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From Essence

I can’t imagine, even in this hysteria over the scanty supply of single Black men, that any sister’s best bet for a relationship would be with a dude in prison. I just can’t. Barring him being a hubby or a serious boyfriend prior to his incarceration, there is nothing—not his golden-throated promises, not a miraculous behavioral transformation, not even his physical Idris Elba-esque magnificence—that could make sense of picking up a boo thang serving hard time in the pen.

I’m open to dating someone who’s gotten his act together post-release (and I’m not talking about two weeks after he hits the outside, either), but an inside man? No thanks. That’s just me, though. Because last week, news was electric with stories about Tavon White, the gang leader in a Baltimore jail who had 13 female corrections officers smuggling drugs, cell phones and other contraband in so that he and his cronies could continue to run their enterprise out in the liberated part of the world.

This guy was behind bars pulling in—according to his own braggadocio—$16,000 in a slow month. That’s an insult and a bummer. But the real kicker is that, detained and all, homeboy fathered five children with four of those women. (Yeah, somebody double dipped.) He’s been locked up since 2009. For attempted murder. And four women in positions of professional authority were so swayed by whatever the heck they were so swayed by that they risked their health, safety, careers and reputations—because their names are sure ‘nuff blasted all over the internet—to not only participate in his criminal underdealings but have babies by him.

Two of them even got tattoos of the man’s name, one on her neck. Lord Jesus, there’s a fire. I wring my hands in despair.

At this point, we could argue about better prison controls, the corruption of the corrections system, the misappropriation that allowed an inmate to operate a full-blown criminal enterprise from the discomforts of his danky little cell. But I want to know what kind of psychological superiority this man is outfitted with to make him able to pluck out women just vulnerable enough to go along with the go along and become his willing assistants.

Read more at Essence.com.

Source: AP

In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Arsenio Hall decided to set the record straight about his past, including why he claims his famous talk show wasn’t canceled, and explains how he was supposed to play alongside Martin Lawrence in Bad Boys, not Will Smith. I know, I couldn’t imagine him in such a role either.

At one point in the interview, writer Alex Ben Block asks Hall why his show was canceled in ’94, but he was quick to clarify that it wasn’t canceled per se, but that he chose to walk away from it after five years on air–and some lagging ratings. He also elaborated on why he felt the need to step away:

It wasn’t canceled. I resigned. Sure, there was an erosion of the numbers (audience ratings) as shows tend to do in year five or six. You are a little lower this year than last year. But the show never stopped making money, never stopped being profitable for Paramount…I actually thought I needed changes in my life and I need to try other things. I wanted to do things professionally, like stand-up, and try some acting. I felt my whole life needed broadening. I didn’t have a family. Everything I had done was a gamble because I felt if I missed it as some point, I could get back in. I could still walk into a comedy club and make people laugh every night. That’s what I do. And I could be home in the morning to make breakfast and take my kid to school. What I was confused about was that when you go from being on every night to just being a stand-up, your visibility is on a whole different level.

Hall was also asked why he seemingly disappeared off of the face of the planet for years after his time with The Arsenio Hall Show and didn’t jump back into acting like that. He claimed that the business is just not as easy as it looks. And on top of that, he had just made some questionable decisions…like turning down Bad Boys:

It was one of those things I tried to pursue after I left late-night. I wanted to study and take it seriously and not just be the talk show host who is popular so he gets a role. But I wasn’t able to crack that nut the way I wanted. It’s a tough racket. Sometimes I made bad choices. I remember there was a time I decided not to do more stand-up or go on the road. I turned down a movie called Bad Boys where it would have been me and Martin (Lawrence) instead of Will (Smith) and Martin. You look back and say, It wasn’t a bad decision because I’m happy with my life. I’m a daddy or whatever. But then you realize, that’s not where I’m supposed to be. One day you really miss it.

So after taking his stint as a TV host for granted, Hall realized that he wanted to get back in where he fit in. So he’s of course coming back with a revival of The Arsenio Hall Show on CBS this fall. What can we expect from it? And who is he trying to reach this time around?

There’s probably some marketing person saying it’s a party. It’s a spirited show. It is targeted for a younger demographic. The bottom line is yes it’s a party, just as the powers that be will say it is…The audience we had the first time around is about 40 now. From the (research) we have crunched, I think the audience that will embrace the show is an interesting cross-demographic. That guy has kids now. I think they will both watch.

Well all right. Can’t say I will be thirsty to tune in myself, but I’m all about black folks making good money doing what they’re good at. You can check out the full interview, including an explanation of when Hall realized he was going to try to get back on late night television and how that involves Snoop Dogg, if you click over to The Hollywood Reporter.

yasminshiraz.net

Your mom might point out some put-together stockbroker in a Banana Republic pullover, slacks and a Rolex and say, “That’s the type of guy you should be with—a nice, good guy.” Little does she know he cheats on his girlfriends and gets cited for indecent exposure every weekend. The point is that a “good guy” is not something you can spot from the outside. Good guys come in all shapes, sizes, job descriptions and clothing brands. The only way to know when you’re dealing with a good guy is how he makes you feel, and how you get to behave while you’re with him. If you’re ready for a good guy, you need to learn the subtle signs of them, and you may need to break some bad habits yourself.

madamenoire.com

We all know them when we see them. Clowns, jerks, douche bags – any of these names will do. What I find interesting, and annoying, is that either these people have no idea that they are this way, or they simply don’t care. Some even take pride in it, and wear that title as a badge of honor. But this list isn’t really given so that you can identify one, but more-so provided so that if you are blinded by love…or the long stroke…you can run…and run fast! Lames can be men OR women, but since this site is geared towards women, let me help the sistas out.

