All Articles Tagged "being single"
As a single person, you’ll sometimes be roped into going to events your couple friends are throwing. “It’ll be fun!” they say. “You’ll meet some interesting people!” they say. What they forget is that what you could be doing with your Saturday night is going to a bar full of other single people. Oh well. You still have to be polite and concede sometimes. But at least learn to make the best of it!
Nobody doubts that you love your man. Nobody doubts that you appreciate having a partner-for-all-activities. And certainly nobody doubts you enjoy having a guaranteed ride to the airport. Even still, everybody misses these aspects of being single sometimes.
It’s a Friday night. Your girlfriends all have date nights planned with their boyfriends. They’re going to dinner, the movies or staying in and spending time together. And you? You’re alone and it doesn’t take long for you to wonder why.
Well, the answer isn’t as simple as you may think. In some cases, it’s simpler than in others. Here are some of the most common reasons why a woman doesn’t have that special man in her life:
1. Your standards are too high. It’s great to have high standards. No woman should sell herself short and then be stuck in a situation she regrets. There is such a thing, however, as having standards that are too high.
What’s the difference, you ask? Well, normal standards are something like this: “I want him to respect me, treat me right and be honest and decent.” Too-high standards look like this: “He better drive a Lexus and have a job making six figures.”
It’s good to have expectations but ultimately, whether or not he’s a high earner isn’t going to bring you happiness or a stable relationship. Also, don’t let your standards get in the way of a good guy. Sometimes, women will pass on a man, believing they can do better, only to settle with a lesser someone years later.
2. Negativity is your middle name. Do you need to win every argument? Are you confrontational or super defensive? Do you never give compliments, are always negative or can’t be pleased? If so, this might be something to look at.
Believe it or not, there are certain personality traits that will turn men off, no matter how gorgeous a woman is. If you always walk into a relationship like nothing he does is good enough, he will not stick around. And if, when you first meet a man, you’re not willing to engage him in conversation about his interests, he will also not stick around.
Don’t be combative or hostile and don’t let one thing he says turn you off to him completely. Open up a little more and don’t stress. Men who see women as unfairly and overly negative usually head for the door.
Read the rest at YourTango
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock
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In honor of National Singles Week, I’d like to throw this out there: Being unattached has some serious perks. My friends and I are all in our early 20s, so we’re at varying relationship stages. Some are engaged, some (like myself) are in long-term relationships, some are playing the field and others are living (and loving) the single life.
And man, sometimes I just get jealous of the single ones.
I haven’t been paired up for too long; my boyfriend and I are learning new things about one another every day. And though I’m very happy in my relationship (thank you very much!) I was plenty happy when I was single, too, and there are many things I miss. Here’s a list that should aptly be titled “My boyfriend might break up with me after reading this.”
1. Flirting. Or, more specifically, flirting without shame or regret.
2. The chase. The biggest chase that will happen in a relationship is likely when your boyfriend steals the remote during an ABC Family screening of The Notebook.
3. The remote control. Speaking of the remote. Honey, I love you, but I don’t want to watch footballall of the time.
Read more at: yourtango.com
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Are single people selfish in nature?
More particularly do single people, who live alone, detract away from the greater good of society? According to Benjamin Schwartz, writer for The August issue of the American Interest, they do. In his column called Selfishness as a Virtue, Schwartz says that the more than 31 million Americans, who are single and live alone, are squandering the tradition of moral reasoning this country was built upon just for selfish pursuits of individualism.
Taking particular shots at Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone by Eric Klinenberg, a book that champions the virtues of singlehood, Schwartz writes, “Individuals don’t transfer values from one generation to the next. Individuals are biologically incapable of producing a next generation except in the crudest possible sense of the term. Socialization—the process through which a person internalizes what is good and bad, meaningful and meaningless—is shaped by one’s relatives, the friends and associates who surround a person, and typically a canon of texts that is revered and consulted for guidance. The values of expressive individualism guarantee that the values of future generations will be more or less up for grabs for the simple reason that expressive individualists have a difficult time replicating (the demographic data don’t lie) and an even more difficult time socializing a child. ”
I haven’t read the book Going Solo however I am very familiar with the stigma attached to those who choose to create a habitat of one, especially if you are a woman of a certain age. Single people are supposed to be selfish and lonely and miserable. Your life is a tale of tragedy usually reserved as an example of what not to become. At best you are immature, caught up in a perpetual arrested development, which won’t allow you to face real adulthood. And at the most, you are eccentric weirdo, who is only 12 felines away from being the cat-lady. And now thanks to Schwartz, we can add immoral, valueless sycophants to the list. No way can individuals, living individually, work towards the greater good of society. We are all too caught up in our demands for privacy and single serving packages of meat (seriously, can they get around to making that) to actually want to share any redeeming values, worth sharing with the next generation.
