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You’re a successful, accomplished, attractive, stylish black woman. Yet, you have major man problems. Are economics to blame?

According to ThyBlackMan.com, financial status — or the disparity between men and women in that status — could very well be the issue. While some men are cool with a woman who’s climbing the ladder and taking home a bigger paycheck in the process, there are other men who simply can’t take it.

“It’s mainly because of how we have been socialized to see ourselves as providers,” the site says to its male readers.  ”We’ve been stripped of that role in a sense, not because women insist on being breadwinners, but because, in most cases, they didn’t have a choice!”

So, the article says, while ego is the problem for some men, for others, it comes back to bigger societal issues like the education gap (black women are getting college degrees at a higher rate than black men) and jobs (“We tend to be the first fired and the last hired; overall, American employers shy away from hiring black men”). Because the gender roles have changed, the relationship between black men and women, in general, has changed.

The question is: Where do we go from here? While ego can be a good thing in moderation, driving us to be better people, we can’t let it dictate how we operate in full. And, certainly, women aren’t going to slow down, nor should they be expected to. ThyBackMan suggests that we need to take another look at what we need and what we get from our romantic relationships. It’s not just about money. It’s about the various physical and emotional comforts men and women get from one another. And men need to realize that women have it hard out there too. One need only read some of the stories on Madame Noire about women in the workplace and at universities to know that there are continued struggles on both sides.

“[W]e need as black men to realize that – politics aside – our women do indeed need us, just like we need them,” the author says.

What do you think of this analysis of the tension between black men and women?

This week, The Luv Coach helps a reader define her boundaries between her male best friend — and his jealous girlfriend. Read on and weigh in with comments below.

Dear Luv Coach,

I’ve been best friends with this guy for years. But (there’s always a but) every time he has a girlfriend he disappears! When we were first starting to become friends his girlfriend got jealous and called me because apparently he mentioned me too much. I felt bad for her because she sounded sad so I assured her I never wanted him. He’s like my big brother. She never jumped boosie over the phone. I got mad at him for giving this other girl I didn’t know my number. So while in class the next day she starts texting me crazy. My first response was “I’m in class.” Then came the B word. I hold my temper a lot but I do not respond kindly to not being called by my birth name. So she got cursed out and I said some things about her insecurities. Ever since then we’ll talk once in a while then he’ll disappear. Should I stay his friend or spare the drama?

-Dkendra

What’s up young lady. You may not know who I am but I know who you are very well. You see, I see your potential; I envision you accomplishing all of your goals and dreams. Anything that you set your mind to can and will be yours if you just Believe!

Believe in what you may ask? Yourself! Believe that you are the intellect that has governed civilizations for century upon century. Believe that you are the standard of beauty and not the images the media shells out to you. Believe that there is no task too big or too small that you cannot reach for and achieve.

Realize young lady that women have always been at the helm of everything great. James Brown said it best, “this is a man’s world, but it wouldn’t be nothing without a woman or a girl”. You have so many big sisters to look up to, so many sources of inspiration that have provided the framework of the strong work ethic known as womanhood.

Notice I call you young lady for these terms that I hear you referred to are not your names. You are a Queen who must demand respect; your mere presence should command it. You must first respect yourself however, and respect your fellow sisters as well. Together you young ladies make up the future table of leadership.

God made you to be special; he made you to stand apart from the crowd. So fear not if you feel isolated or alone, look back to your big sisters who have changed the landscape of history, they too once felt alone. I write you this letter to show my admiration for you, to pay homage to the beautiful gift that the creator is bestowing upon us. Follow your dreams and believe in your path young lady, for the very thought of you reaching a tenth of your potential is an inspiration to us all!

Yours truly,
Cedric D. Shine (your #1 fan)

What exactly do you look for in a man?  Do you simply look at external aesthetics- that is, a chiseled chest, bulging biceps and triceps, great smile, etc?  Or, do you place more emphasis on character?   When external aesthetics fade away with the brevity of time, it is a man’s character that will sustain a healthy, long-term relationship.

If you are in a relationship, it is important to spend some time to discern whether your man has good character before progressing to a one-flesh union.  Although the following list is not all-inclusive, it does represent some of the important character traits that women should look for in a prospective spouse:

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What is the measure of a Black woman? How do we define ourselves? What is the makeup of our femininity?

Black women come from a history few other groups of women could even imagine. Years of enslavement, belittlement and defamation have molded Black women into the people we are today—a group of strong, independent women at the forefront of our community. We have and continue to excel academically and professionally, using education and ambition to overcome the disadvantages of being a minority and woman. Evaluating our oppressive history and where we are today, one could say (in comparison to other women) we are 20 years ahead.

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