All Articles Tagged "bad date"
Is it just me, or does it feel like curving season out here?
I don’t think I’m asking for too much when I say I want to live in the middle of a Jill Scott love (and lust) song — thick, swaying hips, with a man even thicker who tastes like chilled brown liquor. Or in the middle of a movie Oprah has something to do with, starring a southern accented Sandra Bullock and narrated by Halle Berry: He drank the entire glass of lemonade I fresh-squeezed that morning and used my grandmother’s recipe and drank it down like he’d never quenched his thirst before and he took the ice from the glass and sucked on it, and then rubbed it over his bare chest, leaving lucky droplets of water to worship his god-like physique slowly as they crashed to their death.
Am I asking for too much to want to live in a Dwayne Wayne and Whitley Gilbert romance of unlikely, but undoubtedly true love? There’s no shortage when it comes to the amount of men I meet; however, one complaint that’s been annoyingly sticking around for quite some time now is the amount of men who actively pursue me with dates, quality time and consistent interest and connection. Let me just say that number is few and far between.
After talking to many of my amazing and single friends, I am starting to feel as though a woman’s emotions and desire to connect with someone with the intention of building something together is frivolous for most men. Either they flee at the sight of something they don’t like, or they don’t put forth the effort to breed consistency. It’s one of the most frustrating parts of dating–trying to start something.
I’ll tell you right now, I am going through my own personal curving season.
I met a white guy at Whole Foods–I know, what could be more cliché? Because I live in New York and I’m a writer, I have two roommates. One of my roommates always buys one particular type of seasoning, which I have started using and am now obsessed with. I used all of it, so I needed to buy him a new bottle. When I asked him where to get it, he told me Whole Foods. I sighed, rolled my eyes and headed to Whole Foods–a complete inconvenience, but so was me selfishly using all of his seasoning.
I got to the overpriced grocery store, found the seasoning and headed towards the check out. As I curiously sauntered around the shelves and grocery carts filled with organic, gluten- and cage-free everything, I heard someone faintly say, “Excuse me.” I didn’t think it was for me, so I kept sauntering.
Then the voice was louder and closer to me, “Excuse me, miss?”
I turned around. A very cute white guy was standing near me. I smiled at him and kept looking at way too pricey grocery items.
“Your hair is beautiful,” the cutie said to me.
I turned to him again, “Oh, thank you!” I smiled, touched my hair and kept looking at groceries.
“You’re welcome. You’re beautiful too,” the stranger added. He held out his hand, attempting to keep my attention. “I’m Abraham.”
I shook his hand, “I’m Danielle.”
“It’s my pleasure to meet you Danielle. I’d love to take you out for a drink sometime.” Abraham held my hand for longer than he needed to. The shake was over, but he held my fingers in his.
“You too Abraham. And sure, why not?” I smiled.
“May I have your number?” he asked.
I recited my number to Abraham and he smiled at me, “You’re really stunning.”
“And you’re refreshingly bold,” I said.
“I see what I like and I go for it,” Abraham smiled, pleased with himself. “If I had time tonight, I’d take you out right now.”
“Good things come to those who wait,” I said.
“And you’re a good thing for sure. I’ll call you!” Abraham said before finally letting my hand go and watching me walk away.
A couple of days later–long enough for me to start wondering, but short enough for me not to forget him–Abraham called. We talked briefly and ended the call prematurely when he said he had to go. There was no planning of the date he wanted to take me on and no expressed desire to do as such.
A couple of weeks passed by and Abraham texted me, asking if I was available in the next hour. No one living in New York City is available in the next hour–it takes at least two to get dressed and commute to wherever we’re going.
So I texted Abraham back what I hoped came off as upbeat and easy breezy: “Unfortunately not available tonight, but I am free on Tuesday and Thursday nights after work.”
No response. No nothing. Have I been curved? If I have, what was the point of him coming up to me all charming and whatnot? Couldn’t he just have admired me and moved on if he was going to play these reindeer games? I don’t think Rudolph even played like this.
