Madame Noire | Black Women's Lifestyle Guide | Black Hair | Black Love

I’ve always been sensitive to news of someone’s death, whether I knew them personally or just happened to come across their story in the news. This is particularly true when it comes to suicide. Immediately I think of what it must have taken to get the person to the point of not just having suicidal thoughts but to actually pull the trigger, or take the pills, or make the cut.

But while I sit in sympathy and ponder the sadness they must have been feeling and the emotions those closest to them must be experiencing, I’ve realized there are others who have drastically different reactions to news of suicides. While I ponder explanations like depression and isolation, they think selfishness and cowardice.

It’s interesting since news of Don Cornelius’s apparent suicide yesterday, those words haven’t been brought up. Perhaps Don’s positive influence is so great that it overshadows his controversial passing or perhaps suspicions of dementia or Alzheimer’s give him a pass from simply being a weak person who couldn’t handle the cards he was dealt, because that’s often the attitude that is projected when someone takes his own life. It always baffles me that if even in death you can’t understand someone’s suffering, how are you surprised that those same people didn’t seek help when they were living?

As far as we’ve gotten away from Catholic teachings that someone who commits suicide is automatically damned to hell, it’s clear that isn’t what makes suicide such a taboo in society, so what is? This issue is far from being one that’s solely black but it bears a deeper look in a community that is typically resistant to accept or discuss mental health. If we can’t accept or understand someone’s choice to take their own life then how can we be accepting or understanding of the circumstances that lead them to that decision while they’re still living? People tend to question why a person didn’t just “say something” but I tend to believe the person has been saying something all along—either vocally or indirectly through their moods or behaviors—and those signs were either ignored, unrecognized, or brushed off, as was the case with Ashley Duncan. That’s not something we can afford to do any longer.

Black women are more likely to attempt suicide but black males are much more likely to complete it. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide is the third leading cause of death among African American males between the ages 15 and 24, and in 2007, of the 1,958 African Americans who committed suicide, 1,606 or 82 percent were males, according to the American Association of Suicidology.

I understand family and friends who are left behind feel as though a person’s choice to commit suicide was selfish but it’s also selfish to only think about the pain they’re feeling in that moment and not the pain that must have driven their loved one to take that step. It’s also unfair to assume what another person should be capable of handling. What one person may think they can take, another simply may not, and no one can say who’s right or wrong. I think it’s safe to say the perceptions of anyone dealing with thoughts of suicide may not be fully in line with reality as outsiders see it. While people may be around and willing to help, those battling depression tend to not see things that way or to feel as though they are a burden and may in fact be doing their loved ones a favor by taking their own lives. Our perceptions create our realities and once someone is gone there’s no way of knowing what they were truly thinking at the time.

Rather than attempting to admonish any guilt that may be felt by disregarding a suicide victim’s circumstances, it would be far more beneficial to think about what can be done to prevent more deaths in the future. Responsibility for a victim’s death cannot be placed on the shoulders of everyone around them but we should be accountable for the attitudes we have toward depression and other mental health issues so that we can eliminate those stigmas and not worry about people taking that next fatal step in the future.

What are your thoughts on suicide? Do you tend to see it as a selfish or cowardly choice? Do you think the black community is more likely to view suicide as taboo?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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Gabrielle Union’s February Essence cover with Dwayne Wade caught a few side eyes considering the couple’s history, but for the most part people supported the celebration of black love and marveled at their gorgeous photos.

The shoot was the first time we’d seen the two so open with their relationship, and when Sister 2 Sister asked the actress why she and D Wade accepted the offer to cover the magazine, Gabrielle said they wanted to model proud dark-skinned love.

“We didn’t realize that what people were thinking was that we were being kept off of covers and that we were being shunned because we were a darker-skinned African American couple, and when we realized that—and people were like, ‘We want more images of darker-skinned African Americans,’ and also to know that a man of his stature would choose an older woman and a browner woman—we want to see those images, and we were like, ‘Are we being a little selfish?’”

Gabby definitely has a point, I’d only thought about the couple being kept off of covers because of the “homewrecker” allegations, but in this day and age, it’s definitely important to see that ballers aren’t only choosing young, light-skinned or white women. Gabrielle Union is a proud brown-skinned woman who will turn 40 this year and I think most people are happy about what they represent (ex-wife shenanigans aside).

Check out more of the interview here. Do you think Gabby and D Wade’s relationship is a necessary example of not just black love, but dark-skinned love?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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In the latest move for new Johnson Publishing Company CEO, Desiree Rogers, Ebony Magazine launched a new face for their digital site. The new site is full of captivating images from the past and present, celebrating the publications history while embracing a new direction.

