Source: CBS

Like many others, we watched Amanda Bynes appear in court this morning, tugging on her Halloweenish wig before she was whisked off to a psych ward. Immediately, the office, my co workers and I, started playing psychologist, talking about what could be going on with her, the child star we’d grown up watching on television. A couple of us were certain that what Amanda is going through right now is probably something mental. After all, Amanda Bynes had a very successful career back in the ‘90’s and was able to keep her composure for over a decade afterward.  Something had to have happened. My coworker and I speculated that Amanda was suffering from some type of mental illness.

But one of my coworkers couldn’t be certain. She questioned us, how do we know it’s mental illness? Aside from her family saying that she was bipolar and had stopped taking her medication, what evidence was there that she had suffered from some type of mental dysfunction.

I argued that the type of behavior she’s been exhibiting is consistent with someone whose thinking is off.

Then my co worker brought up a good point asking, if behavior like Amanda’s is due to a mental illness, how are we supposed to hold people accountable for their actions?

I argued that just because someone has a mental illness, doesn’t necessarily mean that’s carte blanche to behave any type of way. Somehow Chris Brown’s name came up in the situation and I said that based on the evidence in the way he attacked her, biting, punching, all while maintaining control of the car, blacked out in a rage, shows that he was out of his mind. Another co worker argued that because Chris had grown up seeing his mother being abused, his conditioning led him to believe that type of behavior was acceptable. I still say believing that behavior is appropriate is a form of mental illness. Not being able to control your anger is a mild form of mental illness.

And I don’t mean that because his mental state was altered, that he deserved to get off scott free.

Essentially, I was trying to argue that mental illness is not as uncommon or “other” like the media would make it seem. Any one of us could snap at any moment. Our brains our constantly receiving signals, reacting to hormones and processing information that will ultimately affect our behavior. An altered mental state doesn’t mean that we’re going to live in that state permanently. There are varying degrees of mental instability. And while someone who is depressed or schizophrenic or suffering from some form of dementia shouldn’t necessarily be held accountable for their actions, there are altered states of mind that we can control and should subsequently be willing to suffer the consequences.

But that’s just my opinion. The truth is the mind is still such a mystery that it’s all just theory at this point.

What does mental illness mean to you? When is it appropriate to hold someone responsible for their actions despite mental instability?

A part of me is so happy to see 2012 leave, as long as it’s taking the “ChriannaRueche” love triangle,  Joseline Hernandez, the Romney family and the Twilight series franchise with it.  But seriously, something about 2012 made me completely disgusted with how African-American women are portrayed and more importantly what we prioritize.  This was the year of the booty shot fails, the stripper/sideline chick/baby mama, and the ratchet.  Sadly, it makes me wonder when we stopped wanting more for ourselves.  It’s like I looked up and one of the best things we had going for us was the cast and crew behind Scandal. Is that all we’ve got?  So not just for 2013, but starting right now, I propose our resolution be to stop engaging in the following ratchet behaviors:

1.  Knowing more about Basketball Wives than Obamacare.

If you can recite the names of all the characters on Basketball Wives, but can’t tell me any of the changes the Affordable Care Act made to U.S. health insurance, I’m going to need you to turn to CNN for at least five minutes a day.  When you become of age to vote, it’s definitely time to know how the economy, politics and world issues directly affect you.  You don’t have to break down the details of the fiscal cliff, but your knowledge of current events and economy should go beyond what you can write off come tax season.

Image: Thinkstock

It’s tough to say “no” to your boss. But sometimes it’s necessary. Of course, you should usually try to accommodate the needs of your manager, but at other times it is actually more appropriate to refuse, says Susan Wilson Solovic, author of It’s Your Biz and CEO/co-founder of SBTV.com, small business TV network available on the Web. Why say no?  Because it is important to set boundaries — even with your boss.

“You should always say no to your boss when he or she is asking you to do something illegal or unethical. Otherwise, it’s difficult to refuse to do what your boss asks you to do. You may not always agree with the course of action he/she is taking, but that doesn’t give you the latitude to outright refuse to do the work,” Solovic tells us.

It is also okay to turn down an unreasonable request. Imagine your boss asks you to finish a report in too short a period of time. In order to do a good job at the task at hand, you will need to tell your boss you can’t meet his deadline. But explain your reasons and ask for more time, advises MSN Careers.

“Bosses like people who disagree with them because many feel as though a healthy debate is a good way to come to the best conclusion,” Solovic points out. “But the boss is the captain of the ship and once his/her decision has been made, saying no may be viewed as insubordination and could ultimately cost you your job. So it’s important to understand when the line has been drawn in the sand. Choose your battles wisely.”

Keep calm when saying no. “It’s important (and wise) not to get emotional or angry,” suggests Solovic.

