All Articles Tagged "black women friendships"
We’ve all hear the saying ‘you ain’t got to lie to kick it’. Of course you don’t really have to lie, but sometimes, especially when you choose to keep things private, you lie instead of simply saying ‘I don’t want to answer that’. This is probably because when we refuse to answer something, people automatically assume the worst, especially those who know us so well, like our girlfriends.
While women love to run to their girlfriends with the latest tidbits of what’s going on at our jobs, in our love lives, or anything else in between, sometimes there are those things that we would rather keep to ourselves. Even as adults, instead of refusing to answer, we sometimes lie.
Are you guilty of telling any of these white lies to your girlfriends?
We all have or had a friend or two that just loved us to death. And at times that’s what it felt like, like ole girl was literally sucking the life out of your body. While there was something that attracted you to her in the beginning, the more time you spend with her the more you realize that she’s straight out of a Destiny’s Child cut…a bug a boo. If you want her to back off a little bit but still want to maintain the friendship, here are a few quick tips to let her down …gently.
1. Start hanging out with other people
Don’t always limit your social activities to just you and her. If you’re in a group of people you can blame your ignoring her on being polite and socializing with all of your other guests, associates or other friends. If you notice that she’s pouting during the group outing, you can later question her about her behavior and explain that you don’t belong to her. You had friends before her.
2. Explain that you need your space
While you’re having the “I don’t belong to you” speech you might want to mention that you work best when you have your own space. Explain that your strongest friendships have lasted with people who gave you a moment to breathe. She’s most likely the persistent type, meaning your words will go in one ear and out the other; that’s ok, you can use that conversation as a weapon next time she’s trying to be in your face. “Girl, remember when I said I need my space? This is one of those times.” It may sound harsh; but if you keep acting like everything is ok now, you’ll explode later and may even lose a friend.
3. Don’t talk about her with someone who can’t be trusted
If you don’t want to lose her as a friend altogether or if you don’t want to hurt her feelings, don’t express your irritation towards her with another one of your friends who can’t be trusted to keep their mouth shut. Chances are if she repeats your conversation, your words will be taken completely out of context. After all you were frustrated. Plus the big mouth probably won’t mention the fact that you said the girl has some good qualities. If you haven’t noticed by now, the good news never comes with the gossip. Go to someone who doesn’t know her and release or better yet go to the “vault friend” the one who protects your secrets like she’s guarding top secret, government information. She’s the one that can handle the venting rant and keep it between you two.
4. Think about her positive qualities
When you feel like you can’t take anymore, think about what first attracted you to her as a friend. She might really be working that last nerve, so you might have to make a list. If you think about her story long enough, you might find that there’s a reason for her clingy behavior. Maybe you’re the first genuine person she’s met. If so, try hard not to be another disappointment. Empathizing with her and her situation will help you to have more patience.
5. Limit your time together
Most people are more tolerable in small doses. Give yourself a break from her. If you two hung out last weekend, let a few weeks go by before you link up again. If you’re one who likes to keep it real, make plans either alone or with others to be unavailable. When you are out together, make sure you arrive separately so you can dip whenever you’re ready.
Good women are all around us. Most of us wouldn’t be here today were it not for the love of mothers, aunties, grandmothers and homegirls who have held us down since before we could even consider doing it for ourselves. However, there are also plenty of toxic personalities out there who we’d do best to avoid. Peep our list of the most dangerous chicks around and do your best to keep them at a distance!
Lest you forget the value of a “true” best friend in all your newfound (or oldfound) “grown-up-ness,” we’ve decided to compile a couple of reminders of five key traits of a real B.F.F.! Feel free to add any traits we may have overlooked, in the ‘Comments’ section. Read the rest of this entry »
Read the rest of this entry »