Check out the site here.

What do you think about the progression of the magazine over the years? Are you digging the new site?

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We’re doing something right in the work place. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, black women are narrowing the gender wage gap faster than any other race.

In 2010, black women earned 94% of black men’s full-time weekly wages. Comparisons among other ethnicities found Hispanic women at 91%, Asians 83%, and Whites at 81%. Hispanic women were previously thought to be the ones to close the gap since they had the smallest disparity in earnings with Hispanic men between 1990 and 2000, but black women have now surpassed them.

One reason for the narrowing gap, according to the Business Insider, is that two-thirds of African Americans earning bachelor’s degrees are women, which coincides with an even larger trend of women earning more diplomas than men overall in the past 10 years. The more women that get into the work place in positions of power, the greater chance we have of completely closing the wage gap for all women.

Do you think black women will really be the ones to close the gender gap first?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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By Ama Yawson

Be honest.  I am sure that you have had a girlfriend or two call you and, before you can even say “Hello,” shout through the phone “Girl, I’m done with brothas—too much drama! It’s strictly the swirl from now on!”  I’m sure you’ve also read black women’s rants on blogs and comment boards all across the Internet about why they are not attracted to black men or why black men can’t be trusted. Although I fervently encourage all black women to be open to men of any race who can give them the love that their heart desires, I would discourage any black woman from completely excluding black men from her dating pools.  Here are just a few of the reasons why:

A few months ago, an estimated 5,000 unemployed souls braved the unrelenting, Dirty-South to attend a job fair in Atlanta where ninety companies were reportedly present. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the national unemployment rate is 8.6 percent.

The black unemployment rate is nearly double at 15.5 percent, down from 16 percent in October – this includes 17 percent for black men, 13.8 percent for black women, and (gulp)… 39.9 percent for black teens.

Remember the unemployment rate doesn’t take into account those individuals who are either underemployed or have conceded rejection. So, in reality, black joblessness is somewhere along the lines of 30 percent. Why are so many African-Americans being shunned from full-time employment?

What do employers see or not see in us?

What’s our motivation for trying to embark upon a new career when every statistical number says blacks are being ignored in the job market?

“You got children, you got kids, you got bills,” said Derric Clayton, a former security guard with three children whose been seeking work since May. “You’ve got to stay somewhere. You don’t want to be homeless.”

In giving reasons for non-hire, a Chicago-based employer let the cat out the bag recently by citing a plethora of racial stereotypes in describing blacks as “uneducated,” “unskilled,” “unstable,” “illiterate,” “dishonest,” “lack initiative,” “unmotivated,” “involved with gangs and drugs,” “don’t understand work,” “lack charm,” “have no family values,” and are “poor role models.”

Now, those of us with common sense understand such racial stereotypes are completely untrue.

After all, the job market is saturated with legions of intelligent African-Americans equipped with college degrees and ample work experience. Still, perception is typically construed as reality. To bring about positive economic change, it’s imperative we take the steps necessary to invert our professional reputation.

We can start the correction process by condemning commercial forces that advocate and profit from the perilous sale of gangsta rap, misogyny, excess tattoos and all other filth counterproductive to landing gainful employment.

In addition to the aforementioned stereotypes, we can’t underestimate the rising economic power associated with globalization and outsourcing. With so many jobs being shipped overseas, labor intensive positions that once paid $20 per hour are now offering only $10. Without a college education, it’s very difficult to secure above average wages.

Compounding matters is the disturbing fact black dropout rates have skyrocketed in recent years while college enrollment has subsequently descended; specifically in the case of black men.

If morale isn’t low enough, studies have shown African-Americans equipped with college degrees are hired at a far lower rate than their white counterparts; regardless of GPA and/or experience.

Then there’s the theory claiming some employers simply refuse to interview candidates with black-sounding names. Imagine that? The Tyrones, Chiquitas and Alfonsos of the world don’t stand a chance.

High prison rates among people of color have played an even bigger role in the decimation of Black America as ex-convicts receive no love from employers.

When we talk about the cost of obesity, it’s usually related to the burden weight-related issues can have on the healthcare system but obesity may be hitting overweight men and women’s wallets in another way—lower pay, according to U.S. News and World Report.

Unsurprisingly, overweight women are hit the hardest. According to the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth, in 2004, average annual incomes for obese women were $8,666 less than workers with a normal weight. For overweight men, the salary was $4,772 less. In 2008, the researchers found that obese women made an average of $5,826 (15%) less than normal-weight females.

What’s odd is that this pay gap only seems to effect obese individuals who are Hispanic or white. In both 2004 and 2008, black men who were obese earned more than normal-weight black men, and wages were similar for obese and normal-weight black women.

Perhaps this is part of the reason why overweight black women have a higher quality of life than white women, or it may prove that black women’s weight doesn’t mentally and emotionally hinder them from being able to perform on the job and earn the appropriate salary.

What do you think accounts for the fact that overweight black women don’t earn less? What about the fact that overweight black men earn more than normal-weight black men?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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You would think typed words and emoticons would be the safest form of dating, but some health advocates are saying online dating is at least partially to blame for the increased rates of STDs they’re seeing. The thinking is that people tend to rush into physical relationships with people they’ve met online, thinking they really know the other person.

“You don’t have to spend a week in a bar to find somebody you’re comfortable with,” St. Louis Health Director Pam Walker says, “People are doing it online and they’re doing it faster.”

Walker goes on to say 90 percent of 400 or so new cases of gonorrhea and 126 new cases of chlamydia seen in her city are African Americans between the ages of 15 to 24. Given that black men and women have been a bit slower to catch on to the online dating trend, I wouldn’t place too much weight in her online dating theory.

The potential to immediately jump into bed with someone you’ve had too many drinks with at the bar seems stronger than the temptation to sleep with someone you’ve met online too soon, but I can certainly see how someone could get caught up in thinking they really know a person through the computer and forget to check their disease status.

What do you think? Is online dating a likely culprit for the increase in STDs overall? Do you think this could be true for black women specifically?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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It’s not exactly a shocker that white men are at the top of the economic chain on Wall Street, but the fact that their average earnings are more than double that of black women makes me want to go occupy something.

Here’s the breakdown of average annual salaries according to the recent Progress and Pitfalls of Diversity on Wall Street report:

White men: $155K
White women: $100K
Black men: $90K
Black women: $60K

The numbers are based on the 2005 to 2009 American Communities Survey and show a 15% increase in earnings for white men compared to data from the 2000 federal census.

Hmph. Cheers to the 99%. Did you suspect white men were banking that much more than black women on Wall Street?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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By the age of 18, 60% of black women have been sexually abused by a black man, according to an exclusive News One report on a study conducted by Black Women’s Blueprint.  The finding is based on data collected from more than 300 black women nationwide.

In the article, Farah Tanis, Co-Founder of the New York-based organization and co-author of the study, points out that just seven years ago, a similar study conducted by The Black Women’s Health Imperative found the rate to be 40%. “That means there is an increase and we need to stop neglecting that issue,” she said.

One way her organization is hoping to address the problem head on is by advocating for language that specifically allocates funds to communities of color to be added to legislation introduced this week that would reinstate the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA). Although VAWA does include language that allots “grants for outreach and services to under-served populations, no racial language is written into the act because Federal law prohibits legislation that earmarks government funding based on race. In 2005, Rep. John Conyers (D-Mich.)  unsuccessfully fought for race-specific language to be kept in a final draft of the act when it was being reauthorized.

Traditionally, smaller domestic violence organizations have had greater success helping women of color, says Rita Smith, Executive Director of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

“Reports from these local communities to their national representatives have made it clear for some time that victims who are Latino, African American, Asian and Native American have not been served adequately by mainstream programs. For some communities it is important to establish services that address the cultural, spiritual, or immigration status needs of victims, and while some mainstream programs attempt to respond to those needs, they are not universally addressing them in sufficient numbers.”

Rep. Hilda Solis (D-Calif.) agrees, but says she’s often been in domestic violence sessions with mostly black women where, despite her years of experience with women of color, she was forced to take a back seat to a young white women who perhaps held a graduate degree in the field, but still couldn’t relate to the victims culturally or emotionally.

“By addressing domestic violence in these communities in a way that understands their culture and honors their values, we greatly increase the chances of making a difference for women of color who are being abused,” she said.

The advocates are calling for black women to write and call their congressmen to support the reauthorization of VAWA, but they note that black women often get hung up on one point of their proposed language that includes encouraging and educating black men in particular about domestic and sexual violence.

Kereen Odate, Acting Director at the Center for Women’s Development at Medgar Evers College in New York, says black women often fear they are “vilifying the black man” if they discuss such issues.

In leiu of the alarming rate of abuse black women have been subjected to, Tanis says it’s time for us to get over that hump. “Its critical, whether or not we feel comfortable talking and doing something about it.”

Are you surprised by the large number of black girls who have been abused by the age of 18? Do you think speaking out against sexual and domestic abuse vilifies black men?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.