If for some strange reason you really don’t know what a lame looks like up close and personal, male OR female, let me help you out with just a few of a myriad of traits that define a jerk. Feel free to add your own.

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How many times have you heard someone say, “If you would stop dating losers/thugs/triflin’ men/bad boys/etc. you wouldn’t have so much trouble in relationships?” Well now you can tell those people it’s not your fault you don’t know how to pick ‘em, it’s your hormones.

That’s the conclusion of a new study from the University of Texas at San Antonio and published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Kristina Durante, one of the researchers, says that during ovulation our hormones confuse us into somehow thinking a man with no potential actually has some.

“Under the hormonal influence of ovulation, women delude themselves into thinking that the s[w]exy bad boys will become devoted partners and better dads. When looking at the s[w]exy cad through ovulation goggles, Mr. Wrong looked exactly like Mr. Right.”

If PMS can also make eating an entire tub of ice cream seem like a good idea during ovulation, I suppose this is possible too. The researchers came to this conclusion by asking female participants to view online dating profiles of either fine or reliable men during periods of both high and low fertility. When asked to predict likely paternal contribution from the prospective partners close to ovulation, the women thought the attractive men would contribute most, meaning they’d be better dads.

To back that up, a second study was conducted where actors played the role of bad boy or reliable dad, and researchers found the same thing. If a woman started out dating a guy she knows is no good, at some point—during ovulation—she’ll be under the impression that he’ll make a good long-term partner. What’s funny is that’s only true when the woman is referring to her own partner.

“When asked about what kind of father the s[w]exy bad boy would make if he were to have children with another woman, women were quick to point out the bad boy’s shortcomings,” Durante said. “But when it came to their own child, ovulating women believed that the charismatic and adventurous cad would be a great father to their kids.”

That I can believe. We all have a tendency to think a man is going to be different for us than he is with any other women, and most times we’re wrong. This finding may not help you figure out why you’re attracted to bad boys the other three weeks out of the month when you’re not ovulating but there is at least one takeaway here: don’t date while you ovulate.

Do you think this study really explains the bad boy attraction?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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They say women are tricky, but men have their tricks too. Why else do women become hung up on men who are no good for us? Because those men know just how to keep us interested, in the face of the hard reality: they will never actually give us what we want. Check out these tips to help you forget about your bad boy.

When picking between a “bad guy” or “nice guy,” often times the “bad guy” wins the fight, but why?  It’s not so much that “nice” isn’t good, but for women  I think being good and attractive are two different things.

Check out these 7 reasons why women end up with bad boys instead of nice guys…

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It was hard to think about the fact that Jim Jones still hasn’t put a ring on it—it being Chrissy Lampkin’s finger, or that T.I. just came home from prison for the umpteenth time, after watching these two bad boys show the women in their lives special affection on last night’s episodes of “Love and Hip Hop” and “T.I. and Tiny: The Family Hustle.”

During a talk with his mother about him being in the middle of her relationship with Chrissy, Jim Jones shed tears, real man tears. He told Mama Jones, “If you say you love me the way you do and I’m telling you I love this lady the way I do, you should understand what’s going on” [and stop raping on World Star Hip Hop].

As if the site of a man crying wasn’t enough to make a woman’s heart melt, the next scene showed Jim treating Chrissy to a private rooftop Moroccan-themed dinner to show her special appreciation. I still may not get the proposal and it took a little while for me to understand their relationship, but last night I finally got why Chrissy hasn’t left Jim’s side these past six years.

During the next hour on “The family Hustle” we saw what’s kept Tiny down for T.I. over the past 10 years. TIP earned major respect when a schedule conflict and a direction-impaired driver almost kept him from attending his son’s football game. When he heard how disappointed Domani was that he wouldn’t see him play, T.I. told the driver to turn the car around and put off his BET show rehearsal to see his son play anyway. The excitement on Domani’s face was priceless.

A little bit later, the romantic side of the king of the south came out when he treated Tiny to an intimate dinner at home. Aside from the pure hotness of a man in the kitchen, T.I. looked delicious in a suit—with apron on top. He laid out a spread of “forgive me for being gone for 11 months gifts” for Tiny and then they had a private fancy dinner for two before he gave her “the best three minutes of her life.”

Trust issues, criminal backgrounds, and all other side-eye concerns when out of the minds of most women watching Jim and TIP (as observed on twitter). Both shows were a reminder of what attracts women to bad boys (I know I’m not just speaking for myself here). There’s something particularly swexy about a man with such a rough, hardcore exterior letting his guard down, even for a brief period, to show his soft side. And you can never get tired of seeing a man take care of his responsibilities as a father and husband/boyfriend. Word of caution though: It may take six to 10 years to get there with these types of men, but for Chrissy and Tiny it seems like the wait was worth it.

Did you watch the season premiere of “The Family Hustle” last night? If you caught Love and Hip Hop before, what did you think about T.I. and Jim Jones showing the women they love extra affection?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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There’s always been a debate between “nice guys” and “bad boys.”  For some reason women feel a sense of thrill of the unknown when it comes to instability of a bad boy.  On the other side, nice guys often get the reputation as a floor mat, with a weak backbone. So in the long-term, after the drama of high school, hierarchy of college, and politics of the work world, which guys “win?”  Explore this question by taking a look at 7 reasons nice guys actually end up the champion.

What is a bad boy really? Is it someone who does drugs?  Someone who sleeps with a different girl every night? Someone who has done a few stints in prison? Sure, as far as society is concerned, these guys aren’t all that great. But, for the purposes of dating, a bad boy is just one who isn’t making you happy. One who doesn’t think about your needs—whether he means to or not—and isn’t giving you what you want. You can make all the excuses in the world for the guy, but those excuses aren’t going to keep you warm at night or text you back when you’ve been waiting hours for a response. Any of these excuses sound familiar?