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Whether you’re in a relationship, or just not into dating right now, odds are your single girlfriends are still into dating. And when you go out with them, you should help to create an inviting, fun environment for guys to come in and chat up your friends. That’s part of the girl code: you put in the effort to keep energy and hopes high for the single girls in the group, no matter where your head and heart are. It doesn’t matter if you have a man waiting at home, or even if you sort of hate men right now. If you wanted to be a downer, you should have stayed home. But you’re out now! So follow the following codes:

So it’s the most important time of your life. Maybe you just got engaged and you’re going through hell and high water to plan an amazing wedding. Or maybe you’re past that and you’re becoming a mother for the first time. Maybe you finally got the job of your dreams! And while these are all usually times to jump for joy, when one of your best friends is acting like somebody stole something from her, it can be an extremely stressful time instead. That’s not to say that your BFF isn’t excited for you deep down inside, but for one reason or another, she’s not feeling that things are finally falling into place for you. If you’ve been wondering whether or not this is your girlfriend, here are a few signs that she’s igging this new milestone in your life, rather than digging it and being supportive.

PS, this can also describe a few family members…

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From Hello Beautiful

Recently, I had to come to grips with the fact that the once 13-year friendship/sisterhood between a childhood friend and me is no longer existent. There’s a bitter tension stemming from only God knows where and why. I first noticed the separation when we went to different colleges.

Admittedly, I was one busy bee in undergrad. In addition to all the step shows, Greek parties and games that come along with HBCU life, I also had an internship every year, worked a part-time job, was initiated into my Sorority and senior year I reigned as the University queen. My days were full and it definitely took away from the time that I could chat for hours with old friends. But like all of my other friends, who too were in college, I just expected her to understand undergrad life. Whenever we did get around to conversing, I thought we’d be able to just pick up where we left off, like close girlfriends do. And for a while we did, but not for long.

Read more at Hello Beautiful

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Source: delachef.blogspot.com

“You’re wearing that?”

“She looks crazy in that outfit. Don’t she have mirrors?”

“Why does she walk like that?”

“Hmph… she’s soooo ugly, what does he see in her?”

Preface and/or follow these acidic remarks with extreme eye-rolling, sucking of the teeth and sometimes hours of people-bashing and you have a poisonous landfill of negativity brought to you by one of my former best friends. We’ve all had a toxic gal pal. Rude. Judgmental. Always talking down to others under the guise of wanting to “help,” yet totally oblivious to the mangled mess that is their own life. They have an opinion about EVERYTHING. They even have an opinion about opinions. Nothing good to say. And some days if we knew no charges could be filed we’ve all wanted to take a bat and Barry Bonds the ever-loving snot out of them and accompany it with a maniacal, “SHUT THE [your choice expletive] UP!”

At first, in my mind, that was just her personality. She was the big mouth of our circle. And didn’t every circle have one? I would be hypocritical if I fronted like I never joined in. Why did I take part in the gossip? I don’t have a solid answer; just a mashup of inexcusable but honest reasons: It made me feel better about myself; I truly didn’t like some of the people we discussed; there wasn’t much else to do sometimes. Lame? Yes. But 100 percent honest nonetheless.

I had my ‘Aha!’ moment one day when it dawned on me that we had been talking about (aka, tearing apart) the SAME girl for a little over THREE hours. Annoyed didn’t even scrape the surface of how I felt. I said, “Well dang, y’all! Can we talk about something else? That girl is going on about her business and we’re sitting, doing nothing but talking bad about her.”

The initial shock of my outburst rolled out waves of silencing guilt to everyone in the room. Everyone except who? My brazen bestie. She continued like I never said a word and pretty soon everyone else joined back in. I complained of fatigue and left to spend a few hours alone thinking about it all. I decided that enough was enough. I was absolutely finished with the bad-mouthing round tables. No one was helped and nothing was solved by them. All we were doing was trying to elevate ourselves at someone else’s expense, stupidly following the ringleader – my best friend and her big mouth.

From that day until the subsequent demise of our friendship some six months later, I made it my mission to shoot down every negative opinion/insult she hurled out, especially when the person on the receiving end did nothing to deserve such treatment. I started complimenting everyone and calling my bestie out on her behavior. She made excuses. Typical. And I made other friends. *Shrugs nonchalantly*

She didn’t like my newfound independence so we drifted further apart, but inwardly I cheered like a death row inmate getting a pardon call from the president. I was free, not constantly being dragged down by her storm of female-bashing. It was to the point that others hated ME because I was friends with HER. I was tired of enduring her big mouth to keep from hurting her feelings. I was tired of making excuses like, “Well, she really is a good-hearted person once you get to know her.” But I was more sick of her than anyone else, so it was a relief and an almost instantaneous drop in my blood pressure when our friendship disintegrated.

I haven’t looked back in regret. It was absolutely draining trying to keep a perpetually negative friend happy. It was an uphill battle I was undoubtedly going to lose. Why? Because there was something about herself that she hated, couldn’t forgive, was insecure about, etc. It was an internal struggle that wouldn’t end until she found the courage to self-evaluate and CHANGE. It’s easy to project negativity to others but it takes a huge measure of humility and strength to take a look in the mirror. Whatever is in you is what comes out. That’s the same for negativity and positivity alike; a lesson I learned the hard way.

Allowing that one big-mouthed friend to spew negativity is the worst thing you can do because not only will the negativity spread, but you’re also enabling her behavior and actually proving to be a horrible friend just like I was. True friends lift each other to meet and operate according to their higher nature and standards. They don’t go along with basic behavior for the sake of sparing feelings, and sit back and watch them hurt others for a quick chuckle.

Now, all these years later, I’ve been blessed with some true, positive, straight-shooting girlfriends. Are we perfect? Absolutely not, but we refuse to allow negativity to dwell among us and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am, we each are, a better friend and woman because of it.

La Truly is a late-blooming Aries with Natural hair and lots to say. Her writing is powered by a lifetime of anecdotal proof that awkward can transform to awesome and fear can cast its crown before courage. Armed with the ability to purposefully poke fun at herself and a passion for young women’s empowerment, La seeks to encourage thought, discussion and positive change. Check out her thoughts/jokes/rants on Twitter: @AshleyLaTruly.

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essence.com

It’s usually around high school when we begin to learn how rare a true friend is. Good friends are like a bomb pair of designer shoes, the ones that are actually comfortable and are marked down at a ridiculously low price. They’re hard to come by and when you do happen to come across a pair, you cherish them because you are well aware of their value. A good girlfriend can act as the sister you’ve never had, the therapist you can’t afford, and provide the encouragement that you need when the going gets tough. Sadly, many beautiful friendships end for trivial and foolish reasons. I know the saying goes, some people enter your life for a reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime, but what if you’re allowing a lifetime friend to walk away over something petty? Check out some of the common reasons friendships end below and maybe you’ll decide that it’s time for you and your BFF to kiss and make up.

vibe.com

Social Network Squabbles

The infamous subliminal Facebook statuses and misunderstood tweets have been like a cancer to friendships everywhere since about 2005. I remember watching in amazement last summer as I witnessed the original Twitter “beef” breakout on my timeline between “Basketball Wives” stars and besties Jennifer Williams and Evelyn Lozada. I then began to reflect on my own life and my friends. I could count at least five of them who had fallen out over ridiculous social networking wars that originated over something being said that may or may not have even been about them. Are you really beefing over what you saw someone Tweet?? Come on ladies, think about how foolish you’d feel if you allowed yourself to lose a friend a few years back over Myspace. No one even visits that site anymore!

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Men 

*Sighs* Men are one of the leading causes of ruined friendships between women in America. Seriously though, this is such a common reason that great friendships fall apart. No, I would not suggest making up with a friend who vindictively slept with your man, that’s just trifling. And how could you trust them again? I would, however, suggest that you try to make amends with the friend who may have gotten a little caught up in her new relationship and may be unintentionally neglecting your friendship. I mean, we’ve all been there at one point or another. Express to her how you feel and try to work through it! Then, there’s the scenario where a rift can appear between friends when they realize that they’ve both been eying the same guy. This is not grounds to end a friendship. Two mature women will foresee the disaster which lies ahead and both agree to leave him alone. Sisters before misters, right? Chicks before … um, you get the point.

Who said that breaking up with a boyfriend or husband is the only tough breakup your heart will have to deal with? Anybody who has had to separate themselves from someone they used to consider another family member knows that the grieving process after the end of a lengthy friendship isn’t easy. But at some point, like with all break-ups, you have to learn and move on. It will take some time, but in the end, you should try and achieve the following in the process.

1. Think Back And See If You Did Everything You Could To Work Things Out

Most people feel conflicted about the break-up of a friendship with their best friend if they leave on messy terms. Was she mad at you about something you didn’t know about? Were her issues or your reasons for feeling a certain way vague? If you know that both parties were never really on the same page about why they were mad, you might want to try and seek full closure with that friend. Especially if you can’t seem to stop talking about it with anyone who will listen.

But if you know that you tried to reach out to this friend and be as understanding as possible and they still weren’t happy, then you have to let it go. Same goes for when a friend betrays you. If you know that what this person did was something you won’t be able to get over (and will bring up constantly) or they broke the trust in your friendship, your reasons are pretty justified in parting ways. But if feelings of regret come up, it’s never too late to reach out. Things might not be the same later on, but if you know you want that person in your life in some capacity, put the pride aside.

From HelloBeautiful.com

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When it comes to the best friend’s ex there are two rules:

1) Never hook up with them

2) Only date them.

Our dating experts discuss whether it’s ever okay to date your BFF’s ex.

For the juicy takes on he said/she said, visit HelloBeautiful.com.

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A single celebrity inspires legions of fans and paparazzi to follow their every move. But the only thing better than spotting a celeb is catching a pair. Whether out shopping, out for a night on the town or frolicking on the beach, everyone wants a window into the friendships of the rich and famous–especially when they have a falling out. One week, tabloids are flashing happy-go-lucky celeb pal pictures and the next, they’re dishing out scoops of he said-she said. And when the Bromance/Womance ends, things can start to get really real in the drama department. Check it out:

You hear so much about what’s acceptable to deal with in a relationship with a man, but sometimes a sista needs that same wake up call when it comes to her relationship with her friends. As in most relationships, people get comfortable and start treating people any old way, and when they do, you have to do something about it. But what’s tolerable and what things are you overreacting about? The situations discussed in this post could warrant the dismissal of a friendship, but they can also foster a good conversation that could help it improve and grow. If all your girlfriends are your ace boons for life in your mind and they do no wrong, then kudos! But if Tenisha that you’ve known from down the block since 5th grade is acting up too much (and it happens all the time to longtime friends), then this one’s for you.