Can single people be self-interested at times? Sure. I used to think that the older I got, the more set in my ways I had become. Now I’m starting to think that it is living alone has more to do with my desire to maintain my blissful habitats and the comfort I created in my own life’s routine. I have a two to three hour window of tolerance for company of others because being around people requires a lot of energy and patience. It’s nothing that they are doing wrong – per say. But let’s face it: Isn’t everyone annoying to a certain extent? Including me.
But does my appreciation of “space” and “privacy” mean that I value selfishness? I think not. I don’t just give to charity, I actually volunteer time in the community, helping neighbors and pitching in wherever I can. I am a mentor to a high school, college bound senior and I am also involved in the lives of my little nephews and niece. I not only spend time with my family; but I am more likely to offer support, financial and physical, to my extended family than my brother, who is married with children (no disrespect to him). In fact, my single status has afforded me more time for sharing and caring, as opposed to doing it out of obligation, which tends to be the case for those who are married or with children.
And this is not just my experience. A recent national survey suggest that single people are more likely to visit, support, contact, and advise their siblings and parents than married or even previously married people. And according to an article in Science 2.0, research in Portugal and Belgium, has concluded that better societies are best formed when individuals are free to act as they wish, as individuals, as opposed to acting in more restrictive social and political dogmas.
I have met many single folks who have packed up their lives on a whim to go off to some far away land for volunteer work through some overseas aid organization. More domestically, we can’t forget about the single folks, who work extra hours at the company while the married folks are off on maternity leave, tending to doctor visits and parent/teacher conferences and jetting off for family emergencies. Without the selfless sacrifices of single people, much of the vital work needed to maintain the ‘greater good’ wouldn’t get done.
Yes it is true that human beings are naturally pack-like creatures. Married people tend to suffer less mental illness and are in better physical health. However, for a growing number of folks, marrying and having kids is not their definition of the good life. And being forced to co-habitat and procreate can have a bigger impact on your health than just remaining a household of one.
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Being single seems like the plague to some women. It’s like a disease that is searching for a cure. Normally, that cure is in the form of a man. But sometimes being single is better than being in a relationship. I know it may seem farfetched to some, but hear me out. After some time, I can say that I have recently found joy in my single status.
I haven’t given up on love and hope that a man, marriage, and a family will come, but I have decided that there are just some things that aren’t worth me handing in my single-girl card for. Nope. Not just yet.
Of course a cheating man is one of those things. And most women, besides the ones on any VH1 reality show, would agree; but I’m referring to the things that are a bit more subtle and less scandalous than my man tipping out on me. These things, although they seem small, make for a bad relationship that usually leave me feeling as if the single life is more attractive.
Within the last two years, I have had a couple of opportunities to be in a relationship; and while they were initially tempting offers I quickly…and sometimes not so quickly…realized that being single was definitely the better option.
Without a bit of hesitation, I can easily say that I would rather be single than be in a relationship that lacks trust. Trust issues, like communication problems, are usually at the root of most troubled relationships. It’s really simple, without trust you have no relationship.
We all know this, but often neglect the notion because we want love; but I’ve learned firsthand that no amount of love can resuscitate a relationship that has been killed by the lack of trust. Being single is much better than dealing with a man I don’t trust or one that doesn’t trust me. It’s a headache that single girls have the luxury of not dealing with.
The lack of trust is something that most would say makes for an unhealthy relationship, but there are other things that often go unnoticed that make a relationship just as bad. One of these things is allowing one or both parties to get too comfortable. I would rather be single than be in a relationship that’s just comfortable.
‘Surviving is not enough’ is one of my mottos in life. To live just to say you’re surviving is not living. I want more. And the same is applicable in relationships. I would prefer being single than being in a relationship that’s just holding on by the threads of comfort. Same routine. Small talk. No excitement. Just comfort. No thanks! Being single is more exciting and less mundane than sticking around in a comfortable relationship.
I would rather be single than be in a relationship that requires me to make compromises that jeopardize my dreams or go against my beliefs. Some men require a lot, others require too much, and some are just unrealistic with their requirements. I’ve dated men who say they support me and my endeavors, however, they only support me when those endeavors don’t interfere with their time. If a relationship requires me to neglect goals simply to satisfy a man, I’d rather be single until I find someone on the same page.
My I’d-rather-be-single list isn’t a ‘fake-me out’ attempt to enjoy the single life or a cover-up of “I-Can’t-Get-A-Man-Syndrome.” Honestly, being single is sometimes more appealing than being in some relationships. I have experienced the nuisances that unhealthy relationships can bring and found that being single has actually been the cure.
I am also the first to admit that most people, especially women, want to be in a relationship at some point in their lives. As people, ultimately, we all need love, and yes, it’s a wonderful thing. But here’s the thing: love is wonderful when it’s the right kind of love, and even then, something so wonderful can become hurtful and draining when it’s not right or based on the right things. Therefore, why put yourself through the ringer to tell be coupled up? Being single, at least until you find the right kind of man and the right kind of respect and love, is much better than being in a relationship when it’s wrong.