But then again, I’ve taken numbers of men I’m not interested in and have ignored them too. Most recently, while walking to the subway in the morning for work, a man approached me. He had kind eyes, an eager smile and a stutter, but it was endearing. I entertained him as he approached me, telling me that I’m beautiful and asking me to stop for a moment.
I didn’t. “If you want to talk, walk with me. I’m already late,” I told the stranger with the kind face.
He stuttered through his sentence, but kept smiling, “I can do that,” he laughed to himself and kept up with my pace. “I see you every morning around this time. You always look so pretty.”
“Thank you,” I smiled.
“My name is Elliot. I am the super of this building over here,” he gestured.
“That’s nice. I’m Danielle.”
“It is,” Elliot kept walking and, after a pause, stuttered again and said, “I’d like to get to know you Danielle, if that is OK with you?”
“That’s OK with me,” I smiled at Elliot, expecting him to ask for my number.
He didn’t. Instead, he pulled out a piece of paper with his name and number on it. “Here you go,” he said handing me the paper. “Please call me when you can.”
I took the paper and laughed, “Old school. So you just walk around with your name and number written down?”
“Not usually, but I knew one of these days, I’d work up the courage to speak to you and I put it in my pocket every morning before I come out to see you. Today, I had the courage,” Elliot smiled.
I stuffed Elliot’s number in the bottom of my purse. I couldn’t tell if I wanted to call him or forget him. I also didn’t even know why I was having that inner dialogue. This man was clearly interested and obviously sweet and thoughtful. I gave Elliot one more smile before I said, “Have a great day.”
“You too Danielle,” he stuttered. “I can’t wait to hear from you. You made my day. Call me tonight OK?”
“Ok,” I went down the stairs and on to my day. Somehow, I’d lost Elliot’s number, but I wasn’t pressed to find it. Was this the makings of a curve on Elliot?
With dates as available as anything you’d like to buy on Amazon Prime or watch on Netflix, it’s no surprise that men are double booking. Men are shopping around, price comparing and negotiating dates as if they’re negotiating for a new car. Unfortunately, some men are so overwhelmed by all of the untapped prospects in their dating app that they cannot stick to just one date on one night. If you don’t think that this is happening to you, you might think again when you recognize some of these signs that you’re being double booked.
When you were in college and your early twenties, you didn’t mind if all you got out of a date was a good laugh at how bad the date was. You had plenty of years and plenty of dates ahead of you. In fact, part of the reason you were even going on dates was for the hilarious stories and awkward encounters.
You also didn’t require as much sleep back then; you didn’t have as many digestive problems (it’s okay: it happens to us all), and you definitely didn’t have very high standards for men. But, you’re a little more distinguished now. You can’t waste your time dating just for the sake of the story. You hope something actually comes out of this, so you can’t waste your time on terrible date ideas. Here are eight types of dates you don’t want to go on after a certain age.
Dying for the appetizers to come and interrupt the awkward silence? Sounds like you’re on a really bad date. These are some of the hilarious thoughts we’ve all had after a particularly bad outing with a new guy.
When you jump into the dating scene, no one thinks about the negative side of dating; instead, we try to keep positive thoughts from day one and forward. However, dating doesn’t always work out like it should. Sometimes we aren’t able to find a relationship and rid ourselves of being single while others deal with failed dates. When the negative side of things comes to the surface, it’s easy to start to feel hopeless. Here are 14 ways to get out of a dating rut.
A lot of women complain and mope about the amount of time and energy, and sometimes even money, that they have wasted on dates that never pan out to anything. Sadly, failed dates are all part of the dating game, and like most situations, there are some goods that can come out of dating Mr. Wrong. So when a date doesn’t go as planned or when a relationship ends at the first date, don’t take it to heart. Here are 14 things you can learn from Mr. Wrong.
You’ve been there: stuck on what feels like the longest date of anyone’s life, face-to-face with someone that you know you never want to see again. What did you do? Suffer through the bad date or pull the plug ? Here are a few ways to ditch the zero and get with the pizza by yourself at home.
(Don’t) Plan Ahead
Alright, this won’t help you if you’re already on a date with a merciless dullard, but you should definitely plan dates (at least first dates) that expire at a certain time in the night. You can meet for a drink, make no mention of any other activity to be attempted after you are outside of said drink and then sail away, sprightly as a hummingbird in the springtime, free to pursue the leisure diversion of your choice. Always, always plan your first dates so that you have an opportunity to call it a night after an hour or so.
If it’s a second or third date and you’re not sure if you’re game to stick around past the first cocktail, you should plan your date in stages. Don’t decide on the same restaurant for happy hour and dinner; Choose two different places so that if you aren’t feeling it, you can save yourself a lousy evening. If you like your date, great! You can happily carry on from one restaurant or activity to the next to extend your evening as long as you please.
Don’t pull the friend-called-to-tell-me-my-roommate-is-barfing-up-motor-oil-or-some-Isht-and-I-have-to-go-take-her-to-the-mechanic card. That’s predictable. There’s not a chance that your date will believe and/or pardon you because everybody knows that it really means that you’re punking out after phunking with your date’s heart. The old phunk-and-punk.
However, the the sick card cliché is still fair game. Who would ever presume to know how you’re feeling better than you? If your date tries to call you out on it, they’ll immediately sound like a jerk. Just make sure you lay the groundwork. Make it a habit to preface every first datewith a disclaimer about your overall well-being and it’s frailty. Pepper something ominous into the dinner conversation, like “Oh my God, I’m so tired, I didn’t sleep at all last night. I hope I don’t get sick.” Then when you drop the bail-bomb, your date won’t be quite so blindsided because it won’t look like a sudden development.
If you’re down to embarrass yourself a little bit (you know the saying about desperate times), fake a case of food poisoning. Make a mad dash for the bathroom when you’re mid-sentence and stay in there for ten minutes. Splash a little water on your face and neck (and collarbone and armpits if you’re a true salesman) and shakily return to the table. No one likes thinking about someone else throwing up, so your date is just going to be glad that you didn’t lose your cookies on the dinner table. It’s also a more believable excuse. Why would you embarrass yourself like that if you didn’t have to?
Do Something Insane
Start crying. About anything. Then keep crying and excuse yourself for the evening. Or get off-the-charts offended when your date offers to split mozzarella sticks (THEY’RE MADE IN A SWEATSHOP YOU PIG!). Or do anything else totally nuts. Use your imagination and show no mercy.
The one absolutely foolproof way to get out of a bad date is to make your date get out of it for you. You have to do something so bonkers that your date wants to ditch you right away. It’s going to take some nerve but it’ll be worth it.
Read more at YourTango.com
When I first learned that I was going to be in New York the summer after my college graduation, I told myself that I wasn’t going to be a “Mary Tyler Moore” or a “Carrie Bradshaw.” I was not one of those small-town girls who made it out of the country, only to be seduced by the big city. I’d been to New York before…it didn’t impress me all that much.
Well, turns out visiting New York, experiencing the city in between conferences and plush hotel rooms is completely different from working in the city and living in Brooklyn. First I fell in love with Brooklyn and then I noticed that Manhattan, where I worked, had an energy that literally and figuratively propelled me to succeed. By the second month, of my three month internship, I was making plans to have a New York address before the year was out. Moving to New York, meant I would need to open a bank account somewhere in the city. Being that there was a Chase on every corner, that was the obvious choice. So one day, after work I walked a block or so to the nearest Chase to open up an account.
As a black woman, you always notice the other black people in the room. This person, I honestly can’t even remember his name at this point, was working at one of the desks. When he saw my “I need assistance” look, he jumped up to help me. I told him I needed to open up an account. We headed back to his desk where he set me up. In between the paperwork and the questions, there was small talk. What do you do for a living? I told him, so he knew my office was literally a block from his own. What do you do for fun? He told me that he was into racing cars. And that’s what he did on the weekend. He told me he knew Nicole Scherzinger’s boyfriend Lewis Hamilton. At the time I was looking for a story about black people to pitch to a black publication and this seemed ideal.I mentioned that I would like to speak to he and Hamilton if possible. So when he suggested he and I grab lunch next week, I just knew it was because he wanted to talk to me about the racing. I wasn’t really opposed to going on a date with him, but he was too short and not attractive enough for it to be my first thought. Aside from the fact that he tried to tell me that the login I’d chosen for my bank account, should have been different, I didn’t get any seriously bad vibes from him, so I figured going out to lunch, wouldn’t be too bad. Still the day of the date, I gave my mom the address of the Chipotle we were going to just in case she needed to provide the authorities with the address of the last place I’d been seen alive.
He took me to the Chipotle, where his uncle, who worked there, hooked us up.
As soon as I sat down, he says, “Well, what do you want to talk about?” Hmm…nice way to break the ice there pal. I thought it was weird but I just assumed he meant, what questions did I have about racing. I turned away to get my notepad out. Yes, I’d prepared questions. He must have been looking at me funny or something because in the midst of my search, I asked him, “You mean about racing right?”
“No, about anything.”
That’s when it hit me, he thought this was a date. I was immediately disgusted. At him for bamboozling me and at myself for falling for it. But I was already there, so I just needed to make the best of the situation.
Unfortunately, it was easier thought than done. Before our date ended, homeboy told me that he didn’t really get down with his family members and he didn’t believe in God. Now, I’d like to think I’m tolerate of religious beliefs and what not; but as someone who’s super close to their family and someone whose relationship with God is vitally important, I would never fool myself into believing that I could date someone who didn’t share my faith, or at least believe in a higher power. I had pretty much checked out. It was all just too much: the bamboozlement, the lack of faith and the struggle to converse were the three strikes I needed to be done. Thank God I had to get back to work.
I told him we had better be going. As he was walking back to my job, we saw some man, who looked the part of a stereotypical gay man. He was impeccably dressed, with vibrant colors, a man bag and a fresh fade. He looked good. My date didn’t seem to agree though. As soon as the man crossed his line of vision, he started clowning him. “Look at this dude. Walking around looking like a nerd!” I was silent. What was this high school? I told him I liked the brotha’s ensemble. That’s when my date said one of the saddest, most pathetic things I’d ever heard. “Well, you know sometimes you have to talk about people first before they can get a chance to talk about you.”
I scoffed, before I dropped just a little bit of knowledge on him, “I’m sure people aren’t looking at you as much as you think they are.”
It was at this point that I knew that this was the last time I would see dude. He was tragically insecure. Probably one of those kids who was a bully to his peers in high school. I was officially disgusted.
I thought that was the last time I’d see him; but lo and behold as I was walking down the stairs into the subway station, who do I see but my date. I tried to make myself small and take another staircase; but before I could turn and walk the other way, he’d spotted me.
I walked down the stairs slowly. He was with one of his coworkers so I didn’t have to be too accommodating. Thankfully, my date wasn’t going too far on the train and I could get by with fake, close lipped smiles and “umm hmms.” Before he jumped off he said, “Veronica, have you ever been to Coney Island?” I hadn’t and, instead of lying, I told the truth.
“I should take you sometime.”
I just said “Hmm…”
14 Ways To Handle A Bad Date, Including How To Fix It, How To Leave Without Hard Feelings, And How To End It…Fast!
When it comes to dating, you’ll find that some dates are a hit and others are a complete miss (and mess). Even though you may get along with someone through emails and messages, you may find that in person, the two of you don’t click at all. This can easily make for an awkward date and during a bad date, you’ll want to stay calm and collected while trying not to make matters worse. If you find yourself in the position of an extremely awkward date, here are some tips to help you through it (or out of it).
When it comes to the dating scene, you’ll find that there are certain guys you hit it off with right away, and then there are those dates that you’d love to just erase from your mind completely. Let’s say you’ve gone on this one date recently and you’re completely stuck as to what to do next. You like him but you aren’t sure if he’s worth a second date or if it’s best to just move on to another guy. Here are 14 behaviors to check for if you’re trying to figure out if you two should have another go ’round.