypes and misconceptions come with dating and can cloud our view of reality and judgment… not what we want to happen on a date. Take a look at these 8 dating myths that need to be eliminated sooner than later.
We all get a bit paranoid from time to time. Coupled with insecurity, the stresses and pressures of life can make the world seem like a mean, difficult place, inhabited by people who are out to get you. If you’re feeling this sensitive to begin with, it’s easy to misinterpret any change in your partner’s routine and take it as confirmation of the worst.
So, what are the signs to look out for that he’s cheating? Some men are more prone to cheat than others, so take a look at these 8 signs that he is NOT cheating on you and you’re probably letting your paranoia get the best of you… Read the rest of this entry »
Read the rest of this entry »
Whether it’s your relationship, or a friends’ relationship that seems to be unhealthy, it’s important to know why the union has serious issues. Take a look at these 7 common reasons women tend to allow themselves to stay attached to a relationship, especially when it could be a lost cause to begin with.
Are you in a great relationship? Have you heard horror stories from friends about their men blindsiding them with a break-up or divorce? Well maybe it’s time to take a double look at your relationship, before you’re left scratching your head in the dust. Take a look at these 7 signs that are key indicators that your man might not be as invested as you think.
1. He keeps breaking his promises. When the effort starts diminishing, so does his dedication to you and therefore the plans you make. Men do exactly, most of the time, what they want to do. They don’t often feel the pressure that us women feel by society or peers. When he’s not putting in the time for you, it’s because he isn’t making you a priority.
by Charing Ball
It is estimated that 40 percent of African American women, before menopause, will develop and suffer from fibroid tumors. That number almost doubles after the age of 50. Uterine fibroids are non-cancerous tumors that grow within the wall of the uterus and can be accompanied by anemia, infertility, miscarriage, and early onset of labor. There have been some advancements in the treatment or removal of fibroids including uterine embolization however Black women are still three to five times more likely to have their entire uterus removed, through a hysterectomy than their white female counterparts.
On January 8th 2011, Christina Voltaire, a 22-year old Haiti American college student, disappeared from her Winter Haven, Florida apartment. A friend, who was borrowing her vehicle at the time, was the last person to have seen her. When he returned, Voltaire was gone. However, her robe, which she had been wearing, along with her purse and laptop were still in the apartment. Police have few leads in the investigation but consider Voltaire to be an endangered missing person.
Recent research released last year suggest that Black women are more likely to experience a qualitatively different form of racism, which has contributed to them not being recognized or correctly credited for their contributions. The two studies, which were first published in the Journal of Social Psychology, examined both the memory for Black women’s faces and speech contributions. The conclusions of the studies reveal that 1) Black women were least likely to be recognized and 2) statements made by a Black woman in a group discussion were least likely to be correctly attributed.
You might be wondering how all these items fit together. Well the first two topics will rarely be discussed in the mainstream media and the third provides the why as to why topics featuring Black women are ignored in the press – unless of course we are talking about our hairstyle choices and our dating habits. By now, we have all received word about the dismal marriage rate among black women. And by now, we’ve all been treated to the umpteenth article and roundtable discussion about the dynamic nature of our hair. It feels like every mainstream, and even black, publication and media outlet are churning out at least five articles a day on the subject. It is like there aren’t enough dead horses to beat to make these particular stories go away.
What this suggests to me is that Black women, for all intents and purposes, are still having their images defined by outsiders. Because of it, we spend endless hours debating “facts,” writing blog posts and over-analyzing “issues,” which for the most part, none of us were thinking about until we were told it was a problem.
There is something to be said for the sinister nature in which these stories are published ad nauseam. Not only do they fit the narrative of a larger structure attempting to keep women constantly dissatisfied and questioning themselves but also reflects racial indifference in which discussion around ‘women’s issues’ are generated. For example, the disappearance of a white girl in Aruba is used as an example to discuss issues of safety for women worldwide, yet we ignore the countless black women and girls who go missing everyday and fail to draw the correlations. Likewise, many articles cite the Yale University study of marriage rates among women, particularly noting that 42 percent of African-American women have yet to be married, compared to only 23 percent of white women. Because Black women, for whatever reason do not engage in the sanctimony of marriage, we are viewed as uncharacteristic to the correct, or white, reflection of womanhood.
I must admit I do believe in the old saying “the best way to get over a man is to get another one!” Now before you get all upset and say you need to take time out for yourself and enjoy being single, let me tell you that I also totally agree. I don’t condone jumping from one relationship to another without any time off to reflect on what may have gone wrong or take a break from the mundane and enjoy the single life for a bit, but I am a firm believer that you should also have fun while doing so.
So if you have recently broken up with your beau and need to get your mind off the whole breakup here are a few rules to follow to have fun with a rebound: