Madame Noire | Black Women's Lifestyle Guide | Black Hair | Black Love

Now we’re fresh out of ideas if your man is Charlie Sheen, but if you have an otherwise-chill man who’s freaking out over a lost job, business deal gone bad, issues with his family, a bad day – or what have you, here’s how to calm him down, soothe him, and at least not make the situation worse.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear China,

I have just one question. How do I teach my boyfriend how I want to be treated (i.e. opening doors for me, pulling my chair out, e.t.c.)? I am anxious to hear your thoughts on this.

Sincerely,
Gentleman School

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear China,

Read the rest of this entry »

Love is such a powerful word. It can make the well man sick and the sick man well. At the same time though, you’ve probably told yourself “I will never again…” after some particularly bad break-up. Love can be complex,  so here we offer a few commandments everyone should keep in mind while loving, being loved, or even looking for love.

See if you agree!

During Black History Month, we hear an awful lot about the wonderful, powerful black men who have graced this planet with their presence. We hear a lot about powerful women too, even the wives of some of these men.  The stories of Betty Shabazz and Coretta Scott King and  Michelle Obama (the wife of our current history-making president) are pretty well known.  But what if we reached back a little further to the wives who have more so been in the shadow of the great men who loved them?

Let’s take a peek at four fascinating women lost to time!

Would you ever consider dating your friend’s ex? Would you do it under certain circumstances? See what these New Yorkers had to say about it!

Relationships may seem elusive or few and far between. However, there is no reason to stay in a losing situation just to say you aren’t alone. We often time ignore the signs of a bad partner because we don’t want to be alone or because we want something to work that really, well, shouldn’t. If you find any of the signs below in your relationship, chances are…you’re caught up in a ‘bad romance’.

Break-ups can be difficult. Maybe that’s one of the reason our minds are in denial in spite of the break-up signs that are presented before us; and who can blame some of us girls who were single for so long. Our temporary ‘Prince Charming’ came, but only to turn into a toad. The fact that our relationship may be unfolding before us can be a hard thing to grasp.

Still, while it’s difficult to break-up and start fresh, it can be even more excruciating to attempt to hold on to someone who has emotionally let you go for quite some time. Normally before a break-up occurs there are a few signs that we should look for. Pay attention to these signs.

We asked a few New Yorkers to tell us about their worse dates. Their stories are funnier and stranger than you could ever imagine! Also here’s a new phrase for your vocabulary: “shook her down.” Roll the video, you’ll find out the meaning.

What was your worst dating experience?

While we are often encouraged to release ourselves from the ‘bonds’ of anger and forgive our lovers for their misdeeds a new study suggests that giving your spouse a pass may encourage them to *gasp* do the same thing that upset you in the first place! According to study author James McNulty, a psychologist at the University of Tennessee, responding to bad behavior with “It’s okay, honey” may very well find you seeing the same actions become habits.

The study required 135 newlywed couples to update individual relationship diaries every day for a week; the diaries included questions about anything their spouse had done to upset them over the course of the week and if they had forgiven them. McNulty analyzed data from those respondents who described being upset with their spouses and made note of their reports of their spouse’s action the following day. The wives reported bad behavior from their husbands on about 34 percent of the study’s days, while husbands had complaints on some 29 percent of days.

McNulty found that spouses who forgave their partners were nearly twice as likely to report misbehavior the following day, compared to those who carried a grudge. Most of the transgressions were small; respondents recorded disagreements, nagging or mild incidents of being inconsiderate. However, there were some far more serious charges as well: some 9 percent of men and 5 percent of women claimed psychological abuse, with one man reporting a betrayal and a woman describing sexual coercion on the part of her husband.

While this study is hardly enough evidence to suggest that forgiveness as a rule is bad, it does suggest that if we give our partners too many passes, they will continue the behaviors that we take issue with. In a second study that has yet to be published, McNutly found similar results with couples that he tracked over a four year period. He states that forgiveness is only a potential problem when dealing with a mate who has the inclination to take advantage of her spouse’s trust. “If I forgive you, I’ve given you no reason to stop,” McNulty said. “But if you rarely do it anyway, then that’s not much of a problem.”

He advises taking steps to address problems head on instead of forgiving for the sake of keeping the piece. ”You may feel better if you forgive me,” McNulty says, “But the question is, what happens down the road?”

Instead of rushing to let things ‘slide’, perhaps the best approach is to discuss the things that bother you as they occur. Putting your man on the couch for leaving the dishes in the sink overnight may be unreasonable, but if you fail to let him know what upsets you, prepare to keep observing the same actions–which can breed resentment and taint an otherwise sweet relationship.

(Source)

Have you ever forgiven a lover for a big “mistake” only to have that person do it again?