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Here’s a pill that’s hard to swallow: the way things are in your love life is exactly the way you like them to be. Sure, you say you’re not happy being single. And maybe you’re not happy, but you’re comfortable. You’re not facing any of your fears or leaving your comfort zone—two things you would have to do to find a relationship. And, the typical human being tends to prefer what they know—even if they don’t necessarily like it—than the unknown, even if that may come with more pleasure. Here are 8 things and thoughts that may be limiting your chances at a soul connection.
Dear Single Sistahs,
I am writing this letter to my Single Sistas who desperately desire a relationship, to those whose biological clocks are ticking, to those who are at the end of a relationship, to those who feel as though they will always be a bridesmaid and never a bride, to those who are currently playing the dating game, on a hiatus from it or have simply retired from it, to those who are moving out and moving on, to those who fear being alone, to those who are settling for less, to those who are divorced and refuse to open their hearts, and finally to those who have lost a love, and feel as though they can never love again.
I write this letter to each and every one of my Single Sistas to encourage and lift your hearts, minds and spirits to let you know that being single is not a curse; but it is a celebration of a season often short-lived and over looked by seeking out a relationship. As I write this letter to all of you I want to let you know that this time of singleness that you have is a gift that should not be taken lightly. Your season of singleness has a distinct purpose, and it is not to seek a relationship with the immediate hopes of marriage, but it is to build a profound, individual and distinct relationship with your Creator and yourself. This is the time in your life where you can discover who you are, why you were created, and what you should be doing at this particular time in your life.
Being single is a valuable journey in life we often take for granted because we have often been led to believe that if we are not in a promising relationship, engaged or married by a certain age then something must be mentally, physically or emotionally wrong with us and our value as an individual seems to decrease.
However, what many people fail to realize is that being single is a part of life that should be celebrated and honored as much as marriage. This stage in life should be celebrated as much as marriage because this is the time of life where the knowledge of who you are as an individual grows daily. This is the time where you find out who you truly are and stand firm on that knowledge so when the time comes for a relationship you will remain who you are and not morph into who someone else wants you to be.
I know it gets hard sometimes when we see couples holding hands, walking, and out on dates; and I know it is particularly hard when a friend or family member gets engaged and asks you to play a part in their wedding festivities! I also know it’s hard when we see a woman who is not half the woman we (you) are with not only a fine man, but a good one! Hell, it’s even hard to see Facebook and Twitter posts about someone recently engaged to be married! I know all of these things are difficult because as I write this letter to all of my Single Sistas, I am writing it to myself as well.
by Meggin Sanez
You know it’s wedding season when you can’t bear the thought of opening your mailbox because of the plethora of invitations to various bridal showers, lingerie showers and couples showers (the list goes on) that do nothing but serve as a chilling reminder of your single status. And need I even mention the debilitating fear of logging into Facebook and having your mini-feed bombarded with pictures of dazzling rings along with black and white stills of your friends donning full bridal garb in windblown fields at sunset? It kinda goes without saying that all of this can be a bit depressing when you can’t even get a man to commit to a cup of coffee with you, let alone a lifetime of wedded bliss.
I’ve been there. And as a single girl who has been single long enough to make becoming either a lesbian or a nun look like better options than retiring alone with 80 cats in a house that the neighborhood children run past on their way home from school, I feel your pain. But just because everyone around you seems to be getting married and settling down doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world because you aren’t. I may not have found my prince charming yet, but I have taken notes along the rose petal covered paths of others. To get more specific on my findings, here are a few things I’ve learned whilst wearing the title of bridesmaid:
Lesson #1: Being jealous gets you nowhere. If your attitude matches the exact same disgusting shade of the kelly-green chiffon bridesmaid dress you are being forced to wear on a friend’s (well maybe ‘friend’ is too kind a moniker for a person making you wear such a monstrosity) big day, you are sure to look worse than you originally thought—as it turns out, jealousy is a look worn well by no one. I’ve attended too many weddings to count minus a plus one…and I’ll be the first to tell you that it can be tough to kick back and watch as swarms of happy couples dance around you. But one thing I’ve learned is that being jealous does you no good. It is just downright exhausting to throw yourself a pity party when you could actually be partying at the reception. As corny as it may sound, positivity is one of the most attractive things about someone. So why waste a perfectly good opportunity to enjoy your favorite cocktails and delicious cake on someone else’s dime? Put a smile on that pretty face and you never know…you may just catch the bouquet…and maybe even a cute single groomsman!
Many outside influences put pressure on women to find a man and settle down. However, many women looking for a spouse find themselves alone and unhappy. But why, you’re a great catch? It may in fact be that the way we project ourselves on the outside, doesn’t match with our inward desire to be loved and accepted by a man. As reported on Oprah, CNN, ABC News, and the Washington Post, 70% of Black women are single, and 42% are unmarried. Of course some women desire to be single, and good for them, but for the rest of you, what could the problem be? It’s most likely something you are completely unaware of. Take a look at the top 7 reasons you might be alone and how you can adjust your life to make room for a great relationship.