The best way to say no to your boss, according to Solovic:

1)    Against the law: If your boss is asking you to do something you believe is illegal or unethical, then you must be confident enough to explain your reasoning. Back up your position with factual information such as an employee handbook or a copy of a particular law. Under the circumstances, you should inform him/her that you plan to report the request.

2)    Impossible overtime: If you boss asks to you to come in over the weekend to finish a project but your daughter is playing in her first regional volleyball tournament, then explain your situation and offer to stay late the following week to ensure the work is completed.

3)    Above your pay grade: Sometimes you can say no to your boss when you feel the work is out of the scope of your responsibilities and expertise. Once again, make sure you are prepared to completely explain your rationale. You don’t want to be viewed as someone who isn’t a team player.

Image: Bossip.com

At the workplace, unbeknownst to their coworkers, many black women are holding down a second job editing themselves. Whether it’s passing up fried chicken for lunch or feigning ignorance when the conversation turns to Love & Hip Hop, we tend to feel the need to adjust our behavior for mixed company. It’s a practice dating back to W.E.B. Du Bois’ concept of “double consciousness,” a “sense of always looking at one’s self through the eyes of others.” As an upwardly-mobile people, we take great care not to reinforce stereotypes others have of us. Maybe it’s time we let them see the real deal.

I’m guilty of feigning a disability or two for the cause. I’ve pretended I was deaf to spare my co-worker the horror her remark mistaking Kelly Rowland for a member of TLC. I’ve improvised a bout of dementia to forget my manager fingering my waist length braids and asking if they were my real hair (I had a bob the day before). The tales of black women on their best behavior are plentiful and, at times, comedic enough to fill a Web series on the topic.

We work hard to play against the stereotype of the “angry black woman,” but to what end? A recent study found that black women are expected to be pushier at work and receive higher approval ratings when they are assertive. This is in stark contrast to the results for white women and black men, who receive backlash when they exhibit aggressive behavior.

The nice girl act isn’t exactly what our employers and co-workers are looking for. So, should we all walk in the office doing our best Oprah does Ms. Sophia impression? Those can’t be the only options for success. It’s about time black women break the cardinal rule of being black in the workplace – be yourself.

Ebony.com

I can’t imagine how the parents of one of the many victims of Jerry Sandusky’s years and years of abuse must feel.  I swear I’d be in cuffs myself, because I don’t know if I’d be capable of thinking rationally after finding out anyone, let alone someone I once felt I could trust, had violated my child in such a way.

When those parents of underprivileged kids allowed their children to participate in the activities through Sandusky’s “The Second Mile” organization, like many parents I’m sure they saw it as an opportunity for their children to participate in something constructive that allowed them to stay safe from many of the dangers that are all too present in the inner-city.  They had no idea they were leaving their children with someone who may have had a more malicious impact than anything outside their door.  Molestation is so sinister because it devastates a child’s innocence and deprives them of their childhood. It’s so hard for children to make sense out of what love and intimacy truly are when an adult manipulates those feelings for their own pleasure early on.

Adult survivors of sexual abuse often experience feelings of guilt and shame.  Keeping a secret about the abuse is a heavy emotional burden that can manifest into physical symptoms from stress and anxiety.  The adult may grow to have an unhealthy outlook on sex and physical intimacy, and may find themselves engaging in promiscuity while questioning their own self-worth or a total detachment from sexual relationships altogether.

I cringe when I see the mom who allows the boyfriend she’s only been dating for two weeks to move in with her and her children.  It’s so important for parents to really take time to get to know the people who are in the lives of their children.  As much we teach children about “good touch vs. bad touch” and “stranger danger,” we have to remember we are sending our children out into a world with people who may mean to do them harm, and even scarier: People who don’t mean to do them harm because they believe sexual relations with a child is normal, most likely because they were once treated the same way.

Try to make yourself an approachable and proactive parent. Children need to feel comfortable being able to come to you knowing they can tell you about anything.  Predators use the weak relationships of uninvolved, unobservant parents against children who feel like they can’t come to their parents with information that might make them angry.  Even if you’re not angry at them, the child can feel that for some reason your frustration is their fault. Children should know your love for them is unconditional. Even if you’re a working parent pulling two jobs to put food on the table, make sure you’re constantly keeping an eye on your child’s behavior, so you’re aware of any changes that could signal something is wrong.  Sexual abuse may not always be to blame for changes in their normal pattern of behavior, but it does mean something is going on. Even if it means taking 20 minutes on the bus ride home or a call to grandma’s house to see how their day is going while you’re at work: TALK TO YOUR KIDS.

Pay attention if your child displays any of the following signs.  If you learn of any incident that is truly disturbing, make sure to keep your cool and proceed carefully so that your children aren’t more traumatized.  It’s easier said than done, but if you’re not around to protect your child, who will be?

In Pretty Woman, Richard Gere tried to school Julia Roberts on social graces and proper etiquette. Now, everyone isn’t going to be sent to charm school on the dime of a wealthy businessman, but there are basic manners that some people like to act like they don’t have. Here are seven of those bad habits that need to be stopped.

ontd.buzznet.com

Touching A Woman’s Hair

Women are one of the most versatile creatures on earth and hair is often an expression of that. However, many take that admiration a little too far when they reach out to touch that hair without a heads up or expressed permission. People’s hands roam in so many different places during the course of the day; a woman’s hair doesn’t need to carry those germs. The unsolicited reach and touch is also crossing the boundaries of personal space.

Source: Racialicious.com

Thanks to the never forgetting archive of YouTube, you can now watch a number of banned cartoons from the golden era of overt racism in America. According to Wikipedia, the cartoons are part of The Censored Eleven, which is a group of Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies cartoons that depicted black people in an offensive manner.

One of my favorites is “Coal Black and the Sebben Dwarfs,” a tongue and cheek take on Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, which features classic darkie minstrelsy by way of So White and Prince Chawmin, a big lipped, gold tooth, Cadillac driving, jive talking suitor. Despite the obvious Blackface, the cartoon was revered at its time for the incorporation of African-American-inspired jazz and swing music. Likewise, Bob Clampett, the creator of the cartoon short, has claimed that the cartoon was a homage to some jazz artists he once knew.  Some of the musicians were involved in the creation of the music and voices of the characters, even though they never received credit, and they concluded that there is nothing racist or disrespectful towards blacks in it. He attributes the controversy around his cartoon to a changing attitude towards black civil rights.

There is something to be said for how obtuse some folks are in regards to the idea that just because something is not offensive to you, that doesn’t mean that it is acceptable. Recently, Aston Kutcher, best known for punking celebs with stupid pranks and being the husband of Demi Moore, got in a little hot water for his eyebrow raising portrayal of an Indian. Kutcher appeared in an advert for Popchips where he donned ‘brown face’ makeup and put on a badly imitated accent (think Apoo from “The Simpsons”) to play a character named Raj, a 39-year-old Bollywood producer looking for love in a series of spoof dating videos.

Of course, the advert has drawn the ire of some in the Indian community, who deemed it racist. Others, like Anil Dash, didn’t call the company racist, but said they made a racist ad because, “they’re so steeped in our culture’s racism that they didn’t even realize they were doing it.”  In response, the advert has been dropped and Popchips CEO Keith Belling issued an apology, saying the following:

“Our team worked hard to create a light-hearted parody featuring a variety of characters that was meant to provide a few laughs. We did not intend to offend anyone. I take full responsibility and apologize to anyone we offended.”

Not sure what an Indian has to do with chips – in fact, I’m not even sure what Popchips are – but the fact that the Hollywood star saw fit to dress up in stereotypical garb and put on an Indian accent without even thinking, “Hmm, this might be a tad bit offensive” speaks volumes of how deep the pathology of stereotyping and “othering” goes.

Source: beatsandrants.com

It’s getting warmer outside, and with the change in weather comes a change in mood–folks want to be outside! But also with a change in weather comes a whole lot of ratchetness. From too little clothes to very aggressive men, when the weather takes a turn for the better, people act a hot a** mess. Keep your eye out for these things and people:

Source: southerncomfort.wordpress.com

Booty Alert

And this is applicable to both sexes. When it gets warm outside, everybody seems anxious to pull out their revealing pieces. Men wear dingy draws and wear their jeans around their thighs (instead of pulled up), and the minute it gets hot, women throw on leggings and little T-shirts. Just a reminder, unless you are a dancer, leggings are not meant to be real pants. Please throw on a tunic or flowing shirt and cover your butt. I’ll never forget when I spent time in Harlem with a friend last May and a woman wore shorts that literally had her butt cheeks out. Who thought it was a good idea to let her go out the house like that? I have no clue, but don’t let it happen to you.

Source: People.com

From the outside looking in, it looks like being the child of a celebrity has some pretty amazing perks. Your people have all these connections, you don’t have to worry about not being able to afford to go to school, and you can often buy what you want/need for that matter. Oh, the perks. But the way many of the children of celebrities act these days, snapping off on their parents online and embarrassing them, I guess it really isn’t all roses and sunshine. I’m sure you’ve already heard about Mike Epps’ daughter Bria releasing a recording of her father cursing her out, but she’s not the only one who has acted out and put her parent in the spotlight for the wrong reasons. Check these young adults (and some now older), out.